Compromises, Arrangements and Tolerances

For those who have a compromise or arrangement over dressing what have you worked out? Is there one thing that is just a harder spot for your SO?

I dress on Wednesday and Saturday. It used to be Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays but this was too much for her, she didn't have enough time to recover from a day before it was time for a new one. Oddly enough we both separately came up with the idea of me giving up a day altogether. She surprised me by adding that if there was a day I was off work and she wasn't I could have that time as long as I changed before she was expected home or she called to tell me she was getting off work early and if she forgot to call that I go change when she came in.

On my days I can be dressed around in her in whatever fashion I've chosen and we'll do whatever it is we are doing, watch a movie or read and she'll take as many back or foot rubs as she can get. :) The agreement is that at bedtime if I am sleeping in the same bed as her the only feminine item I wear is panties.

She is okay with me wearing lipstick and nail polish but wouldn't like any more makeup than that which is fine with me and neither of us wants me in a wig. I have no desire for forms and I suspect that's a good thing for her at least.

There are two things she just absolutely does not like. Bras and Vanilla Fields perfume. None of the other lingerie bothers her but she says bras are just creepy. While I do like them I was going to purge them and be happy about it; she stopped me and we agreed that if I was going to wear them it had to be under something bulky enough not to be visibly obvious and I figured they should further be confined to every other Saturday. For the perfume it isn't the fact that it's perfume that bothers her so much as she just doesn't like the scent which got it also confined to every other Saturday.

As for going out if I insist on it I will likely be by myself. Most things don't go out now unless I will be staying in the car. Nail polish, pants, some boots and pantyhose provided they are nude colored if they can be seen do go out. If we discount Halloween I've been out as dressed as I get only a couple of times; once in Las Vegas and once to a Tri-ess meeting. This year after I retire from the military going out will get another look but we both agree that for now it's too close to the end to rock the boat too much.

No such deals or compromises here. Wifey is okay with it, so I can dress pretty much as I choose. She doesn't really want to see me in makeup and wig, which is okay because that's a lot of time and work just to stay in. She also doesn't want me going out, but I'll drive her to the store sometimes. I do that stuff when out of town on business... I guess the only drawback, so far as I'm concerned, is that there's no chance of, ahem, relations, for a couple of days afterward! I can accept that...

Hello Jason!
As much as it appoears that you have had to compromise, consider yourself lucky. My wife hates every aspect of my dressing and wants nothing to do with it. There is no compromise. Only total dislike and tears! I do dress, but only when I'm out of town.

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Originally Posted by charlie

Hello Jason!
As much as it appoears that you have had to compromise, consider yourself lucky. My wife hates every aspect of my dressing and wants nothing to do with it. There is no compromise. Only total dislike and tears! I do dress, but only when I'm out of town.

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Just to be clear I am not griping the compromise was entered into willingly by both of us to help both of us have our needs met. I have it better than a lot do and am always sorry to hear about no support at all.

hello,
I guess we have an unspoken compromise. I dress and I shop, my wife does not talk about it. I try not to embarass her with my dressing, perhaps that is the only way I don't embarass her!
ttfn,
Jacques

The progression of our agreements has been interesting. There were a number of boundaries that she asked for and some I thought she asked for and says she didn't. My goal at the time was to do what I could that she was comfortable with and no more so I wouldn't be pushing her.

That wasn't much over a year ago and today they have pretty much all disappeared as time has passed. Now, there are still unspoken rules. For instance, I have now gone out, but I won't go anywhere that may be considered "home ground" without her knowing about it. We have even talked about going out together at times. Also, under no circumstances will either of us tell someone else without us both discussing it fully.

I am at the same point that Charlie is - I have my wife's tacit agreement that I can do what I like as long as it doesn't affect her. That may be softening in the future. We'll see.

