Question to CDs only, from Anonymous GG

On occasion, the FAB forum mods will receive a request from an anonymous GG to post a question in the MtF forum. I've received such a request this evening:

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Originally Posted by Anonymous GG

To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

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EDIT - The GG in question just contacted me in response to post #4, to say this question is indeed asked to Crossdressers and not TSs. The body parts thread she refers to is a thread in the MtF and not the TS section. There are many responses, mostly from CDs:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...asts-or-Vagina

And also, she refers to the many posts throughout the MtF section where CDs say they are hetero in guy mode, but they want to be with men when dressed.

I have posted here on different threads, that as early as 5 or so I knew I was supposed to be a girl. That was long before I knew anything about stockings or panties or slumber parties. It was also at an age where I shouldn't have known the difference between boy or girl (other than the obvious physical difference), and yet I felt I was a girl inside. It later progressed into wearing women's cloths, and putting on makeup, but it's deffinately not because I think being a girl is all fun and games, or because the grass may seem greener. Lastly, I can say that I for sure don't know, nor think I could ever know what it is like to be a woman. That is something that no amount of fabric, or plastic surgery could help me to know for sure.

I have had the opportunity to enjoy female friendship and support. I am in a position where I need to take care of a disabled spouse (cooking, cleaning, washing). I have a good idea how hard women have it. I have experienced gender discriination on a small scale in virtual worlds. I do not think the grass is greener, but I am happier doing the things I do. A. night with the boys in a sports bar holds no interest for me.

Cant believe people get offended by cross dressing as this poor girl clearly does.
First point. Imitate by dress. Girls dont do it? Im calling BS on this one. Dita Von Tease being the number one example I can think of off the top of my head.
If girls weren't trying to imitate the appearance of another, then why cant I go on ebay looking for a knee length pencil skirt without seeing the words "Dita Von Tease" every 6th item listing or so?
Thats the end of that argument right there.

Im not certain whether she is confusing CDing with trans-sexual individuals.
Let me explain. She addresses her post to cross dressers, but goes on to seemingly complain,

"It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical"

Physical? Well yeah, of course it is. Clue is in the label- Cross Dresser. Not cross thinker or cross feeler, it's about the attire, the accessories all the trappings of what we consider to be feminine.
What body parts would we like to have? If breasts fill our dresses out better than flat chests, then we will buy forms. Whats wrong with wanting to look out potential best?
Again, this comes back to your main beef about it being physical. Well, you kinda already have your answer, we cross dress. We (should I say 'I') don't try to BE female, I try my damnedest to look female and enjoy the little time I get feeling feminine, but I genuinely think you have confused trans-sexual/ trans-gender individuals with straight forward cross dressers.

I read it that the question was addressed to us CDs because the GG gets the motivation of TSs but many CDs will say we don't want to become women, we want to experience being one. And that experienceis limited in many cases to the nice bits!

I'm interested to see that most replies so far are from TS despite Reine specifically addressing it to CDs; a womanly trait in TSs, perhaps? ;)

I feel I have a mix of genders within my personslity and I've found dressing to be enjoyable and reassuring since I was about 7. I don't kid myself for a moment that I am being a woman or coping with the stuff they have. I wonder whether CDs who say that have really thought it through.

I don't think she's offended, I think she's trying to resolve an anomaly in what some of us say.

BTW, is it fair to allow anonymous questions...?

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Originally Posted by Rachel Flowers

BTW, is it fair to allow anonymous questions...?

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Yes it is, Rachel. Most of our FAB members have husbands who are members, and sometimes they want to sort through some issues by themselves first, before discussing them with their husbands.

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Originally Posted by Rachel Flowers

I'm interested to see that most replies so far are from TS despite Reine specifically addressing it to CDs; a womanly trait in TSs, perhaps?

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Although I do know some members are definitely TS, there's no way for me to know how everyone identifies. So I'll leave it up to everyone's conscience to not post if they are TS. Hopefully, they can read! :p

If you are TS and you've posted, and then realized the thread is meant for CDs only, would you please go back and delete your post? Thanks! :)

I totally agree with smile on this one.. They do call it cross-dressing for a reason. So essentially, there are some guys who just enjoy being temporarily feminine by partaking in various ways of female styling. With every intention of going back to male form.

If someone has a feeling of wanting to do more than the above, they may be starting to enter either gender confusion, or transsexuality. There are some who simply just want a more feminine form to look good though, but still want their primary life as a man. It really doesn't matter where everyone falls under the spectrum, since people are constantly changing all of the time, whether they are TGs or "normal."

So finally, my best answer to the GG who asked this, is that the CDs who maybe have expressed that they like their female counterpart more than their male one, or expressed that they want a female life in any way, that they are probably working things out in their heads.. aka, gender confused. Otherwise, take them at their word if they say they are CD, then that's what they are. Most people who have done this for a while are informed on the different term definitions, so I would just take what they say, and let that be it.

I find that the feeling of fabrics that make up womens clothes are in stark contrast to what mens clothes are fashioned from, and in that difference, I feel a small connection to what a womens world is like. For example, the thinner fabrics lose heat quicker than the cottons, etc that I am used to. I have to layer in order to find a comfort level. The breast area of womens fashions expose more of the chest area for example, than i am used to. Many of the gurls on this forum comment on the air brushing bare or stockinged legs as a new and novel sensation. These are a small portion of things that fastinate me about the difference in what we normally are limited to in comparance to the freedom that women enjoy. I feel that most women costume their lives to match their activities. clothes for work out, golf, tennis, running, the gym etc.
In a sense, we CDers costume to feel as closely as we can what you are feeling. I am acutely aware of my awkward body compared to the grace and beauty that God blessed you with. I am also aware of the judging that women visit one upon the other, about style sense, color corridination, whats in or out, how you keep house, raise your children and a 1000 and 1 other areas your expected to pass muster. I have watched my daughter and grand daughters face the female judge mentalness that is an every day reality in their lives.
In spite of those and many other facts of feminine lives, I am envious of the closeness and loving support, the openess to share feelings and every day love that women have. I like the clothes, and would love to have the emotional closeness that is a natural part of the female world. As it is, all I can do is press my nose against the window that separates our worlds and envy what can never be mine...

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To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

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I would have no idea what it takes to really be a female. And probably most cd'er's would agree. There is a major fetish componant to dressing, so that is why you read so much about the externals. But there are also a lot of cd'ers that try to look deeper than the surface, who love the beautiful inner qualities that come so natural to women, that so many of us who are male, want to follow after.

I agree that most of the mtf part of the forum is viewing women from the standpoint of the male mindset. Cd'ers are guys after all. And I can understand how from a certain perspective, it can be offensive, because women are still being sexually objectified, just in a little different way than non-cd'ers.

