2nd Outing: Mixed bag of success and failure

Well, I guess ya got report the bad with the good.

It came time for a 2nd outing. Now sometimes, some of the girls in the group head out to a friendly place after meeting. I was determined to go along if invited. I picked out a nice sweater dress(it's still cold here), boots, tights, and simple accesories. I bought a coat, purse, and wallet for the occasion.

Now, a friend graciously invited me to get ready in her hotel room since I can't leave the house en femme. (wife's rule, very reasonable) I hadn't met her, but had chatted a lot with her, and had met others, who had met her. So I felt safe but still stressed.

So, we met, got ready, no problem. Then we had to leave the building. 1st time in public for me. Very stressed. Passed like 6 guys on the short walk to the car. One young man made a visible double take at us. No one said anything that I heard, but... nerve wracking.

Met up with the group, all is well. Some are going out, cool, we'll go, see ya there. Then, because of a strange alignment of events, we had to walk past a BUNCH of people to get to the car. Got stared at, but again, no harassment. Then, my friend had to stop by the room again and I just took the opportunity to bolt.

I just couldn't take more scrutiny. I wasn't ready for that feeling of heat that comes with being stared at. I mean, I was not dressed provocatively, just more fancily than avg. and the blonde hair draws attn. I'm sure. I wasn't the only one in either case so people would quickly notice a group of CDs all dressed nicely.

Anyway, I withered under the heat and feel like such a fool. I'm definitely letting it get to me as well. Hopefully time will help. I have a new appreciation of the struggle that CDs like me and those who are TS, and everyone in between, face. I mean, intelectually I knew but had never "felt" it. Now that I have, I have even more admiration for the courage of those who make their way out in the world.

Sorry for the long post. I've been very conflicted about this and needed to express it. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! :)

Laura we all go thru that so just keep your head up and act like a woman and be yourself.
Its hard to take stares I know this as well as the next CDer/TG it comes with the territory I suppose.
The more you do it the easier it gets.
Just wait for that first really awesome compliment and all your fears will go away trust me.

Could it have been that they were typical males and just scoping out the ladies passing by? You look good in the avatar and could easily attract a wandering eye.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Laura we all go thru that so just keep your head up and act like a woman and be yourself.
Its hard to take stares I know this as well as the next CDer/TG it comes with the territory I suppose.
The more you do it the easier it gets.
Just wait for that first really awesome compliment and all your fears will go away trust me.

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Great advice and it definitely gets easier the more you go out. Maybe plan shorter excursions where walking by other people to get to your destination is minimized. After a few times, they become non-issues, just like the parked cars, trees and bushes that you walk by.

Glad you let those emotions out. Its not surprising that some people do a double take when a group of us goes by. Even when we're dressed to blend some things may give us away. But don't read too much into it. You don't know what's going on in someone's head, and it may have been..."dude looks good" or "she's pretty"....or somewhere in between.

next time, consider going someplace in daylight with just one friend, CD or GG, just to get comfortable with being out and about. Each new step makes the next one a bit easier.

It's understandable to feel nervous, we've all been there, but the underlying point to the story is that while you got some looks/stares you weren't harassed, hassled, hurt. A group of CD's is always going to attract more attention/scrutiny than just one of us, but some stares/odd looks just sometimes happen. You have to shrug it off, be confident in yourself, and you'll weather it just fine.

The first few times you leave the security and privacy of a house or hotel room whilst en-femme are always gonna be nerve wracking.
All in all it sounds like a fairly enjoyable timeout too.
As has already been said it gets easier the more you do it. :hug:

It can be daunting out there during your first outings, don't give up.

no failure here! each time you get out it is more of a success. you are doing fine!! it will get easier each time you go out.
i've only been going out since last summer, and was scared to death the first few times. in my head head i imagined everyone starring at me and knowing that i was a cd'er.
after a few times out i realized that this was not so and even if they did know, they did not know who i really was in male mode, and as long as they didn't say anything negative
i was fine with it. i did practice, over and over again in my head, what i would say if i did have a negative interaction...but i haven't, so i don't even worry about it anymore.
i think you look good and blend in well. if people just suspect, who cares... they will not say anything being unsure, and that was always my biggest fear. but after going out now, to public places, interacting with people and even using the womens room, i have become more confident and now the good out weights the bad. it is now a new found freedom for me and i love it, as you will too!! keep up the good work!! :)

Sorry you ended up stressed out. Hope that your future experiences will be more pleasant.

Persephone's Formula states that the odds of getting read go up by the square of the number of crossdressers in the group. So two are four times as likely to be read as one, three are nine times as likely, etc.

Even when your experiences take a downturn like yours did you can always learn from the experience. Besides the numbers, could you improve your look, your walk, etc. "Failure analysis" is what helps us improve, so the long-term result can be positive.

Hugs,
Persephone.

I am still working on being out and about. I also wonder about what is behind the looks. I go jogging in the morning in an androgynous sort of outfit. Many people (mostly women) smile back at me, but I wonder if it is because they are just being friendly or are amused by the guy in the "gay" outfit.

