Going to tell my GF about Amy, tonight.....

:idontknow:Wow, I've finally decided to let my GF in on my feminine side tonight. I have thought A LOT about this lately. I think the timing is as right as its ever going to be. We have been dating or over a month now. We have made our relationship exclusive, met each others parents, friends, visited each others bed rooms, etc... I don't want to go any further without knowing if she can accept this side of me. I'm very nervous about this conversation for obvious reasons. The rejection would be horible, and acceptance would be beyond delightful. But I don't think we should proceed further if she can't handle this part of me. I'm hopeful that at the least we could remain friends.

I have made some bullet points in my head on how I would like the conversation to go, on my side at least.

-Let her know that I really like her a lot, and can see us being together for a long time. I haven't felt like that about any one else since my divorce (4 years ago).

-Its important that I keep nothing back, and that I want her to know everything there is to know about me. I don't want to keep secrets.

-Let her know that I have something about myself that I would like to share with her. Its nothing bad, and it doesn't hurt anyone at all. I have only ever told one other person who knows me personally about this. Its very special to me.

-Then tell her that I like to dress up like a woman from time to time. Its something that has always been a part of me. I repressed it for many years thinking that it was just a silly fantasy, but would always come back. Its something that I have recently began to accept as being a part of me. Its something that I can't stop liking anymore than I can stop liking ice cream.

Then wait for her to process and either run away screaming (and I would melt into a puddle and hope to evaporate from the scene), ask me questions about it (More likely I think), or just think its great and accept me for the person that I am (I think this is a possiblity as well).

I do have some pictures on my phone to show her if she would like to see, but I'm not sure how it will go....

Thoughts, sugesstions, or accolades?

Hopefully I still have a GF tomorrow. Of course I will be certain to inform all of you how it goes.

Take it slow and any questions she has make sure that you answer them honestly, don't say something just because you think it's what she wants to hear.

Good luck :hugs:

Not being honest is not an option. It would invalidate the whole conversation. Thank you for the advice. I will take it slow, and be honest. ;)

Amy. Sandra is so right go with what she said.

can you ask her first what his opinion is on homosexuality you know something that will give you heads up on what to expect once you decide to tell her?

Amy, I think it's great that you are risking the relationship by telling her. I hope it's not to soon, only shortly after a month month. But you know her and the amount of care for each other between you. I hope she has given you signals about how she feels about alternate lifestyles and that she can put her feelings toward you ahead of whatever preconceived notion she has about crossdressing. For everyone I ever told, I had a very good idea I was right about how they would accept it. The best was my ex-wife. She took the news in and said, " is that all there is?" I was lucky...or was it that I got to know her well enough to rightly know that it would not matter to her. That marriage lasted 19 years and we parted for other reasons other then my crossdressing. Today, 6 years later, we are still friends. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope it goes well for you.

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Originally Posted by andrea35

can you ask her first what his opinion is on homosexuality

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What benefit would a straight guy get asking that?
If anything, it reinforces the generally WRONG mindest most people have about CD's, that is, we're all Gay!

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Originally Posted by andrea35

can you ask her first what his opinion is on homosexuality you know something that will give you heads up on what to expect once you decide to tell her?

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Why? not all crossdressers are homosexuals..and asking a question like this could really make her worried, especially if after a few days she is told about Amy. IMO a really bad piece of advice.

Make sure you and her have plenty of time to discuss it. Having to leave with questions unanswered could be bad.

I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in others shoes. I think Andrea was alluding to the idea of how open minded she is to alternate life styles. I have to agree that asking how she feels about homosexuality just before springing this news would certainly send the WRONG message. She has many friends who are Gay, and Bi. So... I already know that she is open minded about alternate life styles. While this is true for her friends, I'm not sure how she will feel with her SO wanting to be a woman from time to time. So.... we come full circle to the point that I have no idea how she will react. I'm pretty certain that at the least we would probably remain friends.

