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Quite often the topics of:
Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?
How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?
Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?
amongst others of this nature, arise.
Well here is a sticky for those type of responses to help those who are starting on the journey of the big wide world and how to behave in those areas. Feel free to comment, adding your own experiences both good and bad.
a sticky is a greatidea.
When out en femme I use the female bathroom. I couldn't imagine going into the male bathroom dressed as a female.
I have used the ladies room in many public places including Cowboys Stadium and the Texas State Capitol building and I've never had a problem.
as to which bathroom i use: i use the one as per how i am dressed.
how to act: act as you belong there. just going pee,and freshen up the makeup.
is it legal: yes it is at least here in California...but watch out for some girls they can make trouble (not as in the Mc D's thing).
so far no problems but then i have only used the loo, in trans friendly places. of if in a public place a one off locked door loo.
never heard more than one time and it was "the coast is clear" (one woman to another. another group of people.)
so i can say i have had no bad things happen.
Loni
.
I use the ladies room 100% of the time when dressed, which is nearly 100% of the time. It's all attitude, if you believe you belong there and act like you do then no problems. I do not think it's legal here but when ya gotta go, and with a 57 year old prostate I gotta go a lot. I have even had other ladies strike up conversations with me in the ladies room and all felt normal. Just girl talk kind of stuff.
I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme, I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.
Which Bathroom/Restroom do you use?
In order of preference;
1) Neither
2) Family/Unisex
3) Women's
How should I act in the female bathroom/restroom?
Unless you are extremely passable and *confident*, act like the invisible woman.
Is it legal to use the femal bathroom/restroom?
Maybe/Maybe not. Check local laws. Even if it is legal, the more important question is whether it's a good idea? It's not always safe.
The best thing you can do is plan ahead, and avoid the need to use the restroom altogether. If that fails, the next best thing to do is plan ahead, and know where all the unisex/family restrooms are located. Use them if at all possible.
I've used the women's restroom often without any trouble. *But*, I do my best to make sure no one else is inside when I do. If someone else comes in while I'm there, I stay in the stall until they either a) enter a stall, or b) leave. I've managed to only encounter other women a few times.
Given that I do not go out in public dressed, it is a non-issue for me. However, in the short time I have been a member in the forum, I have read several bathroom threads out of curiousity as they have popped up here and there. I have to admit, I have mixed feelings on the issue. On the one hand, there is a reason why there are seperate bathrooms for males and females in society. Both men and women, in using the bathroom of their true gender, have an expectation of privacy that such bathrooms will be occupied only by people of the same gender. I would imagine that some may be upset, or somehow feel violated if they knew a member of the opposite sex was in the bathroom with them, no matter how innocent the intentions of that person of the opposite sex were. On the other hand, taking a MtF crossdresser, for example, it does not really seem to be a desirable option to use the men's bathroom, as that may present other problems in and of itself. I know that if I did go out dressed in public, I certainly would not want to use a men's bathroom. Obviously, a family or unisex bathroom seems to be an ideal solution, but such bathrooms are not always readily accessible. I am not saying that I am opposed to the idea, but I am not really sold on it, either. For a person transitioning to the oppostite sex, it is clear cut in my mind that it is acceptable. And just because something is legal, or not unlawful, does not necessarily mean it is acceptable. Of the posts I have seen, however, I have not really noticed any members that are in opposition to the proposition that it is acceptable to use such bathrooms when presenting as the opposite sex. There may be those that oppose, and I may simply have missed the posts, or there may be those in the past that have posted their opposition, and I am simply too lazy to research it, but I would be interested in reading more about the moral or ethical argument of should use versus should not use on this issue.
I often feel creeped out and a little threatened in public men's rooms even when I'm dressed fully male. I do not feel more comfortable being around others of my same sex in there, and would be much happier to be able to use the women's room all the time. (Obviously, I don't when it is not appropriate.)
Single-stall, unisex or "family" bathrooms are far and away the best.
- Diane
As with any of the other 'females', I would much rather use the family restrooms, if accessible. What I try to do, is go scout out the store when I'm dressed fully male, and see what kind of bathrooms there are. That way you should be able to find out what kind of restroom service they have.
When fully dressed with makeup on I have used the womens'... fortunatuely most of them were one room and I had the place to myself... and they were nice...
ran across this site could be of some help.
a listing of safe bathrooms. and a way to include ones you know about.
and a booklet put out by the transgendered law center. titled, peeing in peace. a couple years out of date but good info.
