what does it mean

I am sure how to ask this question so here goes I love to dress every chance i get and I really feel like i want to be a woman all the way but I am not attracted to men at all but i am attracted to the male part and the other problem is i can dress all day and be happy with it love it but after I (you know ) then I feel so guilty and hate myself but with in an hour or so i want to dress again and want to have a man treat me like the woman i feel inside so what does this all mean am I just crazy or does anyone feel this way
Jennifer

I couldn't really give you any hopes to what that means , the only male I will ever be attracted to is myself that is one of the reason ... I have thought out long and hard as to," am I attracted to men"? Long ago and found that the true answer was," no I am not"..

But I also do not have the desire to dress all the time and when I do I barely feel like I am a women. The illusion is strickly that! Me expressing my FEMME emotions but not expression to be FEMME.

All I can say is ,you may fall deeper in the gender scale to where you favore the Female part of your brain more even though you where phyiscally born a male..

I hope you find your answers ..

The guilt and anxiety are definately commonplace, especially among those of us who strongly identify with our masculinity. People come to terms with it in different ways, and some never seem to come to terms with it.

I don't think that I can offer much insight here, other than to say that you're not alone in feeling like your masculinity is rejecting your femininity. Personally I've always felt that way.

Relax, you are not crazy! In fact, you are just beginning to see the light. Welcome to the club!

Look like there are some self-discoveries ahead of you. You need to find what rocks your boat, you know? Be honest with yourself, explore, and don't hesitate to seek professional help, if it gets too overwhelming. It generally takes a while until you figure it out and are able to accept yourself for who you are.

Good luck!

Jennifer you described exactly how I feel x

Hi Jennifer,

Hang in there... this a confusing thing we experience and it can lead in many directions. For many people it touches their sense of gender and sexuality so much they TS, but for others it's just a fun hobby. Some of us purge and leave the community... and some come back!

You will certainly not be alone in your experience so far... you are not crazy! (well as far as I can tell so far!)

Ok... let me tell you what i think. when i was reading your post for a few seconds i thought i was reading something i wrote awhile back. i mean i can TOTALLY relate to you 100 percent. its exactly what i am currently going through but then again i don't know what it means myself. well lets see... it probably means that our personality develops into that of a female as we age. but ye after the "you know" part i do feel like S@#t too. how old are you by the way?

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Originally Posted by jennifer3169

... then I feel so guilty and hate myself but with in an hour or so i want to dress again...

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sounds like something I could have written a few years ago

Like Gabi said, you are just beginning to see the light.

We (humans, not only CDs) are all part male, part female, your female part wants to get out; the fact that you were born male is not relevant.

Restraining your Girl Inside definitely blinds your capacity to manage and balance your life. Restrictions feed urges.

The only way out is to admit that you enjoy what you are doing, period. regardless of how it would look if everybody knew.

Later (months, years...) you will be able to truly manage the urges and ask yourself if you are going to really enjoy what you are about to do

That is were I am now, so I can't help you more than that.

Good luck and courage

The thing is being a woman has little to nothing to do with dressing like one. If you can wrap your head around that seeming paradox, then you have a head start with understanding the whole thing.:)

Up until a couple years ago, I also REALLY got down on myself for dressing rite after I, "u know". :o

Over time, I've become MORE accepting of my CDing. And, my lack of acceptance is no stronger or weaker before or after I "u know".:straightface:
It's kind of just always in the background!:sad:

The part I don't get is you're, " Not attracted to males except their part". :eek:
I'm not attracted to ANY part of a male! Including those same male parts on me!:doh:

"Not attracted to males except their part" Robby is right.
But to you mean you want to act the ROLE of a woman and be treated like a woman by a man--as if going on a date or out to dinner with a man? If so I have had fantasies like that, also. It takes time and self-examination--perhaps a little experimentation to understand your feelings fully. At times they may pull you in different directions.

You sound young. I truly cannot say much about how you feel now, but I can say that better times are coming. You will find your way through all this and you discover a wonderful and surprising total person.

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Originally Posted by jennifer3169

so what does this all mean am I just crazy or does anyone feel this way
Jennifer

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Yes, I am afraid it does mean you are crazy. that DSM IV has a whole chapter devoted to this.

