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I have noticed that many people here embrace a separate female persona, that is different and separate from their male persona.
I have never considered myself that way, I still feel ( and sadly look ) like my male persona when I have an opportunity to dress. I don't transform into a female alter ego.
Am I missing something? Do others here find it more satisfying to create another identity? Do you feel as though you are "play acting" the part or is there something deeper and more meaningful?
dela;
I asked my wife about this not so long ago. Why? Because, like you I don't really feel any different regardless of the clothing I am wearing.
Her response to me was that while I am stilll the same person, I am much "softer" while en femme.
So, I suggest that you ask this of someone who knows both of you.
I, like you don't feel the separate persona, per se'. I do feel my personality is "softer" but not to the point I have to box person a and person b in separate boxes and never the twain shall meet.
I am the same - the other name is as much about identity protection as anything else
I think different people have different reasons why they dress and that leads to a different persona. When I dress I am still me, the same person I always am, just in different attire. I dont feel any different and when I look in the mirror I still see me. I dont dress to escape who I am but to express who I am.
More along with Erica Marie on this. All part of the same geeky package. (Really did have a plastic pocket protector once.)
Dela - you are fine with only a single persona. You aren't missing anything. Many of us on this site feel the exact same as you, possibly most.
I actually don't, and giving Paula a name and email address and letting her talk to people was a profound and life changing experience. It has also been very confusing and somewhat scary. I'm sure I'll eventually adjust to this, but in the meantime, I really wish I felt as you do.
For a lot of us, I think the discovery of an inner female persona leads to a magical journey of self-discovery. Mine's been like that too - but with screams and tears. (They are magical screams and tears though...)
Not everyone can embrace the deep feelings associated with this process totally. It's sometimes much easier to develop another persona or something akin to a feminine "suit" they put on to experience the feelings. Addressing these feelings requires courage and dedication. If we do we realize it's all as simple as it is difficult. We are all (humans) both male and female. It really becomes a matter of choice to embrace one or the other or both at any given time.:)
David is the male side...and Diana is the female side. They are different from one another. As has been said "a softer side." I've taken blood pressure med's for years and check it daily. But when I'm Diana for an extended period of time (1 full day or more) my blood pressure is normal. Once I dressed straight for a whole week and no issues with blood pressure. Just as we don't know why we dress...may'be there is something inside us that tells us it's alright to express our female side
Like you, Dela, I've noticed the posts about a separate persona, and I've wondered how it could be without some serious schizophrenia involved. As I tell my wife and the close friends that know, I'm the same man no matter what appearance I take on. I may adapt mannerisms so I can pass more easily in public (and walk in heels), but it's still me all the way - a guy with a strong feminine side.
Miriam
Hi,dela.For me it's much deeper and more meaningful.I have only one personality,it just happens to be a very feminine one.The only time I feel like I'm play acting is when I have to hide my femininity.I adjust and function OK in male mode,though it usually takes a day or two to get used to it,but inside I still think pink.Barbara
I don't know about my blood pressure, but CDing is definitely a big stress reliever for me. One of the problems I'm having now is not having the opportunity to dress and it is making me more agitated.
i wish i was dressing up to relieve stress
im just me Dela. me as guy and sometimes, me in a dress.
It's more nuanced than that. I've noticed that each side of my personality has somewhat different characteristics. They share memories and experiences - they are both still "me". But the masculine part of me is really logical, and has a somewhat impious sense of humor. Humor is also almost the only emotion he'll express. He is a "tell me the worst case scenario" type. The feminine side of me is a LOT more emotional, and is really, really concerned about your feelings. She's optimistic.Quote:
Originally Posted by Miriam-J
FWIW, and believe it or not, over the years, I've taken the Myers-Briggs MBTI a number of times, and while most of the time it comes out the same, sometimes I alternate between "T" - for "Thinking" and "F" for "Feeling". This always seemed weird to me, as I'm all about the thinking. But it makes more sense now.
I could be completely wrong, but the difference feels like more than a mood, but a LOT less than an alternate personality. (I hope I never know what that is like.)
