OK so like when did you suddenly know????

As I have grown up with the idea that I was a GIRL, well, let me rephrase, that I was not a BOY, and then started to like to wear exclusively girls attire in secrecy, where else! This started before any sexuality had surfaced, but quickly became somehow tight into sexuality when it started to become prevalent.

I am not sure that out of extreme confusion in my brain at that time I knew without the doubt that I was a Girl, but I felt that being a Boy wasn't right and being a Girl would had been a fulfillment of desire to be true.

Then at age 16 I had a epiphany moment a eureka of self identity when one day, walking from school I KNEW right then and there that [SIZE="3"]I in fact WAS a GIRL!!!!![/SIZE]
The awakening moment lasted a day and slowly, due to denial, drifted into subconscious to surface 26 years later with gazers of emotional turmoil.

I have read here recollection that some of you didn't know until real late in life, but I am so hesitant to buy into this realm, as I believe there had to be some, perhaps minute, perhaps faint, but some inclination in early years of some sort of glimpse into desire to be or just faint stimuli leading to the thought of femininity.

[SIZE="3"]So, when you really digress into your past do you faintly see the possibility that you knew all along but denied or didn't really pay attention to that faint dream whisper??????[/SIZE]

I knew I was different from my other male siblings. I didn't know what that difference was...except that it generated a lot of teasing and seemed to do with wanting to do girly things. Many decades later, after living most of my life presenting as male, I still can't say I"m a girl...but I can say that I feel very much at ease presenting as a woman to the best of my ability. So, although I'm leaning towards girl, I know I'm some sort of blend.

For moi it was gradual, starting at age eight, at age 56 I decided to live/present as a woman. It was a wise choice.

I think this a really good, introspective question.

I personally didn't fully accept this was me until about 6 months ago. In order to get there I had to tell my wife everything, including about here and the posts I have been making since I joined in Feb 2009.

After our first big talk I assembled all of my posts and sent them to her in one document so she can read at her leisure...and only after that was I able to accept this without a huge overhang of guilt.

Looking back, I have to believe I knew this wasn't really going away around age 10/11. I refused to hang out with the boys and spent my recesses with the girls. Past that age, I didn't have any meaningful relationships with men, all of my friends from that point on were girls.

Not too long after that, puberty set in I was really angry that my voice changed, I got hairy and horny. There is no way I could have stopped the process back then, but looking back I know I would have if I thought there was a chance it could work. But, I did hope every night thereafter that I would somehow wake up as a girl...

Meghan

I think a very common MISCONCEPTION here at this Forum, is that EVERY person who wears "clothing items" designed for females, is doing it to appear more feminine.

Categorically NOT true.

Per Dear Abby/Ann Landers, years and years ago - probably longer than 10 - MANY men wear women's underwear and or pantyhose, simply because they like it/find it more comfortable or because they find it useful. I STILL have the article.

And ya know, both of them were around long before the Internet. So you know THEY can be trusted. If you can't trust them, you can't trust anyone.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

Per Dear Abby/Ann Landers, years and years ago - probably longer than 10 - MANY men wear women's underwear and or pantyhose, simply because they like it/find it more comfortable or because they find it useful. I STILL have the article.

And ya know, both of them were around long before the Internet. So you know THEY can be trusted. If you can't trust them, you can't trust anyone.

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Father Christmas and Santa Claus fall into similar categories too.
If dear Abby answered all her mail and replied to it the postal services of the world would still be sorting it. :)

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

I think a very common MISCONCEPTION here at this Forum, is that EVERY person who wears "clothing items" designed for females, is doing it to appear more feminine.

Categorically NOT true.

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I think it's a very common MISCONCEPTION here at this forum that there is such a MISCONCEPTION here at this forum. Jeez, you don't have to be here very long before you know what people are saying.

Anyway, regarding the original question, when I look back on things I think I knew without really knowing at an early age. E.g., when I was probably around 7 or 8, sometimes when I was in bed at night, I'd wrap the blankets tight around my legs so that I could pretend to be wearing a long dress. There was also the time at about the same age when a girl just up the street invited me to put on one of her dresses. I didn't do it because I knew it was wrong. But I wanted to, and the girl started laughing at me because she could tell I wanted to.

And yet my brain never really switched on. Even when I got into my teen years and was fairly actively CDing, I didn't think about what I was doing. I as pretty good at that sort of thing in my youth--doing stuff without wanting to think about it.

Annabelle

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

I think a very common MISCONCEPTION here at this Forum, is that EVERY person who wears "clothing items" designed for females, is doing it to appear more feminine.

Categorically NOT true.

Per Dear Abby/Ann Landers, years and years ago - probably longer than 10 - MANY men wear women's underwear and or pantyhose, simply because they like it/find it more comfortable or because they find it useful. I STILL have the article.

And ya know, both of them were around long before the Internet. So you know THEY can be trusted. If you can't trust them, you can't trust anyone.

---

Extremely disagree with that point of view! However I give in to the notion that views are simply scenarios of presumption in someone's mind!!!!
However, In my humble opinion, any male wearing womans designated attire, what ever it may be, wears it because:
1. they don't know that it is exclusive to female attire
2. they need to wear a medical garment only available made for females (which is probably a cop out, LOL)
3. they want to feel and exude feminine charge within them selves.
4. they project an image of a female in the mirror congruent with how they see their alter ego, yet separate from their self.

[SIZE="1"]I reserve the right to know everything as perceived by my own self, result to have tendency to be right, and at the same time to be utterly wrong about everything yet confined by limitations of my own imagination and learned knowledge obtained from external stimuli. If you feel you must complain, please direct your communication to Innas complaint department, PO bOX 000001 Kabul, ooooo1 Afganistan[/SIZE]

Never ever said I was a girl.... or wanted to be a girl....... just have to dress like them.... plain and simple.... don't know why.... don't care why......

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Never ever said I was a girl.... or wanted to be a girl....... just have to dress like them.... plain and simple.... don't know why.... don't care why......

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Hmmm, I somehow expected a bit more from you :) The OP does not state that anyone is or wants to be a GIRL, simply of knowing of being different and perhaps not entirely a BOY. Surely you are not saying that CDers wear woman's clothes to be more manly.......??????

One can "wish" as hard as they want. Or until the cows come home. STILL won't change the FACTS.

NO ONE HERE IS A MIND READER.

So, pretending to know how and why EVERY single person thinks/does what they do is simply "unproductive" and not a very good influence on the newer members here.

Wearing clothing will not turn you into a woman but it may help you discover that you identify as one and to what degree.

In relation to gender who you identify with or as can be a pure expression of one or the other or a blending of both that is fluid.

There is little that belongs only to men or only to women and much of what one gender is overlaps onto the other gender such that some women are thought to be masculine and some men thought to be feminine.

Everyone starts out female at conception so it is a change from one to another, a movement from the female to being less female that makes the male, the removal of the Fe from the male so it becomes a question of how much of the Fe was removed.

Technically all males are in some sense female even though there are males who will become angry at the thought of this because it feels like an attack (insult) to them.

My conscious mind accepted what those in power told me, that I am a boy but my subconscious mind believed strongly and completely that this was not true so consciously I became very interested in anything that dealt in metamorphism such as the caterpillar into a butterfly.

I became obsessed with trying to learn how this was done because I wanted to physically change also, but I did not understand the implications of why and what I wanted to change into.

Also we are attracted to what we identify with, who we relate with and to. I sought out the company of those who identified as transgendered or who performed as drag queens because like my caterpillar I was trying to discover how they had managed this because my subconscious mind (unknown mind) wanted something it needed for itself but at the same time I was repelled by them because of the fear I experienced for myself so I did not want to acknowledge my own truth.

Toys are an expression of subconscious identity and some girls will humanize a truck if that is all they have instead of using the truck as a tool like typical boys do.

Movies are also a powerful indication of identity because movies are able to create and bend fantasy turning it into a longed for reality.

I had the same intense interest when a man dressed up as a woman as I did in my caterpillar, always about Metamorphosis because I already had my identity but was trying to "become" it

My own life long experience with hormonal problems are an indicator to me this is all biological and I even think there is a biological basis for those who CD but clearly identify as men because the biology determines how far we move away from the Female to the male.

