Hello. My question for y'all is what is your secret for going out crossed dress? What gives you the confidence? Especially when shopping?
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Hello. My question for y'all is what is your secret for going out crossed dress? What gives you the confidence? Especially when shopping?
There is no secret. You just have to do it. Put on your big girl panties and leave the house like a man! lolz. Yes, it will scare the crap out of you the first bazillion times. But courage is not the absence of fear. It's being scared, and doing it anyway.
SEE THREAD BUM RUSH !!!!! Anyway Im just a RETARD ,, Thats why I do it ,,,Im a known nut in man mode so whats the difference if Im in lady clothes . Sometime when I feel like Its just the SHOCK factor it makes me HAPPY to FREAK some people out !!!! Ill go in a store in drab an try on heels just to see the look on there face ,,,,,,,,, OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH B E HAIVE ,,,,,,,
Don't thell anyone else.... I have large balls!! Lol.
The secret is .... there is no secret. You just have to do it. And you have to know you are in control, that you are no breaking any rules, that you are entitled to be happy and you are not strange or weird. you are who you are.
It's the knowledge that if people who disapprove should read you, they will keep their opinions to themselves. And the knowledge that the majority of people don't care what the people they won't ever see again are wearing.
Put yourself in the same shoes. You are out somewhere and you see someone dressed in a way that you believe is unusual. You might glance at them twice, but then you'd go on your way and attend to your own business. If they should ask you for the time or for directions, you'd be nice and answer their question.
Having said that, you will place yourself at an advantage if you dress appropriately according to the venue, meaning you should wear what other GGs are wearing, with not too much makeup and no platinum blonde cheap wig that screams, "CD". When in a nightclub you can dress a bit racier, but at the mall (for example) most women dress like this:
http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/C...ShF-Up2m0l.jpg
http://www.vervemag.com/storage/may-...et-1-Alpha.jpg
http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/st...pping-mall.jpg
Good luck! :)
Lol. I thought that it might be something to get used to. Thnxs for the info.
Cody, as others have said, it just takes a strong desire to go out, enough courage to do it and as Reine said try to dress appropriately for the venue. If you are going out for the first time, why not take some small steps and build up that confidence. You can do a walk in a quiet park, drive around and stop at the drive through for a coke and fries, go shopping in male mode and try on shoes, Payless or at Macy's that always seems to be having shoe sales with all the sale shoes (one of each) out on a rack sorted by size. All these activities help. Another thing to develop is that "I don;t care what others think or say" attitude. That is a bit harder, but you will need a thick skin for those surprise moments of looks, stares, snide comments by others that do happen to some people. Good luck and go for it.
Going out shopping dressed? HA HA HA HA! Yeah, rite! As if shopping in drab isn't stressful enuff!
Give me Ebay, the web, mail order, and thrift stores in drab! That's how I shop! No stress, EVER!
A desire to be who and what I am and am not mixed with a healthy does of flat stubbornness as well.
My secret when I started was that I didn't care. I had been called names by passers-by all my life. Ignorant dweebs were going to insult me no matter what I did, so I figured I might as well do as I pleased.
Oddly, the random insults from passers-by pretty much stopped once I started dressing, even though I have never "passed". I do not have an real explanation for that, but it corresponded to me gaining more self-confidence, and corresponded to me refusing to be a victim. And if due to unconscious factors I somehow used to look "wrong" as a guy and people were seizing on that -- well, now those characteristics are more appropriate to me as I no longer present as male.
Cody, you just put one foot in front of the other and do it. Once I am out in public there is no point in being fearful. I am just what I am, a tall, not too attractive 50ish woman. I go about my business, do what I want, and enjoy the experience.
It was scary the first time, but it was also so exhilarating that I've looked forward to every outing since. The exhilaration has waned, but I still feel a very nice calm when I'm out dressed.
Hi,
Let me see...... the real secret....... is knowing.. who you are, & accepting that,
on most days im dressed much like other women except my head wear,a scarve similer to my pic just i wear it up in a turbin style instead of flowing down my back or like you see,
Some times i dress differently in my period dress wear, as i will on wensday coming. Edwardian .
