Who else is bi when their dressed. I need to know I'm
Not alone.
Printable View
Who else is bi when their dressed. I need to know I'm
Not alone.
I don't mean to be a pest but if your Bi when dressed, doesn't that just mean your Bi in general? :confused:
I didn't think sexuality was something that could be switched on and off at will.
I agree with Stitch - there is no such thing as 'situational heterosexuality', just situational honesty.
Kathi
Agree entirely. I mean, does one then stop being bi if they get nekkid? That could be awkward!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Ahhh. No.... Nothing changes when I change clothes except my looks.
I used to think so. Not so much anymore. I'd say it's just that once you've broken through the taboo barrier you can find what you truly like and don't like.
The only time I change is in my dreams!:eek::brolleyes::hugs:
If you are turned on by a CD, and part of that attraction is knowing that they ARE a CD (i.e. a male person with male parts underneath)... you're at least bi-curious or probably bi. Which is fine.
Being married, closeted, repressed, father roles, societal pressure, leadership roles at work, zillions of other factors can exert enormous subconscious pressure and guilt. But the fact is, if playing with gender in the bedroom is what it takes to get your motor running with another guy or CD, I say go for it. We like what we like.
I agree with the others, bi is bi. Dressed, you libido is heightened which highlights your true bi nature.
Kitty
Perhaps when you are dressed you than feel comfortable giving yourself permission to do something that you feel is wrong when you are not dressed combined with the feeling of wanting to be " taken" by a strong male as a woman. Sex is as much psychological as it is physical and there is nothing as complex as the human mind, no two are ever exactly alike but all are similar. The only way to self discovery is to taste life while watching to see if you are harming not healing your person. Challenging, scary as hell but very interesting, you will make plenty of mistakes but you will not be bored thats for sure. If you do not use life to escape from yourself but use it to discover yourself you will reach your destination.
when im dressed and with a guy , if that makes me gay im ok with that. If im dressed and with another cd, does that make me a lez ?
Questions like this used to really bother me until I realized for me "Skin is Skin"
I am who I am no matter what.
I'll go out on a limb here and I know there is at least one philosopher on this board so it might take an interesting turn.
An actor playing a role takes on the character's persona and characteristics. Method actors are known for immersing themselves in their characters to the point they have been known to remain in character even when the cameras are not running or they are not on stage. The point is that actors, in taking on a role, often absorb characteristics of the character they are portraying, sometimes, very convincingly.
In the case of the OP, is it possible that, in dressing as a woman, he takes on the characteristics of that particular woman who, I think we can all agree, is inside him. Is it possible that he, in his drab self, loves chicken wings and beer. But, when he is dressed, he prefers cosmopolitans and tapas. So, would it be a stretch to say that the woman inside him is bisexual but he is not?
Again, I think that by virtue of us being who we are (crossdressers), we do take on a role when we dress. Clothes, we know (by societal and own reactions) are more than just the fabric cut, sewn, and configured in certain ways. Clothes are an identity. We go to job interviews dressed one way and to a BBQ dressed in another way because they put forth an identity. Some may say they are identities.
By the way, in drab mode, I am very conservative; when I dress, it is as s provocative and borderline ****ty woman.
Are there flaws in this logic?
Ya gotta agree with the crowd on this one. Bi is bi regardless :)
I totally disagree with the crowd...you can be whatever you want...you may not necessarily be "bi when dressed" though...it may be just a fantasy fullfillment, or wanting to conform to the role...either way, only YOU can tell YOU what you are!
I enjoy the nwomans role with a man, but cannot say I am attracted to a man, plus I have no interest in being with a man unless I am dressed
You will find that there are some around here that just cannot handle any kind of metaphor. So if you use a metaphor like "bi when dressed" or "male lesbian", it makes them go into full *TILT* mode. They just can't wrap their mind around it. After all, metaphors should be literally true. Right?
