It's time to stop with all the excuses

There is a continuing theme on this forum an it seems to have raised its head a lot recently.

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.
I can't stop myself.
I have to express my feminine side.
Yada, yada, yada.

The fact of the matter is that when you were 3 or 6 or even 12 and tried on your first item of women's clothing, your inspiration wasn't a sudden burst of a few synapses that linked together which in turn fired those neurons that put you under the uncontrollable spell of crossdressing.
Your brain at that time did not possess the cognitive processes necessary to have such an epiphany.

Maybe Mom was very pretty and you wanted to look like her.
The forbidden fruit-you DID know you weren't allowed but just had to try it.
You liked the softness and tactile response of the material. Wanted to know how it felt on you.
You wondered what it would feel like to have boobs.
You wondered what it would be like to be a girl instead of a boy.
Aliens made you do it.

It's very simple.
WE LIKED IT.
It gave us pleasure and still does.
That's why we did it again and again and continue to do it.

No more excuses.

We love it and we're too selfish to give it up.

Some folks feel the need to explain why they like crossdressing. For them, liking it is just not enough of a reason. The reasons they give may or may not be the correct ones, but it fills their need to say why they are crossdressing. Others do not feel this need. In any event I do not think that those who explain why they crossdress feel that they are coming up with excuses. If they are it's because they need to, and the excuse fills a need in them, and that's perfectly OK.

It is human to want to explain things.

I like doing it. I enjoy doing it. It is pleasurible. fun and relaxing. on top of all that my wife doesn't mind.

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Originally Posted by Patricia Jane

I like doing it. I enjoy doing it. It is pleasurible. fun and relaxing. on top of all that my wife doesn't mind.

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That applies to me too Patricia; I do not feel the need to make excuses to my Wife because she accepts me "As-Is"

On the other hand I also agree with Freddie, some folks just need to explain everything!!! Diffferent strokes for different folks!!

Danielle

I’m not too selfish to give it up, it’s too selfish to give me up!

Have fun, SUZY
:confused:

Ohh please!!! Pleasure? More like torture. I do not do this because I enjoy it. I do this because I'm driven to do this. Most of the time I would so wish it would go away... I makes my life so much more complicated that it should be. I'd settle for one gender any day of the week. Either one. I'm not pickey! I'm really happy for you.. That you know why your doing this because I have no clue... Not that I care why either.... But its not for pleasure for sure!!

Your right of course, I just never knew that I enjoyed the years of guilt, lost marriage, hiding, lies and all the rest of the fun things I have been driven to over the years. I guess I will just have to rethink the whole thing!
Tina B.

Isn't that the one of the main goals of this forum? To find out who we are, which usually means spilling the beans and unloading or life stories and how we got to where we are today? Are we not here for support of others that are like minded and to gain confidence within ourselves so that we can improve on what we want out of this condition that makes us unique, cursed, blessed....etc? For some this is a hobby, others are in it for the "fetish" or sexual aspect of it all. Some absolutely hate the gender they are born with and are willing to go the distance to achieve their goals and then there are those who don't mind who they are and they make the most of what they got. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the "excuses" to some are reasoning's of what makes them tick. Everyone comes from a different background and upbringings, but we all come here for some type of support and acceptance....especially if we are unable to obtain it in our respective environments.

Shelly

The explanations work for those trying to explain why they started, but the real question is why you continue. Every one has free will and is able to make decisions, but each person who continues on the journey does so freely.

Shari, never presume to judge another till youve walked a mile in their 3 inch heels.

If the simplistic works for you fine, just dont presume it is that way for others.

I need no excuses. It's who I am and I like doing it simple as that. If you ask me why I dress it's because I can.:hugs:
Angie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

There is a continuing theme on this forum an it seems to have raised its head a lot recently.

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.
I can't stop myself.
I have to express my feminine side.
Yada, yada, yada.

The fact of the matter is that when you were 3 or 6 or even 12 and tried on your first item of women's clothing, your inspiration wasn't a sudden burst of a few synapses that linked together which in turn fired those neurons that put you under the uncontrollable spell of crossdressing.
Your brain at that time did not possess the cognitive processes necessary to have such an epiphany.

Maybe Mom was very pretty and you wanted to look like her.
The forbidden fruit-you DID know you weren't allowed but just had to try it.
You liked the softness and tactile response of the material. Wanted to know how it felt on you.
You wondered what it would feel like to have boobs.
You wondered what it would be like to be a girl instead of a boy.
Aliens made you do it.

It's very simple.
WE LIKED IT.
It gave us pleasure and still does.
That's why we did it again and again and continue to do it.

No more excuses.

We love it and we're too selfish to give it up.

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I am sorry but I am afraid I cant agree with the views you have expressed

What you describe as excuses are fact
The number of those who have tried to give up and failed is astounding
If people were not born in the wrong body the medical profession would not be approving SRS operations

It may be you dont really understand transexuallity

You assume gender is either male or female which I would consider a mistake

We have babies who are intersexed and even doctors have trouble deciding which sex should go on a birth certificate
Why should it be any different even if there are no physical clues to the correct gender of an individual

Yes some will dress because they like it but please do not generalise and think we are all the same

If you want to think some use excuses then fine but please dont assume we all do

Oh well, here I go swallowing the baited hook to respond to this thread, but I think this is an important discussion and I thank the OP for starting it. Every one of the "yadas" in the OP's list apply to me. Crossdressing just isn't the same for everyone. As Shelly Madison said in her post, our backgrounds and environments are different. Global statements are often incorrect. Our experiences probably run the gamut. I'll even throw out the "D" word and say that we have a really Diverse population on this forum. Let's practice healthy respect for diversity, OK? That's also what we want from those who misunderstand us as crossdressers. The only true blanket statement I can think of at this moment is that we're all crossdressers (hence this forum), but beyond that we find many, many divergences.

Now, for me, I've wanted crossdressing to go away many times over the last 30 years of my adult life. Evidence: multiple purgings. I truly cannot amputate that part of my being. There have been long spans of my life when I hated myself for wanting something "wrong." I tried and tried with all my might to not think about crossdressing but I failed over and over. I didn't want to CD; I had to CD! It is as necessary for me as breathing. This year, I finally came to accept my crossdressing and my life has entered a wonderful level of peace and happiness.

Do I share my experience because I think it should apply to everyone else? Of course not. But it probably applies to someone else on this forum and therefore can be supportive to know someone else has had a similar experience.

Who says we can't quit.I've guit a 100 times

Quiet Little Marissa is going to do what she does best...sit in the corner and not say a thing..:eek::heehee::D:battingeyelashes:

And that is based on "I kissed a girl and I liked it" :daydreaming: Hey, I never said it had to make sense..

Hugs,
Marissa (the quiet one)

I do think the reason why we enjoy it is important, and part of why this forum exists.

Do I like it, hell yes! Why? Because it makes me feel like a woman, and in many instances enables others to interact with me as if I am female. Being uncomfortable in one's gender role is not something anyone can control, but we can control how we deal with it, and for me that is crossdressing and presenting as female.

That is WHY I enjoy it. It is fine if your only reason for doing it is enjoyment... but for many of us that isn't the only reason, and some do it not because they enjoy it but because it is the solution to gender problems they are struggling with.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I do this because I'm driven to do this.

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Karren, some of us are more compulsive than others. I ,personally, think CDing is more fun than not CDing. To over analyze it is not productive.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marissa

Quiet Little Marissa is going to do what she does best...sit in the corner and not say a thing..

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You could give me a lesson on keeping my lips zipped.

I must say that I enjoy both sides! However I like many wonder why the initial impulse was there and for me it was my mother would say "I wish you where a girl, they have better clothes and a bigger selection than boys" so if you hear that statement too much what do you think would happen? You guessed it I tried on girls clothes and from then on I was hooked!

I do not fully agree with the statement however I have never used any excuse for dressing as there is no excuse for being who I am!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.

The fact of the matter is that when you were 3 or 6 or even 12 and tried on your first item of women's clothing, your inspiration wasn't a sudden burst of a few synapses that linked together which in turn fired those neurons that put you under the uncontrollable spell of crossdressing.
Your brain at that time did not possess the cognitive processes necessary to have such an epiphany.

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This part of your post made me really mad, because I don't think you have the right to speak about all members here in that tone, especially the TS women on this forum who do not need to own womens clothes to know who they are inside. Crossdressers maybe, but not TS women, maybe you should try learning about TS women instead of preaching what they did or did not feel when they were x years old :rolleyes: My sister is a TS woman and it isn't about the clothes for her, it never has been and if you knew her, you wouldn't come out with blanket statements like this, it's just rude!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amanda22

You could give me a lesson on keeping my lips zipped.