Kathi

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Originally Posted by charlie

Hello Jason!
As much as it appoears that you have had to compromise, consider yourself lucky. My wife hates every aspect of my dressing and wants nothing to do with it. There is no compromise. Only total dislike and tears! I do dress, but only when I'm out of town.

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Absolutely! I cannot be in the same house wearing anything more than knickers (panties) and am just waiting for my work routine to give me opportunities away from home. Hard adjustment to make after having spent weekdays working away for almost 5 months!

Certainly, count your many blessings!

I think you and your wife are making progress. You may not get out alot but you do get to dress twice a week and your keeping the marriage alive. If I had your arrangement I might still be married. Good for you girl

Don't dress around her unless she requests it or says Lynda is optional my choice, I usually chose Lynda.

I am in the zero tolerance zone for now, any hint of crossdressing is regarded with the highest contempt

I attempt to offer some compromise but the topic itself became off limit, so it is a one way conversation for now. sometimes I am tempted to eff it and just go for whatever pleases me

the tough part is that the simpliest thing that could be rewarding - say commenting a dress in a store window - becomes an issue or shuts down the relationship

she basically suffers in silence wishing "this thing" did not exist.

The good news is it can only get better.

Sonia

Our agreement is that she doesn't see anything.

She knows I dress when I am home alone all day, & she will always call when on the way home.

When out of town she knows I dress, and is always worried about my safety. I have only ventured out once but am looking forward to doing it again. It was such a thrill.

She has also made me promise not to post any pictures on the internet. Especially after the East Cleveland Mayor was outed recently in the national news. I told her I am not planning on running for public office, but I would still not post anything. Most of you share your photos, and some day I hope to get her approval. But for now no pics.

I have a very similar arrangement with my Wife. Two evenings a week I can wear something to bed and a third I am can fully dress and wear makeup and my wig. We have agreed on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Today being Saturday I am currently wearing my black boots, fishnets, a black shirt and new bustier that I just bought myself for x-mas (No makeup or wig tonight).

So my wife knows I am dressed upstairs on the computer and she was downstairs asleep on the couch. When she went to bed she passed me without saying anything and went straight to our room.

The discussions that lead to the compromise were at least 10 years ago and it has been working so far. I really think for those who have unsupportive SO's there is room to discuss what could work for both and if you are fortunate to reach a middle ground and stick to it (no Cheating) then you may be able to have some stability in the relationship, at least with the crossdressing. The big issue for my wife was she was always on edge because she was never sure when she might find me dressed. She now knows so she can cope or prepare to cope.

Mercedes XOXOXO

My compromise with my SO is that I can dress at home as often as I like as long as she's not home. She also agreed to let me keep a small locking shelf of my stuff in the closet so I don't have to keep it in my car. She also knows about the storage space which I call my 'purge-free zone.'

One thing that is still touchy is the topic of me going out dressed. She doesn't really understand why I want to... Correction, she knows and understands, but is having a hard time accepting it. I think my deal is pretty good right now, and hopefully someday maybe a deal for me to be able to go out will be possible.

Btw, Three's Company is on right now and Larry (the neighbor/friend) just walked into the Regal Beagle crossdressed. I've seen Jack Tripper dressed before but never Larry!

My wife's biggies are any permanent additions or deletions up top and down bottom. Those are deal breakers.

As far as the fine points are concerned. She doesn't want much of anything, including talk about "this" in the bedroom. Just throws her for a loop. I keep most of Sally's things in my den (kind of a girl cave). I try to keep my outings at least 1 hour away from our home town to keep things low key. And she prefers I clean my polish off as soon as I get back from an outing. I kind of fudge on that one sometimes. Right now my nails are almost 1/2 inch past my finger tips and are bright pinkie red from last night.

My honey has yet to place any restriction on my dressing.She's only known for 30 years, so she may well be dreaming up an entire listfull :daydreaming:

She's well aware she doesn't need to add restrictions to the long list of the ones I've imposed on myself :eek:

Can I just say rememebr that restrictions and boundaries can and should be reviewed...but if neither party is willing to go a step further then they stay as they are, until both parties agree.


As for SOs putting restrictions on going out alone...I can understand this, for me I was scared for Nigellas saftey even though I knew she would be able to look after herself.

Just remmber even though your SO may not be fully supportive she still cares and worries about you.

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Originally Posted by Jason+

I dress on Wednesday and Saturday. It used to be Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays but this was too much for her, she didn't have enough time to recover from a day before it was time for a new one. Oddly enough we both separately came up with the idea of me giving up a day altogether. She surprised me by adding that if there was a day I was off work and she wasn't I could have that time as long as I changed before she was expected home or she called to tell me she was getting off work early and if she forgot to call that I go change when she came in.

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Hi Jason, it sounds to me like you are both taking a positive approach to making this work and at the same time keeping your marriage intact. :)

Being single, this is not a problem I have to face, but I really believe that your measured approach will pay off for you in the long run.

my wife lets me dress anytime I want to we go every where whether im fully dressed or not we will be celibrating 20 yrs this april Im so blessed

It's nice to read about others who seem to have mutually agreeable compromises with their SOs. Unfortunately, my wife, who has known about my dressing since we were dating (we've been married for 14 years), goes between "I really don't want you to do this, but if you do, I don't want to see it" (which is fine with me) and "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't do this any more."

Tolerance, agreement, compromise - what part of NO don't you understand. I dress when my wife is not around. I'm very happy for those of you with accepting spouses but it clearly doesn't always work that way.

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Originally Posted by PamelaRI

It's nice to read about others who seem to have mutually agreeable compromises with their SOs. Unfortunately, my wife, who has known about my dressing since we were dating (we've been married for 14 years), goes between "I really don't want you to do this, but if you do, I don't want to see it" (which is fine with me) and "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't do this any more."

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This sounds about the same for me--but I still insist on wearing a favorite cowl neck sweater in front of her just to remind her where I'm at. And she also knows I'm wearing panties full time & sleep in a nightgown (we sleep in separate bedrooms).

I'm supportive of Melissa. She comes out when she chooses to and also when I ask if she'll come out and play :battingeyelashes: It's something we sort of figure out as we go. Lately we've been working on wishlist for her. Before we were together she went through a lot of purges, but now I'm urging her to buy quality items for Melissa because the purge will exist no more. Sometimes I'm the one thinking more of Melissa. The other night I was browsing online items for things I thought she'd like. She was in down mode and sending me links for things to mod the car. I was sending her links to sexy black heels with an ankle strap. :D

a blue print of good negotiations needed for everybody to be happy, and be able to be express feelings with out guilt. On the surface of what you've told us... but it sounds like a good start for you two... good for you both! Carol

i always dress with my SO she and i enjoy the thrill and the escape.. she likes to have time to try many new looks and we always share new and exciting things

I'm really lucky to have a girlfriend who is as much in love with me as Stina as with my male side. I'm really happy that I also get to experience the love and relationship side of being female.

Thus far the only femme thing I've not been allowed to do is to shave my legs and stomach because she likes running her fingers through that hair when I'm in guy-mode. Other than that I get to be as feminine as I want with her encouraging it.

The biggest compromise between my wife and me is no going out dressed! That is the one rule that she is pretty firm on. I did manage to get a Halloween out of her a couple of years ago but I am pretty sure it had more to do with where we were going than what I was wearing. She determined it would not be perceived as CD'ing by the people we were with. Other than that she just says she doesn't want to participate or see me dressed. This is sometimes a little more fluid than the other rules being she has on occasion bought me clothing and left it for me in my closet and she returns my panties to my drawer after they go through the laundry. The other day out of the blue she showed me a trick to getting mascara off so I don't have dark eyes in the morning after dressing at night. She still refuses to discuss the matter at all though. Long and short of it, I am very blessed.