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There have been a number of threads asking "What if?"
I'm interested in what each of you is doing, today, to improve your life as a CDr and/or transgendered person. Are you taking any concrete actions, and if so, what steps are you taking and are they working?
Moving/transitioning from long-time underdressing to full femme private dressing (with one recent meeting with a number of other CDs and TGs in a private home). Next is a planned full makeover to go out en femme for the day (jeans, blouse and sandals) and then later that evening too (LBD and high heels). If all that goes well ....
Hello Kim,
I have not posted in a while. I tried to push all this trans/cd'er stuff out of my life. Almost sorry to say this here, but it is the truth, threw it all out again. I did not have much stuff, I knew I was going to try to make a break for it at some point....
Yes I am dressing again, every day in fact at home in my 1000 sq foot closet.
To answer the question, I am going to accept myself for what I am, today at least. I feel wonderful when I am dressed up. So much of me is feminine, would have been great to be a GG, but here I am having this experience of being somewhere in the middle, life is interesting and my perspective is fresh and open.
So I am giving myself permission to be a girl today, to be true to myself.
Interesting time to be answering this question. Have not had any interest in past two weeks although visited here often and do not seem depressed, just repressed. Seem to have bad dose of ennui related to dressing. On a positive note, think about it frequently. So, more inaction.
good question, kim!
I'm intensively in therapy to try to discover why such a strong compulsion, why now, what is the extent of my transgenderism, how do i live with it without destroying my marriage, etc. investigating endocrine questions and trying without a lot of success to find a comfort level. It's really, really hard. Even without hormones, I pulled the car over on the way to work this morning and cried real girly tears, which is incredibly rare for me.
[SIZE="4"]Epillating more and more, looking into contacts so my eyes will look better, and looking forward to a full makeover to see what's possible with my face! With me, everything is pretty much incremental improvements.[/SIZE]
Funny I was thinking the same thing this morning.... Doing my morning exercises.... finished waxing all the hair off my body.... Plucked my eye brows.... Doing my daily breast enhancing.... Cinched up my corset..... Wondering where I'm going and where it will end. Been a hell of a ride over the last decade. From aging over weight guy to what I've become....
Does self tattooing a larger areola count? Lol.
Hi Kim! I'm building my girls wardrobe, perfecting my femme look and booked enfemme vacations away from this transphobic town with my wife. I'm finally happy in my own skin. I'm dealing with a bit of gender dysphoria since the femme side is so strong. It seems manageable so far.:)
Funny you should ask this question at this time.I've been in a kind of funk lately and thinking along this line.I guess my daily routine of excercise,diet and deportment are a permanent part of my life now brought on by my CDing.I seem to be happier,less judemental,and a bit more rounder in my total attitude so I guess that would be improvement.
Lisa
Kim, pretty much living my life the way I want... feminine. I've bought a house, a car, do all my household and clothing shopping as the "me" I know myself to be. I try everyday to put on a pretty face, a confident face, a happy face. I have met some incredibly wonderful people along my journey. I have found that being respectful of them earns their respect of me. What I do everyday to improve my life is to believe in myself. Shame and contentment cannot coexist. I am content.
I watch my weight more, take better care of my health and in general am more respectful of others and more tolerant than I used to be.
Having earlier downerized the thread with a somewhat anguished post, I would also like to add just how happy it makes me to be able to dress a few times a week and to integrate my feminine side (whatever percentage of my whole self it might be) into my life. One of the things I've been "doing" without realizing it is moving from being nervous and weird and ashamed about things femme and enjoying the insights and wholeness that experiencing it brings me. That internal change has improved my life a great deal, and I'm guessing that the influence of lots of supportive and nice folks on this forum has helped me get to this place.
elizabethamy
I don't know if I would call them improvements, but rather just additional steps to make my life as a CD easier. I pluck my brows, epilate rather than shave my legs and arms, am doing electrolysis to eliminate the shaving, use clear nail strengthening polish, paint my toenails bright colors during the winter closed shoes in male mode season, pluck my eyebrows and keep checking things off my bucket list of things to do en femme, and finally I make sure I get out as much as possible. A true improvement for me in my life as a whole would be to bring back a little more balance with my other real life as a guy.
I'm taking a GIANT step to the side or backwards......as I found out my wife joined match.com and plans on dating. Mostly my fault btw. There's lots of stuff going on in my life and very little good at this point. Very very very sad.......:(
Like others, lately I've been exercising more and have dropped another 15 lb over what my old "maintenance" weigt was. I've tried to tone up, been lightly shaping my brows (mostly cleaning up the unibrow and strays) and (biggest change) been tweezing/shaving bod hair and just today got my first epilator. The mrs has been concerned about me going smooth-skinned (she enjoyed my belly hair) but has been understanding of me wanting to do little things for myself. My CD'ing is known of (at least my affinity for the occasional bra or hosiery) but the word "crossdresser" never really enters the conversation. So basically, just making baby steps, find what feels good, what works for us both, and trying not to ruin what little good things we have going - like couples mani/pedis at the beauty college ;)
Kim,
This thread certainly focuses on action as opposed to wishes. Actions are much harder and meaningful because they demonstrate commitment. I'd even say they're evidence of courage and bravery. Which is more courageous and alternative, a tattoo or bright pink nail polish? Answering the question you pose, I've just begun making sure I have a noticeable feminine clue when I can't dress fully en femme in public. Right now, the clue is my bright fingernails. I always carry my purse, too, and it isn't a "man bag" either. I'm surprised at how noticeable a bag, feminine top, makeup, and/or painted nails are when the rest of me is dressed male-like. I think I get more attention doing that than going all-out en femme. Now that I think about it, my en drab mode isn't completely drab; I seem to have two or three things going on even then. Ha ha! I love my life.
A few months ago I finally shaved off my moustache, one I've had a long time. It's not going to come back. I keep my legs, underarms and arms hair free. I carry a bag, closest thing to a purse my wife will let me carry endrab, and an obviously female walllet. Attempting to grow my nails longer with clear nail strengthener and keeping my toenails painted, not sure about this in the summer though. And as CherylT I am watching my weight more.
I have made a commitment to get out in public more this year, I really do need this. Since admitting and accepting who I am, I will say, (as someone else did here some time ago) I'm not transitioning (yet) but I am making allowances.
AnitaH
About three months ago my wife informed me that she had joined Match.com and urged me to do the same (we seperated in Dec and no I did not join Match.com). She said to me to look at this as a opportunity for growth, for both of us. She worries about me and the path that I'll be going down (but she doesn't want to be on that path with me). She has been on dates with several men, don't know what went on and I don't want to know. She has pretty much decided that the marriage is over and wants to move on but is in no hurry for a divorce. We still get along fine with each other and we both love each other, but we won't be going back to the way it was.Quote:
Originally Posted by kristinacd55
I too considered it was my fault (if I had done this differently or hadn't said that, that kind of reasoning) until I realized that I don't, and can't, control what she does and does not do and more importantly, it's both of our faults (we're both to blame). So I understand what you're going through and I feel for you.
As the orginal thread: I've been growing my hair back out and will stop somewhere around the middle of my back (I used to have it long but my wife hated it so I had been keeping it short for the last few years). I also been wear dangling earrings all the time (I like them better) for the last couple of months instead of just posts. Plan on going to a TS/TG meeting tomorrow night for the first time (pretty nervous). Have painted toenails all the time (my daughter did them the first time).
I guess looking at it like a opportunity actually has helped me to work harder on trying to figure out just who I am.
All in all, it seems to have helped me feel better about myself. My therapist (who I've been seeing since Dec, 10) was telling me today that she can tell that I'm becoming more and more feminine in appearance and mannerisms then we first meet (mostly within the last couple of months) as I come out of my shell and move towards expressing the me that has been hidden for forever.
I've realized that I am her and he is about to leave the building permanently. :D I'm so happy that I think I'm in a dream, but its not.
Hi,
How have i changed , why have i changed.
Jos saw a few body changes tho not any big ones just nice little ones,
my best change has been over the last 16 years is ,
I can express myself in a way i could never fully do. before & that to me is just so so neat,
its allways been there, because of being born male / female & yet in many ways i was nether, just there tho not ether male or female a funny place to be like your in no mans land ,
The change has not been from one to the other, its being able to be both yet express my self as a female & as a woman, that for myself has been great,
How do i put it your on a fantastic ride & you see all around you as you go along you can see the maleness & you see the femaleness as well yet you know your both its not one or the other, both are so closely related yet theres some things about you that shows you , you are a woman who has some male traits that are nice tho not in every way, part of being who you are,
Other details / changes , being accepted , how i interact with women being a part with them not seen as male just as a woman. my manerisims ,
One thing for myself is i dont put on a act , its the real who i am , Jos would tell you more about my changes because she has known me for 37 years so would know me better than i do well to put up with me she would need to,& do we grow up. oh dear , i think so,
...noeleena...