Another detail is being known for who you are & even new people will look well why not i am on show so we are comfortable with that,
I have flaws & defects .... so..... no body cares, they are more interested in what im wearing to notice , its about enjoying your self being who you are & the clothes are right for you,
My secret is being who i am. Come out with me for a day & youd soon find out,
...noeleena...
Among other things... careful preparation! Whatever you want do, plan ahead, have a backup plan if things go awry, know your situation and understand what your personal risks may be, and be careful.
If you drive, make sure your vehicle is in good running shape and all the brake lights and license plate light work to minimize being pulled over or having to deal with a breakdown while you feel vulnerable. Don't drink any alcohol if you will be driving (if you do get pulled over, don't get them any probable cause to screw with you.) Know where friends and family congregate and don't go to those places if you are worried about being discovered. Go to a safe, well lit public place to minimize physical risk (don't go out to a dark area alone.) If you have a trans friend, make sure you have their name and number in your cell phone so if you do run into trouble you will have someone who can help you without exposing yourself.
And on and on...
Planning ahead will help reduce your anxiety when you do go out, and less anxiety will make it easier.
Reine,Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
You must patronize a better class of malls!
Lea
well, I do have a bit of a secret about shopping...and I perfer to shop in drab! I guess I just love the expectation of and SA's eyebrows if and when he/she realizes that whatever I'm buying is for me. Then again, I'm easily amused :)
tina
The Secret.... just being brave enough to be yourself.
You forgot to add BRASS to that statement. Or with the hockey, maybe they're large frozen balls. Either way, nothing can hurt them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
It must be a real pain when tuckingQuote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Thank you for adding this. This is how I dress and I love it! Yeah, I may wear a skirt instead of capris or pants, but I always try to blend as much as possible. In my mind, I see myself as a regular girl, not a crossdresser, so I just wear what's appropriate.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
As a six foot, tow hundred pound man my secret is a dark rainy night with an umbrella. Not many people out and about in this car-must drive everywhere society. If I was five foot six and a size ten it would be no problem at all going out. As to shopping I'll stay with eBay and mail order.
:) I wanted to differentiate between more casual styles and these styles for example, which look great on the runway and in catalogues on young, slim women, but would be a sure fire way to be read on most CDers at the mall:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lea Paine
http://desmitten.files.wordpress.com...-spring-09.jpg
http://desmitten.files.wordpress.com...-spring-09.jpg
http://blog.secondstyle.com/wp-conte...9/07/ICING.jpg
http://cheapchicas.com/wp-content/up.../Picture-7.png
... well, not just CDers. lol. If I were to wear some of these styles at the mall, I'd raise an eyebrow or two as well. :p
As Reine said if you emulate those around you it's no big deal. This is what I always strive to do and never even get a side ways glance - it works - just prepair and go with confidence.......................Debra
Don't overdress. Women go out all the time in jeans, sneakers and t shirts and still look female. Work hard to cover your beard. Work on bushy eyebrows. Wear casual clothes (denim skirts, dark hose, and flat shoes work for me). Expect to be tense but don't act furtive. Sometime if you don't act like it's a big deal, others won't either. Having said all that, it is still incredibily hard.
I'd love to be able to wear those anywhere but unfortunately it isn't my body type But I can dream
Considering a huge number of people aren't even brave enough to be themselves on this forum, that "secret" is probably unattainable for most.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenny Doolittle
My secret is that I like listening to Lady Gaga, but don't tell anyone or I'll never live it down.
*shifty eyes*
:P
As most will respond, there is no secret. In my case, I imagined what the worst thing is that could happen. I might be embarrassed. That's it. Still no one will know me and those who may "out me" are not known to me. So how bad could it be? Not bad enough to keep me inside. Go out once and it is easier th next time and so on. Remember, you are doing nothing illegal. Embarrassment is the worst case scenario while shopping.
