How many of them are out there and want a real CD'er/TG etc. instead of a so called "straight man"? Are there really such women? Does anybody have experiences?
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How many of them are out there and want a real CD'er/TG etc. instead of a so called "straight man"? Are there really such women? Does anybody have experiences?
I have had two women in my life who accepted me as I am. Yes they are out there and you find one cherish her forever.
Thanks Lorileah but accepting is something different than wanting such. An accepting woman is wonderful but are there some who are seeking us? (probably not :)
Want one? I don't know about that, not many I would bet. But the question should be, how many women are there out there, that accept a TG/CD/TV/TS person, plenty with you go by all of us on here that are married to accepting women. I know my was not looking for a trans person when we met, but the day I told her all about myself, she accepted this as just part of what makes me, me. So wives may take longer, some don't ever get there, but there are plenty of folks on this site, whose wifes go out with them, shop for feminine items to give them as gifts, and all sorts of different levels of acceptance, right down to DADT, but do your own thing. Keep looking, there out there!
Tina B.
My wife is very accepting and supporting. That being said though she has said that things might have been different if she had known from the start. She knows all about my sexuality and is very supportive of that as well. As long as it's with her. She has always been a little vanilla but since my coming out she has actually been more open and honest with her sexuality and has opened her adventurous side a little more. We keep it just between us and that's how it will most likely stay. Like I said though, had she known from the start things might have been different. In my opinion, women are still looking for that partner who can be the strong and dependable person. I don't think many would seek out a feminine male. I'm not trying to be sexist it's just what I have observed/experienced over the years. I am sure those women exist but sometimes it takes a little coaxing to bring them out?
Our own Rachel Morley is married to a woman who actively sought out a crossdressing man for a husband. Rachel is a very lucky lady, and his wife is a treasure.
As it happens, so have I. I doubt this is simply a rare coincedence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I am in a LDR with a lovely CD and, to be honest, if this relationship would for some reason end I can totally see myself seeking out another CD for a relationship. I'm a bi-sensual woman so for me a CD is the best of both worlds-a girlfriend and a boyfriend all rolled into one.. that SO rocks! I've connected very well to the femme part of my SO and the male part is nice to have around as well. :-)
So yes..count me as one that would seek out a CD for a relationship.
B
Wow, I didn't expect that but it's a nice surprise. Your words make me thinking because it seems to be a good advantage to have a CD'er as a partner. Yes, the best of both worlds. Nice.
I think i hear crickets chirping ...........Quote:
Originally Posted by pinto
They do exist, but it's like looking for a 1943 copper penny. I think the biggest problem is, we have no way to know where to look for them. It's not something most women would want the rest of the world to know about. If you want statistics, when I was actively researching and reading everything I could find on crossdressing, I came across several surveys done over the years, and the percentages listed were always pretty close; only 1.5% of women would consider a crossdresser as a romantic partner. That was from blind/random studies; it wasn't known whether the woman was already involved with a crossdresser or not, or whether she had any experience with crossdressers or had ever dated one. When my ex and I were seeing a therapist back in the 90's, there was a crossdresser SO support board she used to read; during discussions with our therapist, she mentioned that quite a few women who thought that they could deal with it, eventually discovered that they simply could not when actually facing the prospect of staying married to a man who crossdresses. There were quite a number of them, so much so, that I would consider the 1.5% number to probably be cut in half. So you're looking at less than 1% of all women as potential mates, few if any of which will let you know that she might be willing to date a guy who crossdresses.
Let's say it is about 1%. That would make about 35 million all over the world and 3.5 million in europe and 2.5 million in northamerica. Okay let's convert it to the age from 20 to 50 then it will be maybe 1.200.000 in europe and 800.000 in northamerica. Still a high number. Okay it's just playing with numbers and nothing serious but interesting.
I doubt you'll find any women who want a CD per se, but there's plenty of women out there who are specifically looking for someone weird/off the wall/not your typical guy. Particularly among the younger generation.
Okay Babs, Now that we are so jealous ,I think you should gather a list of all your GG friends that may also be interested in CDs and have them do the same. Then send it to us and we can find the ones in our local area. hehehe Thanks for being a nice person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by babs816 GG/SO
Hello,
I have been a member of this board in previous years (back around 2008), and also of the GG board (where are all the posts? Perhaps I need to reapply?) I just logged back in here today after a long absence. I would certainly be accepting of a CD partner, and have actively sought one in the past. It's just as difficult for us to meet you too!
KT
I meet a GG who wanted a CD/TG on line.....but she wasn't my cup of tea. We still talk on a regular basis.
Em
Are you busy Friday night ? Oh, Seattle -Glasgow -- guess that will not work. hehehe Thanks for being another nice person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KTcat
Larry..I can't help the nice thing..lol I was born that way.