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Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

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Well, it would depend on the degree you admire and want to be like and identify with someone. One of the biggest payoff's in pro sports is selling articles of clothing that identify with the team desired. Buying and wearing a football jersey doesn't make you one of the team members, but it does identify you with the team.

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On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

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No, but if dressing helps us to feel more like who we are or want to be inside, then why shouldn't we, no matter where on the gender scale we are?

Hey, I is not an retard…
This is one of those trick questions, isn‘t it?:D

The logical answer of course, is that a GG will have the most genuine and accurate information on that topic. I would assume that those that have a total commitment to finding out by transitioning, TS etc. would possess a more realistic perception and the knowledge “ladder” would progressively weaken in line with the commitment level and degree/length of time devoted to the “experience”.

The “what it takes” descriptive qualifier is a bit confusing to me when trying to respond to that question. It seems to make an assumption that it is possible to actually “become” or “transition into” the same biological and cognitive state that a GG female possesses from birth. I do not believe that it is possible to replicate any living thing with 100% accuracy without creating it from inception.

Taking that into consideration, I do believe it is possible to come close enough to satisfy those who are genuinely committed to achieving the maximum transition that is humanly possible. I also believe that those feeling like they were a born as a “female trapped” inside a male body” is a genuine condition that occurs. However, this does not preclude the fact that they were born as a genetic male and a GG female was born as a genetic female. This fact logically assumes becoming a female entails a complex process of altering the natural characteristics that a female does not require.

Moving on…backwards…to a more simplistic vantage point…to provide my opinion(s) based upon my observations on this forum…

I believe there is a lot of reality in your assessment that many (not all) of the perspectives presented in the posts here reflect an unrealistic, naïve, distorted, or fantasized perception of the intricate complexities inherent in GG females. Setting aside the obvious confabulations, some of the “genuine” beliefs revealed here is absolute nonsense that incredibly distorts reality in my mind. Some of those few who seem to have a reasonably grasp of reality are also influenced by their tendency to distort reality just enough to believe some of their unrealistic desires are attainable.

With the understanding that my previous thoughts apply …it appears to me that many Cdrs here do not have a realistic grasp of “what it takes”. I also feel that there is an overriding assumption that becoming more proficient at replicating the physical appearance and behavioral aspects of females is a viable technique that magically produces the ability to experience the same internal feelings, perspectives and cognitive processes inherent to GG females. I do not happen to share that belief. It defies/denies the logic and common sense that I rely upon to navigate my world.

My answer to your final question about ever making an assumption that “the grass is greener” on any side that is not the side I currently occupy…on any issue…no.
I have not engaged in that type of thinking yet, and have no plans to start in the future, even after they release me from this mental institution. :heehee:

:hugs:

:love:

I'm very new to the whole idea of CDing at a later age & I'm not sure where I'll end up with it. I can't speak about being TS, as I don't feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body type. Most CDers have been thinking about or dressing from a very young age.

Males can't know what it feels like to live life as a real woman or to experience pregnancy & have babies. IMHO women are complex (in a very good way) & are more fully developed human beings compared to men. Women truly are the superior sex. I hope my terrible male writing does not cause any misunderstandings & please no hate from the guys. Most guys (including me) could be better people, by becoming a bit less male & more female to some degree. Society could be a much better place with less testosterone & all the problems it can cause. To me it's normal human desire to try to learn about what I don't understand, and are attracted to. Have you ever thought about what it would feel like to be a guy & do some "guy" things? Most if not all CDers would live as a real female for awhile, if they could do so without any negative consequences & be able to go back to being a guy when they wanted to. Many wouldn't want to go back.

I think most males & females do have both masculinity & femininity in them to some degree. A gross simplification for something as complex as gender within the human brain. I think CDers are more willing to embrace their female/feminine side than most males. I'm sure that you have done things in your life where the male/masculine part of you comes out. How about aggression in things like physical fighting, destroying things, sports & sex? Not that those are male only traits. You have to admit that male fashion & "beauty" is a joke compared to women's fashion & beauty. A whole different world. You shouldn't take everything you read here about CDers wanting female body parts too seriously. Not too many CDers would or could really live with a real pair of breasts, or whatever full time. Some do though. I think it's really just about wanting to look fully female while being dressed up. I don't understand what you meant by the "very physical" part you mentioned. I don't get the female names or the bonding either, if that is what you meant by "like one big slumber party", but I'm new to this.

I think most admire women more than you can know. Intimation is the sincerest form of flattery. Do you admire the other gender, not just a person? Most men (who are honest) know that life for many women in today's society is not as it should be. That doesn't stop CDers from wanting to hop the fence & see what that grass feels like on their toes.

I think it is important to realise that crossdressers wish to emulate women to some degree. This degree is different for each individual. Not all crossdressers are interested in just the clothing and the makeup, but some are. I think most people on this forum are aware that it "takes more" to be a woman.

A crossdresser is someone who feels the need to emulate the other gender to some degree, with some frequency. If a crossdresser wishes to emulate women only partly, it makes sense that they would emulate only the looks. It is the most obvious difference between their gender, and the gender they wish to emulate. It is also the easiest part to emulate. You can just buy some clothing, and put it on. The same goes for makeup and to a lesser degree wigs and padding.

You ask:

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Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

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Please understand that most crossdressers do not rationally choose to emulate what they admire. They feel a deep emotional desire to do what they do.

I hope this answers your questions somewhat. A problem is that crossdressing, or pretty much any gender-related issue, is horribly complex, poorly understood, and taboo in most settings. One of the reasons we have lively discussions on this forum is that we do not really understand what's going on ourselves, either. But you are most welcome to read and participate in the discussions.

Personally I'm not a woman or do I want to be one so I don't know whay it takes to be one. All I do know is being a woman looks like its way too much work for me! Lol.

I know what its like to be a woman and GG knows what it is like to be a man. Its all about the love, compassion, respect and honesty of being human. Its not about what we wear, or drive, or how big our house is. Its about what's inside. Gender is only nature's way to sustain life.

This question is really close to asking why we CD in the first place. I agree that the reason varies for each of us. Do we know what it takes to be a woman? I think I do to some degree. I grew up with a single mom and had two older sisters. Most of my early home life was heavily female influenced. I was a sensitive, heavy set teenager with larger than normal breasts (gynecomastia). I regularly got the snot beat out of me by other boys both physically and emotionally. I liked hanging with the girls in high school much more than my male friends. I still relate better to women than men to this day. Many years of societal behavior modification (survival, basically) has made me indistinguishable from any other "normal" guy. You wouldn't know it to look at me on the street. But I nurture, I'm sensitive, I'm intuitive and creative. While these aren't attributes of all women of course, they are generally not the sort of strengths you apply to the males of our specie. Being a genetic male means that we have a fair amount of testosterone being produced in our systems (even those of us who aren't exactly models of the male form). So yes many times the act of CDing is overrun by the sex drive we all are hormonally condemned to - a fetish. That's why you see these sort of sophomoric and naive posts. That's how it starts. In my case, as I have grown older, the natural tendency for male hormones to diminish starts to eliminate the need to simply satisfy a sexually associated need by CDing. So I find the act of dressing pretty and feminine and neat probably as much as any GG. Question back to the OP (or any GG): Don't you love to try on a new dress? Don't you love the way certain clothes feel? Doesn't your wardrobe have the power to make you feel confident or sexy or lovable? If you didn't, you'd wear jeans, a sweat shirt and boots every day. So we grow up male in a male dominated society - with very little tolerance outside of the "norm". We can't totally know what it means to be a woman but I think some of us evolve continually in that direction. I can't ever truly know it but I also will never really be a female - I can't unlearn those hard lessons of man-hood from my early years and I'm not getting rid of this body. But I now feel fortunate that I can walk the line and choose to visit either gender side that suits me.

First of all, I am a crossdresser so I answer this question within that context.

I am not a woman and will never be one. I am a male who has a number of traits that fit what is considered by many to be feminine including some feelings such as nurturing, love of babies, and the like (I realize that classifying emotions as male or female is playing into a stereotype but I think that is part of the question.) I also find the need to express my femininity by dressing in what is generally considered female clothing.

When I look at a woman, I look at them as I believe a "standard" male looks at them but I also look at their clothing as I appreciate the effort they must have put into their looks as well as attempting to learn from them. i don't believe I am trying to imitate them unless you believe learning from someone is imitating them.

I don't believe that "the grass is greener on the other side." Why? I believe this because there is no other side for me. I am what I am and I do what I do because it is who I am - a crossdresser.

So I guess that for my specific situation, I just don't accept the basic premise of the questions apply to me.

Hope this helps,
Leann

Do I know? It might be surprising, but yes, I think I do to a great degree. I've experienced it through wives, children, and relatives - over many years, though wonderful as well as some horrendous experiences. And while experiencing something, even as close as with a partner or as a participant, isn't the same as being something, I think people give short shrift to empathy. Haven't you ever had the sudden realization of another person's emotional state or point of view? It can be incredibly powerful. Similarly, the experience of actually feeling like you are part of someone? (I don't mean the flush of infatuation, either.)

I don't think the grass is greener, not by a long shot. Women and men almost live in separate cultures in many ways, both with pros and cons. Again, though, most men have known others who live in the world of women and can easily see the differences. Some in the forum DO live as women, even some that are "only" crossdressers. Empathy plays as well here, too.

Some crossdressers dress because they admire women or how they look. I don't fully understand why I dress, but I can say it's not for those reasons. At this point, I identify as transgender. Women's clothing feels in many ways (not all) like my natural clothing, as natural, in fact, as male clothing. I.e., it's not dress-up play.

The OP hints at superficialities in the question about posts on colors, underwear, etc. I agree fully with Smile's response. Calling out one aspect of a forum that also involves serious, substantial, lengthy, and informed discussion on a huge range of gender issues is manifestly unfair. One need only to point to the immense women's fashion industry to to point out that the accusation makes more sense (using the OP's argument) when directed at women. That would be equally unfair, though it positively dwarfs the men's fashion industry.

Lea

Dear Anonymous GG,

First of all, thank you for your question. Such questions produce a good opportunity for us CDers to reflect and gather understanding about what we do and why we do it, and then share some of those findings.

I think I understand where you are coming from, because even I, as a CDer, am bothered by some of these threads that seem to focus only on the trivial, frivolous and morphologic aspects of being female. Though I sometimes feel differently from some of my peers, crossdressing is not a science. Different people pursue it for different reasons. And in all fairness, no single reason is better or more legitimate than the next. All are equally valid.

Perhaps, to better address your questions, I should tell you a bit about myself. I started dressing at age 5 or 6. I fantasized about growing up and developing into a woman. Through puberty I understood it wouldn't happen. So, I embraced my gender the best I could and tried to act manly, as was expected of me. Having to sustain that outer masculine shell led to a big disconnect, full of anguish, confusion and self-loathing.

Through my teens and twenties these gender issues would come back to haunt me on occasion, but I'd just shove them back inside the closet, as I had done countless times. Until the closet door finally bust open, spilling everything in my face, and I was forced to deal with it. After some period of analysis paralysis, I was able to educate myself enough to first understand and then accept my life. It was either this or else.

So, you see, it's not a big slumber party to me. There is no choice involved, as I was born this way and can't help it. I'm not ready for transitioning and don't know if I'll ever be. So, CDing provides me with temporary relief to that eternal anguish, by bringing me closer to being the woman I was meant to be from the start. Do I know what's it like being a GG? Certainly not, but I'd give everything I have to find out and never look back.

Bottom line, it is not a matter of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, but of knowing that, whichever side is greener, my grass is sitting on the WRONG side of that fence.

I can imagine this may be a difficult time for you, one of many questions and not enough answers, so I hope this helps. Please let me know if there's anything else you would like to know and I'll be happy to delve into it.

Take care and be well.

I think I know where our Anonymous GG is coming from. I am a man that happens to like dressing and acting as beautiful as what I admire so much..that is of course a woman. At the same time I happen to be glad I'm not a woman. Sadly women are still considered second class citizens and below men. How sad in this day and age, but true. I am glad I don't have to deal with much of what women have to put up with. Starting with giving birth and the next few years of being the primary care person for an infant. Most men are not strong enough to deal with it. Second, those monthly "friends" women have to deal with. Next, the generally lower pay for the same job. not sure I'd like being the next bed partner for every man that can't think much of anything else when I'd dress nice and go about my daily business looking.
I too don't get some of the threads here that the male CD's post. Like the one about what color panties are you wearing today. That's none of no ones business and frankly not what women would be compelled to share on-line with other women. I wish that thread would just go away! Same for dumb questions like breasts or vagina. It's like that's all we think about! No so for me and many that also ignore threads like that.
Back to the question: Yes, I think I have a clear idea of what being a woman is. Enough of an idea to know it would not be something I'd want to deal with. Being a male and a CD, is easier! I can pick and chose what there is about women that I want to experience. True, mostly to dress in some of the clothes that are otherwise made exclusively for women. Yes, I do feel like I have somewhat of a dual gender in much of my core values, but I never forget that I am a man and happy about it. I'm also happy that my SO loves her man and likes her CD from time to time. I adore, respect and admire women for the strength they have. In fact they have to put up with men and all the not so nice manly things we men sometimes do. yes, that includes our crossdressing. Now that takes a special kind of Lady and a special kind of love. More then what most men would be capable of giving back if the show was on the other foot.

