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What is it about fulfilling the role of a man that you don't like so that you have the need to emulate a woman by dressing, looking and acting like one? Is it really that important and would the "world come to an end" if you gave it up? Inquiring minds, especially some SO's and others would like to know.:)
I've never felt manly. And yes I am a much better person now than I've ever been. My personality matches my true feelings now. And my looks. And yes if I had to go backwards it would be devastating for me at least! Everyone is different and should be. That's ok. I'm living my life to the fullest. My wife I have now loves me for me. She loves Carrie Ann. She would hated Carey. Like she told me she wouldn't married me if I still acted like I did in my first marriage. So no going backwards for me ever!
Now, I'm never going to try it in femme mode either but I can't stand the fact that I'm expected to always be the aggressive one in my efforts to find love. I was hanging out with my longest lasting girlfriend for months before she finally threw herself at me in hopes of a response. I'm either oblivious or terrified, every girl I was ever with made the first move. I wasn't with many.
One time I was on a date when the girl just stopped everything and asked me if I was gay. :facepalm:
There is nothing about fulfilling my male role that I don't like. The only thing I don't like is that we are so limited in our manner of dress and actions. We are raised to be competitive in everything we do. We are told that boys don't cry, don't be a sissy and be tough and strong. Well all that's fine, but we are not taught to be sensitive, caring, loving nurturing and all the good traits of women. I admire, adore and respect women as much as I have lusted for them, loved them and cared about them. So much so that for me to emulate them seems like a natural thing to do for me. I like being male with some if those same traits so much so, I like to dress and act like a woman as much as I love being with a woman.
Well the world certainly wouldn't end, but I might! I am the sum total of my femininity and my masculinity. There for I would be someone else, not me.
Having said that here are two things that get confusing.
I hate it when I'm being a guy and have helped a friend with something.. as a reward and then they offer me a beer.
On the other hand, I really hate it when I'm out being a girl, my friends never offer me a beer.
:drink: :heehee:
Plain and simple, my guy life is a rat race. I work from 7:30am till 9:00 or 10:00pm, just trying to support my family and I am falling behind at that.
When I get time to be Raychel, it is like a short time when I can just be a spectator instead of one of the rats.
When I was a small child (around age 5) in the Appalachian coalfields of West Virginia, I remember sitting on the floor watching most of the males in my life sitting at a table drinking, smoking and doing and saying other "manly" stuff of the day. I said in my mind, right then and there, that I was not going to grow up and be like them.
Not that they were bad people, but that, that was not the life I wanted. I specifically chose to take the strong women of my life as my role models, rather than the males. That was just my choice.
It had nothing to do with crossdressing at the time, as I had not started yet, but it did set the precident for it. By the time I was 7 or 8 I had, by curiosity, started putting on my mothers dresses and of course I was hooked. The crossdressing was just another additional facit of my desire to be like the females in my life.
Of course it's "that" important for me to identify with those I want to identify with. If I couldn't emulate women, I would be a shell of a person, with out history or past. That's just who I am. It may not have always been that obvious to others, but it was always there, nonetheless.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
If I couldn't be as open with it as I am, it wouldn't go away, it would just go back into the closet and I just am not going to live my life that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
It's not about rejecting anything, it's about discovering that you can do something else - too - and liking it well enough to repeat the behavior.
If there's any "need" to that, it's the need to live your own life and to do the things you want to do.
For example, I like snow skiing, but I live near the beach. Where I live has nothing to do with my liking snow skiing - too, but I do.
Some part of MY world would come to an end if I couldn't do what I want. I could live without some things, but I'd know something was lacking...
Some inquiring minds and some SOs have a "knee jerk" reaction to CDing that clearly presupposes a narrow and rigidly defined view of human life.
Less fun to be them...
I wouldn't mind being a man half as much if I just didn't have to hear them talk. You could distill most male conversations down to three subjects
1-Something negative about their spouse (or ex)
2-Sports
3-Sex
Almost any other subject strains their ability to comprehend
Danielle:brolleyes:
To me, that question feels like, "What is it about vanilla ice cream that you don't like so that you have the need to eat chocolate?"Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
Nothing. Nothing at all. I like vanilla ice cream. It's just that sometimes, I'd rather eat chocolate instead, thank you very much.
(That makes my answer seem a bit flip, but honestly, it really disturbs and annoys me when a false dilemma is presented. The argument, "You only want to dress as a woman because you hate masculinity, or at least an aspect thereof" is a damaging argument, and simply not true. At all.)
