I've had issues determining whether or not im truly attracted to men, or am just curious on what it would be like to be in bed with one. I mean, I do find some men handsome and have caught myself staring at them... I have friends that support me either way, which is great, but I just cannot come to a conclusion on my own.
Maybe i'm just in denial?
Does anyone have any tips on figuring out what it is you truly look for?
Thank you
Anything's possible, but if we let possibility stop us we'd never leave orbit - Exedore
To answer your question, it could just be curiosity, or it could be some form of latent bi/homosexuality. If your urges usually arise from while you're dressed then probably that's your feminine side making herself known. The question then is; how comfortable are you with that? Because if you're okay with it, I'd say don't be afraid to experiment. 'cause, well, how else are you going to know?
Could it be also that you're looking for acceptance?
That's why I'm in favor of marriage equality - it's so hard to find love and acceptance in this world, I think we need to allow anyone to validate it.
I agree with Plasibeau, how will you know if you don't try? Whatever you do, be careful, though. Don't throw yourself at the first person that comes along, but choose wisely, even if for a hookup. Make sure you're clear with the person, that you're a crossdresser, not a woman, so there's no surprises for them.
Good luck!
Hugs,
Ann
my only advice is to try it....be with a man...dresed either way...that is how i tested the waters with my curiousity...and i enjoy it..its all good..variety is the spice of life..and my first expereince was not all that pleasurable...but, after that first time i enjoy it...
Oh wow Veronica. I'm in the same situation. I just want to know how it feels to be a woman in that type of scenario. I know I prefer women but I am curious about this side of me. My feminine side seems to take over alot when it comes to this. If you feel like chatting to someone in your situation drop me a line hun. I'm sure we can figure things out together.
And I think you're really pretty and if there are guys into that they would definately be into you :)
@ Plasibeau, it usually does arise from dressing, but the thoughts enter my head more frequently, even when im not dressed (ie. when im just standing in line at the office to register for a class, and i see this white european guy). and yea, ive thought about experimenting. i've grown more accepting to the possibility. im just worried about how ill feel after the makeup, clothes, and everything comes off., will i be happy? will i feel like throwing up? Definitely won't know until i just try.
@Ann Carpenter, I think thats right. That im looking for acceptance. But in my mind, im thinking, shouldnt i be already be happy with the friends that know and accept this aspect about me? I guess what im looking for is something more than that.... and believe me, i've come close to going home with a guy that flirts with me while im at the bar. It's hard to say no, but i want to be smart about it and not jump right in.
@ wadevikingfan, thats what im leaning towards on doing..
Thanks Mikayla, ill definitely be messaging you later.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikaylafaye
Is there a Significant Other that needs to be taken into account in this?
I think we owe it ourselves as people to be open to what and who we really are. I am one those who also 'fantasises' at times about being with a guy but only if I am in what I call Kaz mode. A lot of us here have been in this place. I have no interest in guys if my Kaz side is not expressed and I think it comes from seeking that more complete female experience... The trouble is I am a biological male and so it is impossible for me to truly feel this.
In my regular day to day 'drab' world, I have never been attracted to guys, but yes... I have got into a place in my head where I think... if I was a girl I would think him attractive... I have had endless debates with my wife about this... what do women see in guys? Most guys just repel me in every shape and form - including me at times! :D But some...? I had one gay experience in my 20s... but it did nothing for me and I just felt silly.
The last few years I have been really engaging with my Kaz side and these thoughts have deepened... but oddly what I would want in a guy as Kaz is different from what I would have thought a few years ago...
It is intriguing. I have no intention of experimenting, but if I was young I think that I should... but be careful... as men we see men in a certain light... as a woman, I suspect they are very different...
It mostly has to do with your feelings for a person. Then, truly, does it matter if they are male or female especially if they feel the same way about you? Love is love.:)
@sandra, no, no SO in my life right now.
@Kaz, i actually just talked with my friend about just trying to be more accepting of who i am. He told me that things are confusing for me right now because im trying to put things in black and white. He advised me to just live in the grey, and embrace myself. Unfortunately, the thoughts about how my family would react is the greatest problem im facing. It would break my heart to break theirs... and i think thats where more of my confusion and frustration lies...
@Kate, yea, most definitely... im just scared to act on it..
Veronica a good friend of mine says "it's only sex and it'll wash off". :) You look young so I think you might need some experimentation to get in touch with your feelings. Perhaps try dating guys and/or kissing and see how you feel about it. Not many people here are judgemental about it.
Hi Veronica,
As long as you are safe, there is nothing wrong with what you choose to do assuming you are single. I think this is a fairly common fantasy as part of our idea of being a woman. There was a terrific thread, which I can't seem to find, posted a few months back. If my memory serves me, it was posted by an SO whose spouse experimented with this and the reality did not live up to the fantasy. If anyone can find this thread, please link it.
Thanks,
Deb
Excellent Advice! As others have said, just be careful. Make sure that anyone you meet knows you're a genetic male, be sure to use protection if you "decide to go all the way," and, don't expect too much from the guys. The ones who date transgenders suffer from all the same sort of male performance hangups as the ones who date genetic females, and the type of guy you see coaching his kids in Little League or at the Peewee Football league game, the 40ish ones who are 35-40 pounds overweight and drive a ten year old Chevy SUV, are more or less typical. :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Marleena
There's fantasy and then there's reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by CodeVeronica
Fantasy SELDOM IF EVER MATCHES UP TO REALITY OF DAY-TO-DAY LIVING
Fantasy is best left in the relam of fantasy ~ while staying well grounded in the World of Reality...........................
Have I fantasies of being intimate with men? Yes I do ~ But I know that for me, myself and I? That's just an extension of my FEMININE PERSONA as Dana. Nothing more and nothing less. To be in a relatonship with a man? T'ain't no way Jose! Not because of this or that and the other. Not because I've trepedations about what society may say or judge. But because relationships ~ any relationshps with anyone ~ there easy to get into ~ can be hard to maintiain ~ require a hugh investment of time, effort, energy, and more often than not money.
There's that! And then other than a "validation" (read that having my parking ticket punched) its nothing more than an extension of my feminine persona.
Deb, I have been looking for it but obviously can't remember enough detail... I'll keep looking!Quote:
Originally Posted by Debglam
Veronica... what I do remember about the post, as does Deb, is that he tried it and it was such a let down. Dana and others have also highlighted this... However... There are a lot of things I wish I had tried when I was younger to find out myself instead of being 'steered' away. And you do not have to tell your parents anything until you are in a position to tell it the way want it to come out...
If you ever do it, it's all about being very close with someone and feeling cherished, not used. It is a good feeling if can find that rarity.:)
I think I'll add a little to my original reply to Veronica. The fact that she is attracted to guys in either guy or girl mode does away with the "bi when dressed" fantasy. She does have to start out slowly to see how it goes for her. Being careful and using protection if it goes further than touching and kissing is a given. She also needs to stay away from horny guys that just want to get their rocks off. She needs to find somebody nice she is attracted to and take it from there.
I have long had the fantasy of being with a man in bed. I have never seen a man that I've been attracted to, but the fantasy is still there. I'm single, so, no worries there. It's a side of me that I would like to explore.
Well, first things first. If you are in an exclusive intimate relationship, then you need to consider the potentially adverse consequences of trying any new intimate relationship, whether with a woman or with a man. On the other hand, if you are single and unattached, then you certainly have the right to try to reach some conclusion on whether you really want to be with a man or whether that thought is just a wild and crazy fantasy.
Assuming that your situation permits experimenting, there is no good reason why you shouldn’t experiment. Certainly you cannot resolve that question through abstract thought alone. If you experiment, then you will figure out rather quickly whether that option is right for you. How much satisfaction did you get from it, compared to what you’ve gotten from other varieties of sexual intimacy? No one except you can assess that. Your emotional responses might be strong and positive; they might be weak or negative. Presumably, what you truly look for is the quality of your experience.
As long as you’re not harming yourself or anyone else, you can try different options and seek to learn from your experiences.
Best wishes, Veronica!
Veronica....its a question that many wonder (including myself) but only YOU can decide what you are looking for. We can all give you our opinions, thoughts, and circumstances, but it is going to have to be your wanting or not wanting to try and experiment that will give you a true answer. I hope that you find it, or you can just be like many of us and just "wonder"
I Think you should try going on a date with a gentleman. Something nice and normal, see how things feel. You'll be able to tell fairly quickly whether it's some fantasy attraction or a real. I do recommend not sleeping with them on the first date that is if you want him to call you again. I've been dating men for about 2 years now I've finally found a great guy who's cool with me no matter my dress. That's the key the guy has to also like you for who you are in order for any type of relationship to develop. Well good luck
Happy Dressing
Very interesting thread. I have had the same thoughts myself.
The advice here was very good. I will take all of it in consideration if I ever decide to act on this desire.
I used to have this question myself. I decided to have an encounter with someone I knew though and discovered that I enjoyed both men and women. This may be what you need, it may not. Just know that if you decide to have your own encounter with a man, use protection, be honest, and don't be afraid to stop if you need. Unfortunately, the truth is hard to come by with it smacking you in the face.
When I was young and was told I was gay because the world didn't know what they do today. I went on a few dates with a guy. What I quickly realized that I was not gay and that ended the experiment. While he was everything a girl could want it wasn't what I wanted. I nver went to bed with him. He was gay and liked me, but we both realized that he wanted a boy friend and I wanted a girl friend. It was fun to be treated as a girl we had a lot of fun on the dates doing the role play. It was fun wearing the cute and sexy clothes while having someone caressing you. I could easily pass and had guys hit on me, but they weren't what I wanted either.
It taught me that while I liked being a girl in form I wanted to be a guy sexually.
I've thought of writing about my experience because it might help others.
If you are in a relationship with a GG, one of the first things they will ask is if you have ever been with a man. If you actually try being with a man, and go back to women, you can not ever tell them (honestly) that you have not been with a man. That may make trying to find and establish a relationship with a GG even more difficult for you. Some folks feel incredibly guilty and ashamed afterward and regret they ever did it. For some it may open doors that they later wish they had not opened.
Think things over very carefully and make sure it is right for you and that you can live with the consequences, before you do something you might regret later.
I talked to a friend that is gay. Most gay men prefer regular looking guys. There are some that prefer CD's, but they are rare. He said that most guys that want to date CD's are usually straight, but want to experiment, just not with a hairy chested male. Seems I've recently read this same thing; just don't remember the website. I would suggest going to a bar or club/organization that's open to gays/CD/TS. Feel the waters before diving in. It may be just a fantasy. Maybe not.
i too was very curious after years of closeted dressing. before my first encounter i was terrified and at the same time very excited to really be the girl on a date. i will be honest and say that it was fun but definitely not what i had imagined it was going to be like. i didnt magically become a woman in the bedroom and i still felt awkward when speaking, but i did have a good time. the next day i felt really bad about the whole thing, second guessing myself, i felt so bad i didnt even reply to his text msgs until a week later. i have decided i want to give it a second try, and that second date might be tomorrow if things go to plan.
From the gay bars that I've been to, they don't get us.
Gay guys want men.....hunky men. Not some dude masquerading as a woman. Though I have found a small contingent of tranny-chasers, they exist. I'll take a free drink from any dude. :)
I dress as a woman. I like women.....that sucks. Where am I? I don't know.
All I know is I love life.
Male lovers and Female lovers are very different experiences, which can be a really nice thing.
With female lovers, there is more interest in love, romance, fantasy, experience of the whole relationship. There is also more sensory experience and a woman who knows you are a cross-dresser can use the clothes, fabrics, and sensations to do some wonderfully intensely sensual things.
With Male lovers, there is more intense sexuality, more passion, more desire, and a sense of security. Men can also be more dominant and possessive, which can make a cross-dresser feel more feminine. In addition, a man is more likely to really enjoy you in pretty mode, even though he may want you mostly naked for making love.
Bisexuals often find a cross-dresser or transexual to be a "perfect match" - giving them the best of both worlds. This is true of both male and female bisexuals.
Depending on where you are, you may find that there are clubs that cater to transgender clients. Los Angeles has a few places that are quite nice. Some gay bars have one or more nights or events targeted to transgenders and transsexuals. If you have been repressing transsexual desires because you haven't had support in the past, you may find that some men would be very supportive and might even help you make the transition.
As always, take all precaution. Unprotected sex with another man is always dangerous. Make sure that people know your exact HIV status. Normally positives will avoid negatives because they don't want to be held responsible for infecting others.
Just to add, and you probably already know this but "too much lube is almost enough."Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbieL
:P
I hope that's not TMI for this forum, but it's important to be safe and not get hurt.
Other than that I can't really add much other than to say find someone you can trust, and remember you can stop at any time.
Here it is:Quote:
Originally Posted by Debglam
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...and&highlight=
This one's on topic as well:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ale-attraction
... and to Veronica, I agree with the others. The only way to know is to try.
This seems to be the general consensus:Quote:
Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite
http://www.aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html
Thank you to everyone for the input and advice. Safety is my number 1 priority. Also, I have been out to bars and such, and have encountered enough guys to have a good idea who are gentlemen, and those who are there just looking for a "fun night." .. for the record, I am definitely not one that wants to be used for a one night stand.
There was one particular man that was very nice to me, and even suggested that we go on a date (like some here suggest i do). I have his number, but ill think about it a bit more.
@ReineD, thank you for finding those threads, ill be sure to give them a good read through.