We are born with a brain structure that is than shaped by experience but that experiencing is defined by the structure and the structure lives in the subconscious.

The tension between the subconscious and the conscious is the difference between what "is" and what we think "is" is, between truth and opinion.

I suddenly "knew" when my subconscious and conscious became "one" bringing up from the depths of "me" that which was always there out into the light of day (consciousness).

Truth leaves its bread crumbs scattered all over our lives it is just a matter of having the courage and wisdom to read the bread crumbs (tea leaves) so you can devine the meaning.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

One can "wish" as hard as they want. Or until the cows come home. STILL won't change the FACTS.

NO ONE HERE IS A MIND READER.

So, pretending to know how and why EVERY single person thinks/does what they do is simply "unproductive" and not a very good influence on the newer members here.

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Everyone has a right to express their own opinions and no one truly has the right to tell them they are wrong, unless of course they clearly and certainly are wrong! I absolutely agree with that! And so I have put in a little wordage into the previous rebuttal : "In my own humble opinion"

On the other hand, I am a seeker, to know is to understand and to understand is to fully appreciate the mechanisms of life. To see the marvel of circumstance become inevitable event, pain turn to joy, guilt into serenity, darkness into light!

Oh, I knew early on without a doubt. As soon as I heard about Christine Jorgensen I knew I wanted the same. It was a solution to feelings that plagued me for about 6 years as a young person.The societal climate at that time, however, was very bitter in what was expected with fulfilling birth roles. Then came Viet Nam and it was even harder to try and be myself. How would I ever do that, I wondered and still be expected to possibly go to war?

I lasted two tours in Nam and fully intended to get a sex change as they were called at that time(as I thought that was my only option) when I got out of the Army in 1971 but then other things happened. I got religion and met my future wife and decided to give the guy thing a chance.

It went well for awhile but then the feelings came flooding back shortly after marriage and we had a baby on the way, so I buried the feelings once again to maintain my husband and provider role as others depended on me now and it was no longer just about myself. So it went until the children began to leave the nest. This was a hard time for my wife, so we grew apart and I decided to once again develop my feminine feelings but this time openly. I also decided to balance my feelings and learned that they went very deep and were part and parcel of my spirituality, so realized I did not have to physically transition after all to be myself.

In any case, I knew long ago when I was about 4 or 5 I was a girl inside. The rest as they say my friend, is history.:)

I was a young teen during the height of the "Second Feminist Revolution" (early-ish 1970's), so I was aware of women being treated worse then men. And I wondered what the experience was like. But since I wasn't female (then), I couldn't know the experience directly, so I did the closest experiment I could, namely to try wearing the clothes to at least experience the supposed discomfort and confinement of women's clothes.

Or at least that's what I told myself at the time. It doesn't explain why I kept at it or enjoyed it. And fishing through my memories, I have a nagging feeling that by then I had already tried on discarded nylons a few times.

Anyhow, that spate of "trying on clothes" ended by the time I moved away to university, and was mentally filed under "experiments, youthful, concluded". It was 25-ish years after that before I realized that I was a cross-dresser, and a few more years before I realized I was transgender.

Early thoughts of femininity? Not that I recall. I was pretty sure that I was a boy, and my confusion was about what was wrong with the other boys that they weren't more like me. I had access to boys books from the early part of the 20'th century, and to series such as The Hardy Boys, series in which boys might sometimes be naughty about eating a pie, but the bulk of the boys were portrayed as "Little Gentlemen", and certainly I was one of those -- so I had reason to think I was a good boy.

It is really only in retrospect that I can review my childhood and say that signs were already there, that I was transgender without being aware of it then.

ALWAYS KNEW !! Something wasn't rite ,, Growing up in a strict Cathlic Family ,,,No way I could ever tell ,., Out of the question ,, But I always dressed an just pit it away off an on ,,,Till now ,,,But ya learn day after day ,, Still learning ,, But not even a shred of any question in my mind what so ever what I am or was back then an now . Never the right time an you gotta make time . So lets go ,,, Times a wasting .

