Cross-Dressing Regret

Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this issue. When I'm in my femme self, of course the desire is to push the boundaries of trying to go out in public, wear more and more make up and daring clothes more often.
But perhaps because it is sexual, I don't know, when I am back in my male self I regret that I got dressed up, and I instinctively will try and remove nail varnish, make up, as if I'm annoyed with myself, I'll work out and do man things for a while. Then as soon as the urge to dress up comes everything is different. I even regret working out as I don't want my muscles to look too manly.

My main regret after crossdressing is that it's all over for this time and that i can't stay dressed!
Katie

Yes I do have mood swings with my dressing,there are about 4 of them as far I can tell.I don't see anything wrong with feeling that way especially if one gets used to it. still trying to find out where you stand in all of this can be tricky..but I'd think you shouldn't feel angry over it and would want to learn to relax and know it's ok to feel the way you want in order to get more in touch with yourself....when it comes to me ...inside,no one else's opinion matters.With time I think we learn that simply expressing ourselves is nothing to be crucified over.Think of it this way,isn't it others who are at a loss because of their inability to "go there",they'll never know what was behind that door.

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Originally Posted by Katie83

My main regret after crossdressing is that it's all over for this time and that i can't stay dressed!
Katie

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I'm with you Katie. Very hard to change back to male.

My only regret is that I postponed (for many decades) being able to accept myself for who I am. This forum and all the wondreful people on here made it become a reality. A big hug and many thanks to all.

I may have had these feelings of regret or guilt when I first started dressing im my 30's Jessica but I'm totally over them now. I just regret changing back to male mode and not having lots more time to be femme.

Katie83 and Tracyjo, we're all on the same page.

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Originally Posted by michelle (oz)

i'm with you katie. Very hard to change back to male.

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count me in on this one also!!!!!

Molly

I always regretted changeing back to male! My answer to it was to stay dressed at all times! Works for me!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Cynthia Anne

I always regretted changeing back to male! My answer to it was to stay dressed at all times! Works for me!!!!!!

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Oh how i'd love to be able to do that!! Maybe one day but it'd be many years away.
Katie

Hi Jessica welcome to the forum i think what you are feeling is what most of us here have gone through most of our lives and when we except our self for who we are that regret or shame will no longer be a part of you so don't feel bad that you like to dress except yourself for who you are THERE IS NOTHING WORNG WITH YOU you are normal what ever that is so enjoy both sides of yourself Hugs Ronda

Jessica, I can't tell you how many times I had the same feelings. Many posts above this one misread your post I suspect. When expressing my femininity years ago, it was purely a sexual high. Post masterbation brought on tremendous feelings of guilt and shame and the idea of being femme was revolting to say the least. Off to do man things so as to purge any thoughts of femininity. The next day or whenever, the process would start all over again. Sometimes I could go for a week or so, not dressing or anything but the urge would build until I couldn't stand it any longer and I would find/make the time to expess myself and have that sexual release that was eating at me. Understanding I was having regular sex with someone at the time meant nothing in so far as my femme expression was concerned. The sex with someone else had no bearing on my urge to dress and masterbate. Fast forward to today. I continue to dress whenever I want, I am out to whom ever wants to know, and the sexual needs have long passed. Today it's all about feeling good about who I am; how I present myself at home and in public, the feelings of normality I get when en femme, the joy I get from the look and feel when en femme, and the confidence I feel knowing and acccepting who I am.
You may come to have the same feelings, you may quit altogether, no one knows at this point, so just go with the flow and listen to your self and do not punish yourself for how you feel, but rather, accept those feeling as part of the evolving process that is occurring within you and control them in a way that allows you to function in your daily life.

Jessica,
You are describing me and I am sure many more of us. For years I went through the same cycles as you. I couldn't wait to be able to dress and then I would feel depressed and upset because I had. At times it would reach the point of Purge. Of course the need to dress always came flooding back.
It took many years for me to accept that this is who I am and that I am not alone, nor am I strange, perverted, or crazy. Now I relish the time I get to spend as ME and I no longer have that mood swing. While I try to keep in shape I don't do so to be overly masculine. I do so to be healthy and focus on the things that I would like to keep in shape that help me look my best at all times.
Once you accept yourself and know that you are truly not alone you will find those mood changes to be a thing of the past.

When dressing has a sexual element to it, you will wind up with a rush of male hormones throughout your body, which will affect your moods. And that male invasion causes the crossdressing regret. It passes quickly.

I, too, hate to "get dressed," and "go back."

Hey Jessica, it's definitely because it's sexual. No doubt about it. I used to feel a lot of guilt/self anger when I was in the closet with my cding, but now that's it's mostly out I don't feel that anymore.

I wouldn't call it regret.... but just sometimes a wish that it wasn't so complicated !! When I dress, it's v-e-r-y girly and I sometimes wonder what the hell am I doing ??? Other times I just get carried away by the tide and really enjoy & can't wait till the next time.

Of course you'll have mood swings ... you're dressed as a woman !! ;)

[SIZE="4"]Jessica listen to jillleanne above. She nailed it. To you it's all sexual. Just like picking up some girl you don't even like in a bar. You have sex and then you can't wait to get out of there. Pure guilt after sexual release. I wouldn't be surprised if every male on the planet hasn't had similar feelings. When CDing becomes more than just an aid to masterbation, then you enter into a whole new world. I don't think you are anywhere near there yet.[/SIZE]

I checked your age (21) and I would venture to say that you are conflicted with your cross dressing. There is an natural inclination to try to reject this aspect of yourself because society has taught you wearing feminine clothing and appearing feminine is unacceptable. I think every male has gone through this stage. At an early age there is a strong sexual component to cross dressing. As Lynn Marie has stated, there is a progression with the vast majority of heterosexual cross dressers that ultimately leads to accepting the female side and not seeking sexual gratification while en femme. Over the years I think you will examine your needs for cross dressing and delegate it to the proper role in your life.

Jessica, the difficult thing is to find a way to bring balance to your life and anytime before you are in your late 20's or early 30's that is a difficult task. Even without crossdressing, life is so dynamic in those years that it's difficult to not be bouncing from one extreme to another. The good thing is you are thinking about the issue and seeking advice, not reacting to it. Knowing you are not alone will go a long way toward getting a handle on this part of your life. It's not a bad idea to look at the things that you are regretting and see if you modify them a little you feel better about them. You can exercise and stay healthy without bulking up, try to vary your routine and include more stretching to see if that helps. Consider cutting back on the daring clothing and try occasionally to dress casual, even if you want to test the boundaries. Spending time en femme, and not trying to attract attention may give you a slightly different take on the experience. I can't think of anything to change your libedo, it's something we seem to serve rather than control. Good luck and keep the channels of communication open.

I found this advice; "Spending time en femme, and not trying to attract attention may give you a slightly different take on the experience." to really work for me as well. Once I found that I could enjoy dressing without the eventual sexual part...and that was a tough accomplishment...I felt more in control and started to simply enjoy being dressed. The sexual part has never gone away, but it's something that I choose to let out and that has made all the difference. Good luck.

Jessica, it has been said, and i will repeat just because I can. You are 21, and cross dressing for you is mos likely sexual, and you experience the low after sexual release, just like a typical male. It is normal hormone activity, and the low feeds regret only because there is that societal factoid in your mind that this really isn't something a man does. The sooner you really and truly begin to eliminate that factoid, and accept yourself and this activity, the sooner this post release feeling will progress away from regret to acceptance and relaxation. When you arrive at this state, dressing begins to move away from the sexual if you are meant to. If not, it will remain sexual and you will be happy.

You are young and new, and learning about yourself. Your activities are acceptable and not to be judged negatively. Stop and take a breath.

Barbara

I have the same problem and I usually do the same, I'll workout or play basketball to feel more manly

I think its the story of getting what you want and then what else is there? I am rationalizeing.
I get depressed when I have no goals or direction. I feel nothing in an instant...gone.
The game of take away. You got something and you run with it. "It" has meaning and pourpose.
Dressing for me is about becomeing and being something more then my self. I convience my self that there is more to life when I am a crossdresser. I am put my self in a situation and I deal with it. In my case I attack my ego and stubberness, my male persona.
When I've become a person with out the selfish needs that "I" associate as me, I feel enlightened or fresh. In an instant the great feeling is gone when I give in to my desires. I am empty and have no direction, I am not inspired.
That is what I can rationalize. I understand for everyone its different.

My main regret is that i spend way too much money on this.. I have an addiction to women's clothes and shoes, That's my regret.

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When dressing has a sexual element to it, you will wind up with a rush of
male hormones throughout your body, which will affect your moods. And that male
invasion causes the crossdressing regret. It passes quickly.

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Well stated!!!! At least for this member....

Jesscia,

Hello.
I have done precisely what you have described. I have also run as fast as I can from being a CD'er. It is not allowed, at all, and does not mesh with my conservative upbringing.
Having said that...I am still a cd'er. At my age I realize that it is most likely a permanent condition, not to sound clinical. It is part of who I am, and not to be contrary, I am realizing it is a gift to feel this nice and to have the perspective, out of the box view of things.

Now I accept myself more than ever before. This is me, I really like to dress up as a woman, shop for ladies clothing paint my nails.

I do experience problems when I am around conservative types including my family...but hey those that do not feel good to me are very easy to avoid. Being a cd'er can be a lonely trip too I have found, where do I fit in...

So read the posts here. What you have posted comes up frequently, which is to say it is an issue for many of us.

Also the testosterone is high if you gratify your self sexually when dressed(which can be fun)so you are more likely to flip back to your male behavior. Wait a while, stay dressed up, it will feel very nice to be a girl for a while, or not.

I am a fine person, and an extremely talented one. I always look to help others and be of use. My point is, I am a cd'er. I am not a pervert, I am an honorable person..but still I am trans gender. This is not something I have chosen. I know I have always been this way, and it is unhealthy to ignore this part of myself..
So cross this bridge, you are harming no one, just listening to yourself,which is a good thing, the truth
is the truth.
♥
Noemi

Hang in there Jessica as you get older it should get easier.

I went through a brief period (well, it looks brief now) of a few years when I was a teen, when I was trying desperately to stop crossdressing and felt regret afterwards because I couldn't stop doing it, still confused as to whether I was supposed to be a boy or a girl. The 'regret' feelings went away as I realized it wasn't my fault that I felt this way, and just learned to live with it the best I could, dressing up as often as 'conditions permitted'.

Seems like you feel guilty. You should feel good about doing something which brings you joy. There is nothing wrong, immoral, evil about waring clothes or makeup. You should only have a good memory, not a regret.

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Originally Posted by Jessica-p

Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this issue. When I'm in my femme self, of course the desire is to push the boundaries of trying to go out in public, wear more and more make up and daring clothes more often.
But perhaps because it is sexual, I don't know, when I am back in my male self I regret that I got dressed up, and I instinctively will try and remove nail varnish, make up, as if I'm annoyed with myself, I'll work out and do man things for a while. Then as soon as the urge to dress up comes everything is different. I even regret working out as I don't want my muscles to look too manly.

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I go through cycles like that too. (Sorry I don't have anything else to add, but I know what you mean.)