:brolleyes:
I take "bi when dressed" to mean that you cannot imagine having a sexual encounter with a male unless you are in the "female" role. You want to be dressed female and treated like a female by your male partner. That's different than a cis-gendered guy that is attracted to either sex and who sees himself as a guy in any combination of sex partners. I've had those "bi when dressed" kind of thoughts before so I can identify with it to some extent. But, I realized a long time ago that I'm not really attracted to males in any way.
I am ME whether I am dressed enfemme or in drab. And I am not Bi in any sense of the word and never will be!! I do agree with those who said that you are Bi regardless of what you have on. Sexuality cannot be changed whenever you like! It is there and always will be!!
I think dressing does have a tendency to bring out something in you sexually that you may not feel when you're not dressed. When I'm dressed I am more likely to notice guys and want them then when I'm not, which is what I think the OP was trying to relate (maybe?)
And I am somewhat like Yang too, conservative in drab, ****ty and creative in dress.
I am just bi. It doesn't matter if dressed or not. However, it used to be the case for me. For myself, it removed all the guilt I had for being attracted to a guy in the first place. After quite a few years though, I came to realize I do like guys as much as I like women regardless of how I was dressed.
Perhaps you should explore those feelings more thoroughly. It could be the dressing just makes it feel less odd for you.
nope, last two experiences i had with men, I was NOT dressed. i COULD get into it if the situation was right, but i'm not holding my breath anymore. bi and being dressed is not a good combination, because most men who say they are bi and are interested in guy who dresses are sleazy and looking for a freak show. on top of that a lot of guys who say they are bi, are not really bi, they are just looking for a quick thrill.
last time my SO and i were intimate, I was NOT dressed. after being on this forum, learning so much about myself and reading a ton of posts, being enfemme has nothing to do with sex or having to be that way to enjoy myself. don't get me wrong if a situation presented itself, i would do it, but the chances of that are slim and none.
I used to think I was only bi when dressed too, but then I realized that wasn't really the case. We are who we are.
Nope, nada, nyet it ain't happening. If your Bi, your Bi. Being a CD, just make it easier to say your Bi.
I've heard of this concept (in some cases from gay friends of mine) called "hetro-gender". This refers to a crossdresser that takes on a sexual orientation according to the gender they are presenting. You might be bi.....or you might just be enjoying being accepted and treated as a woman. From my gay friends, I've often heard this with a certain amount of frustration. That is, they might be genuinely interested only to ultimately discover that the "hetero-gender" person is ultimately just playing a role. That is, they are not attracted to the person as much as they are the idea of being treated as a woman.
Obviously, I don't know your situation. You have to decide if being with a male is what "gets your motor running" or if it's really just being treated as a woman is what is doing it for you.
Bi, "only" when dressed?
Sorry. That does not compute.
That's in the same ballpark with "male lesbian" or "a little bit pregnant".
Well, I am going against the flow. I am a heterosexual male, I have no interest whatsoever in any form of relationship with a man. However, as Caroline, all of that changes, the dichotomy of that has yet to arise but my mind identifies with the 'once naked' situation and I percieve that that will/would prove a challenge to overcome. On the plus side - when presenting en-femme I stay related to that mentally.
Perhaps I'll report back if the situation ever arises.
Bi is Bi. I agree, but you are not alone I assure you. When Dressed I have times when I want to head out for a drive in a nice skirt, do some shopping get a cup of coffee and there are times I want to put on a hot little Teddy, thigh highs, heels and open the door for my date.....
Wew......glad thats off my chest.
Hugs!
Sandy
Totally hate the labels. If in girl mode u fantasize (or more) about being with a guy - is this gay? Bi? As Julie, I'm very into cute guys, but that is not how I choose to spend the majority of my life. I say explore, discover what u like, and then enjoy! Don't worry what other people think.
You may Bisexual, but if you take an interest in CD/TG's too, would that make you a trisexual?
