could do with some advise

I am a cd but started dressing on a later age , i do not have any early experience , that brought me to dress, I have a very loving wife , who has made me 2 dresses, and helped me buying underwear, corset, skirts tops panty hose and stockings , she allows me to dress 5 days per week, has given me all the clothing she doesn't want any more but as she said she is not interested and really prefers me not to dress , is it me who have not been able to explain enough , so she can accept it better , or is it possible that she does allow me just because she loves me so much , please any advise is welcome

You are lucky to have a wife who loves you for you. My wife is also supportive but of couurse she wouldnt want me to be dressed up all the time. She wouldnt want me to play video games all the time either. :)

She probably loves you very much and wants to support you and make you happy. However, if she is like most wives, it is still something she really does not like (hates?) and really wishes you didn't dress

It sounds like your wife certainly loves you enough to help you and let you dress and wants to understand it , but maybe she is having a bit of conflicted issues with the way she was brought up or the environment that she was brought up in which may effect some of us older ones more than the younger ones of to day ( although i am only guessing that you are both older more than younger) sorry if i am wrong, try to get your wife to talk about it and let her give her honest opinion on it to you and you do the same back as it is far better to know how you both feel about it than to guess it .

I have been dressing for a while and while my wife is understanding she still prefers me in drab.

Hey you have better than most of us. Most wives would leave or throw away our stuff away. Not sure how long ago you told her but you have to take what she gives you. She has made your a couple dresses and helped you shop.Thats a great start Be happy at the times you do dress and stop dwelling on the negative of when you cant't as much unless you really want to this alone. I can tell you alone is not as fun as when you can share something with a lovely lady as your wife is. I wish mine would help me shop or make me a dress. Enjoy your girl time. Best wishes.

Beam, not sure what the problem is, you say she allows you to dress 5 days a week, she helps you shop, and makes dresses for you, I'm not sure how much more you could ask for. I have a very accepting wife, she also helps me shop, buys me blouses and things, and lets me dress most of the times, without feeling guilty about it. But she does not get involved with the act of my dressing, it's not her thing, it's mine. I don't get involved with her dressing either. We are not intimate when I'm dressed, she likes to make love to a man, not a woman, but then I knew that about her when I married her, in fact I liked that about her. We hang out, watch TV, cook, play video games, and everything other families do, I just do it in a skirt a lot of the time. We are friends, I may think of it as girl friends, but I think she just thinks, friends, it works for both of us. I would never ask her to do any more than that, and certainly nothing that she would feel uncomfortable doing, and she would never out me, or do anything to embarrass me. For us it's worked for almost 40 years.
Tina B.

Did you telll her that you was a CD when you two first met or some time later. If not why would she want you as a woman, after all she did marry a man.
I excaped all of this because I didnt lie to my bride, I told her I was a CD 24 yrs ago. In my wildest dreams that I even think I would have an Awakening.Yup born a TS abuse an brain hide the fact I was Transgendered. Not once in 50 yrs did I ever think I was a woman. So being said she married a man so did my wife. After a couple years of therapy an support mettings she is coming around. She is even looking forward to day that I get my final surgery. She has come to realize that I am a better person and the relationship is so far better me living my trueself than a lie.
She has promise for you, just dont push it, she might come around to you 100% just have Patience. After all when we TS get that dreaded Transsexualism, every therapist impleis you gain alot of Patience, because our process is so painfully slow.
Be happy with what your wife has given you so far, after all you did lie. Thats the way a woman will look at it. You betrade her from being a real man. Take it easy an slow and dont push, she will come around more. If not then be lucky with what you have already.
I would rather live within the marriage than force it.
good luck
Breena.

This probably sounds harsh, but it's intended as advice, not criticism.

Sounds like your wife is bending over backward to keep you happy. And it sounds like you're not hearing what she's telling you. She says that your dressing bothers her, and you're basically ignoring that and trying to figure out how to get her to let you do even more!

You need to back off a bit on your dressing and talk to her about what she needs from you too. Like it or not, if you're married, and you presumably love your wife, so you need to make your wife happy too. It's not a one-way street for your desires only.

Carol

I am going to be a bit harsher than Carol! Your wife married a MAN, not a woman! Maybe she knew you were a CD, but you were and are a MAN. She obviously does love you a lot, especially given that she has made an bought you feminine things. But still, she wants a man!! Back off on the crossdressing, and let her know that you are still her man in every way possible. I did that with my late wife, who knew I was a CD when we married, and we had almost 50 happy years together!! Marriage is always a 2 way street, and you need to remember that!!

Carol, Stephanie... Thanks for the reminder, we sometimes forget how special our SO is, especially when they are trying to help us be happy. Many of us slip up from time-to-time getting overly involved in ourselves. It sounds like beam's wife is really trying. A little space might make things better for both of them.

Wow, this is so interesting, I don't know what to suggest, are you wanting to dress more than 5 days?

