Well where to begin....I guess i should start at the part where our vacation and Halloween plans fell thru....
My wife and i have been saving our change in jars for a very long time, we have always planned on spending it on a vacation. So we decided that this Halloween we were going to spend our money and go do fun, young people, stuff in Panama City FL. Ive been wanting to go out en femme and have been battling with it internally, so on our trip i was planning to go out as Donni (<-----ME!)
We have been working on our steampunk costumes and browsing the net for condo rentals ever since we decided to go.... We found a really pimp condo for $89 bucks a night (off season)...So we started rolling change....Over $800.00 worth of it!
Now fast forward to a week before we go....
Our little four cylinder car started smoking belts and after looking at it for a day or two, i found that the A/C compressor was on its last leg. In fact the clutch on the front of it was about to fall off....Its a non rebuild-able model and i had to purchase a new one.....and on top of that i had to take it to the shop to have the refrigerant reclaimed and then recharged after i installed the new parts..... So we hemorrhaged about $525.00 slowly over the course of the week. There goes our condo money...../sad wave
So at that point our plans are shot. No Condo....No Club Lavela.....No outing....sigh. We basically felt defeated.
We talked about plan B, getting sitters for the kids and just going out in our town on Saturday night. It was better than pouting about it all weekend and we really needed some away time......Then my mom who lives out of town calls....
"Hey son, im passing thru on Saturday and we want to swing in and see the kids....." (im not out to my mom) so quickly any thoughts of being out as Donni start diminishing as i would much rather spend time with my mom. Well as luck would have it they showed up and we went to a pumpkin festival (she really enjoyed seeing the kids run around like crazy people!) Afterwards my wife's father stopped by to get the kids and they went off to stay the night with him and mom left shortly after.....
At this point its like 7:30pm on Saturday....no costumes finished....no idea where to go....
In the past week of wrenching on cars, finishing up my business projects, and dodging monkey wrenches, really left me with little time to epliate and shave(and other gurl matinence.) Truthfully, the whole plans falling thru, left me losing hope and feeling like the whole world was against me. Which kick started my Dysphoria into full force. At some point last week i mentally gave up.
Moxie (wifey) and I talked about just driving around to see what was going on....i didn't really think i had enough time to get rdy as Donni. She says, "Well, look at it this way. Lets see how fast you can get rdy"
So last night i went from Wolfman to Wolf calls. Shower...shave....makeup(which i did twice cause i hated it the first time)....tried on four different outfits.....3 pairs of shoes.....and the whole time my heart is beating out of my chest in anticipation....my hands were shaking.....but i still managed to get ready before 10:30 pm.
At the front door she stops me and says "You first"
I laughed and asked "why"
She says "So i can push you down the stairs if you chicken out"
And out the door we went.
All 140lbs of me is in sheer terror. Driving thru our small town was nerve wracking, but once we were on the interstate i started to relax some.
The first place we went to was a place that hosts weekly Cabaret/Drag shows and is probably the only LGBT place in our area but they were closed and no one was around.
We drove around the city for a little while looking for crowds and places where people were dressed up for Halloween and the FSU area was BUMPING with people. Cover charges were crazy and so many people at some of these places there were lines out the doors. So we decided to go to the Drive thru liquor store and pick up some ingredients for drinks at home.....Drive Thru Liquor Store!...its crazy.
So pulling out of this place we are basically on the FSU main drag (pun intended)...People walking everywhere standing on the edge of the street looking into our car as we creep by in the traffic. People Whistling at us, Drunk people falling off the curbs....its was fun and people saw me!!!
Just as we make it thru the main college strip, a police car was on the side of us. Then abruptly he he slows down gets behind our car and BAM.....Red and Blue lights.....Were getting pulled over!
I just sighed.....great!, my first night out in Drag and im going to get pulled out of the car in the middle of college st!
The great thing is that both of us are sober because all we have really done is ride around and people watch. As the cop walks up to the car he walks up to my side (Wife was driving) and we roll the window down. he shines his light in at us and i just looked back... smiled and blinked. We gave him our info and as he walked back to the patrol car we both just laughed so hard. Then he walks back as were both still laughing, but this time he walks up to my wife window and says
"No ticket, get the light fixed, Have a good night"
I still smile to myself when i think about the first person i had contact with while out in drag was a police officer! But he was nice and wasn't rude or anything.
So while laughing and shaking off the nerves. We decided to go to applebees and have an appetizer and some 2 for 1's. When we pulled in she just looked at me like "Well are you going to get out of the car"
I mustered up my courage and stepped out of the safety of the car. Heels clicking across the pavement. As we walked in, i was in this place between terror, adrenaline, and levity. Exhilarating.... i think would be the best way to describe it
The minute and a half we stood in the waiting area felt like an eternity, and i was so nervous i could feel my knees shaking. I was just praying not to pass out. I realized that people were looking at me but then just going back to their business which was really nice actually. No one starred or pointed. As we glided nervously thru the bar area to our table i could feel myself starting to relax a little. very little....but people just have a natural reaction to turn and look at the girls clicking heels across the tile floors. But again they noticed us and then went back to their business.
We were seated and our waiter was really nice, as he was getting our drink order, i decided i had to pee really bad. So i went looking for the bathrooms. Ive never been to that applebees before so didnt really know where i was going, as im walking thru the hallways looking down the corridors (and doing my best not to slip on the greasy tile floors) a group of young waitresses must've noticed me looking down the halls and one of them smiles and says "Its down this hallway, Sweetie'
I smiled back and said "thanks"
I used the mens restroom, i associate as male and have no wish to use the ladies room, it creeps me out actually. But thats just me. I would have used it if the mens rooms weren't so clean, but this applebees was very clean.
I primped myself in the mirror after washing my hands, and thought to myself "Damn im out, and i don't look bad"
I walked back to our table and we had an appetizer trio and a couple 2 for 1 margaritas. and chatted a little. It was really nice. By the time we got ready to leave my nerves had subsided (probably from the margaritas, lol) and i had no trouble clicking myself back out to the car. We drove home and had a nice evening of Paranormal TV and Pron (Blushing face)
All in all it was scary and exhilarating. The best part is that it gave me some comfort and confidence that i can be who i am
To all of you here at CD.com Thx for all the support. The things i have learned about myself since being a member here are really what got me out the door the first time. Without your advice on fashion, beauty, and being confident i would have been a total "Mess in a Dress".... Thank you Friends.
And to my Wife: Thx for pushing me down the Stairs and putting up with my nervousness. I Love You.
Your Resident Social Deviants,
-Donni and Moxie-
P.S. Pictures or it didnt happen!!!
Attachment 167436
My outfit for the evening (4 1/2 inch heels too!)
Attachment 167437
Me before going out ( i really liked this one)
Attachment 167438
PROOF!!! I WAS OUT!!!
Giggles......
