Yes im still a chicken to even go out and buy something to wear. How do I over come this?
Printable View
Yes im still a chicken to even go out and buy something to wear. How do I over come this?
maybe you have to ease yourself in to it a bit more. You could start of by buying smaller items first, such as jewelry or makeup. Get comfortable with going trough female clothes in a shop.
You could also try and go shopping on a busy day in a big shop. Yes there will be more people, but that also means more people to blend in to, and people at the register who are less likely to really think while scanning the clothes.
buying is easy. know your size - you can compare your measurements using sizing charts available on line. Then go to the store of your choice, shop around - whatever you may be looking for, pick some items that you think will fit, and bring them to a cashier. I'd do some homework before hand.
Going out - well, that would be tougher. So far, I haven't gone out en femme. So, I am a terrible one to give advice. But, I'd suggest going to a CD/TV support group for starters. That's where I'd start....or a midnight screening of the Rocky Horror Show...at least you can wear the corset, stockings, make up and Wig and fit right it!!!! (something we've talked about doing ;)
As transgendered people many of us lead lives of guilt, fear and shame. For years I was afraid to leave my home or hotel room out of fear. Until recently, I made the realization that there was nothing to be afraid of. Being transgendered or cross-dressing is not wrong. We are different, but the world can and does accept us. I use to scurry from hotel to car and walk around parking lots at night. Half hidden, half in sight. Now I walk right thru the lobby, take an elevator, and nobody cares. Sure I am read sometimes. This was the big obstacle I had to get over. When you’re read, nothing bad happens. People just go on with there business. Waitresses clerks, sales associates have never reacted badly they are a polite and accommodating.
I also use to fear shopping endrab. If you dress nicely, don’t act creepy or guilty, most sales people are really happy to help. I always smile and thank them. It’s more than most customers do. I tell them right off I need a pair of black slacks for myself, or I need a dress for an event I am attending. The first time I did this I was shaking, but after a couple of times I began to realize that no one else had a problem with this. The problem was in my head.
You may not want to be outed, to your family and friends but admitting you are a cross dresser to a sales associate in a store away from your home area is safe, liberating and a non issue.
So go ahead you have nothing to loose here, try getting out in small steps. Go to the cosmetics counter in the mall. Nordstrom’s is famous in the TG community for being super helpful; they will always make you feel good about your self. Other stores that have been helpful to me are Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Lord and Taylor, and Payless Shoes.
My message here is this, you can admit being transgendered to a sales associate and you will feel better for it. You can also go out in public dress as a woman and not get negative reactions. You may have heard this before, but if you are like me you never really believed it. Go ahead, don’t be afraid, take those steps, and start to live.
As the old saying goes, put one foot in front of the other. I've found no one really cares, and what do I care what they think? I was browsing in Penny's today and didn't get a second look.
For my first shopping trip I arranged to meet someone from Tri-Ess at Dress Barn. I was introduced to the manager and she took one look at me figured out my sizes and started pulling clothes for me to try on. I had a great time.
I was out enfemme the other day for one of the longest times ever in broad daylight, around 7 hours. Despite having been out a few times before it was the first time in a couple of years since i was last out in public. No-one gave me a second glance. The GG I was with was checking everyone out for reactions of any sort and spotted nothing. unless you have something to lose I'd say just go for it and don't be fooled into thinking people are watching you. they will only do that if you give them a reason to. Calm your nerves and just do it. I've never had issues buying clothes in drab mode, nor buying makeup for that matter.
ps. My car broke down in spectacular fashion at the end of that day (think smoke and flames), on a pedestrian crossing and right outside a mini supermarket - all with me enfemme and 3-4 miles from home. The only person who made me was the really nice guy who help me push it off the road once the smoke had cleared, and he never said anything negative, just helped and went on his way.
This is what I did. I had an appointment with my therapist that day. Got up for just enough time to get myself ready & than leave. I was so scared but did not have time to change so out the door I went. After that it became easier. I do feel for you sweetie cause as you can see that first time is hell. Guess what I am saying is if you have to be someplace, get dresses & go.
Hope this helps.
Mega Hugs to you;
Janelle
Hey alley cat, I good way to buy something is to simply say its for you're girlfriend. I used to buy my ex girlfriend clothes so when it comes to buying for my myself now I stick with the same story.
Start with a dress, then some lingerie and before ya know it you will wonder why you could'nt just do it on a whim before,lol
Good luck, all the best.
I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't that long ago that I felt the same.
I still have times I am uncomfortable buying girl stuff for myself; other times I have no problem at all. I've tried on girl jeans and shirts (and once, just once, a skirt) at Target ~ box stores usually have men's and women's fitting rooms together with one person who's too busy to do anything but count how many items you have.
There's a store nearby called "Mae's Dress Boutique" ~ I haven't been in there. It just doesn't feel right. But I'll spend an hour or two browsing dresses and skirts (and buying) at Syms or Burlington Coat Factory. I don't think it's the name ~ Dress Barn doesn't scare me.
I feel uncomfortable in VS. I feel fine in the Macy's lingerie section.
Try a Gap Store. There are usually men's clothes on one side and women's on the other. You can stick to one side until you're calm and switch. Shop at a department store: I rarely have anyone ask me anything there. If you feel up to talking to a sales person, go to a non-threatening store. Avoid Hot Topic. Go to a store that caters to more adult women, not teens. Just look around. If anyone asks, say "I don't think this is really her style, thank you" and leave.
On one of my early shopping trips I went to a store that sold a mix of new and vintage clothing. I picked out a two or three each of skirts and tops and went up to the cashier (who, it turns out, was the owner). I asked about returns if they don't fit; she said there are no returns. I paused to think about that and she looked right into me and said "what size does she usually wear?" I made a quick decision and said "I usually wear a 12". She pulled out a tape and measure my waist and chest and offered her opinion on what might fit and what I should put back.
Go for it. Buy a skirt or a dress. Avoid lingerie and shoes at first. Buy pantyhose at the supermarket. Pretend you're looking at a list and buying something, if that'll make it easier.
Tell us all how it goes. Drop me a note if you want some encouragement ~ we girls have to stick together!
You can't be a chicken when you are an AlleyCat!! You would be chewing on yourself!!
To get more serious, you have already received a lot of good advice. I have been a CD for 70+ years, and have shopped in all kinds of stores over the years. When I was quite young it was hard to buy feamle things, but the older I got the easier it became.
If you shop in drab, you don't have to tell the SA's you are buying for yourself. In my case, the SA's in most of the stores know that I am a CD and are very helpful. Sometimes I shop in drab and sometimes dressed enfemme, but always without a wig or makeup. I quit using them when my wife passed away 5 years ago. And yes I do try on feminine clothes in the stores. Not alwaya, but sometimes I feel the need to!
You just need to get your courage up, and go shopping!! You will enjoy it!!
Everything the ladies have suggested is good advice and remember, it is what is inside your head that shows on your face. Believe in yourself and your right to be and you'll be fine.
Most of the store clerks I've encountered have assumed that I'm buying for a s.o. All I have to do is know my sizes and be sure that there is a flexible returns policy. I don't shop en femme because I'm not at that stage but I have shopped with my wife often enough that I'm completely comfortable in that section.
But your state of mind is the key to it all.
[SIZE="2"]Cool guys have no fear about buying lingerie, shoes, even makeup and dresses for the women in their lives. They buy stuff for us. You wouldn't think twice about buying some jewelry for your SO. The key is the confidence you exude when you are buying female stuff. I don't even notice any more. Bought some cosmetics and nails today and forgot all about it by the time I got to the checkout counter with my other stuff.
The only other solution is buying on the internet. JCPenney is good because you can take anything that doesn't fit back to your local store. Other places, you may have to return stuff by mail. It takes a while to build a wardrobe that fits you, compliments your attributes, and blends in well.[/SIZE]
Depends on which is stronger, your unfounded fear or your desire to satisfy a need you have burning inside you.
[SIZE="3"]Alley cat, I used to be terrified, too, and sometimes, still chicken out. I have to get a feel of the store, the employees, first. Thrift stores are my favorite places to shop, or ebay, or other store websites. [/SIZE]
try shopping online first! thats what i did!
Your not a chicken - your an Alley Cat. Alley Cats will go and do anything. Now live up to your name and walk out the door.
The secret to going out for the first time is to go somewhere where no one will know you. Sometimes it is a long drive. Then just simply get out of the car and walk in. No one will shoot you or arrest you for looking ridiculous. Just trying to lighten the mood here. It is the same thing as if you walked into a store with really short shorts and a too small tank top on. It's not illegal but some may look at your strange. If that is the worst thing that could happen then what are you waiting for?
