For MTF's with accepting or at least tolerant SO's

It gets kinda depressing seeing marriage breakups and so much stress caused by CD/TG/TS partners. Obviously it's not our fault we do what we do.

I'm one of the lucky ones being TS but no plans for SRS which would be a deal breaker for us. Boundaries here are no dressing in our own town and keeping my TS status private. She shops with me, goes out with me and is fine with it so far.

So.. if your SO accepts or at least tolerates (DADT too) you dressing please post and let us know what is and isn't acceptable.Thanks!
GG's and SO's are welcome to post too.:)

My wife saw a purchase for some lingerie on my credit card bill and thought I was haveing an affair. So she started to snoop around and she found my stash. We had the long talk, she said she was relieved it was not an affair. It took some time the usual ups and downs but things settled down and we are having fun with it. Boundaries, don't let the neighbors find out or our son or anyone we know. These boundaries are softening, I think she is starting to understand that this is who I am.

Getting my ears pierced :(

Not telling my son (22) who still lives with us, daughter of 25 already knows having found a picture of me in PC aged 13

Making sure neighbours and fiends do not find out.

Keep my leg shaving only over winter period (September to April)

Acceptable, all forms of female clothing, including breast forms. My two favorite bras, she picked out for me. We have clothes shopped together and we have also bought shoes together. Wigs and make up are ok, it doesn't matter if I am going for the "school girl" look, or the "business woman" look. As she says, "everyone has the right to have some fun". She gets involved in various ways, whether that be role playing, or asking me to dress a certain way. On this past weekend she suggested that we get a mani/pedi together, I said that I would want the whole nine yards, she said what color would you want your toes to be, hope it would not be too bright. I said, "how about a soft pink, or purple", she said, "how about black to match your personality".

The only boundary is that this is all done within the home setting. Clear nail polish on the hands only! She wants to be the only one to know about my habits. Yes she does know about this forum, and it is fine with her, she know of my girl name, but doesn't use it.

This has been a process that has taken many years to get to this point. Love conquers all, and with a little patience anything can happen.

PS. Keeping the body shaved, I had better have a really good excuse if anyone asks. It is easier to grow the leg hair out to a well trimmed point during the summer. It is amasing how short trimmed arm and leg hair is just enough to not draw comments, or maybe no one cares.

My wife had one rule "Don't embarrass me".

My GF didn't really have any rules but we had an understanding that I would be as classy as possible when we were together (so as to be the same class as she was)

I wish more of my dear friends had more acceptance, it could be so much fun dressing together and or shopping.But it begs to question their claim of love if the superficial wrapping paper of dresses and make up is a big deal

My wife fully accepts. She does not have any required boundaries - just about anything is OK with her. I do try to address her needs and to communicate as best I can.

I have a fully supportive wife. She hasn't really set any boundries. There are several things she doesn't like, such as breast forms. I just wear a size adding pushup Wonderbra....it's more comfortable anyway.

I make sure I am the man she married at least 90% of the time.

I have also told her that I will never embarrass her.

She knew Sami well before we married.

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Originally Posted by Marleena

...Obviously it's not our fault we do what we do...

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I disagree. Although the word "fault" isn't the most positive word, I take full responsibility regarding what clothes I put on and when. I am not a victim of my gender expression.

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I'm one of the lucky ones being TS but no plans for SRS which would be a deal breaker for us. Boundaries here are no dressing in our own town and keeping my TS status private. She shops with me, goes out with me and is fine with it so far.

So.. if your SO accepts or at least tolerates (DADT too) you dressing please post and let us know what is and isn't acceptable....

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In our household we have agreed that everything is acceptable that is a healthy, sensible form of gender expression. What doesn't fly is neglecting to take responsibility for what I do (see above). We do have a 7 year old in the house and we have agreed to not expose her to my femme side until we both feel she is ready for that, whenever that may be. It doesn't matter if she's 8 or 18.

My wife and I pretty much do everything together as we are virtually attached at the hip. Soul mates. Sometimes we do all the things we do as husband/wife, and other times as girlfriends so to speak. It's all pretty fluid at this point, without a lot of negotiation really. We very much enjoy and treasure one another.

She understands that taking issue with healthy forms of gender expression, no matter how you spin it, is still non-acceptance, and non-acceptance is rejection. We both came into this relationship having put EVERYTHING on the table prior to merging households and getting married. Looking back, we see that approach was indeed wise because we don't have to hide anything. That's the ultimate in relationship freedom...

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Originally Posted by Marleena

It gets kinda depressing seeing marriage breakups and so much stress caused by CD/TG/TS partners. Obviously it's not our fault we do what we do.

I'm one of the lucky ones being TS but no plans for SRS which would be a deal breaker for us. Boundaries here are no dressing in our own town and keeping my TS status private. She shops with me, goes out with me and is fine with it so far.

So.. if your SO accepts or at least tolerates (DADT too) you dressing please post and let us know what is and isn't acceptable.
Thanks!

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Don't know what good it will do, as everyone has different takes on this....

In my case, GF knows, and is fully accepting. I wear a skirt and stockings around her place. Haven't tried to dress, not sure i want to, but will probably explore that, with her help. We may go halloween shopping tomorrow, and see what we find. As an experiment, I came to bed wearing stockings, ( stay ups ) the other night, didn't do a whole lot for me, partly because they are a bit thermal, and it was too hot. I'm on the look out for a garter belt, and decent stockings I can wear, not sure if I'll enjoy them, but I've always liked the look. I think she is quite keen for me to actually come out, and has said she has no issue with me wearing a skirt at work, ( we work together ) I believe i can do that without hassle from senior staff, but not sure how to ask...She won't push me, but is giving little encouraging signs, at least, that's how I intepret it. We did go for a walk around the local neighborhood the other night. ( around her place, I'm not quite brave enough to do it around my own ) Only saw a couple of police officers, but they displayed no interest as they went off to interview someone else.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

My wife had one rule "Don't embarrass me".

My GF didn't really have any rules but we had an understanding that I would be as classy as possible when we were together (so as to be the same class as she was)

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Thats for sure ,,, No Embarressments at all ,,, Hell I don't blame her one bit ,,, Who would want that ? Try an keep it on the down low like ya got some sense ? Most of the Time ,,,But hell look who your dealing with ,,,LOL,,,,

Boundaries are pretty easy: Tina is private with us and when she wants her man she gets him. Those two do have ramifications, but it all comes back to those two which makes it all pretty easy and rather simple! As with all things in our marriage, our consideration for our mate is paramount, and nothing we would consider a "rule".

We have unstated boundaries. Since she has not screamed or yelled for a number of years I am assuming I have not broken any of the unstated boundaries. With DADT you really do not know if you stepped in a pile until it's too late. I am assuming she would not want me to let others know, intentionally or unintentionally. I have ventured out for evening strolls and drives when she has been out of town. I am assuming she would frown on those activities, if she knew. Twenty-five to thirty years ago she actually told me to join a support group, if I chose. I called a group but found the telephone conversation to be immature and childish. My irritation about crossing by a straight faithful male is the number of women who will kick the guy to the curb although they have been married for decades. And, frankly, and, I do not intend or care if I ruffle feathers, this perpetual argument about deceit and lying is a bunch of crap.

My girlfriend is the one that put 2 and 2 together and noticed something was missing. Let me explain. First of all it took a while before i told her i dressed. But she guessed that much she told me, why else would there be womens clothing in a divorced man's closet? Even then it took a few months before i did it infront of her, actually, she was the one that told me to show her. So i did. Back then there was no make up involved. And she was the one that told me she wanted to fix me up right at least once. So i let her do it. And a whole new world opened up for me. She's the one that named me Myrdin, sexiest thing she ever did imo. All she set as a boundry is that she still wants the man she met every now and then, wich is fine for me, its not like i'm unhappy being a guy.

