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In my continuing quest for understanding I'm wondering how crossdressing affects your life. Is it in a postive or negative way or both? How so? I am not referring to how it makes you feel. More like how it affects you life's dynamics like relationships, livlihood, friendships, etc. What , if any, adjustments do you have to make to compensate? This is open for comment to absolutely everyone, including SO's.:)
tough question to ask .as i think it affects us all differently ,
its funny as my CDing has moved on to another phase as i get older . in my younger days i dont think it affected life too much , but as the years get on i am getting more and more hooked on it , i am still in the closset so my main problem is finding the time to go further ,
i am frustraited at being in the closset so this causes stress and tension in my relationship .and when i know i have time alone everything gets pushed aside to make room for pernlle to be pernille , so phisically and mentallly it has big effect on me and that affects my family ,( unfortunatly in a negative way)
i also find i spend may hours on this forum, maybe searching for the ultimate answer, or using it as an outlet to my frustration, so even though no one knows about pernille she has a big efect on my surounding family and my time .
I really can't say how it's affected our relationship for sure, since we're apart, but as of right now, I actually think it's improved our relationship (Not that it was going bad before, but still). I'm excited about the prospect of taking him out and treating him like a lady, helping him shop, ect. It really gives us something to look forward to.
It affects everything but in subtle ways: for one, I seek opportunities to dress and when I have them, I try not to let other matters or experiences get in the way. Consequently, since I'm not completely out of the closet, I turn down some invitations and spend quite a bit of time by myself. I'm not unhappy with that, but it does take a bit of a toll.
It's not like CD affects my life- more my life impacts my ability to CD. It's something I think about whenever I meet someone- how would they react, etc. Ironically does make me much less able to be around intolerant or bigoted people. Before when my CD habits are underground even to my wife, I just sort of listened and put up with it- now I just avoid them like the plague after the first sign of ignorance. On the other hand, it's given me much greater courage to do social things which previously I would have done about anything to avoid- when I go it gives me something to think about (namely how it would feel to be there dressed, etc) rather than just being bored...
Its the bane to my exsistance... A pretty bane but a bane none the less..
As of yet it has not had any effect on me, but i'm fairly new at
it.
Tina L.
There is so much positive energy that comes from my continued cross dressing. 1st thing that comes to mind is that it balances out the male energies which allows me to be more caring, loving an compassionate. I practice pool with my breasts on. That allows me to do everything in the order that is part of my routine. Fundamentals is the key at the level of pool I play at. When I get in a game where I do not have the breast on I am able to stay with the routine that I formed with the breast.
By being softer in general and allowing my female side out makes for some interesting conversations. I really enjoy that. It is a lot better than being the bully. That my sound weird but it works for me. Plus being muscled up no one says a thing about my acrylic nails. LOL>...... As a matter of fact women just love my nails and are impressed that a man takes care of them. I live in east TX we have a lot of bubba's here.LOL....
Cross dressing --- the wonder --- Helps me to be me at my job, I do remodeling I get to explore different styles and aspects of what people want to do with there homes. I offer up ideas with theirs and then we come up with a plan that works and is not only beautiful but functional also. It may sound strange again but I can thank myself for cross dressing. It has opened up the other half of my personality and allows me to be whole and a better person.
No one knows that I am a cross dresser except all of you.
I could go on and on about many ways that cross dressing and has opened me up to my female side. I am open to conversations with the email here.
Well, returning after 10 years w/o dressing, it's kind of a money pit at the moment :)
But it has encouraged me to loose weigth in order to buy some skirts and blouses that would be nicely fitting. This is good.
It also opened up some ways of thinking and some doors in my mind that I tought were closed for good.
I don't know where this will lead me but I believe that the path needs to be walked to its end for once. This time around, the goal is to go out on the street at least once in full dress. At least once.
We'll see.
Maude
I believe that Linnea sums it up rather well.