I'll be honest - it's pretty weird. I'm not quite used to this yet.
This.Quote:
Originally Posted by Erica Marie
I am Danielle Rose, the woman. But I live inside a man's body, and I have to play this role that I grew up in and developed all my life.
I dress to be myself. Not doing so results in gender dysphoria.
Dela, why would a grown man go against societal norms and customs; face alienation from friends, family, employers, church; potentially tear families apart; etc, just to wear women's clothing? This isn't pre-school dress up. This isn't Halloween costume party stuff. This isn't dressing up on a dare. There is some compelling reason to go on this adventure.
Some do adopt a different persona, and call it living a lie, fantasy, dressup, impersonation, make believe or whatever you like they are comfortable presenting that way.
When I was younger with more of an identity crisis I consciously did the same thing.
As I grew older that was not one of my priorities any more.
Just a couple of points from me. We all adopt different personae - almost every day. We do it to fit either the company we are in the people we are working with, the environment - and our feelings. I wonder how many of us have a different "telephone voice"? Schizophrenia is a clearly defined and identifiable clinical entity - and cross dressing is not part of it.
Like your point about the Myers Briggs, Paula. If you are getting similar results regularly, it's probably spot on.
When we dress, I believe that along with the clothes, the hair and the makeup, there comes an unconscious change in emotion, mannerism, body language and way of interacting. That is what I (IMHO) would describe as an alternate persona. I'm not suggesting that we all suffer from multiple personality disorder!!
More than anything else, it feels good, it feels right. If only we would shed the guilt.
I have my male persona, and I have my female persona, the latter of which is named "Amy." But they are two sides of the same coin; no matter which one predominates and is outwardly expressed, the other one is still present. Occasionally I "hear" the chatter between them, such as one afternoon when I was in my car and indulging Amy by playing her music on the stereo. Then, when I had to park and get out to run an errand, I heard my Amy-voice telling my male self, "You need to take over here," and my male voice responding, "It's all right, Amy, I got this." :)
But I'm learning that both of my personas are valid, and both need to be expressed, or else I start feeling out of balance and unhappy.
- Amy
Just like DaniG below, I really do believe I am a woman in a man's body. So when I dress, I am becoming my true self and it is a relief to be myself at last. If there is a constructed persona, it is the male persona I adopt every day.
But it is not exclusively about dressing. Simply being in the company of women friends - maybe just chatting about 'girly' things over a coffee - makes me a happier, more content person, as does looking at the fashions in the shops, browsing women's magazines, etc etc. These experiences help me be myself, too.
I don't think I'm different emotionally when I'm dressed, compared with my male persona. But I'm quite a sensitive, emotional kind of person anyway. Like Barbara Maria (below), if there is any play-acting involved, it is hiding my feminine side in certain situations when dressed as a man.
I did use to try and rationalize what was going on in my life using the 'two persona' theory but it never really worked for me at all. In fact it was one of the many mistakes that I've made in coming to terms with who and what I am.
I don't and never have felt myself to be a different person whether presenting as Natasha or as Boy. I am and always have been either just me being me or else me playing (sometimes rather badly) at being a boy.
Natasha
I refer to Ria as a persona sometimes to other people because it's easier for them to understand it that way, but for me crossdressing is just one way of expressing a side of myself I don't quite have the opportunity to in male mode.
With me and a few girls I've talked with, there's a transition that slowly occurs while the makeup is going on and culminates with the wig. The crowning glory of the woman. I'm pretty much completely dressed and made up by the time I don my hair. It's so much fun to see Lynn looking back at me in the mirror.
I wouldn't see it as an alternate persona for myself.
I do become more empowered feeling because its as if I'm embracing one hundred percent of myself. I don't really leave my male side behind.
I actually had this discussion with my wife last night. I dont change at all while dressed. Still keep getting told to keep my legs together while in a dress. At least thats what i thought! Evidently my personality doesnt change at all, but evidently all my mannerisms change. Walk like a woman, even hand gestures. And even my facial mannerisms change to female! Who knew? haha I'm going to keep an eye out for this over the weekend to see for sure.
