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Hi Ladies...
Just looking to get your advice on shopping in male mode for femme things. I have done it only on a couple of occasions..very nervous, but it went fine. Would be great to hear your stories and recommendations!
Thanks so much,
Leah :doll:
I have never really had a problem shopping. Now, with my SO in tow, it seems almost too easy lol When I did shop alone though I just went about my business and looked at what it is I wanted to look at. If you look around a lot, look to see who's looking, keep walking back and forth hoping for a closer look at something on like a fly by, then your going to get the attention you don't want. Just go in, look at whatever it is that you want, either buy it or don't. Own the moment. They have no idea who your buying for and quite frankly it's none of their business either.
Just have the confidence to do it.
No one cares and those who do usually won't say anything. If they open their ignorant mouth, ignore them.
Be fabulous!
Tab
Way, way back I told the clerk, if I said anything at all, that the lingerie and other femmy attire, was for my mother. Later I said that it was for my wife. No I buy exclusively enfemme when I shop at stores, but most of my buying is done online. About 11 years ago I was shopping for female shoes, in person, and in drab, and I was after size 11, or 12. A 5o'ish black lady, not a SA, was very helpful and non-judgemental, which made me very happy. I don't remember the store or store chain. IMO the internet is a wonder and has helped me so much in my journey.
I suppose it is easy to say just wander around as if you own the department and look at what pleases you.
Do not skulk around but do walk around with confidence and be mindful when in the lingerie section that women consider this a personal area.
Can't offer any past experience other then recently buying a set of women's pajamas and perfume. The perfume was easy but the pajamas was a slight challenge. An older store clerk came up and asked me if I needed help and since it was a week before Christmas, I said I needed help with women's sizes because my GF wanted me to surprise her for Christmas and pick something I liked. She didn't bat an eye lash and even if she did it wasn't noticeable. All good and size was perfect.
Going to go shopping in public soon but I have a plan. My TS friend will be going with me so she will be picking out the clothing and run reckon at the dressing room so we can get the clothing in an out in stealth mode. LOL
Well it might just be my disorder, but I honestly don't care what others may think! I've even been known to try on bras right there in front of everyone! And I once asked a woman where she got a pair of panties that she was buying as I thought that they would look cute on me! And even told her so when she inquired as to why I asked! But regardless, there is a lesson to take from my behavior. Stop being so self conscious about what it is that you like to wear! Bravely and proudly take your garments, panties, and what have you up to the register and make your purchase!
Ask the SA for assistance and tell her that you are shopping for yourself and don't be nervous. I am usually in my normal femme male mode wearing capri pants, a woman's purse, women's high-heels sandals, and red toenails. It is not a problem shopping for items and getting help from sales assistants because they can see that I'm a feminine male. The sales assistants always call me "sweetie" or "honey" and I enjoy my conversations and interactions with them.
One good way is to continue to take all those little first steps until they get bigger. Why not try walking through and do some window shopping in different women's clothing stores and women's departments in larger stores every chance you get? You do not have to buy anything, just look around and see what items you like and when approached by a sales agent just tell them that you are looking for a gift for whoever and that you are just trying to get an idea what you like that she might like. She may offer to help you and you can say sure, but that you are at the moment just looking. That way you get experience looking, touching, seeing what you like and how to interact with with sales agents. You will eventually find that it really is no big deal, that men buy stuff for female family members, loved ones and friends all the time and no one is going to give you a hard time about all that. You are basically learning how to shop for yourself comfortably. The more you do that the easier it gets and one day you will start buying whatever you want for yourself and may even be able to say that it is for you. A great time to practice is around special shopping days like Christmas, Valentines day and for any special occasion that you can say, it is for XX and her birthday, anniversary, graduation from college or whatever. It really does get easier as you build up your experience, familiarity and confidence. Good luck and happy shopping.
For years I did all the shopping for the two women I have been married to over the years, and for my two daughters. It is nothing. You do not have to justify why you are buying something or who it is for. If you go to McDonalds do you tell them the big mac is for your wife?
Just go to the store, look for what you want and buy it. No one really cares.
I personally do not think that lying is ever a good idea. You should just tell the sales assistant that the feminine clothing/item is for you. If possible, when shopping wear some feminine items so that the sales assistant will know that you are a feminine male. You will feel a lot better in this interaction because if you lie, you certainly feel ashamed after the interaction with the SA. It is simply bring more shame to your crossdressing whereas you should be experiencing pride, not shame. It is liberating to tell the truth and just let the sales assistant know that the item is for you. Never lie. Be proud of your feminine self and you will receive respect and grow in acceptance of yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
Hi Leah, Just tell yourself that we are going shopping and don't take NO for an answer.
