CD's with accepting wives. How did..

I am still in the somewhat beginning stages with my wife who tolerates but hasn't totally accepted that I like to wear womens clothing. But she's coming along. She didn't like it at first. The second time I mentioned it, I was much more articulate in my explanation and it made a big difference. But it is still not where I want it to be. I am so not pushy. I never mention it but every now and then she'll buy me stockings and pantyhose. I would like to be able to shave my legs, dress around her occasionally, shop together etc. I know that this may never be possible but yesterday She made a big step in the right direction by asking me to put on a pair of pantyhose while I did something for her.
She said she had a dream about it and said it was really nice.

But I want to know..


How did it go when you first told her about your secret? How long did it take for her to accept it?
What roadblocks did you over come? And what did you do to "help" move it forward?

I know it's a lot to ask but do the best you can.

It didn't go well.

It took YEARS of waiting.

It's still an ongoing process.

I would ask her to describe the dream. I would set an appointment to talk. I would tell her your dreams...

My wife has said "No, you can't do that, but I don't mind at all x, y, and z" She's changed her mind on some things, but not on others.

Tell her you love her. Show her you love her. Make sure you do whatever it takes to show her you love her.

Ricci, in my case, my wife was quite comfortable from the moment told her. Still, what helped was talking about it. I asked her if she had questions, every day. If not, there was no discussion but there was more talking than not.

I have been lucky enough to have 2 women in my life who accepted me, my x was totally into it and supported me. my true love, the woman I am with now is the same. I believe that it is because I was up front from the start. As soon as we became intimate I came clean. though there was a girl that I was with for a few years in between who I told in the beginning and she cried and said she never wanted to hear about it again, so I was deep in the closet for that time. I believe that it is going to be different for every person and what works for me may not work for you. with that said, my best advice would be just take it slow and let her set the pace.

Hope this helps.
Desa.

I told my wife as soon as we came back from our honeymoon after realizing i couldn't stop myself from wearing her pantyhose and slips. But you must realize that i told her i didn't want to be a woman and that i was not gay and that it was going to be totally in the closet. After telling her my past she had a few questions and i didn't push it to much and just the same as you she started coming home with pantyhose and panties and she suggested i start buying my own cloths because i was stretching hers, and we went shopping together witch she found to be fun now having a husband and a girlfriend to go shopping with. After a while she would realize that i would be more nervous or depressed when i wouldn't dress for a while, so she would ask me to get dressed and go for country drives or just drive around down town. She even came with me when i wanted a wig and after that i realized she was a very supportive wife, it must of been hard for her to sit there while other people were around and her husband was trying on wigs. I don't know to what level you want your dressing to go, but don't push her to much and she will come around slowly. Hope i helped you a little.

I told my wife early in our relationship, before we were married. She has always been supportive and I am careful to be the man she loves and not get carried away.

At first, my wife was OK with it, then she soured - probably because I went overboard. Then, I asked her to go to a CD X mas party and she said OK but went out and bought a book on the subject. It happened to be a great book - I think it was "my husband wears my clothes" but not sure - anyway, it turned out to be a great book and she said " I really get it" now. She has been great since then and even tries to convince some of her girl friends to find cd mates because we have sooooo much to offer.

I am more in the minority. My dressing started after I was married. So I started small and my wife knew about it and it grew only with her blessing. We would talk about boundaries and I would adhere to our mutual agreement. Then as she continued to be comfortable and I wanted to go further, the boundaries adjusted. Basically, they kept me from going hog wild and moving forward at an even pace.

With the exception of my first three girlfriends, I told every single person I dated within the first week. By the time I was 19, I was out to about 20 of my friends, and to another 30-40 acquaintances that I met at regular GBLT Youth meetings. A lot of these people I saw on a regular basis, and would often interact with the person I was dating at the time. I was already living a double life out of my parents' house, I didn't want to have to add another layer of deception in the dating world. I came out to both my male and female partners, because even though one would think a gay male would be more accepting of their partner being transgender, this was not always the case.

So with that philosophy, my current (and hopefully lifelong) SO knew about my trans-status before we even started officially dating. It was kind of given at that point, considering she was actually one of my ex-boyfriend's roommates, so she already knew I was bisexual. To be perfectly candid, she's actually married now (not to me) but in an open relationship, with me as her alternate partner. She prefers that one of her partners is trans, and has previously dated two other M2F transsexuals, 3 M2F CDs and one FtM TS.

So I'm guessing I just got really really lucky.

I told my wife after over 20 years of marriage. For most of our marriage I didn't really understand CDing or recognize that I was a CDer. The conversation wasn't pleasant, there was crying and it was frustrating to me because I really didn't have a good idea of my own status at the time and couldn't really explain it to my wife.

I consider myself to be fortunate. My wife believed in our marriage and we kept communicating. There have been setbacks, mostly due to me making assumptions, but we've progressed to a point where I understand more about myself, she is more comfortable with me in both modes, and we're figuring out how to live this somewhat changed life together. I'm also more comfortable with both modes because I have someone with whom to share them. We're still not sure *exactly* where I am, but at least we're narrowing the possibilities.

Eryn

I told my wife shortly after we met and it worked out just fine.

One day not long after we were married we were having a long talk about many things and my dressing just came out. We talked about it for a long time. And, from the beginning she was very accepting and actually encouraging. She loves it when Teddie is here, and actually gave me my name.

I told my wife about four years after we were married that I loved wearing nylons, heels, and lingerie. I did not tell her that I wanted to fully dress though. I did not tell her while we were dating as I has purged back then and stayed away from dressing for some years! Then the urges returned, I am sure most of you know what I mean. I did not completely dress for at least another ten years. I cannot say she embraced the whole concept, but after years of talking and tears we have a loving solution. SHe loves me, no matter if I am male or femme. And she has come to really like me as Jilly. Though we keep this to ourselves, we both feel that our society is not ready to accept my feminine side. It works for us.

Totally different scenario for me,My wife and I met online so she knew straight away that I was a Crossdresser,we talked for a few months before arranging to meet,every possible question was asked and answered,and after a cpl of dates Sophie was introduced,of course nothing was certain and It could've still went belly up,but it didn't,she embraced Sophie and she supports me 100%,we go out together when im dressed and we love shopping and having our special Pamper nights,I dress most days but still make sure she gets enough time with her man too.I am so lucky to be married to her and have her in my life

Sophie

I told my wife before I asked her to marry me. She was shocked at first but accepting right off the bat. It was me that was nervous to dress in front of her and sometimes I ask if it is ok if I change. She was very nervous about me when I went out when I wass younger and worried something would happen to me. I no longer go out, just not practical right now.

For me I thing the hurdles were for me to be comfortable with who I am then anything else.

my memory of it was sort of a "So what? It doesn't matter" thing. It was a non-issue and her only rule so to speak was "Don't embarrass me"

I told my wife to be even before we were engaged. It was a minor but permanent thing at that point. As it grew she was there for each step so that made it easier. She is pretty accepting still but worries that I will want to go further and leave her behind. You need to be open, honest and as supportive of your partner as you want them to be of you.

I have been married 45 yrs and just came out about 2 yrs ago (halloween no less) she was shocked -- went through all the usuall questions / interogation and I know she has talked to a gay woman / coworker that I believed help her come to terms, anyway she buys me clothes and we enjoy shopping together and she is slowly reconizing my femm self. I think it just takes time to see where it all settles for their comfort level...........Debra

p.s. ........ honesty - honesty - honesty

I told my gfwith in the first week we were daiting. She is cool with it and even has gone out wiht me dressed a few times

Thanks for the GREAT answers girls. When I explained the second time, it was pure honesty. I told her it is part of me and its not just a sexual arousal thing. Its much more than that. It is something I always liked since I was a kid. That went over quite well. I do hope it reaches a point where we can shop together. Should I wait for her to ask me or should I drop an occasional subtle hint?

I would just ask her casually if she would like to go shopping!!............Debra

Well Ricci, my story is very similar to yours. When i first told her she was totally turned off and didnt want to hear nothing about it. It took her about 2 years to tolerate it and be able to talk about it with me. She said it was cool if i did it but only if i did it when she wasnt home and not in front of her. But that changed in a matter of weeks as we started to talk about it more and read some literature on it. I feel the books answered and reassured her of any unanswered questions and she almost became instantly accepting. She now helps and participates and i think it was all due to her own want to gain more insight and our communication on crossdressing. As long as she feels your comfortable in discussing it and is somewhat confident in yourself then i think, with time, things will look brighter.

Ricci, I dressed for my wife shorly befoer we married in a joking way. hahahahha.
On our honeymoon I wore one her nighties, again , in a joking way. A month later I was wearing her bra,skirt, and top when she came home early and we had "the talk" which went quite well. Since then it's been baby steps, and all has been well. Just remember baby steps, keep talking, and don't push too quickly. You're going to have his urge the rest of your life, most likely. When you're 40 or so and have complete acceptance, you will be at peace.
BethCD :D

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Originally Posted by ricci

But I want to know..


How did it go when you first told her about your secret? How long did it take for her to accept it?
What roadblocks did you over come? And what did you do to "help" move it forward?

I know it's a lot to ask but do the best you can.

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When we discussed it about 7 year ago it was a lot of late night talks for hours...a lot of crying and questions...a lot of unknowns.
I showed her the sites that I frequent...like this one and the Tri-Ess site and asked her to read and ask me questions.
After a few weeks I asked if she would attend a Tri-Ess meeting with me and see what it was all about...meet others and just try....she did.
Now we have friends there...go out with them other than meetings (dressed) and she feels comfortable with it. I dress when I please around the house...we shop together and even share some clothes. We talk more and are more open to each other.
She was willing to try...that's the biggest thing. I have a friend who would love to have her spouse attend a meeting and "try", but she refuses and that hurts her so much.

Give her time...patience and let her go at her own pace....
If she is willing to try then the rest will fall into it's proper place.

That's awesome that your wife is starting to be accepting!

Sorry this is kind of off topic, but I wonder why it seems that everyone always starts with pantyhose?

I told my wife after 5 years of marriage, that was 35 years ago, she accepted it and me after just a few minutes of explaining it to her, and we went shopping on the first of many shopping trips for Tina. I've never regretted tell her, just wish I had done it sooner. I didn't start with pantyhose, I didn't want to wait for someone to invent them, I started with panties, garterbelt and nylons.
Tina B.

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Originally Posted by CatAttack

That's awesome that your wife is starting to be accepting!

Sorry this is kind of off topic, but I wonder why it seems that everyone always starts with pantyhose?

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Yes it is awesome and I don't want to ruin it. Sometimes I feel like I am too careful and would like to speed up the process a hair.

About starting with pantyhose, for me I have to at the very least have my pantyhose. Gotta have them, that's what started it for me. I am surprised its as common as it is.

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

I told my wife after 5 years of marriage, that was 35 years ago, she accepted it and me after just a few minutes of explaining it to her, and we went shopping on the first of many shopping trips for Tina. I've never regretted tell her, just wish I had done it sooner. I didn't start with pantyhose, I didn't want to wait for someone to invent them, I started with panties, garterbelt and nylons.
Tina B.

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Hehe Tina...Yeah..same here..I think it was heels more than anything else for me..I still love pretty shoes...But I also love dresses, panties...etc...
I told my wife of 41 years about 2 weeks ago...So far, so good...easy does it...smooches Jackie

I've been dating a man for about six months. He told me he was a cross dresser on our second date. I'm so thankful that he did. It has given me time to accept it, and it does take time.

As our relationship continues, more and more issues arise that I'm dealing with. I have some major concerns, but we're trying to work on them together. He has been great at giving me time and space. Communication is key!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CatAttack

That's awesome that your wife is starting to be accepting!

Sorry this is kind of off topic, but I wonder why it seems that everyone always starts with pantyhose?

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1. Pantyhose was the most common female garment available to us during our formative years. Back then most every GG had several pair and they were usually readily accessable and not missed if a pair happened to disappear.

2. pantyhose can be purchased at any supermarket, can be easily buried in a pile of groceries, and can be justified to the imaginary Shopping Gestapo as a purchase for a wife or girlfriend.

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Originally Posted by Kate17

At first, my wife was OK with it, then she soured - probably because I went overboard. Then, I asked her to go to a CD X mas party and she said OK but went out and bought a book on the subject. It happened to be a great book - I think it was "my husband wears my clothes" but not sure - anyway, it turned out to be a great book and she said " I really get it" now. She has been great since then and even tries to convince some of her girl friends to find cd mates because we have sooooo much to offer.

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I was pleased to read that your wife "really got it" after reading my wife's book, My Husband Wears My Clothes. I hope you read the book which includes my crossdressing history.

With my first wife - she "discovered" my interest in dressing when she persuaded me to put on her bra, panties and stockings as part of a little fantasy. She guessed from my reaction that it wasn't my first time and that it was more than a passing interest. For most our marriage she was very accepting. We did end up divorced years later, but not because of my dressing..(that's not entirely true, but we haven't time or space for explanation). With my second wife, I came out before we were even engaged. She's been very accepting and supportive.

I'm also in that minority who was already married (38 years) when she and I, together, discovered my femme side, Tina. Thus, Tina has been a joint project from the beginning. Up to that moment, I had never even liked getting dressed up for Halloween, so my wife understood how conflicted I was when all this started, and said she was so pleased that I had opened this part of myself to her as I opened it to myself. Since it has been a joint project, everything about Tina is shared, as is everything that Tina learns about being a woman, most of it from my wife! Switching genders is not easy, natural, or something we ever learn since we didn't grow up as a girl. Thus, there is so much to talk about and those conversations centered around my wife telling me what it is like growing up as a girl, and being a woman, are so important. Let her be your mentor as well as your confident!

It's a wonderful addition to any relationship!

Tina

My wife found out about me by accident about six weeks before our wedding. We talked a lot. She seemed to accept me but told me she didn't want to ever see me dressed. We got married and for about thirteen or fourteen years everything was ok. Then she laid it on the line and wanted me cured. She was very anti CDing from that point on and has been for the last 23 years. i wish things could be much different. I'm really jealous of those of you who have accepting wives.

I told my wife within two weeks of dating. She was immediately accepting and shared a story of how her uncle used to wear her mother's dresses. Though she was initially very accepting, there were plenty of roadblocks because neither of us understood fully what this meant.

It took a lot of discussion and reflection to finally get to where things are now.

Best of luck