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How do SAs genenerally react to us??? I am soon to go out shopping en femme and am curious to know how we are treated. Do they laugh, giggle, ignore, ridicule us? Or are they hostile and dismissive? OR, do you find that they enjoy a chance to have fun with a not-so-typical customer??
Thnks
Laura in very high heels today...
Laura,
I've gone shopping once or twice (stifling giggles), and I can tell you what I've found - almost universal acceptance. Sure, there have been a few who have been like your fears are telling you they all are - rude or giggling or just bored. On the whole, they have treated me as everything from just another woman to almost a rock star. Women get it. They know that clothes and hair and makeup are more fun than a barrel full of ferrets. They can usually tell pretty quickly if you are serious, and will gladly lend a hand. Our perception of inexperience brings out the "mother hen" in them, and they are usually sooooo helpful with styles, fit and more.
Go into it with an attitude of "This is gonna be great!" and you will find it will be. Enjoy!
Kathi
Most SAs are fairly neutral and don's show much reaction. They will help you and ring up your sale with little fuss or muss. A few SAs are super sweet and go over and beyond the call to help. These people usually result in my buying more than I planned since I try to reward freindly helpful service.
Finally a small minority will make little comments under their breath or you will spot them whispering to another associate. Most common from these types is just a look of disapproval.
I was shopping at a steinmart near my place here in Atlanta once. Two clerks at the registers were looking over at me and whispering. Dammit! I hate getting busted and my illusions of passing going up in flames. Anyway I thought were being catty and I was picking up a snarky vibe.
I threw 'em off guard. Turned and marched right up to the register, put my purchases on the counter and had a smirky bitchy look on my face all but challedging them to mess with me. They got embarrashed and lowered their eyes. The crazy tgirl backed 'em down. :devil:
Never had an issue enfemme.... most are friendly and curtious.... more of a reaction or that "look" when shopping in drab.... like I care!!! :D
I have had very good experiences with SA's when shopping enfemme, they seem to go out of their way to make me feel welcome, and are very helpful. It is a wonderful experience when SA's call you by name and welcome you when you walk back into the store when dressed enfemme.
Most of them dont really give a dang and besides,your money is good as a GGs. Dont think about it too much and just do it!
All the SA's Ive met have been courteous to me. I have only had one refer to me as sir, and I think she was nervous, as she said was new on the job. I was probably her first tranny customer(and I do tend to be more intimidating than a barrel of ferrets). As said most of them are probably happy to be in business and make a sale. A few have engaged in small talk, but all have been professional. Except for the male SA who rolled his eyes when I said "Im not sure which boots I want but I will know them when I see them", I swear he whispered "women" as he walked away.
SA'a are in that special class along with therapists and prostitutes, they are paid to like you and accept you, or at least pretend to.
How they treat you is a reflection of their own professionalism, not anything to do with you. I wouldn't worry about it too much, but it might be fun to see how far you can push one.
I think most SAs want to make a sale. Some of them might seem uncomfortable, but some of them are really great. Ultimately, they just want you to spend your money. Most women know that if they treat us really well, then we will come back and shop with them in the future. That's been my experience.
Folks is folks. Some are going to be more tolerant than others and some are going to be more reasonable than others. Like has been said, the money is the common denominator with all customers and that seems to the avenue we have to take.
I had a interesting experence when returning something at Boscovs last week .
The SA ,who had waited on me many times in the past ,ask me for my ID .
Well I almost went into panic mode .
I told her that it was in the car and she said that since I was a regular customer she would let it go .
I felt bad about lying to her and when back in and in my male voice told her why I could not show her the ID .
She of course already knew and we had a nice talk .
