Taking breaks with the CDing

Hi everyone,

There's a thread going on right now asking how long members have gone without CDing. One member said 10 years, another said 5. For some it's just a few months.

My question: Barring having to keep it under wraps from wife or family, does anyone know WHY the urge comes and goes for some people? I'm more interested in hearing from those to whom this has happened willingly, not forced due to a non-accepting environment. I do understand why someone would want to purge if they feel the CDing isn't accepted by family members.

So ... to those of you who don't internally feel like dressing for extended periods of time, do you miss it, I mean do you feel great as a guy or do you feel flat? And do you still enjoy being your guy selves even when you are in a dressing cycle, or does the enjoyment of being a guy diminish during these times?

Does the love of a woman have anything to do with it? Parental responsibilities? The excitement of a career? Sports or hobbies that you very much enjoy as men?

Just wondering. :)

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Hi everyone,

There's a thread going on right now asking how long members have gone without CDing. One member said 10 years, another said 5. For some it's just a few months.

My question: Barring having to keep it under wraps from wife or family, does anyone know WHY the urge comes and goes for some people? I'm more interested in hearing from those to whom this has happened willingly, not forced due to a non-accepting environment. I do understand why someone would want to purge if they feel the CDing isn't accepted by family members.

So ... to those of you who don't internally feel like dressing for extended periods of time, do you miss it, I mean do you feel great as a guy or do you feel flat? And do you still enjoy being your guy selves even when you are in a dressing cycle, or does the enjoyment of being a guy diminish during these times?

Does the love of a woman have anything to do with it? Parental responsibilities? The excitement of a career? Sports or hobbies that you very much enjoy as men?

Just wondering. :)

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Hi Renee i have been very busy with my business the last year etc so havent really didnt have time to miss it to much but i would always still look at ggs were wearing and look at gg's magazines etc.

As i said my reason for stopping dressing all of a sudden was because i didnt think i looked passable enough.

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Originally Posted by nicole12

my reason for stopping dressing all of a sudden was because i didnt think i looked passable enough.

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I wonder if you've stumbled upon one of the fundamental reasons.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I wonder if you've stumbled upon one of the fundamental reasons.

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Hi Reine im not sure what you mean?

When I was a teen, I knew I was cross-dressing, to "get an approximation of a feeling" of what was like to be female... e.g., "is wearing nylons as horrible a burden as I'm reading in the feminist articles" ? I wasn't a cross-dresser, I was a scientist doing experiments.

Once my teen years past and I had more important things like university to attend to, I stopped "cross-dressing". The few things I did for the years after that were just "trying things on" "to see how they look", "to get an idea if they are comfortable", "to see how combinations go together so I know what kinds of things to buy for my SO", "to get an idea of whether these bras are good-looking and lift well, so I know what to buy for my wife", "to see if this top is too revealing for my wife to wear", "to see if this top as revealing as I would like to see on my wife, without her being aware of how much I could see", "to see whether the straps on this model of bra are long enough", "to understand bra band sizes better", "to see if this kind of bra is too visible underneath this kind of top", "to see how these kind of panties fit around, so I know the difference between them and know what would look good on my wife", "to see if this is the right size of skirt to buy for my wife, since I have a good idea of how skirts that fit her well would fit on me", "to see if this kind of skirt would hang well, or if the material is too stiff". And so on. You see, not cross-dressing at all :eek: -- it wasn't like I wanted to bra wear them skirt or bra something! panties skirt bra!.

And then there came the day that I "tried on" a really nice chinese skirt that I bought my wife that she refused to wear, and which I knew would fit her well as I had tried it on myself in the store -- tried it on, you know, just to re-check that I hadn't missed something in the appearance, that it did look nice after all -- and I said to myself, "You know, if she isn't going to wear these things out in public, then I am". And in that moment, I become a cross-dresser, and I haven't stopped being a cross-dresser since. And once I crossed that threshold, it didn't take long at all for me to realize the more and more frequent urges I'd had to shop "for her" and to study women's clothing "to buy things for her" had been internal cover stories for me shopping and studying for my own internal needs.

What does this tell you about "voluntary breaks" ? I dunno, since I didn't realize they were breaks because I hadn't realized that I had started.

Have I ever mentioned how good I can be at rationalization? :devil:

I mean, I wonder if thoughts of not passing is what dampens the joy of expressing femininity for some people, and if this is why they lose gusto for being femme for awhile?

