Dressing at the therapists office

Hi girls,

So after a lot of strum and drang in my life, I've at least taken the step of seeing a therapist who's very gender aware, very sympathetic, and absolutely willing to talk to me about my crossdressing and gender issues. I feel like a bird who's been let out of her cage for 45 minutes.

Last week he said to wear something feminine and comfortable if I want. Is it going overboard if I wear an LBD, stockings, bra and heels? I think he'd much rather have me be myself in session, and I can't imagine being more myself than dressed in a pretty (albeit formal) fashion. I've actually never taken the step of dressing and presenting before, so I'm frankly terrified. But I can't do this in front of my therapist, than really, I've got some issues. Also - I'm wearing tights to cover my leg hair, but do you think it's okay to wear stockings even if one hasn't shaved?

I'm very excited. And scared, and nauseous at the same time.

Liv
Darla

Hello! From the look I'm imagining, I'd say a little black dress and stockings might be a bit on the sexy side for a doctors visit, but if you feel that's what you prefer to wear then do it! As far as stockings with unshaven legs, it depends how see through they are, and how much hair you have. if you can't see it you should be fine, otherwise maybe wear some leggings instead, but i'm not sure they would fit with a little black dress. most of all just wear what you really enjoy wearing, and are comfortable in, don't let me or anyone else tell you whats right for you, i'm just giving my opinion since you asked. good luck and have fun <3

Its daytime so why not dress as any woman might in daytime. Look around your area, see what ladies your age are wearing during the daytime and dress accordingly - you'll feel less conspicuous.

Your therapist wants to see you as your fem self. This will help him assess you and your needs. I have attended most all of my sessions with my therapist en fem, however I usually dress as most any other woman would dress when attending a therapy session. Sure I will occasionally wear a pretty sundress or a skirt and top, but usually I am wearing either carpis or a pair of slacks along with a cute top. Most often I will wear flats and have only worn heels to an appointment when I had a need to for a date after the appointment.

If you have not yet shaved your legs, I agree that you should either wear leggings, tights or a pair of pants. Relax and enjoy the experience of attending your session as a woman and allow your therapist to meet to real you....

Figuring out what to wear seems to be the ongoing worry for all women. Now just what will I wear today....lol.

If this is your first time, try to select something you are relaxed in and comfortable. A LBD may be fine if it is not one designed for a social event, that would not fit at the therapist's office. The hardest thing is to know what if appropriate for the occasion. It really takes experience. I bet your therapist just wants to see what you feel about yourself by dressing, and won't be taken aback by your LBD outfit. And if you like it, and you like yourself in it, then you are good to go girl.

Barbara

NO stockings if you haven't shaven.

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Originally Posted by famousunknown

NO stockings if you haven't shaven.

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Whew! I will not! I knew it was a cardinal sin to do so, good the girls here on the forum keep it real.

And thanks for all your advice everyone - I really appreciate it. Time is drawing near and I I emailed ahead if time to check and make sure it's okay - which having not heard back, I'm sure it is. Really dressed to the mines or not - I want to present as how I feel inside, which is female. I'm sure I could go in jeans and t shirt and flats, but I don't get to do this that often, and I'm beginning to feel that I should be dressed for the occasion. Which as my first time presenting I think is cause for celebration! Too bad I don't have anything more perky or floral, I could be attending a funeral

Thanks Darla

Hi Darla,
hope I'm not too late with my reply but you could always wear your LBD with black tights, and wear flats instead of heels. Anyway, best of luck with your session!
-Audrey

The first time I went to my therapist dressed as Miki I was wearing a white cotton dress, blue jacket and wedges. I was dressed as if I was heading for a casual meeting with a friend at a nice cafe.

Dress comfortably with simple makeup. You should not be trying to impress your therapist, but rather your are simply trying to show her you are comfortable dressed as a girl/woman. You are not going to a club or Saturday night dinner.

Okay - so thanks again girls for your recommendations and helpful hints. Disclaimer:Simce I don't have a lot of clothes and my options are limited in terms of what I can wear, the LBD, although over the top a bit, was totally fine.

I walked in and asked if it was okay to change, which I did in the bathroom - thnk goodness for women's clothing - so much easier to put on than men's dress clothes. That and years of changing in and out of tights and bras and other tricky clothing before my parents came home (I swear putting stockings on without getting a run in the fastest time should be an Olympic sport).

I was maybe not terrified but totally weirded out when I walked in. Quickly turned to "hey - I'm dressed and I'm not going to explode" swept over me. Then we did 5 minutes of self awareness breathing exercises. Then the beams of sunshine broke out of the back of my head like an Indian deity painting and everything got .....amazing.

I was me! Not fake me, or angry me - just 100% who I was for over 45 minutes. I spoke like how I wanted to speak, I gestured more, I experimented not being so damn masculine every minute of every day, so help me god. I was relaxed and joyous and grateful for every minute. Like I stated earlier, I was free from the cage of being buttoned up, stalwart and like a TV game show host. I wasn't acting, I was stretching what it meant to be me!

And I got a lot of positive reinforcement, I was complemented on the fit of the dress, how well I managed to walk in heels. I feel like my therapist was a gymnastics coach proud of his student as she executes some rather difficult move.

And it wasn't all about the dressing. As the first time I've ever presented to someone - ever - it was pretty mind blowing. It was like a cork popping. And I realized that all the other feelings and potential I'd paved over so I could surpress this part of me surpressed so many other beautiful pieces of me.

So my mission should I choose to accept it: Bring back the glow and use it to nurture the rest of my life. Stop crouching, immobile in life and start to walk again. There's the rest of my life that needs living and a family that's going to see what it means for me to be happy again.

Yeah - today was a good day.

Thanks ladies
Darla

Wear something more suitable for the daytime. This was taken in his office. I wore this suit, as my Dr's office is downtown in a business area. I fit right in.

Going to the Dr's is a rite of passage for a transgendered woman, enjoy the experience. You Dr will be helpful

Darla,

I just really admire you for taking the steps that you feel are necessary to understand who you are better. As far as dress code goes, I would suggest wearing whatever makes you comfortable, stockings or not.

God Bless You

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Originally Posted by famousunknown

NO stockings if you haven't shaven.

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Gotta love a bunch of CDs who complain they cannot wear what they want to wear and then tell others what they SHOULD wear. The key word in the OP was "comfortable" If the OP was comfortable with a LBD then that is what she should wear. The other point was the therapist wanted to "see the OP in what she liked to wear". Maybe the therapist wanted to gauge where to go with the session.

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I think he'd much rather have me be myself in session, and I can't imagine being more myself than dressed in a pretty (albeit formal) fashion.

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No where did the OP say they wanted to blend in. Really? It amazes me how many here think that everyone should be a soccer mom during the day.

Let me add something. Not all women shave their legs. Not all women wear jeans or capris during the day (some DO wear dresses and some wear nice dresses). Not all women want to blend in. Some women ever wear make up that "pops" during the day.

Still amazing how you all have YOUR idea of how a woman looks and won't accept that some women DO NOT fit your stereotype.

Darla, wear what you are "comfortable" in, that was the assignment right?

I would wear jeans and casual, boobs and hair would be a must.
Nothing half hearted, juust casual.

Thank Lorileah -

Yes! You get it! Thanks for stating the (what I thought was) obvious. I did not spend the day dressed, not did I try to pass leading up to the session. I wore something that lets me express who I am, with what I had in hand. I don't have a closet full of summer dresses or capris or even women's jeans. I'm barely able to keep my marriage together and have careened so close to divorce the last few weeks (jury's still out on that one) that keeping any sort of wardrobe is out of the question.

I'm trying to make the point that it really isn't about the clothes, and it wasn't in the session - I was trying so hard to not concentrate on what I was wearing and just be. It was bout who I am, which was what my therapist wanted to see.

Thanks for stating my original intent. I don't post often, and don't feel like I have a consistent track record on the forum, so maybe I'm more likely to be misunderstood.

I guess I didn't make myself clear, but I can't understand why there are so many "but this amp goes to 11" replies.

In any case god bless for all the replies and support.

Darla

I've seen several therapists and I've gone dressed on occasion to each of them.

There was one who I only saw for about 3 months, because she wasn't really very good as a therapist, but she said I could dress whenever I felt like it. After that, I felt like it *all* the time. I always changed in her bathroom and changed back after the session. The first time I went there dressed, I was facing away from her as the previous client walked out. When I turned around to face her, she almost didn't recognize me. I used her sessions to try out different looks: casual jeans, skirt/blouse, black leather miniskirt. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Except with the mini. I felt very self conscious exposing that much leg, and uh, well, you know.