I honestly never saw myself in a relationship with a CD/TV in the past..but now that I am in one I wonder what took me so long! :)
I'll work on that list hon.
B
Sorry to disagree but my two women "Wanted" me. They didn't give a hoot about what I wore. They chose me, they caught me. I am ever so grateful they did too. Now ask me again in a year if I can find another that is even close to what those two were. I was married to one and soul mate to the other.Quote:
Originally Posted by pinto
i have a few lady friends who are totally accepting (and encouraging) of me as a CD, but not a one of them would consider me a legitimate option for dating. i appreciate their honesty!
My wife has always said if other women knew what she about people like us, they would be looking for them. Some of her friends are jealous of how close we are together. What we need is marketing. Maybe a movie that shows the real advantage that people like us offer.
Kitty
I have the same.Quote:
Originally Posted by marlaNYC
Two gg's who are "accepting (and encouraging)", heck they help with my makeup. But not sure if I ever could date them. They talk about there boyfriends or possible bf's... like I am one of the girls. LOL
My last 2 gg's gfriends broke up with me soon after I came out. I guess they are like a 4 leaf clover.
Lucky to find one.
Hi Pinto,
I guess I'm just curious why you're asking . You've presented yourself as a Married crossdresser.
And yes I know a few women who are admirers. But it always seemed to me that the CD gals aren't interested.
This from the sidelines as I'm a Married wife of 37 years.
Presh GG
I know of one woman who has a preference for CDs to other men (not my SO).
If more people were out and there were a lot of women openly dating crossdressers already, women wouldn't feel as self conscience to date a crossdresser. There's a fear of being labelled the outcast or the freak for dating someone that is different. Since we are mostly an underground culture, when people find out about us, they think we're anomalies. Were not though, there are so many of us. However, for most women when they think of crossdressers, they conjure up images of drag queens because they simply don't know the truth. There is absolutely nothing wrong with drag queens, but it's safe to say that the similarities between our 2 groups are very few. This is the impression that most people have of us. However, over time that image will change. People just need to know that we're not freaks and we're not emotionally unstable. We're just people who like to dress a bit differently. We are in the process of creating a new social category, that takes time.
My late wife know about Kim and it always turned her on when Kim would come out,and she was stright as an arrow. so I would say if I had ever left her she would have started to look for a cd to date.
S Rose,
Yes really , it looks that way to me. There are 5 or 6 or 7 single GGs that belong to our group and I know they love the gals there. But the gals don't give them much more than small talk
Presh
Perhaps, but I think more than this, a woman wants to feel desired by her man. It's hard to explain, but there are no distractions between a male who does not CD, and the woman of his dreams. He's all over her. Whereas, how many threads have we seen in this forum, where just about every CD responding says he'd rather "be" the attractive woman he sees and wear her clothes, than "be with her". There's almost a diffused state of desire for the woman there, watered down if you will. Like two yins, side by side, rather than the more complimentary yin and yang. It might take a while for GGs newly in love to see this and this is why I think we hear so many stories about GGs thinking the CDing is wonderful in the beginning, and then it eventually dies down ... unless of course they are attracted to feminine males to begin with, and they don't mind sharing their own female energy/role in the relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Sabrina
Think of the De Beers diamond commercial they show around Valentines Day. I know it's cheesy, but it reflects an average woman's fantasy, where her husband will adore her so much that he wants nothing more than to see her eyes light up when he gives her a pair of diamond earrings, and where he really gets turned on when she adorns herself. A CDer would want to get the earrings (or the lingerie) for himself (or maybe for him and for her). He wants to be the one who is beautiful (even though it is OK if she is too). :p
Now ... every CD is different and if a CDer can make his wife feel as if she is the light of his life (as opposed to giving her the impression he loves nothing more than to CD), then I'm guessing there wouldn't be as many issues in the relationship. Generally speaking, of course. I'm guessing the CDers who are in successful relationships with GGs know how to make their GGs feel as if they are desired.
These CDs probably want the same thing out of the relationship as the GGs ... to be loved and desired as a woman. Maybe they freak out at the prospect the GGs will expect more of them than they can give? Yin and Yin. Just a guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet RoseAren't interested?Quote:
Originally Posted by Presh GG
Really?
I happen to have a very good friend who is actively looking for a CD male. The femmer the better. She would love to meet a pretty CD who prefers women but it's hard to find someone in such a closeted community. I told her she should join this site but she hasn't gotten around to it yet.
Also, I tend to meet a lot of women in clubs and bars who seem to be very interested in me until they find out I'm strictly dickly. I think the easy part is meeting women. The hard part is being comfortable enough with who you are that you're not creepy.