For myself dressing is a hobby, a hobby I can only pursue when my wife is out (she knows I dress and is tolerant but that's our arrangement.) Any time my wife is out for perhaps more than two hours on go the fineries and drab life comes to a halt.
Not to complain but I do lament that I cannot be more choosy as to when I dress. Alone time is always enjoyed whether I dress or not but dressing further isolates me from other life opportunities. It's clearly what I choose but I am learning to say no to dressing on some occasions so that I may accomplish more in my standard drab life...which is equally as important to me :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by linnea
[SIZE="2"]It has a positive effect – I’m more comfortable, calm, level-headed in a crisis and gentle when I’m dressed (or knowing that I’ll be dressing later on). The only negative may be time lost writing these posts and messages, when I should be doing something in my studio, but I enjoy chanting my feminine mantra among other kindred spirits. I choose to think this is time well-spent, but I can look at (or think about) anything anyway I wish. I do take a break now and then, but I return out of curiosity, since this is my only connection with the transgendered world…:battingeyelashes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
Of course, crossdressing helps with relationships and friendships in subtle ways. I find it easy, for example, to write to my friends in the outside world, since I’ve “warmed up” by writing PM’s here. I’m friendlier as a result. Crossdressing is always in the background (in my case), affecting nearly every part of my life directly or indirectly. Even when I’m not dressed, I’m CD’ing in my mind, and dreaming about it when I sleep…:sleep:[/SIZE]
I would very much echo Frederique's sentiments. Accepting my CDing has brought a lot of positives to my life. I am told I am calmer, more resilient, more friendly and compassionate (this all from my wife, who doesn't much like the dresses but likes her more likeable husband).
The only downside I suppose is the time and energy I spend turning this old duck into a beautiful swan -- but you don't get something for nothing, do you?
CDing is starting to have an effect on my marraige but that is combined with the gender issues I'm going through. My wife senses something is wrong and probably thinks I'm having an affair because I'm distant towards here and feel depressed sometimes.
When I get the chance to dress then I'm a nicer person to be around although she doesn't know that's the reason. xx
I am pretty open with my gender expression.
It does kind of suck cause I always feel like people are judging me and stuff.
How it effects -
Well, while a peaceful one, about to go thru a divorce partially over it.
Family - They don't treat or act any different than they ever have.
Friends - I am pretty much a loner but those acquaintances or friends, I am just me.
Strangers - sometimes get weird looks or rude comments. That is, if they notice something is different like if I get read or if they even notice or care.
Work - I am in beauty school, I figure cosmetology would be the best field to be able to express myself.
It's a balancing act, but I sure feel balanced. :D
... and then you'll be hooked for life! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MaudeB
But seriously, the crossdressing has impacted my life in both positive and negative ways. I love living outside the box. The negative is having to keep secrets and the resulting fear that I experience.
Over ti,e it has changed my life as to how I dress normally. Originally I was in the closet and over the years I have taken small steps in my manner of dressing. Now in drab I wear womens jeans, underdress, 2-5 earings, clear nail polish or with a slight tint. Body is shaven and showing, and I wear mascara. That is in drab. I dress every night and mostly to the nines.
It adds tension to the marriage relationship. Since I came out to my wife, I no longer have the guilt of keeping secrets, but since she not fully accepting and supportive, it adds tension when she knows I dress.
Since My first outing a few months ago, I can't wait to do it again. I have been in a heavy pink fog since then. My son moved home, so the chance for me to dress at home is no longer likely. I have a couple of business trips coming up soon, so all I can think about is my next chance to dress and go out and meet with other sisters.
It often consumes my thoughts to the point it is hard to focus on work, so yes it is affecting my performance.
I know it is part of me and is not going away. I just have to learn to control it.
Balance. It absolutely balances my emotions, stress, aggression, everything.
When things start to build up on me, CD'ing balances it out, cuts it back to a manageable state.
