Lifetime single? Still hoping, or resigned to solitude?

[SIZE="3"][SIZE="3"]Are any of you long time, or lifetime single? If you are, have you been seeking a dating life, friendship? Or, are you giving up, coming to accept, that you will be solitary, never have a mate? I did a lot of dating in my 30's, but, i was not cding then. Now, at almost 56, lower income, and, soon having to care for my dad, i don't see a lot of hope, and am becoming accepting, that i likely will never be a husband, or father. At times, it hurts tremendously, especially when people talk about their mates, kids, and grandkids, and me being the loner! But, a minority of us, never had the chance, to have SO and kids. CDing , of course, does it even slimmer. Maybe I'm belly aching now, as i am in pain, from hernia surgery! Enjoyed the superduper bowl.[/SIZE][/SIZE]

I'm single and quite happy. I can't afford to date. I like haveing sex with many different people, I'd hate to be stuck with one person for sex, especially if they aren't open minded enough to try differnt things or don't like what I like.
I've never wanted kids. I don't believe in cheating or divorce, so that only leaves 2 things stay single, or murder.
Besides all that, I don't trust anyone so I wouldn't be able to live with anyone. And I'm incapable of love, trust me on this. I've killed pets, because they pissed me off. AndI've dumped "good" friends for the same reason and have never spoken to them again.
It's just best, I stay single.

[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Lisa, I can relate to what you say, some. I can be hell to live with, an can't handle arguing, being criticized! I don't know how couples, and families do it! They have strengths i don't have. I realize I am narcissistic more, and more, as i age, as a loner, but, still help others at times. It is kind of like being alone makes us more narcissistic, in spite of trying not to be.

i guess i am lifetime single. not good at getting dates.

it would be nice to have a body next to me on those cold winter nights. but not to many ladys out there willing to put up with my working life. the hr's are a bctih.

.

I seem to go through months of single and then a couple of months of relationship, then single again. Every once in a while I can find some gal into CD and other fun stuff.

im still too young to think about it but so far i've never had a girlfriend yet. i was in a relationship that lasted barely 2 weeks but i guess that doesn't count. other then that every time i had the opportunity to start a friendship that would later turn into a relationship always ended at what it started. girls that i thought i had a chance with simply became my good friends and that was it. and they all knew very well to trust me with their secrets. well things they did with guys and how hot it was and bla bla bla. at first i was shocked that my lady friend was telling me all that. i guess somehow they got the idea that i wasn't a typical macho guy and so they accepted me just as another friend. back then however i had no idea i was a cd. on my side though even now days whenever i see a pretty girl i really don't know what to think. do i want to be with her or do i want to have her body. so if i would have a girlfriend i would just end up being jelouse of her body or just any other feminine trait. so.. ye.

it does put a deffernt kink into the saying,
boy would i love to get into her pants:heehee::heehee:


.

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Originally Posted by Treetop Louise

[SIZE="3"][SIZE="3"]Are any of you long time, or lifetime single? If you are, have you been seeking a dating life, friendship? Or, are you giving up, coming to accept, that you will be solitary, never have a mate? I did a lot of dating in my 30's, but, i was not cding then. Now, at almost 56, lower income, and, soon having to care for my dad, i don't see a lot of hope, and am becoming accepting, that i likely will never be a husband, or father. At times, it hurts tremendously, especially when people talk about their mates, kids, and grandkids, and me being the loner! But, a minority of us, never had the chance, to have SO and kids. CDing , of course, does it even slimmer. Maybe I'm belly aching now, as i am in pain, from hernia surgery! Enjoyed the superduper bowl.[/SIZE][/SIZE]

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Well I was going to say "I'm right there with you," except I'm 26. :P But I do understand what you mean: I get jealous of all the pretty young couples getting married all around me, I kind of have a "whoa, never thought that would happen" moment when I find out some old friends are now parents, etc. And I know I still have lots of time, but I'm seeing the pickings get slimmer and slimmer every year. It *IS* discouraging. I'm with ya.

