OH WOW,OH HELL! : I TOLD my SO last night.....now we have a dress up happening asap..

OH WOW!!

Sorry,I'm still sort of in shock.I don't know what came over me last night.MY SO was feeling sorta blue after having had a bad work-week and a tummy ache that night,so I decided to make plans to go to a fun Bar/Club with a cool "theme" that evening.

Long story short we bought drinks,sat around and talked as she was really getting into the music.After someone spilt my drink,we sat again by the dancefloor.
She started giggling and chuckling about how feminine I can be.[NOTE: I had about 2 strong rum and cokes in me by now]....then I did my usual anxious thing where I asked if that bothers her at all.She assured my my being a fem-male isn't a bother for her at all.We then got around to discussing the occasion where she dressed and made me up...

She again mentioned how fun it was then but that she'd never "make" or "torture" me like that again.By now I was (mentally) foaming at the mouth and I let out something along like : "It wasn't that bad....I had more fun than I realized looking back on it..."
That shocked her some,and my heart was pounding in my ears by now,thankfully drowned out by the distant dance floor music.

So since I already "opened the flood gates" I just dove in less ambiguously and said I would like to try doing it again (dressing and making me up).I then got super anxious/upset that she'd think I was gay/wanting to transition,etc.She calmly reassured me she didn't think that at all and even joked that she knows I'm not full on gay and gonna leave her because I" love her. "We laughed,I felt better.

She agreed to make/dress me again but set no date (my CD part was like "aaaaahhhhhhh!"),lol.
So we talked more,changed the subject 1800 times ,drank,danced our heads off and went home where we drank and gabbed about more silly/fun stuff about like in general.

Being as tipsy as I was,I kept bringing it up (which in SOBER hindsight now,likely did not come off as "casually" as I hoped) that I'd like to do this soon.

So ,now,hopefully tonight it will happen,or for sure this weekend (lol tonight if I can help it!):)

Sounds as if you play your cards right and don't push to hard you may have opened to door for a good future. Just be sure to involve her and little by little establish ground rules. The fog is thick and very pink.

While I AM very happy to have my "Cross-dressing foot in her door"
I'm apprehensive now for a couple of reasons:

#1Since she dressed/made me up herself last time,I HAVE experiment dressing and making myself up alone, with pleasant results to me.*She doesn't know this however*:(I didn't have "The Nerve" to tell her cause I thought she'd think I was ...Ida know what ( I'm an idiot!),but I just weenied out:/

Now the reason I didn't tell her is because I did NOT want to some off "too strong" ,at all, if I can help it.So I chickened out on telling her not ONLY am I curious to dress/make me up together again ,but that I have already been doing this on my own every so often because I am that curious/into this. I feel ashamed & almost unethical having revealed this to her.

Q:How do I bring this up to her without "dropping a bombshell"?I don't want to have to keep my makeup and (less than five) articles of girl-clothes hidden around the house:/ I just wanna be more open and honest. Am I too late? How can I tell her I omitted these* details without getting her mad?

#2And when I did recently ask her ,or hint at the IDEA of maybe dressing up on my own around the house,she expressed a sort of "being put off/left out" vibe by my wanting to CD sometime in the undetermined future .She wasn't mean ,at all, but I feel I REALLY need her permission/blessing on this cause I know I am gonna wanna CD more than she'll wannt to play dress/make up with me .(And that's fair,I DON'T wanna push this on her more than she's ok with!She's NOT obliged to indulge me on this I AM aware! )...that said...
Q2:what can I say or how I tactfully bring up my interest in wanting to CD outside of our own possible playtimes without making her feel like I'm "ditching" her emotionally?
My idea for Q2 was to mention it when I'm all dressed up at somepoint in a "around the house" outfit so I can let her know I'd be "really into" trying this alone at home.....

To you all: SUGGESTIONS,thoughts,ideas?Your experiences or 2 cents on how to proceed would be DEEPLY appreciated.!;)

Wow, I'll be waiting anxiously to hear how this turns out. This sounds like a dream in heaven, for many of us. Good luck on the outcome.

IMO I think that you fist have A very wonderful wife. This time you have together with her dressing you and then you decide to do it on your own and leave her out of it raises some red flags for trouble on the horizon. But you know her best just be careful you don't take away the fun time, if you start dressing on your own it may kill it for her. again IMO.

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Originally Posted by Victoria StJohn

Wow, I'll be waiting anxiously to hear how this turns out. This sounds like a dream in heaven, for many of us. Good luck on the outcome.

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I promise to give y'all the deets,tastefully of course, when I can;)
Thanks for support and well wishes:x

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Originally Posted by Mistybtm

IMO... if you start dressing on your own it may kill it for her. again IMO.

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From what I recall,I think she may have been "put off" because 1) it cam out of left field ,2) She might have the kind of worries you mentioned,i.e her thinking "He want to totally
LEAVE me out of it".

Which I assure isn't the case,I just want my own ADDITIONAL dress up time.Goodness I hope your opinion doesn't turn out to be true and 'kill it" for her:/

This is a wonderful situation you find yourself in. Take it slow. Let her dress and makeup you together a time or two. She seems to enjoy this time with you. Make it your thing. After the two of you are really comfortable you might broach the subject that you are aware of something deeper within yourself.

Have fun and enjoy what is coming without worrying about what you need as an individual right now. Good luck

Barbara

Personally, I don't get why you want to CD in the house alone when you have a wife who wants to participate. :thinking: I prefer it way more when my wife is involved too, which thankfully for me is almost all of the time.

:doh:well....I already CD on my own (sort of with limited clothes an makeup) ...and I don't wanna ASSUME she'll wanna play dress&make up EVERY time I want....that'd be like asking her to have sex or go play video games whenever I want to;it assumes she's just going to agree with me when she in fact may not be in the mood......

but hell,in an ideal world,she would be head-over hreels into dressing me up and will NEVER get enough....lol

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Originally Posted by Alice B

Sounds as if you play your cards right and don't push to hard you may have opened to door for a good future. Just be sure to involve her and little by little establish ground rules...

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"Just be sure to involve her and little by little establish ground rules. "

What do you OR ANYONE ELSE mean by this?

Involve her little by little?

and ,lol I know I sound dumb but,are/is there some "basic set" of RULES for CDing with your SO that I can find on this board to guide me?Or can anyone here online provide me some? I'm soooooo lost here:P

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Originally Posted by closetcd17

#1Since she dressed/made me up herself last time,I HAVE experiment dressing and making myself up alone, with pleasant results to me.*She doesn't know this however*:(I didn't have "The Nerve" to tell her cause I thought she'd think I was ...Ida know what ( I'm an idiot!),but I just weenied out:/

Now the reason I didn't tell her is because I did NOT want to some off "too strong" ,at all, if I can help it.So I chickened out on telling her not ONLY am I curious to dress/make me up together again ,but that I have already been doing this on my own every so often because I am that curious/into this. I feel ashamed & almost unethical having revealed this to her.

Q:How do I bring this up to her without "dropping a bombshell"?I don't want to have to keep my makeup and (less than five) articles of girl-clothes hidden around the house:/ I just wanna be more open and honest. Am I too late? How can I tell her I omitted these* details without getting her mad?

#2And when I did recently ask her ,or hint at the IDEA of maybe dressing up on my own around the house,she expressed a sort of "being put off/left out" vibe by my wanting to CD sometime in the undetermined future .She wasn't mean ,at all, but I feel I REALLY need her permission/blessing on this cause I know I am gonna wanna CD more than she'll wannt to play dress/make up with me .(And that's fair,I DON'T wanna push this on her more than she's ok with!She's NOT obliged to indulge me on this I AM aware! )...that said...
Q2:what can I say or how I tactfully bring up my interest in wanting to CD outside of our own possible playtimes without making her feel like I'm "ditching" her emotionally?
My idea for Q2 was to mention it when I'm all dressed up at somepoint in a "around the house" outfit so I can let her know I'd be "really into" trying this alone at home.....

To you all: SUGGESTIONS,thoughts,ideas?Your experiences or 2 cents on how to proceed would be DEEPLY appreciated.!;)

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I didn't spill the beans fully on the first occasion I got busted in her nightie and dressing gown.
However, a half way house is never good, as both parties to the cause have differing views of what the agreement is, so to speak.

We have been on this thread more times than I care to remember now and I've only been here a short while. I would be inclined to the full confession of your long held desire to CD fully, before the makeup and night out session. Your SO may have the belief that this is all a fun game without clear sight of your true goal.

How many times this has gone awry for so many, is countless too.

Only you can really know how she may take it, so what I have just said could be rendered null and void. I sincerely hope this pans out the way you want, and from what you have described, I think it highly likely that things are good.

Just be aware, it is amazing how quickly the wind may change direction :straightface:

Rebecca x

Anyone have specifics on how to bring up I have my own cloting and make up stash to her? I;m at all loss:/

I'm getting a vibe that you are moving way too fast for her, and it will blow up in your face.

If you only have a few things, I'd consider getting rid of it all and never telling her about it. I don't look at that as being dishonest. I consider it to be fixing a mistake. You should have told her all this before now.

My advice would be to get rid of the items you have now. Take a deep breath and slow down. She is now aware of your willingness/desire to crossdress. You need to let her take the lead or she is going to flake out on the whole thing.

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Originally Posted by closetcd17

"Just be sure to involve her and little by little establish ground rules. "

What do you OR ANYONE ELSE mean by this?

Involve her little by little?

and ,lol I know I sound dumb but,are/is there some "basic set" of RULES for CDing with your SO that I can find on this board to guide me?Or can anyone here online provide me some? I'm soooooo lost here:P

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I hate to say this, but I personally would be leery of some of the advice on this thread so far.

For instance, I learned about my boyfriend's CDing over a series of long, intense conversations. He didn't just open up the door a crack at a time and hide the rest from me to give me small doses (though circumstances like us living abroad and him having no wig at the time meant it was a while for me to finally see everything all together). I would definitely go for a full disclosure policy.

You know she is adventurous and she comes across to me as being GGG (good, giving and game). I think if you are very honest, tell her you were scared to tell her stuff you did on your own, and talk about it things will be okay. (try it more sober, so you dont have to worry about it being annoying. Try taking her out for a nice breakfast sometime? Do things you know she likes doing with her, to make sure you are not just focusing on yourself (a problem when the urge to dress is strong sometimes?)


In the stickied threads of the Loved Ones section, there is a thread called 'now I like it, now I don't.' that is your 'basic set,' along with 'how to tell your wife.'

I'm with Tricia Lee on the advice on this thread. You and your SO seemed to have been seriously drinking, which kind of makes any rational decisions somewhat irrational. Five articles of clothing and some makeup really does not make a big investment unless you have five bridal gowns. Do not assume playful giddy behavior with a few drinks conveys acceptance of cross dressing. Yes, she may have had a good time doing it once, and, maybe, she'll enjoy it again. BUT. You bring out your hidden stash of feminine articles, and, tell her you're a cross dresser? Do you think she is stupid? Don't you think she may make the connection you were stringing her along and making her think this was her big idea? It will have a serious tendency to explode in your face. A woman having fun dressing you up on occasion, say for Halloween, is totally different than slowly convincing her cross dressing is fun.

Tricia Lee's read is your SO is aware of your willingness to cross dress. In the absence of full disclosure, all I see is her willingness to have some playful fun.

Somehow trying to convince someone it was their big idea does not always work out. And, what will happen after she possibly gets bored the next time or two? "Oh, honey, you turned me into a cross dresser!"

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Originally Posted by Tricia Lee

I'm getting a vibe that you are moving way too fast for her, and it will blow up in your face.

If you only have a few things, I'd consider getting rid of it all and never telling her about it. I don't look at that as being dishonest. I consider it to be fixing a mistake. You should have told her all this before now.

My advice would be to get rid of the items you have now. Take a deep breath and slow down. She is now aware of your willingness/desire to crossdress. You need to let her take the lead or she is going to flake out on the whole thing.

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You need to tell her the truth, ccd17, there's no way around it. It is more than just having a few things of your own and having dressed a few times without her. This is just peripheral stuff. She needs to know that you are a CDer. Please don't let her believe it is just a harmless little hobby, see this thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...76858-Betrayed

If she led you to understand that she'd feel hurt at the prospect of you dressing without her, it's because she doesn't get it. She doesn't see that it's a part of who you are. She thinks it is all a fun little game and you don't want her to keep believing this when you know that it is more than this.

Please go into your profile and read all your thread starters again. THAT is what you need to tell her: what the dressing does for you, what your goals are, how you feel when you do dress and when you can't, how you feel about your guy side sometimes (that you feel too masculine to dress and it bums you out), how you have felt in the past when dealing with this (guilt, shame, or whatever feelings you've felt). Everything. It's apparent that you're not quite sure where this is all going and I've no doubt there are many questions you haven't answered for yourself, but that's OK. You can share with her what you know, what you don't know, and what you're confused about with her.

If you feel embarrassed about not having told her before now, you can just be honest and tell her why it was hard to tell her. She sounds open minded and it also sounds as if the two of you love each other a lot. I'm with Babeba. I would not like to be told "piece-meal". It would feel as if you were trying to control my reactions and this would be too manipulative for my taste.

To help you, and I hope that Jennifer will not mind, here's a link to the letter that she wrote to her wife last year. Not saying you need to use it verbatim, but the way it flows and how candid it is really touched my heart:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2428087

Do you chance being rejected by your SO? Yes. There are no guarantees. But, we know from reading tons of threads in here that any lying or minimizing does not go off well with SOs. If you go the other route with just having her put on your makeup to go to a club on a lark, and she senses that you're liking it "too much", she may feel as if you are hiding things from her by not coming clean and she may want to sweep it all under the carpet. And she may also feel betrayed. You don't want this, since you'll be no further ahead than you are now.

So, stop being such a weanie (I think you said this somewhere), take your courage in your hands, and tell her that the two of you need to talk. Don't minimize, don't try to tell her what you THINK she wants to hear, just tell her the truth from your heart, even if the truth isn't fully formed and you stumble along the way. She'll understand that too, because she loves you. Don't forget that.

:hugs:

Be truthful and take it at her pace. If you push at the beginning it will turn her off. Take it slow.

Before I told my wife I was given some advice to throw away all my clothes and not tell my wife that I had them. I didn't do this, but instead sat her down, opened up to her and was 100% honest. I think that the only reason my wife has been accepting is because she trusts me, and I have told her everything. How do you expect her to support you if she later finds out that you kept somethig from her? It is OK to tell her that you were afraid or embarrased when you first told her about it, and that is why you didn't tell her everything. But I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you begin this with a lie.

I can't really add anything but take it slowly baby!
You do at least have some acceptance there.
A week might seem like a long time but you need to let her bring up the subject again without prompting from yourself.
It might take a fortnight arrgh!

YEA!
I know the heart pounding part and the great rush when its over and it didn't blow up in your face
I'm looking forward to hearing all the wonderful bits of life that are ahead of you!
You go girl!!
bobbi

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Originally Posted by closetcd17

Anyone have specifics on how to bring up I have my own cloting and make up stash to her? I;m at all loss:/

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My suggestion - Don't tell her and leave it where it is (and she won't find it). Let her lead the pace and buy stuff with her or as she suggests it.

The answers to Q1 and Q2 are the same. Don't let her feel that you're ditching her emotionally. But do let her know that you'd like to try spending more time dressed and learn from her. Tell her you'd like her to teach you and then practice.

Just go real slowly, do not push to hard, she seems like a real nice gal, so be carefully,
Let her dress you, than maybe bring out the the fact that you could get dressed your self
when doing house work. Just a thought.
Rader

Just wait until she insists on going shopping for your new clothes and fills up your side of the closet with them.

I'll report more as soon as I can....I have been swamped.Suffice it to say this did not go as I expected;maybe I built it up in my head the wrong way or too much....
Thankfully,no outrage,fights or anything dramatic.It's just been a lot of awkward moments when we talk about it ,mostly on my side ,and I'm a little disheartened.
When I get the fire back under me,I'll post the account itself because I could really use a prospective other than my own...*sigh*

Did you tell her about the things you already have?

Please do not let her think that you just want to try dressing up again. You are almost there but if you come clean at a later date that you are, in fact, a crossdresser, you will be a liar I her eyes. Tell her the whole truth and you will both be better for it. Good luck

My experience tells me that one can never go wrong coming clean. Lying is only one more obstacle that has to be overcome. One can not change themselves for another person, so there is no point in not just being up front about it. Anything else is just a manipulation. There are many people who truly believe that what one says while drunk can not be used against oneself. And based on this belief would never bring it up again, as to not breach this unwritten rule.

She needs to hear the truth from you, the sober you. Either she is going to be cool with it or she is not. But she will resent you for keeping it a secret and you will hate yourself later.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Truth will set you free, however, truth may really set you free! Are you brave enough...........................................

Reine,

I've read a few of your posts now - and I have to say - thank you. Thank you for your wisdom and honesty and for taking the time to post here so that others like myself might learn. You have amazing insight and advice. Thanks you so much! xoxoxox