I know it isn't want you wanted to hear but yep, you are nuttier than a squirrel turd. :doh:

Been there and felt that way. And I'm not crazy. Oh crap, I am crazy about crossdressing. Have fun with it,explore it. But be safe,be well, be happy.

Hi Jennifer,

Like you I am not attracted to males never have been, which seems not too unusual in itself, and I too have found that I am blissfully happy in femme mode, however the result of doing the action you describe prior to dressing or just after, causes a very similar reaction and I put it down to a Testosterone release during the said action, so I find even though I may be incredibly aroused prior to my day dressing, if I ingore the urge then, by the time I start dressing the member has given up and shrunk (I am fortunate in that flacid I am about a third of my fully aroused size so when I tuck away I do have to say I have a very presentable abdomen, infact, thigh leg lower half body its the top half that annoys me!

So your far from crazy and infact just another one of the girls.

Jennifer, pardon me for saying it, but you sound young, I know I don't know your age, but mine is 66, and when I was young I had the same feelings you are expressing. I would think of nothing but how to get the chance to wear any piece of female attire. But then no more than get dressed, and then you know what, and how fast can I get out of this STUFF, and into a shower to feel good about myself again. Now I can wear womens clothes day after day, but you know what, not so much. I have no guilt now and enjoy the time I get to spend dressed, and only then did I figure out, boys that would never put on a dress also, you know what (a lot) they use pictures, dirty thoughts and all kinds of tricks, we use a clothing choice that makes us feel good, Nylons, panties, bra, or slip, what ever floats your boat, or makes your boob bob. Why must that seem so wrong or different If it all leads to the same place.
Your fine, not everyone will think so, but then how can you be sure about them? Don't wait till your old to except yourself, don't waste the time energy or emotions.
Tina B.

I am 33 years old and maybe after hearing all the answers hear as far as the male part i am not gay but maybe i am looking to feel all woman you know do every thing a woman does i want all of the jennifer side of me to be experianced i clean house dressed i watch lifetime shows dressed i just want to expeirance the affection from man like a woman to be held and caressed and look at him looking at me and know he cant keep his eyes off me and desire me until he cant take it anymore but as far as the masculine hairy body and face i dont desire at all and i dont desire woman no less than i ever have I hope i am normal and not just a nut case thanks for all your info girls
Jennifer

I do the same once i get to that point i cant wait to get in the shower and get every thing off but usally by the time i get out i want to dress again but i dont because by then i am tired and its just too much work to dress again

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

Jennifer, pardon me for saying it, but you sound young, I know I don't know your age, but mine is 66, and when I was young I had the same feelings you are expressing. I would think of nothing but how to get the chance to wear any piece of female attire. But then no more than get dressed, and then you know what, and how fast can I get out of this STUFF, and into a shower to feel good about myself again. Now I can wear womens clothes day after day, but you know what, not so much. I have no guilt now and enjoy the time I get to spend dressed, and only then did I figure out, boys that would never put on a dress also, you know what (a lot) they use pictures, dirty thoughts and all kinds of tricks, we use a clothing choice that makes us feel good, Nylons, panties, bra, or slip, what ever floats your boat, or makes your boob bob. Why must that seem so wrong or different If it all leads to the same place.
Your fine, not everyone will think so, but then how can you be sure about them? Don't wait till your old to except yourself, don't waste the time energy or emotions.
Tina B.

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at some point in our journey through this funny little thing called life. The guilt and shame that you feel is a learned behavior that we are taught from the very beginning. It keeps a lot of analysts well-paid for a long, long time.
With that being said, it would be reasonable to assume that it can also be "un-learned" if it becomes a problem. A natural need to express one's sexuality is not a problem area, so long as it is kept in proper balance. Nah, you're not crazy, you're just looking for the best way to accept who and what you are, and move on to bigger and better things.