No one really gives a rat's a$$ what you are buying as the are so wrapped up in their own little world.
Thanks Jamie and everyone for your feedback...I have once tried telling the sales attendant that the corset I was looking at was for me. She was very open and even asked if I wished to try it on...I was so happy and proud. Once home, I emailed the shop to thank them for their liberal views and especially to thank the SA...it was a great day and encourages me to always let the person know. The honest piece has worked for me!
Leah :doll:
Jamie, I think that many if not most of the Sales Agents have seen it all, and can read through our made up deceptions. However, I do not believe that people always feel ashamed because they told that white lie to a sales agent or to anyone where knowing or not knowing the truth was not important to the activity at hand. The SA does not need the truth if one does not want to provide the truth because of fear, lack of confidence or for whatever reason. I personally sometimes tell them something is for me, other times I do not, while most of the time they never ask. Leah asked for advice because she is trying to get more comfortable shopping for herself. I gave her good sound advice. If she is comfortable enough to shop for herself whenever she wants, then I would say, why not just tell the SA that it is for you. However, my advice is to help her get more comfortable doing something that in reality she should not feel ashamed at doing. I believe it is one step at a time and when the time is right tell everyone that needs to know or anyone else that one wants to tell. Otherwise, when there is no need to know, why tell them the truth if one does not feel bad about it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie001
Jamie and Allie...I really do appreciate your comments...
Shopping in male mode for femme items is such an exhilerating thing for me...such a rush when I told the SA that the clothes were for me. Really do think I will tell again if the timing is right. Everything to gain, nothing to lose. Especially when you get the right sizing, giggles.
Self-expression is a grand thing...
Leah :doll:
For me Leah, back in the early days I'd just throw a few 'excuses' in my brain and head on out. Ya know, like, "My wife is laid up in bed and she sent me out to buy some things for her... or... I'm playing a part in a play and need to buy these clothes for some of the actors..... or whatever your other brain needs to get up the courage to head on out.
I too started on line with a lot of purchases. After the money started to run dry, I decided to only buy clothes en fem. I now spend a whole lot of time shopping and very little time buying... It's much more fun for me to do it that way, plus, when I do discover a 'find' it's all that more special...
Renne......
Thanks so much for the ideas Renne...really helps to have a few tricks up your sleeve!
Leah :doll:
In most department stores you could fire a couple of shots into the cieling without attracting attention. You probably won't see a SA even in or near the dressing room. There is however always a SA in the lingerie dept. Ask before using the dressing room there.- Celeste
Great point Celeste...nice to see another Ontario girl here!
Leah :doll:
Nice to see a poster checkin up on their original post.... It takes a lot of baby steps to get rid of the butterflies. Once they're gone though, you'll kindof miss them.... then all you have to 'pass' is the front door....
Renne.....
Renne...think u hit a good point there. I kinda like the butterflies I do believe and enjoy a reaction, if there is one.
Interesting...
Leah :doll:
I don't look like a woman, but try on clothes all the time. I am friendly and talk to the SAs and they let me do it. Been turned down a few times, but then ...
A lot worse things go on in the changing rooms from what my granddaughter says about the store where she works. They get some real weard dudes and even a few women. Not to mention the little boys who try and peak.
Twice this week, yesterday I found myself in the change room trying on a lovely dress (bought it) while in work clothes. Today did same.
Either act confident, or crazy - both work for me
All I can say is just be yourself and don't do anything creepy. Act like you belong and things will go well. Since I have not had the courage to go out dressed, I always shop for my girl stuff in drab. As others have said, act friendly and be approachable. The most I've gotten is a friendly somewhat awkward smile form the cashier at Marshall's upon picking up a cute dress and some pantys. Only way to get over the jitters is to just go and do it.
I was very nervous for the first few times I did it. But after several shopping sprees, it gets easier and easier. For me it was done in little steps and setting a pre-conceived individual challenge before each outing. I finally got the courage to try on a few skirts and blouses in the ladies change room, firstly asking the SA if it would be alright. She was helpful and did not think a thing of it (to my face, anyways). Probably had a laugh later though....:).
Who cares, anyways. It just let me know I made someone smile for the day!
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Have fun with it.