Each one of us on this Forum is an individual!! There is no reason to have secrets to go out shopping or for doing whatever. As an individual you have certain rights which you can exercise. That is unless someone is always watching you so they can harm you if you don't do as they say. I seriously doubt that that is really happening to anybody on this forum. That being the case, just dress up and go out!! It really is Fun!!
The first few times out the door will be pure terror. You will soon find though how much pleasure you get from going out and about while dressed. Pull up your big girl panties and go out the door. Please share with us the story of your first adventures.
When you feel the time is right, you will do it. I express who I am and that is it. The biggest obstacle is ourselves, most people don't even notice, and of those that do most will say nothing or accepting. That leaves a very small section that may say anything bad or embarrassing. Worst thing I've heard so far was an older gentleman held a door open for me and called me sir (I thought I was looking pretty good that day.)
Confidence in who I am and how I present myself.
It took many years for me to be able to hold my head up and walk out into the world. Once I did I realized that it wasn't that difficult and that much of the fear that kept me from doing it long ago were simply things I imagined.
Hey Raine: I consider myself slim at five foot eleven and one hundred seventy pounds, especially by todays standards where a size medium is NOW
12-14 and not 8-9 as it was as recently as the 1990s. At looking at those models that you said were good for the runway but not good for dana (and I
am not questioning your fashion sense or my lack of one) why would I be so obvious? I think for a person wanting to and eventually going to venture
out, any age appropriate outfit should be ok especially the cute pantsuite.The models were all rather tall and very skinny (especially the last girl on the
right in the first photo, who just might need a Little Cesars Pizza-Pizza meal - not the snack) please show us some better examples of dress, from a
females perspective....dana
I know, Reine. My comment was a tongue-in-cheek statement about how a lot of people actually dress at malls. Like the woman in velour sweatpants, flowered fleece top and orange sneakers I saw a few weeks ago. Or the people in their exercise wear - real exercise wear, like running shorts and a tank top. Or ladies in their Christmas sweatshirts. You know - the people everyone always says are at Walmart but are actually everywhere ...Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Lea
I resemble that remark....SO and I shop at Walmart's British outlet, ASDA. Granted, we both go in jog bottoms, trainers etc. Oops, I fit another of those stereotypes. This getting to be a habit in all walks of my life :battingeyelashes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lea Paine
It is such a rush really. Think of it like a roller coaster. You are really scared and nervous on the way up the first drop and then you sit there for a second. Next, you are tearing down the hill and it is quite fun!!! :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Cody Valentine
Just MAKE yourself do it, if that is what you desire. Once you do it the first time your cherry is popped ^^
IMO, it is all in your attitude! Always be confident and comfortable in who you are - no matter how you are presenting yourself! Most others don't care what you are wearing and will accept you for who you presenting. When shopping, it is doubtful that your $ or credit card will be refused - no matter what store you're in!
Thank you all for your advice. It feels great to have this support:).
Well, don't tell anyone but the "secret" is in the "sauce". ;):battingeyelashes::)
No secret. At some point, my apprehensions were overcome by the desire to experience more of life than the confines of my home and backyard. I couldn't have predicted that would happen, but one day, rather than changing back into drabs simply to move a sprinkler, I thought "what the heck" and walked out the front door en femme. As others have said, the world didn't end and I suddenly felt free to be myself.
Oh my, I have no secret, where did you hear that there is any secret behind it, actually whom did you hear it from, I mean like a person that suggested anything as such to you, you know, like a friend or someone you know..........what is their name, where do they live........I am just asking casually you know, like nobody that is in any way connected to the secret organization or nothing. I mean jeeeees, that would be funny, wouldn't it.......how come I am not laughing?.......well......I laugh on the inside.....anyway....good talking to you, I will be your close friend.....Very Close Friend! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cody Valentine
i quit thinking what other people think, after that it was easy.
i actully enjoy being outed sometimes especially by sales associates
they seem to love it.
My big breakthrough moment came when I finally realized that the people I ran into would likely never meet me again in my life.
Rose give me a shout when your going and i will come with you, you never know we might get invited in for teaQuote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Rose
Yes. That is so sad , I wish them all that moment of braveryQuote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny