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Hi all. I wondered why or what the reason you have purged in the past. I can't imagine throwing away all my precious clothes even though at this moment I am only able to underdress. I might put all my clothes away for a while until the wife becomes more understanding but not getting rid of anything. Would love to hear your reasons.
Lisaxxx
Never purged once really, I'm a damned old Yankee and we never throw anything away.. Might need it someday!
[SIZE="3"]The reasons for purging.............
Shame..... a condition society throws at us for not conforming.
Fear......... of being caught and then being shamed.
Guilt......... for hiding from others, and maybe our selfs, the truth of who we are.[/SIZE]
Hi Miss Lisa,
Well in the long past I had considered getting rid of all my stuff, but I could never bring myself to do so as it would be like throwing away a part of myself and denying who I am. You can throw away all your stuff and maybe try and deny who you are...but can you run away and hide from what is in your head and very much in your heart.
I was born a crossdresser, I will always be a crossdresser, And I Love been a crossdresser....its who I am body and soul
Ive purged when I let other people cause any doubt of who I am to overwhelm me. But then, I didnt know about the recources out there that I know about and am taking advantage of, now.
I have purged exactly three times... each time it was a single pair of panties that had come into my possession from a girlfriend (2x in college) and my wife (1x) when they had accidentally put them in my drawer or whatever... I can't say I regret now not having the first two, but I remember that pair that was my wife's with fondness LOL... that was the time that I really started realizing that I was "different". In any case I got rid of them all in turn for fear of getting caught and a little shame (probably these two are related as Marcia Blue described so well above.) Guilt didn't play a role then, although guilt certainly played a role later when I decided to come out to my wife (as opposed to purging.)
I imagine for some purging involves some level of "denial" - "this isn't who I am" etc... but that never bothered me...
VS Fan
The one and only purge I had was because of shame / guilt, brought on by the fact that I was running from the feelings, and needs that were surfacing at that point in my life.
I sure am glad that that is the one and only purge - I can't aforde to rebuild my wardrobe!
Was starting a family, figured I needed to "leave this part of me behind"....(yea, right)....oh well, live and learn
I purged 15 years ago when we moved across country. I had 2 young kids and had recently accepted Christ into my life. I was afraid my kids would find my clothes and accessories someday. I could never really give it up though. Now I have a few panties and nighties that my wife has bought for me. I really want to to start a new wardrobe but I'm not sure how my wife would feel. Plus I can't get any time to myself with older children in the house. In any case I have come to realize that its a part of me that isn't going away. So I need to embrace it one way or another. I'm so glad I found this forum!
Eva D
Learning to dress all over again...
I never could come up with any type of Logical Reason to Purge. For that matter, couldn't come up with an illogical one either! And so....I never have done a Purge, and I hope I never will.
Peace and Love, Joanie
I agree: shame, fear, guilt. One night I was driving along, opened the window, and threw my pack of cigarettes out and quit smoking. I thought purging would be like that. Took me three purges before I learned otherwise. Sure wish I had some of that stuff back. Don't miss the smokes.
Pure and simple fear of getting caught before I was ready to face the world as the real me.
Well, I've only purged once myself and that was nearly twenty years ago. In my case, it was brought about by some religious scruples I was plagued by at the time (but which I've since thankfully banished from my life), and it wasn't just my (then thankfully small) collection of women's clothes that suffered, but also my music collection (I also ditched every heavy metal album I had that contained songs praising the Horned One), and a newly-acquired pair of nipple piercings, which I felt compelled to remove. The craziest thing about it all was that, in my heart of hearts, I didn't think there was anything wrong with any of the things I was getting rid of - any guilt I was experiencing over them felt very much like it was being imposed from outside - and, yeah, I bitterly regretted what I did very soon afterwards. I was "normal" now, and it sucked! It didn't take me long to grow a spine again, tell my scruples where to get off, and start replacing everything I'd gotten rid of, so, yeah, a fat lot of good that stupid purge did! On a slightly more positive note, I actually gave a lot of the clothes I got rid of (mainly items of satin sleepwear) to my mother, who was very happy to take them off my hands, so my purge wasn't a wholly destructive thing. She herself took it as a hopeful sign that a "new me" was emerging (she'd never been terribly happy about all the "weird" things I did); alas for her, as I mentioned above, that "new me" didn't stick around for very long!
I purged just before I got married.
Marcia Blue stated it very well. For me it went one step further in that it was that I felt God would be very displeased with me if I remained crossdressing. It took me years and learning more about myself and God to realize that God made me this way, and it wouldn't have been fair to have been made just to be hated by God. That meant it was humans who had interjected their opinions into what was supposed to be God's words. I do not believe God creates things just to hate them. I now feel totally accepted by God and am trying hard to accept myself in the same way - with totally uninhibited love!
Hugs,
Ann
[SIZE="3"]Ann,
I am fully on board with your philosophy of God and crossdressing. Great insight.[/SIZE]
I purge due to shame and fear. My own as well as my SO's.
In an Asian culture, a man owning feminine stuff and undergarment is equated as being a pervert.
Even the tabloids would love to report it as such if exposed. The consequences could be devastating.
Hence, I purge and discard all if I know I can avoid CD for a long period. I never succeed though for more than a year at a time.
Yup, Shame and Fear are the two causes I'd say. I've purged 3 times (and we are talking major purges). Two of them were in preparation for a move, and I didn't want to be discovered, and the other (my first purge) was just out of pure shame. Back then I didn't even know that it was called purging, I've come a long way. The last time I had the urge, I just put my stuff away, and sure enough I was sure glad I hadn't gotten rid of it. I think you should treat it kind of like a big purchase, note the date, write down that you want to do it in 3 weeks, and see if at that point in the future, you still want to.
Hugs
Kaylee
It seems that in the US ( at least for most board members ), CD is widely tolerated socially.
1. Most board members have wives who know and support the CD
2. There is little social humiliation when uncovered, not to say drastic consequences like losing jobs, family shamed or freak treatment by colleagues or the local media.
So, why are people purging?
The couple of times I did a serious purge was due to self doubt and self guilt. I thought CDing was interfereing with my attempts to build satisfying relationships. As I grew older (see the other CD over 40 topic) I learned that CDing is part of me and will always be there.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
hugs - maggie
Ditto - all the reasons I have purged. I actually stopped thowing away my stuff a few years back since I am too cheap to keep buying new stuff all the time. I realized that after all this time, I will need it again, one day. I just find some out of the way place to hide it from myself until I "need" it again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcia Blue
I purged twice (in a very short time from each other) when I first started crossdressing, I started feeling like it was wrong, and was afraid I'd get caught, so I purged, then a short while later I told my parents it as just a phase after they found out, and got rid of the evidence. now, I have no intention of ever purging again, as I not only want to crossdress but also transition to become a woman. I'm building a wardrobe for the rest of my life (I hope).
a GIRL and a promise to God that if I stopped I could keep her..
Lets see, I purged in high school, when the smaller girl clothes no longer fit me. Then again a few times, each time vowing to quit forever. I think once I hit 30, I realized it would be difficult to stop entirely, but purged again before I started dating my wife and got married. Each time, I thought I would be able to quit. Came closest during my engagement and marriage, lasted for about what, 7 years? Then started again, now have the largest wardrobe of female stuff I've ever had, mostly thanks to the availability of huge size stuff on the internet. Recently I've been buying purses and wallets to match my outfits...which is odd, since I never go out dressed.
Sounds like to me you are planning an outing you just don't know it yet..lolQuote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
I've purged three times. once when going on holiday when I still lived with my parents. I returned to all new bedroom furniture so that was a close one. The other times were when I was in serious relationships. When I first started dating my wife I had just shaved my legs and had to play hard to get for six weeks until they looked hairy again! I had some really nice stuff too!
That is funny! and true.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy_Bella
At the request of my wife as a lesson to me to be honest about my CDing and not go behind her back.
I purged twice. The first time when my wife discovered my stash of clothing and I admitted my need to dress. She never fully accepted it. The second time was when we were moving from the home we had lived in for nearly 40 years. I was afraid the my granddaughter would discover my extensive wardrobe. I have since reconciled myself to the fact that I cannot live without dressing.
I've only ever "purged" once. I thought if I got rid of all my female clothing that my need to be a woman would somehow magically disappear, I'd be "normal" and I'd live happily ever after.
The result was complete misery.
I can't express the pure joy of getting back into a skirt, and doing my makeup etc.
Got caught a few times by the wife. Change in styles by get older. Needed more space for the new cloths. The last time when I got married the wife needed the walkin closet for her cloths and she didn't want mine.
I dont know how much money I have wasted throwing out my clothes and each time I just start all over again.
I wish I did not have to do this.
Laurin
I have purged 5 times in my life. The last time was 2 years ago when my last g/f found out about my dressing. She actually stood and watched me as I threw everything out. Now 2 years later she is gone and although I don't have many clothes I still dress when able :)
Stay happy!