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Originally Posted by Laura912

Could it have been that they were typical males and just scoping out the ladies passing by? You look good in the avatar and could easily attract a wandering eye.

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Hi Laura,

It's got to be said, but in male mode I've taken that look at a smart backside going along the street only to discover it was a male......aaaah! So maybe the quote here could be accurate.

I know how you feel though, but a step forward and a reassessment of the situation is no failure. You advanced.....end of girl! :thumbsup:

I need to be getting out more too, but just not locally. Again house rules!

Rebecca

Failure? NOT!

Laura, you dressed, and went out, and walked past people. As has been said here, you did quite a lot, and there is no reason to associate a failure with that. You just did not accomplish all mission objectives, that happens a lot.

I live with house rules about not leaving dressed also, along with no going out in our town. Bummer, but sensible. So I am looking for group opportunities also, so just keep taking advantage of these oppoetunities and continue to develop your self confidence. As good as you look, you should be out girl.

Barbara

Laura, in my opinion. You were getting noticed because you're beautiful!
You'll just have to face it ;)

Good for you Laura for your second trip out...

Stared at? Define stared.

Just maybe some folks saw a pretty blonde WOMAN and "looked" with something beyond a cursory glance?

Like you might do if you didn't have a SO?

Don't get yourself into trouble trying to MIND READ folks. It CAN'T be done [contrary to popular opinion here] and will only hold you back.

And what if you COULD read minds? And you get 99 "she's smokin hot" and ONE "that's a guy in a dress"? Make any difference?

You're real close to crossing that REALITY line, so just keep at it.

Laura, you've made it further than I would ever think of going myself. I admire your guts and your looks -- don't be discouraged ;)

Well if you look anything like your Avatar then maybe the looks you were getting weren’t stares but rather admiring looks. When out as a woman guys are going to look, that is what guys do when a woman walks by and they tend to keep on looking if they like what they see. If you’re going to go out as a girl, especially a blonde, you just might have to get used to being admired and possibly ogled as a sex object. Smile, chin up, maybe put a little more wiggle in your walk, and say to yourself “in your dreams fellow, in your dreams.”

Going out is not a requirement for being a CD. If you find it unpleasant, what is the point of doing it? I have gone out dressed a few times and find nothing pleasurable about it. I am very happy dressing at home exclusively. Now put me in front of a Web cam and that's a different story.

I admire your bravery, I'm still too scared to even leave the bedroom on most days.

Two steps forward and one back, the next time hold your head high and go for it, I went out with another girl year and half ago and if she had not been with me I would have never got out of my room. I had to walk through the lobby and it was pack with people that were at the some conference I was at. We walk right through them, nothing was said about the crossdresser in the lobby the next day. You look great so next time head high walk like you own the place.

If you look like a woman the men will look. Get used to that. As a man you aren't used to this but GG's get it all the time. I know it is very nerve racking to go out dressed. I have done it a good bit and I still get nervous every time at first. You did great and went way farther than most will on the first time or two out. The urge to flee is natural. It gets better.

Here's the thing, accept that you WILL be read as T-something and life gets much easier.

I like Barbara's math analogy about being in a group, so very true on every imaginable level. Add to that the variable of how you are dressed. I'm reliving this here in Vegas this week. Dresses to blend in the daytime, nary a look and minimal "a-ha" moments by the Muggles. Dress to the nines (or nineteens) when going out for the evening, all bets are off. EVERYONE notices you. The question then becomes did they detect a pretty woman or a dude? Sometimes that hard to tell but either way, assume they will detect the guy and it becomes a big fat "whatever".

Welcome to the real world Ms. Laura. First time out and you went past people... heck that was maybe by the 10th time out. I spent a lot of time getting courage up at cemeteries, parks, dead end cul-de-sacs and just driving around without getting out... After a bunch of those outings, I worked my way up to human contact at a mickid's drive through... finally after about two months of testing the water, I started walking downtown near some legal offices. Those seem to be the only ones that have girls that wear skirts and heels. Great way to blend in by being dressed up.

Eventually, I made it to the mall and then another mall and then stores and then well the rest is history... now I'm just a lil ol lady in heels out doing errands...

Take heart, the time will go by much faster once you get the IDC 'tude.....

Renne.....

Ms. Laura,

You did fine! I have been determined to go out in the past, and then could not bring myself to open the car door. Just bailed.

Every time you do go out, even briefly, you gain a bit more confidence. I found lot's of little tricks that allowed me to get out and gain confidence. Find some little "cheats" of your own that help you get out the door, and then after a while you won't need them anymore.

Michelle

Thanks everybody. You're right, I wasn't attacked or jeered at openly. And Barbara Ella, I did accomplish my primary mission objective, to meet up with the group, just not the secondary objective.

Ally, you might be right but I feel like I want to be out, at least to friendly venues, but I won't know if I don't try.

Persephone, you're formula is spot on for sure.

Sara, I do expect to be read. I just wasn't "ready" for it. Perhaps like everyone mentioned, I'll develop a little armorial against it. And you're right, I was dressed to the 7s if not the 9s. In NH, anything other than a hoodie or flannel attracts notice.

You're all very kind but I KNOW I was read, I will say I had one guy fooled until he was about 2 feet away as we passed on the hotel entrance walk. :)

Thanks again. I did need to articulate my feelings to deal with them. I'm feeling a lot better right now. Even if I didn't mention your name, I read all of your posts and greatly appreciate your support.

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Originally Posted by Ms. Laura

I'm feeling a lot better right now.

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It's good to see that talking it out and a bit of time can help. It sure helped me after a few of my more nerve-wracking outings. It does get easier and more enjoyable. Hopefully you'll be able to get out more, relax, and really enjoy it.

Good luck Laura!

-Bree

My opinion. Go out with GG's, male friends, or even by yourself. I think you will get a better idea of how the real world sees you. Don't sweat passing, just be yourself. A group of CD's together will get gawked at. My best fave person to be out with is stil my wife, bless her.

I am very proud of you. Keep trying. I am still learning myself.

Looking at your posted pictures, you think that MAYBE..... you are just PRETTY ???

Diane

Laura - if I looked like you, lady, I would be out there! Which of course I am, from time to time. If an old fart like me can do it, you can do it better. So somebody reads you - no big deal. Who knows what they have hidden in their pants! As for men who mock, it is most likely that after one look at you, they know they are just not in your league

Laura - The first few times I went out (other than just getting gas, etc), I was pretty much paralyzed with fear. I would tend to walk into small parts of the mall or certain stores until I got too scared and needed to go regroup. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that years later I would be going through the TSA checkpoint at the airport enfemme in order to get on a plane and "fly pretty." You just keep taking those small steps until you feel comfortable taking slightly larger ones. It's awesome that you took that first BIG step out into real world and now know that there won't be any "film at 11:00" on the local news about your venture enfemme.

I would suggest everyone you saw were eyeing off a blonde bombshell.
It is unfortunate you appeared to over react.
Was there lack of support from your friend?
better luck next time.
And there will be.

I loved my first 2 times out and both started with dinner out at nice restaurants. I was nervous but I felt so wonderful that it was worth it. I am going out this Friday and can't wait! Some people noticed and some didn't. I felt beautiful aNd that is what I am trying to concentrate on.
Suzanne

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Originally Posted by Persephone

Sorry you ended up stressed out. Hope that your future experiences will be more pleasant.

Persephone's Formula states that the odds of getting read go up by the square of the number of crossdressers in the group. So two are four times as likely to be read as one, three are nine times as likely, etc.

Even when your experiences take a downturn like yours did you can always learn from the experience. Besides the numbers, could you improve your look, your walk, etc. "Failure analysis" is what helps us improve, so the long-term result can be positive.

Hugs

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There's also safety in numbers. When i went to Keystone Conference last month, it took 2 buses to transport all of us to the casino. So, everywhere you looked was another T-girl.

I went through that, don't really have an answer, except if its eating at you just keep trying to face your fear and learn from it. It helps to prepare by thinking about what would actually happen if someone DID notice you...the answer is, nothing. If you act like you belong and demand respect then you will get it.

Laura its hard in the beginning but be yourself it will get better and you will build confidence real quick.

My heart goes out to you Laura. I wish I was with you to comfort and encourage you. Baby steps at first and now you can stand proud as a young lady! You rock!
A little FYI, IMHO how about not wearing a Blonde wig for a period as you build you self esteem,courage and perfect Laura ? It could help....Mykchelle

Well, the blonde does attract attention, but It's my best look and I like it. It looks and matches my eyebrows perfectly.

I mean, I didn't freak out and run away, I just ran out of gas for new firsts. I'll get there. No one harassed me.

Another thing which triggered inside was this realization that was like, "Hey, you're out here presenting as female now, that sort of puts you in a new category" my inner voice said. A holy crap, I'm TG moment. Depending on how you categorize yourself, internally, it can be a surprise. I had a family member transition a long time ago, and it sounds stupid but I never really thought of myself as similar to her and now realize how foolish I am and have been. I mean, I don't want to transition, I don't have that all powerful yearning to shed my male persona forever, but I can't deny similarity.

I apologize if I'm butchering terminology, as I am no expert, I'm only explaining my inner conflicts.

Honey, if you looked anything like your avatar or profile pic, they were looking because they liked what they saw.If you're going to continue going out, get used to it - you're beautiful! And beautiful girls get stares!
Hugs,

just being a girl you are going to get stares. get used to it.

even in guy mode (but in womens clothing) i had this one gal she could not help but keep looking at my chest. much lower cut top the a guy has on. some stubble from shaving, sad the tan lines are not up to par for the top.

guess just like a real woman/girl gets from a guy checking out her chest?

but not to worry next time will be better.

nobody out there cares, sure there will be some slobs, teenage boys trying to prove something to there friends (a couple of them wish they were dressed up).
but in a group, not a "bad" area, you will not have any problems. just be a girl and do as any other girl does.

when in doubt put on a dress.


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