Overall a great experence .,
Oh wow only a few time.....well they must have lasted a few month each EH. Other wise you would never have soooooooooo mennnnnnnyyyyyyy great shopping stories. Witch I love and need now gimme gimme gimme more now hun. Well I guess you need to go shopping some more to tell us how it happened when.......Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
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Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Ya I know the feeling. I have had the same rock star treatment and love it. Those shops I go back to time and time again. I tell the boss that , That is the reason I come back and they love to hear that there staff if the reason you come back....well other then my being a shop-alcoholic like you Kathi but I just don't write as good of stories as you do!!! :daydreaming:
Never played with a barrel of ferrets....Gold fish yes , the prob with fish is they just can fetch well. There all like I can't breath I can't breath.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Oh yes I find they love to play dress up and want to see what a CD would look like in a very girly dress or skirt more so then other women . We are like life size Barbie Dolls to some of them.....and I am more then fine with that. It's almost like in there minds it like there dressing up Ken in Barbie's clothes lol. I don't think most of the girls here mind that eh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Go into it with an attitude of "This is gonna be great!" and you will find it will be. Enjoy!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Go into it with an attitude of "This is gonna be great!" and you will find it will be. Enjoy!
Go into it with an attitude of "This is gonna be great!" and you will find it will be. Enjoy!
I quote this 3 time cuz That is a great statement and very true. Attitude is key if you walk into a story thinking your a pervert you can be treated like one. Walk in there like it's something you do all the time and it's normal (and it is for some of us who shop lots) and they will treat you great.
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Originally Posted by msginaadoll
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Originally Posted by msginaadoll
I only had one SA at future shop when he needed help finding something , he called another SA and he said " we are looking for a TV with a DVD player built in and he...err She says....... I was a little saddened by that but it was a few month later that I got to the point where I did not care if I passed and now if someone does that I correct them and not care. I just want them to "CALL" me by then Gender I am presenting and that's all. Respect. The SA that made the mistake did correct himself and looked a little embarrassed (I said nothing ) and I if I could have then would have thanked him for being courteous enough to correct what he said.
Aside form that I have had nothing but the best time and all whom I have talked to have been almost overly friendly and soooo nice to me. I Love this job... Oh ya it's not a job I am just being ME!!!!
i have only ever had really postive interactions with shop assistants, even the guy ones.....i did have a woman who served me in a clothes store, write her name and phone number down and say 'call me for a coffee one day'.....i've had others compliment me on my 'fashion sense' and most try to make small talk...i guess i give them dinner conversation(laughs)
I've always been treated properly and even had a few SA's give me all thier attention when there were other customers there. You might get a couple of strange looks by a few but for the most part a completely rewarding expierence.
I've been shopping in female presentation many times, and I have had only one negative response from an SA. This was an older woman, and honestly I think that she was just sour on life.
Other than her, I have had many wonderful experiences.
I have been out shopping enfemme many times and only had a few times where I got scornful looks from store personal. I really enjoy Victoria secret, they are the best and will get you anything you want to try on. I buy all my bras there and just love the TLC you get from the girls. I go to one that has a CD and "she" is wonderful whenever she is working when I go there. I also Like Dress Barn but the Sa's are a little pushy at times. And whatever you do don't get me started on shoe stores, they are the best of times.
I have been shopping numerous times en femme and heve found most SAs to be neutral. On one shopping trip to TJ Maxx I was taking several bras and girdles into the fitting room along with skirt and two tops. The SA told me that she thought there was a store policy against trying on panties (refering to the girdles). She did some checking and said that it was ok to try on panties and unlocked the door for me. When I came back out she asked me if everything fit, I gave her a smile and a big thumbsup :thumbsup:. She smiled back and said "have a great day maam". :)
I have also gotten help from SAs at Penney's, Kohl's, Target and Wal Mart. Even when shopping for women's clothes in drab, the SAs were very courtious and helpful.
With business the way it is right now, no SA is going to drive away a customer!