Reine is so right on this[at least for me].We have the ability to play the part of our fantasy woman and perfect her .Our energys go toward her and the SO takes the back seat. Perhaps a bisexual woman that doesn't really desire a "man" to complete her is more apt to be receptive to the T minded lifestyle.After all,most of us are still "able to get it done"when it comes to heavier tasks in a household. So,we do have some value ! lol I think perhaps a lesbian with a woman's clothes store or shoe store might accept us better than most.
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]I would think this web site would be a good place to meet, at least that is what I thought 4 years ago when I joined. For as long as I have been on here I have seen only one other post by a GG expressing your feeling. There have been many CDers stating how supported their SO are, but is the support out of admiration or out of not wanting to face the other options of ending the relationship.:doh: It seems most GGs are trying to understand why we crossdress, and are there other GGs dealing with this.:Pullhair: From the responses of my prior post few women have any knowledge about crossdressing until they are confronted with it.:eek: If there are more than two CD Admirer out there, please let me know because I would love to chat!:)Quote:
Originally Posted by KTcat
P.S. I am straight?
they are out there..me and my GG do everything together and truth be told i dont like it when she is not with me..its been said here and everywhere..the CD must put her first and not be so damn selfish..another thing that constantly comes up is all the lieing..what gives..you can say it on the first date.."i am a crossdresser"..quit lieing...yesterday i went to mac and nordstrom (nice store but pricey)..i ended up buying her-her favorite type of eye shadow at mac and my daughters fun socks from nordstrom...then i got selfish and went to sephora for me..i ended walking out with some great perfume for my GG and me a cheapo brush set...you all can find a supportive GG..just put them first
ps: my daughters loved the fun socks and she loved her perfume..my day was complete
i'm in az if any ggs are looking out this way lol
one would think this web site would be perfect to find the right person. they must be out there, the question is how do you find them ?
I signed up on a dating site hoping to find a Female who would accept a Cder, I seen only one woman that lived near by. She wanted a passable Cder and she also wanted one that was not in the closet with dressing. That was way to much for me to even think about responding.
I am dating a GG now that is very understand and accepting, I am pretty sure that if we even went our own way she would not on purpose seek another Cder, she would seek compainionship ..
This is what I want. Actually the GG should also be a CDer, so we can enjoy full role reversal. too good to be true.Quote:
Originally Posted by pinto
While most women would probably be turned off by the idea of a crossdresser , most like the personality traits of a cd .
Oh, they are out there. Good luck~
Hi Presh,Quote:
Originally Posted by Presh GG
i didn't ask for the reason to find such a woman I just wanted to know. Ok, if i would meet such a woman you never know what will happen but mainly i am curious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Reine,
I agree 100% and I think that's exactly the reason most women freak out when they hear one is a crossdresser. A lesbian relation where the CD'er gives her the feelings described by you will be the best foundation for such a couple.
This is sooooooo silly. It might indeed be the foundation for A couple but certainly not every couple. There are plenty of women who are actively looking for a hetero CD and there are plenty more who would be 100% accepting. All you have to do is be real. Be confident and comfortable with who you are and most of all, be FUN. I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't want to spend time with a good looking guy who makes her laugh and what you're wearing is really secondary as long as she knows you're interested. I'm not saying EVERY woman is into CD's but they are definitely out there. Shy and insecure men will always have trouble with the ladies, no matter how they're dressed.Quote:
Originally Posted by pinto
I agree with Melissa, that before a GG can begin to become attracted to CDr, they'd first have to be attracted to the person. I think that all illusions and fantasies aside, the personal chemistry between two people is what matters most. If there is an attraction - in all the physical, emotional, and cognitive dimensions - then I think that many women (I won't say most, won't even guess how many) - can accomodate a CDing partner. Some subset of the GGs out there apparently do enjoy and some even seek out CD partners. But more often than not, these are chance happenings. My wife had some bi experiences and she taps into that part of herself when she relates to me. But that wasn't what she started out seeking in a partner....and I like to think I bring more to the relationship than sexual variety :)
Bottom line is that to be successful in relationships - even in dating - you gotta get out there and engage other people in a genuine manner. I suspect that the fear of failure or rejection prevents too many of us from even trying.
There are probably at least 3 answers to that question.Quote:
Originally Posted by pinto
Based on my experiences on Match.com, about 1 in 300 women were actually LOOKING for a CD and wanted to meet me BECAUSE I was a CD/TG.
On the flip side, I've spent most of my life as "one of the girls" hearing what they say they want in a man, and for most, they will describe a TG, yet they will be physically attracted to the traditional man. More important, a traditional man is easy to get, they will go after the woman if she is even just reasonably attractive, while a CD is nearly impossible to find.
In between is another answer. Offer a woman a chance to meet a man who is so cute he's almost pretty, has a sweet soft voice, a gentle touch, listens to you talk, wants to please you in every way he can, loves taking his time while making love, loves foreplay, and loves to go clothes shopping with you and for you, and he's not gay and not married - and about 90% would say "when can I meet him?".