Di
First off..........you can always say your shopping for your girlfriend/wife......which is a normal activity (in the eyes of the world) That aside, I have very seldome gotten a second glance or condemed feeling form a SA. Most people shopping are busy looking for their needs and don't really pay attention to you. Go shop for mens underware and you will see what I mean.........then go shop for womens and its pretty much the same. As for trying things on, I do try to be discrete, not using the changing rooms if the store is busy, but if quiet, I have taken ladies things into the mens dressing room, and have used the ladies dressing rooms. I've had SA's help me with things and have asked if I could try things on with no problems. so the big thing is just he courage to go for it.
I too gave the usual stories about shopping for every female in the family and every possible gift giving occasion. Only once as a teen did I have a clerk ask me point blank "What do you do with these after you're done?" thinking I was buying the babydolls to use for sexual gratification.
I soon learned that being up front and honest usually garnered their acceptance and/or admiration for being brave enough to be honest. Several specialty stores I have shopped at over the years were very helpful and some even suggesting I try things on and NOT asking me to come back later when the clientele in the store were fewer in number.
What can they do to you that will shorten your life? Nothing! Just go in and go right to what you want. Be honest and don't BS and you will feel incredibly better and more confident. They are offering merchandise for sale and you are looking to trade them your hard earned money.
Like anything, the more you do it the easier it becomes. The very first items I ever bought were a bra and girdle. I was shaking so much I thought the store was going to collapse on me. Now its nothing to go into a store and buy something (I always shop in drab) and if its panties or a bra I want I'll look and search until I find what I'm looking for.
Girls..I soooo appreciate your comments...I feel my confidence growing with each one.
Leah :doll:
Hi Leah,
Yep, pretty much like everyone else has said here. Just go do it! Really not many people, if any, will notice or care what you're doing. And you don't have to explain to anyone why or who you're buying things for if you don't want to.
It does take some getting used, I'll admit. Really though, anymore I just browse as long as I like and buy what I want. No creeping at the edge of the womens department, no nervousness, just go right in and get what you want! :)
Good Luck!
short story..i've walked in to a layne bryant with my SO and we were looking at panties and then the SO went to look at something else. well i started to pick out what i wanted with other women around. i did it with a smile and the ladies at the register knew that they were form me as my SO is not near the same size. so i guess my advice to you is enjoy and smile :)
Autumn & Amy...I like your style! I admit that I do enjoy playing the game with the SA a little...just gotta make sure my nerves don't get the best of me.
Leah :doll:
I don't have any problem going shopping for female clothes in male mode. I go into the stores and the sometimes I tell the SA I just shopping for a gift for my daughter (sometimes I whisper to them depending if there somebody around) but if they the only one there, I tell them it for me and they be gladly to help. But I go when the store first open in the morning so that I can enjoy shopping without no one around.
I have a couple stores i shop in, first time i walked into dress barn and looked around and got help,, around the 3rd time they got used to me being there and when the sales associate asked me for help i said i was looking for a thin dress with pattern thats on the web site,, she showed me and i asked for a 16,, it looked small so i held up the 18 next to it,, she said would you like to try it on,,, they was on to me,,,, i tried it on and it fit great,,,, i bought it,, she said wear it well,, a couple times later she asked me to start a fitting room while i was holding clothes right in front of other customers,, some customers eyes widened,, she put me right in the busy middle rooms even though they have rooms in the back of the store, i asked her why and what if others had a problem,, she said you have a right and its their problem and if they dont like then they can shop elsewhere,,, its nice to go and be known, shop and try on where you dont have to ask,, by the way, i shop in guy mode.... she did say once please come in on this date to shop because we are having a special night with a makeup sales girl and also another cd is coming,, i went in drag and walked the store wearing new stuff,,, was awsome....
Just do it, as already said nobody cares and the ones that do care can go jump in the lake. I shop mostly enfemme and I can tell you that I don't pass so it's even worse than doing it in male mode and I really don't care what anyone thinks since I am not hurting anyone. In reality I am helping the economy and athe business that I choose to shop at.
When I first started shopping for myself, I was scared and intimidated. Normal for most of us when shopping for the first time. What worked for me back then, was to tell the person working there that I was going to a backwards party that weekend and that girls were dressing as guys and vice versa. I proceeded to tell them I had no clue as to what sizes I needed, what would look good on me, ect. Every time I used that line, they would instantly get into helping me put together an outfit. That thought the backwards party sounded totally fun and were more than happy to help me find clothes that fit and looked good. I used that tactic for a long time and it just made the whole shopping experience FUN! (as it SHOULD be!) It took all the fear away from shopping. Fear that was only brought on by myself. Truth is, no one cares if you are a guy shopping for women's clothes.
