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My wife has come a long way in learning to "accept" my dressing and allows me to be dressed (limited) in front of her. It was wierd to be dressed in front of someone else after many, many years of hiding it from the world. Just wondering what some other experiences there are out there and how do you get more comfortable being dressed in front of the wife and how do you make it more "normal" or comfortable for them as well? Of course not being pushy or dressing outside the established "rules".
Have you asked your wife to help you get dressed, doing this together and making it fun, could also make it comfortable for your SO.
not yet, great idea. thank you!
It was definitely a nervous experience the first few times, probably for us both! While my brain knew that everything was okay, residual feelings of shame had me wanting to crawl back to the proverbial closet. With experience the feeling of trust builds and now we are quite comfortable with each other.
Oddly, the worst times were when I was halfway dressed. I don't think either of us was comfortable with that at first.
A little bit of what has been said so far. She is probably more comfortable than I! It is hard to believe that she accepts this weirdness. We are not out and about as others on this site. I am uncomfortable with partially dressed also.
My wife isn't ready for me with the wigs, and can't hug me with the breast forms yet. For a while she only wanted me to wear the same dress until she got used to me dressed more. We seem to have levelled off with our comfort. Each time seems to have a different result.... some good, some bad.
never an issue except when she wanted to tweak some things (mind out of gutter now) like where the wig sat or if the lipstick was too red or skirt too short
Fine!! Its out of the gutter!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I've never dressed in front of her and hopefully never will... Bad enough she comments on what I wear in male mode..... I'd hate to think what she say enfemme..... This is the one "hobby" I have total control over and don't really want anyone's input or assistance..... I'm doing just fine thank you!!
We dressed together and it was fun! Also went out 3 times.....but alas I'm afraid those days are now over. Time for me to move on!
I shared the fact that I was a CDr while we were dating. She encouraged me to dress on occasssion, and once the kids were grown, was fine with me dressing pretty much whenever I chose to. The first time, however, was probably a date night.
I am trying to come up with ways to make it more "normal", so, if I win our bet with our college hoops brackets, she has to go dress shopping with me. It has come down to the Ohio St and Kansas game. I need Ohio St to win!
The first time i dressed in front of my wife we decided it might be a good idea if i cooked a meal and sat in to eat it as a bit of a distraction form what i was wearing but i kept it very simple , long black skirt and white blouse , no wig or wakeup .
Well i thought it went sort of ok until the next day when i could tell that there was something wrong so i asked her and she said that she had to tell me that she did not like it , well you can guess my fist reaction " Oh hell what have i done " followed by the CD tantrums ( you won`t let me do anything so i am going to be moody ):devil: and don`t ever mention it again .
After a week or so with my tantrum hat still on she said " well if it is getting at you that much you can sometimes dress in what you like providing that you are in a another room from me , which we tried for a while , i must admit that this sort of felt wrong as it was i separation caused by me but you know this pull it has on you so i still done it some times and then one night my wife said , this is stupid you in one room and me in another one so you had just as well come in with me , now she is far more comfortable with it than i am as today we were in a store when i happen to look at a long dress (don`t know how we ended up in that section):heehee: and the next thing i know is that she is holding it up against me and saying " that is even to long for you unless you wear high shoes" , i still get embarrassed but she takes no notice at all .
( How things can change ) :)
Time will take care of this. Be sure to schedule regular times when you can dress, and just do what feels comfortable to you at the time whether it is cooking a meal together, watching a movie, reading the paper together, or even each of you being on your laptops. Eventually the normal interaction between you will be more at focus than what you are wearing. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenna J
I dare say in the beginning, the two of you might get into doing more girly things such as painting nails, dressing up in different outfits, playing with makeup, etc. But eventually all this other stuff will find it's way to the background and you will both just be comfortable with who you are, doing the things that you normally do together.
That question has three possible answers from me. I'll just give you the first. You can decide if you want two and three.
After, O about 20 years after we both graduated from HS. We reconnected on Facebook. Emailed back and forth. Then she made the decision to give me her address. We made plans for me to come over and we wod sit and have some tea. Now the night before I had gone out to a club called twisted. So needless to say. I had the sure traces of mascara on my eyes. Lips where still a bit stained from the lipstick. Plus all 20 digits where painted a beautiful color of red. With flowers on my toes.