It also affects the way I think. What I mean to say is, I start to think about what I'm going to say, before I say it (something my male self has an issue with). That usually lasts for at least a couple of days. I don't understand why, but I like it :)
I often have those thoughts that CDing is having negative effects on my life, marriage, etc like many here. Like others, I often give up other activities whenever I have a chance to dress (home alone.) A bit of guilt in keeping a secret. That depression that comes from knowing that I can never share this part of my life with the person who means so much to me. But all in all, I do try to keep the necessary things on top of my pile and only give myself a femme-treat when the time is right.
Be safe, be frilled, Rikki
Hi Denise
I've been dressing for over sixty years and it's who I am and it's what I do.
It just seems normal although my wife tolerats it
it's kind of a don't ask don't tell kind of thinggie.
Only my wife and a couple thousand girls on this forum know about ((Orchid))
My wife knows the only way it will ever go away is if I take it with
me when I leave and with 46yrs. of marrage and in our mid 60's
we neither one want that.
I have Two to three hours in the morning and evening to dress
if i feel like it now that I am retired.
I would say I am happy kind of neutral I know my boundries
and stay within them. I don't rock the boat because I don't
want to get thrown overboard.
We are about take a 2 to 3 month trip in our motorhome with
another couple ((our best friends)) and I can't take ((Orchid))
along. When we get back I will probably be ready for the Nut house
sometimes I start ramblin on not knowing where its going to take me
thanks for listening
Orchid
Well said to everyone here.
I worry about getting older....what happens when we are are in our 70's or 80's????
I'm in my 50's and like to dress younger than that (according to my wife!!).
I feel that given I am a CD my feminine side has less to do with age than a state of mind.....but what does happen when I am 80+ and even possibly not of sound mind???
I regret not coming out to my wife sooner as well.....I feel like I wasted years of happiness.
Thoughts/comments???
I am 77, and except for a 5 year period many years ago have been crossdressing since age 6 or 7! Told my bride-to-be before we married, she accepted me "as is," and we had almost 50 years of happiness together before cancer took her!
The 5 year period happened after our children came along because I thought it would be better if I quit completely. After the 5 years had gone by, my dear late wife asked me to bring Stephanie back into our lives!!She enjoyed the things we did as two girls!!
Now that she is no longer around to fix my wig and do my makeup, I just go out as a guy in a skirt or dress!! I have no desire to be a girl, lady, or anything else. I am a man and know it, and I am happy to be that way. But I do also love to crossdress, and will continue to do so as long as I can!!:)
To me it is very similar to when a well renowned sex expert was asked to give a speech to a large group. They waited on edge for what pearls of wisdom he might give. When he was introduced and he got to the podium, all waited for his insight on sex. He cleared his throat and said "It gives me great pleasure." and he sat down
So my thoughts on crossdressing? "It gives me great pleasure."
As much as I luv dressing (which is alot), I find it very challenging trying to balance it out in my personal life. I think to some degree, its complicated my personal life. As I've gotten older, my dressing has really progressed, and because of it, I've become somewhat distant from friends and family. I'm always trying to find that opportunity to get dolled up which cuts-in to my friends and family time. I should say that I'm in the closet, so none of my friends and family know about my other side, which I know does complicate things.
The only effect crossdressing has on my life is that I spend way too much time on this site.
:eek:
I sometimes wish I could just wash it away . my wife enjoys the time spent together , and it's a relaxing affair . But , I'm getting a little fed up with comments here and there , like eye brows , shaven arms ect . I do feel a little guilty not having come out totally to my family and few friends ...but what really gets my goat is the nerve of some people passing comments . I don't judge folks on they're looks ...... and would never say things to gain a reaction . Why can't folks just accept people for what they are ??
Perhaps I'm too sensative .
I do also occaisionally regret the amount of money spent on crossdressing . Even tho an awful lot is obtained as cheaply as possible over the years it mounts up . Then theres the realization , new dress shoes , makeup , to only just sit at home feeling sensual , and within a flash sometimes feeling silly , wishing to take it all off , have a massive bonfire in a purgence .