I would rather find out about this now, than later. So... any sugesstions on my approach to telling her would be appreciated! Or if you think I'm right on target, great!

I would suggest you ask her to please hold your conversation in confidence, whether or not she is accepting or totally disillusioned or anything in between.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in others shoes. I think Andrea was alluding to the idea of how open minded she is to alternate life styles. I have to agree that asking how she feels about homosexuality just before springing this news would certainly send the WRONG message. She has many friends who are Gay, and Bi. So... I already know that she is open minded about alternate life styles. While this is true for her friends, I'm not sure how she will feel with her SO wanting to be a woman from time to time. So.... we come full circle to the point that I have no idea how she will react. I'm pretty certain that at the least we would probably remain friends.

I would rather find out about this now, than later. So... any sugesstions on my approach to telling her would be appreciated! Or if you think I'm right on target, great!

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How about this ??? Hey Baby ,,, Wanna Go Shopping ? LOL,,,,, Well its an ICE BREAKER ,,, Yall know we all love to shop !! Worked for me !!

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in others shoes. I think Andrea was alluding to the idea of how open minded she is to alternate life styles. I have to agree that asking how she feels about homosexuality just before springing this news would certainly send the WRONG message. She has many friends who are Gay, and Bi. So... I already know that she is open minded about alternate life styles. While this is true for her friends, I'm not sure how she will feel with her SO wanting to be a woman from time to time. So.... we come full circle to the point that I have no idea how she will react. I'm pretty certain that at the least we would probably remain friends.

I would rather find out about this now, than later. So... any sugesstions on my approach to telling her would be appreciated! Or if you think I'm right on target, great!

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I have told several close female friends. All of them are very accepting of my being a CD. I remember asking one or two how they's feel if their husband or boyfriend happen to be one too. One said she didn't think she could deal with it. Others honestly said they didn't know, never thought about it. But I'm sure that if the love and trust was in place, they would learn to accept it even in their mates.

Amy,

Only you can pick when you tell her, but if you want a long term relationship then tell her you must. I told my SO after about 2 months. I figured if it was a deal breaker for her then lets get it broken sooner rather than later, before either of us had put too much into the relationship. We have now been together 10 years and 4 days !

I agree with the other comments. Why mention gay? It would only muddy the water.

Stick to the points you listed above and answer her questions honestly. Anything else would only lead to problems later.

The very best of luck :-)

Hugs and best wishes

Rachel

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Originally Posted by STACY B

How about this ??? Hey Baby ,,, Wanna Go Shopping ? LOL,,,,, Well its an ICE BREAKER ,,, Yall know we all love to shop !! Worked for me !!

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Stacy I always love your posts! You make me laugh all the time! You would be a riot to hang out with, I can tell. You are the one that brings the party to the party. LOL
:tongueout

Amy Read the link in my signature on telling your partner

You might get some ideas you have not considered

I hope it all goes well

Great advice ladies! I knew I could depend on ya! I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck....

I think its a good idea to get it out there early since it is a part of you and you need to be honest with who you are. I waited two years into my marriage the only problem she really had is she felt hurt that i wasnt honest about it. i can tell you it worked out being free our relationship has never been better. take it slow take her feelings ointo account, i am sending my warmest wishes for a successful evening cant wait to hear hoe it went

I got divorced almost a year ago. I found a wonderful new GF about 9 months ago and we have been going strong since. She moved in with me about 4 months ago. I kept my CDing quiet until about a week or so ago...how did it go? I have been sleeping in lingerie every night since!

All the best with your explanation.
I AGREE alternative lifestyles are accepted from your friends, but from close relatives uh! uh!.
So keep that in the back of your mind and I hope you can bring the CD subject up confidently.

Amy, hope it all goes well, it's a very tense time, I know.