Would the world end? No, it would just suck more. Just like if they took chocolate ice cream away.
as a women I get to look beautiful, and wear all those prety things, and the silks and the heals are to kill for.
Very well said Danielle. But let me add that men tend to talk negatively about women in general. As if they are second class citizens only good for sex and cleaning the house. That bothers me a lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle Gee
Even if it were possible to deconstruct the socio-cultural expectations and behaviorial patterns of the western world--the world into which I was born--I think that I would still want to be a woman. However, that construction is solid and its manifestations are persistent, and in my lifetime it will not be undone. Therefore, I am even more inclined to move into the female world.
I have managed to live a very fulfilling life as a man, and I have not begrudged or been saddened or desperate about that. Nor have I accepted and adopted most of the behaviors that I find despicable. There are many behaviors and attitudes about male life that I do not like nor have I aspired or succumbed to them. Generally, I find that men are far too willing to be sloppy, slovenly, and lazy--in the name of manliness or machismo. OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS--MANY MEN WHO ARE NOT SLOPPY, SLOVENLY, OR LAZY.
Look at restrooms. Look at men's behavior at sporting events. Play cards with men or participate in any "stag" event. Listen to the talk: demeaning of women, demeaning of other men, glorying in one-upsmanship, etc.
That's some of what I don't like and never have liked and have disassociated myself from.
I don`t think that there is anything in particular that i could say i don`t like is is just that i am not particularly that good at being one, i enjoy acting and dressing as i do because that is how i feel and can not really say that i am trying to emanate anyone , and if i had to give it all up , yes it would be the end of part of my world but life would go on just bit a bit more sadder .
The obvious ones are not being able to wear pretty skirts, tops, dresses, shoes, jewelry, polished nails and makeup whenever I want to and to wherever I want to.
I dislike the assumption that because I am a male that I will do repairs, take care of "fixing" things, make sure the cars are maintained, like to "sit around drinking beer, bragging about conquests, shooting the 's..t", etc.
A great many males are just not very interesting and are very limited in their interests and are, to be frank, "boorish". Of course, the same could be said for many women. I much prefer "genteel" people.
For me, it's not really a matter of not wanting to play the role of a man. I am comfortable in that position, and on another thread, someone asked if you could magically be transformed would you, and I said no. I'm happy with my life now, marriage, wife, enjoy most of the "manly" functions.
So, for me, the attracting is not to emulate or become a women, its more of an attraction to the clothing, the feel of the undergarments, and the pleasure of wearing them, when I can. I don't go out in Femm, will wear womans undergarments under my daily mans work attire, but thats about it.
Would the world come to an end? No.
Would I be disappointed, and a piece of me missing if I could no longer wear articles of womens clothing? Yes.
:2c:
I've tried for years to change peoples expectations of me and what I can do, but they still end up expecting me to fix things, be the stern, hard-nosed decision-maker. In some families the woman is the one that gets that laid on her, so would that change? Probably not. My wife, her sister and her sister's daughter are bigger sports fans than I am, but they all love children and babies much more than me as well.
Would I not have to scratch where it itches, or not pass gas if that's what my body needed to do? If I was proud of something I'd accomplished wouldn't I still want some recognition? Okay, I'd probably go about these things in a different manner, but that's it. I don't think my world would change significantly, only transform a little, bending here and there to better fit the new circumstances and expectations of how things would get done.
Having tried for best part of half a century to fulfil the role of a man, I came to the conclusion that I was an abject failure at that. I'm not much good at talking about sport, no good at all at talking about sex or at denigrating women. I feel more at home relating to women - but even in that I was looked on as a kind of "big sister" whilst I was trying to pretend to be a man :eek: When a bloke talks about a great evening down the pub getting drunk, I just don't understand the attraction.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
I am not trying to emulate a woman, I am trying to become the woman that I have always known myself to be.
When I was trying to pretend that my body wasn't some cruel joke of nature, I would get compliments from GG's along the lines of "You're just like the big sister I always wanted to have" or "You'll make someone a wonderful wife one of these days" or "It's easier to talk to you than to a man" or even "Why are you wearing a suit? You'd be much more comfortable in a dress".
In my case, if I hadn't decided to accept who I really am and do something about it, the world would literally have come to an end for me. I got to the stage where it was only my compassion for those who would have to deal with the aftermath that prevented me from ending my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
I look at this form a view that I'm a man but doesn't mean I have to do everything mascueline I just do whatever makes me happy so if it's watching football and drinking beer with my buddies one day, and dressing up fully Enfemme the next, I don't crossdress to hide away my male side for a few short hours, I can't lie though dressing enfemme does have it's own perks but If I had to give up crossdressing, life wouldn't end for me You gotta do makes you happy but everybody is different in there own way, but personaly I never started crossdressing so I can suppress my Mascueline side and open up to my feminine side I dress up because it's who I am and it's What I do.