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Originally Posted by Inna

Hmmm, I somehow expected a bit more from you :) The OP does not state that anyone is or wants to be a GIRL, simply of knowing of being different and perhaps not entirely a BOY. Surely you are not saying that CDers wear woman's clothes to be more manly.......??????

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Ooh.... now I'm supposed to answer the question that was asked? Jeezzzz..... Personally I still don't think I'm different....

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Ooh.... now I'm supposed to answer the question that was asked? Jeezzzz..... Personally I still don't think I'm different....

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Oh, mining engineers are so serious sometimes. You are you Karr, plain and simple.:battingeyelashes::)

hindsight is always 20/20.
yeah in that dim, poorly understood way I always knew ... always.
I mean I tried like hell to deny it; to forget about it; to ignore it hard enough that it'd stop being there.
For large chunks of my life I was marginally successful in that effort.

I mean I don't think "I am a girl" as the OP puts it. Clearly I am not. But there's something different about me and it seems pretty strongly tied to gender expression and clothing. So ... yeah. "Always knew" ... but "most of the time didn't understand".

A very long time, I've always felt out of place and "different" in that I've had a hard time acting like a man since it felt like the instincts just weren't there.
Loads of daydreams growing up where I could be a girl and it wasn't my fault. (witness protection, a bloody cocoon?!)

I crossdressed until I became aware that wearing my mom's clothes was starting to feel a bit creepy, so I put it away in a little corner of my mind since there wasn't much else I could do.
Fast forward until I got health problems, all that stuff comes flooding back and while I could put it away again it got harder each time and the duration much shorter.

Clothes don't mean much to me, I'm more interested in getting rid of my male appearance and seeing where that goes.
:)

I am one of those late onset people. Growing up, I had absolutely no idea nor any inclination to wear female clothing, nor did I feel I was different. So one year ago, at age 65 I put on that first pair of panties, and it just exploded. Sure it had to be there, but there was never anything. Was it suppressed? Sure it was, but it was not a conscious effort. The last year has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences as i try to fit some 50 plus years of experiences into this one year.

I can now use hindsight and see things that I thought were typically male behavior. A constant fascination with things feminine, the form, behavior, heels, hose, and on and on. Figures all males had the same thoughts. Little did I know.

Barbara

For me I don't think the question is when I knew...I always knew. The question is ...when did I decide to stop fighting it and finally just accept it? Just a few months ago I guess. Until then I just thought it would go away If I didn't do it.

For me, it was more like when did I suddenly realize I was a boy and not a girl! I remember slowly realizing that I was expected to hang out and play with the boys and wasn't supposed to like playing with my dollies, couldn't carry my purse to the store with mom, etc. I was very disappointed because mom was my role model from the get go (well, she still is) and I wanted nothing more in life than to be a carbon copy of her! Still feel that way today and always will, in spite of the hand life has dealt me!

I knew I was different in my early teens I felt more feminine.Loved playing with and hanging out with girls.
I caught tons of heat from my guy friends calling me a sissy but I didn't come to grips with it until much later in life.
Over compensated to prove I was all man because of social regulations of the 60's and 70's era.
In the 80's-90's I became more aware and started to try to come to and understanding but shoved it back into the back of my mind.
In the 2000's I said screw it time for me to be me and do some education on my own and ended up here and finally came out which was the best thing I ever did.
I feel free to express myself in any way I desire.

I knew in 2nd Grade that I wanted to be a girl. 1970's blue collar town and it was made pretty clear that it was not "normal." A couple of stories from the time, one funny and one not so much.

Funny: The school library had a couple of magazines, "Boy's Life" and "Girl's Life." I thought, in my 8 year old mind, that all the secrets of being a girl and fitting in with the girls HAD to be in Girl's Life. Every time I tried to read that magazine, the school librarian would steer me towards "Boy's Life" as being the appropriate magazine for me to read. When I FINALLY stole a copy of Girl's Life I was crushed! It was as boring and pointless as Boy's Life! Oh well. . .