Long Sigh..... It didn't happen. She wanted to go out to a festival that was going on, and there were so many people around. I just didn't think that would be the best place. This is a lot harder to get out than I thought. I can come up with a million different reasons why its not going to be the right time to tell her. I just have to wrench up the courage and get it done with. I think I'm just going to invite her out for dinner and tell her then. I have to get this out and in the open betwee us before we go too much further. Sorry to disappoint you all. I disappointed myself by not following through. That normally is not like me.... :straightface:

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself because it is a HUGE step and a HARD one. Take your time and try and do it rignt.

I understand completely Amy! I think you will know when the time is right! Hugs!

Please do keep us informed. Good Luck to you.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

Long Sigh..... It didn't happen. She wanted to go out to a festival that was going on, and there were so many people around. I just didn't think that would be the best place. This is a lot harder to get out than I thought. I can come up with a million different reasons why its not going to be the right time to tell her. I just have to wrench up the courage and get it done with. I think I'm just going to invite her out for dinner and tell her then. I have to get this out and in the open betwee us before we go too much further. Sorry to disappoint you all. I disappointed myself by not following through. That normally is not like me.... :straightface:

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Gotta take her Shopping !!! Thats ICE BREAKER :yippee::hf: Your already in the store an its about girls clothes ??

Hi Amy, Please don't chicken out do the right thing as soon as posible.

Kimberly said exactly what I was thinking (she has an uncanny way of doing that most of the time):

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Originally Posted by TxKimberly

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself because it is a HUGE step and a HARD one. Take your time and try and do it rignt.

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Those of us who have done it know how hard it is. It is the right thing to do, but it certainly ain't easy!

Hugs,
Persephone.

I've been on this forum for almost 4 years and what you just wrote really sums it up for probably most all of us.

"Its something that I can't stop liking anymore than I can stop liking ice cream."

Well said.

Amy, you shouldn't worry about being a disappointment to us (it's not about us), You will know when it's right. Please keep us posted though.
In the mean time we'll be praying for you.

Hugs
Jolene

good luck with it. Yes, dinner is a good idea, somewhere nice and quiet where you have time to sit and discuss everything and not be interrupted.

If I might make a suggestion Amy... I think you should set a date to tell her. I'd tell her that there is something on your mind that is very important to you and you need her undivided attention with no chance of the time set aside being taken away with interruptions. Tell her that you think the best place to do this would be where no one can interrupt you and her. That might be your [place, her place, or a special place that in the past gave you both good feelings being there. It might be a cozy quiet table at a lounge or restaurant that holds special meaning for the both of you. Maybe a park or beach where you have enjoyed some alone time with her. I'd make it a romantic time that shows how much you care about her. Maybe flowers and a romantic card. Turn the cell phones off and gently tell her what is on your mind. The point is, for now, set a date and tell her the purpose of the date. That is, you have something to talk to her about that is very important to you and that it has to be a time that the two of you will not be disturbed by anyone. At least this gives her time to think about what this might be about. She could be thinking the worst and only find out that what you share with her was not half as bad as she was thinking. But more important, you put her in a frame of mind to listen to you and that it is important to you. I wish you a lot of luck and love..from her.

Amy, the time is never right if you wait for it to come along, Dinner is a great idea, But i am not so sure that out in public is the place to do it. The will be a host of emotions going on and that may not be the best location, I recommend inviting her over to your house for a nice dinner tell here that you have some important things in your life that you want to talk to her about. that way she will know that there will be a nice dinner and some conversation.

knowing that this is important to you will give her the heads up and she will not have other ideas in her head for the evening.
I hope it all works out well for you.

It finally worked out well for my wife and I, but I will tell you it was pretty rough for a while.
Good Luck
Raychel

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I guess Brandy and I think alike, She posted hers while I was typing. :heehee :

I am going to echo Brandy and Raychel. Make it somewhere very private and your place or her's fits that to a tee. It is a lot easier to talk through things if there are no thoughts of others watching you. It may be paranoid type thoughts, but they are thoughts that happen. And it is always easier to talk through the most personal of feelings when you aren't worried about others listening in.

Good for you for doing this. I wish you the best!