As CDs and TGs and even TSs, we often have the desire to feel like a woman as well as just dress like a woman. Even if we don't want to BE a woman for the rest of our lives, we are more sympathetic to the issues of women. As a TS/TV/CD I know exactly where to scratch that will make a woman purr with glee. I know how to listen in a way that she almost can't stop talking, because she knows I am really interested. I know how to treat her in public, I know how to complement her in a way that she really feels acknowledged, and I know how to make sure she is completely satisfied not only in the bedroom, but in the dining room and the bathroom as well.
When I explained to my wife which parts of me were Debbie and which parts were Rex, she realized that she liked Debbie MUCH more than Rex. Of course, I had the benefit of 12 step programs and Landmark Education courses to help me really understand which was which and why.
The thing about a TS/TV/CD is not that they are feminine, or want to be women, it's that they don't feel they are allowed to be feminine or express their feminine traits when they are in "man mode". Ironically, the more we express those feminine traits, the more attractive we become to the kinds of women who would like a TS/TV/CD even if they don't realize it at the time.
Often the bigger problem is that we are too selective. Because we are so aware of femininity, we often seek out the women who are the most feminine and most attractive. The problem is that we are competing with dozens of men who will use their power and masculinity and initiate and be sexually aggressive. Often, when a woman is dressing in a very sexy and feminine way, this is exactly what she wants.
But a woman seeking a more feminine boy is more likely to dress LESS feminine, and is more likely to reject direct advances from "macho men" and more likely to be seeking out and initiating with more effeminate men. Very often, women like this will even flirt and joke about gender role switching and really appreciate when a man not only recognize that this is what she is doing, but let her know that they really LIKE that she's doing that.
Halloween is probably the ultimate opportunity for a single CD or TG to meet the woman of her dreams. Coming to a costume party looking like a French maid or harlot or any other really sexy feminine outfit that suggests submission and pleasing a partner - will often bring out women who might not be as likely to pick us up if we were walking down the street or a shopping mall, or even in a club on any other day of the year. She doesn't have to worry about what her friends are thinking, because many of them are hunting for their fantasy boy or fantasy girl or fantasy boy/girl or girl/boy themselves.
This is a great time to go to as many parties as you can, and GIVE OUT your phone number to as many girls as you want. You might only give it out to 5-10 girls, but you are VERY likely to get a call back. I liked to put my femme name on the back of a business card that had my home and office number on it. Very effective.
If we were open to ALL of the offers we got, no matter how subtle, and we were able to recognize them, we'd probably find that about one in five women would LOVE to at least take us on a date and get to know our femme side.
Kim - I agree, I am attracted to the person first - labels are so constricting as, IMHO, sexuality and gender identity is entirely fluid.
This is where I also agree with the lovely DebbieL there are personality traits I equate with a TS/TV/CD that I find attractive - do I consider them to be femine personality traits? No, but I'm happy to call them that for convenience.
I belong to a Vegan forum also - not a lot of 'manly' meat and two veg men actively want to date vegans you know - and there was a huge discussion as to whether people on the forum would date a non vegan or even vegetarian! I'm sure you can imagine there were strong views on eother side. Again, I am wary of labels as what veganism/vegetarianism means to an individual is fluid too.
I was a CD admirerer, long before I was vegan - I am many things, I would just like to meet a person compatible with my lifestyle choices. Believe me, at 40 it is begining to seem like too much to ask!
Just thinking back to the initial post, how would you describe your ideal GG? With regard to their positioning on the sexuality/gender identity spectrum?
My guess is there are even fewer lesbians seeking a cder. :outtahere:
Hi Dary04,
I see this is your first post, you need 10 post to be able to contact/be contacted by others. I found it really difficult to reach my first 10 posts, but please keep posting, as you will find a lot of wisdom and strength here.
Now THAT is funny .......Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbieL
OK = you have to also realise that GGs are unikely to make the same moves as male cd admirer might. Or indeed, that you yourself might make in you male guise.
GGs hav e been conditioned by society too of course. And making the first move is perhaps not a comfortable stance. So where can we meet in the middle - online is of course the obvious answer. However, we do not all live in largely populated areas. Some of us might prefer a more global perspectve? How do you, the CD community propose that a GG might best meet a CDer?
on line is of course just one answer. but what about events like sparkle in the UK I'm sure there are others like scc in Atlanta that way you get to meet up in a safe environmentQuote:
Originally Posted by KTcat
Keep looking hun. It will happen someday.:hugs:
Angie
Yes there are women that want a relationship with a CD, I always state on my profiles that I am gay and into masculine guys and even with that I get on a few ocassions a lady that seems to be interested on me...it always freak me out:eek: