Is it lonely in your closet?

As I explore my CDing in therapy I'm feeling better about my self and about my fem side which as I explore my feelings I'm allowing my self to be okay with the fact that my fem side is more than just a side. It's more of who I am. I want out of my closet, and I know my wife is not ready for that. And I'm not either but I know staying in my closet is not in my future. Some times when I'm all dressed up the hole nine yards and I'm feeling so good sometimes I get really sad because I feel so lonely all locked up in my house. My question is it lonely in your closet.
Hugs, Janelle

Mine was, that's why I left it. Never going back.

Hi Janelle,
Very lonely in my closet. I dont currently have any clothes whatsoever...no lingerie, lipstick, nothing. I have not had any for years. My wife doesnt like it. We have had some nice times with Jennifer in the past but she prefers me more in guy mode. However, since joining this site I feel Im changing and coming into my own. The woman in me is emerging and she is a beautiful person. I cant dress up but my wife is seeing another side that she likes. I feel more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin without the guilt and shame that unfortunately has been a major factor in my life regarding Jennifer since I wore my sisters panties at the age of 12. Good luck with therapy and if you choose to tell your wife.
Take care,
Jennifer

I've been out of the closet for a while so it is hard to remember exactly what it felt like; however, I do remember wanting more than being trapped in its confines so out I stepped and have not looked back since then.

One thing to check into are transgender groups in your area. They are often safe places so you can get out and meet others. Think of it as an extension of your closet.

Mine wasn't... Because a rarely am alone in my normal life and I really enjoy my own company!!

Don't forget I was in the "closet" but going still going out in public enfemme.... If that's possible. Lol.

It was very lonely for me. Getting out is like escaping confinement.

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Originally Posted by Melissa Rose

I've been out of the closet for a while that is it hard to remember exactly what it felt like; however, I do remember wanting more than being trapped in its confines so out I stepped and have not looked back since then.

One thing to check into are transgender groups in your area. They are often safe places so you can get out and meet others. Think of it as an extension of your closet.

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Best advice you will get here. It was just exactly that that got me out. I now can't even imagine life without my girlfriends that I met through a local TG group.

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Originally Posted by Melissa Rose

I've been out of the closet for a while that is it hard to remember exactly what it felt like; however, I do remember wanting more than being trapped in its confines so out I stepped and have not looked back since then.

One thing to check into are transgender groups in your area. They are often safe places so you can get out and meet others. Think of it as an extension of your closet.

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Where I live the closest is two hours away but I have meet some others already and do plan to go to some of there events. But I what to be free to dress and go where I want when I want. Janelle

It's definitely lonely. I have gotten bored with dressing up and sitting around the house, feeling trapped, in a sense. Isolated. It's just not as fulfilling anymore, either. I need to get out. I didn't always feel like that, and there was a time when I was perfectly content to spend my time dressed alone. Not anymore. I have decided to tip-toe out of the closet and I'm feeling good about it. Two weeks from today I will be meeting others, getting a makeover, and going out in public with a group, all for the first time. My hope is that this experience will be the kick start I need in order to begin a new chapter.

Caution, Don't let the "Pink Fog" get you! While your closet may seem like a lonely place, if the wife is not ready to deal with it, you could cause a great riff in your relationship. You want lonely, wake up and find yourself alone.
Tina B.

i know how hard is to come out but the only thing stopping me from bring me is me. only afew people know i am a cder my wife sister and 1 good freind i now live alone and the colset is getting very lonley but i still have to get passed me to come out completeley i hope this helps you understand yourself

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Originally Posted by Shy Girl

Where I live the closest is two hours away but I have meet some others already and do plan to go to some of there events. But I what to be free to dress and go where I want when I want. Janelle

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That's great to hear Janelle, I know how you feel and I am with you in spirit all the way hon.

Hugs Charlotte

I don't know if lonely would be the exact word for me. As far as shopping en femme and public displays I am still comfortable within the cocoon of the closet. Socially, I know there are others like me in this area that I would like to have the opportunity to meet and engage friendships with, so from that aspect - yes it is lonely.

I am alone in my closet, but it is not lonely at the present time. i am still so new at this that i find my closet to be a fascinating place filled with the wonderful clothes and shoes, and there are more types of clothing I haven't tried yet. So, I am lucky in a way that I am older, 65, but a young CDer, 7mos, and I have not yet gotten over the utter new and appealing feelings when i dress at home.