I don't know ... that's why I've started this thread. :p

Funny you should ask that..

I have plans on getting my social life back in action.. I am not sure to what degree of a cder you are looking for answers from. But to answer your question.. I do fine as long as I can keep my mind off of it.. Thats hard to do when there are so many beautiful women out there..

My will to keep it at bay and in fact have little or no desires to cding at all is, when I meet a lady that I have taken a strong interest in first month or so.. Other than that it's really hard to find a reason to surpress cding at will when I have no one else in my life.. I get bored and need something to do and now more than it ever has been in the past, it is easier for me to do.. Thats because I have everthing within a few steps..

So I will be taking everything and packing it away and store it deep into the attic ...It beats purging and should be safe enough up there nobody goes into the atiic ever.. It does come back those needs and I can't really explain why ..Its a never ending urge that nags you to death to be expressed.. I can fight it , but soon mainly when I am at my weakest, depressed , had a bad day or something wrong happen in my life I give in..

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I mean, I wonder if thoughts of not passing is what dampens the joy of expressing femininity for some people, and if this is why they lose gusto for being femme for awhile?

I don't know ... that's why I've started this thread. :p

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yes i think it has dampened my expression in the the past for sure i have no doubt about that , if i thought i were more passable then i would actually go out more etc. I think thats an insecurity i have with my cross dressing.

Me, myself and I?

I don't do it to be passable? I more than not couldn't pass in a potograher's dark room!

I do it because I like and enjoy women, and any and all things feminine!

Always have ~ even as a little tyke of a kid! I just like "girly" things and girls!

I like the fabrics, the perfumes, the jewelry, the "fussiness" of being and getting and being "girly"

I like, appreciate, and enjoy all that it takes to get and be "made up" ~ so to speak to be such!

I know that many GG are bored with such. But I actually enjoy it ~ even though I've severly repressed it due to social, cultrual and religious conditioning?

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Originally Posted by Dana

Me, myself and I?

I don't do it to be passable? I more than not couldn't pass in a potograher's dark room!

I do it because I like and enjoy women, and any and all things feminine!

Always have ~ even as a little tyke of a kid! I just like "girly" things and girls!

I like the fabrics, the perfumes, the jewelry, the "fussiness" of being and getting and being "girly"

I like, appreciate, and enjoy all that it takes to get and be "made up" ~ so to speak to be such!

I know that many GG are bored with such. But I actually enjoy it ~ even though I've severly repressed it due to social, cultrual and religious conditioning?

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Oh yes me to i love all that, i just probably want to go further and feel sometimes frustrated . like i would love to go out for a dance etc but i would be to worried about people catching me out that i wasnt a lady.

I live alone so have few external pressures to keep me from dressing. I do go thru swings where the desire to dress comes and goes. When the desire is gone I dont feel bad or incomplete. Its when I ignore or try to suppress the desire that I feel incomplete.

Ive settled into a routine where I schedule a day every month just for myself and set that aside for dressing; however I dont always use it and sometimes add sessions on rainy days ect.

Just like why I get the desire to dress I have identified a few triggers as to why I dont feel like it. This is just me and not complete by any any means.

1: Getting my fill - The best example would be coming home after a conference or a few days dressed. I could go for several months after that without dressing.

2: Guilt - Often If I go on a lil shopping spree and spend to much money I will lose the urge for awhile. I get down on myself for spending too much and I kinda get my fill after playing with all my new purchases. If I blow what I budgetted for say two months on one trip I may lose the desire for two months.

3: Summer - Just a pain the fashions dont look good - Makeup melts off ect. I also like being outside and doing other things. This summer I had no desire to dress at all it lasted into fall no real idea why.

4: Passion - At times I will get into a new hobby or area or study and it will swallow all my free time until I reach whatever level Im looking for.

5: No triggers - I think sometimes Ill just be in an environment with no triggers. Summer is a good example I can go a long time without seeing an outfit I think Id look good in.

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Originally Posted by Cari

I live alone so have few external pressures to keep me from dressing. I do go thru swings where the desire to dress comes and goes. When the desire is gone I dont feel bad or incomplete. Its when I ignore or try to suppress the desire that I feel incomplete.

Ive settled into a routine where I schedule a day every month just for myself and set that aside for dressing; however I dont always use it and sometimes add sessions on rainy days ect.

