I'm tired...am I alone??

I'm tired of how we are perceived of in the "normal" public eye. Most people look at CD'ers as creeps, perverts or even worse pedophiles just because we like to wear "women's" clothing.
I was getting dressed this morning and looking through my panties passing up the pretty and colorful ones trying to find the more bland ones for work.
I have a somewhat "macho" tradesman job and do a lot of bending and lifting outside all day, so I try to wear less obvious undies. I have plenty of good guys I work with that are also very "square" and would totally diss me if they new what I enjoy to wear. They would think I was a weirdo and gay no matter what I say.
So I have to live in fear of being "outed" and that makes me angry!! I'm the same happily married father of 2 that they know me by. But because of the stigma that comes with CDing, they would never believe me.
Why is society so superficial? What difference does it make that I enjoy woman's clothing? I'm still the same person that have known and worked with all these years.

Am I alone in feeling this way?


Erin

No, Erin. You're not a lone. I've felt that way my entire life. But while reading your thread, I've asked myself if this is really how society is, or is it just my perception of society? If I think about it, most of the evidence would indicate otherwise. When I'm out and about dressed as a women, I'm rarely been treated with anything but respect, just like I am when I'm dressed as a man. Most people seem to have a sense of curiosity rather than a sense of hate. Most of the people that know me as both Rob and Bobbi have told me that to them, I'm still the same person. Yes, we do hear the occasional news story about a trans that is beaten or killed, but I'm wondering if those incidents are indicative of the norm or highly publicized aberration.

Is the anti-trans feeling of society as predominant as we perceive, or are we making it bigger in our minds than it really is? For most of my life this perception has kept me in the closet. But, now that I'm out and about on a somewhat regular basis, I am starting to question that perception.

Erin i believe all of us feel the same way. please dont let society bring you down. this is how we were made and i for one will never apologize for my gift. also have friends that would not "understand" if they found out, but if i slipped and they did find out and wont accept me then they were not truely friends! Luv Roberta

I hear you loud and clear! But I just don't let it get to me anymore! Hugs!

I wore a lot of dresses and skirts etc. when I was younger (in the early '70s). My mother found out and was quite upset and I stopped wearing girly clothes for many years. I have just recently begun again, mostly underdressing but sometimes more noticeable outerwear. I now could care less about what people think of me and my clothing choice. I think its a stigma we put on ourselves.

never underestimate the fact that some people "act" as if they would diss you for what you wear, when in fact, they wish they had the balls to wear it.



Edit:
I see and hear that a lot with Kilts!
I have had many MEN say.. " damn I wish i had the balls to wear one"... so who's the sissy now?

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Originally Posted by Erin McShea

I'm tired of how we are perceived of in the "normal" public eye. Most people look at CD'ers as creeps, perverts or even worse pedophiles just because we like to wear "women's" clothing.

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Hi Erin, the word most is wrong, some people think that way. I consider them the haters that spew their nonsense in news articles, church settings, etc. We are misunderstood for the most part because we are different. People are afraid of different.

The good news is that some people find us fascinating or at least interesting and want to learn more about TG people.

For the most part society is based on "surface tension". Most people cannot tolerate the effects of the "ripples" caused by delving into the really deep things and feelings. Too much effort involved to understand.:)

Hi Erin, Marleena is right, you are not alone. I am in a job that requires a lot of heavy lifting at times. I even have to use the lockeroom with other guys to change into uniforms. They know I wear bras and panties despite my trying to be descreet about changing. I usually wear solid color or white panties with extra llong T shirts to cover them and my sports bra. But they noticed anyway and had not said anything to me. They seem to have talked behind my back though. So try not to worry too much.

If I told my sons they would struggle to believe I was not gay, bi, or perverted a little.
We just have to except it. Banging our heads against a brick wall hurts and gets you nowhere.

Trust Marleena to look on the bright side bless her.

SUZY

You are certainly not alone in your fears as many of us are in the same situation and don't want the "phobes" to discover this part of us and attempt to affect our lives negatively.
I made a conscious decision a few years ago that this is who I am and that's that. If someone finds out, well that was the risk I took by wearing my panties to work each day.
It's the "sticks and stones" childhood taunt and I just don't care about that anymore. Let them say things, I know who I am, I know I am a good person and I know that I am not alone in my feelings, as evidenced by all the wonderful people here.

We can't change how people perceive us. Compare your (our) predicament to minorities, dwarfs, seriously overweight, etc. people. These people have a real problem with how they are perceived and they have no way of hiding it.

It's something we have to live with, but it's doable.

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

You are certainly not alone in your fears as many of us are in the same situation and don't want the "phobes" to discover this part of us and attempt to affect our lives negatively.
I made a conscious decision a few years ago that this is who I am and that's that. If someone finds out, well that was the risk I took by wearing my panties to work each day.
It's the "sticks and stones" childhood taunt and I just don't care about that anymore. Let them say things, I know who I am, I know I am a good person and I know that I am not alone in my feelings, as evidenced by all the wonderful people here.

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Exactly what I was trying to say. As Popeye would say "I yam what I yam!"

Actually Erin you might be surprised. I was outed at work last year and the biggest reaction I got was concerned. Concern for my well being. My co-workers were worried I would not come back to work and they would miss me. Some were concerned that I would do something stupid (suicide or hurt myself). Only one person out of 50 or 60 made a big deal out of it. An that was mostly sly comments and calling me names. I put a stop to it by just confronting him.
What I though was the worst day of my life turned out to be just a little bump in the road. It also told me that the world is changing. People are more accepting than in years past. I am not saying that there wasn't comments behind my back. I'm sure there was but overall it wasn't a big deal. People still respect me and treat me the same as before. I made a couple new girlfriends that keep insisting I go out with them dressed. Also, the guys are comfortable enough to joke about it from time to time.
I may be an optimist, but I believe the world is changing and trans acceptance is coming around slowly.

Great advice from previous posts! You should always be comfortable and confident in what ever you are wearing (or want to wear), whether as a gal or guy.

Anyone who is different to what's the "normal" in the eyes of society will always be frownded upon, some more than others. I'm just as guilty as most. If I see someone obese I'll think to myself, how could some let themself go like that. Is that right of to think like that, of course it's not.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if people are led to believe (unsually it's the media etc...etc) that something or someone is against the grain, there is always going to be a stigma attached to everything outside the "norm".

Because I'm not out of the closet except for here and a 'secret' deviantart account I've got no real face to face experience with people on this subject, but several of my deviantart pictures have been favourited by people with an interest in photography but no signs that they are a crossdresser or have interest in that. Maybe I fooled them, maybe they found it interesting. On the other hand one photo had a comment on it that said 'wtf is this' and a reply from someone else saying 'i have no idea'. Even so, they're not exactly being outright transphobic there, just ignorant I think. The point I'm making is it seems like most people aren't as outright against us as we seem to think they are. There will be some, just the same as there will always be racists and homophobes, but most seem to be confused about it at worst, and many are quite interested.

Until you find the courage to live your own life, than YOUR world will never change.

"I'm the same happily married father of 2 that they know" Excellent point, too bad you can't sack up and tell THEM how you feel instead of us.

They will think badly of cross dressers until they meet one who's actually a pretty good guy.

Good Morning Ladies

............ What society does not understand or has not had the blessing of revealment from above they chalk up as nonsense.........................

Thera

Certainly not alone. Society can be biased because it has no direct effect on their lives, at least until they discover one of their own is gender enhanced/transgender. Then their attitudes usually change. They may not accept it, but they stop bad mouthing it.

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Originally Posted by katie_barns

Actually Erin you might be surprised.

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I agree Katie, with caution. A lot of it is the way you handle it.

I use to be self conscious obut a nuber of related things- now it's nothing. I'm still cautions around the neighborhood- partly because I know some of the people are less than 'enlightened', and for other reasons- but if i do get outed- I certainly won't deny it and and certainly won't take any crap about it...

It's a bit tougher when you work with a bunch of guys, but I used to get a lot of guff from a guy who always called me a 'girly boy', even though i never had anything out me (that i know of)- he was just a big hairy strong type- but be worked together fine & I actually messed with him a bit- I often wonder if he had it figured out but didn't really care. I always did my share of work- he did his- and though there were a lot of reasons i would not choose to hang around with him outside of work- we worked together quite well.

I didn't mean to sound so angry and negative about the world. I know that things are getting a little better with acceptance of people who live outside "the box". You can turn on TV and see shows about it. Even 20/20 did one not long ago and that helps. I wish there had been more talk about it when I was younger. For years I tried to supress my feelings until I met my wife. And even more now thanks to this site and you fine people on it.

The fact is that very few people in this world give a rat's behind what you wear. That's just a fact.

Most of your fear is just your own imagination.

Does that mean it's easy to get over it? No, It's not easy. But if you can put on your big girl panties and "man up" (LOL) you will find there is more acceptance in this world than you seem to think. EVERYONE has seen something on TV about it. EVERYONE as a cousin, or friend, or whatever, who does the same thing.

Stephie

I mean the following in the nicest way possible.:)
"Get On With It."
We all have a fit of the blues, nobody likes us but we have chosen this course in life.
Alone we do enjoy our own company. Nobody can take that away from us.
Forget the negatives, tread slowly and carefully. When you find someone accepting feel happy, do not give them all your negative responses.
They will soon move on as well.
When your friends say "They're just a bunch of poofs: remember we are all a bunch of poofs in someones eyes.
You do have to betray yourself sometimes and laughingly agree with them.
I call this "The Judas Escariot Principle" where the guy who betrayed Jesus years ago got a sack of money for doing so.
Everybody here has been giving you positives so enjoy life, get dressed up and....
Get on with it.:)

I really have no problem putting on my "big girl panties" and dealing with it. It is the grief that it will cause me work and home. I know for a fact that is it were to get out, I would be ousted at work. I've seen them get rid of good guys for similar reasons. I know that they can't legally do that. But they will find a way somehow. And even if I did fight it in court they would hold it up to starve me out. It is a very large company with endless cash and political "friends". Which in turn would cause grief at home. I'm too close to retirement to throw it all away.

But the real point of my OP was just how society views us in general. Not all. And less everyday, but it is still there. And wish it wasn't. It is only clothing after all

Erin

Personally...... when out enfemme I could care less what the public thinks.

I am with the "it isn't as bad as many of us thing" group. Yes there are some that are closed minded. But many people who quietly don't say a thing get drawn into those numbers by fear and/or perception.

And the tide is turning. Acceptance or tolerance of us is noticeably better than it used to be and you can see it in all the stories here. Watch the polls on things like gay marriage and you can see that the numbers in favor are up. Why? I think it is mainly because the acceptance levels of our youth is extremely high. That is very encouraging as that means that the overall acceptance numbers will just continue to go up.

But we are a cautious and negative group on the whole. It is understandable when looking at what can be at risk. Overall, it seems we tend to think the worst more than it really is. So to say most people think of us as pervs, etc is way overstating the case.

I've said it before. All the legal protections the law allows will not change any person's perception of a person. Nothing will force another person to interact with another. It does not matter if it is cross dressing, race, ethnic or religious background. Also, in the atmosphere you are working there is the 'herd' mentality. Everyone is re enforcing the expected societal behavior. Just read all the threads concerning the reaction of a wife who discovers her husband is a cross dresser. Most women have a fairly accurate idea of what their husbands are. Yet, they are caught up in society's expectations and herd mentality.

I really do not expect society to start welcoming cross dresses in everyday settings. I restrict my cross dressing to my comfort zone. Would I ever wear a bra to work under my dress shirts? No! Why? Because I want to live a stress free life, and, I do not want to have my wife and children subjected 'guilt by association.' You can say I am a realist. My comfort zone is my comfort zone, i.e., an in home cross dresser. I wish my comfort zone would expand at least to include venues that are accepting of cross dressers. Each person has to take baby steps in life. Sometimes being a trailblazers comes with a high cost.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

I really do not expect society to start welcoming cross dresses in everyday settings. I restrict my cross dressing to my comfort zone. Would I ever wear a bra to work under my dress shirts? No! Why? Because I want to live a stress free life, and, I do not want to have my wife and children subjected 'guilt by association.' You can say I am a realist. My comfort zone is my comfort zone, i.e., an in home cross dresser. I wish my comfort zone would expand at least to include venues that are accepting of cross dressers. Each person has to take baby steps in life. Sometimes being a trailblazers comes with a high cost.

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That is exactly my point.


Erin

I agree with a lot of what you have said ( apart from it is only clothes):D the thing is it is not so much as what they think of you but more of what they think of what people will think of them for knowing you they think that society will judge them for being friendly towards you yet the strange thing is it is always possible that one of those are just the same and also live in fear of being outed even more so if they are friendly with a known CD .

Hello Erin,

I have been there many times myself. I do freelance work that puts me in many different environments. All of which I am under dressed. I also wear low rise panties so they do not show, low rise panties can be very cute, throw out you boring panties and get fun ones.

I dismiss the opinions of those who have no grasp of the subject matter.
Like if some one inexperienced showed up on the job and told you what to do.

Where I do not dismiss them as people or do I feel superior, I am not, and I really am here to be of use to everyone, everyone is important to me.

But it feels so nice to dress up, it is a gift to us in some regards. The narrow minded do not consider this, why we do it. They barley think at all and do not want to. It is that head in the sand humanity that many who play it safe exhibit.

Really these narrow minded people create the monsters by not accepting others that are different.
The more I accept myself the higher my thoughts become and the better I feel, and a by product of this is that I treat others with the dignity they deserve.

♥
Noemi

You are not alone. I do believe as many have said that the "societal norm" of thinking about crossdressers has shifted in recent years, and the percentage of haters has decreased as the numbers of those accepting, or not caring about it, have increased.

We all carry the mental image of what we think society thinks of us, and unfortunately it isn't easy to change. Long time crossdressers may still have the older version embedded in their mind, and it really takes a lot of positive reinforcement to change that thought. I am a new crossdresser and have not had time to think about it. I am old enough to not give a F what people hate about me (wife would beg to differ) and as my social committments decrease, I become more and more willing to do more and more.

I am at the point Karren is. I want to go out enfemme, so i will, and I will do it where I feel comfortable doing what it is that I want to do, and what others think is of no consequence to what I do. Will I purposely walk out on Saturday up and down the sidewalk in my neighborhood? NO, but if I encounter a neighbor while I am out now, I will be polite and explain if they wish.

Sometimes we intermix how we feel about the feelings of our friends and loved ones, with the thoughts that the general public may have about us. Screw the general public.

Barbara

I am with you 100%! I used to work for a large manufacturer and I remember one of the office girls (a really trashly little B--CH) refering to one of the guys as a "pervert". He was let go soon after. I found out (through the ever present grapevine) that she saw that he was wearing satin panties when he bent over one time. Who cares!! If they are comfortable and fit and feel good, what's the difference? I have worn only women's panties for years (since way before my wife knew the truth) because they simply fit me better and I was more comfortable in the fabric and cut. Now that my wife knows, I do wear much prettier colors and patterns...not only do they feel better, they make me feel better about myself! Why is that so bad, and why would that make me a pervert? Is a woman that wears her boyfriend's boxers to bed also a pervert?

So, yes Erin, I understand perfectly where you are coming from!