Loni
.
Hi,
Well one thing is go to what ever loo you are dressed for. try not to use a male loo if your dressed as a woman tho some times its okay if the sign says men & woman as some do , over seas. we do have some here that are unisex. many of our large malls have male & womans , some shops have just one loo so ether can use them & most just have a toilet & wash hand basen .
For me im just another woman & use the womans & as to etiquet , what do many women do ...talk . so no proplems there,
... noeleena...
When dressed, I ALWAYS use the Ladies room, how would it look for a person wearing high heels, a dress, long hair and makeup to the 9's going into the Men's room ?
The only oddity I've encountered was 2 very Butch Females who glared at me HARD as I left. I'm not sure if they made me, or disliked me for the very "Straight Laced" and "Proper Southern Ladies" outfit that I was wearing, I'd like to think the former.
A note of caution, I never use the rest room where there are lots of children, this is asking for a confrontation with some redneck if I was made as a CD, so I avoid McD's and other fast food joints during Kiddies Play Time.
I will only use the Ladies Restrooms. WHY?!
As stated above...
Plus Like you have read if you use the men's room dressed most likely people Whom have not clocked you just might say "Hey that looks like a guy in drag"! and who knows what would happen then.
I have never had any problems using a ladies room. I have at movie theaters with young people and kids too. Never had anyone say anything to me. I waited in line at the mall to get into a bathroom and talked to the women (and complained about the long lines and the fact that men never have to wait). Now that was a fun conversation LOL.
BUT THE BIGGEST PIECE'S OF ADVICE I can give is this....
1) If you don't have a female or close to or a good sounding voice.... Try not to speak to anyone.
I would guess that that would be something that would not sit well with the women in there. Why? Well I would think that if your dressed to the 9s and look ok (even if you don't pass at all) the women would think that you at least are trying hard to look your best. There are women that looks more like a man then I do when I'm dressed as a man . So there is a very huge range of women out there that you and and will see in the ladies room , I know I don't pass 100% of the time and have been clocked in the ladies room but because I looked like I was not skulking around or sleazing around they accepted me there.
2) If you have any doubt on whether its legal or not check it out on the web or call you local Non-emergency police and ask them about it.
Just act like it's an everyday thing....(Which it is) then most likely you'll not have any prob's.
Does that mean you should not be aware of your surroundings NO , but you should be fine. There is always a chance that you might have a prob but for the mist part you won't.
Just remember Attitude Attitude Attitude!!!!!!!!
Now go out there and be THE BEST DAM WOMEN YOU CAN BE!!!!!!!!!
Always the ladies room when dressed.
I would prefer to deal with a woman being upset than with a couple of testosterone pumped homophobes in the men's room.
I did this for the first time last night (not counting being sent to the wrong restroom when I was 10). Yay! The biggest problem I had was being able to relax enough to actually pee. I have a shy bladder, which makes it difficult to go under normal circumstances. It took several minutes of zen-like meditation. Then there was the hassle of getting my layers back on right. Interacting with the young girl who came in as I was leaving was the least trouble I had. I just smiled and said 'hi', and she smiled back. Seeing as how she was only wearing a black corset, panties and a pair of fishnets, I didn't expect she would be very judgmental. :heehee:
I am in agreement with Wendy
I use the restroom based upon what Gender I present at the moment. if enfemme,
I do not hesitate to use the womens facilities...haven't had a bad expereience yet.
I used to suffer from bashful bladder too. One technique that works for me and some others is to do some math problems in my head or some other analytical thinking, as it seems to "distract" the part of the brain that makes you want to hold it in.
It is not all that uncommon among male bodied persons, and one reason I believe it is considered bad etiquette to have a conversation in a mens' room. Maybe it is some sort of leftover survival instinct men once had, the need to be alert and ready to run or risk be eaten or something, who knows.
If available, use the bathroom labeled for both, very often labeled as wheelchair friendly. Otherwise, the room labeled for the sex you are expressing. NYC has a statuate protecting this right to gender identity. However, use the room as anyone else of that gender would. Don't stand at the women's toilet, sit as any lady would. Feet front is the rule. Don't hang around, do your business, check your makeup and be gone. If you use discretion and show consideration you should be fine. I have gotten some looks, but I just smile and move on.
Dee :fairy1:
And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.
And for those who grew up in a cave, WASH YOUR HANDS.
Amen to that!
I know this is probably a stupid question but at this time of night, you think random things!!
When girls go to the toilet and are wearing a dress, do they just pull dress up around neck. Or do they pull it down to ankles (of course depends on dress if you can do this) or take it off completely and hang it up??
We pull our dress up to the waist.
And make sure it stays out of the toilet!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle_cd2006
Thanks, I forgot to add that little note and make sure not to get it caught in your panties when you pull them up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone
I pull it up to my wait as said above and some times I wrap part of it around my arm so I know it's not on the floor or in the toilet. Skirts are the same unless you have a very short skirt then it's easier. If you take of your dress that could be a prob. Plus of course you MUST sit and pee, But thats common sense lol.
LIke others here, I always use the ladies' loo when dressed and have never had a problem. (Once I got this smile and wink from a butch type -- I think she was hitting on me!) It's funny, but like Diane I am uncomfortable in a men's room. I've always preferred to pee sitting down. I try to direct the stream so that the tinkle can be heard, and always use toilet paper ... just like the other ladies.
.. and this takes practice with a long skirt!Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone
Colorado
transgender people are not required to “prove” they are transgender to use gender-segregated facilities
Maine
The Maine Human Rights Act prohibits discrimination in public accommodations, such as restaurants, based on, among other factors, gender identity or expressio
Iowa
trans people must be allowed to use the restrooms that match their gender identity
Rhode Island
11-24-2. Discriminatory practices prohibited:
No person,, of any place of public accommodation, resort, shall directly or indirectly refuse,, any of the accommodations, advantages, facilities, or privileges of that public place,, to any person on account of sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression,
Florida
Discrimination in places of public accommodation.
All persons shall be entitled to the full and equal enjoyment of the goods, services, facilities, privileges, advantages, and
accommodations of any place of public accommodation, inn, hotel, motel, restaurant, bar, establishments serving food or drink, bakery, grocery store, clothing store, beauty shop, travel service, park, zoo, amusement park, etc, etc...
Private or Public enterprises may not refuse service based upon race, creed, color, sex, physical, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression
Washington State
restroom access is to be afforded to individuals based on the gender a person asserts, or their gender identity
Washington DC
access should be based on a person’s gender identity or expression
Some cities, dated ordinances that ban people from using public restroom facilities “designated for the opposite sex.”
These ordinances are the exception rather than the rule, and — where they do exist — are rarely enforced.
While it is appropriate for transgender people to use restrooms that match their gender identity, remember to prioritize your own safety and be aware of the possibility of police harassment.
If you are arrested or cited due to public restroom usage, contact Lambda Legal right away.
http://www.lambdalegal.org/nhq
*Note*
Many states have pending legislation, scroll down and keep check on your state, many are not listed as this list is a year or so old. Click HERE
I know there are many states that have similar codes, if it's ok, when someone finds one, I'll c&p it here at the top so folks won't have to search.
If we get a comprehensive list, maybe it'll get a "sticky" status
When en femme I use the Lady's room. I have been lucky enough to bring a few GG's into the fold and they've been more than supportive and helpful and helped me when I first started going out in public. But the first time I went out in public (to the movies, to be exact), the I was so excited/nervous the bathroom thing didn't even cross my mind, and I foolishly drank the movie theater's jumbozilla, bucket of soda during a three hour movie. I was completely terrified! And when I got to the rest room and saw it was actually fairly busy I started weighing my options. (Can I hold it for another hour and a half? Suuuure. Maybe I'll just stand in this corner and stare at this movie poster until it gets less busy). To make a long story short I sucked it up and went in, did my business and rejoined my friend with nary a second glance. Since then using the Lady's Room has been second nature.
.... done *that*. Did manage to catch it before exiting the ladies room, but felt like I should have had the "rookie" sign on my forehead.Quote:
Originally Posted by Danielle_cd2006
Use the restroom for the gender your dressed. Don't make a big deal of it. Go in do your business and leave.
I agree, thats what I do.Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaDee
I wore a black skirt and corset to a Halloween party last year. The corset had a tie in the front as well as the back. The strings were rather long, and I didn't think to cut them off shorter, so they hung down pretty far. I went to the bathroom, and somehow managed to get the strings caught in my panties but over the top of my skirt. I didn't realize it until I came out and noticed there was a problem with the skirt. I started pulling on the string, and that's when I realized where the other end of it was. There were three or four people standing around as I attempted to make the adjustment, each one trying to be more witty than the next in their remarks. :oQuote:
Originally Posted by AlisonRenee
It's always good to be among friends. :straightface:
At the SCC in Atlanta:
Use the restroom of the gender u r presenting.:)
At Disneyland:
(By their staff). Do NOT get caught in a womens restroom!:Angry3:
At the DLV:
Use the restroom of the gender you're presenting. But also, USE COMMON SENSE! Because that mite NOT be a good idea! Depending on where u r and the circumstances!:eek:
Legally, this question is complicated as there is no right answer, In arizona a few years back they arrested a cd for using the women's restroom in a hospital {there position was that is was a type of fraud. In reality you should try to go as the gender you are dressed but use the family restroom when you can. No that there is no universally correct answer
The few times I went out in public en femme, I was at a business conference in LA and went en femme. First off, my heart was pounding like crazy because there was a 10 year gap between outings en femme and it was very exciting yet scary to be out in public en femme. I think I am passable but there were a few ladies that did double takes of me (I was dressed in a pencil skirt and blouse with pumps... nothing too loud) anyways, while I was at the Staples center I had to use the rest room a few times.
After the initial rush from being out in public, taking public transportation etc, using the women's restroom was even more intense. I know California law protects Gals like us but there is always a chance someone would cause problems. I steeled myself, I went in with a confident stroll. I used the bathroom (which btw had nicer facilities then the mens room) I freshened up my make up and none of the ladies in there even batted an eyelash at me. The only shocking instance is when a lady rushed in and bumped into me. She apologized and I said "Thats ok" in a not so good femme voice. I did get a double take from that one but everything else was fine and it was both a thrilling and freeing experience to be out in public, being able to use the ladies rest room and feel totally like a lady :)
Here is a source for information in California: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/...-campaign-sbac
I can't find the right link, but I do know that the law regarding gender expression in regard to public restrooms in New Jersey has been on the books since 2006:
http://www.martindale.com/labor-empl...LLP_316840.htm
Cool! ...... Crossdressers can legally use the womens room, not just transitioned TS. :)
City regulations in Boston, Cambridge, and North Hampton Massachusetts protect transgendered rights and allow bathroom use for the gender you are presenting. We are still pushing for a state wide law up on Beacon Hill.
What great information I wonder where the Tar Heel state is on this issue.
Maybe I'm the only one here who does, but I always use the men's room and go into a stall with a closeable door. I've never got any grief for doing this in 17 years of being out. I don't want to run the risk of freaking any woman or child out.
I found this site that offers a nice comprehensive review of the topic
http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/index.htm
I had not seen it before but found it helpful!
April
As one who has only recently found the nerve to go out, I had wondered how I was going to handle this issue. Thank you, Forum, for some good, and timely, advice.
Here's a silly little question: How do you prefer to pee...sitting or standing? I really think that mini skirts are more suited to a man's anatomy. No zippers to get caught in; just lift it up a little and go. It's much easier to relieve yourself (standing) while wearing a skirt instead of pants. Anyhow, I was just wondering which most of us prefer. I still go while standing...one of the benefits of being a GM (and we get to write our names in the snow...lol!).
Hi i always sit it is the womanly thing to do
In many ways, it's hard for a male to appear as a female, but sitting to pee is about the simplest there is. I sit.Quote:
Originally Posted by prettytoes
I use the restroom that matches the gender I'm presenting. When presenting en femme, I will ALWAYS sit to go potty. It's a lot about attitude; if you are calm and simply act like you are any other woman ready to go to the bathroom and then leave (after washing your hands, of course), then it's not likely to be a big deal. I've used restrooms (toilets, washrooms, water closets) all over the world while cross-dressed; mostly in the USA though. I imagine how 'passable' one is makes a difference, but again I think it's also attitude.
As someone else mentioned, the http://safe2pee.org/ site can be helpful I think. :)
So many public restrooms are just plain disgusting. Men's rooms creep me out. Always have. If I look too butch for the Ladies I usually just try and hold it until I get home or find a really clean unisex.
Do check out SitOrSquat.com
On the sit or stand question I say neither: hover!
Think the girls would get mad if i walked in the gals bathroom, hiked up my skirt and pee'd in the sink while i fixed my eyeliner?Quote:
Originally Posted by gerigirl
:P
I usually use the one I am dressed as.
However, I have used the womans room before when dressed as a man; once by accident and a few times because there was no wait for the womans. I have never used the mens before when I was dressed. However, if there is a long line for the woman's and I have to go, rest assured I will use the mens (and visa versa).