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Mandy, I am definately the last one to seek out on learning how to keep lips zipped..just ask Tamara (my fav mod and all around pain in the a$$). Others are doing great with the response.. :)

Hugs,
Marissa

i have always siad it is because i like it, and it just feels right.

I'll tell you something, my day job as a chef is when I'm in drag for now anyway as a man!!!!!! when I get home at night, and put on my shorty shorts, and a halter top thats when the real me comes out to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

No more excuses.

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[SIZE="3"]Miss Manners here ... :heehee:

An explanation is a set of statements constructed to describe a set of facts which clarifies the causes, context, and consequences of those facts. ...

An Excuse
Noun: A reason put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.
Verb: Attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

[SIZE="4"]I will buy into the 'explanation' concept, but I've nothing to make excuses over! :eek: [/SIZE][/SIZE]

So many others telling how they feel.
Ok, not Ok, my way, your way, I wonder if my wife would let me crossdress again. Nope I asked her she said I will live as a woman forever. Gee I bet that gets some upset.
If a person needs to justify or wants to justify to themselves or others why they crossdress frankly I do not see the harm. If you don't that is good also. Remember each to there own. share our stories and help each not make it harder for each other. Isn't that what the forum is about. A laugh or two helps also. Now guys and girls ladies and men and children of all ages play nice.

An interesting thread . 2 things spring to my mind 1, we are all different and 2 there are lots of forms and stages of crossdressing . Where we are or where we fit in is probably got to do with where we are on or own private journeys .I for one know where I started but don't know my destination and along the way it's been fun,and an addiction ,and now after many years I realized it's who I am so it is part of my life . And it is still fun still an addiction and will always be a part of me.

The excuses become neccessary when the crossdressing begins to cause damage, either to oneself or those around us. It's a way of shifting blame.

Another thought: Several have stated that crossdressing harms no-one ... mmmm ... let's give that another thought ...
:daydreaming::sad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.
I can't stop myself.
I have to express my feminine side.
Yada, yada, yada.

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With your ability to understand brain chemistry and the way it makes connections, I'm surprised that you cannot fathom there are people who are not CD, like you.

There are transsexuals who cannot live as the gender assigned to them at birth. You should do a little research, and in the meantime, try to be a tad more sensitive and respectful to other forum members.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

I was born this way.


The fact of the matter is that when you were 3 or 6 or even 12 and tried on your first item of women's clothing, your inspiration wasn't a sudden burst of a few synapses that linked together which in turn fired those neurons that put you under the uncontrollable spell of crossdressing.
Your brain at that time did not possess the cognitive processes necessary to have such an epiphany.

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Really and do you apply this to the TS women of this site? I hope not because if you do then you don't know what you are talking about. Being a TS is not about the clothes, it's how they feel inside. Oh and they do know from an early age who they are, so that blows your comment out of the water.

There is one thing that really makes me angry and that is someone who just has to stand and try and speak for everyone here, You can't because you don't know everyone's stories or what makes them tick. Why not speak about something you do know about....yourself.

As to this

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.

That is me to a [SIZE="4"]T[/SIZE]

It isn't the clothes, it is who I am inside, the person who never seems to fit in, tries hard to be the someone others want/need me to be. I have worked darn hard to be where I am today.....nuff said :sigh:

mini rant over

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shari

There is a continuing theme on this forum an it seems to have raised its head a lot recently.

I was born this way.
I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.
I can't stop myself.
I have to express my feminine side.
Yada, yada, yada.

The fact of the matter is that when I was 3 or 6 or even 12 and tried on my first item of women's clothing, my inspiration wasn't a sudden burst of a few synapses that linked together which in turn fired those neurons that put me under the uncontrollable spell of crossdressing.
My brain at that time did not possess the cognitive processes necessary to have such an epiphany.

Maybe Mom was very pretty and I wanted to look like her.
The forbidden fruit-I DID know I wasn't allowed but just had to try it.
I liked the softness and tactile response of the material. Wanted to know how it felt on me.
I wondered what it would feel like to have boobs.
I wondered what it would be like to be a girl instead of a boy.
Aliens made me do it.

