Feminize? Not really happy with the term.

I was about to post a recollection of a halloween when I was young in the did anyone feminize you thread. Then I started thinking of the word it is a verb isn't it? aI am sure if you asked my mother about halloween 1977 or what ever year it was. She would chuckle and say "oh yeah it was so cute I dressed J up in a dress and made him up like a girl for halloween" I doubt the word Feminize would enter her brain.

The way I feel is I am feminine and the clothes I wear and the way I present myself are a reflection of the way I feel.

Nobody feminized me, nobody could feminize me and I certainly would wouldn't ask anyone to.

People have taught me things about makeup and other things but that isn't the same thing. And clothes and makeup don't make me or anybody else feminine .

I find the word a little offensive in most contexts I have seen it used. I have heard of facial feminization surgery and I get it as a title of a procedure.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Thats realy the truth if ya think about it ,, Alot of chix on here are alot more fem than some other when dressed . Thats whats weard about me ,,Im just me whatever I wear ,,I just cant make the change or mind set ? I guess it all in how you are ?

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Originally Posted by DaphneGrey

Nobody feminized me, nobody could feminize me and I certainly wouldn't ask anyone to. People have taught me things about makeup and other things but that isn't the same thing. And clothes and makeup don't make me or anybody else feminine. I find the word a little offensive in most contexts I have seen it used. I have heard of facial feminization surgery and I get it as a title of a procedure. Does anyone else feel like this?

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[SIZE="2"]It's a strange term. Nobody “feminized” me, unless it was self-induced, based on the circumstances I inherited and the sensitive nature I was born with (which was subsequently enhanced). It would’ve been nice to be feminized by someone, but, while I was growing up, I was expected to be a boy. Could someone have feminized me? I wonder, but, if I think about it, it’s more of an internal awakening and not a product of outside influences – as such, I am resolved and determined to continue along this lonely path, come what may, and I will defend my right to crossdress. In short, I initiated the transformation all by myself...
:battingeyelashes: [/SIZE]

I feel that I am a dual spirited individual with a masculine and feminine side - NOBODY has feminised me. I am simply developing a feminine side as far as my mind and body while still retaining a masculine side. That is why I keep my masculine name and pronouns while I am undergoing M2F HRT. I retain my decidedly masculine basso profundo voice in singing and speaking.

John

I only use the word to try and name a quality of experience, as you said what you feel.

For me it is a spiritual experience of connectivity when I feel a part of all things as opposed to the spiritual experience of when I feel outside of everything and separate which I call masculine.

It is a dance of relational moods between me and everything else that is mine even though I have learned from others by how they use the word.

The word does not bother me because it does not limit me unlike other words

There's more to 'femininity' than wearing a dress. It is a state of mind as well proper deportment. I know many GG's who lack femininity. The same can be said of sexuality. Having sex organs does not make one sexy or sensual.

I know I answered a question here like that saying ''my sister dressed me when I was four years old''!But truth be known no one feminized me for I was born that way!

fem·i·nize:
1. To give a feminine appearance or character to.
2. To cause (a male) to assume feminine characteristics.

If your appearance and gender role in your youth was a boy's, then to have dressed you in feminine clothing would have given your appearance a feminine character, compared to the boys' clothes that you normally wore. So the use of "feminize" is correct. If you and your family knew that you were a girl, then you would have been wearing the correct clothing.

However the term, when used by CDers, has taken on a fetish quality, maybe because every time I hear it I think of "forced feminization". I much prefer the use of "to dress in a feminine manner".

Reine, I like that one! "To dress in a feminine manner". sounds so much nicer, and does not require anything outside of yourself.
Tina B.

Yes, I was feminized as a young boy and I loved it. I thank the ladies in my life who gave me the opportunity to see my inner being and embrace it. I'll even accept "Sissyfied". If the word "feminize" offends you, well maybe you are too butch! LOL

The word doesn't offend me. I think at any rate it's more or less meaningless in my case. If, e.g., some woman wanted to do me up--dress me, do my make-up, etc.--she wouldn't be feminizing me because she wouldn't be doing anything I haven't done myself. She'd probably be doing it better than I would, but that's alright, I'd just be taking notes.

Or suppose some female relative had put a dress on me when I was a kid. She wouldn't have been feminizing me. She'd have just been helping me to discover myself.

I don't think you can feminize somebody who's already feminine. I think maybe the main ones who would find the word offensive would be the ones who find the idea offensive--that is, guys who wouldn't want to be feminized. Maybe lots of women would find the word "masculinize" offensive (if there is such a word).

Annabelle

Great thread. I had never given thought to the word feminized. It never bothered me. No one ever feminized me. What part of me that is feminine was brought on and developed by myself. Some words we see in our cirles do bother me, such as sissy, sissified, tranny, transvestite, Mistress, Master, and *******. Like Reine D, every time I hear it, I think of forced feminization too. Since I don't get that and think it's just a kink for some men, I find it odd that the word never bothered me. Maybe it will now since you brought it up. lol

Ok I get that it is a real word and that it describes a specific action. That is fine. I suppose the association to fetishism bothers me some. Not that I am judging. I think the idea of somebody applying any external pressure on me in any form could in some way alter or change the way I think or feel as a person somewhat offensive. Nothing is going to make more masculine either. It just doesn't feel right to me. I also think it takes something away from me. I happen to be proud of who I am and what I have accomplished in discovering who I am supposed to be and how I choose to live. I like having full ownership of all of the struggles and triumphs of my life. So I guess that is why I feel the way I do.

Brandy thanks for your post. I too find other words that you mentioned unsettling. And I always appreciate your insights.

Caroline I just think of myself as Daphne and dont really care if anybody thinks I am butch or girly. But I would like to hear your insights as well. Perhaps active feminazation from an athority figure in my youth would have helped me in some way as it has you. So maybe you could make a believer out of me. I doubt it but you never know.

Renei I always appreciate when you post in my threads. Thanks for the clarification.

And all of you thanks for sharing your thoughts

There's nothing about the word that means the act of feminizing also changes how a person feels. Feminizing only refers to the physical act of compelling another being to dress as a female, at least in the context of this thread that's all it is. Whether the one being compelled enjoys it, hates it or has his feelings/mind changed by it is another matter.

I really don't get why the word should be offensive to anyone. It's describing a physical act. Nothing more.

Danielle the definition bothers me. I asociate femeninity as a state of being that goes far beyond clothing and appearance. So I prefer Renie's "dressing in a feminine manor" It is just an opinion.

I was never femininized by anyone, although I would not mind a GG asking if she could do so. I feminize myself so to speak. Toni can't come to the surface without me being dressed. As I'm typing this I am not dressed and would find it awkward to try to act in a feminine manner while not dressed. That is not to say my normal mannerisms are overly masculine, but definately they are a lot less maculine and a lot more feminine while I'm dressed. Being a gentic man I can't imagine letting my feminine side surface while not dressed. So I have no problem with the term feminized.

I have seen men who are feminine in their mannerisms by nature and it's a turn off rightly or wrongly to me. I know that is sterotyping and even though I can think of one in particular that is married and has kids. I still think gay everytime I see and hear him. This guy is already feminine to me so he does not need to be feminized unless that just means putting him in womens attire and makeup.

I'm sure there is a stereotype of crossdressers in most peoples minds as guys who are sissy acting to begin with just like I automatically think gay when I see a guy who by nature is more feminine acting than masculine. Being a crossdresser I know that to be false because everyone who knows me would totally be shocked that I am a CD.

Hi Daphne, I am self taught when it comes to feminination.
Almost 65yrs. of traning

Growing up in a household of a widowed mother and three older sisters,being exposed to all things feminine,never forced on me, except for the one halloween,would that be considered to be feminized?Maybe that is why my femme side comes to me so naturally,especially when I don the clothing in order to express that part of me.Also I may use that term to explain the act of hair removal,hair styling,nail growth,skin smoothing etc.but yet I am still male in almost all ways.I guess to answer your question no I do not find it offensive,wow took the long way to get to the point.Oh well bye,Lisa.

If you don't want to associate the word with yourself, fine. But to take offense when using it referring to others? It's a perfectly good word.
Jeez, it takes so little nowadays for people to get offended.

If someone doesn't like a word, fine, wont affect me. The OP was just objecting to being feminized, and a majority took it to mean someone else feminized them. As you see by the definition given, that is not implicit in the word. I am doing a pretty durn stalwart job of feminizing myself. And i am glad to be able to do it, and I will keep on doing it and loving it, and cherishing the word and what it means to me as I continue to improve on my feminization rituals. i was born with a feminine side, but it really needed improving and refining

Barbara

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

If you don't want to associate the word with yourself, fine. But to take offense when using it referring to others? It's a perfectly good word.
Jeez, it takes so little nowadays for people to get offended.

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You know Nicole it may be a perfectly good word but I don't care for it.

I don't use it to refer to others and I won't use it to refer to myself that is my choice.

I had a makeover last weekend I didn't announce it by saying "I was feminized" . It just sounds silly and strange to me. Add that to the list of reasons in addition to the ones I had mentioned in my other posts.

I have not said that I was offended by anybody using the term. I said I found the use of the word offensive in most contexts I have seen it used. That is a big difference. please don't put words in my mouth.

Like you Daphne, I am not offended by some of the words I mentioned earleir. Some would offend me if was called a sissy or even transvestite. But I am not offended by those that choose to use those words referring to themselves.

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Originally Posted by DaphneGrey

I have not said that I was offended by anybody using the term. I said I found the use of the word offensive in most contexts I have seen it used. That is a big difference. please don't put words in my mouth.

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If the word was used and you weren't offended, but you find the word offensive, who was offended? Help me understand.

I was never "feminized" Hon. I was "cinderized" once but that's another story for another day.;):)

JohnH. You said it very well. I do not mind presenting in femine attire, as a masculine female. Frankly, there are many masculine females out there!

I'm afraid that I'm too easily offended by those who choose to be easily offended :)

Seriously, we're grown-ups so we get to choose when we're going to be offended, and names and vocabulary should be seen as just that. The term 'feminized' is, like any other, far too ambiguous in actual use to serve perfectly or to cause unnecessary offense. If you'd like a different term, use it but don't fret about vocabulary that works well for others.

For what it's worth, I don't care for the term either since I've seen it misused too often. But I'm willing to give others the benefit of the doubt when they choose to use it.

Miriam

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Originally Posted by DaphneGrey

You know Nicole it may be a perfectly good word but I don't care for it.

I don't use it to refer to others and I won't use it to refer to myself that is my choice.

I had a makeover last weekend I didn't announce it by saying "I was feminized" . It just sounds silly and strange to me.

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First off, when someone talks about being “feminized” it’s usually related to a discussion about “forced feminization”.
And think about it…. Is “forced feminization” really “FORCED” ?
No, it’s a fantasy. Saying it’s “forced” just takes away the shame, guilt, of crossdressing because the CD was “FORCED” against his will to dress. You can’t be guilty of doing something if you were “forced”. If anyone can point out an example of where someone was really FORCED, like FORCED by gunpoint, against their will to crossdress (be feminized), I’d like to see it. It’s never happened.

I think that when someone has been dressing for awhile and her feminine expression has become a solid part of who she is, getting a makeover, a new outfit, or a new hairstyle is NOT "feminization". This term applies more to men who either are very new at this (their default mode is still very much a male), or it is used if someone's motive is sexual.

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

If the word was used and you weren't offended, but you find the word offensive, who was offended? Help me understand.

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The word is used often and no I am not offended that it is used. Offend is a verb and to be offended by the word feminize someone would have to use it in reference to me. Offensive is an adjective that I have chosen to describe how I feel about the word. So for example if someone said "You really need to be feminized" Or "I want to feminize you" that would offend me.

I have said that yes I get that it is a real word. I have listed three or four reasons why I feel the way I do. The main one for me being that I am already feminine. The way I dress or what I wear on my face at any given time is irrelevant to the way I feel.

I hope that helps you understand and perhaps offensive was too strong a word.

I don't care if you use it or if anyone else uses it. I just don't like it.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I think that when someone has been dressing for awhile and her feminine expression has become a solid part of who she is, getting a makeover, a new outfit, or a new hairstyle is NOT "feminization". This term applies more to men who either are very new at this (their default mode is still very much a male), or it is used if someone's motive is sexual.

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This is very true! Thanks for posting it.