Just like why I get the desire to dress I have identified a few triggers as to why I dont feel like it. This is just me and not complete by any any means.

1: Getting my fill - The best example would be coming home after a conference or a few days dressed. I could go for several months after that without dressing.

2: Guilt - Often If I go on a lil shopping spree and spend to much money I will lose the urge for awhile. I get down on myself for spending too much and I kinda get my fill after playing with all my new purchases. If I blow what I budgetted for say two months on one trip I may lose the desire for two months.

3: Summer - Just a pain the fashions dont look good - Makeup melts off ect. I also like being outside and doing other things. This summer I had no desire to dress at all it lasted into fall no real idea why.

4: Passion - At times I will get into a new hobby or area or study and it will swallow all my free time until I reach whatever level Im looking for.

5: No triggers - I think sometimes Ill just be in an environment with no triggers. Summer is a good example I can go a long time without seeing an outfit I think Id look good in.

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its so interesting how everyones different, but i have felt ever so slightly this last week that i would love to be girl fulltime and its probably the only time i have felt it so strongly.

I forgot about the passable part as a trigger not dress.
If I put a really bad outfit together or do the makeup and end up highlighting the masculine features it will make me want to try it again.
Then again If I get it right and look better than the last time I could put it down for awhile.

If I put on some weight then I may head to the gym instead of dressing.

I guess I should state my idea of passing isnt having the ability to walk thru the mall without being detected.
Im simply too large for that, Statistically I would be among the biggest 0.5% of women. Ive accepted that.
But that doesnt mean that I cant look well put together and behave as ladylike as possible.

I only go out to events where there will be other CD's so "passing" is not as important.
For nicole12 if you really want to go and dance find a CD Girls Nite Out in the area; They are good events and you can dance all nite.

I'm not sure there's any over-arching reason for ebbs/flows in my desire to dress. No romantic prospects at the moment, no kids, job's boring (but pays me well enough to buy lots of nice stuff :)), no interest whatsoever in sports, and my hobbies are pretty unisex, so it's none of those. I do think about dressing frequently, but it's not uncommon for me to go a few months without indulging. One possible reason for that is the realization that it's going to take a LOT of prep work for me to do it right (especially shaving all over) and I really don't want to do it unless I'm going to do it right, as in makeup, wig, nails and the lot. Being a lazy SOB, I end up talking myself out of it far more often than not, even when I have no other pressing engagements, but when the stars are all aligned properly (or some such hippie crap) I pull out the stops and I'm always glad I did.

Maybe it's a combination of laziness, perfectionism and the possibility that I won't enjoy it as much if I do it too often?

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Originally Posted by Cari

I forgot about the passable part as a trigger not dress.
If I put a really bad outfit together or do the makeup and end up highlighting the masculine features it will make me want to try it again.
Then again If I get it right and look better than the last time I could put it down for awhile.

If I put on some weight then I may head to the gym instead of dressing.

I guess I should state my idea of passing isnt having the ability to walk thru the mall without being detected.
Im simply too large for that, Statistically I would be among the biggest 0.5% of women. Ive accepted that.
But that doesnt mean that I cant look well put together and behave as ladylike as possible.

I only go out to events where there will be other CD's so "passing" is not as important.
For nicole12 if you really want to go and dance find a CD Girls Nite Out in the area; They are good events and you can dance all nite.

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see im even to insecure or shy to go out cdressed and go dancing etc. i guess its the fact ive never been out as a girl and dont really no the art of being one, re walking , talking , movements etc etc.

- When I decide that there is something I want to focus on and that CDing will be a distraction.
- When I want to practice self-restraint for the purpose of improving self-control.
- In the past when there were pieces of crossdressing that were morally questionable in my mind. I had been reading a lot of feminist stuff at the time and had to ask myself if I was using CDing as an echo of condescension. That stopped me up for a while -- I needed to have a clear conscience -- which is good I think, I dress now, but I think in a different way than before.

It depends on what your overall goal is I guess (If you even have one). I spent years and years on the CDing roller coaster until I finally decided to get in touch with the feelings that drive it. To do that I had to address the feelings, work them out by actually living the life and making them my own. When I was en femme I was a complete person and didn't think of myself as one or the other really, just a choice of costume. I finally decided I didn't need it to be myself but made it my choice to do it or not. This is not a "break" though Reine, this is my "final answer".:)

I've often wondered what the "triggers" are.
The only thing I know for sure is that the warmer weather doesn't seem to fit as well as the cooler/colder times of the year.
I didn't do much of anything from May until October but I'm totally back right now and see no end to it at this point. Been going a little crazy internet shopping to build my wardrobe back up after the semi purge I perfomed over the summer months.

I am able to perform a complete separation between my male and female self. One rarely if ever intrudes upon the other. The thoughts of dressing are few and far between during a golf match or a beer with my friends. It's 99% out of my mind in this regard or when I spend time with my family.

I might add that my wife is accepting of Shari. There are really no boundaries that prevent my dressing other than what I dictate to myself.
Nobody else knows, and that's the way it shall remain.
I'm quite happy and fulfilled with things just the way they are.

"And once I crossed that threshold, it didn't take long at all for me to realize the more and more frequent urges I'd had to shop "for her" and to study women's clothing "to buy things for her" had been internal cover stories for me shopping and studying for my own internal needs.

What does this tell you about "voluntary breaks" ? I dunno, since I didn't realize they were breaks because I hadn't realized that I had started." -Sandra-Leigh

Wow, I can't tell you how true this is! Looking back on the last year and a half of my SO and I's relationship I cannot tell you how many times I have purchased or shopped for things for her when in reality it was for me.

Although I have had these feelings for a long time, (I mean long for a 21 year old haha :) ), it has been within the last couple weeks that I finally gave into these thoughts, and my life is so much better now, and surprisingly, so has my relationship with my GF. I told her the other day and even though I got the expected shock and bewilderment, to my surprise there was also quite a bit of relief! Turns out I had been unknowingly hurting her feelings for a long time.

My GF takes a lot of pride in her her apparel and has spent a long time developing a very distinct style that, although very pretty, is VERY different from my own. For all this time I had been continuously shopping online for shoes, dresses, and lingerie that "she" might like while convincing myself I was being an interested and caring boyfriend. In reality, she felt like it was my way of subtly telling her that I didn't like the way she dressed or that I wanted to change her, when in reality I was just subconsciously trying to live vicariously through her!

I will say though, getting to wear my purchases is also quite a bit more rewarding :)

Anyways, I just thought it was interesting how I can see all of you who have been doing this for a lot longer than me yet have almost all gone through the same things as I.

Hi,

This is an interesting question that might not be that easy to answer since it seems there's more than one reason we CD. If it's sexual in nature, then I expect that sexual activity (CD realted or not) might reduce the desire to dress. So here's my "story" regarding cessation of my CDing for a long time. I don't know if it adds anything to the discussion, but take from it what you will.

I'm one who stopped for at least 10 yrs - (maybe nearly 20) although I can't say that there was no urge during that whole time. In fact, I can admit that I would have dreams involving crossdressing. So why did I stop? Well, started young and dressed off and on through puberty etc, had gfs and got married with CDing popping up now and then (albeit behind closed doors) during and between those relationships. There were times where the urge was strong for a few days or weeks and other times when it was just a one time thing but it always had a sexual nature to it. I did come out to my wife and she tried to be supportive but couldn't handle it. Initially out of respect for her feelings, I slowly "weaned" myself off - starting off using lack of opportunity, money and obligations (kids) to motivate me but slowly those reasons became unnecessary and I had stopped for a year, then 2, then more. As I said, I can't say I didn't have the urges; I just didn't act on them and they seemed to subside for a while. Another issue was that after acquiring stuff and purging a couple of times, I was tired of going through all the headaches of buying stuff for me. I don't find it that easy to do and living in a smaller town (not city) I know many of the SA's or they know who I am, who I work for etc. So it does become so complicated that it was easier to try and suppress the feeling. Not easy but easier.

Why did I start again? Not sure either but recognized the urges were still there and decided to bring the topic up to my SO. She thought "we were passed all that" and, while not supportive, gives me my space, so to speak.

Reine, regarding the "not feeling passable enough any more" reason for not dressing, here's my situation:
Yes, there have been gaps, even large ones, in my dressing over the years, but they were mostly of the lack of opportunity type rather than the diminished desire type that I think you're looking for. When I was single and living alone, I dressed 3-4 times a week. Now, not even close.
I went for a long time dressing in private (I'm a pleasure dresser) but went out a little, staying mostly in the shadows. Only in the past 4-5 years did I actually go not just out, but IN, to a club and more public places. Been there, done that. It was fun and thrilling, but not what drives my dressing. Over the past few years I find myself staying in more, and going out less. It's the dressing that I like; going out satisfies little.
I have been dressing and making up (a huge reason I cd) for decades, which makes me no youngster. Age does have an effect on me, both in aging skin and the tendency to put on some fat. I remember when I was young and could really make myself look like a pretty young woman, having good tight skin and a slim body. Not looking as I once did may one reason for dressing less otfen. But not considering dressing opportunities and ony the desire to dress, I don't think the desire to dress has diminished. Maybe what has is the formula, the ratio of input and output, the trouble versus the payoff. I never thought making up and dressing was a burden, and I really loved the process of transformation as much as being in transformed state. As a pleasure dresser, maybe the excitement is diminishing as I age.
My favorite dressing activities are when I am alone and have lots of time to enjoy the dressup session completely. I am fortunate that I have a one week long vacation every year in a time share resort - alone. Family situation (like school for the kid) allows it. Wife knows I dress that week and is OK with it. When that weeks comes, I dress mostly every day, and when I dress, it's the works. That may be another reason for the gaps. I much prefer to dress less often and completely than more often but less completely. I still slip away behind the locked bathroom door for a lipstick application, but much prefer to wait until the opportunity to do it all: makeup including fake lashes, fake nails, perfume, wig, jewelry, shapewear, pantyhose/stockings, dress, high heels, and accessories (I love headbands).
I think about dressing every day, but feel less compelled to do so. I remember the days when the dressup desire came upon me - I had to find a time and place, and soon. Now that is all focused on preparing for the times when I can dress up, and do it in the way that really satisfies me best.
Bottom line for dressing gaps? Age.

I have dressed pretty much without taking a break for over 40 years now and I don't think I will ever pass and have never thought I would, but I just so enjoy the absolute pleasure of dressing, okay I maybe go for a week sometimes without but that is circumstance that stops me and I always miss it

Let me see ... shesa and I do not have a place of our own. If we did, I would probably indulge myself far more than I do.

Stress is an important factor. When I am relaxed, the urge to wear women's clothes does decrease.

The weather plays a part. When it is hot, one is less inclined to want to wear hosiery, which is my favourite!

Perhaps the phases of the moon play a part. I know the urge waxes and wanes of its own accord every now and then, for some unknown reason.

Well, my last "dry spell" lasted about 9 months, but it wasn't by choice - all my girl stuff was locked in storage while we readied our house for sale. Was it easy? No. No, it wasn't. The desire was indeed there - quite strongly at times. Why some times and not another? Hard to say. I'm not very "triggeristic" in that I don't see an outfit that sends me on an immediate dressing spree. Instead, it's more of a positive feedback loop kind of thing. One little things leads to another, which leads to another bigger thing, which leads, . . . Next thing you know, I go from just wearing just a little clear gloss in the car to wearing tinted lip gloss and full-on eyeshadow, liner and mascara around a bunch of other women while being a parent helper during a field trip. I know I'm doing it. They know I'm doing it. Nothing is said, so I move to something bigger, I guess. Is it exhibitionism in my case? Not sure. It's more of a gradual progression of feminine tendencies/affectations/accoutrements, and a gradual lessening of inhibitions/common sense. In time, this tends to wear itself out, and I go back to my life of caution.

Reine, I just realized that I didn't answer your question. My honest answer is I don't know. I do know that it happens, but I'm not sure when, or why, or how. I do know that when I'm in the midst of one of these episodes, life is fine, I am happy, and all is right with the world. When I'm not, I almost don't even think about it. It's just not on my radar.

My, we're an odd little bunch, aren't we?

:)

Kathi

I have no idea why the desire waxes and wanes. Given every possible trigger one way or the other, there's just no constant. Sometimes I just get tired of it. I recently spent four days out of town with my girlfriend where I was dresses 24/7 for the entire time. I definately got tired of it then. There's no way I could do this every day. Parts of it I could. I could wear makeup every day, and I love wearing heels, even as a guy, but trying to attain the highest level of passability I can for days on end with no relief is too much for me.