Needless to say. One of the first things I did was had her a bouquet of flowers. Then went about telling within the first 5 minutes that I was a transvestite or crossdresser if you prefer. that was 2+ years ago now
We are engaged ti be married this summer.
We shop tiger in all modes. For her I and us. We share fitting rooms. Share jewelry. Throw girls night out parties together.
I feel confident in saying. She's OK with it all.
My husband says he feels embarrassed about dressing in front of me, and he hasnt dressed for about 6 weeks now because of it! when he does dress we just sit and watch TV, eat our dinner and then each on our own laptops - I am more comfortable with it than he is at the moment but hopefully it will become easier for him. I am sure that after a whole life of hiding his CD'ing, he still feels he needs to do so. TBH I find it rather endearing that he feels embarrassed - I far prefer that than him being show-offish and pushy.
I really do not remember that first time since it was so long ago. So I'll just give some advice from my own experiences since then.
#1 Unless she is helping you Never let her watch you getting dressed
#2 Do a complete and total transformation...Part way you will always look like a guy in a dress
#3 Plan ahead and make your time togeather while dressed different.....It is not a normal evening so stop thinking it should be.
After over 30 years of her seeing me I still do not feel comfortable enough to just sit around the house watching the tube as I do in drab so we always either go someplace like the movies or the casinos or we do eachothers hair and nails.
Having a Beauty shoppe night or a maids night of helping clean the house is so much easier and more relaxing on the nerves than doing nothing so just experiment with her.
It wasn't long after we were married back in the 70's that some playing around led to me dressing in front of my wife, and she gave me a wig she already owned. We had fun with it, but kept it mostly in the apartment.
Things changed over the years, and there's been a lot of changes in how much she can tolerate.
Currently, I can go out, but she will no longer go with; and I can dress around the house, but without the wig and makeup.
My wife is fine with my dressing, so it's really me that holds things back. The only way to get over my embarrassment is to dress in front of her. It is working. The more I do it, the less "weird" I feel, but it is always there. I like getting ready with her, BUT, I don't like her seeing me in inbetween states: makeup but no wig, bra/panties/forms but no clothes, that kind of thing. I don't want her to see her husband when I am dressed.
I feel for the wives and girlfriends. Crossdressing is just its own beast and no corollary to anything else in life.
yup im pretty much the same , i tend to disappear to the bathroom or change when she is asleep (in the mornings ) .Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
For me, it's not much of a concern about my being comfortable around her, but the other way around is a different story. My wife, by her own admission, isn't very girly and is most often in a t-shirt and sweats. Makeup may appear once every other month and heels perhaps 3-4 times a year. So she can't quite figure me out on several levels, but she tries, even though I can be a bot pushy at times. She's come to a point where she's fine with almost everything except:
1) Breast forms - not a huge deal, but she's not a fan.
2) Makeup - she's tried to help me once or twice but I can tell it bothers her.
3) Wig - the big no-no. As hard as she's tried she just can't get over this. She says she'd like to get over it for my sake, but not yet. I certainly appreciate her effort.
It was only when she got to the point that she said I should go meet others like myself so I can have someone else that could look at me and discuss our 'hobby'. I love her dearly for this.
Anyways, my advice is be patient, listen to her, and just love her for everything she does.
-Bree
I believe because i told my wife early in our marriage we kind of grew together with it. When i first told my wife i only would wear pantyhose and skirts and slips. She started buying me panties and one day i asked her for a bra and we went out together and bought one. I never had a wig until i joined this site and i went to a crossdress store in Toronto and she came with me. Just tonight my daughter was working late and i dressed and sometimes i can`t believe that i can just dress and walk around or just watch TV dressed. The problem with us humans is that we are never happy, we always want to take it further.
I told my wife about a month after we met, and she immediately asked me to show her my outfits. That first time I shook more than I think I ever have before or since, but she was so reassuring and supportive that it faded some. She encouraged me to continue to dress whenever I wanted, and I gradually got to the point where I was comfortable with it. It still amazes me that she could be so accepting, but she was primed by a prior short relationship with another CD. Anyway, now I'm very comfortable with her no matter how I'm dressed - 3 1/2 years later.