"born alone die alone no crew to keep my crown or throne" - nasir jones

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Originally Posted by Treetop Louise

Are any of you long time, or lifetime single? If you are, have you been seeking a dating life, friendship? Or, are you giving up, coming to accept, that you will be solitary, never have a mate?

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[SIZE="2"]I’m a lifelong single. I came close to getting married about eight years ago, but it didn’t work out. I had fun dating, but I’m comfortable being single and solitary – it suits me just fine, because a lot of frenetic activity and worry just wears me out. My original GF is still out there, and I see her from time to time (in fact I should be writing to her rather than writing this post!). I may see her later this year, as a matter of fact. She always tells me she loves me, and I keep wondering if we will end up with each other when we get older – I think that is the un-discussed question between us, in fact she has brought up the idea from time to time. I cannot remember what my response was. I take care of my sister, who is eleven years older than me, and I’m trying not to think about what life would be like without her. My longtime GF has her problems, and I may prefer to live alone and avoid a situation where friction would arise (frequently). We’re soul-mates, but we just never got things aligned properly. Maybe that has happened for a reason. So, I haven’t quite given up yet, but the older I get the less active I become (in terms of dating). There may be one more romantic episode in my life, and I may have just enough strength to handle it…:straightface:[/SIZE]

I have been with lots of women/relationships and have been married/divorced 3 times. (two were gold-diggers, all had affairs leading to divorce). Last divorce was 14 years ago, and I have a teen daughter as proof. I lost my career, house, 6 figure income and declared bankruptcy in that deal...hehe. I am not criticising affairs, it is just something I am not interested in dealing with in a partner.

I am back on top again, and it will not be the last time I go from riches to poverty and back again. No regrets.

I am alone, but never lonely. I am always happy. I am just more realistic in expectations now. I have decided I am good at many things, but picking a partner is obviously not one of them. lol

Every person has positives and negatives about them. When you are dating someone one of your goals is to find out these aspects and then make a decision as to if you want to carry the relationship further.

Being transgender from most peoples perspectives is going to go down as a negative so with that said you MUST have a whole lot of positives to ofset the negative.

Another little tidbit. Have confidence!

I thought I was going to continue to be single for a long time. I actually like being single though. To my surprise though I met a girl...........so far all seems really awesome.

I think the best advice I ever got was - don't judge yourself by the person you're with, find happiness in myself, and if the opportunity presented itself, to share that happiness with another person.

As for kids, there are millions of children that need a supportive person in their lives - biology doesn't make a parent - caring does. Maybe you can find one child that needs a loving adult...or a classroom of kids and give of your time.

From the vantage point of fifty-plus I'd have to guess that we will see more and more single, never married, gender bending people in the future. There was a lot more sublimation, most of it at the sub-consciousness level, twenty and thirty years ago, and people got involved in 'normal' relationships and perhaps never really questioned why they felt certain 'inappropriate urges.'

I've been married 3 x, four kids, five grandchildren, and I don't regret any of it. However, I occasionally wonder if I'd grown up in a more open culture whether or not I'd have discovered the bisexual/TV part of me in my teens or twenties, and never have been involved in the suburban, backyard Barbecue, soccer and Little League scene.

On the other hand, let's make sure we all realize the threat which is posed to non-traditional lifestyles by the religious right agenda. You'd be terrified to know how many people there are out there who would like to criminalize homosexuality and transvestitism. The American Taliban is Christian, but it's policies are as homophobic and misogynistic as the Islamic version in Afghanistan.

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Originally Posted by Treetop Louise

[SIZE="3"]Are any of you long time, or lifetime single? If you are, have you been seeking a dating life, friendship? Or, are you giving up, coming to accept, that you will be solitary, never have a mate?[/SIZE]

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Yep, lifetime single. I let one get away who probably should have been "the one" and no-one else ever came close. Perhaps because I am transgender, although for years I denied it, GGs have always tended to confide in me as a "best friend" rather than look on me as a potential mate.