Like alot of others here, I really only use the name Jessica to make it easier for others. Its easier for people to ask wheres Jessica than it is to say why arn't you crossdressed. I still find it funny refering to dressing by a name, kinda seems silly to me but It does make things simpler.
Hi,
Allernate persona, i have no idear what that means never been able to do that, I have seen some people act it & some dresser's try, or do , for myself there is no act nore can be when i was born my life as to who i was started then it took 10 years to wake up because of things that took place in my background ,
What i am now is no different than has been all my life, what i could not do was express myself as i should have been able to so thats where my change comes in some 20 years ago. not as i changed just my doors were opened as it were, so i could grow , grow as a person & as a woman,
You see many here are male & think as one something i was not or able to do because of my difference yet thats been okay as it was to serve me well , so if you like my persona is female not changable nor will ,
I can look & see many from here how you dress & look afterwards, i dont compare myself to any here, as iv said id be embarrised, because you can do something im just not in the running, plain & simple from what i see you do very well & surpass myself,
Im just one of those women who is very comforable in myself full confidence in who i am & pretty happy over all. just when it comes to the looks dept. well yes....i missed out there, though i do make up for it in other ways, as you know from my posts, so its okay,
...noeleena...
For me, Kalista is just a name to match my look and such. I don't think my personality varies, as I am not thinking any differently. My mannerisms are more girly to naturally compliment my look. Beyond that, everything is the same, as far as my personality goes. I guess someone who knows both presentations would have to point out any differences to me.
Kalista
When I am presenting as Ellen Jo I am still me however, as such I am more able to allow my softer side to come out. I can shed the daily grind of being the "man" of the house and for a while I can allow Ellen Jo to go about her activities without all the stress that my male side worries about. I am the same person but I am able to slide into another position on the scale. My wife says that I am more attentive and a better listener when dressed and she enjoys my company both ways.
I love all of the thoughtful replies to this thread. To generalize, it seems that there is a range of feelings from, no you have no alternate persona, to its a role playing type aspect to your personality, to its completely hard wired, its who you are.
One thing I am more conscious of after reading some responses here, are the different "roles" I play every day as I navigate through various relationships and interactions, but I never "switch" into a female version of myself, as some do. I'm actually very fascinated by this concept, and perhaps I will try to imagine myself as a woman?
My CD BF and I are new to this so it might be helpful to you to know what I see through the GG perspective. He is himself, regardless of what we are trying and what he has put on. I went out and bought him his first dress a couple days ago. He put it on for me and I could see him turn into a softer more meek and shy kind of person. The dress was A-line and had a twirly skirt and he was trying to make it spin. It was still my BF, but a really feminine, exited, softer version.
Who knows if in a couple years he will see himself differently. But at least for now he is still him to me.
I become somebody else. I take the good parts of me along for the ride. I mix them with the good parts of Maria and that makes me a happy woman. The only good thing I leave behind is my wife and that is the main thing that stops me dressing more than I do.
Maria
With me, there are 2 different personas between male and female modes. Even my therapist notices the difference when Johnna shows up as to when John comes in. I am much less tense or stressed as Johnna and bit more outgoing than John is according to her. They are very much 2 different people within me and that has its plus' and minus'. But I work on keeping it balanced as best I can.
My alternate persona was something that has evolved gradually. At first, it was just a name to attach to me when I was dressed as a woman. And then not too long ago things started going further, and I changed my name along with the change in direction.
I'm now in the process of HRT to some extent, only anti-androgens at this time, and I'm seeing a therapist. My family knows and my closet and bedroom are much more Robin's than Robert's, so for me it's an evalution, though I didn't really intend it that way when I started out.
For me, my Diane side is softer, the feminine side of me. My speech patterns are different, even my reactions to certain situations tend to be more feminine than my Dave side.
You are not missing anything. You who who you are. Embrace it. Explore yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself. You are who you are.