Or, I could be totally wrong, and we're all Bozos on this bus!:bs:

Hello Jennifer, One way I have learned to live with the woman with in me. Is let her be right all the time. (lol) Some how poeple like us ended up with two souls. As far as feeling bad after doing your thing. Well that is something you have to work on.
If you dress just for that. It will always feel bad. But if you get dress and do something like shopping or going out and just being a woman for the day. Jennifer's soul will grow and the battle in your head will die down a bit. Besides you keep it up and you'll go blind remember. Hugz Sarah

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Originally Posted by jennifer3169

I am 33 years old and maybe after hearing all the answers hear as far as the male part i am not gay but maybe i am looking to feel all woman you know do every thing a woman does i want all of the jennifer side of me to be experianced i clean house dressed i watch lifetime shows dressed i just want to expeirance the affection from man like a woman to be held and caressed and look at him looking at me and know he cant keep his eyes off me and desire me until he cant take it anymore but as far as the masculine hairy body and face i dont desire at all and i dont desire woman no less than i ever have I hope i am normal and not just a nut case thanks for all your info girls
Jennifer

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All that you describe I have seen many who think and feel the same way, myself included, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Do not let guilt and shamefulness into your thinking for more than a nano second. You are fine. It's how you get your stress release and pleasure and there is nothing wrong with that unless it is getting in the way of your making a living, or preventing you from socializing with others all the time. I have seen that almost everyone has some sort of behavior that others might consider out of the ordinary, and I have seen statistics that about 50% of the population suffers from some sort of pathology so in that light, who is to say what is truly normal? Just treat everyone in a loving way (even people who do you wrong...and loving in this situation would be forgiveness), and don't hurt anyone and it doesn't matter what you do. Remember, no guilt, no shame!

Love
Laura

Hi Jennifer

It seems what you (and I) feel is quite common. I too want to be in a woman's role if I was to be with a man and don't want gay sex. Through my life as a cder I felt varying degrees of attraction to men and wanted a man whist dressing. I would say it falls into a categry of wanting to be in a female role. If you're feeling feminine I think it's natural to want to play a female role in sex.

Try to (you know) before you dress- maybe even (you know) more than once to make sure it's out of your system. If you enjoy dressing without (you know) then you know it's the love of dressing driving you rather than a sexual urge. It is very hard to not feel guilty about dressing even without (you know) adding fuel to the fire so disposing of that before hand may help you mentally enjoy dressing more since (you know) is a precursor to it rather than the dénouement. Another idea is to "outdress" in women's jeans basically all the time when you can- I wear womens jeans basically exclusively and nobody has ever noticed.

I went through a lot of guilt and shame before coming to terms with it, though that was mostly thanks to my girlfriend's love and support. You aren't crazy, you aren't a freak, you just enjoy something that not many people do. But there's nothing wrong with it. Really, it's kind of wonderful since not many guys will ever know the thrills that we experiance

I'm 48 and when I was your age I felt EXACTLY like you do now. I'd get all dressed up, damn near spend the day doing so, then "you know what" and the guilt would set in.

Not long after that I gave up crossdressing completely for many years, a bit over a decade. Now I do it all the time and it's not the same at all as it was then.

I'm not sure why. Maybe it's age, maybe it's having a girlfriend that enjoys me both ways and actually encourages Helen to come out. But at any rate, I actually went out in public for the first time last fall and loved it. I don't get out as much as I'd like to, since I can't in the town that I live in and need to go up the road a bit, but I've had a lot of firsts over the last year to include getting my hair done at a salon and I started laser hair removal last week.

I don't have any profound words of wisdom, but I will say this, don't try to deny who you are. Do whatever feels most natural to you and enjoy it.

And by the way, if you ever plan on getting your hair removed by way of a laser get it done now before you get any gray. Once you've got gray or if you have light colored hair it just won't work.

How's that for a random post?!:D

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Originally Posted by highheelqueen

Besides you keep it up and you'll go blind remember. Hugz Sarah

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Not true at 66 my eyes are just fine, well it is getting hard to put on eye liner with out a magnifying glass, but I'm not blind yet!
Tina B.

I think that for one I am not alone and two it sounds like there is a light at the end of the tunnel so i will just let jennifer come out when i can and quit tring so hard to put her away ( its driving my crazy ) I love to dress more than the you know it just seems to happen at the end of the day but i will try some of the ideas i have heard and i hope someday i can get the chance to help one of you or someone else as you all have I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN you just dont know how much you have helped
LOVE YOU ALL
Jennifer

You defensively are not crazy, if you were then i think most of us would be crazy.