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Originally Posted by Treetop Louise

[SIZE="3"]I did a lot of dating in my 30's, but, i was not cding then. Now, at almost 56, lower income, and, soon having to care for my dad, i don't see a lot of hope, and am becoming accepting, that i likely will never be a husband, or father. At times, it hurts tremendously, especially when people talk about their mates, kids, and grandkids, and me being the loner! But, a minority of us, never had the chance, to have SO and kids.[/SIZE]

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I am in a similar position, just a couple of years younger, but also looking after my widowed dad on a low income. I am good with children, but can never see myself becoming a parent at this stage of my life; besides I now know I am a woman in a man's body, so I wouldn't get into the parenting game in that way.

Been single way to long have tryed free dating site but no success think females see me and run a mile. Not realy into pubs and clubs scene that not say I drink as I do but just social drink or pint while watching football in my local pub. I hope that one day I find my princess hopefully that is fine with my female side, also be help if she same size in clothes hehe.

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Originally Posted by Nylon Zoe

Been single way to long have tryed free dating site but no success think females see me and run a mile. Not realy into pubs and clubs scene that not say I drink as I do but just social drink or pint while watching football in my local pub. I hope that one day I find my princess hopefully that is fine with my female side, also be help if she same size in clothes hehe.

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Zoe, I doubt that females run when they see you... Honestly, I don't know how people ever meet people, except by getting out there (not the pub scene necessarily, but out interacting with other people in a myriad of environments). I don't believe there is "one" person, but rather a range of people that can work well with any of us. But the key is always to love thyself...in doing so, you become appealing to others and are capable of truly loving others.

I think your right there as never truly loved meself. I have start getting out there more as pub full of men watching match don't count and any females that are there are taking. Are woman still after romantic men. I've not giving up as someday I meet someone and the spark be there.

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Originally Posted by Nylon Zoe

I think your right there as never truly loved meself. I have start getting out there more as pub full of men watching match don't count and any females that are there are taking. Are woman still after romantic men. I've not giving up as someday I meet someone and the spark be there.

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just be yourself...and let life surprise you

I am married for 15 years and I love it. No way would I want to be single ever again!

Then again, my wife knows all about me, is completely accepting and on top of that deals with all of my crap.

I got it good!

Treetop Louise, I have been divorce for the last 18 plus years and have dated maybe five woman since then three out of the five knew I crossdress. The last one lasted the longest and it ended about five years ago.
Right now I don't really care if I find somebody or not, yes it would be nice if I did, but not in any hurry to find anyone. I can dress whenever I want, keep my body hair free, would like to lose some weight, been thinking about signing up for nutri-system as my feminine self.
I may be the odd person in a group but that don't stop my friends from inviting me to functions.
They don't know I dress as a woman and if they did I probably wouldn't get invited. That side of me stays in the closet but will still go out for drives dressed as a woman. I am hoping to go more as a woman but will have to travel to another city for that.

I am about to be divorced.
At 35, I am really wanting to taste freedom.
I have heard though that people tend to want to marry when they get older.

I think you could find a mate, just look at this - have you honestly tried to meet someone? I mean really tried? Just work on what you need to fix.

Thing is, make no mistake that kids are a real pain to raise. Yeah people act like it is a happy happy joy joy thing to have kids but behinds the scenes it is pretty tough. Some people tend to want to display their kids or grand kids as trophies. What you don't see is the amount of hassle involved.

Ya know with dating though, I don't know what the singles life is like for someone older than my age but aren't there sites for dating, like decent ones such as eharmony? I mean yeah there are jokes like craigslist but if a *real* dating site would work, would it be worth trying?

Wow I just don't know. I am on the other side, married but wanting my freedom.

For some of us, being single comes much easier than being coupled does.

At 60, I have spent a lifetime single, with little likelihood of that changing.

There is not even crossdressing to blame, because that is a recently adopted hobby for me.

Five or ten years between dates has not been unusual for me. For the most part, I rarely ever meet single women; sometimes none for years at a time.

One benefit of dressing up is that now women approach me, and initiate contact, which absolutely never happened in my pre-dressing, drab days.

It is not so bad being permanently single. A lot of conflict is avoided. When I have a dating relationship, I leave if conflict arises. The conflict is something that I don't need.

From time immemorial, going back over 40 years, marriage was not a life goal of mine. I did not want children or a wife.

And the fear of divorce was another factor that kept me away from marriage.

All in all, I vote for single.

i feel that if i put erica in a box and hide her then my odds of finding a gg are better than 30/70. im 44 divorced and have two son's, ex never knew about erica, its now 5 years later i have had one gg girlfriend and it lasted about two months she wanted erica to fly the cd flag and step up and step out, (just not my thing)

im coming to terms with who i am and what i must do ,if i want some one (so)

1 hide erica( in a box)
2 meet and greet (gg's)
3 find one i thing is or could be excepting of cd's
4 build trust and then tell her about erica
5 cover up and hide in cave if 4 go's wrong
6 if 4 go's wrong start over at 1 after 2 or 3 years in cave
7 if 4 works then take what she is willing to give, dont push and complain (die mostly happy ) its the best we can hope for


i have 1 down (never been cought and every thing fits in two big trunks

just cant seem to find where to meet gg's (any idea's) please....

It's never too late. I turn 58 last Nov 25 and got married for the first time when I was 57. Also had my kid, a great little 4 year old when I was 53. thats proves that it is never too late. I wouldn't suggest people as long as I did; but the right person did come around, it just a long time for me.

I'm 42, a singleton, never been on a date in my life. And yep, still a virgin. Don't "self pleasure" either. I'm mostly resigned to solitude, though Valentines Day makes me feel like crap.

Veronica Rogers

Even before I was dressing on a frequent basis I had trouble attracting women. All through high school I never had a girlfriend. In fact I didn't even have a real date until I was 19. That relationship lasted all of 2 weeks. I've had a couple brief encounters since then but nothing that ever panned out into a serious relationship. I'm 31 now and can count on one hand the number of women I've been with. It does bother me at times that I am still single. I have thought about banishing Kendra before but then I realized if I can't find a meaningful relationship as a guy and am stuck being single, I might as well be single dressed how I want to be dressed. I do hope to find a woman someday, hopefully while I'm still relatively young.

I need a CD soul mate. :battingeyelashes:

I'm a huge eHarmony booster.

My wife and I met there as have I think 8 other couples that are either family members or close friends.

So far all the marriages seem to be holding up so far. I highly recommend the service.

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Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite

On the other hand, let's make sure we all realize the threat which is posed to non-traditional lifestyles by the religious right agenda. You'd be terrified to know how many people there are out there who would like to criminalize homosexuality and transvestitism. The American Taliban is Christian, but it's policies are as homophobic and misogynistic as the Islamic version in Afghanistan.

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Kinda off subject and not based on reality. I think they have a pill for that.

Anyway, if you don't get out there and meet people, then you won't hook up. I've never tried to pick up women, but always had dates. If you're around enough women, or men for that matter, you will find that you and some of them gravitate toward each other. It's only natural. So, get out there. Join a club, start a hobby, etc. Doesn't matter what. Getting around people is the key.

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Originally Posted by girlalex

im still too young to think about it but so far i've never had a girlfriend yet. i was in a relationship that lasted barely 2 weeks but i guess that doesn't count. other then that every time i had the opportunity to start a friendship that would later turn into a relationship always ended at what it started. girls that i thought i had a chance with simply became my good friends and that was it. and they all knew very well to trust me with their secrets. well things they did with guys and how hot it was and bla bla bla. at first i was shocked that my lady friend was telling me all that. i guess somehow they got the idea that i wasn't a typical macho guy and so they accepted me just as another friend. back then however i had no idea i was a cd. on my side though even now days whenever i see a pretty girl i really don't know what to think.