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Originally Posted by Raychel

. . . i am not so sure that out in public is the place to do it. The will be a host of emotions going on and that may not be the best location, I recommend inviting her over to your house for a nice dinner tell here that you have some important things in your life that you want to alk to her about. that way she will know that there will be a dinner and some conversation.

konwing that this is important to you will give her the heads up and she will not have other ideas in her head for the evening.
Good Luck . . .

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Originally Posted by Sue

I am going to echo Brandy and Raychel. Make it somewhere very private and your place or her's fits that to a tee. It is a lot easier to talk through things if there are no thoughts of others watching you.. . .

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I gotta support this idea - I don't know that a public place is the best. There IS a chance that she may become upset, and I dont know that you would be doing her any favors if you force her to deal with it in public.

I tried to tell my wife several times but just couldn't get it out, I know how you feel. Fortunatley it worked out for me in the long run, good luck to you!

Time wasn't right for you. No praise; no blame.

It took me about a half hour of umm and hemming and hawing before I told my wife...and we were naked at the time.

I have two things to add; First, there will never be a time that is exactly right. This is such a big thing in our minds and hearts that we always find something that will make us want to hold back for a moment that's 'just a little better'. Second; once it's out, the initial shock is in the past and she has decided to reject, accept or deal with it, there will be a tremendous weight lifted from your shoulders. Regardless of the result, you will have more freedom and confidence after that first sharing. Good luck.

It is always hard, but people who like or love you are likely to continue to do so after you tell

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Originally Posted by BridalBoy

I got divorced almost a year ago. I found a wonderful new GF about 9 months ago and we have been going strong since. She moved in with me about 4 months ago. I kept my CDing quiet until about a week or so ago...how did it go? I have been sleeping in lingerie every night since!

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Heheh, mine said that she didn't understand why I didn't sleep in a nightie every night. So now I do, in fact she donated a nice satin baby-doll to me just yesterday. Bliss !

Hugs

Rachel

Good on you, Amy, for telling her early on. Raychel, Sue, and Kim gave good advice regarding public settings. Someplace private where she'll feel OK expressing herself would be better. Make a date, make sure you listen to her feelings. Even if she's positive, go slow and be patient.

Remember also that she'll take a while to work out her own feelings, and she'll probably find it hard to articulate her thoughts. You've been dealing with this her whole life; unless she has a trans friend or relative, it'll be new to her. She may phrase questions and replies either more positively or more harshly than she means to. Give her time.

Best of luck!

Sounds like your being smart about it. When the time comes you need to be honest and include how you have been wanting to tell her. Best of luck, and pleast do let us know. HOpe it goes well for you!

I agree with the others. IMHO a public place is not the best place to tell her. She is likely going to have lots of questions and she might even be shocked and confused. Be patient in dealing with her concerns. Allow her time to think, and do not press her for immediate acceptance. If she does tell you that she understands and still loves you, tell her how much that means to you. But do not overestimate her degree of acceptance based on her initial response. There are many reasons why she may give you the impression that she is comfortable with your crossdressing when in fact she might not be. Perhaps she is concerned about you and does not want you to feel rejected. Perhaps she is afraid of being rejected herself. Perhaps she simply feels stunned and emotionally drained, and is looking for the easiest way to end the conversation without getting into an argument. Delayed reactions are very common. Above all. listen to her and stay calm and relaxed. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by andrea35

can you ask her first what his opinion is on homosexuality you know something that will give you heads up on what to expect once you decide to tell her?

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Def DO NOT do that....it usually is a first worry for someone that does'nt know much about cding.

I would tell her....it is not something that unusual.....and you could even show her some threads in the loved ones section ...just take her questions as they come. And tell her you care enough for her to tell her and I hope she will want to learn more. Good luck....be thinking of you.
If she is not famiular with cding....we can help her to see it is not that big a deal.