There's a myriad of emotions and feelings in crossdressing , perhaps if I were to come out totally I'd find peace , but I doubt it .
It's a horrible bullying truth that there are certain places and people ( including where I live) that regard people like me with a stigma , a freak on a leash , and it bothers me .I still feel guilty . To be honest I'm thinking of quitting ( it'll never happen for long ) dressing and taking a different path in life to see how I truely develope ...........
Perhaps this humerous slogan I read on a wall in London years ago sums me up - " Roses are red , violets are blue , I'm a schitzophrenic and so am I "
Talk about an itch that will not go away .......
like a drug...the more i dress the more i want to dress.:daydreaming:
no wife, no girl friend, so none of "those problems":heehee:
no wife, no girl friend, so no one to shaire "those problems ":eek:
some here say balance, not sure about that, what is balance. i have been off for so long, not sure what that is.
just love being loni, working on getting her out again, (had to pack up all life for a time). with a life changing event last year and now that things are better, just trying to learn more about and expand me.
sounds selfish....
spend a lot of time alone..but always have. put off other things that must get done to please loni.
how does one put thoughts into words that say something? not a writer.
but as to how it affects me, i must say for the better.:daydreaming:
.
I'd say that cross dressing affects me in different ways at different levels.
At home, it causes mental strife because my dad would never be able to understand and my political enemies would use it to destroy someone about whom I care if they find out before I am completely retired from the political arena.
Travelling to and from work, I find I am so much more relaxed when I'm dressed and in work, my dressing is tolerated within boundaries that I am still exploring. I don't yet know how that might change if I go for a new job.
On the emotional level, I always tried to be compassionate and understanding, but since I have accepted my transgender, I find these qualities are becoming even more natural to me.
Like many of the other girls who have contributed to this thread, I find I am spending a lot of time on this forum that I should maybe be using for other things, but it helps me to balance out the other pressures in my life.
In relationships, it has allowed me to make two new true friends and has helped me to realise that most of those I called "friends" only want to know me for what I can give them. One - a married GG - says she finds that sad, but I would rather have two or three true friends (like her) who accept me for who I am than dozens who want to mould me into their idea of who I should be.
Since coming to terms with who I am, I would say it has had equal positive and negative results. The calmness Jennifer brings to my live has been beneficial. The flip side is I have noticed a change in my marriage. Although supportive, my wife seems distant of late.
Overall it has complicated my live. I spend a great deal of time on this site. I able to say things here that I am unable to with my wife. The time spent here could be spent doing other things. Also, these days I wish the need would go away. I am uncertain which side is in control.
I think live without Jennifer would be boring and unfullfilling though. She is a big part of my life and has taken me on a amazing journey.
I find negatives and positives.
My GF doesn't know I dress, and the guilt that I feel from that is a big negative.
I also get quite secretive in times of dressing, and this can create distance occasionally, between us.
The positives?
Where do I start.
Im a much calmer, more caring person for dressing.
I don't tend to panic as easily.
I get to feel, look and smell pretty and feminine.
I can relax and not worry about holding myself as a guy (I can find myself letting one wrist go limp on occasion when in guy mode... hate it), en femme, I can do whatever.
The clothes make me feel softer and more gentle, like Im something delicate.
One final positive, I can choose how I act based upon what I wear.
Dont get that wearing jeans and a t-shirt all day every day!
My work, not affected at all, as I'm not 'out'. Relationships, well, none anymore, as I've tried to make it clear from the outset that I'm a crossdresser, and haven't found any women who find that attractive. So that's pretty much put an and to my social life. Back when I got divorced, those I told about my crossdressing have since pretty much eliminated me from their lives. I have a few friends left, who know nothing about my crossdressing, and I feel I have to keep it that way, or I'll be completely alone.
Many thanks to everyone who responded so far. I have to play "catch up" a bit as for some reason I have been unable to access the Forum for the last couple of days.
I'd say for myself until I balanced my feelings and integrated them, the CDing which was only really tolerated by my SO and family was a constant source of stress. I decided to take ownership of the feelings and make the dressing a conscious choice. That was the only way I could beat it as a compulsion. I had voiluntatily been away from it for a full year until recently. I don't "need" to do it per se but as my best friend told me it's "what you do" especially when I go out dancing because that is when the energies really flow freely. I was in denial of that fact but it is what it is. I've realized the best thing to do is just be yourself and enjoy life.:)
Apart from my wife and maybe my eldest step-son (I think he's worked it out) my family don't know about my CD side. However, nearly everyone has seen me wearing tights/pantyhose and girly shoes and nobody says a word about it. It has very little effect on my life.
I started thinking about all the ways life has changed in the last 4+ years. The list went on and on. It's really a very positive list but I find that there is a way to sum it all up:
Because of Tina and a loving wife I continue to be able to explore a part of me that I never identified and never understood. There are not many better things in life than learning about who you are. Tina has augmented my life and my relationship with my wife. Everything that I do has a component of Tina...everything.
See, that was better than reading a long boring list, no? :)
tina
Negative: I have sabotaged relationships (with girlfriends) to avoid telling them. I have avoided getting into relationships to avoid telling them.
Positive: When in relationships I think I have been a better bf. More understanding, more caring, better lover...
Though I can't be "all" of me with my friends, who I am with them is not a lie, excluding those of omission.
Overall I am a better person and consider it an incredibly positive aspect of my life. I am working, as all of us are (if I may be so bold) on finding a balance.
It has not affected my life at all in a very long time, but then, I have not dressed in a very long time either.
Like many of the respondents, I live my life in two dimensions. At home with my wife, I'm Kim - dressed as a woman. And out in the world, I'm the same person, but dressed as a man. A few of my female friends seem to pick up on some "vibe"...that I'm different than other males in some respect. For example, I spent an evening with my wife and several of her female co workers - I was the only male there...and they made me feel like one of the girls...although none of them mentioned if they noticed my stockings or the straps of my cami under my top.
Hi there
It makes my life so Complicated.
Spending larger amounts of money,the Stress,lying,hiding things,depression,enjoyment Etc.
But it does make life more bearable. :brolleyes:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/
Before I came to terms with everything -- before I understood my desires and the reasons for them -- I had a tougher time. Mainly because I hadn't fully accepted things myself, so it was hard to share with others.
But I'm really lucky in that I've never felt profound shame or guilt over this part of my life and in fact, have come to feel really good about it. When faced with the hypothetical "if you could take a pill today and change this part of you..." that's an easy resounding No! for me.
Although I'm not dressing much these past several years (I live alone, just haven't had a strong desire for a variety of reasons) I love my dressing experiences and am very glad I full explored this side of myself at a time when I was very free to do so. I've had some incredibly accepting girlfriends, have been out a bunch and basically fulfilled almost all my fantasies.
Although it does cause some apprehension in the early stages of a new relationship, I'm drawn to understanding, giving and open people in general, so I have actually started to look forward telling the new person in my life.
And when I do tell them, it's with pride and enthusiasm. Of course, that is tempered with respecting their limits and concerns but I discovered a long time ago that unless you feel good about yourself (and any part of yourself) you can't expect someone else to be accepting, either.
So, while when I was younger and before I had access to forums like this and all the resources on the internet, I'd say crossdressing for me was a negative.
But now, I see it as a very positive thing where I've had some fantastic experiences.
Wow. This is a complicated question. I think the best way for me to answer this is to start another thread where I can ask another very philosophical question...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
It's brought us closer together and I certainly will ask more instead of keeping quiet. As for livlihood it's not affected that at all, we work at the same place and whilst I know that people will talk, nothing has been said to me.
Now friendships again not really been affected, lost one couple and to be honest it's their lost not mine.