I finally came to the realization that I was allowing people I've never met, and will never know, to control and dictate who I am, what I want to wear, where I can shop, and for what? Because I was allowing these complete strangers to have that control over me, because of self imposed fear. No more! This life is way to short to allow complete strangers the ability to prevent me from living and doing things I want to do. All because of self created fear.
Sorry, got carried away for a second. I also find that stores like kohls, for example, don't have any dressing room attendants. That when you can just load up your cart with clothes, (its best to grab 2 different sizes of the same clothing item to save getting redressed to go get the right size). after my cart is filled, I just wheel it into the handicap dressing room, plenty of room for you and your cart of pretty things. Easy, discreet and fun!
As with anything, it takes time to get good at something. and that goes for shopping as well. My days of shopping fears and going out fears are long behind me. Eventually evolve. Hugs!
I always go clean, fresh and dressed in business shirt, pants and good leather shoes, looking clean and professional makes a big difference on how they view you, the contrast kind of works as well, professional guy whom wears a dress etc, they think, well, didn't see that coming, lol.
Its so important to make sure they fit, easy to waste lots of money, if the S/O doesn't ask you to try on, you should ask, after all, all they can say is no, nothing to loose, in fact, if they refuse, I take my business elsewear, there loss.
I have found a real exceptence in most shops, the S/A's seem to seize the oppurtunity to help you out, maybe it makes there day a bit more interesting and leave's them with an interesting story to tell at the end of the day.
I have had plenty of helpful S/A's, but I do steer clear if they are under 23 or so.
Normally the full time ladies are also best, so also steer clear of the part timers, if your the first guy they have helped, they will be a bit freaked out which then makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, shopping is so much fun but only fun as long as the S/A is comfortable and happy to help as well.
I am always really thankfull and appreciative, I think we are so much more gratefull than the other female customers and it really makes their day.
Girls...these ideas and perspectives are very reassuring to me...thanks so much.
I really do think I will simply tell that the items are for me and make sure I walk out with things that fit and compliment me.
But Debbi, gotta say, luv the backwards party idea!
Leah :doll:
I just got back from Ross a couple of hours ago and bought like three dresses a skirt and blouse. The store was filled with women, but I just told myself that I'm a TGirl and I don't need to explain anything to anyone. Usually I'll say something at check out about making my girlfriend happy, but not today. I just picked the stuff out, put it in my cart, stood in line and payed for it. I think a couple ladies looked at me, but I just shrugged it off. This stuff does get easier if we don't psyche ourselves out beforehand.
If you feel awkward at checkout, just casually ask for a gift receipt as well. This sends the message that the clothes are presents without saying that they are for you. Today, I was just excited about the things I found, so I didn't care. :)
Cheers,
Kalista
Just go in and buy what you want
I got to go shopping today!!!! It was so fun!!! I bought a nest bra and panties, a skirt, 3 tops and a pair of boots. I did it in the usual fashion. . Male mode (underdresses). I did get a get weird looks when I trued on the boots. But know one asked who they where for or anything other then did I find everything ok. I guess I just pushed everyone out of my mind and lived in the moment.
Just go in and shop for whatever it is you want, even if it's lingerie. Be honest; tell them it's for you and you will get really good service. There are a lot more guys buying womens clothes than you think. Ask one of the SA and they will tell you.
I've never shopped enfemme. Always in drab but often underdressed. I've never had any kind of an issue. Once or twice the SA's have been less than friendly or have not made eye contact as I was paying but on the other side of the coin, I have had plenty who were quite helpful and engaging. While I have never come out and admitted that the items were for me, I've dropped plenty of hints - such as asking if the slips tended to run large or that "I" was looking for a certain style or color or saying "I think this size will fit" In several situations, I do think that had I carried the conversation a little longer, they might have asked if things were for me or I would have asked to try them on but it was only my reluctance that stopped it short. Nevertheless, in those situations, I think they would have been just fine with me trying on things in drab.
So, I guess that I've been long winded, but in short, just go and buy. It will be OK. But, as a forewarning, many places will want you to join thier rewards clubs and they will want name, address, e-mail and phone number. I have given a few an e-mal addres and they send me more information than I need.
I just go in and shop for what ever i want, it dont take long for the SA to figure out how you are shoping for. Last week i went to Dillards and was shoping for a bra before i know it the SA had me in a dressing room and had brought me 6 bras, 2 dresses and 2 girdles and try to sell me shoes.