If you go in guy mode just say you are looking for something for your wife, ask the SA to help you. It helps to know your size before you go in. I also find shopping the easiest when I am in girl mode, even if they they read you it doesn't matter coz SAs are really professional and transgender girls can shop for girl clothes without drawing any attention lol :eek:
Starting in thrift stores first till you figure out your sizing...Most stuff in the thrift stores are priced between $3-8 dollars so if you are not going to try it on in a dressing room, then throwing it away doesn't hurt as much...Stretch knit fabrics are a good start till you figure things out.
I can now pretty much just look at something and know it will fit...
Nerves affect most of us when we start to buy our own clothing. One strategy you might want to try is to pick a store far enough from home that you will not run into any one who knows you. Then you buy what you like far your " girl ". The sales personal will not care. There is probably not a day that some nervous usually clueless male doesn't come in and ask their advice on something. However, it is a good idea to know " her " sizes. Even the best sales person will not be of much use if they have to guess the right sizes. Happy shopping.
Like Nike says, "Just Do It"
I started out buying on-line and still do because most of the charity shops near me don't have my size very often in a style that I like.
The first time I needed to ask for help with sizing for something in a store, I just told them "She's about the same size as me".
I haven't used that excuse this year as far as I can recall - anyway, now that I am 24/7 I don't think it would wash :heehee:
Like everyone else here, I was scared silly to shop in womens' stores or departments. I finally thought "Well, how else am I going to get something that I like?" I remember mumbling something to the SA about buying my first bra -- said it was for my wife. That was YEARS ago, and when I thought about it, it sounded silly. Now, unless I'm buying something for her, I make it clear that the clothes are for me. But I'd MUCH rather shop en femme -- all the parts are in place, and I can really see how things look on me.
That first step really is the hardest!
I also say it is a gift as I do not enough confidence.
Go to a Goodwill and check out the clothes,pick out a few things and try them on ,One step at a time....
Well, I for one take a very simple approach to this and break it down into easy steps. First, make yourself pretty and put on a nice looking outfit, make sure you are wearing a nice pair of heels, this is very important. Second, grab your pocketbook and make sure that everything you need is in it. Third, open the front door. Forth, place you right heel in front of your left heel. Fifth, now move your left heel in front of your right heel. Sixth, repeat steps four and five over and over again.
Guess what, you are walking outside and loving and enjoy it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paula_56
Paula says nearly everything here.
Do try some intense Internet shopping, even if you have to get a post office service to collect and hold your packages.
At some point, you'll get far enough along you'll just start going out. Seriously, you'll get to the "Why the hell not?" point and you'll just go.
Makeup help can be had lots of places, including private tutoring. The people who do that service love a challenge - and making money.
Confidence is really about preparation, not just taking a leap into the unknown.
It's said, "Failing to plan is planning to fail."
So, make some plans; take the steps you feel you need to take - small steps are super; and see if you confidence doesn't improve.
"To succeed at anything, you usually have to DO SOMETHING."
Im still going out just in guy mode, so I have gotten creative. Thrift stores are good, but I like Wal Mart, as it is open all night. I go where I know I wont run into anyone I know. I may get stares, but I feel fairly safe.
I started out buying stuff on line. Once I learned my size's it got easier and more comfortable. Keep this in mind, shopkeepers have learned that if you make a CD comfortable you will have a loyal customer who will spend ALL crossdressing dollars at their store. They want you to come and shop. Who are you to deny them the joy of you? grin. Carol
If it's any help, I'm in the same boat as you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by alleycat2009
Alleycat,
It's going to be OK--& I hope you'll relent jn your characterization of the great state of MIchigan.
Lily
I would agree that going to a store a little ways from where you live is a good idea. Also, I like to go early in the day during weekdays if possible. I find there are fewer people around to make you feel nervous at that time. If there is a SA there you can start with casual conversation (since there will be not many customers you can chat about weather, current events, whether they have any sales on, whatever) and after you feel a bit more comfortable you can ask advice about stuff that may look good on you. It will be embarrassing but I recommend asking to try stuff on as well (I always ask if it is ok with them because "I don't want to make you uncomfortable"). This will give them (and you) the opportunity to bring you more items that may work well with what you are looking at. ALWAYS be polite, friendly and courteous since many customers can be very dismissive and rude. The more polite and friendly you are the more likely they will be to want to help you and see you as a decent person rather than a weirdo. I have done a lot of customer service jobs and I would rather have someone who asks for something out of the norm or looks strange but is super nice to deal with than someone who is a jerk that wants the most common or easiest thing in the world. You will feel nervous and silly and embarrassed but that is how many people feel when learning any new skill. The more you do it and build relationships with the SA's the easier it will become. Just my thoughts.
I am still in your stage. Buying for your wife or sister works. I do order online and have made some size mistakes, especially being girly I always thought I was a smaller size then I really am.
Hi A C
Go to www.jcpenney/sizecharts.com to try to figure out what size you are.
Then you will have some idea what size to look for if you get
something that don't fit return it no problem.
Try JCPenneys K-Mart & Walmart* when shopping don't keep looking
around that's what draws attention to you just keep looking at the racks
for your size faishons.
Orchid
Kiss me if I am wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the initial reasons behind starting the Internet was to enable cross-dressers to purchase clothing online instead of having to go out in public. :heehee:
ok...I could be wrong on that one
...but ya gotta' admit...it sounded pretty convincing, eh?:):thumbsup:
Another option is to order and pay online, then go to the store and pick up your order (which is already boxed up). Same applies to just ordering it and paying when you pick up the order. At the end of the day, all that matters to the store staff is ...money.
Remember, there is no such thing as CD "police"...(yet). :heehee:
I started at a thrift store. Shaking. Found a GORGEOUS red and black satin empire waist top and knew it was for me. Then I went shaking and shivering into the dressing room and tried it on. No one else flinched.
I know it's easy to say, but having been there, it's mostly in your head. At least inside the store. Start online maybe, I had success going to the thrift stores. After about 3 or 4 times I was relaxed enough to enjoy myself.
You won't spontaneously combust. Promise. :)
Unless you buy a velour tracksuit...
[QUOTE=eluuzion;2215555]Kiss me if I am wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the initial reasons behind starting the Internet was to enable cross-dressers to purchase clothing online instead of having to go out in public. :heehee:
QUOTE]
Actually, it was to facilitate getting porn. That's the same reason they invented VCRs. We just got an unintended benefit.
join the crowd sweetie, im the same!!
My face feels like it is burning when I am shopping - I must blush like beetroot :o, so even when I am in drab it is probably obvious that I am buying for myself - but no-one has ever commented and I have never felt like I needed to justify myself. The more I think about it the worse it gets - just try to relax, being nervous will only make it seem worse. My finger nails are probably too long for a guy, and filed into shape too, so even if I did try to make up an excuse an SA's suspicions would most likely be confirmed when I paid.
Dunno if anyone else does this, I hope it doesn't make you feel paranoid and hold you back, but whilst I am browsing I try to spot other CD-ers.
Whenever I go to a store with intentions to buy something I will find the section I'm after and scope it out, see if any other women are there.. Now mind you when I go out to buy clothes I am in full male wear because I'm still deep in the closet, but I go to a store like Target or K-mart or what ever and maybe set my intentions for the security camera to look at two other sections not related at all to the intended.. If I know what I am after then it is easier to shop.. Panties, pantyhose/tights .... Whatever.. But sometimes I'll be after one thing and something else will distract me.. Sometimes it's the close out rack, and that can really change what I was going to get because instead of getting one skirt and top I might get two or more in the close out rack.. To me the best way to get over the fear of shopping in a store is to just do it.. And not worry because the check out people see hundreds of people a day.. They might think you are a cross dresser and why not think that but what does it matter?? They don't know you, unless of course they do, and they figure this size skirt will be returned by your wife/SO or there abouts..
Don't be. Be brave. Like Bianca said above go to Thrift store and if it fits great how many times I'd get a 14 and dam if it was to small so I spent 3-4 bucks. Drop it off in their return bin next week. But Kohl's is very reasonable for sales on Bras. Online is cool if your alone. Or if other people know about you ask them to help you. It's not a big deal. The sales people are out to makes sales not to question you. Good luck.
The two most terrifying times for a crossdresser are buying the first item of clothing and then actually wearing it in public.