I need advice on where to meet others near Charlotte North Carolina, other like minded ladies;) Anyone have any suggestions?

i could not tell her because by that time i didn't know myself, i have been dressing for about 10 to 15 years i have been married for 43

You need to back off a bit on your dressing and talk to her about what she needs from you too. Like it or not, if you're married, and you presumably lovfe your wife, so you need to make your wife happy too. It's not a one-way street for your desires only.

i'm very happely married, that's not what i asked , i wish she would have discusions with me about dressing but she wont

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Originally Posted by beam47

I am a cd but started dressing on a later age , i do not have any early experience , that brought me to dress, I have a very loving wife , who has made me 2 dresses, and helped me buying underwear, corset, skirts tops panty hose and stockings , she allows me to dress 5 days per week, has given me all the clothing she doesn't want any more but as she said she is not interested and really prefers me not to dress , is it me who have not been able to explain enough , so she can accept it better , or is it possible that she does allow me just because she loves me so much , please any advise is welcome

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Okay, so lemme get this straight...

She's given you her old clothes, buys clothes for you, and lets you dress 5 days a week... and you think she doesn't accept it? Obviously she accepts that it's part of who you are. Accepting something and liking it are two separate things. Stop trying to force her to like it, and instead make sure she knows she can ask you anything she wants about it. It opens the floor for discussion, so to speak, without forcing her into a discussion.

You've been married for 43 years, which is amazing. But what you're failing to realize is that marriage is based on compromise. You like dressing up, she doesn't like it. Could be because of her upbringing, or what she's been taught from her family, religion, etc. Again, stop trying to force her to like it. All you'll do is force her away from you.

I'm only 26, but I made the same mistake with my ex-fiancee. She knew that I dressed, and didn't care provided I didn't do it in front of her. I tied to push the issue in an effort to "bring us together". Instead, she walked because I was trying to force her into something she didn't like. If it were sex instead of my crossdressing, I would've been charged with rape. Think about that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by beam47

You need to back off a bit on your dressing and talk to her about what she needs from you too. Like it or not, if you're married, and you presumably lovfe your wife, so you need to make your wife happy too. It's not a one-way street for your desires only.

i'm very happely married, that's not what i asked , i wish she would have discusions with me about dressing but she wont

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You obviously think that you're happily married, but I'll bet your wife wouldn't say that she feels the same way.

In your original posting, you said "she said she is not interested and really prefers me not to dress", that means she would prefer that you not dress, what are you not grasping in that simple statement?? She's been putting up with you because she loves you, she's given way more than an inch and you want even more while disregarding the fact that you're making her unhappy. Classic pink fog, a wife makes some compromises when she discovers that her husband of xx years is a crossdresser, and the foolish husband thinks that her tolerance means that he can go crazy and dress as much as he wants without regard for anyone else.

You need to back off on the dressing, assure your wife that you are still her husband and that you love her. Then ask her if you two can work out a workable plan for dealing with your dressing that will be comfortable for the both of you.

It is easy to get caught up in our own thought and desires when it comes to dressing. Most of us have probably been guilty of it at some time. There is a reason why it is called a pink fog. I know a lot of girls who would kill to have the support and tolerance you have.

Repeating what others have said, you need to step back, slow down and take a very hard look at your situation. Trying reversing the situation. Think of something your wife could start doing that you would tolerate out of love, but would not like or understand or maybe even find a little disgusting or repulsive. She is aware of your feelings, but still does it 5 times a week in spite of that knowledge. You try to support her and participate in the best way you can. How would you feel if she wanted even more and wanted to force you to change your beliefs and emotions?

As others have said, and I'm going to put into slightly different terms, you are coming across being as ungrateful and selfish. It is about finding balance where both of you can happily live and tolerate, not a happy place for just one of you. It may not be a place where both of you are 100% happy, but it is a place where both of you are happy enough and it does not cause any damage. This is a constant process in a marriage and dressing is not an exception.

I will be a bit kinder and say if you two have been married for 43 years and this is the only big issue you have ever had between you, you must be doing something right!

One thing I wonder, if you only started dressing and having these feelings 10 years ago, what got you interested in dressing? Transvestism is a double-edge sword at best (and a curse at worst), not something most would want to have to try to wield.

I really don't know what made me try to dress but once i did it i liked it , don't mis understand me , eventhough she allows me 5 days a week , it usual doesn't happen that often because after a 12 hour working day the only thing i want to do is put my feet up, so i'm not overdoing it what i would really like to know ( and what i really asked for ) is I would like to discuss this with her , and without forcing her , how can i do that ,

It seems that it was one big missunderstanding in this thread, the only thing i got out of it is that i must be very selfish, wrong , I'm not, I did say " I'm allowed to dress 5 days a week , I did not say that i do,after a 12 working day i'm usual happy to have dinner and sit down and relax and yes my wife made me some dresses and yes she helped me buying stuff, but i wont mention it to her untill she has found what she is looking for and then only if we can afford it and i didn't
dress when we got married ,so i could not tell her , i did not start till I was over 40 . So this cleared up , i will ask my question again how can i , without upsetting her , start a conversation about dressing , the last thing i want to do is upset her, but i would like to show her that this dressing of me is as far as it goes , i'm not interested to become a female , i like to be a male , I'm happy with breast forms , don't need real ones , I just enjoy the comfort from the female clothes , some of you might think this not possible , but that's your opinion , so the issue at hand is how do I talk to her as she is not incline to listen when it concerns cross dressing . I hope that haven't offended any one and that our moderator will let me place this again

Hi Beam, I read your last thread and some good advice given to you..maybe not in areas you wanted.. along with some who are jealous that you have at least this much from a somewhat supportive wife. Its great that you did tell her after you discovered this side of you..

So what do you do to have a discussion about your crossdressing? Hope I got that part right, that its what you want to know.

Obviously you had some type of talk with her to let it all out.. and she is showing what she is willing to accept and support.. so maybe simply tell her that you would like to talk about it..and see what she says.. but as much as she respects what you NEED, you will have to respect her if she says that its a topic she can't talk about. I have a feeling will give you a chance to explain yourself.. but be aware of her tone and mannerism. You have so much more then others can only hope for.. don't let that get away from you..

I hope this helps..

Hugs,
Marissa

Beam, it is always sad when I read that someone wants to talk and discuss a serious subject and the other party does not want that. It just seems so unfair to me, whatever the subject. However, her finding out about your dressing later in life must have been a shock for her, but that still, in my opinion, does not give her the right to shut down any further discussion of the matter. That being said, which does not solve your problem nor offer a possible solution, I offer this. Maybe you could start therapy alone, if she will not join you, to try to understand where this may be taking you and to work on your relationship issues. Then let your wife know that the therapy is important to you and that since you cannot discuss it civilly with her because she has told you that she won't, you are going to an independent professional to talk about it. What that does, in my opinion, is to show her that you are serious about talking about it, you are serious about the importance of your relationship with her and are working to make that relationship work. She may not like that that you are seeing a therapist, but she will get a clear message. Hopefully, that will motivate her to open up more with you over time, and please give her time to digest all that. I see the therapy as a tool and professional assistance to help both of you improve your communication skills. With no communication, relationships are doomed to a very boring and possibly very frustrating experience and many fail over time because of that. So, maybe a third party can help you. Good luck.

Hello Beam

Maybe this thread will help you:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...l-your-partner

Good luck.

Beam, I agree that you should be able to talk to your wife about your cding, just as she should feel free to discuss any concerns she may have. The best advice is to keep trying to communicate even it means expressing yourself in ways that might be a bit agitating. Your cding is far too important to be an unspoken issue in the marriage between you and your life partner.
Frankly, it sounds as though she needs to talk about your dressing as much as you do. Communication is the key to acceptance.

Good luck,
Tanya

If your wife simply does not what to talk about it or not very often then unfortunately you can`t make her , the only thing i could suggest is that when one of the moments comes that your wife is with you when out shopping and you have found what you are looking for or when she gives you the clothing that she has made or helping you to do things, just ask " can we talk about this some time" then depending on your answer you go from there , i know it can be a bit awkward to start a conversation on it sometimes by both parties but in the end if one just simply does not want to talk about it then that is how it will have to be as some people can cope with things providing that they do not have to confront it by talking about it.

To all of you who gave me advise, many thanks, i haven
t found the solution yet, but got a bit closer, thanks again

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Originally Posted by beam47

To all of you who gave me advise, many thanks, i haven
t found the solution yet, but got a bit closer, thanks again

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Beam im a member of this forum and have been for 2 years I joined after reading over my partners shoulder for 6 months as he has been a member here for a while... I was interested in what he did and how he interacted here.... although I knew about his CDing way before we got into a relationship which is kool....

I always believe that communication is utmost imperative so you all know what page you are on and how comfortable you are with each other with regards to your CDing... frrom what I have read re what you have posted shes supportive.... your question is on how can you discuss this with her with out upsetting...her....

my best piece of advice is to start your conversation on that you would like to broach the subject of your dressing and have a discussion with her, and that you dont want to upset her but not sure how she would take this discussion....
she could say ok... then proceed....but if you find she is unwilling perhaps my other piece of advice...will help

my other piece of advice... if shes very unsure of all this,.. there is in the forum a Place called the FAB (females at birth) just for the female partners of crossdressers dealing with all sorts and levels of things that one goes through with a cross dresser,... it also helps them to get their heads round a lot of things that perhaps they cant discuss with anyone else....trying to understand yourself.

Try and perhaps suggest she either over your shoulder read, or get her to join up and then contact one of the Moderators being either Sandra, ReineD, DI, AlexisGG. they all have in their signatures on their profiles about joining the FAB forum ...

also tell her shes NOT alone in this.... we are here to help all.... good luck

Irene shesadvl yup thats me:battingeyelashes: