Crossdressing Domino Effect

So today we had training at work and the hypothetical subject of accepting everyones sexual orientation. It was a LARGE group of people (maybe 80+) and they all were very understanding when it came to someones sexual orientation, however when one coworker spoke her opinion she mentioned LGBT groups as a way of positively dealing with the situation.

But what happened next was that she again, restated the "LGBT" group as a positive method but THIS time instead of saying "LGBT" she said "gay or bisexual groups".

This stirred something in me. I can honestly say the for a brief 2 seconds I felt offended bacause I felt like she generalised the LGBT groups as just being for Lesbian Gay of Bisexual. The inside of me wanted to yell out "YOU FORGOT THE T!"

This made me think....ever since I've joined this site and really halfway accepted that I was a Crossdresser I've been falling deeper and deeper into the "Pink Fog" What I mean is ,

First it was just a heel fetish, then it was just a "Halloween gimick", then full out girl mode sometimes.--Now? am I identifying myself as being Transgendered? I haven't before --but why the sudden feeling of rage I felt when someone accidently left of the "T" in "LGBT"

The fog feels like it's growing more and more dense sometimes and I don't know if I'll ever come out? Have any of you ever felt this way or have a similar "Domino Effect" with your crossdressing?

Yes, I am a prime example of the domino effect with my life. Sixteen months ago I started for the very first time with panties, two months later, thigh highs, two months after that, bra, skirts blouses, heels. one month after that wigs and makeup, three months after that, going out dressed, and identifying as transgendered. Today, those who are would not likely accept me as transsexual, but at the least gender fluid with a dislike of the male side with heavy herbals, and more. Tomorrow???

I too dislike that the T is marginalized by most of society, but no personal interactions yet, but i am still so young...lol..66 years.

Barbara

This is a very interesting question, Allison!

I will say that there have been parts of my life that have felt like "awakenings" in terms of my dressing, in which things have moved into a new phase. The first "awakening," of course, was when I slipped into my first item of women's clothing (a dress belonging to my mother). Another would have been the first thing I bought for myself (a peignoir set, from Sears). Then there was when I started moving from nightgowns into actual dresses, and realized there was something about it that felt "right." The most recent "awakening" was when I came out to my fiancee and felt more free to dress and be myself. This phase feels like it should be called "The Blossoming of Amy" or "Amy's Star Ascendant."

I don't know what the next "awakening" will be, if there is one. But as a result of this one, I am feeling more confident in myself, in both roles. I have a good handle on who, and what, I am. I am trying to use my powers for good, helping out others here, and it appears I'm having some success with it. I may get the opportunity to help people out in other ways. I will do my best to not let anybody down, if I do get such an opportunity.

I am a crossdresser. I am transgendered, at least in part. My soul is partly female. I am I. I am me. I am Amy. And I won't give up. :)

- Amy

I've followed a cross dressing arc. It started with minimal dressing, gradually escalated to full en femme presentation, peaked at speculation over transsexualism, descended as the speculation resulted in a rejection of the transsexualism hypothesis, and has settled at full en femme presentation with my identifying as gender fluid. :]

It doesn't matter how militant and upset you get, in big groups like this you do not need to out yourself destructively.
Tact is the better part of valor in this case.

I'm only doing my bit for the LGBT movement because I am a member of this select group.
But then, I joined because I wanted to learn more about them.
My cousin had come out L.
The son of my best friend told her he is G.
Both in the space of a few short weeks.
Both told me (I wonder why?).
Synchronicity?

the crossdressing arc is probably the thing that upset my wife the most. When we were first married, I occasionally indulged in thigh-hi's and garter belts. Over time, it's become full on dressing. The garter belts gave way to panty hose and now I'm all about wigs and make up and 'regular' women's clothes. So her argument has always been ,"where you goin' with this??"

Ah yes, the wading in is common.

By the way, Allison, one thing I didn't mention -- which is something which I believe must always be taken into consideration -- is that transgender feelings run a whole gamut of potential variations. I'm gender-fluid, others are bigender (expressing themselves alternately as male or female in accordance with the traditionally understood gender-binary), some are "gender dysphoric" and would prefer a life as the opposite sex entirely to a life as their currently assigned sex and gender, and then you have a near incalculable number of subsets which belong to each of those categories.

As for coming out, that has to be your decision, and it must be premised entirely upon what you are attempting to accomplish with your "transgender" behaviors, because, like it or not, presenting as a woman, to whatever degree, is a transgender behavior. Do others need to know that you are a firmly entrenched member of the transgender community or have decided upon that as an identity? A category for reference? Or can you accomplish all that you need to accomplish without sharing that with others?

That's your choice, and it requires a decent amount of deliberation, but I wish you all the luck in the world in dealing with it.


-Sarah-

I don't think it's a domino effect. For many of us it's just that it takes time and discovery to find who we really are and to realize that it's much more than a fetish for an item of clothing or an occasional dressing for Halloween.

I don't know that its a domino. The motivation is probably there all the time, just waiting to be discovered, like a fossil in sandstone. As you sweep away the surrounding material, it gradually comes into view. Similarly, it seems like a domino effect because when one incrementally allows oneself to express this attribute of his/her identity.

I think of it as a continuing journey of self discovery. As we walk the path, sometimes we grow.

[SIZE="3"]Can't imagine anyone starting in crossdressing with full makeup, hair, nails, heels, lingerie, jewelry, and dresses. It just doesn't happen that way. We all start with one item like panties and build from there. Our fears keep trying to make us stop at various places, but our sense of adventure and eroticism keeps us trying new things to look even better. And then you step out the door in broad daylight! Holy crap what a rush.[/SIZE]

Most people don't know what the T stands for anyway..... I'd give her credit for trying and not saying that everyone should go back and hide in their closets!

I suggest among the attendees at the seminar there was a lack of knowledge concerning various sexual minority groups. Sure, gays and lesbians have been the most vocal groups in demanding rights and asserting their rights. When I was an employee and forced to attend these seminars, they all focused on gays and lesbians. For the most part nobody really cared about what happens in the bedroom. Whenever there was a discussion concerning men wearing women's clothing, it was always conjectured the cross dresser had to be "gay." Sure, there are men who wear women's clothing who are gay, bi sexual and heterosexual. Does high school sex education cover cross dressing? I really don't know. I graduated in 1965 from high school, and, if you did wear a dress, well you were definitely termed a "faggot, queer." (The moderator does not have to jump on those terms being used in a historical context) From a recent post by a member two girls mouthed the "slur" of "tranny." I suggest very few people understand who a cross dresser may be.

As to your personal development. Yes, most cross dressers start out with one or two 'fetish' articles. It may be they are fighting against their true identity. Once you jump the first hurdle, there's always another. I personally to not view a man wearing just sheer hosiery or panties as a cross dresser. I view him as having a fetish. To me there is a very defined thought process involved in expressing the inner feminine side. If you do have a serious feminine side, you will progress to wearing clothing of a woman and the makeup and the wig.

The only counsel I will offer is to do it in moderation. In balance with other things in your life. Avoid compulsive behavior. Expand your interests. As Beverly said, do not out yourself needlessly in situations where the outcome is not going to be favorable to your employment or social standing.

Like most I started with a pair of tights and a pair of shoes but would never have imagined how I would get to my current level of dressing. I even get thoughts in my mind (if circumstances were different) of dressing full time and even having the operation.

My progression to where I am today has been a process covering over 50 years. When I was a teenager “borrowing” clothing and even as a young adult with my own clothes (purged with regularity as I swore of dressing sometimes for years at a time) there was definitely a sexual excitement as I put on the clothes. During these times there was no attempt to actually look like a woman – no jewelry, no wig, no hair removal. Sessions were short and ended with some sense of shame.

In my 40’s I started to put together a wardrobe for the first time and had choices, depending on my mood. I shaved my body hair and my presentation was pretty good, as long as I didn’t look in a mirror, because it was still about the clothes, and I still didn’t have a wig. By this time, there was very little sexual excitement - I just liked wearing the clothes.

It’s only been in the last few years that it became more about the appearance and not about specific articles of clothing. It is now about presenting as a woman. It’s about getting my hair (wig) to look just right and picking the right earrings and heels to go with my outfit. I consider myself transgendered because, while I don’t want to transition or live as a woman full-time, when I dress I do try to look as much as possible as a GG. And, at least for me, that speaks to my gender identity.

So, for me, it wasn’t so much a domino effect (unless we accept that it took almost 50 years for them to fall). But it certainly was a progression.

I think I have the perfect retort...

"Question in the back?"
"Yes, what's the T stand for in LGBT?"

Might work next time. What do you think?

I didn't think domino effect is exactly the right phrase, but everyone I have spoken to has undergone so sort of evolution in regards to their girl side. Some realize they're really a transsexual, others like myself realize they're bi-gender, some are gender-fluid, and some come to realize they're a guy who likes to wear a dress sometimes. You've got your whole life to figure our who you are

IMO it's all evolutionary, and some take longer for the DNA to kick in, and some at a certain stage the urge stops or slows down. My genetics has sent me all the way, but no HRT or any thought of surgery.

The GLB elements are easier for society to understand and the labels now have a clear meaning. It has taken some time for society to acknowledge such variances from the heterosexual 'norm' and even now acceptance remains patchy.

But transgendered is quite different. Asked why I crossdress I have difficulty communicating the reasons. I accept that, as a CDer who wants to present fully female as often as possible in my life's circumstances but not wanting to 'be' female (HRT etc), that I am transgendered. Accepting myself without scientific underpinning was a particularly important step for me but as to society understanding the term 'T' - that's quite a different matter. Heck, even my wife who loves me deeply has no understanding and has threatened suicide if I CD.

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Originally Posted by xdressed

I didn't think domino effect is exactly the right phrase, but everyone I have spoken to has undergone so sort of evolution in regards to their girl side. Some realize they're really a transsexual, others like myself realize they're bi-gender, some are gender-fluid, and some come to realize they're a guy who likes to wear a dress sometimes. You've got your whole life to figure our who you are

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I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I consider myself bi-gender . Getting to that point was a hard fight but since I have come to terms with a lot I have never been happier.

Allison, It seems to me that you over-reacted to your co-worker's comment (leaving out the "T" but mentioning the LGB). The subject was sexual orientation, which includes LGB. Transgendered is not a sexual orientation or preference. At least, on this forum it has been hammered home that gender identity or presentation is not the same as sexual preference.

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Originally Posted by Michelle (Oz)

The GLB elements are easier for society to understand and the labels now have a clear meaning. It has taken some time for society to acknowledge such variances from the heterosexual 'norm' and even now acceptance remains patchy.

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The GLB elements haven't always been so easy for society to understand. When I was growing up in the 70s there was a lot of misunderstanding about the gay side and what it meant, and I don't think I ever heard of Lesbian until the latter part of that decade - let alone knowing what it really meant. For many years after that, and still in many circles, there was an assumption that you were either gay/lesbian or hetero with nothing in-between, so bisexual went misunderstood. It's been a very gradual process, but good to see.

As others have pointed out, T is a totally different dimension and, of course, doesn't generally include all the variants that we're so aware of. We need a few more decades to educate society, but at least it's starting.

Miriam

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Originally Posted by AllisontheGoddess

The fog feels like it's growing more and more dense sometimes and I don't know if I'll ever come out? Have any of you ever felt this way or have a similar "Domino Effect" with your crossdressing?

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Allison,

I think that, actually, as you become more aware and accepting of who you are, the pink fog is clearing up. Now you can see yourself.

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

Allison, It seems to me that you over-reacted to your co-worker's comment (leaving out the "T" but mentioning the LGB). The subject was sexual orientation, which includes LGB. Transgendered is not a sexual orientation or preference. At least, on this forum it has been hammered home that gender identity or presentation is not the same as sexual preference.

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I agree with NicoleScott. The question was one of sexual orientation. If that is the case I do not fit in. I am a heterosexual.I am not gay and have no interest in dating other men. Yes I am a cross dresser, and I guess that is the rub. I do not think transgender / transsexuals /cross dressers people should be included in the LGBT group because according to statistics anyway for the most part, 90% or better we are not gay or lesbian or bi sexual. Although I do tell people that I'm a woman trapped in a males body. Does that make me a lesbian?

While I understand the domino effect not all of us go on the continuum. When I grew up I thought I must be gay because I was told that guys who dressed in women's clothes were gay and wanted to be women.

As I progressed in CDing I realized that I was not gay and did not want to be a woman. While I enjoyed the femininity and enjoyed passing I also enjoyed my male role with women. I found that I didn't want to be with a guy even when offered the role of a full time house wife. Yes it was fun to go out as a guy's date and be treated as a girl, but there just was no sexual connection.

Sex and sexual orientation are just to complex to be defined in labels.

I've been reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexuality" on my Kindle and it felt like someone had been snooping into my personal life in extreme detail, even things going on in my head. There were hundreds of correlations between this book and my book "Debbie's Secret Life" - including the extreme measures used to maintain a masculine "facade".

Even today, if I won the lottery or someone could do a magic spell in which I become a full fledged attractive young woman, I'd go for it in a heartbeat. It's something I've wished for since I was 5 years old.

The thing is, in my second grade class, there were at least 3 other sissies who were very much like me. Of my 25 cousins, I know that at least two others were transgendered.

Transgendered has deliberately been used and is used legally to describe the broadest possible spectrum of behavior that crosses traditional gender boundaries. This includes everything from post-op transsexuals to gender-queers or men who seem effeminate or women who seem masculine.

One aspect of the transsexual and transgender phenomenon is the concept of "Deep Stealth". Just recently, there was a movie about people who were Soviet Union Spies who were under "Deep Cover". They had grown up for years, since childhood, knowing that their sole purpose for existence was to do the bidding of their Soviet handlers when the time came, but in every other way they had to live, act, and appear to be naturalized Americans.

The transsexual and transgender often has this experience. They know as young as 4-5 years old that they want to be the other gender (MtF or FtM). They wish for it, they pray for it, they hope that they will somehow avoid puberty and/or puberty will turn them into the desired gender. Even when they understand the realities of puberty, they STILL want to be the other sex. At the same time, by 5-6 years old, they have learned that they must keep their desire a secret, that they can't tell ANYONE. They are afraid the bullies at school will beat them up, that their parents will beat them, or worse, kick them out of the house. They literally fear for their lives, knowing what they are and actually believing that someone would literally KILL them if they didn't keep their transgender desires a secret.

So if 1 in 10 boys were sissies at 5, why are there only 1 in 30,000 who get gender reassignment? How many "Sissies" are in "deep stealth mode". Post-op transsexuals often ALSO go into deep stealth mode after SRS. If 1 in 10 people were transgendered as children, how many would that be - about 20 million?

We know that Transgenders have very high suicide rates - let's assume that half kill themselves - that would leave about 10 million. Of those, 90% go into "Deep Stealth" mode, leaving about 1 million as "Out" transgenders. But of those who are "out" many would be out as Cross-Dressers, Transvestites, Fetish dressers, or "Drag Queens".

Now, out of the 1 million left, let's assume that 90% of those are resigned to the fact that their bodies could not be transformed, even with HRT, FFS, and SRS. They would need major reconstructive surgery just to look passable as "old ladies".

This leaves about 300,000 out of 300 million men and women in the USA who could be officially classified as transsexuals.

The question is; "If Transgenders and Transsexuals were fully accepted and integrated into our culture, how many would there be?".
If one considers that there may be 30 MILLION Men and Women who are transgendered in some form, knew that they could be accepted - this would be the real number.

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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

It doesn't matter how militant and upset you get, in big groups like this you do not need to out yourself destructively.
Tact is the better part of valor in this case.

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^this. Like going out in public 'just because we have to get people more used to how many crossdressers there really are', we shouldn't have to take on more problems than we are ready to deal with just because someone else thinks its a good idea. Me? I 'got' the domino effect way back when I was what, 13? First time I saw another student being treated like the outcast in a class like I had been. Made me realize that no one should have to go through this just because they have something different about them.

I don't know if it's a domino effect or more of a snowball effect. Several here say it started out small and then worked up to full dressing. I guess I'm the exception to that rule, I envisioned myself fully dressed then I purchased the things I needed in one big pink fog of a day and put them on and found myself relieved of all my stress in that moment. Now I've spent the last 8 months improving my style and hopefully getting better at it everyday. I feel better now than I've ever felt...Jaymee

I agree the number of people that would be considered 'transgendered' would be phenomenal if truly known. However, that assumes the definition stands in light of the current 'bipolar' definition of gender. If we were to assume people could express gender as they felt it to be true, for them as individuals... I think the whole concept of transgender would disappear. Do we not define 'gay' as sexual preference and 'transgender' as mental/physical expression of feeling?

Perhaps this is why the LGB in LGBT disowns the transgender experience...