In the very simplest terms, if you are attracted to both sexes sexually, then you're Bi, the clothes you wear have nothing to do with it...
Quote:
allyssa wrote:
I totally disagree with the crowd...you can be whatever you want...you may not necessarily be "bi when dressed" though...it may be just a fantasy fullfillment, or wanting to conform to the role...either way, only YOU can tell YOU what you are!
Quote:
yangstyle wrote:
I'll go out on a limb here and I know there is at least one philosopher on this board so it might take an interesting turn.
An actor playing a role takes on the character's persona and characteristics. Method actors are known for immersing themselves in their characters to the point they have been known to remain in character even when the cameras are not running or they are not on stage. The point is that actors, in taking on a role, often absorb characteristics of the character they are portraying, sometimes, very convincingly.
In the case of the OP, is it possible that, in dressing as a woman, he takes on the characteristics of that particular woman who, I think we can all agree, is inside him. Is it possible that he, in his drab self, loves chicken wings and beer. But, when he is dressed, he prefers cosmopolitans and tapas. So, would it be a stretch to say that the woman inside him is bisexual but he is not?
Again, I think that by virtue of us being who we are (crossdressers), we do take on a role when we dress. Clothes, we know (by societal and own reactions) are more than just the fabric cut, sewn, and configured in certain ways. Clothes are an identity. We go to job interviews dressed one way and to a BBQ dressed in another way because they put forth an identity. Some may say they are identities.
By the way, in drab mode, I am very conservative; when I dress, it is as s provocative and borderline ****ty woman.
Are there flaws in this logic?
Quote:
JosieCD wrote:
I've heard of this concept (in some cases from gay friends of mine) called "hetro-gender". This refers to a crossdresser that takes on a sexual orientation according to the gender they are presenting. You might be bi.....or you might just be enjoying being accepted and treated as a woman. From my gay friends, I've often heard this with a certain amount of frustration. That is, they might be genuinely interested only to ultimately discover that the "hetero-gender" person is ultimately just playing a role. That is, they are not attracted to the person as much as they are the idea of being treated as a woman.
Obviously, I don't know your situation. You have to decide if being with a male is what "gets your motor running" or if it's really just being treated as a woman is what is doing it for you.[/B]
I also dislike labels. I think they can give an inaccurate picture of who you truly are. And yet as a society we like labels as they help us give some some comfort in categorizing actions, things, people, etc... And yet labels can get in the way of being who you are. So... don't let anyone tell you that you can't... or you aren't. This is for you to decide.Quote:
Julie in Virginia wrote:
Totally hate the labels. If in girl mode u fantasize (or more) about being with a guy - is this gay? Bi? As Julie, I'm very into cute guys, but that is not how I choose to spend the majority of my life. I say explore, discover what u like, and then enjoy! Don't worry what other people think.
But to answer your question... the clothes do help me get into the role... like I feel more vulnerable in a skirt compared to pants. Or being naked in heels. But I feel more vulnerable to a woman... and not a man. A man does not get my... "motor running"... only a woman. Now I do have some fantasy's... but I'm not bi. But who you are is up to you.
Maybe the OP means she is normally hetero except when she's dressed she also fantasizes about men ... which I guess is why she believes she is bi?
Not unlike this thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...an-you-are-gay
Two different ways of wording the same thing, IMO.
If you are attracted to both sexes, then you are Bi-sexual. It doesn’t matter a damn if you are wearing high heels and a formal evening gown or a jockstrap.
OK perhaps some clarification is in order...
When presenting as a man, is the OP attracted to other men, men presenting as female (CD's), and/or women?
When presenting as female, does the OP's attractions to these groups shift in any way? If so, in what direction?
I have heard "straight both ways" as an orientation. As in only attracted to women when presenting as male, and only attracted to men when presenting as female. It isn't quite the same as bisexual, because it excludes man+man and woman+woman same-sex scenarios. Even if it is only gender play.