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Originally Posted by jennifer3169

what does it mean

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[SIZE="2"]It means nothing. I’m a male, and I’m not attracted to males (unless they’re crossdressers, darling), but it’s a complex issue. When I’m dressed, I strive to be attractive to myself and leave it at that, but males are never on my mind. That’s the point. It’s hard to explain – let’s just say I bring my inner self to the surface a little more and paint myself OUT of a corner. How can I hate myself when I look the way I wish to look? For me, there is no other reason to dress than to be happy. If you have the desire to dress, and you do, why not just do that and leave the thinking to others? :battingeyelashes:[/SIZE]

You are not crazy. You are going through some crazy times and with any luck that will pass. Sooner or later you will find out what all of this means to you. Hopefully it doesn't take too long

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Originally Posted by Nicole Erin

Yes, I am afraid it does mean you are crazy. that DSM IV has a whole chapter devoted to this.

I know it isn't want you wanted to hear but yep, you are nuttier than a squirrel turd. :doh:

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But it's a GOOD kind of crazy... :tongueout

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Originally Posted by Billie1

at some point in our journey through this funny little thing called life. The guilt and shame that you feel is a learned behavior that we are taught from the very beginning. It keeps a lot of analysts well-paid for a long, long time.
With that being said, it would be reasonable to assume that it can also be "un-learned" if it becomes a problem. A natural need to express one's sexuality is not a problem area, so long as it is kept in proper balance. Nah, you're not crazy, you're just looking for the best way to accept who and what you are, and move on to bigger and better things.

Or, I could be totally wrong, and we're all Bozos on this bus!:bs:

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The guilt is something we learn early in life. We're socialized into thinking this is something we SHOULD feel guilty about. It takes time, but it CAN be un-learned...

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Originally Posted by Nicola2876

Hi Jennifer

It seems what you (and I) feel is quite common. I too want to be in a woman's role if I was to be with a man and don't want gay sex. Through my life as a cder I felt varying degrees of attraction to men and wanted a man whist dressing. I would say it falls into a categry of wanting to be in a female role. If you're feeling feminine I think it's natural to want to play a female role in sex.

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"I dress as a woman, so I MUST be gay..." is something I think most of us have struggled with. But contrary to popular opinion it just aint so. Again, this is something drilled into us at such a young age it's hard to escape. Sure, some of us here are gay, but most are not. Some fall someplace in between. It's up to you to find out were you fall on the gay/straight continuum.

Just have fun and be guilt free (as far as the crossdressing goes anyway...)!
:hugs:

Don't think of yourself as "crazy", think of yourself as a
"sanity engineer". There, all better...:)

I dress and want to go the next step or a least fantasize about it.
I don't like lumpy, hairy and smelly male bodies.
But I think about being a total sexual woman.
I feel pulled in all directions also.

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Originally Posted by JenniferR771

"Not attracted to males except their part" Robby is right.
But to you mean you want to act the ROLE of a woman and be treated like a woman by a man--as if going on a date or out to dinner with a man? If so I have had fantasies like that, also. It takes time and self-examination--perhaps a little experimentation to understand your feelings fully. At times they may pull you in different directions.

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I feel the same way as well. I have never acted on those fantasies and I think that is best. I think I only enjoy it in fantasy, and that if I were to act on it I would not enjoy it. I thought I wanted to actually do it once and got very close when I realized that I didn't want to go through with it. It taught me alot about my sexuality.

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Originally Posted by prene

I dress and want to go the next step or a least fantasize about it.
I don't like lumpy, hairy and smelly male bodies.
But I think about being a total sexual woman.
I feel pulled in all directions also.

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This so close to how i feel about men I just could not express it so well
Jennifer

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jennifer3169

I am sure how to ask this question so here goes I love to dress every chance i get and I really feel like i want to be a woman all the way but I am not attracted to men at all but i am attracted to the male part and the other problem is i can dress all day and be happy with it love it but after I (you know ) then I feel so guilty and hate myself but with in an hour or so i want to dress again and want to have a man treat me like the woman i feel inside so what does this all mean am I just crazy or does anyone feel this way
Jennifer

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When I was quite a bit younger, I used to have fantasies about having a woman force me to dress as a girl and have sex as a girl either with a guy or with her using a strap on. I figured out that my feeling guilty about wanting to dress up and behave submissively to her was why I was feeling that way; having her 'force' me to be submissive and punish me for wanting to be that way by making me endure the discomfort that a girl would if sex were forced on her. I haven't had those fantasies anymore. But I still feel like I want to behave stereotypically female, re-active rather than active when having sex.