I am saving the longer story to tell later, but as of about 6 months ago, Meghan is 100% out to my wife.

She put absolutely no boundaries on what I do. I can dress and wear what I want, whenever I want. Moreover, she loves Meghan for what she is doing for all of us. My wife is extremely open-minded, fair and I trust her to never ever hold my femininity against me.

My boundaries are currently self-imposed. I don't openly dress in front of the kids or in the business world, although I do see that coming sometime soon (work). I do wear trouser socks when I do have to dress up for work, and of course panties every day. I sleep in a nighty or a soft shirt when kids aren't home, and a soft shirts when they are here.

The kids are almost grown so I expect I will be coming out to them at some point in the fairly near future. After that point, I doubt I will go back to male mode very often if at all. I am pretty sure they won't be surprised. No adult in my life has yet!

The most important thing I can convey is this: Without the help, support, love and care from my wife, I (Meghan) would have never seen the light of day.

Meghan

This is what I was hoping to see. Please keep 'em coming. It will give others proof that being an MTF is not always the end of a relationship.:)

My GF is perfectly fine with my femme self as she knows who I am.She also knows I have no plans to transition and is looking forward to going to the club dancing with me this Friday. She will get a "treat" as it is TG/CD themed weekend this week. She is relatively new to this kind of exposure but she values others for who they are as people. Works for me Marleena.:battingeyelashes::)

I am not exactly the "average" TG, I don't shave, i wear a mustache, and use no makeup. I wear panties 24/7, can regularly be found in a camisole and skirt and paint my toenails go-to-hell-red. I dress this way in public and around the house. My wife buys me skirts and other women's clothing, as well as earrings and bracelets. She does protest when I get a bit too "swishy", as she calls it, and says she wants a man for her partner, not a woman. She told me she will ask me to be a man when she needs that. Recently, she also asked hat I draw the line on shoes and not wear specifically women's (I wear unisex clogs with no issue), I believe she would balk at a pair of maryjanes. The other limits would be wearing makeup, forms, and shaving my body hair. It is a delicate dance, not always easy. I do wish we could be girlfriends from time to time, but she has pretty much ruled that out.

My wife is finally ok with me going out into public. It wasn't always that way but after a little more than a year she has relaxed on the whole thing.

Rule #1 Not to out myself to the world as it will out her and she is not ready for that.

Rule #2 Don't dress more than 40% of our time together as a woman.

Rule #3 Watch the amount of money I spend on my hobby, as she calls it.

Launa

My wife is quite accepting of this part of me. As for what "isn't" acceptable? All the things that I also think to be unacceptable. Makes for an easy time at home.

My girlfriend is 100% supportive, she finds Willow a lot of fun and really bubblely. She hasn't put up any rules or boundries, I've put up a few though. Its very nice that she supports me being trans and dressing. I love her sooooo much <3 :)

My wife has one demand, keep loving her. Everything else is perfectly fine. But I still do things for her. There are times that are probably better for him to be there even though she says she is okay with Sue. Our recent anniversary was a good example. Also, she loves to be in on the discussions when I tell someone about me, so I try and make those happen with her around. The support during those talks is tremendous, so it works out better anyway.

My Dear Sweet Wife is accepting as she can be. I can dress at home while she is around, provided, no wig, no make up other than light shades of lipstick, C size breast forms or smaller, and no dresses or skirts with out letting her know ahead of time. I can go out, but no where near our town. We shop together, for each other, me in drab. She has meet with other CDs (in drab) and their wives. She has gone to SO nights out, with the other wives. I can not and will never complain, she was not fully aware of my condition, before we had been married more than 25 years.

My wife accepts and supports my effeminate habits with only one specific rule, which applies to both of us and is something we agreed to a long time ago.

Don't let the baby know- unless we've discussed and decided that is what we are going to do (and have agreed upon how we are going to do it). The baby is now three.

My wife is .... different .... but then again, maybe not so different to some wives either. She has known about me from the beginning as we met on a CD forum (not this one). She is currently our TG support group's Vice President and is very active in our group. She's a huge trans ally and supporter and has TS friends as well as CD friends.

As far as her husband goes (although she never refers to me as the "H word" when I am dressed she always introduces me as her "spouse, Rachel") well ... I kind of don't really have any boundaries. Ok maybe one ... no transitioning! .. but that's totally ok as I identify as part-time CDer and so dressing just a few times a month is more than enough for me. I'm out to her side of the family as they live closer.

My wife is hugely supportive, encouraging and almost always participates in my dressing as we nearly always go out and socialize together as "two girls" either just the two of us on our own, or in smaller groups with other "crossdressing couples" and of course, we're out together at our TG support group's events too.

The other thing is, both her and I like to also go out together (just the two of us) doing "husband and wife things" too (movies, restaurants, a walk in the park etc) and my clothes are either unisex or only slightly girly when we do husband and wife socializing. It's a match made in heaven and I realize I am very lucky indeed to have her in my life.

I am fully 100% accepting. He has no rules and no boundaries. Rules seem to get overlooked and envelopes gets pushed so I have let go of all of that.

my wife is accepting of the fact that i do dress but doesn't want to see it or hear about so very much DADT she is ok with seein me wear panties around the house but isn't a real big fan of even that :(

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Originally Posted by Marleena

It gets kinda depressing seeing marriage breakups and so much stress caused by CD/TG/TS partners. Obviously it's not our fault we do what we do.

I'm one of the lucky ones being TS but no plans for SRS which would be a deal breaker for us. Boundaries here are no dressing in our own town and keeping my TS status private. She shops with me, goes out with me and is fine with it so far.

So.. if your SO accepts or at least tolerates (DADT too) you dressing please post and let us know what is and isn't acceptable.
Thanks!

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My wife accepts but it is a process that's "in the works". It started with me wearing a "moo-moo" around the house, progressed to a bra and panties, then blouses and skirts, then breast forms. A wig is expected today and padded panties tomorrow. There have been "intimate moments" with the bra and breast forms on.

So as of now, what isn't acceptable is pretty much the same as your situation. Keeping the crossdressing (I identify as a crossdresser, not a transexual) private and not being seen dressed by anyone.

Once the wig and pads arrive, there may be a trip out with her on or around Halloween, this is still in flux and would be to a nearby city, not around our neighborhood.

At this point, I don't want the drama of being out to friends or neighbors so as things progress (I hope), I'll still keep this private and away from friends and neighbors. I just wish I had a better way to get from the house to the car.

Forgot to mention that she also doesnt want me going outside with her enfemme. Like going to supermarkets ect. But thats ok for me, i kind of imposed that boundry on myself allready. Knowing the mentality in my town...its a big no no, plus...im not that confident of myself yet to let anyone see me in the place i live. Having said that, we allready talked about going to a CD-party (if thats the right term, a party). Something like that she would not mind at all.

My wife marginally participates but accepts this is ME and is not going anywhere. I go out in public regularly to various clubs and have fun. As long as she knows I am safe and not messing around, everything this OK.

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Originally Posted by melissakozak

My wife marginally participates but accepts this is ME and is not going anywhere. I go out in public regularly to various clubs and have fun. As long as she knows I am safe and not messing around, everything this OK.

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I would not feel right going out to clubs, bars, etc. to have fun and leaving my wife at home. At least not unless she was out of town or something. I spent a lot of time working in bars when I was younger so I know pretty well what goes on or at least why many people go to bars.

I cant remember how exactly I told my GF but she supports it. She tells me I should not care what people think of me. Clothes don't make the person. She wants me to be a man but she also wants a GF alot of the time. So whenever I dress she loves it. She misses Kim when I don't dress.

We've never had any problems when it comes to my dressing. Apart from the fact I have more clothes than her. And that she's a little bit jealous of my legs. I'm definately the stereotypical 'girly' one in the relationship. She might not like that I can walk in heels better too lols.

I would say there isn't really anything that's unacceptable. She loves me dressing and encourages it. I do feel for all of you who don't have such supportive partners :(

It seems that a commonality throughout this thread is to know how and when to be the "man" for your mate. This in itself could lead to a whole new thread on how to get a balance so that both parties are happy. My wife has told me that once she saw that the clothes didn't really change who I was within my core, it was easier to accept that I was still me regardless of the clothes. I may dress feminine at times, but in reality I am still this guy that she loves. I still remember that her first concern was that I would be more feminine than her, which was why she had a hard time with my wearing a bra (the most feminine item) in the beginning. My wife was, is, and always will be my best friend, so it only makes sense that we would work, play, and shop together. Personally, I think that if CDing is handled properly, it can be very good for the relationship. Why, love makes itself open to the other, which promotes honesty in both parties. She can have a GF to go shopping with, whether you are dressed or not. I believe that most women want a deep relationship where they can share and do everything with their mate, but most men are not interested in going that deep. Cd'ers have a unique advantage over most men, we share many of the same interests that women do, we just have to use this to our advantage, and that fits in with figuring out the balance needed.

Only two rules that I know of, I can live with both- I can never come out to her father. (We don't see him often anyway.) And no thin heels on the hardwood.

My wife is very accepting. I dress 5/7 days per week. She first introduced me to a neighbor, which was a big step towards coming out and going out. But thus far she has been reluctant to go out with me in public. I think we'll get there, but I'm not pushing it right now.

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Originally Posted by WifeofWrenchette

I am fully 100% accepting. He has no rules and no boundaries. Rules seem to get overlooked and envelopes gets pushed so I have let go of all of that.

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Wrenchette is very lucky to have that type of freedom.:)

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Originally Posted by Snow White

My husband can become Tara anytime he wants. We both know that I didn't marry a woman, so I wouldn't want Tara to be Tara 24/7 (he doesn't want to be Tara 24/7 either). There is a good balance that we have agreed upon, as he likes his masculine side, too. We both wish we lived a city that was LGBT friendly so Tara & I could go out to dinner or shopping. Just yesterday I saw an ad for the new Revlon 'Shanghai' color collection. I cut out the ad and suggested to Tara that she should try that eye makeup 'look', it would look good on her.

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It sounds like Tara is a very lucky girl! Oh..and thanks for letting her go to SCC she thought she wasn't allowed to at first.:)

My wife started me dressing. Gee I love her so! Just this year did the makeup and wig thing. Stockings, garterbelts, thongs, shelf bras, minis, dresses the whole nine yards. So much fun and great sex also. She really loves my French Maids outfits! Meet her at the door dressed as a maid
and serve her a cold one.

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Originally Posted by Marleena

Wrenchette is very lucky to have that type of freedom.:)

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I feel very lucky to have Wrenchette :) Thank you, I didn't know if it was okay to post in this thread, but you made me feel very welcome. :)

My wife has no boundaries. We are always together when we do anything and she is completely accepting to my alter self. I don't dress trashy and I always strive to pass when I do dress.

Joanna

As Myrdin said; for me there are some boundaries, because I do like to have my man there sometimes but I'm very happy with the femme side to...
I love the complete person and I think if other SO's would see that CD is just a normal part of their partner and it changes nothing for the relationship except the closeness you get when embracing it,
they would not be so hesitant...
A lot of SO's just have a fear of what CD would change , while we know that it just brings us closer together...
I must add that honesty is a very big must because otherwise you create distrust and once that is there it's very hard to get the trust back...
I wish the world would be more open for all of us but sadly that's a dream ...

With love, myrdinsgirl (SO)

My SO hasn't really set much in the way of boundaries, but she has made it quite clear she doesn't want me going out dressed or coming out to others without discussing it thoroughly with her first. She also doesn't want me dressed when we're in bed together because the texture of a lot of women's clothes feels really uncomfortable against her skin for her

Jean has known about me since the day I asked her to marry me.:D
I dress all of the time around the house. I can and have been out dressed with and without her.
If I am in my drab clothes for a while, she will ask me if I am OK and if there is something wrong.:o
She has no problem with me being dressed because she definately knows that I am a man, her man.:thumbsup:
She does have one thing that she isn't fond of though. She doesn't like my nails to be painted.:sad:
That is the only thing. It isn't that tough not to have polish on, so I don't.:D
I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone.

Hi Marleena, My dressing is a DADT kind of thing I dress at home but my wife just don't want to see it
all my things are in the three different closets nothing is hidden.
Married almost 49yrs. don't see any thing changing anytime soon

My girlfriend is very accepting and as time has passed has grown to be more comfortable with my dressing as well as having a better understanding of why I dress. The first night we met I shared with her I am a cross-dresser, as well as showed her picture of myself when dressed.

At first there were limitations on how many times I could dress a month. She also asked me not to dress during certain times of the month. She also was a tad bit uncomfortable with us going out when I was dressed as a female. I feel it took her time and to have a better understanding of why a man dresses as a female.

As time passed she did become more understanding of my feminine self. We shop together and pick out outfits for one another. We also have nights where we give each other makeovers and dress up together. She has become comfortable with us going out together and having a girl’s night out. The community we live in is very accepting and tolerant so a man dressed as a woman is not an uncommon sight here. She does get a little bit upset and angered with how much I am hit on though.

I find it rather funny, she’ll say to me after a night out and being hit on with persistence by some, “it’s like you have to beat them off.”

I’ll reply, “I think that is what they want sweetie.”

She’ll then see what she says can be interpreted another way and laugh about it.

She is a very wonderful person.

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Originally Posted by myrdinsgirl

As Myrdin said; for me there are some boundaries, because I do like to have my man there sometimes but I'm very happy with the femme side to...
I love the complete person and I think if other SO's would see that CD is just a normal part of their partner and it changes nothing for the relationship except the closeness you get when embracing it,
they would not be so hesitant...
A lot of SO's just have a fear of what CD would change , while we know that it just brings us closer together...
I must add that honesty is a very big must because otherwise you create distrust and once that is there it's very hard to get the trust back...
I wish the world would be more open for all of us but sadly that's a dream ...

With love, myrdinsgirl (SO)

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Great first post in support of your SO! Welcome to the forum!:)

BTW I edited my post asking for SO's input too. This thread is very encouraging so far.

My wife is accepting and we don't really set boundaries. We do, however, talk things over quite often and if either of us thinks something is ill-advised then we don't do it. Our goals are pretty much the same, to allow me to explore this aspect of myself without causing any problems for ourselves. The only set rule we have (and both readily agreed to) is to maintain a "no fly zone" in our local community.

Gillian Gigs , very well said.

We did set some boundaries in the beginning, but worked through them and now don't have any and haven't for some years...but even after 25 years we still sit and talk. Talking shouldn't stop just because SOs are ok with what is happening.

My wife is supportive but to fully respond to this thread she would be person to ask and she refuses to join this site. She is the person responsible for me accepting who I am. Without her I would probably still be in denial. She set three basic rules that I work real hard at staying within. No dressing in front of the kids, no going out in public and no embarrassing her. I also try to not wear too much feminine clothing or makeup in her presence. It seems to drive her away emotionally. It does feel like like there are some unspoken boundaries but I can live with them. I am better with her than without her.

My GF positively encourages me to dress. Wig, Make Up, Jewellery, the whole works. She loves it. She told her best friend about it. I'm not aware that there are any boundaries.

I love her to bits and tell her many times daily.

Kathy x