Confused yet? LOL
Someone asked if two CD's together would be gay or lesbian. I'd say half of each. Others might vote gay if they are focusing upon biology. Still others might vote lesbian if feminine sexual identity was the main issue.
We need better labels.
We know that SOME here change clothes and change their gender at the SAME TIME!:straightface:
Whose to say others here can't change their sexual orientation when they change clothes?:eek:
I don't understand it and doesn't work for me. But then, I don't understand anyone eating at McDonalds either!:brolleyes:
Do not be surprised, Brenda, by the forcefulness of these answers to your query. For many members, you are asking them to face threats that they do not want to admit exist, to be at risk and vulnerable with nowhere to take refuge.
We all need, or at least want very much, to have some immutable core of our being. It is the "real" us, the person we are when we are alone in the dark with our thoughts. But there is a problem with immutability. We grow older and our dreams change, we fall in and out of love, we find our needs adjusted by advertising, our politics and religion evolving with experience. And we, who think of even gender as fluid, have even less firm ground upon which to stand.
I think this is the reason you have so many categorical statements expressed with such certainty on this forum. If "once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser," well then at least that can be added to our core being. But this makes it really frightening not to understand our gender, because we don't understand something about our core. There are usually two responses: the soul searching, agonized "why do I do this" threads, and the "don't worry, just enjoy" responses.
We learn to live with the contradictions. Some talk about the male and female "sides" within, or that they occasionally "express" a feminine personality. We go so far as to give each side a name. But which one is the "real" us? Our core being is suddenly a little less knowable.
So what is left to add to our core being, but our sexuality. We don't know whether we are "really" Joe or Jane, or both, but we cling to the belief that at least our sexuality is a constant in our life. If the sexuality of Joe and Jane is different from each other, then what is left of our core being? Many have responded that they are the same person, dressed or not. But something changes, or they would not bother to dress. Is it impossible to believe that some of those changes could involve sexuality?
Liz
Hiya BT,
Welcome:hugs:
I like your hat!
If you start referring to BrendaT in the third person and start talking about “her” to the point of implying there is an additional separate “person (personality)” that is capable of independent thought & action which you are not responsible for…you will have a much better chance of finding some people on this forum that support that concept, lol. I am not trying to discount the credibility of those who adopt the concept. The logic and/or cognitive stretch required to support it simply does not exist in my world. (aside from diagnosed mental disorders, which I am not including as part of this topic)
To answer your question, I do not become “bi” when I dress any more than I become a real doctor if I wear a stethoscope and a lab coat. My perceptions, character, personality and sexual orientation might appear unstable or distorted to many people…but it is always consistent and exists as a single entitity…:).
:love:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie
Wow, didn't expect all the replies telling me what I am. I agree with the above, it is a metaphor to discribe exactly that I only find men remotely attractive when I'm dressed, and then I'm picky. I know I'm BI, I'm not confused about that at all, i was really asking a more light hearted question and I should have wrote it like this, "who here is bi and is really only attracted to men when dressed". If I'm in guy mode I might take a look at some really hot guy like Mark Whalburg, but I just don't think about it alot in guy mode. But OMG when I'm dressed I just feel much more attracted to good looking men.
Sorry, I should have made myself more clear.
You can be whatever you want regardless of what anyone else says :) if you think your only bi when dressed that's fine :)
Your right, this is America. Lol. You know I have never understood a man that dresses like a woman but doesn't have the same desires As a woman when dressed, but I would never presume to think I know their inner self and I would never say some absolute statement like, because you dress like a woman you must be gay or bi or anything else. I'm just not sure we still understand the human mind enough to make any kind of absolute statement about anyone else. I just try not to label people.Quote:
Originally Posted by joannemarie barker
either you are "BI" or you aren't, you sexual orientation does not change by the clothes you wear. I mean really think about it!! That is just none sense to think a peice of clothing would change your sexual prefernce, Face the facts.
With all due respect, I completely disagree.Quote:
Originally Posted by CINDYO
As one who did martial arts for years and competed in tournaments, I can say that my aggressiveness increased once I got into uniform and stepped into the ring. As a former soldier, I can say my uniform gave me a feeling of invincibility I did not feel in civilian clothes. Even now, when I dress, I am more careful about my eating and more considerate toward my wife.
Does dressing change my sexual preference? Not exactly. I son't fancy men in any way, but I do find I fantasize about my wife walking up behind me and handling me as I do her when I am in drab mode. I would also be open to her being the man with the help of a toy, if you get my drift. This is something that I never fantasize about with me in drab.
Again, I think that it's different for everyone but I do not find a change in sexual preference due to clothing to be improbable, unlikely or impossible. I find it very much in the realm of possibility and can say I have experienced shifting preferences due to what I am wearing.:D
Ah! I get it now! Your aggression and feelings of invincibility were in your uniforms and not in you. Putting on those clothes magically transferred those feelings (that were certainly never in you) to you. Wow, imagine; simple cloth that has the power to not only imbue the user with invincibility and aggression, but changes sexual orientation as well. Neato!Quote:
Originally Posted by yangstyle
:)
Kathi
i can see why some of u say what u do and believe what u believe, could be from the way u grew up ,. some people dont believe in split personalitys some do . for me i dont like the male body regaurdless but there are day that i feel like im a female and my mood is like im looking through the world with the eyes of a female and other days im strictly male all the way . now im not turned on by the male figure at all but i love to see a sexy ******* when im in my femine mode , but when in male mode i dont see any atraction at all
its not just about the clothes, more the feelings that emerge from whereing them,
In a way, I suppose that's correct. Other examples are priests in the Catholic church. They perform mass in different clothing than when they go counsel folks at home. They also kiss that band (whatever it's called) before putting it on to perform any rites.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
Superman, and other superheroes, always changed before going to fight crime. They probably had the same powers in or out of uniform, but they did not have the identity.
Take the Boston Tea Party: Why did they dress as Indians to go do that?
I know it isn't an intuitive concept but there have been many studies done about this. Just google "clothing and identity".
Can you be more specific? If you're just day dreaming and getting in touch with your girly side...maybe you would choose a different term other than Bi. Is it a day dream you wish you would act on?
Perhaps if you have a SO that would crossdress you two could act out your fantasy. I think there are very few women who would do that though.
Hi Brenda, no you're not alone. Just because others don't regognize it doesn't mean it's not possible. I have similar feelings: never look at a guy. as hetero as they come....but...when dressed I am the girl, and all of a sudden I enjoy showing leg to guys and maybe even more, so bi when dressed. And people, if you can't agree with that, again, doesn't mean it can't be.
It's that ". . . and maybe even more . . ." part that is the central truth, here. Doing things that you would normally never allow yourself to do or thinking thoughts you would normally never allow yourself to think - when you are simply wearing different clothing - that's just a fallacy.Quote:
Originally Posted by denierdeluxe
You are correct, though. Clothes do indeed have power; the power to allow yourself to admit the truth - a truth that you may never admit when dressed as a male - that you do have feelings (yes, including sexual ones) for the same sex. Truthfully, the clothes don't have the power, you do. Own it, girl! Don't hide behind your clothing as your source of desire. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel - no matter which side of the closet you get dressed from.
Kathi
I think this makes a lot of sense. There are so many members here who refer to themselves dressed in the third person, as if it is someone else. I can only explain it to myself by believing that the construction of a sharp division between male mode and the female persona is the only way some men can cope with the feelings of shame over needing to express femininity?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathi Lake
I'm not a psychologist. This is just a sense I've developed over having read so many accounts of CDers who really do have a hard time with sharing themselves with their partners. They just don't want to talk about the CDing, as if there is a very thick internal wall, built to both protect their more vulnerable femme selves from harm, and also to prevent the outside world from seeing some of the guy's more feminine facets.