The vast amount of time SA's have treated me just like any other customer-reciting the week's sales pitch, asked if I needed help, found items I needed, etc. They are trying to do their job, make sales and keep the store up. If you're doing your part-buying stuff-it's all good :)
Some SA's have gone out of their way to help-offering to get me a dressing room, helping me find accessories that work with an outfit, making suggestions, etc. They've also treated me like just another girl, even been a bit curious. When I go to Torrid, for example, I impress the SA's because my Divastyle card is one of the early ones. Lane Bryant's SA's are a bit cooler. Ashley Stewart, which has more of an African-American clientele and I'm usually the only white girl in the place, has SA's who have told me about upcoming sales and encouraged me to come back.
A very few SA's have done the stare and giggle thing. I usually just smile and wink at them, which totally has them off-balance and they'll shut up and do their jobs. I've never had an SA be outright rude; a couple have gotten pronouns wrong but caught it quickly.
My attitude is, I'm spending money and if you want to piss me off enough to walk out, I'll do it. Treat me like a good customer and I'll be back again.
I've had no real problems during hundreds and hundreds of shopping excursions. But one important point: if you act nervous (and probably we all do, the first few times) then the SA will pick up on that and will be scared, maybe thinking you are planning to rob her or worse. So just be calm.
Also it helps to look as feminine as possible. If you look like a guy in a dress, don't be surprised if you're treated like one. Wear makeup, please! Even if the workers know you are a crossdresser, in my experience they tend to accept you as a girl (or at least not as a real man) if it's clear that you know the ways of a woman.
Having worked in retail, I can assure you that never have I seen a crossdresser merit more that a brief comment by one of my coworkers. And even that is rare. Bottom line, most people have their own lives to live and don't much care about ours.
Cindi Johnson
Now just a minute, playing with a barrel full of ferrets is tons of fun!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Speaking as a sales assistant, making money is obviously the store's objective, but I work hourly, not on commission and I have this annoying thing called morals. That means I will help you but I won't lie to you or pretend to like you to make a sale. Contact with nice people is the most rewarding part of my job. The unusual ones are more fun than a barrel full of ferrets. :heehee: Any SA who doesn't like people shouldn't be in that line of work.
OMG that's hilarious! :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina Horton
Christina's not wrong, ladies. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina Horton
Same here. And never had an issue when shopping in boy-mode either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
"I was shopping at a steinmart near my place here in Atlanta once..."
But how often do you shop for a stein? :)
I think it depends a lot on who you are, and how you conduct yourself.
When I was a SA in high school at a Leggs Hanes Bali outlet store Hw years ago, a dressed CD would occasionally come in (In truth, I am sure there were many more we didn't notice). And they invariably fell into either one of two camps - they were either there to conduct the same business that every other girl was, OR they were uber creepy, and relatively obviously just getting their jollies. Members of the first category were treated just like any other girl, and members of the latter category were not.
Now, of course, there are always jerks. There are those who will treat you poorly even if you are not being creepy. But that is true no matter how you are dressed.
Not too often! LOL Matter of fact I probably have two or three tacky steins in my kitchen cabinet left over from trips and such.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fab Karen
Hope - Interesting observation about two camps of CDs that go shopping. The girls there to do their thing shopping and the Creeps! That cracked me up...but its gotta be true.
I think it depends on how well you make yourself passable.
I mean, if you half-ass it I think you definitely are going to get some odd looks, maybe even ridiculed.
However, if you show pride in your looks, they'll be more then happy to help :]
Just one negative time and numerous positive ones. I posted my negative one just recently. By the way, when I told the SA at another store what happened (same chain) she apologized for the way the other SA treated me. Said she must be stupid!
My experiences have always proven positvive with store associates. Usually the biggest issue is my own fear. I all to often act as though no man has bought woman's clothes for himself aside from me. :heehee:
I have almost always been treated well by SAs when out shopping in either mode. At the minimum they are polite, often they do go over and above, recomending items for me to try etc. One time when I was looking for a specific style skirt, the SA at an Avenue store knew that they had stopped carrying them but gave me very specific directions to a competitor across town that did have them. She even remembered me every time I came in the store while she still worked there, asking if I found the skirt, and generally being friendly. The only times I have had even a small problem is when I am in male mode and I ask to try on an item, some stores are OK, some are hesitant, and a very few say no. The only other problem I had was from another customer. I was in my favorite shoe store (The Big Feet Store) trying on some nice pumps (BTW the experience of a full service shoe store is not to be missed). An older GG customer came in, stating she was looking for shoes for her daughter who had large feet. When she saw me she made a comment to the manager (who is very CD friendly) that she had such a hard time finding shoes for her daughter because "all the transvestites have bought them up". I almost burst out laughing. I then bought the shoes, she left without buying anything. Anyway, I do love shopping, and as I said, very little problem..........Stephanie
I've been having great interactions with SA's so far.
Males at normal stores seem to be the worst. They seem to want to make a point of calling me sir. Maybe I'm not passable enough, or they're passing judgement. Don't freakin' care!
I care more about what GGs think.
DSW has been the only real downer. Haven't gotten much help there at all. Generally ignored by all the SA's. Except the one a couple weeks ago. She asked me if I needed help & I said yes. She then proceeded to help me a bunch & answer a whole bunch of questions I had.
VS has been friendly, but I can't afford to buy anything there yet. Haven't gotten a lot of help, but haven't asked much. Will do so when I have at least $50 to spend there.
Thanx for all your helpful advice and comments! In summation, attitude is everything. However, I would not interact with a male SA or male in general no matter what while en femme. That's where I would draw the line!
Laura
I remember going into Macy's very early in my "career"..hehQuote:
Originally Posted by LauraCassidy
I bought some stockings and a blouse...i checked out and TOWERED over a 5' indian woman that just had this GIANT SMILE on her face...and she kept looking up at me and kept staring at my hairy arms (at that time it was not an option to shave them)....lol
years later, was at a cashier and when she rang up my credit card, my real name came up huge on her screen and she had a script which she recited, saying ..thanks so much MR. xxx., and she paused...i whispered that I have only been a woman for a short time, and she laughed and said i was doing a damn good job...
other than that...never ever in my life has an SA or waiter indicated anything and those times weren't bad at all..
So Laura I would urge you to consider that you are paying these folks to treat you right and you might just love the experience of dealing with them.
teenage girls on the other hand..................
My very first time asking an SA for help was just the other night. She didn't like me and told me I wouldn't find what I'm looking for (said it rather rudely) and walked away. I just left the store after that, I'll never shop there again and am still considering writing an email about it to the corporate offices.
I thought for sure that shopping in male mode for woman's things would be even harder than en femme. I was in a Payless (my wife had just slid around the corner to look for hersel) and I had just put on a pair of 5" clogs and lovee the way they felt as a I walked....when an SA came up behind me and asked if I needed any help (she couldn't have been over 5'5" and in those heels I was 6'4"). Even though startled I calmly said, "no, I'm ok". She asked, "are those for you"? Well, what can one say? I'm clearly trying them on, and I'm the only one in the aisle, and it's not like you can easily buy shoes for someone else! So I just replied, "uh huh". She smiled and let me know that the second pair was half price! and that she'd be glad to help if I needed any.
That was my first interaction with an SA and I've never once worried about it since. I've never had a problem!
tina
...make your displeasure known to either the store manager or else escalate it to the level of the store's (chain's?) head office. No one catering to the public has a right to treat customers in the kind of condescending and disrespectful manner satirized so effectively in the "soup Nazi" episodes on the old Seinfeld shows.Quote:
Originally Posted by aggi123
Like many CDer's, I was nervous and shy when I first went out in public en femme, and always went on the premise that my need to crossdress was my "problem", that it was up to me to deal with it in the most appropriate way possible, and that by extension, I had no business making other people feel uncomfortable by doing this openly - including SA's who would be obliged to serve me when I was shopping in their stores.
I still feel that way in principle, but have also come to the realization that since I make the effort to look, act and dress in as lady-like and age-appropriate a manner as possible (i.e. unlike some Lady Gaga or drag queen caricature of femininity), SA's can at least extend me the courtesy of treating me in kind - especially since I probably dress more fashionably and "put together" than 90% of their typical GG clientele.
I have found that this "pay it forward" approach has served me very well over the years, including being honest and open about the fact that I am a crossdresser, should the question ever come up. As others here have already alluded to, the typical SA will respond in kind, treat us with the same respect due to a GG customer, and in some cases even go "above and beyond" in helping us put our outfits together. Invariably, that is because they are so impressed by our courage to be ourselves that they want to help us as much as possible in succeeding in that quest. And that level of empathy is likely also tied to the innate "mothering" instinct that most women possess.
If we walk into a women's wear store with a self-confident attitude that says we belong there just like any other paying customer, the SA's will pick up on that subliminal message and respond accordingly. And those of us who have had the "cojones" to ask to try on women's clothes while out shopping in drab can attest to the fact that the same principle applies there as well.
You know, when you think about it, there tons of people out there who just love to draw attention to themselves in public by expressing themselves in a manner which most of us would consider to be "in your face" i.e. the ones sporting multiple body piercings, extensive tattoos, purple hair, punk hairstyles, goth make up, wearing lots of "bling", dressed in grungy or sexually provocative clothing including T-shirts bearing vulgar or offensive slogans or sayings etc., etc. And then we, as conservatively and appropriately attired crossdressers should somehow feel "dirty" or shameful in the eyes of the public just because we prefer to express ourselves in our particular manner?
Not this "gurl" - not any more! :bringiton::hmph:
Hi Laura,
I wasn't dressed but I have had two experiences with SAs. To my everlasting regret I was too "shook up" to answer. The first one involved paying at a check stand for some nylons. A very attractive middle aged cashier smiled and asked "Are these for you?" The second incident was at a shoe store. I was looking at a pair of spike heel sandals and a similar middle aged sales lady asked If I would like to try them on. I have always wondered what might have followed had I said yes?
Why is that a problem?Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraCassidy
For example if I was shopping for shoes and the SA happened to be male and offered his assistance it wouldn't be any different from a female SA offering assistance. It's not like speaking with him would imply that I have to have sex with him or anything so his gender shouldn't be an issue...at all.
Veronica Rogers
All of the above is possible I suppose, but I've had only one bad experience (and it rolled of my back):Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraCassidy
I was in a 9West store once and asked if they had this shoe in a 10, and the young girl looked at me and started laughing! Then she walked away! She just couldn't handle it :)
Reminded me of that scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life where the roman soldier was trying for dear life to keep from laughing.
I've been shopping (let's see, 52 x 15, carry the 1 ...) a jillion times en femme over the last 15 years, and that is the only remotely bad thing I've encountered from an SA.
When I ask for help, they are usually quite helpful. However, I do try to look "normal" (whatever that means), which for me is not wearing a tight mini skirt and 5" stillettos, and I'm relaxed and pleasant, like that apophrycal Kangaroo who buys a drink at a bar...
I'm not sure what an "SA" is. I live in Europe and most of my retail shopping is in places like H&M and C&A where the only interaction with staff you have is at the check-out. There, I can tell you, regardless of what you buy they are glad you're spending your money there and paying, in some small part, their salaries.
In January, all of the glad rags on the hangar before the holidays are discounted 20-50%. Those of us with a long perspective snatch them up, and the checkout folk are very glad when we do. Is there *anybody* here who actually had a problem spending their own money for something for sale in a store? Not me--not ever.
Kellie - SA stands for Sales Associate.
