Taking time off from crossdressing -- is it possible?

Hi everyone,

Having gotten so much great feedback and support on this forum so far, here goes...I am a relatively new CD, having discovered this about myself less than 2 years ago. My wife has known for a month and is on and off about whether she can stand it or even likes it.

In the past month, I've found myself compelled to read everything I can, to learn as much as I can, to try to understand this part of myself and why it just seems to grow. I don't know if in the end I will find myself wanting to go 24-7 en femme or even transition, or whether I will find reasonable limits and settle down to an occasional fling of dressing.

But right now my family has big problems: my job is on a contract and we now know it won't be renewed when it expires this summer. So It's urgent that I get another job, that we find another place to live (probably), and that's a lot of upheaval for anyone.

My wife basically says: can't you take time off from the dressing so that we can focus on what really needs to happen? It sounds logical, but emotionally I feel so much power in the dressing that on some level I think it might be a more important part of me than the part that needs another job.

Any advice? Is it reasonable to take some time (3-6 months or so ) off? Is it even possible? Or should I, having started this exploration, just continue it until I know where it leads?

thanks, everyone.

elizabethamy

I'm in the exact same position except that I do not have children but had to move back in with my family after a contract expired.
I haven't dressed in months and I do get moments, at least once a month where I just have to get it out!
I know people of the forums will give you great advice, however for the short term you might have to put it aside until things get stable. You can pick it up again as life steadies.

You can always take a day off somewhere to enjoy it, a couple times a month. Then there are aspects of dressing that you can incorporate into your male life like wearing women's clothes that pass for male (jackets, trouser socks, even some patterned tights look male from the ankle down...yet the sensation screams female.
These are not the answers by any means, but that they can soothe oneself until full time options open up.

Aslo surely talk to a therapist to see where your feelings are at. Maybe you do want to transition?? That is a much more intense complication that will slowly pick at your soul.

Time off comes and goes. I've gone for as long as a year and a half without dressing. However, I wasn't repressing anything. I just didn't feel the need to dress during all that time. And the same way it went away, it came back one day, on its own, without advance notice. The times I tried to repress myself were the worst; not only did I fail, but also I was often in a foul mood

So, my answer to you and your wife would be to forget the "time off" idea. For her to expect that you'll stop and for you to actually believe you can do it, is a double whammy, IMO. It would be more constructive to agree on some rules and boundaries that you are both comfortable with. This way, she feels protected and you don't need to repress yourself any more than you have already repressed along the years.

Good luck!

As Gabi notes, we all sometimes expereince times when we lose interest in dressing. Don't know why - it just happens. But its not necessarily a concious choice, and I don't see how taking time off from CDing will help with the other uncertainties in your life.

My best advice would be to make sure that you don't let dressing get in the way of meeting your responsibilities, and finding a new job, if that's whats needed. Make sure that your wife understands that your top priority is your family, and that dressing in no way diminishes your commitment to meet your family's needs...physical and emotional.

A balance must be achieved.
We all feel that this is the most important thing in our lives at some point, but in order to maintain sanity and family you need to be able to put things in perspective. One thing my wife asked me at first is to not let this over run our lives and affect our friends and family. I assured her it would not and while there are times I feel it is the most important thing to me I know that I need to put her first. That has helped her to accept this part of me and be there at all times, since she knows I will be there too.

Yeah... I took 10 years off. Didn't even think about it. Till I started treatment for a brain tumor and it came back.... With a vengeance. Boom! Lol.

Sometimes life gets in the way--so just go with the flow--do what and when you can................Debra

I feel it's hard to be forced into anything, I under stand family and work abligations and I have stopped for short times but sooner or later Patty just has to come out. Try to do so in the privicy of you own home, you don't have to let it run your life.

It is about priorities. I have taken years off (years ago) but saw that as trying to stop rather than a sojourn. Of course you can stop for a while! You just say goodbye to ElizabethAmy for while... pack all the kit away so it does not become a distraction, and then do what is required. When it is over and the situation returns to allow her to return, welcome her back wholeheartedly. You will really enjoy that experience.

I sometimes look at these episodes from this angle... I am really ElizabethAmy, but I going to become a full time FTM crossdresser for 3 months! i.e. I am her inside, just dressed in men's clothing! But she will be back! :heehee:

Yes it is possible, I wouldn't purge anything it will come back with a vengeance at least it does for me.

During my 33 year marraige I rarely dressed enfemme, since my wifes death I dress enfemme nearly all the time, even though I suffered one purge early on and another purge that lasted about a week. At this stage in my life I cant stop dressed. I must be true to my urges.