It's very simple.
I LIKED IT.
It gave me pleasure and still does.
That's why I did it again and again and continue to do it.

No more excuses.

I love it and am too selfish to give it up.

---

That makes more sense

Quote:

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Originally Posted by clayfish

Another thought: Several have stated that crossdressing harms no-one ... mmmm ... let's give that another thought ...

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Well, it depends on what kind of harm you actually mean? Emotional, physical etc? It doesn't 'harm' me in either terms, although sometimes it gets on my nerves, the 'drama' that comes with it... and there is always some drama on this board ;)

OK, If we have to blame something or someone for a reason we do this then I would like to blame Karen Hutton. ( Did you girls see that last avitar pic???) jeez....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Ohh please!!! Pleasure? More like torture. I do not do this because I enjoy it. I do this because I'm driven to do this. Most of the time I would so wish it would go away... I makes my life so much more complicated that it should be. I'd settle for one gender any day of the week. Either one. I'm not pickey! I'm really happy for you.. That you know why your doing this because I have no clue... Not that I care why either.... But its not for pleasure for sure!!

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Right on the mark Karren. Pleasure, right. I for one have lived with this for 50 plus years and it's been no joy ride in any sense of the word. It's been a life of pain, guilt, remorse and depression. So much for "pleasure". It HURTS all the time.

Kerry

Sorry but i can't agree to anything you have said :eek:

Maybe what you say can be applied to you But as for me that's not even close.

I make no excuses, But i will say i have no idea why i dress up fully,
-Maybe i just like being a girl some times
-Maybe i want to me a real girl
-Maybe there is something wrong with my brain "hell if i know"

Not trying to make any excuses at all I just really don't know, And i am trying to find myself so maybe one day i will know.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tamara Croft

This part of your post made me really mad, because I don't think you have the right to speak about all members here in that tone, especially the TS women on this forum who do not need to own womens clothes to know who they are inside. Crossdressers maybe, but not TS women, maybe you should try learning about TS women instead of preaching what they did or did not feel when they were x years old :rolleyes: My sister is a TS woman and it isn't about the clothes for her, it never has been and if you knew her, you wouldn't come out with blanket statements like this, it's just rude!

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Thank you Tamara and all the other mods who spoke up before the TS girls could. How anyone can say how a person feels about themself without being them is absurd. Someone who is TS knows at a very early age, they may not know exactly what is wrong but that doesn't stop the knowledge. This is not only the F2M but also the M2F. Excuses be d*****ed. Reasons,desires,needs,enjoyment,pleasure this is what ties us all together. Crossdressing is what our lives normal in our eyes, not dressing makes it seem abnormal.

Danni

I don't believe that I have ever made any excuses for my crossdressing, I may have offered my opinion on a subject that is been talked about in a thread, I may have voiced my thoughts on a topic that is currently been debated on the forum, but I really can't recall a time when I have made an excuse for crossdressing and I hope that I never do. I make no excuse for my crossdressing as it is woven into who I am...it is not a life-style choice....it is ME...and always has been.

I am troubled by the last few lines of your post when you say "WE LIKED IT" and then "It gave us pleasure"....you almost make crossdressing sound like a seperate entity....well speaking ONLY for myself that is not the case.......there is no IT...once again....just ME......NO EXCUSES

Whatever....blah-de-blah-de-blah. Homina-homina-homina.......

Guilty as charged. I like it.

Discussions of this type seem to just reinforce my belief that most things in life are simply matters of Perception. The "spinning dancer" has always been my favorite reminder...

So, which way is she spinning in your world???

http://psychology.about.com/od/sensa...r-illusion.htm

:love:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by clayfish

The excuses become neccessary when the crossdressing begins to cause damage, either to oneself or those around us. It's a way of shifting blame.

Another thought: Several have stated that crossdressing harms no-one ... mmmm ... let's give that another thought ...
:daydreaming::sad:

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For sure some people genuinely believe they were born this way but for others it can be used as a convenient reason to explain their behavior. It gives them a free pass and potentially a quick route to acceptance/toleration. I do think that internalized guilt is a major problem in the CD community which makes any easy expanation a likely choice to use to soothe the pain and also to gain sympathy and avoid the tricky problem of explaining your behavior in an uninformed and intollerant society.

Thanks, I've been trying to answer 'why' for the last 30 years, you just gave me the answer...