I think it's important to understand if someone by labelling is a true CD, then they have no desire to understand what it takes to be a woman nor do they have any intention to become one. They do however, have a love for the emotions they feel within physically and emotionally when they wear clothing normally associated with the opposite birth gender. For most, probably in the early years, there is a sexual element to it. Whether that stays with them I do not know. For me the sexual element left years ago and today it's simply the overall feeling I get by presenting myself to myself and others. There is a euphoria I experience when dressing like a female irregardless of whether I am at home or out and about shopping, dining, whatever. There is also a feeling of normality, a comfort level mentally if you will, that I experience that tells me this is who I partially am; one and a half people if you will but only one person completely. Outside of the biological natural senses of a woman, we understand what woman have to endure in life, but to say we understand the inner feellings of the biological woman is just never going to ever happen period. Is it the same as we feel? No way of knowing.
I would question your not wanting to imitate someone. You may not consciously know it at the time, but buying any big brand name article of clothing is indeed imitating someone else whether it be the girl in the tv commercial or whatever, even if only to a small degree. A sense of fitting in by buying the product, acceptance if you will. Looking good in a mirror is self gratification/acceptance. Wearing a big brand name is imitating someone you are not, even if it looks good on you. It's the brand name that makes you feel that way, not the fit.
Being a CD for most is a small moment in time. The ability to crossdress only occurs during a small time frame for most, particularly those in a closet which is most. If 60 minutes for example was the average( I do not know) one stays as a cd that day, then any talk of breasts, etc. is simply a fantasy during that time dressed. It's a burning desire to look as real as possible during the time spent en femme and at the same time, experience the feeling they get inside every time they dress. When the cd'er returns to drab, the fantasy of having breasts disappears as well. Oh sure, one will often think about having a vagina or big cleavage, but deep down they know it's just a fantasy, not reality nor will it ever be a reality in our lifetimes. But it is fun to think that way even for a moment. Ask any true cd if he would like to have big breasts everyday so all his male friends could see them and guess what the answer would be? Yes in a fantasy world and no in the real world, and probably yes in a perfect world which it isn't and never will be and they all know that too.
Of course the grass is greener on the other side. If it weren't, we would all drive a grey four door Camry, live in a white house with black shutters, have four perfect children all going to university soon, a live-at-home mom raising them, and a dad you drinks from a cup that says, " Greatest Dad".
That "Leave It To Beaver" field on the other side of the road gives us all a break from reality no matter what the reality is. It gives us a reason to question and at the same time, express ourselves, our life, and our futures as individuals and as human beings.

Gabi said everything I would have wanted to say.

"To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side..."

Dear Unnamed GG:

OK, What are your issues? Have you been harmed or offended by a crossdresser? Have you discorvered that a close friend, family member, boy friend, or spouse is in fact a crossdresser and you don't understand why?

I do not think that you were completely honest in your request because you did not explain your personal issues. As such, any answer that we give will fall short of what you are looking for - that being - understanding. As I read the questions - multiple times, I do not think that acceptance of crossdressing is in your makeup.

Perhaps, a little more background as to why the questions were asked will allow us to give you the understanding you are seeking even if acceptance is not possible.

As for grass being greener on the other side - yes it is greener - and red - and pink - and purple - and every other color of the rainbow that isn't available for males simply because some silly rule says that men can't wear bright colors.


Carol Elizabeth

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Originally Posted by Anonymous GG

To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

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I don't think we want to experience/focus-on the negative/difficultly aspects of being a woman, if that is what you mean. CD'ing is a fantasy/dream to many and everything in it need not be logically correct or accurate to every detail.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous GG

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

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Imitation is the best form of flattery.. isn't it?

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Originally Posted by Anonymous GG

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

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GG's giggle/smile a lot more than we laugh/smile.. Doesn't it mean you are generally more happier than us?

This is an interesting topic, with a variety of well thought responses.

I do crossdress. I underdress all the time. A couple of times a month, I put on the complete outfit and meet with "like minded" people. We have a great time together chatting about a variety of things.

This is a totally different interaction from my daily life. I enjoy this break from "reality".

Most of the people I associate with while dressed are well spoken, knowledgeable, and open. Those I see while in "guy mode" are notably different.

I enjoy the feeling of the clothing, and "pushing" the boundaries of Society. Sometimes the boundaries "push back", but not often. Clothing is simply a way to cover the body, and keep it warm. If Society did not label clothing by gender, I would certainly be out more in skirts and blouses, and I think a lot more men would do the same.

I have always placed Women on a pedestal, and through my actions, I try to join them there at times. Doesn't always work though.

Hmmmmm

Reine and Anymous poster :)

I would not try to answer for anyone other then myself, No I do NOT know what it takes to be a woman, and I doubt that I ever will. I know that there are times that on the inside I do not feel what would be described as a 'typical' male. One of the things I crave is a deeper level of communication and understanding with the people around me that women have with one another. There are times I would like to be able to go to a male friend and say "I feel ..." and have a meaningful conversation. There are times I get ready for work and put on 2-3 different outfits before deciding on something ? For me dressing is an outward manifistation of how I feel on the inside. Some days it's 'Alpha Male' and I can talk football and drink beer with the best of the guys. Other days it's 'Kelly' and it's talking family,fashion and friends over a glass of wine. There are days I wish women could see what its like to be in my shoes for a couple of days and realize how lonely a mans world can be. I would love to post more, but it's time for work.

Huggs

Kelly

We're busted, it is a great big slumber party on the INTERNET, that's why we are here. We get to gossip, talk about silly things like clothes and make up, how we feel about boys, girls and everything else. After all most of us didn't get to do slumber party's when we where teens.
Now as to why I dress, I don't know, and I just can't make something up. It's something I have done since I was a small child, do I want to be a women, heck no, just playing dress up is work enough for me, and it's just a part time thing, the rest of the time, it would just be silly. Do I admire women, no more or less than I do men, it's who you are not what you are. do I think it's greener on the other side of the fence, for some it is, for some, it's a lot harder, there again, it's situational, not gender related. All I can really tell you about why I do this is, if I don't I get depressed, resentful, and angry deep inside, and I become someone that I can't stand, and neither could anyone else. My wife and I have both come to realize it's just something that we live with, so we can live together in harmony. It works for us!
Tina B.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

On occasion, the FAB forum mods will receive a request from an anonymous GG to post a question in the MtF forum. I've received such a request this evening:
*Originally Posted by Anonymous GGTo Crossdressers:*
I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.*
Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.*
On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

EDIT - The GG in question just contacted me in response to post #3, to say this question is indeed asked to Crossdressers and not TSs. The body parts thread she refers to is a thread in the MtF and not the TS section. There are many responses, mostly from CDs:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...asts-or-Vagina

And also, she refers to the many posts throughout the MtF section where CDs say they are hetero in guy mode, but they want to be with men when dressed.

