Quit threatening me and just do it! (That would be awesome)

I do not get along with my inlaws at all. They would smile if I were to get hit and killed by a bus. Most of the time we can tolerate each other, but often a small thing will pop up and then they use it as an excuse to attack me over my crossdressing. They know about my crossdressing. My wife was understandably upset at me (I admit I was a jerk, but didn't warrant expousure) one night and told her parents about me. That was 11 years ago and they constantly try to get my wife to leave me.

Recently, we lost power for a week due to a bad ice storm and my inlaws invited my wife and the kids to stay with them. My wife initially said no, since we are a family and a family stays together. So they allowed me to stay as well. I posted to my friends on facebook (my inlaws are NOT nor will they ever be on my facebook) "Help, stuck at inlaws! I need a Hero!" Well they somehow found out about that a few days ago.

My mother inlaw was pissed to find that out and called me up and threatened to call my work and tell them I crossdress. Now I explained to her that it was done mostly as a joke, and told her I appreciate her letting us stay with her for a week. Who really wants to stay with the inlaws for a whole week? She even admits that she doesn't like her inlaws, but of course this is a different situation since I am married to her daughter. Still she insisted on telling my work. I gave her the number to my direct supervisor.

Everytime we face a conflict she threatens to tell people about me. Like I am ashamed? I am not. I hope she finally does go through with the threat and really do call me boss. I am a public employee for the state of Ohio and work for the city of Dayton. I am covered under Ohio law:

Ohio House Bill 176 Sec. 9. 03. Paragraph C Subparagraph 1c:

(c) Promotes illegal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity as those terms are defined in section 4112.01 of the Revised Code, race, color, religion, national origin, handicap, age, or ancestry;

That would be AWESOME if they did fire me for being trans/crossdress! I would never have to work a day in my life again!!!!!

If she did call my boss, my boss wouldn't do anything about it anyway. Who would take a call like that seriously? My cousin is an army recuiter and he constantly gets anomalous calls about new recuits being gay/transgendered to keep them from joining (parents, girlfriends, enemies call trying to keep them out). My cousin just ignores them.

My dad is a Human Resource manager for a major company in SW Ohio and he gets several calls a month about someone is gay or a drug dealer or even a hooker. My dad just ignores them and doesn't waste any time investigating.

My job won't waste anytime either; but it would be awesome if they did and do in fact fire me for being trans.

Amber

Wow. that is some family you got there, in all of this years, and all we have fought about, my wife would never out me like that. You can thank the whole mess on her.
As far as mother-in law, I would have to tell to be sure to say good bye to the grand kids first, because she wouldn't be seeing them again. But then, that's just me.
Tina B

Wow nice inlaws

It cant be easy when they keep trying this

I do hope they stop threatining you with exposure since you offered them the number

It reminds of the actor Omar Sharif who was caught in a photographs with a lady
The said "we have pics of you" his reply was good can I have a dozen of each

Well done to you on being brave enough to give them the number

With in-laws like that who needs enemies! I think I would REALLY remember THEM come next Christmas!Like not!

Amber,

It makes me sad, that your inlaws are such horrible outlaws. If I were you, I would just tell them that work already knows wether they do or not, then tell the outlaws that you would be glad to tell THEIR friends that you crossdress. But in reality, you would be better off not having anything to do with them.

Kelly

Cynthia Anne probably said it best! If you have in-laws like that you certainly don't need any other enemies!! I was very fortunate in my in-laws, who are now both deceased! They did not know that I am a crossdresser, but would have not cared!! I was more of a son than a son-in-law!! Unfortunately, not everybody gets in-laws like that!!

Next time they threaten you , tell them go ahead work already knows. In fact I helped write their diversity program for transgender employees . Of course you need to say it nonchalantly.

Wow, I thought I had bad inlaws!

They just want to get a reaction from you. Don't give them the pleasure.

Policies at my workplace are such that in theory cross-dressing on the job should be okay. But the local leader holds grudges, and would hold a grudge not about me cross-dressing but about me disrupting work for however long it took people to get accustomed to it. If someone were to call in and try to make a fuss about it, then it wouldn't be me doing the disrupting, so it would free me up to go ahead and dress on the job. Well, dress more obviously.

Yikes! It sounds like your in-laws' opinions are completely one sided. I'm glad I was never threatened with exposure But if I had been I don't think it would have made much difference because I worked for public utility which was very diverse and transgender friendly. I think the majority of employers are that way now because of anti descrimination laws.