--- edit
just for clarification, i am currently not in a relationship.
I think this is a pretty normal feeling, it is the acting on it that seperates us and the opportunity(if we ever get one).
Whatever you do be careful and safe, and go slow.
prene
When I crossdress I enjoy being with my wife and having her enter me with the appropriate equipment. I have no currant attraction to men but would like to experience the real thing once, curious to see what it feels like compared to the Toys we use.
But I think if I was Transgendered I would be a Straight man's girl? Perhaps were I young and single and leaning toward Transgender Surgery I might want to test the water a little although it might require putting on a Gay face.
Hopefully we learn as we age. I came to think that I was something other than completely heterosexual at 44, but didn't act on it until I was 51. I was 56 the first time that I crossdressed. I am now 63.
So, what I eventually figured out was that I was in denial for a long time. I think the act of suppressing who we really are is not good, and from my experience, has consequences. As many have said, there is no substitute for actual experience. The trick is to do it in small enough increments that you only go as far as comfortable in case you wish not to continue.
Also, as his been mentioned, the person that you choose is crucial to the process. Once males are set upon a partcular course, they (we) are sometimes difficult to derail. Your partner in this has to be totally on board with the social aspects, the dating and physical intimacy; all with the realization that you may decide not to go further at any point.
At each point, you need to answer some questions for yourself. For example, if you were going on a date, it might be things like:
Be sure to give yourself some time between events. Sometimes it takes a while to sort out our real feelings. Be sure to check in with your partner to see how he is feeling about things.
- What were your expectations before the date?
- How did you feel before the date?
- How did you feel afterwards?
- Did your parner act as you expected?
- Do you feel positive enough to do it again?
- What is the next step?
- Are you ready to take the next step?
Remember, there is no hurry to this. Take it easy and Good Luck!
An older CD I know goes out with men all the time. If they are "gentlemen" and she likes them she invites them in for "coffee" after the date. The point being is always have control of the situation on your own terms.:)
I have been married three times and have had several other relationships and have never been asked that by my wife, girlfriend, or date. Never.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV
I figured out I wasn't straight at a pretty young age. I spent a lot of time trying to change that when I was a teen and ended up depressed constantly with a serious drug problem. Once I learned to accept myself and all the aspects of my personality I was much happier. My wife is well aware that I am bi and lets me indulge in that whenever I want. It does help that she enjoys the show and often likes to join in. The first time I had sex with a man when I was dressed as Rachel I new that was what I wanted to do from now on. The only person I have sex with as a man is my wife. I reccomend trying it.
In your OP you say you are curious about what it's like to go to bed with a man, but maybe that's putting the cart before the horse. How about dating for awhile first, discovering what that whole dynamic is like before you jump into bed? I think a kiss will tell you more about how you feel than all-the-way sex. And btw, I think there's way too much emphasis on the gay thing in this thread. Sure, the act of sex is basically gay sex, but if you hook up with a cool guy who "gets" you, the interpersonal dynamic really doesn't feel gay. And too, you could be more bi than gay.
@Sherri, You're right, my OP jumped the gun. I failed to mention (which i posted about later) about a guy that i met at a bar, and actually insisted that we date. Looking back, i really enjoyed meeting him and getting to know him. He was really sweet.. In any case, ill definitely take it slow so i dont regret anything later on. I for one cant engage in intimacy with the emotional chemistry that develops from dating or just being in a relationship. Only time will tell how i really feel about it all.. at least i think im heading towards an answer.
It is difficult to sum up. Each of us is different in the way we are or how we view this. I'm the same in the sense that in female mode I want to be treated as such and that for me means being into guys. But I am still more interested in girls even when en femme. These feelings have only surfaced since I got more into dressing. I am also more curious about TGs and even CDs. I don't know why but the urge to be dressed en femme and be with either a genetic girl, genetic guy, male crossdresser or a trans guy has just sprung on me from out of nowhere. I get a little confused because when I see a guy I don't think anything of it. When I see a girl I think that she's nice and I would like to be a lesbian. Now the most confusing part fore is now I see CDs and TGs and I think, I would like to be with them as a girl. I think I might actually be Bi but I'm not sure what to make of it since I've never felt this way before.
It's interesting to see so many varied situations and feelings here.
I don't think you can be married and bisexual. Marriage means you have sex with one person and one person only. We don't need to go into the argument that a man can be married to another man, but if you are having sex with your wife and also other people, male or female, you are not being faithful to your wife and your marriage is not really a marriage, just living arrangements.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel Rage
I want to ask you this - Would it be OK with you if your wife was having sex with other people? Would/could you watch? If it was my marriage, I couldn't.
Thanks Reine. That is the one I was thinking of.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Well, from the description his wife is not only okay with it but she participates.Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
That doesn't make their marriage any less valid, just less traditional.
IMO We get into dangerous territory when we start labeling what is a "real marriage".
tip.. try it and see.. even in the attempt you will know how you feel as your are moving toward it so listen and watch.. it is not bad to experiment just be safe. you may know the answer to your query anywhere along the way before you actually go thru with it.. your young so take your time..
we all have to ignore some things about society that inhibit us.
if you just want to experiment, it might be easier to find another CD to try things with. would be much safer, but the other person might back out at the last second. the most important thing to do is be safe. also try to understand when these urges arises. it could be just a fantasy. also you might want to try things on your own with a toy.
Well, I was going to comment on people being judgemental, etc. But decided instead to share my experience with this... because as others have said, no matter what we say here, she will decide for herself. Hopefully, something someone shares in these posts will click for her and help her out... that is up to her of course.
That being said, here is my experience on this topic. I am ... over 40 hehe, and I have struggled with identifying my sexuality since about the age of 10. Am I straight, bi, gay? Society seems to need to label things, and as part of that society... I am not much different. I have experimented with women and men... in all the various roles (for the sake of the 'labelers' top, bottom, vers). I have done this experimentation in various stages of my life, both married and single. During my first marriage, I cheated on her with guys and justified it as 'seeking an answer' to that question. That obviously ended in disaster and I would NEVER recommend that course of action for anyone... ever. I have experimented while single... and I have continued to experiment in my second (and current) marriage. My current wife knows about, approves, and participates with me in all aspects of my life, as I do for her as well.
Here is how I have come to terms with my situation. There are no great revelations here, just how things work for me.
I know that the idea of a relationship with a man (yes, I have tried that as well) does not work for me. The living together, going out, cooking together, watching TV together, cuddling, etc... no... not for me.
I know that a relationship with a GG works for me. I love my wife... dearly.
I know that meaningless (non-emotional) sex with a woman does NOT work for me... we have experimented with women as well as men and I struggle with having sex with another woman (either with her there or without her there... and yes, with her consent).
I know that meaningless sex with a man... works. I'm not sure why... I've spent a lot of time (and money) trying to find that answer and at this point, I don't really care about the exact 'why'... I just know what 'works' for me.
I have (obviously) done a lot of things in life (hey, I'm old), most I'm proud of, some I'm not... but collectively they make up who I am. I share my life experiences with my friends, family, and others (if appropriate). I guess my advice on this topic would be to be truthful to yourself (that is harder than you would imagine) and not really concern yourself with what others may think of you. I know that if someone has an issue with my past, then that person shouldn't be (and therefore isn't) a part of my life. Like/Love me for who I am... or move on. There are close to 7 billion people on this planet, some will be okay with who you are, and the others can f*@$ off.
*Steps off soapbox*
Sorry for ranting. Thanks for listening.
I guess most of my life I have only been attracted to women. I have been married twice and have never been sexually attracted to a man. I have had experiences with several TG girls and that was very satisfying to me. So I guess if a man appears to be feminine and looks like a female I don't really worry about the "equipment" so much. I am attracted to the female form so I guess I could be attracted to a crossdresser if she had a look I like. Never been with one so far though. So even dressed I do not see men as something I want to pursue.
So I can only say if it is safe what does it hurt to try something new? Sometimes there is only one way to know for sure.
Sometimes a fantasy should remain just that. Actually 99% of the time it should remain a fantasy.
If you were truly Bi or gay, it would not just pop up now. You would have thought about it before. You are transferring an idea of what you think a woman should be to your dressing. It is common. But I would just be happy playing this in your mind.
If you really want to do it I won't say no though, just don't do it because you can, do it because it feels right. Does that sound like a mother to a teenage daughter? If you just want the feeling there are toys for that. But it isn't something, in my opinion, you turn off and on when you dress. When I see a man who I find attractive, it does not matter what I wear (women the same BTW). So many here want so bad to be the woman they think they should be they start playing scenes in their mind. I play all the bad thibgs that I did when I was a young guy who wanted nothing more than sex. Yes it was funm but I didn't consider the other person. That is how you will be treated if you blindly go into a male sexual relationship without learning and knowing the other person. (again, get a toy).
My advice, for what it is worth, keep it between your ears for now. It isn't the fairytale you think.
I love my toys and use them regularly. You need to do this first to see if you even like it. I have often thought about penetration from a man and would love to experience it but there is something about bareback that is unsafe so toys it is for me for now.