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What I mean is this.
I go out often into the wider world. Dressed for what ever occasion that I am going too. The thing is I rarely if ever post about it here.
But should I? Does it help others for me to feed my narcissism?
Not just me, but all the ladies and Gentlemen that go out and interact with others, en femme or for the fTm dressed as a guy. Do they have a responsibility to share every time or close to it?
What are your thoughts?
Cheers
Natasha,
I don't feel you're under any obligation to share. However, every success offers the potential for really important encouragement and hope for those of us who are still trying to grow into that wider world. If sharing them feed your narccisism just a bit, so much the better. We all need to feel good about ourselves!
There is no responsibilty in it! BUT! The nice thing is not only does it help others, it also helps you! Comments, good or bad helps everyone grow! So my policy is to share as much as possible!v Hugs!
All depends if it sharing or bragging on how it effects people.
It really is up to whatever a person is comfortable with.
I've made a unch of Youtue videos of me going out en femme in order to encourage others to go out. I certianatly don't expect everyone to do the same.
Natasha, the only thing we really have to share is our love for each other!! That may include sharing our stories about our dressing, but not necessaryly!!
We are all individuals, which means we are all different!! Yes, some of us go out dressed enfemme in public a lot, but others prefer to stay in the closet!! That is their choice, and their right!!
But we do all have not only the right, but the obligation to share our love for each other in whatever way we can!! My love to all of you!!
Right now I am learning to like myself and what/who I am. My therapist told that talking with someone about your fears and shame takes their power away. In hearing about others adventures and daily routines, i see that I am not so unusual. Not every post is helpful to me and not everyone's goals and visions here match my own, but your stories and experiences help me right now. I imagine a few new people a day come here and are similarly helped even as the older salty veterans tire of the repetitive nature of the posts. If sharing your stories and experiences feeds your narcissism as well, all the better! It's not hurting anyone and sometimes it just feels good to talk about oneself.
There is no responsibility at all to share your experiences. Your life is your life and if you want it to be private that is your business.
On the flip side, I would very much like to help you celebrate if you feel like sharing. I recently shared my first time in public and really enjoyed the attention and feedback. I also enjoy reading about everyone's experiences and find that they have helped my own self-confidence immensely. I hope that I can do the same for others.
Eryn
Natasha, this is exactly the reason why I have 'dialed back' my Kathi adventure posts here. I was worried that it was getting all about me, instead of all about us. Yes, I have been out, but I haven't posted much about it. Instead, I have been posting in other's threads, trying to support them.
I mean, I'll admit it - I'm as narcissistic as the next girl. That doesn't mean I always have to be, right?
:)
Kathi
I used to feel the need to share every time I went out....for some reason... And post photos every time I went out but not any more. I've even gone out and not taken photos!! Ekkkk... Lol. I really have no clue if it helps others or not... I've had people tell me here and on facebook that they live vicariously through me. And others that go out. So maybe that does help? It's what ever you feel most comfortable doing. Lately I feel that its pretty time consuming putting something together with photos and up loading them and making sure they are the correct size so you don't get your wrists slapped. And either I'm getting old and cranky but its not worth the hassle. I don't know.
By sharing your adventures you are allowing me and others here to realize it is possible to get out of the closet,without the gender police coming after you.
It also helps to reinforce the the fact that there is really nothing wrong in what we are doing by dressing.
I get out all the time, but never start a thread of my own. I share some of my adventures when I think that they may fit into someone else's thread, or in a friends thread about one of our joint outings. As Kathi says, narcissism does feel good sometimes. I don't like to over do it and like others have had people tell me that they enjoy reading about my adventures since they have limited opportunities to get out themselves.
I don't know if I speak for others, but, for myself, I love anything with you in a lens...Please Karren, share a little more of yourself..You're such a wit! smooches JackieQuote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
It isn't our responsibility, but if something does happen either nice or not that may be a help for others in our forum, it would be nice to be able to relate our experiences.
If good it reinforces, if bad at least we raise that issue also.
I have been in hiding all my life and I only recently, since joining this forum, shared my feelings with my wife. For most of my life I have lived with guilt and shame, but reading other posts has helped me immensely. Just reading the adventures of others; the ups and downs, the first times doing things, and those who are comfortable going out, helps me feel that I am not alone.
I don’t comment much, partly because I am still trying to get comfortable on the forum, and I may never get the confidence to venture out. But I do enjoy reading the posts of others. So don’t look at it as being narcissistic, look at it as being supportive.
This post is a little sticky, a sort of six of one and a half a dozen of the other. Why did we join this forum? Are we here to just take from others or are we here to share and help. I know that there are those who only lurk and take what others share and never share of their selves or experiences. Others you are always seeing who and what they do like it was a diary. The first kind of person I don't understand but I truly love to hear what others are saying about their lives and encounters along the way. I feel as they have become close friends even though the only person I have met in person is Kathi Lake. You who post here have made me truly feel as though I am a part of something that makes my life better. I know I'm more adjusted to my life because of this forum and the posts I read here.
I feel if you take from the pile you are obligated to put something back in exchange. You may feel that you have nothing important to say but by keeping silent you don't grow in your stand and you actually deprive others from knowing you are out there and sharing in each others lives. RESPONSIBILITY, YES! This is a society where everyone grows in maturity as we share our lives , as different as our live are we are still attached. And now I yield my soap box to anyone so moved to take it.
By definition, "sharing" isn't all about you. It's about allowing everyone to enjoy your experiences.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
No clue required. It does help others, either simply through entertainment or through providing that little push needed to help them out the door.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Precisely, though I would encourage you to start a few threads if you have the material for them. I love to read different perspectives and sometimes a person's perspective is much different when they are initiating a thought rather than adding to someone else's thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
Well, I suppose that I am probably the most prolific about that sort of thing here so I prolly ought to comment. After giving it a lot of thought, I've concluded that I'll be damned if I know.
As to your specific questions -
Don't be silly - you have no obligation to do anything at all here other than be polite with what you DO post. It is entirely up to you what you wish to share and who you wish to share it with.Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B Natasha
With out a doubt. Reading Karen Huttons posts encouraged me to leave my hotel room and I've never looked back.Quote:
Originally Posted by 2B Natasha
I have several times thought to myself that writing my blogs and posts were more trouble than they were worth and were taking up far too much of my time, and I have thought to stop devoting that effort. It seems that every time I have considered that, I have started receiving countless emails, and I do mean a LOT, thanking me for showing them that it could be done and thanking me for helping them to find the courage to try it.
If my posts, and the posts of others like me, have helped others to accept and stop hating themselves, helped others to find courage to try what they have longed for, and shown them that the world will accept and tolerate them, then didn't we accomplish something worth doing?
When I first started writing about my outings, it was in large part for my ego I suppose - "Hey look ma, no hands AND while wearing heels!" Now, years later, and after having received so many comments and letters thanking me for helping others to find courage, I keep writing these posts almost entirely because it feels good to know that they may mean something to someone - that they just might make a difference to someone.
If it were all about narcissism, I would just throw my pics up on flickr and call it a day. :D
It's funny Natasha, but once you DO start going out depending on your situation some folks want to share more, and some less. I know for me, it was like free, free, free, I am free at last!! Of course, it wasn't COMPLETELY true, but I loved sharing it with all the bloggers here or wherever. Ahh freedom....
I feel that sharing my experiences and reading those of others is educational, Theraputic and at times just damn funny.
Don't feel obligated if you don't wish to share....
I too am wondering about this. I am always worried that my tales of 24/7 cross dressing adventures will be construed as bragging. So i have backed off from posting as much. Never thought others could benefit from my experience
A forum is all about interacting with others and sharing something of yourself. It doesn't have to be totally selfless to be useful to others. If narcasism was a crime, I'd be doing a life sentence!:devil:
I agree with others that there is no responsibility to post but I have been so positively affected by posting threads and reading others threads that I always wish for more. Without reading the information here I would have never came out to those I have come out to recently. I would still be afraid of who I was and continue to feel alone. I am now making plans to go out in public thanks to reading of the exploits here so I think although there is no responsibility, it is a help to the whole community when people do post.
I find myself sharing little travelogues and/or pictures for about 1/3 to 1/2 of my outings. These writings picked up where I left off as I used to do such reports for friends via email. The writing for me has always been cathartic rather than narcissistic and thanks to yahoo letting us save pretty much unlimited emails, it is something to look back on here and there.
That said, narcissism has a rotten connotation and I'd quickly bow out of the writing game if it ever became a common belief that those of us who choose to write about our adventures were doing so out of sheer narcissism.
I wholeheartedly agree with what Sara said here....Well Put!Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
You don't need to, but I do.
Reason. Success stories, or at least realistic accounts can help others that are thinking about getting out and smashing this stupid taboo. We here, the ones that have decided to get out of, and remain out of the closet, are trailblazers in many ways, and being such our success makes the way easier for those that wish to follow.
There are times as I type out my reports I think "I hope they don't think I am bragging" cause I am not. I am simply sharing my experiences. My descriptions usually include everything from putting on my hose, to getting out of them. I try to be as descriptive (within reason) as possible.
It is the positive and realistic posts that got me to go to someplace outside of my clubs and friend's gatherings. I only hope mine do the same for others.
I think it is important to share our milestones. I think it is a responsibulity out girls have to the in girls. Say hey, it's ok, come out and play.
Do I post a buliton every time I go outside in a dress and tell everyting I did in said dress? Hizzellll to the no... If I did that. I'd almost never leave my computer! But do post the events (like the post class experiment) taht I feel signifigant/
It isn't narcissism, that is what we are here for. If those who do go out share, it let's others know what is possible. It let's them see where they can go. It let's them have faith that they also can go out and do this if they chose to. And how many times have we commented that more of us need to get out so that people see that we not a threat, that we are just another slice of society? This shows us that it is happening.
But I know another thing for me is that I saw writings about local trips out and it not only gave me faith that I could go out too, but it also gave me a good feeling for where I could go locally and get my sealegs under me. Then I was able to evolve into going pretty much anywhere.
There is a lot of gold in this stories!
My sentiments exactly ..... I love getting out, my adventures are trivial and I go out more often than I post but when I can I do and usually keep it to a minimum as they are just every day type expierences but love reading all of the posts here and in no way consider them narcissistic........DebraQuote:
Originally Posted by Wendy_Marie
Personally I think this site would be all the poorer without reading of successful experiences of being out and about,It isn't bragging imo,it's just letting others know that the world out there isn't as scary as it seems.When I post my experiences its just letting everyone know how much I have enjoyed myself,especially those times when I'm with my wife,even if i dont get any replies it's still worthwhile to me
Sophie
I don't think it's a responsiblilty but I do think it helps us be better people. If we are the part of the group that goes out, i think it gives hope and incouragement to those who are on the edge. I feel we are a community should be not have to be, open to share our adventures.
My thoughts are similar to yours. I, too, go out en femme a lot but, I am hesitant to post much about it. I do not view it as
a "responsibility" but, more of what is of interest to members of the group. I know that some enjoy reading about what others
have been doing and I am sure that there are others who really do not want to "read all about it".
A "dilemma"?
I love reading about everyone's activities and adventures. One thing that I do feel should be important is not only learning about the positives, but learning about any possible negatives.
Hugs,
Persephone.
I posted about a lot of my outings in the beginning. I was excited and proud of myself and wanted to share. But after a while, I sensed, perhaps incorrectly, they were not appreciated and perceived as bragging. So I stopped but I sure haven't stopped my adventures. Besides, I go out so often now, its just not the big deal it used to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill2mn
Do we have a responsibility? Of course not. And I really don't think reading about outings is going to be enough of a stimulus to get homebound CDs out of the house.
I had the support of an incredible SO and that is who I owe thanks to, not any stories I read here.
I always like sharing to help and be an example to others. But I do love hearing the comments too! :)
I just wish that I could write adventures of Robin on the road that people could relate too! I know that other girls story's like TX Kimberley and Karen Hutton's helped get myself out in public. I now believe that the more that us girls go out to mainstream places, the more that the general public become comfortable interacting with us. Knock on wood I have yet to have a bad experience out in public. I do not go to seedy areas and just go where any other girl would go. Open public places seem just more safe to me! So next stop Disneyland later this summer! I know many of us will never go out of the house, but the ones of us that do travel, I hope puts a spark of hopes and dreams for others.
Best Wishes
Robin Lee
I go out more often than I write about in any detail here, on my blog or on facebook.
I do think that it is important that those of us who do go out share our stories in order to demonstrate that it is possible to go out without a problem. There tend to be a few very vocal agoraphobics on forums such as these, who try to discourage others from going out, or even tell horror stories of how they imagine that they might be treated if they went out. Posting stories about real outings helps to balance out such negativity.
I agree with these sentiments. And, it's not just reading about crossdressers going out and about in the wide world. To some people shaving their legs for the first time or getting their ears pierced is a big frightening deal, and it's important for such people to be able to read that another person did something that they've wanted to do, and didn't get hauled in front of the nearest brick wall to be stoned while wearing a scarlet "T".Quote:
Originally Posted by AliceJaneInNewcastle
I also am one that shares a small percentage of outtings. I tend to share special adventures (like vintage train rides) and events (charity car washes). They are not shared to toot my own horn, but to encourage some creative outtings thoughts for those that have done "everything" and gone "everywhere" while dressed. Okay I confess, I'm doing it for my own selfish needs; I want to read and see more stuff that makes me say "WOW, now that's awesome". Mall stories and such from well travelled outnabout people just doesn't crank my chain anymore. I still do like to hear the first outting experiences and such though, as the enthusiasm for and the knowledge gained of the experience is quite interesting to read most of the time.
Yeah, like when I swallowed a strand of hair from my wig at lunch and had a coughing fit? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone
Now that was a learning experience!
Reading anecdotes here has given me the courage to start going out, although not to malls or other wide open spaces; just to homes of friends, and with friends to meet new folks. I like being myself in fairly intimate settings, because they foster the kind of personal interaction that boosts my comfort level and firms up my sense of myself as a woman.
I especially enjoy socializing with natal women, as I learn something new each time, and I love feeling the acceptance I have been granted. Besides, I have always felt a greater affinity with women, no matter what I'm wearing. If I am able to go full-time, as I hope, I wouldn't want to wade into a mob without some gal pals around me, at least at first, to give me the gumption to fly solo.
Until I do strike out on my own, I don't really have any exploits worth sharing. But I promise if anything noteworthy happens when I leave my house, I'll report on it back here. Meanwhile, though, I really appreciate the generosity of ladies like Kim and Karren, and others too numerous to mention, in taking the time and care to document their experiences and share them with us.
:love: Lallie
Natasha, just do whatever makes you happy. If you feel compelled to share, then do it. Otherwise, I see no responsibility is involved.
Natasha, I understand the feeling.
I am not in the same league as Kim and Karren but I have been out thanks to them, and they have significantly influenced my ability to build self-confidence in my CD life. I post pics sometimes and I am always concerned that I am posting thing snobody wants to see - so I look at the responses and when the numbers are low that milks my low-esteem. But then I think.. I must up my game... which is not what this is about... so I lie low for a while.
Whenever Kim, Karren and others post about their experiences it is a 'must read'... I love to hear what others are doing as it does build confidence and we learn from each other...
But do not feel any sense of obligation... this is not what we are about...
it's certainly not a responsibility , but it's a fun and interesting part of the forum.
and it's not narcissism!!! It's part of what we do ..apart from transsexuals, cd and tg people have a great outlet here to share identities and ideas...share socially...etc..
posting the story is part of the adventure..and it's a reinforcement for the part of crossdressing that is more about how you feel about yourself.. (as opposed to the feel of stockings on shaved legs)..it's a positive extension of yourself. go for it..
and yes, put the bad in with the good, its all part of it..
To Lallie's point, the therapy and support aspect of it is strong too. I transitioned here!! LOL... I recall some posters that i rarely see here any more (i cant remember her name but there is a gorgeous girl that played guitar clips), and i was so jealous, but i still remember reading stories, building confidence, and soon i was posting my own stories....to me it's all good.
Hello All
First let me say a big THANK YOU to all who responded. I must admit though that I had hopped a couple of the FtM group would have shared also, but they have there own area And more power to them. Fella's you ROCK!
I have been struck by some of the repossess in that there, is to me, two types of post's that seem to stick out.
One being the epic post. The Kimberly post's. The getting not just out, but getting going to another place. Flying, traveling, Hotels, restaurants et al. The journeys. The reads that say to us all that you can get not only out but can function and live like any other person doing those things.
The other is the common post. Common as in. I went to the grocery store. I went to dinner, I took a walk downtown. I visited a museum. The type of post's that affirm that you can go out in your surrounding area's and fun. And these I think are the most important post's personally. While the travel post's are super fun to read and dream about. In reality most of us do not have a job that requires that much travel nor do we have the resources to travel except once a year. I count myself currently in the former and the latter. These post's seem to boost the confidence of the " Closet crossdresser, but I really want to get out the door " types. And that is phenomenal! Just getting out the door is such a huge sep all the support can be garnered is needed. You just never know who or what will be the thing that pushes you out the door finally when you want to go out. But please don't get me wrong here. If you never get the urge to leave your house. Good for you. Do your own thing. more power to you.
For me it was a certain individual from this board that was the straw that made the walls come crashing down. I had been on the boards here for several months and reading along, but wanting to get out. I reached out to a lady here or she to me. I don't remember exactly, but that is besides the point. We set up a date to a TG friendly bar. Set up a time. and once that commitment was made from my side I couldn't turn back. I made the decision that night to not bring any male clothes n the car with me. Whatever as going to happen was going to happen with me in full girl mode. Honestly I was looking scary. So off I went. IiI had also made plans that night to meet another gal at the same place who was in my same shoes. First time. Only she didn't know it was my first time out the door also. OOPS! the night was liberating. We sat in the bar for several hours. here is the funny part. Since I had no idea really what she looked like and nor she I . We didn't even hook up that night. It ended up just being myself and the other first timer.
so thank you. All of you. the GG, the TG and TS both FtM and MtF, and the CD.