Rene
The several times I purged were all related to my wifes lack of acceptance to my dressing. I never purged out of shame or guilt. Not that I didn't experience shame and guilt about my dressing, but I would have never thrown out my clothes because of.
I used to purge myself of alcoholic beverages - and realized that approach did not work.
So why would it work if I purged my wardrobe of feminine clothes? I can't stand to waste anything. To me a garment is just a garment - I am a freestyler. My wife does not exactly approve of my skirts, dresses, or heels - but with her it is better for me to wear them than for her to have to wear them.
guilt and didn't want to get caught. usually I suspected that I was about to get caught and got rid the stuff to avoid the discovery.
I keep my feminine clothes and shoes in plain sight and wear them openly. So there is no issue of getting caught. I guess I don't feel guilty wearing those items. If a woman wears men's clothing it is no big deal and normally she does not take on a masculine name. In the same spirit I as a man feel free to wear women's clothing without taking on a feminine name. If someone drags out the passage in Deuteronomy to say it is a sin for a man to wear women's clothing I can also point out that it is a sin for a woman to wear men's clothing. It was also a sin to mix two different fabric types together - I seem to remember the prohibited combination was wool and linen.
i never really purged either. i am just in constant clean out mode. I have bought stuff and the lost interest in wearing it or whatever, but i have decided i can only keep a limited amount of stuff. I will never be one of these people who have like 300 panties.
I purged once, the day after we brought our daughter home from the hospital. For some reason I felt that I "had" to now that I was a father. Don't ask me where I got that one. I didn't tell anyone, including my shrink, for a couple of months. Eventually I told both my wife and shrink that I'd taken my things to the Salvation Army and their responses were the same (with different wording), "Well, what'd you do that for? That was silly."
I realize this is a bit older thread but figured it would be appropriate instead of starting a new one.
Bear in mind, I did not purge. Nothing was thrown out, but I was seriously considering it.
Why?
1) My wife has been distant this week. I asked her Thursday night as we lay in bed reading our books. She said my CDing is "driving her away". I could have asked at a better time and differently. But I lost it and felt hurt.
2) Guilt- feeling that way because of how I made my wife feel. She's been good to me for 14 years. Always been there for me and been a tremendous support in everything I do.
3) I looked at my pics from my night out Wed and said why try? I've never been happy with my physical appearance at all. I even had one ex GF tell me "you're not gorgeous to the hilt or worth dying for, but I guess you're ok looking." I know, I need to let that go but it is an example of why I don't consider myself an attractive male. Since becoming a crossdresser and putting on "the girl", I have actually felt attractive. For the first time ever. But I was feeling rather down yesterday and thought I might as well just quit. It's not worth it, I'll never look good, hot, attractive whatever. But I eventually talked myself out of it and decided I don't want to be a quitter. I want to keep doing this, even though I ain't a hottie.
Now had I purged I would have donated my clothes etc. There are plenty of places that would accept it all. But I just could not do it in the end. I feel like I've come this far, I need to keep going.
As far as my wife, I had one of her fav dinners ready and a glass of wine for her when she got home from a rough day. We were able to talk and she got a lot of her feelings out. By the end of the evening we both felt closer than we have in a long time and things are great, really better than I hoped for.
With all this said..I hope I don't sound egocentric etc. I am still wary about posting with the holier than thou thread going right now. My intent is not to look like I'm saying people shouldn't purge, or I am right and you're not. I just figured I'd get out my feelings. Writing helps. And I am honestly curious to see what people here have to say. This forum has made a positive difference in my life.
I agree with Marcia. She sounds like me.
I never heard of the idea of purging. I just threw them all away because I was not going to wear them for awhile. It's better to wear fresh stuff when you start wearing them again. After all, during the 6 years I was not wearing them, they could have faded, been eaten while in open storage by foraging beetles, and they would have been out of style and not even fit any more.
This was in 2000 that I tossed everything for a six year stint. Then after six years I bought new stuff again.
THough I am intrigued, what is really meant by purging? Why do people do it? Is this a conscious thing that people do?
For me it was the break up of a marriage, and having to move in with family, that caused me to purge, I went a few years without dressing, so most of it would have been out dated anyway. And yes guilt did play a big part in the purge. Oh and when I went into the service, I didn't want to leave anything behind that might be found by my parents. The last purge was over 40 years ago, and I have never thought of doing it again. I have packed it all away from time to time, but I only get rid of worn out, ill fitting, or no longer age appropriate. The wife some times shops at a second hand plus size store that sells things on consignment, they love my hand me down, and sell my used things really fast, makes me feel like my style is appreciated lol, but I doubt they would sell so fast if they knew they where owned by a man.
Tina B.