I have taken periods of time off from dressing and suffered no withdrawal. In hindsight.. I still did things like body shaving and voice training. So maybe I never really took time off. But I didn't dress or put on make up.

Spending went down a lot when I wasn't dressing. CD expenses were low so maybe that's what your wife is getting at.

Elizabethamy,
I have repressed it for years at a time, but I have know I have been dressing in one form or another since I was 14 years old. I don't say this is the right thing to do though. I hid it from my wife for years and then it would come back with a vengence. Not a good thing. Balance is the key. Now that my wife is fully aware of Sara there is balance that both of us have agreed upon. That is the key. Sure you can put it away but what happens when Elizabethamy comes back and you don't have control of her. Talk to your wife, as long as you are putting your priorities first, ie: your family and your welfare then there is time for Elizabethamy.
If you find it controlling your every thought I would suggest that you seek out a counselor. Just my two cents. Good luck on finding a new position and home if it comes to that.
Hugs

From what I can see you need to make your family your first priority, which means finding a stable job and (if needed) moving to a new location. You can still keep exploring this new part of your life when you have some time. If the desire wanes during this time, don't worry. It happens to many of us at one time or another.

Good Luck!

Yes, it's definatly possible, I have been known to go 10 to 15 miniuts at a time, usually while in the shower.

Yes, it is definitely possible!! Crossdressing urges are in your mind, as they are in every crossdresser! Do you control your mind, or does it control you? If you do control your mind you are able to do whatever you want to do! On the other hand, if you are at the mercy of a crossdressing mind you will not want to stop. As some others have said, you will keep dressing! That is because they, those who have expressed their views, believe that you cannot stop!!

But you can, IF YOU WANT TO!! As I said, crossdressing is entirely controlled by your mind!! Well, if you were born partially female then is some other control! But if you were born a man, which I assume you were, it is totally in your mind! You do it because you like to! So if you want to stop, you have to change your thinking. Some years ago, after marriage and 2 children, I decided that crossdressing was not a good thing for my family. My dear wife knew that I was a CD when we married, and fully supported my activities. She agreed with me stopping and I did completely!! 5 years later she asked me to start dressing again because she missed Stephanie in her life!! I did start dressing again, and have continued to do so. My dear wife passed away from cancer 6 years ago, but I do still dress.

But as I said, I did stop, and if my children want me to do it again I will. I did it and so can you! All it takes is will power!!!

sure you can take time off...a job.
but how do you take time off a life?

you can cut way back, like only under dress in panties. box up the other underwear. and dresses. yes the family, home, job must come first.
but watch out and do a good balance and it does work out.
just let the pink fog blow away for a time. and maybe your wife will come to accept you even more.

.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Yeah... I took 10 years off. Didn't even think about it. Till I started treatment for a brain tumor and it came back.... With a vengeance. Boom! Lol.

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Same for me. It was a 7-year hiatus. Marriage ended in separation and eventual divorce (nothing to do with crossdressing, though) I bundled up every article of female clothing I had and purged it all in a garbage bag at the curb. Moved to a new town, and like Karren, I never gave it another thought. Until 2 years ago when it hit me again like a proverbial ton of bricks.

So, yes....of course it is possible. But be prepared for the sonic boom when it comes back (and it will)

hi Elizabeth!
I'm not sure, but as far as I could read from your posts in the forum, you don't seem to be someone who would put family business behind any other issue. my first question would be, are you getting distracted by crossdressing? is it affecting the search for a new job? you said that your gender discovery may be more important for you, but that wouldn't be a problem as far as you keep practical (and important) things first.
you should investigate in yourself, if needed, if the crossdressing is involved with the current status of your family. do you think you are hiding from reality while you dress? if so, how much? a little is ok, so you can relieve the pressure; a lot is bad, cause that comfort would be elusive (and guilty). but whether you need to take a break, or investigate further, in order to take control again, is up to you. if you're very affected by your gender issue, putting it aside may be very bad for you and your family. even though, one knows that one needs to do in order to fullfill its responsabilities (specially family business when the whole is more important than the self).

however if you think your crossdressing is adequate, that you're not running from what you need to do, maybe all you need is to reassure your wife that you're not letting the pink fog take over your family responsabilities. in a situation like that (job, moving) we all get more vulnerable, and she just might be afraid. communicate... and negotiate ^ ^

best wishes for the both of you ;x

I was in the closet for so many years I don't ever want to go back. That being said, there were many times I took a break from dressing as long as a year to reorganize my life. It seems as if you have a lot on your plate right now so in my opinion taking a break might be in your best interest. Once you have established a new order you can resume dressing with great zest and zeal.

yes it is possible to take a break from it for as long as you want to do what you feel you need to do
if you need more info send message and I will answer any ?? you may have

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Originally Posted by Scarlet Rose

I am not sure your logic is correct or maybe your wife's. Are you neglecting to do things you should be doing but are dressing instead? If you are then she has a point. If you aren't then you aren't neglecting anything so what's the problem.
Also, yes I believe anyone can stop being self indulgent when more important 'survival' issues are knocking at the door. I may be a minority in this view though.

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I'm confused, too, Liz! After a long, hard day at work I can come home to a glass of wine, CD.com, or turn into Sherry for the evening. Why can't u do the same thing? Why do u have to go cold turkey? All or nothing?

Which I don't advise u doing! The more u stop yourself from dressing, the more it may tend to occupy your every waking thot! Cheryl mentioned balance. NOT dressing during a very stressful period in your life sounds VERY counter productive to me!

As an SO, I see one thing that hasn't been mentioned directly in any of the responses yet. You state that your wife "is on and off about whether she can stand it or even likes it." I see the CD'ing being an added stress on her, especially since she has only known about it for a month. And now with the job situation, the potential upcoming relocation and everything else, she is feeling frightened and worried to the "n"th degree about what the future holds. In many ways she is not in control. She can't control your job, or the impending move. Maybe she is asking you for help to try and control something she feels is within the control of you two together as a couple. Maybe she feels that if she didn't have to worry about the CD'ing for right now, she could get through the other issues with strength focused on the family. Then once things are settled again, she can re-address the CD'ing.

I realize I am a worrier. And this colors my response to this. But maybe my feelings will help you understand where your wife MIGHT be coming from. Since my husband has come out to me about his dressing within the past 9 months, CD'ing has taken up a lot of my thoughts. It was something I had never really thought about before. Not something I grew up around. Probably not something I ever expected to be exposed to, or to have to think about. But now I've been thrown in at the deep end and I find myself spending 95% of my time thinking, reading, worrying and trying to understand CD'ing. If I were faced with my husband's potential job loss and a relocation in the near future, the CD'ing would be just one more burden for me to worry about.

I also realize how important your dressing is to you. And the research you have been doing, trying to understand yourself, where you are in your life, and where this could all be leading. I commend you for it. And I do agree with all the suggestions that you have to find a balance as you move through this time. I just wanted to offer a possible window into what your wife might be going through at this time. Maybe it's time for a frank discussion with her.. where you listen and try to get her to tell you where she is at this point.

This is said with the utmost respect for you. My thoughts are with you and your wife.

Just Elizabeth

Good Luck and hope everyhting works out!

Heck, I've done it occasionally for years at a time and haven't died from withdrawal yet!

:)
jenn

Yes it is possible with alot of determination. No, it is no fun.

It's possible in exactly the same way it always has been - suppression. Assuming, that is, that your recent emergence is evidence of this. You have more work to do with your wife. She does not understand the role it plays in your psyche ("focus on what really needs to happen"). Do you? This is new to you.

As an alternative to completely stopping, you can try discussing set-aside times that will allow you to continue for now at a mutually-acceptable frequency. Remember, this is new to her, too.

Like everyone else, I can testify to dressing coming back with a vengeance. More so the longer it is suppressed.

Lea

Always take care of family and job considerations first. The rest will come as time allows.

Well good replies regarding taking care of priorities over dressing. Now here is a question to ponder. If you lose the desire to dress because of priorities is it good or bad? Well in my opinion its neither . Dressing is not a good or bad thing its just is. Its something thats an interest or is there. Its a taste.

So if you lose interest in dressing for a period, its ok its where your natural feelings take you.

Everyone is different. When I took time off from it I started to suffer from depression and spent years on them drugs for depression and it still didn't help. I have seen it different for everyone and how they deal with it. I myself gave up the cross dressing a few months when I decided to transition. Now I don't suffer from depression. This site has a lot of good opinions.

Family first or you suffer from narcissism.

thanks so much, everyone. i'm seeking some kind of balance. so much wisdom and a few good jokes in your responses. it's hard to keep my head on straight with all this, and your advice, even though it's a bit all over the map like life itself, really helps. bless you all.

elizabethamy

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Originally Posted by Meg East

Family first or you suffer from narcissism.

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I might suggest, ever so gently, that whether this is prioritization issue critically depends on whether the OP's CDing falls into the hobby, "just" dressing, "taste", etc. categories - or stems from something more fundamental. So sure, a guy won't prioritize a hobby down the list, then he's being a self-centered jerk. The OP needs to tread more carefully otherwise. The recency of the dressing doesn't necessarily make it more dismissable, either.

So again, elizabethamy, do you actually know yet what's going on in your head.