Not So Funny: I also convinced my parents that I should let my hair grow long "like everybody else." (1970's don't forget.) It reached shoulder length and I remember how happy I was that I could play with it like the girls in class. Somehow, my parents figured out "why" I wanted my hair so long and I was hauled off to the barber shop for a close haircut. I cried but I guess it "worked" because it only took about 40 years for me to come to terms with my gender and find a place where I am really happy!

I think that is why I subscribe to a couple of blogs from parents raising trans kids. What a wonderful world it is becoming!

Debby

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Over compensated to prove I was all man because of social regulations of the 60's and 70's era.
In the 80's-90's I became more aware and started to try to come to and understanding but shoved it back into the back of my mind.
In 2012 (my change date) I said screw it time for me to be me and do some education on my own and ended up here and finally came out which was the best thing I ever did.
I feel free to express myself in any way I desire.

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Tracii, I'm able to use most of your background. My difference is that as a toddler, I would get into mommy's stuff and hide it. She would always find the stash. That's because it was only hidden under my bed. LOL

I really, really loved trying on girdles and bras during the fifties and sixties, and would do so whenever I was alone in a female family member's home. It never ended or even stalled for very long. But the guilt and shame caused me to go into overcompensating on the male side during my teens. I did not believe myself to be into transvestism, even though now it's clear that I was. Boy did I ever fight to not give in.

My aha moment came several years after I was married, in the 1980's. Coulda shoulda had it before we were married, but that wasn't meant to be. We were grossly undereducated in gender studies those days. General therapy was poor to the point of using shock treatment on the poor cross dresser who chose to go to them.

I never thought that I was different I always thought that it was the others that were different.

I don't remember any epiffany. I do remember lying in bed at the age of 13, crying and wishing I was a girl. Then I grew up and life went on. Now here I am, almost 50 years later, and right back at the beginning again.

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Originally Posted by Inna

I am not sure that out of extreme confusion in my brain at that time I knew without the doubt that I was a Girl, but I felt that being a Boy wasn't right and being a Girl would had been a fulfillment of desire to be true. Then at age 16 I had a epiphany moment a eureka of self identity when one day, walking from school I KNEW right then and there that I in fact WAS a GIRL!!!!!

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[SIZE="2"]I’ve always known that I am a boy. It's obvious. You CAN be a MtF crossdresser and exist as a male, in fact I am living proof of that. To me, wearing the clothing of a girl does not make me a girl, nor does it instill me with the idea that I MUST actually be a girl. I’m just cross-dressing, or wearing clothes I am not supposed to wear, to help me achieve a personal state of heightened existence and enjoy a certain type of pleasure…

When I first dressed up completely, head to toe, actively trying to see how far I could go, pushing the imaginary boundaries (so to say), I looked in the nearby mirror and my new appearance fascinated me. For the briefest of moments I wondered if I was meant to be a girl all along, but this only lasted for a tenth of a second at best. The moment passed, and I smiled and whispered, “This is really COOL!!!”
:battingeyelashes:[/SIZE]

I knew by the time I was five or six. Always wanted to be a Girl. I Could not wait until I grew into my mother's cloths. Then Hated it when I could no longer fit into them. Loved it when I bought my own cloths in my early teens. Had a hard time Hiding them.

My moment of knowing I was different was as a kid in school in England at about age 12 .I watched in revulsion and horror how so many of the boys were little thugs spitting on others,pushing ,shoving,tripping,throwing stones and beating others,including grabbing girls bags and books etc and throwing them all over. I could not believe that people acted this way.

I knew I had nothing in common with these little rats since I was gentle,sincere,thoughtful and compassionate.I often helped up the beaten children and took them to the office or nurse with other girls who cared. Some of the girls said they admired this about me,I just thought we are supposed to look after each other are we not?

Later on I learned to defend myself out of necessity,I hate fighting but glad that I 'thumped' some of the bullies really well and they stopped picking on me. Even after all of this I am still soft-hearted,feminine and usually gentle though I trust few.
I definitely gravitated and still do towards women,though today I've seen more rough women than ever where I live now,lol. Funny old world isn't it?

I hope I didn't ramble too much and as I age I feel more empowered with my CD TG life.