Miriam
My wife saw me dressed for the first time just a couple of weeks ago. It's only been a half a year or so since my coming out to her. All along she said she was not ready to see me dressed yet. The other week I was dressing to go to a TG meeting, I asked her if she wanted to see or if she wanted me to slip out unseen. She said she was ready, we were both a bit apprehensive but it went well. The last TG meeting I went to, she prepared a meal while I dressed. We ate together, me fully made up as a woman, before I left for the meeting. I've actually been surprised at now accepting she has been, but I've been careful not to push her beyond what she is ready for.
AnitaH
I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her. At her request I appeared dressed completely enfemme in front of her the next day. I was not wearing any makeup or a wig at the time. She asked me why I wasn't wearing makeup or the wig, and I told her it was because i was not very good with those things. She told me that she could help, and did From then on she always did my makeup and fixed my wig, until she passed on!! She was totally supportive!
I dress around the house only; generally when I have a lot of house work to do.
My wife is totally OK with my dressing; however I do not have a wig. Since I
stay at home, there was no sense to get one. I never tried make up; but the wife
keeps saying she would do me if I wanted to. I am a little scared of the make up,
I guess it is because it does not come off as easy as clothes do.
Rader
You have to get a step ladder just to get me to see over the gutter. My SO doesn't want any part of it but a dear GG friend, who is like a daughter to me, knows and even helped me get dressed, made up and went with me on my first time out. It was weird at first, but I trusted her (her not laughing helped a lot) and after 5 minutes it just it felt normal, like two girls getting ready to go out to a party. I figure that trusting a friend, SO or wife helps ease the anxiety level.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
Best thing I can say is to just have open and honest communication with your SO/wife. Be ready to face the music when they react poorly, but also be armed with the knowledge to deal with what is being played.
Rather than reposting it, here is my story:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenna J
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...llen-Household
I now have my own bras, my own panties, and my own stretch shorts in my dresser and my own nighties, jeans and jean shorts in my closet. Most of this stuff used to be hers. I joke that we wear the same size clothes. Of course, she fills out the Ahh Bras like they are supposed to be filled out, I don't.
So I wear the bras, panties and shorts around the house with a T shirt for a top. Or a nightie after my shower in the evening. We have one set of matching nighties. The next step is to get some of her old tops.
I think the trick is to take it one step at a time.
I've been dressing in front of my wife for decades- sometimes it still feels 'new'...
the only rules, and they are not even that, are what you and your SO either agree upon or figure out as you go.
I balk at wearing my most girly feminine stuff in front of my wife- though she has never minded- all crossdressing is just crossdressing to her, i am learning.
just keep the lines of communication open- and listen to what she says- not just the words- but how she says them and what she might be trying to say but cannot or might not want to say.
that's my 2 cents.
After five years after we got married, I realized this is a lifetime thing, so I told her about me. That afternoon, she took me shopping, When we got home, she said, well, lets see how we did!
I went to the back of the house, and bathed, slowly dressed, man I was nervous, did my make up (poorly as it turns out) Then that long walk, down that hall to the living room where she waited, Even wobbly on the heels, too much make up, she told me I looked lovely, and she couldn't believe how well I pulled it off. After that we spent the evening doing just what we always did, nothing special, but I felt special. After that for weeks maybe even months, she would have to coax me to relax and go change into something "comfortable", without her leading me, I think I would have dropped back into the bottom of that closet. But in time, it became very normal, for years I would just let her know, if she was going to be out, That I would be dressed when she got home, and she was fine either way. Anymore I don't even do that, she goes to work, and since I'm retired, when I do decide to get up and get dressed, I dress how ever I feel, and the wife never knows which me she will come home to. But the most important fact is it doesn't matter, we are both comfortable either way, because either way, it's just me, and nothing else is really any different.
Tina B.
Oh yes, it was nerve wracking the first few times for me. Having been in the closet so long I didn't want her to see the "process", just the end result. She detected my fear and began to ask questions as I dressed, asking how I did my makeup and such and over time it became very nonchalant, just 2 girls getting ready to go out.