And by the way, I wear hose and don't shave my legs. So what!. I try to wear black hose, or opaque hose like tights. Sometimes I wear nude footless dancer tights, with real pantyhose over them. It works for me. I like to emulate a real girl, but have to make some sacrafices to keep my job and my wife.

Save your money.
There’s nothing “wrong” with any of us.
Sometimes the X and Y chromosomes get out of kilter, no big deal.
Actually, we’re a very rare bunch so just have fun.
Go with the flow.
Enjoy yourself.

@Loileah: i was thinking the exact same! that's why i said wear what is comfortable, but i did give my personal view was it was asked. but yes, i feel weird telling anyone there are rules to clothes ;]

@Darla, congrats on your first time out! sounds like it went well, and i wish you the best in your future adventures ^-^

Thanks Cheryl - no wiser words. Go with the flow. Repressing this for so long I realized in that one session is a lot of work! Seriously. If I can just be myself, I can only imagine the mental energy that it would free up to do all the other things in life that need doing. Heck - it was my first time in front of anyone with any sort of acceptance. I'll get down to personal style when I get around to it.

Although I felt a little weird with no wig or makeup on, I might aim to present a little more for future sessions. It was just so nice to be me. Which was surprising as I acted REALLY femme. Maybe that's who I am....Time to find out.

Darla

Hi All - hijacking my own thread from weeks ago. Just updating on the amazing progress one achieves with the right environment and support. This is the second time I've been to my therapists, but this time I do dress a little more, did up the makeup and have some nice hair to match. FYI - as I stated, this was my first time in front of anyone, well second time, and this dear readers, is my first pic ever. Yes EVER. So let me know what you think. And I did shave my legs.

But of course I got a run first thing in a new pair of Calvin Klein hose.

Okay girls - lets try again. Here's a few pics from my last session. Floral above the knee dress, sheer top, heels and hose. Let me know if I pass the sniff test. I feel like I'm on cloud 9. The most acceptance I've ever gotten. Even got a "You look pretty, I feel like I'm seeing the real you".

you look great!! im actually pretty jealous right about now ;)

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Originally Posted by Darla

Also - I'm wearing tights to cover my leg hair, but do you think it's okay to wear stockings even if one hasn't shaved?

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Though it is too late seeing you have already shaved, I heard of a drag queen trick, of wearing several layers of panty hose, one over the other, and so on, to cover leg hair. That could be hot if you were wearing that for a long time, but should be bearable for an hour's appointment.

I found in the days I was transitioning from CD to TG, that people do notice such feminizing things, maybe including shaved legs, even though they may not say anything at the time about it.

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Originally Posted by Darla

....And I got a lot of positive reinforcement, I was complemented on the fit of the dress, how well I managed to walk in heels. I feel like my therapist was a gymnastics coach proud of his student as she executes some rather difficult move.

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Welcome to the world of being a woman. Getting compliments is one of the nicest things about being a woman. Don't worry about them -- just appreciate them!

Hugs

You look nice Darla. l went to my first gender therapy session recently dressed in womens clothing and my therapist even surprised me by complimenting on my top. That was nice to hear.

You have a cool therapist!

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Originally Posted by jennifer g.

you look great!! im actually pretty jealous right about now ;)

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QFT. That's a very pretty dress on a very pretty woman. I'm a little jealous too... I guess that makes me and jennifer g. women. :)

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Originally Posted by Beth-Lock

I found in the days I was transitioning from CD to TG, that people do notice such feminizing things, maybe including shaved legs, even though they may not say anything at the time about it.

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When I finally started shaving my legs regularly, I started to get lots of compliments, usually something like "You have great legs! I didn't even know! Do you shave them?"

From girls, of course. Guys don't talk to each other that way because that would be un-macho.

Okay - I'm getting a lot of jealousy, which I guess gets me entry into the ladies club. I guess we really do dress for each other rather than the opposite gender? Never really thought that much about it in those terms.

Frankly thank god for the crappy lens on my ancient phone. It's so scratched up it acts like a diffusion filter. Had I taken a clear photo you'd see the mismatched foundation, no blush, lack of jewelry and noticeable body hair. Yuck. I have a long way to go. But for now I get to be me for 45 minutes.

Thanks girls! Your comments made me feel so much prettier than I felt!

Love
Darla