I like this and I think I've come to the conclusion that I am more sphere like, or planet like. I'm still trying to figure out the name part because there are so many sides to myself. There was the everyday male mode dude, but there was this walled off country, the CD side of me, behind the iron curtain and that wall came crashing down a number of weeks ago. I'm trying to establish a free trading zone between the various country's of my soul. But there is this other country who keeps threatening to upset the planet by sending nukes to take out both of the previously described countries; and through diplomacy, i.e. therapy, i'm hoping to have a more content planet.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyGaleRT
Kyle and Kylee are two seperate people. Each with their own likes and dislikes. As Kyle, i hate shopping but as kylee i love it. I know that is not a good example but the differences are extreme like that for me. Kyle is very outgoing, saying hi to everyone and never meets a stranger, where as Kylee is a bit shy and hardly speaks to anyone. But if i had to pick one i would say as an overall person my female self is dominate in that i am dressed about 90% of the time (the other 10% being around friends and family who are not comfy with the idea yet, so i dont dress around them for their sake)
I agree Paula, it is a little bit more nuanced than we think. For me Liza has a different personality not initially but over time especially since I spend more complete days as Liza, my outlook and perception change albeit very slowly and gradually. I don't think we can help it. It may be that society forces us to be that way but it is just the way it is.
Shifting personas the way I do can even affect things like how I treat my fiancee. Here's a recent example.
I've shifted to "relaxation" mode as Amy, wearing a black negligee and foam forms (both to give me curves "up top" and to make the gown a bit less revealing). My fiancee is sitting on the bed, wearing her own nightgown, complaining of pain in her upper back.
She: "I need you to put some Aspercreme on my back, but I'll either have to take my gown off or find one with a lower back."
Me: "I don't think you have one with that low a back. You can take it off. Ain't nobody here but just us girls."
She: "I don't want you to get all horny!"
Me: (indicating my outfit) "Not while I'm dressed like this!"
And so it was. She took it off, I put the Aspercreme on, and left her lying face-down on the bed for it to dry. And I made no comments about her exposed breasts. In short, I was interacting with her the way another girl would. Which she's OK with, because she knows, when I finally deconstruct Amy for the evening, "her man" is right back. ;)
- Amy
Joanne and John are two different people. One is a smart, mature businesswoman, softly but articulately spoken. The other is a fellow with a whacked-out sense of humour who can do just anything electrical blindfolded (note: don't try that part at home, folks). I become very relaxed as Joanne. I have no fear of going out as Joanne. However, John has a lot of tension. Joanne is his way of dealing with it.
I'm pretty much the same person however I am dressed I act the same just talk a little softer in girl mode a few registers higher is where my softer voice comes from.
In guy mode when I speak people figure I'm gay because my mannerisms are more female and my word inflection is more female.
I'm still the same person, but I'm just starting out. I'm about a month into cross dressing. I haven't gone out or even interacted with anyone. I feel calmer, but I don't know if my female persona is significantly different than my male side yet. I'll keep you posted! :-)
Dela,
Everyone has multiple personas. Some personas are more developed than others. Some personas are more developed/mature than others. Just think of a politician. Most have vastly different public and a private personas. Does your male persona change
1. when you are in church and when you are in a sports bar?
2. when your boss is in the room and when the boss is out?
3. when your spouse or SO is present or not?
4. when children are present or not?
When dressed and a gentleman holds the door open for you, it is second nature to thank him and sashay on in. Dressed, would you hold the door for a man walking in the door? For me, only if he were elderly or had his arms full.
Personas also change with group size. Sometimes a group mentality takes over.
Watch young children playing some pretend game to see multiple personas come and go. Pretty amusing at times.
My wife says I am the same person, but a different flavor.
I see it as parts of a whole, facets on a gem, if you will, each a part of the others. No one facet is complete without the others. The beauty shows out in the whole.
I asked my boyfriend about this after reading a thread on here about female names & being encouraged by posters here to talk to him about what he might want to be called. We had a long conversation about his gender identity and the difference between his male and female sides. He doesn't feel like male him and female him are two different people just sides of the same person. Sometimes he's all male, sometimes all female and often some mixture of the two where various facets of his personality shine through in different combinations.
So no, I dont think you're missing anything :)