Once at business depot, the young girl at the checkout was litterally scared to death after she read me, she didn't know how to react (probably a new employee) so I just smiled and said thanks. She seemed happy that I was pleasant with her and smiled in the end. Another time, I don't know if I was read, but at a thrift store the checkout woman asked questions loudly like do I want a bag, after I nodded no...I was too scared to use my voice then. Recently, at Walmart and a dollar store I smiled and spoke to the cachiers who treated me kindly and just like any other customer. So, I would say it is probably all positive as long as you are relaxed and comfortable with a sense of entitlement.
I have had a few instances where I was looked at with disgust or where I could tell the SA thought I was strange but I have never had anything said to me and no one has ever tried to stop me from making a purchase.
I get ignored mostly by SA's untill i check out then they seem to be nice to me. But that only happens in womens clothing stores are wal mart.
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Originally Posted by LauraCassidy
I felt the same as us when I found out that on my second time out I was having my second makeover and the second day out ever and instead of a girl at MAC doing my makeup it was a gut. WHen I found out I froze, and thought " OMG a gut is going to do my makeup. You see I went to the mall in drab and would change after the makeup was done in the makeover room. It scared me a little but when He started to teach me how to do my makeup I relaxed and it was fine. He told me that he was gay so to make me more comfortable (he saw I was nervous) and when he was done I felt better.
So after that when I see a male SA I no longer care. If they don't like me TFB for them. I like (love) me and they don't have to.
I have never had a problem with a Male SA or a female either.
So don't look at the men as a threat look at them as someone whom (might) be gay or CD too. They do see CD sometimes so it's ok. And if you are there first think of it this way , you will make there day and they will have a good story to tell there friends. And don't worrie about them saying "and I know who that women is as a guy cuz they unless they know you in drab will never guess.
Just have fun and don't limit yourself and you will find friends and fun where you lest expect it. TA TA.
I've been a shop-a-holic since I've been out, and the easiest response I can give is that generally SA's are great, but you're going to find a few that will be iffy here and there..
Like, just this past weekend, I was in a Maurices in NH, and the young girl SA was SO kind I wanted to give her a tip afterwards! She took the things I was carrying, asked me my name, and came back twice more to add more things to my dressing room that she put my name on the cute little hanging whiteboard outside the room!
I go into the Gap at the mall, and people are just the same, friendly, supportive, and willing to help.. and the list could go on and on..
Yet, I went into a Dress Barn store, and we had our backs to the SA as she walked up, and she said 'How can I help you ladies today?' and we both turned about, but when the SA saw me (and I was dressed very respectibly) she was like, 'Oh, sorry, I mean SIR.' grrr...
Just have to take that kind of crap with a grain of salt, smile, and move on!
I was in VS the other night and could not have had a better experance everybody was SOOOOOOO nice.
I second this, in fact, I even had a really, really positive experience with a male SA when out as a "guy in a skirt." Last fall I was in a Gap store at one of the local malls here and I was currently dressed in a skirt and tights and boots but otherwise presenting as a man. I was looking through a rack of plaid pencil skirts at the store when a male SA approached me. He asked me if he could help me and I asked him if they had the skirt in another color because the website did. He told me they didn't but they might get more in, and if I wanted to, I could try on the skirt they did have just to get my sizing right in case I wanted to order it from the site. He then asked me my size and I said a 12. He stopped at looked at me and then said "I think you're probably closer to a 10." I had recently lost a lot of weight, and had gone from 14/16 depending on the store, down to wearing 12s on average, but he sized me up and gosh darn it, he was right. I tried on the 10 and it fit great. I never would have considered going down a size if he hadn't suggested it, which means if I'd made a point of avoiding a male SA, I might still be wearing a size too big.Quote:
Originally Posted by Christina Horton
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Originally Posted by JiveTurkeyOnRye
Ya gotta love it when they surprise you when they know your size better than you.... AS for going down a size or two I have not had that......ever. So good for you.
I haven't shopped en femme...can't happen...but I do frequent the same stores and the SAs know me. I can say that most just treat me like any other customer. I have redeemed a couple hosiery cards at my favorite department store. The SA very cherrily thanked me for buying so much hosiery!