When "the thrill is gone", I miss it. I think the saturation point I mentioned above is understandable. Most of the time it's not so identifiable. I've often wondered if it's some kind of hormonal shift. That's certainly what it seems to be. It is otherwise unexplainable.

Anymore I don't let it go away entirely. For one thing I think my gf would freak over the going back and forth. I'm afraid if I let it go completely I might "loose my place in line", so to speak. I've gotten this far, and althogh I'd sometimes like to get out of the line and take a break, I don't want to start all over. Right now, for instance, I'm sick of dealing with my hair, but there's no way I'm cutting it. Same with shaving my whole body. I love being smooth. Even as a guy I love being smooth, but Lord I get tired of shaving. The same is true, to a certain extent with my nails. I still get regular mani/pedis, but I have little enthusiasm for it. At least my nails don't require daily maintenance, and I do enjoy having them done, but I don't get any kick out of it. When I get like that it starts to bother me that I spend a small car payment on my nails and hair every month. I'm pretty conservative with money in every other phase of my life. When I'm in one of those "pink fog" periods the money doesn't bother me a bit. But, when I'm out of it and I'm still spending a little here to have my brows waxed, a little there for a mani/pedi, a little somewhere else to have my hair colored, a little at another place for a cut or a style... it adds up to a tidy sum. It'd be one thing if I was really getting something out of it, but often I'm just doing it to stay in the game, or at least ready to go in.

I wish I had an answer to your question. Sometimes I wish it'd either come or go and stay that way.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I mean, I wonder if thoughts of not passing is what dampens the joy of expressing femininity for some people, and if this is why they lose gusto for being femme for awhile?

I don't know ... that's why I've started this thread. :p

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I don't even try to pass now that my wife has passed on! When she was alive and I dressed as Stephanie, she did my makeup and fixed my wig so that I was passable! Since she is gone, I don't even try to pass, but I still do dress enfemme a lot of the time! And yes, I do go out in public dressed enfemme but looking exactly like the man that I am!!

But I have stopped dressing enfemme, for 5 years in the past, and do now for weeks at a time. I control my life, not the way I dress. If I feel like dressing I may do it, or I may not. My mind is not controlled by the clothing I have on, or that is available to me. I put on clothing that I think is going to be most comfortable for me in the situation that I am going to be in. I usualy dress enfemme when I have nothing special planned, like maybe going out to eat. Guess maybe I am one of the weird ones??

I must admit, that i am super sensitive, with sensitive conscience. I have had a guilt complex my whole 56 yrs, and, am the black sheep baby of the family, forced to move back to family of origin, (HELL). If i know i have to be with my rejecting, hostile dad, i cannot dress for a few days. I suspect my brothers and dad all have deep sex hangups, and leg fetishes, like i do. They do not respect me at all, and may have sexual things concerning me. I do not like the idea of them ever seeing me dressed up, and lusting for me! Sometimes, if i got to be around religious folks, i abstain for days, too.

I'm not sure who said it, but there's definitely an ebb and flow. Lately I've been flooded with femme desires. But thats been the trend for the past few years.
I've come out to a lot of people in my life recently and the love I've gotten back has been amazing. gotta go


to be continued................

It is only in recent years that I have come to realize the origin of my interest in dressing, or wearing some female clothing. I started when I was 13 or 14 and would wear panties and other purloined clothing. I got caught and embarrased and that stopped that, at least in the practise end. After high school came college, military a wife and a career and no dressing to speak of. Wore panties for a while during married years but there wasn't any desire to dress. In the last 3 or 4 years though my interest has increased and I only dress at home and do it when I feel like it which is now most evenings after my day is over, but it is not an obsession. It is more of a way to relax also.
. What became clear for me though is that I did dress only during times when I had no relationship, and it was clear at some point that I began because there was no mother in my life (so I made a cloth substitution). My parents worked in jobs requiring them to be away when I was home and they were there when I was asleep. So the ebb and flow is really part of the psychology of my life and the lack of a female in it--a mother when young, a wife or other female companion as an adult. Though I do have a lady friend now, I still find that I like dressing, more so since my hormones after surgery have gone haywire, and a medication gave me gynecomastia. Now my cup nearly runneth over. The other odd thing I discovered was during a whole lifetime, when I would be in a store, I would unconsciously walk down the isles in the women's dept and look at the clothing without realizing that there was something there in the back of mind. SO while I substituted clothing for a parent and it simply went away when I was in a realtionship--and I wasn't subservient by any means--there is still something there that says it was not just psychology. And. of course, there was always the embarrasment and the bad feelings attached to dressing that may have unconsciously kept me from doing it.. Otherwse not dressing seemed to be voluntary and it was something I didn't need. I had basically a voluntary 40 year hiatus.
I'm a regular guy with lots of things to do and every day is too short.