Hugs Victoria P xoxox

Girl? Boy? do I have to choose? I just like being me and apparently that means that sometimes I am comfortable being a boy and other times a girl. Unfortunately society is the one with the problem of me embracing my feminine side. I mean really, do I have to be one or the other?

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Originally Posted by Sally24

I don't remember any epiffany. I do remember lying in bed at the age of 13, crying and wishing I was a girl. Then I grew up and life went on. Now here I am, almost 50 years later, and right back at the beginning again.

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Almost exactly my story -- it wasn't possible no matter how hard you wished, so you make do with what you got!; early days of crossdressing were spotty but the urge was always present - Only now has it been possible to take it further ........................Debra

I honestly cant recall a thing before the age of about 15 had a serious skull injury at about 10 wiped out my entire childhoog but ,ive always had a feeling something wasnt right about me i wasnt like the other boys and i massively over compensated due to it.

But i do recall the eureka moment i worked out what it was partially i was 15ish and went for a bath after my mom had just come out of it leaving her clothes in there and for no apparent reason i just put them on skirt stockings ,garter belt bra the works and just sat there for ages feeling normal, been doing it ever since on and off over the years.

Now after finally getting my life back after 8 years of athritis flare ups its back and this time its brought all the old baggage issues and epic denial with it and its just too much this time im seeking the help i wish id been brave enough to seek when it all started 21 years ago to my perspective.

On talking to family members it turns out i was a strang lil boy too i used to play with my sisters dolls with them and the sindy house and prefered to play house in my grans shed growing up ,but i cant remember it but it somehow feels right.

My epiphany was at age 55...sudden and sharp...one minute a guy and literally 3 minutes later my wife is online buying me a dress!!!

Since then my wife and I have looked at my life to find those moments where I was "different" without having a clue as to why. The list is massive (ok, ok, so I can be a bit dense sometimes!). I played the violin from age 8, I preferred to play board games with the neighboring kids who were mostly girls, I had a teddy bear I was very much attached to, and at lunch in high school I always sat with 5 girls! There were also some very conflicted and emotional moments at age 4-5 that I could not understand until Tina arrived and had that perspective.

This is why Tina so fascinates us! She was always there, but only now do we recognize her, and wonder how she will affect our future now that we know she exists!

I went the other way. When I was young and enjoyed wearing fem clothes I thought that I must want to be a girl. It was drilled into me that wearing womens clothes ment you were gay and a deviant criminal. After having the chance to be accepted as a girl and date guys I found that I didn't want to be a girl and was not attracted to guys. I did like appearing sometimes as a girl, but sexually was only attracted girls. I also liked my guy self and guy world.

I've never understood why we try to put sex and gender into a black white world when we are all so different and accepting of the rest of our characteristics in so many colors.

Let's start off with saying that im quite new to this, only recently discovered the joy of crossdressing. This by no means means that i only started doing it just now. I can't even remember when it started, always been like this. And as any kid i snooped around in my moms closet and so on. I never thought there was anything wrong with me what so ever. That all changed when i was 12. One day i came home and found a very disturbed and angry mother in the living room, tears in her eyes and everything. "How could you do this to me" were her exact first words she used, can still remember it. So i asked what the problem was and she threw 2 foam paddings in front of me. The paddings i used to fill up a bra. Before i go on, you have to know that i used to live in a small country village, katholic to the bone, if you didnt go to church weekly you were not a good person, that kind of town. And my mum went ballistic on me, 'how could you?' and 'there has to be something wrong with you' were the more nice terms i got tossed my way that day. So the secret was out, but it also ment in my situation that my mum started cleaning my room weekly, offcourse cleaning was the excuse she used, poking around in my closets was the real reason, every week my closets got cleaned out and everything put back in place neatly. Went on for years like that. Did that stop me? No it didnt. We had a lesbian couple living in my appartement building that heard the fight with my mom about it and they came to tell me that they never used their cellar, so if i wanted to hide my things there, i could. Wich i did and it kept out of problems with my mom for a long time. Then the first girlfriend appeared. Came from a strict catholic family, not really openminded. But one day she asked me to wear her garterbelt...so i thought YES....but no....she found it horrible, i was not her man anymore, big bummer on my part but i thought it was better to not tell her about my feelings about it. And then came the day she found out anyway...and everything ended. 2 months later we broke up. That was the start of the time i almost got convinced myself that maybe those women, including my mom, were right, and just maybe there was something wrong with me. So i basicly forced myself to stop doing it. But the urge never went away. Needless to say i didnt become a really joyfull person in that period. Then i met the woman that was to become my wife. She was the first one i told about my urge to crossdress, and at first she didnt say anything about it, she even bought me my first corset for example. But after years she started making problems about it, about how she didnt like it and never did and all that bla bla, at wich point i asked her why she bought me a corset if she didnt agree with it. And she replied that she hoped it would pass, that it was only a phase. Obviously she didnt bother to listen to a word i told her. So we ended up in a divorce, and not a pretty one. Once there are kids in play a divorce turns into world war 3 so it seems. This was about a year ago. Ever since the breakup i gave in to my urge to crossdress, but never with makeup, never a wig or something, just the clothes. And then i met my current girlfriend and everything changed. In the beginning of our relationship on a drunken night, i told her about my crossdressing, and she told me she figured that much. She had a peek in my closet and saw some clothes in there that were not mine, and my ex wife would never have fitted into, so she put 2 and 2 together and ended up with the right idea. And she didnt seem to mind. But i never dressed up when i was with her, felt too weird for some reason. But she took it upon herself to find out how far my crossdressing went so she started talking with my about it, hours and hours.... until she said 'well, then show me....get your stuff and show me'. And she didnt laugh at me or anything, wich for me was a plus. If i found the one woman that were to 'look the other way' i was happy enough, but she didnt stop there. Went on for months like that, dressing up every now and then, but never for long periods of time, i always had the idea that it went far enough after an hour or 2 and then id take em off again. But my girlfriend had the feeling something was missing (so she told me a few days ago). So one day she asked me if she could fix me up the proper way, instead of just clothes, if she could do my hair and makeup... I didnt know what i heard. I never thought about makeup in the first place and here was a woman that asked me, the 'weird crossdresser' (wich is what i still thought of myself up to that point), if she could do make up on me.... Took a while for me to get past the point of shame so to speak, eventually i agreed. And what happened then is a moment ill cherish for the rest of my life. The moment she started playing with my hair (yes i have long hair) i started feeling .... 'right' if thats the term to use. I loved it, absolutely loved it. Then came the makeup, and just her putting it on me...i loved it. And then came the moment, when she was all done... she took a few steps back and just smiled at me. 'Gorgeous' was her first word. And then i looked in the mirror...and everything just fell into place. It all felt right. I thought i looked 'silly' at first (so i thought), it felt right. I was complete at last...and thats how it felt. And my girlfriend absolutely loves it aswell. And this forum (yippee for internet anonimity) is the first place i shared my story with anyone. And when i wanted to sign up here...i asked her for a name...'give me a name sweety'....and she called me Myrdin :D It took 40 years of wondering in dark places in my mind, but finally, 2 months after my 40'th birthday...i feel i am who i wanna be. And im not a 24/7 crossdresser, i dont want to be a woman neither, i feel perfectly fine being a man, yet there is a side of me that just needs to reveal itself (or herself, call it what you like). There are days i walk around dressed all day, and there are days i dont... Either way, the full person being 'me' now for the first time feels complete, all thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, i cant thank her enough.

A very moving post, thank you hon for adding it here.

I've always known I was different. I get on better with girls than boys.

I dressed since I was about fourteen or fifteen. But it wasn't until recently that I realised I might be more female than I thought. My GF has brought me to this point. She accepted and encouraged me and it has made me see in the mirror who I want to see. That girl staring back with a smile on her face is me.

That was a lovely story Myrdin. Your GF sounds like a keeper. My GF is like that too. Tell your GF I think she's wonderful :) hold onto her.

Myrdin you did make me tear up, the good tears though, pain and sorrow seems to go along within the path we all walk towards serenity of being just who we are.

Love, Inna