:Maybe get a Lawyer to write them a letter; that legally bashing and threating someone
is both harassment and bulling, both against the law. Maybe a Peace bond might be the
ticket. What ever, a free consult might give you piece of mind.:2c:

Hah! No one likes their in-laws... I could go on for hours *grumble grumble* This situation is quite a bit different than most I hear though. Perhaps if she did go through and call your boss, work would be a lot more enjoyable for you knowing you could dress the way you want all day?

Amber, at the risk of sounding like a b$&@h, i have to ask how old you are? Judging from your avatar, you are over 18. Who owns your life? With a relationship like you have with your inlaws, it would have been a cold day in Hell ( or Ohio) when i spent a night there. It's your bus - drive it!

There are a couple of ways of delaing with inlaws from hell: ignore, or confront. You confronted and called ma-inlaw's bluff and apparently she didn't make the call. Now you can ignore. What this relationship needs is distance.

Check your state law or call a lawyer in your state, but threatening someone like that may qualify as extortion, or blackmail. If you fine out it is, you might be in the drivers seat.



http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com.../extortion.htm

I'll second Nicole's opinion. When times get better, I would suggest finding a new job or transferring out of state. I don't think you can ever win, nor even have peace; as long as you have close proximity. Everytime they want to "gang up" on you, they will all do that, 'cause it's Family! (Try to imagine who told your Mamma-In-Law about that Facebook Comment)

Perhaps if you can create enough distance, you can minimize all the confrontations down to a bearable level. Good Luck!

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. I shouldn't have to remind you, but NEVER add fuel to The Fire! Putting that Info on Facebook.....a very Bad Idea! Don't ever let anything negative get connected with your Bad-Self.

That's the right response: GO AHEAD. What you're learning is they're probably empty threats.
Now I'd follow up with your FB friends: "ok, who ratted to my my M-in-law?"

Good for you , stand your ground!! My wife spent 10 years giving me empty threats that she was going to expose me.My answer everytime? Just go right ahead!! If anyone who is against Cding more than the Cder themself is and un accepting family member. Why because they fear embarrassment and they don't want their perfect image tarnished ..

What your in-laws are doing is emotional blackmail. You don't do that to family or to the ones you love. You need stop having contact with them!

Once an ass, always an ass. I had inlaws like that once long time ago. Had emphasized.

Oh My Goodness! I read stories like these and count my lucky stars that I got the inlaws I have. I actaully get along better with my MIL than I do with my real mother. Anyway, your MIL is making empty threats. She doesn't understand CDing, isn't willing to try, and feels in some childish way that you've wronger her daughter. She's also probably feeling ashamed of herself for some reason or another over the topic, and therefore will not call your boss. Even if you call her and plead with her to do so. I don't know if I make other threats toward her or not. I'd like to say i wouldn't...but the withholding grandkids thing is pretty freaking good, IMO. Okay...there might be a dark side in me somewhere.

Let's look at the plusses here. Your wife knows, and is still married to you, so that means she accepts YOU! Your MIL cannot take her away from you. Your MIL also can't focus on your job since you're pretty well protected there. Lastly, your house is, of coarse, your house. So, you only have to make it as inviting to your in laws as they made their house to you. As I recall...they didn't invite you at the beginning of the power outage.

I have considered moving away, but I can't get the type of pay or benefits that I get here with this standard of living. My kids do love their granna and I am not going to take them away from her. It used to bother me a lot with the way they treat me; and used to be nervous about their 'blackmail'. Now, I know it is an empty threat, because if she outs me, it would embarrass her; having a son in law that crossdresses. I just wish she would either do it, or drop it.

Also, if work did find out about me and believed it, it would not be in my best interest to dress up. Legally I would be allowed to, but I drive busses for the city and it would not be safe to be dressed as a woman while being in the worst areas of the city at 130am. Side note: Things are not be looking too good at my current job; however, and I am considering going back to school and finish my psychology degree. I wouldn't mind being a gender therapist.... at least I can 'dress up' for job.

And yes, no matter what your privacy settings are and who is blocked from looking at your profile, there is still ways for people to see what is on facebook. I still think it was a funny joke. Seriously? How often do inlaws get along with their daughter's husband? Rare.

You don't have to deal with them, but remember that they are your wife's family. Try not to your friction with them interfere with your wife's relationship with them. That's only fair.

That posting on facebook wasn't nice. You were under their roof and you should have been grateful that at least your family was warm. Never assume that simply because someone is old that they aren't connected.