Rachel, its seems that you and your wife are heading towards an amicable parting of ways. I'm sad to see any relationship end, but I guess that like so many parts of life, relationships can run their course and sometimes it is better for people to move on. It seems that you've grown, and though your wife doesn't want to follow this path, the two of you retain an affection that may endure long after the marriage. That's not a bad thing.
I'm so glad thay youre finding the resolve to express yourself - at considerable cost. I hope that you'll find it all worthwhile!
Kim
Does getting new hair count? :) I'm just working on self improvement, mostly on wittling my gut off and trying to work on mannerisms. I saw ribs and abs for the first time in a long, long time yesterday so the workouts are definitely improving.
I have grown my nails long and they are often painted. My eyebrows are shaped and plucked. My legs are shaved smooth but the biggest change is, (deep breath), I have just ordered a long skirt and when it arrives I am going to wear it instead of trousers when I am out grocery shopping or whatever.
Increasing the number night out with friends as Jess from a couple a month to a couple a week!
I've been out more as Nikki and come out to more people that know me. Also more comfortable being out dressed, more of a don't give a damn who finds out LOL.
Nikki has become more of a part of who I am rather than a separate entity. My wardrobe has expanded and I find myself wearing more fem clothing, jewelry & sometimes a little make up while still in drab mode. I'm also planning on coming out to my kids very soon especially since it seems that my son will be moving back home after college graduation (no, he did get a good job and it is not far from home). I don't think I'll want to hide it from him anymore and I think he'll be accepting if maybe a little bewildered.
In the last 4 years or so i have shaped my eyebrows shaved my whole body including my goatee which i had for years .I keep my toenails painted in the winter and lately have been shopping way braver than i ever did .I have had long hair for years but lately have got it cut in a bob type style it is definately a girls hair cut
Ok, so I may get slightly off topic here but I promise its all with the intent on explaining an answer to your question Kim! (especially since I'm new/coming back after years away). But I fall into the category of a girl who is still also in love with their male side, but also with their female side. I consider myself extremely lucky to have come to what I feel is a solid conclusion on how my enfemme side fits into my overall life and have accepted the role Kaite plays. A huge help for me in that process was last year after graduating from graduate school, I became involved with a transgendered woman who really did a lot to open my male side up to my female side. So along those lines, I'm not necessarily looking to make permenant changes, but still have done some additional things for those times when I like to bring Kaite out. Its a nice escape from the pressures of the male life and a good feeling to be feminine. So after being long winded (is there anyone still reading?? lol), when dressing (just as recently as this weekend :) ) I now shape my eyebrows and shave my legs (I am a diabetic with a stent for the pump in my leg, so I use that excuse for why they are shaved) to improve my cd "life". It feels so much better and "cuter" to have legs shaved with stockings and a skirt :) So does that count as an impovement? :P Thanks for reading the novel all and I hope to discuss more topics with you all! All of you on this site are incredibly strong girls, and I look up to you all!
Way to much to list !! But its alot ,
Well Kim, I have gone from wanting to dress up and only doing it periodically to actually dressing up and becoming a girl. A lot of this is because I'm a student and have moved out of my parents home, so I have more freedom to buy outfits and dress up
I'd like to thank everyone for their comments and invite others to add their own ideas! Anything from making physical changes, changes in attitude, or major life changing events that have positive consequenses....remember - there are no wrong answers.
Weight loss. Trying to reach a good weight and then lose an additional 10 pounds. I'm not tall and having a slimmer figure will definitely go a long ways towards improving my look.
Well the only thing I found to improve my life as a CD is to wait. This is not exactly my preferred approach to a happy CDing life, but with some patience I will finally get out of my parents house or find some alternate way to dress and then it will be time for a full makeover!
Going shopping for clothes and not caring what others around me think.
Also coming out to a friend.
Starting to pluck/shape my eyebrows (very small changes).
Shaved my legs, chest, arm pits.
Bought nail polish and lip stick for the first time.
Considering telling my parents about my dressing over the next 2 weeks.
(I feel as if I'm becoming a busy girl)
Really, I've mostly been working on the interior. I can wear the clothes often enough (but I'm not out of the closet). And my nails are a little long and shaped even in drab. But I've decided that what matters to me is that I am centered inside my head. Kind of difficult to describe but I'm thinking that while I can't overtly crossdress all the time, I can "cross-think" inside my head all the time. It's kind of freeing in fact, even though I do still like the me I see in the mirror even when dressed comfortably as a middle-aged woman when I have the opportunity.