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Interesting, exactly how I feel and what I've been experiencing!
except im still very much attracted to girls, actually more complicated (in my opinion) im both very attracted to them and want to look like them?!
i guess i'm young too, but just the title of this thread scares me some

I was a real loner all through school and never even had any friends, much less a date, until I was over 21 years old. Things happened quickly after that and I met the woman who I've now been married to for almost 25 years.

But I think something from back then still effects my personality. Somehow deep inside I am still a loner and tend to withdraw when stressed and value time I can be alone over my time with anybody else.

Somehow, over all those years alone, it became my default position so even now that I've been married for so long it takes an effort sometimes to be part of a couple and not withdraw.

Who knows... if it hadn't been for that twist of fate (I'm still convinced that my wife is the ONLY person I've met in my entire life that I would ever have been happy with, so if I hadn't met her I'd still be single) I'd probably be in exactly your position. Would I be happier? No way of telling. Whenever I have my doubts, I tell myself that we always want what we don't or can't have, so my thoughts of a simpler life alone just stem from the fact that it is the opposite of what I have now.

Finally, I personally believe that it is never to late. The way I met my wife convinced me that you could be bemoaning your solo existence today, and planning your wedding 6 months from now. When it happens, it could come totally out of left field from a direction you never would have expected. And then.... 10 years from now you might be happily married, wondering how your life might have been better if you'd stayed single. :)

It makes me sad to read posts by people who don't want to be single, but are unable to find friends/mates/relationships etc. CDing/gender are not the only things which cause one not to relate to others. As a manager of people I have seen many who did not relate to others. Both men and women expressed loneliness yet didn't understand how to build relationships with people of the opposite sex or even their own as friends. Being hard to get along with, moody, and picky only inhibit choices of who you might be compatible with and will cause you to have to work harder.

If one wishes to be single there is nothing wrong with it, but if not then find what is causing you not to be able to relate. There are just too many people out there who are looking for companionship. You will not find a friend hiding in your home anymore than a salesman would find customers in his home. The only problem I see with CDing is that dressing takes a long time and tends to cause other things to be pushed aside. If you spend hours prepping everyday it does not leave time for other social activities.

Before I met my wife I dated a lot of girls. I loved girls and always wanted to date the new girl I met. I worked at it trying to figure ways to meet girls and make them want to go out with me. When I was in the service I had dates most weekends as did my roommate and friends. What was in common among us was the willingness to take the good with the bad. It did not bother me to be turned down for a date or for a second date. Yes, when I started dating, NO scared me, but I learned if I asked enough I would get a date. Being shy caused me to miss dates in the beginning. Then it dawned on me that if I never asked, I would never get the date anyway.

Most of the people I know who are in successful relationships know their partners faults, but choose to focus on the positives.

[SIZE="3"]Thanks for all the replies and sharing and advice! In my case, i have dated around 50 different gg's after age 27, mostly ones a lot older than me, and only one, that would have committed to me, but, she had two daughters, and I did not have the means to afford housing, and enough income to give them a decent life. It is MUCH tougher for men today, to be the sole provider, and 2/3 of college grads are women. For the first time in U.S. history, wives are out earning husbands! I heard this on radio news. As for me being lifetime single, I had several aunts and uncles who died single, and several friends, recently died never with a SO. None of my siblings are with SO, or married. The difficult, emotionally torturous way my family, and life has been, and still is, would have been way too over the top, for any lady to accept, or deal with. It may be a blessing, that i, and some others have stayed alone, as hard as that is to accept. I do have a few senior lady friends more senior than me. As a baby boomer, I almost never had women friends my own age. Veronica, I can relate. Good replies![/SIZE]

Before you can make any progress on having a successful relationship with someone else make sure that you have a successful relationship with yourself. This is the challenge of what we do. I was in two different marriages over the course of 30 years and both failed most likely because I never confronted my inner demons so that I could make peace with myself.