I haven't fully dressed up in a year and a half but I do wear heels everyday... My clothing of choice to stay in contact with my fem self I suppose.. I do miss it but my situation is set that I can't at this time dress as I would like.. I'll live with it..

I stopped crossdressing for a year since I only had one outfit. Recently I've started again, still with only one outfit. I did intense endurance cycling all summer (my legs are relatively perfect now) and my natural brown hair has grown out androgynously. I've also learned how to do ultra cute make-up. Although testosterone has killed a bit of my youth, it's still fun. :)

Hi Reine. I think that the urge to CD hits everyone differently. I've never really dressed for the past forty years, a bit here and there, and just started feeling the need to dress completely. To answer some of your questions, for me the urge is always there but it ebbs and flows. It can be in the background for a period of time but eventually reaches a point where it has to come out in some form. Without making light of it, I kind of view it like my craving for ice cream. I like ice cream, but can go months without eating any. Sometimes that craving means that if I go down the ice cream aisle while shopping - I buy some. Sometimes that craving means that I will go out in the pouring rain to the local ice cream shop to get some. Why - I don't know.

Second, and I don't know if this is typical or not, I like to do a lot of "manly" things that make me feel great as a guy. When I am doing these things I'm not doing them in the frame of reference as crossdresser. I'm just doing them because I like them. That is not to say that once I crawl out from under the car or come in out of the woods the urge to CD doesn't come back at whatever level it happens to be at that time. I think that the urge to CD is just a separate piece of the whole me.

Finally, "the love of a woman" an "parental responsibilities" have a lot to do with it in my case. I have been married for twenty years and adore my wife and family. I recently broached the subject with her and would have done so before we were married had my urge to dress been anything like what it has become recently. She understandably did not take it well and doesn't want to know about it or talk about it at this time. As I said earlier, this urge has to come out though. I hope that we can maintain some equilibrium but while I might try to stop and succeed for awhile, the urge is always there.

Hope that this helps a little and thank you for your posts. They bring great perspective to alot of these issues.

Debby

I find that summer i don't dress or even underdress as often due to wearing shorts and sandals and summer it just seems more busy around the house. Still seem to find away to dress once a week. As soon as fall starts the pantyhose are on every day, and seeing the woman wearing pantyhose again gives me more reason to dress. All my life when i thought something was wrong with me because i enjoyed wearing woman clothing. I would throw away all my stuff. With in the next few days i would buy a pair of pantyhose again. When i got married i thought that was it, but it got worse now i was in a room full of woman clothing.

Reine, it's been almost 2 years since I have gone out dressed and have dressed at home only a few times to take some pics of my hair, to post here. As you know my wife had a brain aneurism/stroke and that has put a serious damper on going out.

Yes, I do think that "not being passable" contributes, because sadly, the last time I went out, 2 years ago, some guy just laughed me to derision as I walked by and I think that affected me far more than I thought it would.

Also being overweight has kept me from enjoying wearing the majority of cloths I have. Economics also plays a major part. We used to go to a hotel where I would get dressed and go out to a botanical garden, but we cant really afford to now.

It's not that the desire has gone completely and I do think about it often, it's just the emotional drive to find a way, just isn't there. Maybe that's called depression.

I do have a wonderful and realistic way of expressing my feminity by having my hair long and styling it femme all the time. I am so glad that I have been able to do that even at work (minus the clips and barrets of course!)

My Angel's support, this forum and having friends like you here helps me a lot.

Hiya ReineD

I did not start CD until I was around 35 years old. I have been divorced 14 years now. I live alone in my own house. I have a teenage daughter that stops by for dinner one day each week (if I’m lucky). I have no other family in this state. I have no SO. I’m self-employed and aside from a couple of hours a day meeting clients, I am home and free to do whatever I want. My house is ridiculously fortified with security equipment including 6 cams & motion sensors outside displayed on an office monitor system ( In short, I can dress 24/7 with no chance of any surprises). I have never “purged”, as the logic in that exercise escapes me.