What helped a lot was one time she was going thru her closet to do spring cleaning and donate lots of things she either didn't wear or didn't fit and she asked me if I wanted anything. We spent the entire night with me doing a fashion show before her with all the things she was getting rid of.
I ended up almost doubling my wardrobe and the donation pile wasn't that small either.
Now that is one hell of a gutsy proposal! For a CDr, you have enomous bazongas!Quote:
Originally Posted by sissystephanie
We were married about seven or eight months and she knew about my closet and my CDing. One night curiosity got the best of her and she asked me to dress for her. I was ecstatic but scared. I didn't do everything I normally do but did put on makeup, undies and a dress. I still remember what I wore that night. I was nervous as I walked out and sat down next to her. She had a gazillion questions for me and lifted my skirt slightly to see my fire engine red slip and the bottoms of my red panty girdle. Everything she did or asked was followed by an "O my God"!
I never on purpose dressed in front of her again although she did allow me to wear nightgowns to bed for awhile before asking me to stop. Shes almost caught me a few times in the years we've been together. After we moved to our new place I got up early one morning and dressed having thought that my wife had already gone to work. When I walked into th e living room I was shocked to see her lying on the floor. She wasn't going to work that day because she wasn't feeling well. She apologized for being there and I hurriedly went back to change. Nothing more said.
About six years after that we were having difficulties in our marriage (mostly because of my CDing). I greeted her at the door one night fully dressed. I didn't miss one square inch of my body in preparation. She was of course shocked but we sat down and had a very good heart to heart talk. It came out she thought I really had issues because I presented as so feminine that night. At that time she thought there were only seven or eight CDers in the world. One thing led to another and a few months later we separated for the second time. We were apart for a year. We don't talk about it any more but she will use it against me if we argue...(Why are you broke again? You been buying girly clothes again?) things of that nature.
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: absolutely this is all that matters. As you can see, there are many different stories here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krististeph
I started late in life, so I generally dressed in front of my wife from the beginning. The only thing I was shy about was putting on a bra and forms. I got over that. So since she is used to it, I can be fully made-up or anywhere in between and it isn't a problem. She was asked last night if she has any preference and she said that I would ask if she wants him or her for the evening and she would answer that she didn't care because she always got her husband.
First time I wore anything in front of my wife was just a few that I had "stashed". She also let me try on a couple of her things (I'm about 1 size bigger than her). She said at first she was a bit worried she would laugh but then she sort of got not it and was "use crossover style tops to hide your waist. Pencil skirts don't work well ( we all know why boys!). red, blue and strong colours suit you".
The first time I got "dressed up" with makeup wig etc. we planned a dinner and video evening at home. It was early on and it was an OK night but the whole lot was a bit overwhelming I think for both of us.
Since then I will occasionally wear a feminine styled Tshirt, commonly war knickers and camisoles (though not exclusively for some reason), may wear female cut jeans or 3/4 shorts or capris. We have kids and I don't wear anything clearly feminine in front of them but once a week or so whilst they are at school and day care I will wear skirt, top and bra+forms or a dress at home.
I rarely do makeup, wig or even heels unless we are going out or if I REALLY feel like having a "dress up" session which is maybe once every month or two.
So most often I'm half and half so to speak. It took my wife a bit of getting used to the wig but now it doesn't phase her. I was very up front with ordering breast forms and asked her first if it was OK, her opinion on size etc. At first when I got them I thought they were just all wrong but she helped out with showing me that a better fitting bra can make the world of difference ( take note ladies!!).
I found once I was happy and secure in what I was doing it became much easier for the two of us. We have still only been out a few times but they have been fun. The only thing she has been nervous about especially in public is those subconscious intimacy things you do like putting my hand in the small of her back to guide her in a crowd or reassure her that I am still beside / behind her. That makes her uncomfortable ( because of the female to female intimacy) and we are talking about that. As she said though, on the plus side I guess it means that she actually sees me as female if we are out dressed socially. Ahh a two edged sword.
We talk a lot. Not just about CD either. That helps.