There's nothing about my male body or life that I don't particularly like, but I am without a doubt a much happier and contented person when in femme mode, more tolerant and patient, and generally more at peace with myself.
Would the world end , no but I don't know if I would survive for long without my dual personna.
Amen, Brandy!Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
Wow! You mean I should expect cleaning the house AND sex??Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
I don't see why bashing men is necessary to express a preference for women's clothing, topics about fashion and cooking, relaxing, bob sledding, going hunting, rock climbing, etc.
As noted earlier, the preference for chocolate or vanilla over strawberry ice cream is a personal choice - and it can be a very close call. Either way, you can probably live with any of those choices if you have to... But, if you have a choice, then do what you please. Make the world a better place by being happy.
There are women, as I read these posts and am reminded of them, who would prefer to be a man, or, to at least have the "man's" role in a lot of things. They can't see the difference it makes a lot of times who is male or female, but who has the better mind or aptitude for what needs to be done.
You want to wear a dress at home, around the neighborhood, or, on the plane, that's up to you. Your path will probably be easier, however, if you accent the positives of your choices - and encourage everyone's right to chose - than if you spend your time attacking "their" choices.
Live and let live... Pass it on.
PS
Many women speak negatively of men, AND, of other women. They too curse, lie, cheat, trash bathrooms, etc.
Poor behavior is not a gender thing, nor is regarding such things as poor behavior a gender thing.
There are good people and bad people of all faiths, colors, and genders.
Chose the good, whenever you can.
Thank YOU.
One of the things I don't like much about "fulfilling the role of a man" as you put it, is the expectation to be the provider. I've always seen that as a pressure I'd rather not have. However it isn't (to almost quote your post) "something that I don't like so that I have the need to emulate a woman". My emulating a woman is about my need to feel feminine, not so much about wanting to try to look and act like a woman because of disliking something about being a man. However coincidentally, when I do that (emulate a woman) I do feel feminine and it thus makes me happy, relaxed, and fulfilled :) If I were to attempt to stop (which I won't) I absolutely know that suppressing my dressing causes me unhappiness, stress, anxiety, and irritability. I know this because that's how I felt when I tried before (about 8 years ago).Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
As others have said I hate that as men we're expected to be the strong ones... I recently had someone check my car because the power steering belt came off (not that much of a manly guy I'm not into cars) and he said he was going to put "un-driveable" on the listing because it wasn't going to be able to be properly driven by a woman until we got a new power steering pump fitted! He said I'd still be able to drive it, but don't let my wife try it.
As Chloe i get to be comfortable within myself. It's not really that I'm trying to dodge my male responsibilities or my responsibilities as a husband, it's that 1) It's harder to just give up than some people seem to think it is. 2) Why should we have to give up something that makes up part of who we are? That's why purging doesn't work... you try to get rid of temptation but that part of you will always remain no matter how hard you try.:2c:
When really young, they called me "gopher" because of my buck teeth. Even at that time I really envied the girls and their dresses.
As I got older I stuttered really badly because as a young child I was constantly belittled by my folks. I felt like a real nothing at the time. All of this made me feel worthless and only increased my desire to be someone else, a girl.
As I became an adult my self image improved, but that did not my desire to
be a girl and wear feminine clothes. Partly a fetish, partly from my upbringing.
At the present I kind of like my male self, but I still love to spend lots of time as a girl. This has caused me to become somewhat isolated but I am really making an effort to be much less secretive.
If I can muster up the courage to be much more open, I can see my self becoming successful in both my male and female modes.
Hugs, Christine
What's so terrible about getting drunk and obsessing over a game I don't actually play? That's my absolute favorite thing about being a man. I do agree with some of you about the denigration of women though, I have to bite my tongue a lot.
A lot of interesting personal perceptions on things. What it basically boils down to I guess is being comfortable in our own skin.:)
What I do not like about my male side, is the anger and the aggressiveness to deal with the macho men out there. When I am in my feminine mode, it all fades into the back ground and life is good. I am now embracing my feminine feelings and I am learning how to integrate the feminine side into my daily life.:)
You are on the right track Rebecca. Integrating the feelings into our overall self is the way to go. Then we become unshakable in our resolve of becoming our own person. Eventually it doesn't matter how we present ourselves as we are always the same person regardless.:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca W.
After this one, I'm at a loss for words.Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
If we're talking small thing and not about societies general preconceptions of gender, then it has to be courtesy. Men are courteous to women, women are, on the whole, courteous to both men and women, so why do men just have to be deliberately rude at times to one another, just to show they are men?
I don't have a problem with being a man
I just think being a girl every once and a while "or more often"
Is fun it's a good release from the bore of the day to day :)
My need is to be me...not to "emulate a woman".
As far as masculine things...there is nothing that I dislike that drives me to this, it is simply part of me.
I was born a man, therefore I am one! But I am also a crossdresser! There is absolutely nothing about being a man that I dislike! However, there is a number of things about being a woman that I would not like to put up with!! That is why I have no desire whatever to transition to womanhood!!
I love to wear feminine clothes because I like the fit, feel, and look of them. That is the reason I crossdress, and always has been. My late wife knew about the desire before we married, and fully accepted and supported me. My family knows now, and doesn't care as long as I don't dress enfemme in front of them. I do, but they don't know it, because the clothes are almost unisex!
There probably are not a lot of CD's like me, but I don't care. I am a person and that is what counts to me!! I am happy as I am! And Yes, I would give up crossdressing completely if those I love asked me to!!
I love being, and showing, who and what I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Its almost more important than anything else in my life .....
.......... Except my family
Denise, you have to remember that a lot of crossdressers started at a very young age, an age at which they weren't thinking about the "role of the man", they just had the need to crossdress, there were no thoughts or feelings behind it. Even science can't explain why a 4 year old suddenly likes to wear girls clothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
Maybe I'm just from New Jersey but I think it's fun. You should try it. When both parties know from the start that it's all in good fun, it's no big deal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane G
I'm also still waiting for one of the people that despise sports to respond to my original post. The concept as we know it today dates back at least to ancient Rome.
Like Rachel mentioned the need to provide is very heavy on males and if I could have a woman who would have allowed a role reversal it would have been heaven. That being said I dislike the sturdy nature and structure of male clothing. To wear soft fabrics which flow and moves with your body feels so good. i like the fit of women's cloths the way pants can hung your bottom and thighs and stop at the floor or above the knee and evry place in between. why do guys have to wear saggy crotch to the knee shorts is beyond me.
Women get to wear the best of mens wear with out any comments but let one of use wear a nice soft skirt on a hot day and the world goes crazy.
OK one more rank: Guys swim shorts hit about an inch above the knee and when you get out of the water you get to feel all of the wetness running down your legs. Try to blot the water and you still get water dripping down your legs. Wear a bikini and get out of the water and blot the water and no more drips down the legs. Now I know i have issue with textures and such but come on whya can't we just wear what we want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agnieszka Svetlanova
Since you asked about this later in the thread... "What's so terrible about getting drunk and obsessing over a game I don't actually play?"
What's so terrible is the passive-aggressive, "Let's you and him fight!" nature of many fans... "Fans," actually being shorthand for "fanatics."
Talentless, gutless, and CLUELESS people spending time and money cheering/jeering over an activity they themselves don't engage in... And, if they did, they'd be more respectful, more humble, and more sensitive to other human beings.
It does take dedicated effort, intelligence, teamwork, desire, etc. to excel at anything. Meanwhile, getting knocked around, losing a scholarship, etc. can be painful and discouraging as you make your way. If you're really, really good at something - a sport, an instrument, an activity - you are doing more than one thing right. If you're lucky and good, this can positively improve all of your life. But, you learn by doing...
As to those who cheer and/or jeer, but don't do... They have a "need" to make someone else in their lives, "the enemy." Better, they think, to attack someone else than attack their own problems and take responsibility for winning and losing there.
There is a very high correlation between many "fans" and many "homophobes." Both "need" an external target because, frankly, dealing with themselves is less easy, less pleasant, and, probably more pointless than redirecting their's - and others - time and attention away from themselves and onto someone else.
There's an old saying, most often ignored, "For every finger you point at me, you have four pointing back at yourself."
That's true.
It's also true that very few people want to hear it.
Far easier to, "Pick a team to shout for - and be somebody!"
Most people are weird in some way or another.
You get used to it and go on about your business.
"Yeah... Yay, uh, team... See ya Monday."
What she said :doh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Agnieszka Svetlanova
Not being a man doesn't help much.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
T'other way around - had to emulate being a man. A need driven by not wanting to be excommunicated, hated or rejected.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
It most certainly is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes
Its not that i dont like being a guy, i just dont like the guy that i am. For me being in boy mode just reminds me of how i was raised and the more intolerant side of my life