I do not have the “drama” attached to my CDing that many here seem to wrestle with on a daily basis. I am not transitioning into anything, or confused, or frustrated, or trapped, or following a course/agenda, or “progressing”, or interested in lobbying for a cause, or lonely, or defensive, or gender dysphoric, or feel any motivation to “come out”, or suffer any “withdrawal” or anxiety when not crossdressing. I just do what feels right and adjust accordingly to any circumstances as needed. :thumbsup:

There have been a few extended times I have decided to abandon all CD behavior. I do not feel there is any type of “cycle” attached to those times. They were all based on adjusting to the individual circumstances present at the time. Here is a brief recap of those periods…

- when I was married (4 years), I did CD, but only in my hotel room while traveling (I was out of state Mon-Fri every week). My wife was never aware of anything.

- When I got divorced, I began custody of my 2 year old daughter every Sat-Mon. I rarely did any CD when alone, and never did during times my daughter was here. Life was just too busy dealing with all of the responsibilities at that time.

- Back in 93’, I completely abstained for about 1.5 years, when I was doing a turn-around operation and rebuilding/managing a flailing corporate branch facility with 80 employees. I was working 12 hours/day, 7 days/week and had no time for anything else.

- Somewhere around 97’?…I decided I needed a few weeks away from my computer and the insanity of the Internet. I shut it down, and before I knew it, 2 years had passed by with no Internet connection. During that time I returned to playing tennis and accepted a job creating a new national equipment re-sale division for a huge leasing company. That was about a two year hiatus from CD that was self-imposed, mainly due to extensive demands of work.

- In 99’ I took on a project orchestrating the buy-out/takeover of 7 independent companies here in Denver by a National Company based in California. That was about 6 months of total abstinence.

I left the corporate world for good after that project and have been an “entrepreneur” ever since. I began dressing about 24/7 again at that time. That was about 10 years ago and I have not had any “gaps” to date.

I always enjoy my “male-ness” or whatever you want to call it. I have no plans to “stop” or modify my CD interests. If I became intimately involved with a GG SO, I would not feel compelled to “share it” with her. If it posed a significant obstacle in that relationship, I would abandon all CD interests, and not suffer any regrets or inner drama. I adapt well to whatever strategy keeps my daughter, myself, and if applicable…a SO happy in life.

~And I all lived happily ever after,~
No End..

:love:

My urge to dress comes in waves. Its always there in my mind but sometimes I have had breaks of several months.....and that's when I put on weight:sad:

I've just come back into a CD'ing phase at the moment and dress 1-3 times a week (only during the day, at home).

I have a lot less 'gear' these days and dress for comfort not style....plus I'm nearly two stones heavier since my last break...see what I mean;)

The opportunity to dress comes and goes when one is married, has children, a career, etc.

The desire to dress comes and goes -- never completely goes away -- but, for me, it is very much influenced by the amnount of stress in my life. More stress = more desire to dress.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eluuzion

I do not have the “drama” attached to my CDing that many here seem to wrestle with on a daily basis. I am not transitioning into anything, or confused, or frustrated, or trapped, or following a course/agenda, or “progressing”, or interested in lobbying for a cause, or lonely, or defensive, or gender dysphoric, or feel any motivation to “come out”, or suffer any “withdrawal” or anxiety when not crossdressing.

I always enjoy my “male-ness” or whatever you want to call it. I have no plans to “stop” or modify my CD interests. If I became intimately involved with a GG SO, I would not feel compelled to “share it” with her. If it posed a significant obstacle in that relationship, I would abandon all CD interests, and not suffer any regrets or inner drama. I adapt well to whatever strategy keeps my daughter, myself, and if applicable…a SO happy in life.
:love:

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These two paragraphs sum it up almost PERFECTLY for me. I've just come out of a two-year period where I had NO desire to dress. I simply found another hobby as an outlet that superseded ANY desire in me to let "Dawna" surface. All the usual triggers and trappings were still all around me, but I was deep enough into what I was doing that I used THAT as an escape.

I'm not all that into my hobby (for the time being), and Dawna wants to play. She HASN'T as of yet, but there are plans in the making...

Lastly, when I'm in a relationship with a woman, Dawna goes bye-bye all on her own. I don't suppress anything...the usual "triggers" just aren't strong enough for me to call Dawna back...