Next time, send your wife home and find your own accommodations. It's cheaper in the long run.

And, if they intentionally seek you out to give you grief, remind them that you will likely play a major role in selecting their eventual assisted living facility. Nurse Ratched, anyone?

Um... let me get this straight. Even if after being convinced to do so by your wife, your inlaws let you stay at THEIR house while the snowstorm knocked out your power.

So you make such a joke? How about instead of something like that you say how grateful you are that your inlaws saw through your crossdressing and let you stay. There are times you need to lay down your defenses, and be grateful for the assistance enemies offer. That is how amends are made.

Yes though, your inlaws sound like biggots. They need to do some growing up.

my g/f told her mom.. she was actually quite accepting..


Sorry to hear that you have such close minded in laws..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Xandria

Sorry to hear that you have such close minded in laws..

---

Closed mindedness runs deep in the older generations. Both of my parents were great depression and WW2 children and my late mother was somewhat tolerant, but I wouldn't go so far as to say she was accepting. My late father was a bigots bigot and had no tolerence and very vocally had no tolerence for the gay/lesbian, bi, or transgendered.

I think it is all summed up in your own statement.
It used to bother me a lot with the way they treat me; and used to be nervous about their 'blackmail'. Now, I know it is an empty threat, because if she outs me, it would embarrass her; having a son in law that crossdresses. I just wish she would either do it, or drop it.

I don't think that anything will ever by said because it would bring shame upon her. Blackmail can work both ways.

I tend to agree with Gillian. Many years ago, I overheard my wife telling her sister that she'd found a number of pairs of high heeled pumps in size 8 1/2 (my size). Yes, they were mine - my wife takes a size 6, and never wears heels. I never heard more about it. Several times I've noticed my heels moved around a bit, so I know she's been into them. At one point she thought I was having an affair, and I told her I had bought them and they were mine. She dropped the subject. I know it would probably be better if things were completely resolved, but she seems content to just let it go by undiscussed. If she's accepting of my CD'ing but simply doesn't wish to discuss it.....well, I guess that's Ok...... for now..... until she wants to know more about it.

Cheers,

Linda

At the risk of being the Bad Witch of the east...I agree with Pythos.

They were kind to let you stay. Then you gave them the bullet to shoot you with.

The way you handle mean people is kill them with kindness. Don't live if to there bad image of you!

And no matter with the law says....if someone at work knows, somehow the wrong person at work with hear..then you will have an enemy there too!

Em

Whoa, they would threaten to tell your employers, make you run the risk of losing your job and thus not be able to support your kids? Awesome grandparenting skills! Very well thought out.

I told my MIL that I wore what I wanted when I wanted and if she didn't like it she could move out....and she did. I also told her I didn't marry her I married her daughter and that was the one thing she did right in her whole life. Funny she sends me emails now telling me how much she misses me

my In-Laws dont know I crossdress,but I am sure they would be ok with it (don't plan to test the theory tho) sounds like your mother in law lives up to the old 70s Mother in Law jokes

i take a different approach or thinking...

we need to help educate folks... asking then to accept us girls at face value is HUGE amount to ask.... keep in mind, what people see and are exposed to is quite sensationalized and often on the negative aspects of entertainment (e.g. reality tv... no pun intended here)... might I remind everyone of Jerry Springer... people only see 'hooker' like pictures of us, websites, something sexual, etc.... not all great points of view if that is what you are seeing and hearing. In some ways, we play a mockery to women at face value. So empathy may be a larger part of what we need to do and be thoughtful of where people are coming from.... too easy for us to judge as well

on another note, i think we will find that there is no such thing as privacy or secrecy any more as posted on the internet... including this response. Each of us should make sure you are protecting what identification and 'secrecy' you want to keep. Why make your situation worse than is needed less willing to face the consequences

lastly, an old adage that i once learn and i think still applies today... if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say at all. Its hard to know how people will interpret especially if they already have an 'issue' that they can pick on. Why fuel the fire.

Realize the above is not the answers that most would want to hear but i thought worth a different point of view....

I have family members (on my own side, not my wife's) that are particularly atrocious individuals. After years of inner struggle, I finally came to the conclusion that the only way for my self to be happy was to cut the connection to the toxic environment they presented. After cutting them out of my life permanently I was truly able to find my own happiness. Sometimes that is the only way. I don't think we can as people fundamentally change another person, and as long as they remain a part of your life, this will always be an issue. I wish you luck!