• Are therre cross dressers out there who had a loving & nurturing dad?

• Are there any cross dressers out there who had a nurturing wonderful relationship with their fathers or other male role models? I hear a lot of arguments on the forums about cross dressing must be innate. That there is a gene that makes some of us cross dressers like there is a gene that makes some of us homosexual. If you have no memory of wanting to be nothing other than a girl since you were born is the proof that you have the gene. I don’t know if I have this gene or if it really exits, but I do know that I didn’t have a strong father role model in my home when I needed it to imprint on being a male. From when I was born my dad was gone most of time and drank too much alcohol. My dad could be a nasty drunk with a hair trigger temper. When he was present at home I was scared of him and he would take pleasure in constantly ridiculing me. Every thought and idea I had was wrong or stupid and I would get beat up for opening my mouth. And this was at a time when I needed him to be a strong father role model for me to imprint on. What I did have instead were three women who were home most of the time that didn’t blow up most of the time. I would see them every day doing daily chores like cleaning up or making dinner. They would socialize at home and I was privy to their conversations which included their hopes and aspirations of being female. So I bonded to them. They acted as my surrogate male role model in absence of my dad. They weren’t perfect but they were there for me every day. This is where I think my cross dressing feelings could have come from. I think that my dad ignored me the same before my conscious memories. That he always wasn’t a great father and that he was never there for me and from the time I was a baby females took care of me and were there for me when I needed it. So I can see this as a reason why, from my earliest memories, I have had fem tendencies. Because from when I was a baby it was safer to be with women and I wanted to be like them and feel like I belonged. I already decided my dad was not there for me before my earliest conscious memories. So I can’t say for sure that just because my earliest memories are belonging as female that therefore I have a special gene. All I am saying is a lot could have happened before those first early memories that determined my feeling sexually good dressing up as female.

I always had a great relationship with my dad. I grew up on a farm and worked alongside my dad. He was as good a father as one could have.

Personally my father and I have a very good relationship. Nothing really sets us off into an argument and we both are wanting to hear each others opinions. There are a few problems but every relationship is bound to have some.

My dad was a distant, self-centered, type-A workaholic who wasn't home all that much, and spent most of his time and money focused on his own job, friends and personal projects, which didn't involve me or my mom very much. He had a hair-trigger temper but, when he got mad, he would usually just storm out of the house for awhile. Thankfully, he was never violent, and didn't abuse alcohol or other drugs. But he wasn't much of a role model.

My grandfather -- technically, my mother's step-father -- was the strong, kind, nurturing, supportive and generous male figure that I wanted to emulate. I can't think of a single negative thing I could say about him, and I spent as much time as possible with him and adored him unconditionally. But the thing that gave him his strength and wisdom was that he had, in many ways, "feminine" personality traits -- he could be emotional and gentle and tear up at a sad movie, and never showed a hint of aggression or dominance, even though he was fairly successful in business. I'm pretty sure he never crossdressed, but in many ways he would have fit right in as a female. Alas, he died when I was 14.

I like to think I take more after my grandfather, but with high heels.

- Diane

I had a great relationship with my dad. My parents are very old fashioned though, so I'm not sure how they would take to me being a CD. It is an interesting point you raise though and I wouldn't be surprised if there were others who attribute there CDing down to lack of a good male role model.

For me, I believe my identity with my mother and grandmother comes primarly from my personality. I chose to identify with them at age 6/8 when I made firm decisions that I was not going to be like the men I knew or grow up to be a "man". However, my father was actually more of a nurturing person than my wonderful mother was. Dad was an alcholic, yes, but when it began to affect the family, he stopped, cold turkey. He stopped smoking as well. That was in the 60's. He also was the one who held me on his knee and read stories to me and my sister all the time, before and after he stopped drinking. He could be a hard case at times, but nowhere near the fathers of the other kids I grew up with. He and my grandfather were well respected by everyone who knew them and I respected them as well. It was my personality that caused me to not want to be a man, not because of anything they did. I just had no desire to model myself after any adult males in my life. Their lifestyle, though nothing wrong with what they were doing for the most part, had no apeal to me. What did apeal to me was the female nature of my mother and grandmother, being the strong women they were. If I had had a different personality, like the other male kids around me, I'm sure I would have loved to have modeled my life completly after the highly respected, genuine mountain men they were.

So all in all, I think my identity with females is far more nature than nurture.

Brenda, Your timing of this thread could not be better! I just saw my father and sister, and had a n angry moment with him. He thinks i have been a lazy, good for nothing, negative, poor excuse for a son, and always resented having sons! He still puts a guilt trip on on me (58), about him having to go to WW2, work long hours in factories, and always blame mne for being there to have to support. He would get drunk, and fight and beat my mom, and I would always try to get between them. Him and my mom had nothing in common, could not stand each other, but insanely stayed together, making life continual strife, and war. She is 91 in a nursing home with late Alz, and he and my sister come and act like he loves her so much! On the way in there once, he said, " I married the wrong woman." He is the most miserable, tyrannical, insecure, vain man I have ever known! I quit my business in Tacoma Wa, had to move all the way to Illinois, to help him on his 3 acres. I have worked my back, and neck, and fingers ore, working on it, and helping him, yet he constantly compares me with a man down the road, telling me what a super hard worker he is, implying that i am not. I painted all his buildings and barn, mow, and weed wack, prunes trees, and more. NOTHING is ever enough for the tyrant, who is always full of self pity, telling how bad he has had it, and that he's had it worse than me. I had to move 47 times, had to live with bad people, no house, no land, no retirement, never had a homecooked meal from a mate. Poor little him, poor little him! He, and my brothers ridiculed me all my life! I do not like being a male, much at all. My heart is more female. There have been some male role models, that i tried to be like, but, my toxic family has damaged me for life, and I wonder if the tyrant father, at 91, will live to 95 or 100. I pray he dies, and is out of his misery, and that he is dead and cannot cause more shaming , guilt and pity. He also thinks Hitler and Japan, were more in the right, than we were in the war! Tyrants admire tyrants! He says he is going to give me some money from a bank account he has, but, it comes with a huge guilt trip, and put downs, and most of all resentment toward me, for not being successful in life. I gave up my small business, in Wash., and came back to be a hostage again. He, and my family, have truly SOUL MURDERED me. Yes, Brenda, I think the horrendous negative male role models i had, coming into this cruel world, strongly caused me to go towards crossdressing, seeking my fem side.

[SIZE="3"]Brenda, The painful thing here, is that I left the area for 28 yrs, was forced to come right in the devil's place, and the exact same abuse has picked right back up, after 28 years! I have though strongly about suicide.[/SIZE]

I had a great relationship with my dad.

I had a great relationship with my dad. he ran a small business from home after he got hurt and watched me and was around all the time. He was not into sports or rough housing like the other dads but softer and gentler and told me he loved me all the time. He always backed me up and supported what ever I wanted to do but taught me right from wrong. Yet I still wished I had been born a female. However both my parents are very old fashined and you follow the straight and narrow. They were also very prejudice and judgemental of others. I could never tell them my secret.

My father and mother split when I was two, and although the courts awarded him custody, he gave that up to my mom. They stayed friends for many years, although didn't hang out with each other, and he moved around a bit with his new families (married, divorced, married, divorced, etc) and eventually ended up back in my home town, my sis and I lived about 2 hours away.

My ex step-dad, who my mom started dating shortly after my dad left, was a wonderful dad. He practically raised me. He and my mom were fun alcoholics, but he would come home, make us dinner, and then go meet my mom. My mom was a much heavier alcoholic.

My now step-dad is kind of a jack ass. He got my mom to cheat on my ex step dad, and then started trying to buddy up to me (I was 13). I never liked him, never will. At least he is there for my mom. All I can really ask.

My dad and I still have a great relationship and I lived with him and his wife and new family while I went to college.
I keep trying to get in touch with my ex step dad.

So, I guess all in all, great relationships.

As far as the gene thing goes, I don't really know if I believe it is a gene, I am more in favor of the chromosomal push theory. We are all girls at first, until the chromosomal push, and for most males, the push is good and strong, but for some, it is a weaker push. We are left with some feminine feelings, thoughts, and actions. I don't know for sure, and could definitely be wrong.

I have had fem thoughts feelings and actions since before I could remember and my first desires were in elementary school, though I didn't act upon them until high school. ♥

I have had and still have a great relationship with my dad. Even after coming out of the closet to him last year, he accepted me without a second thought.

I have an awesome relationship with my father. I'm not out to my family, but I have a feeling my dad would be more accepting than my mother (my dad's side ofthe family being far more open minded than my mom's side ... and she tends to be a bit more uptight than my dad).

I am very surprised, how many of you have had, or still have healthy fathers! I would have thought three fourths would not have!

Louise, that's not to say that my dad approves of my transitioning.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tgsara

......However both my parents are very old fashined and you follow the straight and narrow.....

---

He is not happy about it at all, but that doesn't take away from his being the best parent that he could be, at the time when I was a child. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, though. It has got to be horrible.

At his funeral in December 2011, I said my dad was the stereotypical 80's dad. He provided for the family. My parents divorced my Sophmore year. Before that, dad was an alcoholic to me, but never abusive and would help me fix stuff when needed. He just did what had to be done. THo I did pull him out of the bars more than once (and learned to play pool there).
After getting married and having a daughter, his 3rd wife got us all back together. I let the past be the past. We had a decent relationship. He lived with us the last two years battling cancer and other stuff.
I have always had a stronger relationship with mom, but I know I could not come out to either of them.

Wow I'm outnumbered here so happy to see how many people here had and have a good relationship with their fathers. Very awesome.

I had very loving parents who stayed together for sixty-eight years until one of them passed away. They stayed together because all they wanted out of life was to be together.

This is a shocker to me! I never thought the vast majority would have good fathers! I sure cannot relate much. He was a provider, but, not a dad or father. It was all about him, and his interests. We, the sons, became slaves.

My Father was a great guy; He thought me the Carpenter trade, Thought me how to build and sail a sail boat,
In short he was a good dad. Always provided for the family, god fearing, and adored my mother, his wife.
He died to early at 67 years of age, Only about 2 years into his retirement.
Rader

Nope Brenda, never had that! My dad left after a messy divorce when I was around 5 or 6. I didn't have any contact with him. He moved out west and started a new family as if the kids (me & my sister) from his first marriage never existed.

Yes, i had a wonderful Dad, very nurturing and loving (yet also very macho). If i had been able to be his daughter, everything would have been perfect.
I miss him so much now, and also my wonderful Mom.

Nancy

My father and I were very close, talked a lot, and spent many, many hours working together on the farm and in his business. Mom was and is great as well.

Miriam

I not only was close to my father growing up, but we worked together in the family business and played together in the same civic symphony! We no longer live near each other but our relationship is still strong.

Hi Brenda, I had one of the greatest dads anybody could have there wasn't
anything that he couldn't do I learned so much from him.

Funny thing the older I got the smartet he got .

My dad and I were tight and we still are. He's was the first to know about this..and he was the first to accept it.

I cannot help but envy those of you, who had healthy, loving dads. IMy dad considered giving me away , as a kid. I liked sports. He did not. Because i wanted to be who i was, and different from him, he has resented me all my life. I would have been better off, had i been adapted out. Two friends of mine lost their fathers as toddlers. I would rather have lost my father as a toddler, than been through this 58 years of bitterness, and warfare.

This is a good topic tonight.
My Dad falls into the self centered category. Though he is a complex man, and has paid me out a a few situations with out hesitation, and has been decent and hardworking. I still speak with him weekly but our relationship is fast becoming a shell, it comes down to how some one makes you feel.

It is mostly me moving away from a gay hating family, the things I have heard them(2 brothers too)say over the years about anyone who is different, specially gays is a horror. Pretty much head in the sand have kids and make allot of money, which gives them the right...

I really do not fit in and did not fit in and now as have hit my 40's do not care or try to fit in any longer. I welcome more distance from them so I can be my girly self. One of those sizable inheritance=hang on to the relationship type of families I am sorry to admit. Maybe I will make allot of money and that will be that. I can just be me. I am angry tonight so please excuse my vibe. I am happy to be here sharing with you all and have enjoyed reading about your families.

♥♥♥
Noemi

My dad was the type that worked long hours, but what he made, he brought home to the family, and weekends where family road trips, or weekend camping trips, vacations where always somewhere the kids would have fun. He was strict, but loved all his kids, even that middle one that was not very manly, of course he would never have understood the cross dressing, but he did put up with mom buying me the toys I wanted, like my Campbell soup cooking set, that came with an apron, dad really hated that apron. As a teen, if I got in trouble, I wanted my dad, not mom, he was far more understanding. Yeah, I had one of those great dads, but I still always found myself drawn to the womens conversation, I always felt more at home there, rather than with the men.
Tina B.

My mother was a very dominant woman who often treated my father like he was still a child. I never realy knew my father till my mother passed on

My Dad was great, he was very supportive with the things I did and was always there for me. He died in front of me in 2008 just before his birthday and I miss him very much. My mother is the one I had alot of trouble with, she was a unmedicated manic depressive who did not like males.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by April_Ligeia

Wow I'm outnumbered here so happy to see how many people here had and have a good relationship with their fathers. Very awesome.

---

I too am outnumbered on this topic and think its awesome if you had a good relationship w/ dad! I didn't, my mom told me from the moment I was born he denied I was his, since I didn't have his complexion. we were never close, he was an abusive alcoholic who beat on my mom until I was old enough to step in. he never showed me love or encouragement, I really don't believe he knew how. so I was always a mama's girl, and still am. and when he died, I attended his funeral for only one reason- I wanted to be damned sure I saw him put in the ground! I know that sounds evil, thats the legacy he left me, hate. but, only for him. don't worry, I have since forgiven him and unburdened myself of that weight. there are times when I do envy those w/ a caring dad though. mine would have NEVER tried to understand gender issues, we never even discussed sex.

I had a pretty good relationship with my father. He was bright, hard working and devoted to his family. He wasn't perfect, could occassionally get pretty angry, but not without cause and certainly he was never abusive. He was a product of his generation - and I think would have liked to been able to more openly express affection.

My has has always been kind and nurturing.

I am sorry to hear about that Louise. You need to get away from your father. Nobody should have to deal with that type of situation.

I have mixed feelings about growing up with my father. He was a very hard worker. He spent a lot of hours working. He would occasionally spend some time with me. It was usually working in his garden. He did practice baseball with me occassionally but I was a failure at that. I felt like less of a man because I was a failure at sports. My father never complimented me on anything and never showed affection to me. He was a strict disciplinarian which meant beating me with belt or a tree branch when I transgressed his rules. He could ridicule and make fun of me when he thought I was acting too much like a girl (crying, when my hair got too long, wearing a cape I had). My mother also could make fun of my physical development sometimes. I became a lonely shutoff individual growing up and I still am.

On the plus side he always treated my mother well and never drank. He is man of strong moral character. He was also very intolerant of different people. I know that if I had ever been caught dressing by him, my life would have been a living hell. I probably would have been beaten to the point of abuse. I'm glad that never happened.

My father has Alzheimer's and his personality has done a 180. He is very sentimental and tells me he loves me all the time. He hugs me and the other day he kissed me on the cheek for the first time in my life. I'm enjoying this new side of my dad and we have a good relationship right now. I will not come out to my dad because there is no point. He would probably forget about it tomorrow. I'll wear my women's pants and a blouse around him and he doesn't know the difference.

Did my father make me who I am today or is it in my DNA. I don't know. I've always wanted to wear girl's clothes as long as I remember. My wife would say my parents goofed me up. So in the end it doesn't matter. I am who I am.

Brigid

So this is an effort to somehow connect why we crossdress to having a loving father or not?
If only life were that simple.

There are a thousand answers, there are no answers. In our world it’s the equivalent of asking the ‘the meaning of life’ [hitch hikers guide to the universe?] Or what happened before the ‘Big bang’

But keep trying girls, its fun.

My dad was wonderful by the way. And so was my mum.

He was good in some ways, but he was just a bit old to have an active young kid. Not just the age, but life had taken its toll on him. He drank, (but alcohol is totally different than drugs...) smoked LOT. The old bugger lasted till 80 though, he did cut down in his 60's, and stopped smoking then too. Never exercised, never really supported me at school, with a few notable exceptions. He was generally bitter, but responsible financially, though we did not have a lot of money. Did make us as a family get together and play games though- a serious saving grace.

Most of my siblings are wacked in way or another, i'm the only one who has stayed married for 22 years, I use a lot of the negative lessons I saw in him as reminders to constantly be careful of what I say or do- and while i fail at times like any human, I think i'm more patient than he was. It helped me be patient as a teacher- students love it, even though i may sometimes go to the point of diminishing returns- sometimes you need to be a bit strict to help someone get the point (doing homework). They were pretty critical of me too- they were just used to raising 4 other sibs before me- I was just another repetition in terms of how they raised me- never thought that I might be unique, even though they did things when I was growing up that they never put my sibs through.

I guess people from that generation were not as evolved in their mindset- not that they necessarily had the resources or help we do today.

So yeah, my folks were loving, not what i would call nurturing, and though i wish they had been different in some ways, I owe them my thanks and gratitude.

They never knew about my crossdressing- or at least till after i was out of the house. It might have helped them to understand me a little better, but it would not have caused a major change for the better, and there would have been net more negative effects. Their loss- I really looked cute in my sister's wedding dress, and her work uniform (airline ticket agent)!

I was never as close to my dad as I wanted to be, or thought I was. I have not spoken to the man who was around as I was growing up in about six years, even though he lives nearby. He ticked me off and basically tore my heart out of my chest. So it is what it is.
My biological father lives further away and I don't get over to see him very often. (I was 29 when we met) so we are more like friends then father and son.

My relationship with the women in the family is what made me me today.

I didn't have a relationship with mine. He was either off doing his own thing, or him and I didn't do anything when he was home. Oh, well.

I have no idea if this relates to my dressing, as I first dressed at the age of 15 or 16.

My dad was a great family man. His mother was a single parent back in the 1920's. As the youngest of three sons he grew up in a orphanage most of the time. Back then there was no such thing as welfare or charity care. Maybe that shaped his viewpoint on interaction with his kids. Unfortunately, he passed away from cancer right after I turned 18. Although he was a great guy, if he knew I was wearing my mother's clothes on occasion and later turned into a cross dresser, he would have a fit. As I stated in many postings, as a child of the 1950's and 1960's, cross dressing was associated with homosexuality. That generation during that time had no tolerance for such "deviancy." I'm sure looking down from above his attitude would have changed, be a little more tolerant, because he can see being a cross dresser has nothing to do with being a nurturing father and loving husband.

My Dad and I have always gotten along OK. I have little in common with him though. He has always lived for sports and as for me, I could care less about any of them. Nascar and Hockey maybe I like a little at times when I am in the mood and there isn't anything else going on. But those are two he don't care much for. Go figure. But, my mother and him divorced when I was 3 and I stayed with dad. He remarried when I was 5 and my step-mother (mom) and I never had the bond or shared the love a mother and son would have shared. I honestly don't know if that has anything to do with Larrissa or not. It is an interesting question though.

With my father and i it was complicated .He was way harder on me than he was my brother (my mom and bro have both agreed on this ) .I did get beat a couple of times and if my mom had not hid a lot of things i was doing ,it could of been worse
This led to us to not talking for many years and it was not until my seperation in my mid forties we finally started getting along for which im happy about .
In his defence he was a hard worker and always provided the family with what we needed and taught me a lot of things

As emotionally agonizing and abusive s it was, he never beat me up badly physically. He did beat my mom sometimes, in a fight. He always did work, and provide, too. Part of the problem, is I pitied him, so did not want to do well socially, or job wise, to show him up, or outdo him, making him look bad! Crazy!? Truth is, he had a harsh childhood, with being picked on by kids and a priest, then got drafted for the war. Went years without a raise, was ALCOHOLIC. I am trying to be friends with him, but CANNOT FIX HIM. Heck, i can't even FIX MYSELF! I must forgive him, and my family, or live in endless bitterness. That does not mean i APPROVE of his dysfunction, and guiltripping. God knows I am a basket case, too. It is said, that good can come out of all things. In the world to come, healing and restoration will come.

Yea I'm one of the lucky ones. My father was/is always around. He loves me and my mom very much and had no influence or anything to start dressing. I started simply because I wanted to :)

My relationship with dad evolved over the years. (imagine that). In the early years I dreaded the nights when mom was out and dad "babysat" because those always ended up in yelling & probably spankings.

I learned more about throwing a ball by throwing rocks at passing cars on the way home from school than playing catch with Dad. And I got pretty good at throwing rocks. And there is probably still a torn ACL to show for it.

We got along fine in teen years. He was into sailing and I got a slot on the crew. Aka Fore-deck Ape. One sibling was ejected from the boat and the others weren't interested. Good times! Best time was the last races of the season. It was a two race day. Dad took 3rd in the first race. I suggested the standings were set so why don't we swap roles. We made a great start (I'd made a study of start strategies) and landed a second in that race.

He wasn't always there when I needed him in the mid years. I recall some late afternoons wishing he were home. It hurt like hell later to find out he'd been catching up on his technical journals at the library rather than come home to be with his family. And evenings weren't much better. Most of the time he spent evenings in intellectual pursuit at his desk, again at the cost of spending time with the family.

But that was a more loving relationship than TWTBM*, a raging alcoholic and she gave off a strong "boys == bad, girls == good" vibe. In fact she introduced her children as "first came son X, then son Y, then came my success story Z". It doesn't take much insight, even at age 5, to deduce the logic of "girl == success", therefore "boy == failure" behind her statement

Once into dating age I really saw how TWTBM abused my dad on a daily basis. I vowed "if any woman treated me anywhere near as bad as she treated him, the'd be left on the sidewalk." And I did.

They made it to 50 years married before she died of cancer. But I'd cried my last tear for her and said my AMF's about 5 years before that. I'd had enough of her games.

So back to the relationship between dad and my CD-ness... IMHO, he has absolutely nothing to do with it. If anything, I blame TWTBM for implanting the "girl == success, boy == failure" idea at an early age.

OTOH, I take these lessons as a father.. I try to be there for my son. I coached several of his teams and supported several others and never missed a game. I avoid business travel like the plague. I may not be the ideal dad, but I do my best and avoid obvious "I'd rather be anywhere else" situations. $.02

*TWTBM = "the woman that bore me" Not to be confused with "mom". "Mom" implies a bunch of stuff that TWTBM does not. Kind of like the relationship between "Sperm donor" and "Dad" but not quite. If she had merely been an ova donor and walked away, the damage would not have been as severe. I am at a loss to come up with an analogy that describes an evil force left behind in the family structure. At least one sibling went into counseling to address dysfunctional family issues and seems to have resolved some issues...

I have had a great relationship with my dad growing up. He was always there to participate in all the activities I was involved in suchas little league and scouting. He has been there to offer me support in rough times during my life. He remains the same after I told both him and my mom about my dressing. I am still learning things from him after all these years. I couldn't ask for a better father growing up.

Dad was very nurturing when he wasn't at work he drove a truck in the oil field in new Mexico (like I did before it went away) sometimes he would be gone for a couple of days or even a couple weeks. It was ny mother who beat the crap outta me especially when he wasn't there to stop her

Nope. He was distant, unloving and verbally abusive. This continued until his retirement. Since then, some 20 years ago, he has mellowed quite a bit, acknowledged how bad a father he was most of his life and is trying genuinely to make up for lost time. We have a good relationship now, except we both don't talk politics, lol.

My dad has always been kind hardworking and loving to me and my sister and to my mother. Unfortunately he worked in an industry that had him away alot and my mom used that time to beat me for every little thing. I tried to post this once I guess I didn't get ut done

I always had a good relationship with my father. He was highly educated, a decorated WW II veteran, had a good white collar job, and worked hard. He and my mother were married for 40 years before he passed away, and his relationship with her was absolutely normal, i.e. they weren't Ozzie and Harriet, but they weren't Archie and Edith either. I was a multi-sport athlete as a kld, and although my Dad traveled a lot, he attended every one of my games or track meets when he was at home. He taught me how to make a proper martini and manhattan, and wisely directed me to a liberal arts college when all my teachers were pushing me towards engineering schools.

Although with the wisdom of hindsight I now understand there were indications, I never consciously realized I was a bi- crossdresser, and certainly never acted out, until after both my parents were dead, so CDing, or concealing it aren't part of our family history. I believe that he would have been upset, but accepting.