I know I will tire of this, and have already begun to develop the plans to venture out of the house as Barbara. Dont know who, what, where, when,or how, but I see it in my progression. Think that public interaction with other like minded girls is way in the future, but after my smallish closet, just being out in the sunshine driving, or walking for awhile will be so wonderfully expansive.

Barbara

Just before I retired, I realized that my closet (House) was way to small.
So I doubled the size of my "closet" just yo accommodate my expanded dressing.
But I am still not leaving the friendly confides of safety of the closet.
Rader

Yea its pretty lonely in here for me atm. I do occasionally drag my SO in here with me, but nothing really happens.

My closet is still pretty small (my bedroom, I need to start living on my own) but it may expand soon given I have no more uni and everybody else will be out for a good while!

Still would prefer a more permanant space.

My closet can be lonely at times. But I take advantage of my opportunties to leave it I'm still learning a great deal so for now, the extended closet, with occasionally forays away from it is the best place for me to be.

Its not just a questions of lonely but, who are you going to share it with, and the sense of filfillment it gives to you and your life. So lonely at times maybe, but not secretive either.

Left the "closet" a long time ago Hon. To really get in touch with yourself and your feelings you will need to eventually get out and interact with folks. A one man (or one woman) show gets old after awhile.:)

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Originally Posted by Shy Girl

As I explore my CDing in therapy I'm feeling better about my self and about my fem side which as I explore my feelings I'm allowing my self to be okay with the fact that my fem side is more than just a side. It's more of who I am. I want out of my closet, and I know my wife is not ready for that. And I'm not either but I know staying in my closet is not in my future. Some times when I'm all dressed up the hole nine yards and I'm feeling so good sometimes I get really sad because I feel so lonely all locked up in my house. My question is it lonely in your closet.
Hugs, Janelle

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The question in my mind is what has dressing to do with feeling fem? If those 2 things were connected, GGs wouldn't be able to stay put for a minute. It seems to me that you might benefit from trying to define the things you call fem, and how they relate to life in general, and your life specifically, and what the dressing to the nines has to do with having "feminine feelings" because they are not connected.
There are members of this board who dress for reasons other that feeling fem. Dressing to the 9s might have some "exhibitionism" attached, like any other costume. Some folks wear camo "to play soldier" but would never join up, some guys dress like gang wannabes, but are not of the ilk. I'm in the closet, yet I dress in women's clothes every day, and go out doing my usual business. No, I don't wear a skirt, because that has nothing to do with having a "fem" outlook or inner feelings. You could be stark naked and still have fem feelings.If you get together with some baseball buddies, do you go home and put on your baseball uniform so you can get together? Not likely.
So getting out of the closet is not an issue of dressing IMHO, but some other aspect yet to be discovered.
Your quote from NIN in interesting, but there are a number on the forum who would probably say that "blossoming" did them in , in more ways than one. It is dangerous to live by fictional quotes, especially those written by her. Be careful what you wish for! You may get it. or "a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, but sometimes journeys of a thousand miles end badly"
best to you in sorting it all out. I know it is not an easy task.

It's lonely, cold, and dark in my closet. While I have most of the place to myself a lot of time while the GF is working, i still want to pass through that threshold and go out. Some days I am a bit more bolder than others and actually walked into the yard fully dressed but quickly returned to the closet.

I've been out of the closet for year, I'm not lonely.

Closet, cave, tomb, etc, it does get lonely at times, but luckily I can find joy in my obsessive photo sessions.

No room in mine for me...too many clothes...(oops...did I say too many?????)

The closet that you live in is one you have made, you have the key to the door. I am a closet CDer only because I choose to be there. I underdress every day, the clothes that I wear do not make the person that is inside of them. We are who we are and CDing is just the same as wearing camo to the store or a hocky shirt to a resturant. ( thanks busker for the thought).
There are those of us who have no intention of ever going out fully dressed in Femm, I went to a car show this weekend underdressing with stockings and a Danskin sport full top. I had heel dress boots and a leather coat and I still talked "cars' all day long. My wife was with me, so no it's not lonely in my closet, sometimes it's scary and sometimes I wonder what I am doing there, it's mine, I have made it what I want and am happy to reside there. This site and the Ladies that are here have helped to make the world a lot less scary, thank you!

It is very lovely in my closet. I have been starting to work on trying to get out, because it can get very dull just sitting at home and dressing up.

not telling your wife is deceitful and very harming to trust, you are who you are, it may seem not fair to tell her but it is more unfair if you do not. You deserve to do what you need to do, and she will understand if she truly loves you.

My closet is very lonely-very full but still very lonely. My wife is tolerant of my CDing. I have no contact with anyone except coworkers, her and my kids. And holy cow does that sound depressing. I have gone out on occasion but not with any one. This board is the most interaction I get with people outside of my work.
I have contacted CLCC but have not had time to talk to them at all.

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

not telling your wife is deceitful and very harming to trust, you are who you are, it may seem not fair to tell her but it is more unfair if you do not. You deserve to do what you need to do, and she will understand if she truly loves you.

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I'm not sure where you got the idea that my wife does'nt know. My wife has known for 30 years. I was happy in my closet because that's were I felt safe. I would of reather died then have some one find out. But as I go throw therapy I'm okay with who I am. And now my closet is still safe but also to restrictive. And I know sometime down the road I will be leaving my closet. Janelle

Hmm, the closet isn't so bad for me, but I'm not nearly as far down the journey as many others. It isn't easy, but I'm still just enjoying being able to admit this is part of me so I can still just enjoy the moment. But I do understand how hard it is if you're further along than me and wish I had some words of wisdom that would make it easier for everyone.

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Originally Posted by JessHaust

Mine was, that's why I left it. Never going back.

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I have to say "ditto" on that.....

Its kind of lonely in the closet cause I have the need to get outside once and a while and although my SO has known from the start I was a CD shes not keen on me going out to functions, clubs or groups dressed up and I have the damn itch to do it. What the heck do you do...

I had to find a life beyond dressing at home, so I joined support groups, TG social events and meetups, facebook, and went to major TG conferences, and met lots of friends who I get together regularly with.
I can say that, being on the northeast coast of the US, I have a rediculous amount of social options at any given time during thw week or month....so much so, that I must limit myself, and be careful of how much time I do get out. Sometimes it involves booking a hotel room if it's more than an hour's drive away, because I'm not fond of cops when I'm in heels, etc.

Now, as a straight dude, if only I could align my life with the girl part of me...that's my struggle these days.

Sometimes yes. Sometimes not so much.

I spent 15 years before I finally told someone other than my mother or a therapist how much I wanted to be a girl. I told my girl-friend, who had only been living with me for 3 weeks. I had hoped that if we were having regular sex on a regular basis, that I wouldn't have the need/desire to dress anymore, but that didn't work out. She kept my secret, seemed to accept it, and we got married. For the next 10 years I only told my A.A./ N.A. sponsors when doing my 5th step inventories. I also posted and asked questions in usenet newsgroups in net.motss and net.women. My wife got more and more resistant to any form of dressing, in the house or out. After couples counseling, we agreed to an open marriage, and my wife started having an affair, and my sponsor encouraged me to "Come Out". I didn't even have a name at that point.

Coming out itself was a mixed bag. I made many new friends who had previously always assumed I was too conservative and "straight laced". On the flip side, I was working for a company where most of the executives were ex military, and didn't want a "draft dodging sissy-boy" working for them. Even though I was getting awards for boosting net profit by nearly $2 billion/year, I was coerced and harassed into resigning.. My wife decided to marry her lover.

Once I was out, and all of the old had been released, I moved to Denver, which had a larger population, got a better paying job for a company that had an aggressive pro-diversity program, and was soon introduced to a woman who was bisexual and loved that I offered the best of both worlds. She in turn decided to share her lesbian lovers with me, and we ended up having a wonderful relationship for a couple of years.

I was in the process of transition when my ex-wife showed me a letter from the school social worker, who was also a member of her husband's church, explaining to an unnamed judge that my visitation was detrimental to the children and that I should only be allowed supervised visitation for a few hours ever 2 weeks. She then told me that unless I stopped the transition, she would make sure this letter got to a judge who was a fundamentalist Christian, and would assure that I would not be allowed to see the children if I transitioned.

I moved to the NYC area in hopes of finding support groups and a supportive community, and making enough money to pay for transition after my kids were old enough to make their own decisions as to who they wanted to live with. I did meet a new girl and we dated off and on for 15 years. She loved Debbie, and we went out often. I developed a whole community of friend who liked Debbie as well.

When I was told that I couldn't be a leader if I didn't stop dressing, I quit dressing for about a year, which turned out to be a BIG MISTAKE! I ended up gaining a LOT of weight, nearly 100 lbs in less than 2 years. Then I started working as a consultant and gained more weight on the road, and eventually grew to 325 lbs, and had a minor heart attack shortly after that.

When that long-term 15 relationship finally ended, I posted a profile on Match.com that included several pictures of Debbie. Hundreds of women view the profile and moved on, but about a dozen were genuinely interested and intrigued by the possibilities.

Eventually, a marriage and a stroke later, I realized that I needed to start going out as Debbie more often, if for no other reason than for my health. Debbie lost 85 lbs, and went from size 26 to size 16. Now I get manicures regularly, and have both ears pierced, and get many compliments on my feminine ring which I wear because I've lost so much weight my wedding ring kept falling off.

I have reached the point where I'm tired of trying to pretend to be something I'm not, and trying to pretend not to be what I am. I often wear women's pants and shoes to work, with my men's dress shirt and sport coat. The irony is that I even get compliments from coworkers and clients on my wardrobe, manicure, and feminine jewelry. It's not totally obvious, but anyone who is aware knows that I am trans-gendered - having many characteristics of BOTH genders, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I still love getting really dolled up in skirt and heels, with bra and sexy blouse and a nice jacket, and I often get compliments from people who don't even realize I'm a guy right away. I can't really pass because my voice gives me away, but I do have fun keeping people guessing for a while. I tried growing out my natural hair but age and testosterone have left too much bald area, so I realized I have to wear a wig. However, when my hair was long, if I wore a feminine blouse and shorts, I could have guys checking to make sure they were in the right restroom, and frequently got "thank you maam", from cashiers, clerks, and waitresses.

the closet is my secret place where all my womens clothing is. i have many dresses that i want to wear outside of my house. i too share the sentiment of being alone. i do feel my tg/ts issues however will force me out of the closet and hopefully into a life i knew i was destined to live all along. i just hope i don't hurt my family, friends and coworkers in the process.

emmi

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Originally Posted by Shy Girl

As I explore my CDing in therapy I'm feeling better about my self and about my fem side which as I explore my feelings I'm allowing my self to be okay with the fact that my fem side is more than just a side. It's more of who I am. I want out of my closet, and I know my wife is not ready for that. And I'm not either but I know staying in my closet is not in my future. Some times when I'm all dressed up the whole nine yards and I'm feeling so good sometimes I get really sad because I feel so lonely all locked up in my house. My question is it lonely in your closet?

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[SIZE="2"]Dearest Shy,

I am also shy, but I am not lonely in my “closet.” I need to protect the magic I feel when I crossdress, and, since this is something that few outsiders can understand, I keep out of sight, as well as out of the minds of others. There have been many closeted vs. un-closeted debates here in the past year, so you have to be cautious even mentioning the word “closet” for fear of censure. I go out now and then, as I must, but only according to my own comfort level and/or confidence, so I am a friend to those who remain shy, reserved and closeted...

Whenever I’m dressed “the whole nine yards,” I don’t feel sad – quite the opposite, in fact I revel in the knowledge that I am rather special, part of a select group, definitely non-conformist, able to express my effeminate nature and enjoy my true “self.” To me, its fun that others will never quite understand why I do what I do, but any artistic, sensual venture is terra incognita to the unenlightened. You should do what you feel is right, and follow your own convictions – I feel you will gain many insights into your self simply by reading the many posts on display, each one evidence of a reality that most would care to ignore or dismiss through prejudice. Simply being on this site can be just as therapeutic as anything formal, yet gently positive at the same time...

Love, Freddy :bighug: [/SIZE]

It is very lonely. This is the one stand-out reason which *could* compel me to get out of it. Time is passing and I'm wondering how much I'm really gaining by it, especially since I'm considered to be a really strange person outside of this part of myself, anyway.

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Originally Posted by Shy Girl

As I explore my CDing in therapy I'm feeling better about my self and about my fem side which as I explore my feelings I'm allowing my self to be okay with the fact that my fem side is more than just a side. It's more of who I am. I want out of my closet, and I know my wife is not ready for that. And I'm not either but I know staying in my closet is not in my future. Some times when I'm all dressed up the hole nine yards and I'm feeling so good sometimes I get really sad because I feel so lonely all locked up in my house. My question is it lonely in your closet.
Hugs, Janelle

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Hi Janelle,I am in the closet to friends and family,my wife knows I dress,just can't dress at home.....I go to a local gay bar after work on Fridays for about an hour or so,I have a good friend I met there that I visit with,I have a couple of diet cokes and then go home,I do all my changing and makeup in my pickup truck,I have everything in the back,have a camper shell on it,It feels great to be out dressed......

The only thing that's in my closet is the mummified remains of the last person that ran their mouth off at me.


Julia

It is, for anybody, lonely in their closet. For the present I am sure that you can get out somewhere, sometime. Even just in the country or if you are sure enough, out in the street/park in a strange town. - It does not have tobe a great distance from your usual stamping ground -. Your wife does not have to know where you are all the time and I am sure that a little thought will get you out, for a bit, not necesarily to meet people, just out where you will find that it is not so lonely, in spite of the fact that you will probably not talk to anyone while yo are out there feeling real and not lonely.
Just a thought, lotsof people are out there on the street, lonely, not because they are cds in drab but because they are lonely.
~S~

I've been in the closet all my life. Until 3 years ago. I went out a lot, met many cd friends. It was very hard on my marrage. So I went back in the closet. This turned out to be a good thing. My wife has changed her outlook on Daviolin. She has agreed to a girls day together with me. Dress-up and make-up. The hole nine yards.. This is what I have been dreaming about all my life as a crossdresser. To share with my wife. She even agreed to go out sometime in the future. I call this dieing and going to heaven. Daviolin

figuratively speaking my closet turned into a world that I can't seem to escape from. The opposite of this place (at CDers.com) in away as here I can't seem to fit in.

Riddle-me-this;
I guess it all boils down to not being able to be myself, one who is soft, loving, likes to share life but not my cloths and most of all I love to look after people (it is the woman in me). All that I knew was taken from me even to the point of loosing access to my image files (I'm a photographer/visual artist) and any storage to process new images. This the end of a business I scratched out of nothing after sight restoring operations 2 years ago. I am a complete person.

My last Ex-wife had a teddy-bear therapist for 8 flipping years. Actually she had that therapist until a real therapist insisted that she stop seeing him. Anyway this wife (I had two prior) fully supported me as female in a emotional, spiritual, physical way and I was the main bread-winner. Life was a little rough, it took the professionals 8 years to get that she was bi-polar. After 25 years of living in this city we moved across the country to the East coast of Canada. We had a little acreage feet from the ocean. I loved that place and the people. My Ex convinced me to start painting again even with 10% vision. I started selling my work, teaching and best of all, living 24/7 as me. That is until the Ex left the 29 year marriage with her new lover (this was my birthday present from her that year).

I moved back from that part of the world to one I thought was home, but it changed. As a result of the Ex going bankrupt (she is 12 yrs younger then me) I too had to go down that road. I tried mitigating the circumstances but to no avail. Now at 60 years I have absolutely no viable means to be self supporting, I live with a s/o how doesn't know I am living a lie (we don't have adult relations), yet is providing a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have 23.00 in the bank no vehicle and a bicycle to get around on.

Life in a closet? Grow up!

You should be asking everyone;
What are you really doing with your life?
How are you helping others to be a better person?
What dreams are getting you down that road of life?

For me is extremey lonely an quite sad

Sort of lonely in my closet; but I was always a loner, so I adapted pretty well. When it gets too much, I visit a local gogo bar, and cuddle up with a friendly dancer. A bit expensive, but it's way cheaper than losing my mind.

I don't mind being "en closet." I don't tell anyone, but would hope to just say "hi" if somebody who knows me came to the door. I don't care for fancy clothes anyway so whatever I wear (right now a blouse printed with flowers and brown side-zip slacks--that it's over a bra and panties goes without saying) is likely to be casual. I can't really see myself wearing my one formal pants-suit while I'm fixing dinner or doing the dishes. Two things are important, that my clothes look good and feel comfortable. I also like wearing dresses around the house, because they are comfortable.

In short, dressing, even if it is technically in the closet, should be no big deal. And as a normal part of life, it isn't lonely.

Brenda

Mine is very lonely, but I don't see any reason to leave.

Can I still be considered in the closet if there are at least half a dozen people outiside my family who know I'm a CD? If so, then no it's not, lol. My greatest friend and a few other close friends know. My SO/ex/complicated knows but doesn't really support it. And I've found a woman who is not only interested and accepting but actually encourages me.

It's not lonely in my closet at all. In fact, it's getting a little crowded, lol.