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This is a great thread and a great question. I have posted and responded to threads with similar content. I have some good input, or at least i think so and I will try to be brief. Let me preface this by referring to a conversation my SO and I had just this weekend. She usually dresses in jeans and a top. When she was in the corporate world, it was dress slacks, jackets, skirts and hose. She said she did this for many years and mentioned things like always having spare hose in her desk just in case and how uncomfortable this was in the summer. I told her that this was all new to me. But given the choice of wearing a dress or a skirt or wearing jeans and a top, well to me there is no comparison. I embrace the additional femininity that a dress or a skirt affords me. But the dresses and skirts are not always worn with hose and I do wear just jeans and a top sometimes. I am not always going to the sexy or glam look. I am trying to develop what my style would be if I dressed all the time, which would include casual and dress, pants, skirt, dresses, hose, socks, tights, and of course lingerie. Sunday morning, I wore a sweater and jeans, along with panties, a bra and breast forms and of course my wig, earrings and just some lipstick as I had on makeup from the night before. We decided to go to an early movie, and I changed. I was still wearing my jeans, but put on men's underwear, washed all the makeup from the night before off of my face and went out as my male self. I don't underdress.
So with that in mind, here are some of my responses.

1. I think a bigger question is: How many of us dress just to look like a woman or how many of us dress to look like a woman and wish to experience life as a woman as much as we can with physical limitations and try to feel feminine?
2. For me it is the latter of the two. I would never consider conventional SRS, hormones or anything like that. I consider myself a no-op TG. However if there was say a transplant that could make me biologically identical to a GG, I might consider that.
3. It's not always magic when I dress. It depends on how the rest of my life is going. Dressing and acting like a woman takes a serious and conscious effort. I don't always wear pretty lingerie or hose. Real GGs don't. And like them , just like on Sunday morning I wore just basic beige cotton panties, and a beige bra. A lot of people here talk about what it's like to be a woman, be feminine, but I think the real test is to see how you can be or feel that way with just simple things.
4. I've become aware over the years that I don't fit in well with other men. I've discovered that I am probably androgynous. I don't hate my life as a man, but rather I enjoy and make good use of the many ways I am different. If I never dressed or thought about it, I would still be happy and well adjusted as a man. However because I became aware that I have some feminine traits, mannerisms and habits, I am overjoyed. I have a different way to experience part of my life now. Like I said, it's not always magic when I dress. The rest of my life still remains in place. I have a job, bills to pay and a relationship with my SO to deal with, along with all of my other wants and desires.
5. At times in my life, I was in a gay relationship, had bisexual experiences and live most of my life hetero. Anymore, I just consider myself just sexual. I live with my SO, but am free to have playmates, either male or female. Since I've really come out as Cassandra, my desire for this is not as strong as it used to be. I've found that most me who say the are bi, or want to play with CDs are seriously messed up to put it nicely, are animals or just perverts. Women don't really understand, but I am hopefully. So these days, I am open, but very, very selective to whom I share my body with. I think this in itself is a feminine thing that has develped.

So yeah, maybe I get it or maybe I don't. What say you?

I can read ;) and I won't make this about me. However, the first thing that came to mind as I read this question was a recent situation a friend of mine found herself in. If you had to paint her with a particular brush, she self-ID's as a CD'er and she made some comments to which I replied as follows:

...You may say that you could never know what it is to be a woman but your heart betrays that sentiment. I do think you know more than you give yourself credit for...

My point is that even when someone might claim not to know a thing about what it is to be a woman, there are subtleties under the surface which are simply part of us. These things are not so much traits one can learn, the seeds must be present in order to be cultivated should they be recognized.

It may not be the complete package of the feminine experience that only natal females can know but still, there are personality traits, habits, expressions that if natural come as close to knowing what it is to be a woman as a lot of us can ever hope to get.

I've read and re-read the Anonymous post and still have trouble seeing a legitimate question there. It strikes me as rhetorical: you'll never know what it's really like to be a woman; it's just one big dressup fantasy.

Okay, I'll bite but this only applies to me. I respect and admire women, always have. I'm only interested in women in either mode.

Cding is a need for me I need to do it. I started CDing as a kid like most of us. I only recently embraced it because I'm tired of fighting it. It won't go away. I'll compare it to a gambling addiction only for comparison. A gambler has something tuggin away at them to gamble. Hard core gamblers think about it all the time. They will sneak around and find money to keep enjoying themselves. BUT gambling can be cured usually, therapists say this is with us for good.

I don't understand the urge either. I just go with it now. I want to be feminine when I dress, fully dressing is the best way for most of us. I do not want real boobs, forms are fine for me. In guy mode I'm your typical male.

Only a genetic female knows what it takes to be a real woman because they are one. Grass greener on the other side? I don't know or care I do what's right for me. If people don't get it oh well... Too many don't get it so we have to hide.

That's it. I want to keep it short.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gabimartini

Dear Anonymous GG,

First of all, thank you for your question. Such questions produce a good opportunity for us CDers to reflect and gather understanding about what we do and why we do it, and then share some of those findings.

I think I understand where you are coming from, because even I, as a CDer, am bothered by some of these threads that seem to focus only on the trivial, frivolous and morphologic aspects of being female. Though I sometimes feel differently from some of my peers, crossdressing is not a science. Different people pursue it for different reasons. And in all fairness, no single reason is better or more legitimate than the next. All are equally valid.

Perhaps, to better address your questions, I should tell you a bit about myself. I started dressing at age 5 or 6. I fantasized about growing up and developing into a woman. Through puberty I understood it wouldn't happen. So, I embraced my gender the best I could and tried to act manly, as was expected of me. Having to sustain that outer masculine shell led to a big disconnect, full of anguish, confusion and self-loathing.

Through my teens and twenties these gender issues would come back to haunt me on occasion, but I'd just shove them back inside the closet, as I had done countless times. Until the closet door finally bust open, spilling everything in my face, and I was forced to deal with it. After some period of analysis paralysis, I was able to educate myself enough to first understand and then accept my life. It was either this or else.

So, you see, it's not a big slumber party to me. There is no choice involved, as I was born this way and can't help it. I'm not ready for transitioning and don't know if I'll ever be. So, CDing provides me with temporary relief to that eternal anguish, by bringing me closer to being the woman I was meant to be from the start. Do I know what's it like being a GG? Certainly not, but I'd give everything I have to find out and never look back.

Bottom line, it is not a matter of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, but of knowing that, whichever side is greener, my grass is sitting on the WRONG side of that fence.

I can imagine this may be a difficult time for you, one of many questions and not enough answers, so I hope this helps. Please let me know if there's anything else you would like to know and I'll be happy to delve into it.

Take care and be well.

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I could not have said it better than this.. As in Gabriella's case I realized in my early on in my life what I should have been. I also have repressed these feelings all my life and acted as macho as I can. The little bit of time that I can dress and really feel comfortable is my escape into what I should have been. I struggle sometimes not wanting this in my life at all and to just make it go away. That isn't going to happen and we all know that including my wife. It is a struggle since I have but my wife and my kids realize that part of my makeup and the way I treat them is due to the feminine side of me. The man side of me tends to be a real jerk.
I guess I kind of got off track there but in answer to your question I would say that I am taking advantage of being acting and being a woman by wearing the clothes because that is as close as I can come to being a woman. Sad but true. I will not give up my life as a man because I love my wife dearly and will not ruin that relationship by taking the next steps to becoming a transgendered person.

ReineD, May I suggest the anonymous gg read the post..Something I Want Take For Granted Again. It is written by another gg and it expresses what most crossdressers feel and seek. If one looks deep enough into her post they will get a better understanding of what crossdressing is all about. I hope that is what the anonymous poster seeks, rather than just sour grapes.

Dear Anonymous GG,

You will get a hundred viewpoints on your question. Like all things, there will be a bell curve of responses. Mine will fall into the mainstream, I think. Firstly, I do not want to be a woman. Occasionally, I like to express myself in a female persona. It makes me feel good to try on outfits and look "pretty." I suspect, in the very same way that any woman would. When dressed, I do not think I am a woman I simply like the look that I can achieve and love the clothing styles, fabrics, colors, etc. I have no desire to be with a man. I think that is quite a minority among crossdressers and likely they are homosexual crossdressers who have not yet come to grips with homosexuality. What I told my wife is that I know I dress as an idealized or sterotypical woman. Hey, I like dresses. Mostly I like the transformation. Once transformed, I simply feel pretty, a feeling I can never have as a guy. Nothing more.

Since I am not yet entirely familiar with the machinations of this particular forum, and don't know how to break the OP into individual quotes, I will just have to commence in barbaric fashion. Please bear with me, I feel I've got something to say...

"I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman."

Is there a universal definition? Do you know what it's like to be a Somalian grandmother, or a young girl growing up in Taipei? Everyone's life is constructed from their frame of reference - your definition of a woman is based upon the various factors and experiences unique to your life. What "womanhood" means to my femme self,Kali Brooke, is of course, also going to be different than your perspective on the topic - because Kali Brooke is a man, was raised a man, and has always viewed womanhood from the outside. I have no idea of what it means to have a uterus, give birth, have a period, etc, and nor do I want to have those uniquely female experiences. Kali just wants to dress up prettily, wear soft things, and enjoy the everlasting challenge of trying to turn something largely unfeminine, and not particularly pretty, into something that is those things from time to time. That is what crossdressing means to me. I'm also sure that this definition can't be applied to plenty of other t-girls. As human beings, we're all at different spots along a continuum, and a multidimensional one at that. Cxing is just a way for me to embrace what I see and enjoy in life.

"It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums."

Hmmm, is it more than that? Again, we're running into those pesky definitions. According to the strict, theoretical definition of a CD, it's really not much more than that. But let's start divesting ourselves of definitions, because they're far too narrow to really encapsulate the broadness of the human experience. I'm sure a lot of girls on here who ID as CD experience some gender dysphoria, some desire to go beyond the outward accoutrements of it all. By that same token, there are unquestionably other people who ID as CD, yet are content to simply throw on a pair of dirty panties and a pair of L'Eggs and call it good. We all exist on a continuum. For me, it's mostly about the clothes, the makeup. So what? That's me. And I like your analogy of a slumber party... that's what the Kali in me wants: girlfriends to laugh and giggle with and have silly fun with, and maybe make out with when no-one is looking. As a CD, for me, it's about fun and superficiality. Do you know what it takes to be Kali Brooke? (;

"Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc."

I don't know if I believe your answer. We're all imitators in one way or another. Even when we think we're being unique (and maybe we are, in a relative sense), we're still taking cues from others, whether overtly or covertly. I see what you mean; I may admire Mohandas Gandhi from a philosophical perspective, but that doesn't mean I'm going to dress like him. I don't even know how he dresses! But, I absolutely fawn over the way Kim Kardashian looks, so if I see her in US Weekly wearing the hottest pair of tan platform pumps I've ever seen, then I'm going to take a cue and go after a pair myself. It's all superficial, but so what? I liked the analogy of following a sports team. I may put on a Detroit Lions jersey, but I'll never be mistaken for one of the Detroit Lions, nor would that be my intent in wearing it. I'm expressing in interest in my interpretation of the subject. Make sense?

"On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side..."

No, I don't. I'm well aware that surviving & thriving as a woman in today's world is a complex thing that's not all fun, games, & lipgloss. Nor am I one of those "male apologists" that believe that women are somehow the superior gender. Believe me, I've been exposed to some awful cattiness, backstabbing, and passive aggressive behavior on the part of women. Earlier this year, I was involved with a girl who was, in retrospect, pure, selfish evil. Fact is, people from all genders can be good or bad, wonderful or complete asshats. Personally, I like the grass on my side of the fence: the side where I can watch football, spend all day taking photographs, or maybe slip into a babydoll & some thigh highs. It's a big yard, with a nice privacy fence. (;

In sum, I don't totally agree with everything you've said, nor would I deny that you've made some valid suppositions. I can only answer for myself, of course. I'm sure lots of other CD girls would find my interest in boyshorts & body glitter to be entirely vapid. So what? That's what I enjoy, that's where I fall on the continuum of things. So don't judge, don't hate, and do everyone a favor and toss out the word "definition," except perhaps in relation to eyebrows. Anywhere else in the CD/TG/TS/TV/DQ/GQ/Etc community, it's not doing anyone any favors!

I was born a man, and unless something really changes I will die a man! Yes, I do crossdress simply because I love the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing. I started wearing my sisters panties at age 6, and have crossdressed most of the time since then. But I have NEVER wanted to be a woman, and have never had sex with anyone other my late wife!! I like to dress as a woman, but that is as far as it goes!! BTW, with my wife no longer available to do the work I no longer wear makeup or a wig when I go out dressed enfemme!! Just a man in feminine clothing!

I always dress in female clothing, but I'm fairly discrete and don't put on makeup, wear breast forms and hip padding, go out in a dress, or try to pass in any way, because my voice would give me away, along with muscular arms and such. Yes, I wouldn't mind being a girl, just to try it out, but probably not if it was permanent. I would probably want to try it all out, including having sex with men, and trying to get the right ones to take interest in me without looking like a tramp. I would want to feel what it was like to be a woman, and having to survive in a "man's world". I don't think I would want to stay that way, though. I've always been mostly OK with being a guy, when it all comes down to it.

I wouldn't want a to change my designated sex, I don't want to have sex with men while I'm in any mode, and I respect the right of women to be the only ones who consistently get to behave like women. I'm fine with letting nature be, I just like wearing the clothes and dreaming about what it would be like to be a girl once in a while.

MMmm...Do I know what it takes to be a woman?
May I ask in return, Do you know what it takes to be a woman?
I'm not asking to be silly, I'm just presenting the question.
Certainly you know what it takes to be female, but does that make one a woman? This seems more philosophical than anything else and if that is the case then do any of us have the true answer?

While I'm not TS, I am more than CD and personally it is not the panties, the stockings, the heels, the skirts or the physical attributes of a female that drive me to express my feminine side. Actually I don't know what the motivator is. Had I been able to answer that question at some point during my life I would most likely be in a different place than I am now. I don't feel that anyone can tell me why I feel as I do, but it's not because I covet the clothes deemed feminine by society. Those articles simply allow me to present to the world the image that expresses my inner feelings.
Over time I've discovered that I don't need sexy lingerie or exotic dresses and heels to feel the way I need to feel. That is accomplished as well in jeans and t-shirt.

No, I probably cannot tell you what it is to be a woman, but then I cannot tell you what it is to be a man either.
Society has it's perception of each and I believe we all have our own definition.

What if I said I don't have what it takes? Does that somehow invalidate me? If so, to whom, and do I really care if those people consider my actions to be illegitimate? I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, so such questions are lost on me. I do what I do because I like it...not because I want some sort of social acceptance.

KaliBrooke makes a good point, what exactly is this secret "womanness" you feel that men lack.

Its an issue I've struggled with for a very long time, how do you really know what you are, what does being a woman actually feel like, and if I feel like that and not a man and am therefore a transsexual, how would I know because I just feel the same as ever, there's nothing to compare it to, I'll always be "me" and innately feel like me. In which case reverse the question, do I feel like a man?, what do other men feel like inside. I don't think that makes sense, but I'm trying to say its impossible to compare one person to another regardless of gender when you take away social constructs.

Is it any harder to "have what it takes" to be a woman then it is to be a genetic male who needs to be one at any point on a sliding scale of under dressing to having transitioned full time, both bring with them there own set of problems, trials, and joy in any ratio you can think of, its down to the individuals experience. Is it really more than shoes? for most / some people of course it is, but some no it isn't, there are people on both sides of the genetic divide who embrace traits of the other without ever considering themselves transgendered, so there must be something more to the need of dressing as the opposite sex. For some there is going to be a fetishistic element to it, but I can't speak to that because its not what I get out of my chosen "lifestyle" (for want of a better word)

You did ask for mainly CD responses, and whilst I have no idea what I am I'm pretty certain I fall quite far away from that definition, but from your question it sounds like a challenge, asking people to justify who they are to you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

On occasion, the FAB forum mods will receive a request from an anonymous GG to post a question in the MtF forum. I've received such a request this evening:



EDIT - The GG in question just contacted me in response to post #4, to say this question is indeed asked to Crossdressers and not TSs. The body parts thread she refers to is a thread in the MtF and not the TS section. There are many responses, mostly from CDs:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...asts-or-Vagina

And also, she refers to the many posts throughout the MtF section where CDs say they are hetero in guy mode, but they want to be with men when dressed.

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Dear Anonymous GG,

My simplest answer is "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". In truth for me, I am a heterosexual male who enjoys the beauty of crossdressing. I do not know what it truly takes to BE a woman as I have never been a woman. I have emulated women whom I have observed in my life and all in all it has just been me with some feminine attributes added on whilst dressed in my pretty finery. I have no desire to change my gender, nor have I ever enteratined the thought. Sometimes it really irks me to read some of the posts you referenced with regard to "What female body parts do you want" or "I desire to be with men ONLY when dressed but I am hetero". By the very definition of being bisexual If one desires intimacy with BOTH genders they are classifed as bisexual. I have never had the desire to have intimate relations with a man, while some intimate encounters with my own female partners involved what some would probably call leaning toward bisexuality, since it was not with a genetic male, it is only chalked up to being "kinky". A dear TS friend of mine once said when asked what she was answered "I'm more man than you shall ever be, and more woman than you shall ever obtain". I think that about sums up my thinking with regard to being a TG.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Anonymous GG
To Crossdressers:

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc.

On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

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Seems to be more of a statement than a question. Where's the ?

I understand there's a lot more to being a woman than clothing, make up etc. If I were a TS I might be more interested in going to arts & craft shows or getting hormone treatments. There's no way IMO of crossdressers knowing what it's really like to be a female. Just as there's no way for a female to know everything about being male. But most CDs are much more in tune with women's feelings than most men, don't ya think?

I believe one would have to experience truly being the opposite sex to really know what it's like. As a CD, I can only wonder and imagine - although I've never imagined myself as having babies. In conclusion, how many GGs really understand what it's like to be a MtF CD?

Originally Posted by Anonymous GG
I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman. It's more than just clothing, shoes, makeup, and female parts. I've read how some of you want to embrace being a female but I've only read posts on things like pretty panties, stockings, and dresses or which female body part would some of you like to have etc, which makes me feel this is very physical and like one big slumber party on the forums.

You seem to be doing some selective reading. There are plenty of threads on all sorts of things. I agree there are many about the more shallow elements to being/appearing as a woman. Part of that is those things are in the reach of almost everyone. Many CDs don't even contemplate something deeper because it is not economically or socially possible for them. They do the bare minimum that will make them feel a little better.

It is also much easier to discuss clothing and makeup with strangers than the hard to describe feelings of loneliness and wrongness. Though many of us are not TS, we have a deeper connection to the female side than just dressing-up. When we don't even understand it ourselves, it can be extremely difficult to frame into words for others.

Originally Posted by Anonymous GG
On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side...

I might say more accurately that it's a different type of grass. I've been married 33 years and also have a 30 year old daughter so I am intimately familiar with just what good and bad go with being female. Would you admit that women are treated differently than men in almost all social situations? I know they are and much prefer how women interact than how men do. And I know all the physical and emotional pain that can be experienced by a women in our world. I would willingly take the good with the bad if given that choice.

Now note that there are many recreational CDers who have no interest in anything but the fun. I don't think they reflect the majority of us, but that's just a guess.

"I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether or not you know what it takes to be a woman."

Not a clue! Do YOU KNOW what it takes to be a man? Neither do I! And, I r one!



"Sure some might admire women and I get that. I admire a lot of people too, but in turn I don't try and imitate them by dress etc."

It has NOTHING to do with "admiration" for ME. And, everything to do with attraction! Dressing is an unbelievable exciting hi for me! I can no more explain it to u, than u can explain to me what being a woman is like!



"On another note, do you really think that the grass is greener on the other side.."

Just like a woman! I don't get this! What precisely do u mean? Judging from the other replies, the other members here aren't sure either!

I dress for a lot of reasons. I first had the urge at a young age, about 14, vur did not fully dress until 51! I have never been married, been a lonely, but artistic and expressive male, yet was stuck on blue collar jobs, including gravedigger. I don't think very many women have a clue about the stark lonliness, rejection, and inner sorrow many men are afflicted with. Dressin up as an attractive lady, is one diversion and escape from my lonely world, as an unwanted male, in a female dominated America, where men are not needed anymore.It is fun, thrilling, tet a lot of work. I realize that women have the opposite problem, of too many men hitting on them. I have personal ads out there as my male self, and almst never have a response. I also have personals out there. as my lady self. Almost everyday, new guys are hitting on my lady ad!

Keep trying to respond to this thoughtful thread. Kudos to the OP and the responders. I get tears in my eyes when I go back to the onion analogy (chuckle, bad one I know) but it fits in with the emotional development we all go through as we progress from a child (newbie) to an adult (person reaching their stable level of activity). There is nothing wrong with slumber parties, juvenile talk, etc. I think the majority of the GG went through that as they grew up. When we first recognize we are CD we are as children. We may be a mature male, but we know nothing about what we are programmed to do, express our femme side. What little girl didnt get her fingernails painted by Mom, and what little boy didnt get disappointed when he was told no. and what little boy didnt get delighted when Mom loved him as much as his sister.

The slumber parties of the juvenile GG where they did the girly stuff and talked the girly stuff was expected at that stage of their life. I responded to the panty color thread, because for a lot of us, we are in the juvenile stage of our development, but have to deal with matured capabilities, hence the dichotomy in our behavior. Sure we know it is trivial, but it is developmentally appropriate IMHO. Most will mature and progress to other concerns, eventually reaching a stable level of development. For some that may be SRS, for others they will never get closer to it than reading the wonderful posts and seeing the joy of those who do realize their dreams. We all have dreams. Can I explain them no way, but I believe in them, and know that my femme side has taken a larger bite of my heart and brain that i gave it credit for a long time. Now it is fighting back, and if I go overboard, so be it. I fault my male side for supressing my femme side for so long, so without compromising my very necessary male side, my girl is going to let it all out til she drops, just part of my maturing. i only hope that I mature I can approach the sensibility of a GG without becoming one. To gain that, my self needs to experience in a rather short time all the things you as a GG experienced over your lifetime that made you what you are today. Not all, I know, but each experience is a progression.

Sorry to babble, but isnt that what young girls do, and I am just a toddler in an adult body.

Babes

Wow, I have so much to add. And yet, after reading the preceding posts, I would say that I have nothing to add, other than my agreement.

Yes, Anonymous GG, you will certainly see many posts about the external things. For some of us, it is all we'll ever know. Guys, being the visual creatures that we are, tend to key on what we see. What we see is what we know, essentially. You will also see some posts from those that 'get it.' You will see those here who understand that it isn't what we look like. It isn't what we buy or wear or do, but what is in our hearts and minds. As Sara said, there are things under the surface. We may not know what it is to be women, never being one, but we are men. We know what it is like, both through who we are, who our peers are, and who we are socialized to be. Some of us here know what a man is supposed to be, and we see ourself . . . lacking, if that's the right word. So, in a binary society, if you're not one, you're the other, right? :)

As for the slumber party aspect, yes. I can see that. This is a place where we can engage in many types of fantasies, and have people who won't look down on us for it. It is a place of support. Because of that support, sometimes anything goes, and the conversation topics run from the interesting to the inane.

:)

Kathi

For me, it's not about being female nor admiration for females. Nor is it about trying to emulate or imitate being female.

It's all about the clothes. How they feel, and how I feel in them.

When I first started, out of simple curiosity, it just felt right for some reason. I chalk it up to being trans, not as a fetish.

And being trans means different things to everyone. There is a wide variety of being trans, so some may be more feminine than others, etc. etc.

When my wife asked me a similar question, she wanted to know why I needed to wear a wig and makeup. I explained that I don't need to, and would be perfectly fine with just wearing a skirt out and about. Her response was, not with me you wouldn't. She'd rather I wore the wig and makeup out and about if she's with me.

I really worry that the Anonymous GG is not going to get what she needs from this thread. This morning I corrected another poster for interpreting the question as bitter or negative but the more I read it the more, like others have commented here, it reads like she is afraid to ask the question she really needs the answer to and that question is one she must address to her own partner. The question has made some people here defensive, some defiant, some flippant and some gloriously generous and supportive; but no answer she can get from us will be valid for her own relationship. Did she anticipate we would give her a reply she could use to slap her partner in the face? Did she hope the voice of this forum could reassure her the he is faithful, isn't going to turn into a woman, isn't going to embarrass her in public? Her question seems so full of unspoken upset and anger (I accept I could be totally wrong, but her need to stay anonymous unfolds a panoply or possible interpretations.)

I had misgivings when this post came out about the wisdom of allowing people to ask anonymous questions in this way, but didn't have time to reflect on what was causing those misgivings. I asked Reine if it was "fair" and she essentially replied that it was necessary for the GG. That's a different adjective. I don't think, GG, you have asked the question you need the answer to. I think you are hurting, scared and angry and I'm really worried that our replies here won't soothe, reassure or calm you.

Me:

I label this side of me Rachel to help me understand and describe it but I feel both the man and the woman inside of me at all times. To me, we are both the same person, coexisting. I dress because when I do, the woman inside of me leaps for joy at being free to express herself in my behaviour after so many decades of neglect and suppression. Simultaneously the man inside me celebrates release from having to keep up the preposterous pantomime of masculinity. The answer to all your questions is, no I do not have the temerity to think I can understand what it means to "be a woman" in the way you mean it, but that is only one of several ways to mean it. Yes some discussions on here are very puerile but it won't help you to judge us, nor your partner, by the frivolous banter of anonymised alter egos seeking psychological release from the strain of lying to the world about who we are inside.

I genuinely hope you resolve whatever issue caused you to want to ask this question. Best wishes, anonymous GG.

I thought it was just fantasy. Isnt it? This dressing in womens cloths thing. Just make believe.Our ts sisters might not agree but even they cannot enter
the world of established beliefs and traditions of female orthodoxy.When I was a young boy sneaking into moms girdle drawer it was pure pleasure, anonymous
and alone, guilt and fear.I am still guilty and afraid but now with money and privacy, I think some of my most unrealistic desires ARE attainable (thanks
Eluuzion).

I tried and tried to find a Dallas cowboys cheerleading outfit and finally, eventhough two sizes too small, I got one.And I danced around my room and
sang and cheered until my matching white boots cut off the circulation to my big toes.So I spent the rest of that evening soaking my feet in Epson salt
and cursing the moon..........gg baby, its just dress up.......dana

I've read the OP's original questions a couple of times. I still see it as condascending to CDers. Maybe it's the way it's worded.

It isn't a slumber party, it's CD girls just having fun and posting thoughts. How can a genetic male know what it feels like to be a real genetic woman? Grass greener on the other side? Bad question I think. Imitating women, no for the most part. Just doing our thing.

It's like how dare you play around and pretend to be a woman. You think it's easy being a woman?