Now I am happy with who I am, I am accepting of my transgender self and I have no qualms stating what I want and need. I have finally crossed the first hurdle.

I have also learned that while being in a relationship is nice, I will never again allow the needs of a relationship be at the expense of being me. Now this does not mean that I cannot have meaningful discussion on and work through issues that come up, but I will never again delegate my happiness to someone else. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness and once we get that part and are committed to being true to ourselves then it becomes much easier to find someone to share your happiness with because now you know what it looks like.

Melissa

[SMelissa, You are right on! It has taken me 56 yrs to find this. Society has told us we are nearly worthless, unless we are in love, with a special someone. Truth is, that special someone can be a devil!IZE="3"][/SIZE]

31 and never been anything other than single. I've only ever had one second date.

I can't blame the CDing as it only really started last year.

long time single

My last marriage ended just before my sons 2nd birthday. He will be 21 in April. A little over 10 years ago, I got a job upgrade and my job was now 50 miles away. So I have been commuting 100 miles round trip 5 or 6 days a week for more then 10 years now. Needless to say, this is NOT good for the dating scene. I leave my house at 6:30 a.m. and don't get home until after 7 p.m. and have now been dateless for 9 years. After awhile, it just kind of slips your mind. I always hold out hope, but I also know, my winter hours can make my work day longer, as I work outdoors, and they have cost me alot of relationships. I just go with the flow now.

I've been married now for 7 years but before I met my wife I was single for 12 years. I didn't even kiss a woman on the lips during that time, never mind anything else. I mean to say, there was nothing happening at all. I used to hate Valentines Day and it was always a difficult reminder for me at family gatherings as everyone else was "two by two".

However, it all changed when I met my wife online on a crossdressing forum of all places! I am a total believer in "love will conquer all" and that "there's someone for everyone". The only problem is being patient and finding them. If it's meant to be it will happen and when it does you don't have to "do" anything, it just seems to naturally happen anyway. Good luck and stay optimistic. 56 is still relatively young this day and age, and with new 21st century drugs and whatnot who says you won't live until you're 100? If you do make it to that age, do you really think you're gonna stay single during the next 44 years? .... I highly doubt it! :hugs:

[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Aubrey, I can relate. Years can fly by, without chances to meet. I wonder, at times, if we are better alone. Rachel, wow, I hope i don't live to be 100! My dad is 89, could make it, but, he is not at all happy, wants me, to go live with him, so he won't have to go to a nursing home, but, living with his controlling, and guilt trips, will drive me into toxic deep depression. He was always resentful, and jealous of me, because i am single, and he stayed in a bad marriage. Not very healthy! I always felt that if i was with a lovely lady, my dad and brothers would be very envious, severely jealous, so, i did not want to be better off, than my dad, so, i SABOTAGED my friendships with women!! Maybe after he dies, which could be a few years, I can finally feel free, to enjoy life more. Dysfunctional parent issues can sure mess up our lives, and relationships, help keep some of us single, or alone, and even damage good relationships, making it very hard to form healthy ones.

I'm 27, so I'm still kind of young, but I've never been on a date and I'm still a virgin. I have no problems with this. I've just never been interested in having a close companion, or soul mate, if you will. I can see how some people want that but I've never seen the appeal. For a long time, though, I was under the impression that I was "supposed" to find a mate. I hear from my Mom and some of my female friends that "the right girl will come along" all the time. But I've just never had the urge to share my life with another person. I'm perfectly content with hanging out with friends and family. That's all I really need.

[SIZE="3"][/SIZE] Trek, Yes! I have heard that saying, since i was a teen, and, now 56, still a virgin, too! "The right girl, will come around." A genetic girl nice school teacher single lady, i knew, died last week, of cancer, around 57. I guess the "right man never came along". I know of many people who died alone, and with no SO's. Maybe some had their "ship come in, but didn't meet it." Or, their "ship never came." Or, they, or me, never were meant to sail?