Can somebody please re-inflate me?
[SIZE="2"]“I’ve been stripped bare, and nobody cares...
And the people I looked up to are no longer there...” (Matt Johnson)
Lately I’ve been feeling deflated, just like that tire on my sister’s car. The latter was fixed, but is there any hope for THIS inflatable doll? I don’t know – I go through spells around here where I wonder what I’m doing, or WHY I’m doing anything. I would also say “Why do I bother?” but let’s not be pretentious...
Case in point - I recently reached out to a few other members by way of PM’s, as I often do, if only to reinforce my own feelings of beauty and wonder about crossdressing. One of these members was relatively new, declaring that she loved the place and was happy to be here at long last (sound familiar?). This, combined with a parallel course (career path) much like my own, and an appreciation for prettiness, attracted me and inspired me to write a little something – I go through periods where I feel like writing about most anything, you know. I’ve been meaning to write THIS for a few days now, but my enthusiasm has been waxing and waning...
So, I began a little relationship of sorts with the aforementioned member, only to be deflated by a subsequent PM reversing the previous “glad to be here” position. Yup, it seems as though too much written feedback (via posts) wilted our little flower, and now, quite abruptly, she’s thinking of leaving. Naturally, I soon became the only reason for the person to stick around, but future posting will be curtailed, I’m told. Well, that’s too bad, but I’m beginning to feel like the girl with a blank dance card around here – kindred spirits are so rare, and so flighty, that they seem to be scared of their own CD shadow. So much for reaching out, eh?
I can understand it, in fact I went through the same thing when I first began posting on forums like this. You extend yourself, or declare your feminine intentions, only to have your precious hopes dashed unceremoniously by unexpected responses or a dearth of responses. Many friends, or prospective friends, have come and gone. I don’t mourn their loss any more, in fact I expect people to vanish – I half-expect to hear from a previously loved one (an old friend) with this message: “Are YOU still here?” Yes, I am, and I wonder why sometimes, but this is a very mysterious meeting place indeed...
Here is some unsolicited advice for newbies:
First of all, you need to develop a thick skin, much like sloping armor on a tank that can deflect incoming shaped-charge projectiles (didn’t know that I’m a military historian, didya?). Many people, let’s call them individuals, have a different ”take” on crossdressing, at odds with your own. I’ve been in more defensive struggles than I can count around here, some passionate and some half-hearted, but it’s all counter-productive blather that can wear down one’s reserve. Better to remain who you ARE, so you need to protect yourself on the battlefield of verbosity...
Secondly, don’t tell anyone you’re happy to be here, or you’re glad you found the place – you’re painting a target on that pretty dress you’re wearing, trolling for a dressing-down, if you will pardon my obvious pun, so please curb your unabashed enthusiasm. You can learn a lot here, but don’t show your cards too soon, or at all – most members that have achieved longevity are mysterious in the extreme, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I, myself, use contradiction creatively! If you’re like me, a morsel of a compliment or a positive word now and then goes a long way. I would say that it makes me feel all gooey inside, pretty, dainty, and fairy-like, kiss-kiss, etc, but I do not wish to be bludgeoned with verbal clubs by my enemies...
Third, RELAX!!! You’re here, so just enjoy yourself. If you’ve never been on a discussion forum before, this one is pretty benign, with much support (within), insight, and information that you simply cannot find anywhere else. You’ll meet the odd individual who doesn’t like what you represent, even though you may be initially unaware of such a concept, but keep moving forward, or sideways, or whatever type of locomotion you prefer. Nobody is trying to CHANGE you here – rather, you’re being enhanced, reinforced, and supported by those unseen. The idea is to obtain a better idea of your “self,” but not at the expense of others. I believe all types of CD’ers can co-exist and learn from each other, even though we are, by definition, VERY different...
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my “rant,” for lack of a better description – I like to look for certain types of MtF crossdressers on this site, and I often reach out to them, if only to express a mutual desire to be a certain way (call it feminine, if you must). Some individuals are very perishable by nature, so I advise caution, as well as patience – I can certainly NOT be here, just like I AM here now. There is no difference between the two, but, for now, we can meet each other as “fellow” explorers, mutual experimenters, and like-minded pioneers moving towards an undisclosed destination. I’m glad to meet YOU, for I spent plenty of time in the wilderness alone. Please stick around...
Do you ever wonder why you’re here? Or why you’re STILL here? What’s it all about, darling? :idontknow:
BTW, if I write a PM to you, and it’s...ahem...lengthy, you really should write to ME as a courtesy. I know it’s time consuming, and I know it’s difficult – after all, you can’t see me, and I can’t see you, so this whole exercise is like lobbing things over a fence, not knowing where they will land, or how they will be received. I understand. A girl in art school once made me realize that effort is a one-way street, and the “doing” is an end in itself. That’s true, but I, your humble narrator, could use a little inflation now and then, OK?
Oh, one more piece of advice – if you write something more than one paragraph in length, please don’t bother “warning” me about a LONG post! Haven’t you seen any of my things?
:eek: [/SIZE]