When I came out, it was a shock, but then a lot of "well now some things make sense"... Then the questions started. I wasn't sure how she would take it, but I was so far in deep depression I had to do something because are marriage of 13+ years was failing. It was do or die, and amazingly, it has made our marriage stronger, which is the best I could hope for.

Can't say that happens for everyone, and I didn't know what to expect, but what came of it exceeded my expectations from her. I guess I got lucky...

Whatever you do, don't blurt it out (as I did one night as we were crawling into bed)! Just be prepared with the facts and reasons and take it slowly, especially if she seems to be approving or accepting (my wife is neither -- she just kind of puts up with me without becoming involved for the most part).

Yeah public venu would not be the best idea. We are going to get together on Wednesday. I think I'll make dinner at home, send the kiddies to my parents for the evening. Then we can have some alone time. I'm nervous about telling her that there is something that I want to talk to her about though. For me at least, that doesn't sound like anything GOOD. I would hate to say that and then let her dwell on it for any amount of time, pondering what could possibly be wrong. I personally would loose sleep over something like that. I wouldn't want to do that to smeone else.

I like the idea of not having the conversation anywhere public. If she needs to leave, I don't want her to feel trapped or embarassed. And I would much rather get this over and done with now, than later. If its going to be a deal breaker. I REALLY hope its not though.... Long sigh.....

You are all so AWESOME! I love the advice you all give. Thank you so much!

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Originally Posted by STACY B

Gotta take her Shopping !!! Thats ICE BREAKER :yippee::hf: Your already in the store an its about girls clothes ??

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I would love to! However, I just don't think I could do that in place of the Hey Honey, I like to dress like a woman from time to time, conversation. I don't want to shock her to death. LOL

Amy, it sounds like you have a good plan, and I like some of the suggestions that others offered, except asking her opinion on homosexuality. It's a bad idea, and it's not relevant. Also, I would not show her your pics unless she asks, and seems to have a genuine interest in seeing them. Some women are understanding and accepting of a CDers need to dress, but don't want to see it.

:D I told her tonight. I invited her over for dinner. I made a really great Maple glazed Salmon dinner. It was delcious. So after dinner we were talking and I told her that I had something that I wanted to tell her. I stumbled a bit, and wasn't sure how to even begin. I had rehearsed the conversation a million times in my head. You would think I would be able to just recite it like my own name.... not the case. So I told her that I really am turned on by woman's clothes. She didn't even skip a beat and said, you're a transvestite?! I said well I'm a cross dresser. Transvestite sounds more like some disease that no one wants to get.

She seemed to be very accepting. She said that she has had several friends who cross dressed, but never dated a CD. She knew that having a desire to CD wasn't a sign of being gay. She told me that. LOL. She also said "Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense now!" I have dropped her a couple of hints, I like to get waxed, I like getting Mani Pedi's.

I told her that very few people know about this, and she is the first girl friend to know about it. I explained that I want her to know because I can see the potential to be with her long term. I can't predict the future, and I don't know that we will be together long term, but the potential is there. I didn't want to wait until we were further into our relationship without her knowing. The last thing I wanted was to spring this on her three years later.

She did want to know if it was more of a comfort thing, or if I wanted to be a drag queen or something. I explained that there is certainly a comfort aspect to it, but there is definitely a sexual side as well.

She said that the sexual part was something that she would have to think about.I made the comment that if its not something she is comfortable with that is ok, we don't have to have sex while I'm dressed. She was more insitent than me that this should be something we should think about, but she wasn't sure. Other than the sex part, she seems to be very accepting. She even said that we need to go to a drag show! I think I may fall in love with this woman! :love:

She said that she was flattered that I felt strong enough about our relationship to tell her that. Then she wanted to see pictures.

This went better (so far) than my wildest dreams could predict.

We ended the evening in bed. So...... I think it went VERY WELL!!!

Whew WHAT A RELIEF!!!! I'm so excited, and ramped up right now that I can't even begin to think about going to sleep.

I'm so happy right now. I feel like I should be celebrating!:drink: Amy made a new friend tonight.