CD or Multiple personality or TG or what???????

I would like some clarification if you could help me out. I have for the past 40yrs considered myself a crossdresser. By this I mean I wear women s clothes in preference to male. Only recently I have escalated this to wearing a wig and makeup. Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered. As I have stated many times I would like to go out dressed in a skirt heels etc but cannot because of circumstances (wifes against it) and society. I would even go out (if society allowed) without wig and makeup just with the female clothes. To go to the shop wearing a skirt and heels would be fantastic.
Here is the confusion - A lot of you lovely people here express no desire to go out as a male in female clothes but have to Pass totally as a female. Is this still classed as crossdressing or is it some other term?
Recently - since joining this forum, I have become very confused about things that used to be clear to me. I seem to be progressing towards something I dont really understand (or totally want) and its happening very fast. Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.
Am I unusual in this or is it 'normal'.
I think I would like to know where its going to end. Given the chance will Ellie take over or do I live a multiple personality life which is difficult. >>>Thanks Ellies male half.

I think by definition all crossdressers are to some extent transgendered. That doesn't mean they are transexuals, who feel called not merely to wear women's clothes but to BE women.

Eloise,
I dress because it makes me feel so content. So while your at it you might as present as well as you can.
Also, no matter what you are wearing, isn't Eloise there with you? Do you really have to classify yourself?

I felt the same way. I honestly thought Farrah was going to take over my life at one point. I only had a feminine mindset, and mostly thought of myself as Farrah even in drab. I remember thinking if I had a split personality. I would like some insight on this subject as well.

As to "split personality", perhaps another look at some native Americans description of "Twin Spirits" might give some insight. Or peace.

Ineke

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by eloise5104

Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered.

---

This is impossible to answer, because everyone has a different definition for "crossdresser" and "transgender". I think that both are catch-all terms that describe a wide spectrum of motives and behaviors.

If you're asking whether or not you have a degree of feminine gender ID when you dress, this is possible. But, this does not mean that you are a transsexual (someone who believes she is a woman born in a male body and who needs to transition).

The spectrum is wide indeed. I'd say that most people who post here on a regular basis have some form of gender fluidity, which means they do not identify purely male like men who have no interest in dressing (or who rather are disgusted with the idea), or transsexuals who identify purely as women.

... and then there are the fetishists who dress purely for sexual reasons and who are not interested in dressing outside of the sexual experience. These CDs generally have strictly a male gender ID, but if they are strict fetishists they likely would not be interested in participating here.

This is interesting. I've been driven more and more lately to spend more time as Sandie. To push the envelope. And when I do go out I seem to undergo something of a personality change...something I like very much. In some ways Sandie doesn't have all the baggage my male self has...she's new and positive and full of hope. And Sandie is the one who's pushing for my being a better person. And it is a little scary...and confusing. Guess I just have to keep going and see what happens. And maybe that's what you need to do as well Ellie.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by eloise5104

Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by eloise5104

I think I would like to know where its going to end. Given the chance will Ellie take over or do I live a multiple personality life which is difficult. >>>Thanks Ellies male half.

---

Your dilemma is valid. Living as the male you were born, or the female you feel you are. There are no easy answers to your questions.

TBS, you can move fluidly from one to the other, if you're able to compartmentalize. Separate the two. Do the "guy" as required, and enjoy the "girl" whenever you get the opportunity.

I can only speak as to what works for me. Five days a week, I go to work as a male to earn a paycheck. I look forward to getting home and enjoying my evening en femme.

On my days off, I generally spend all my time crossdressed, blissfully content.

To sum it up, I actually spend a lot more time in my preferred gender expression (female) than in my assigned gender (male).

I'd say it's a choice to achieve a sort of balance in life... do what you must to make a living, and reap the rewards by enjoying life.

I think you can have it both ways! :)

As far as the definitions used by most of those on this site seem to be, "transgendered" applies to all, crossdresser through the various stages of transexuality. I have noticed that those who split themselves into 2 identities seem more likely to be traveling the transexual path.

CD or Multiple personality, who knows! My SO has commented that I act different, walk different, talk different, think different, have different mannerisms when Emo is present (she shows up when she wants too, it doesn't seem to be an on call type of relationship).

The most recent manifestation was being told that I, the manly man that I am, giggled, following a covetous comment about some absolutely scrumptious pink knee high socks.

If you figure out how it will play out, let me know! Heavy sigh!

My male side is still shaking his head in shock and awe, the last couple years have been very interesting to say the least.

...or what???

I would say unduly influenced because of your participation here. I would be more concerned about that than what is the " correct" label for you. You DON'T need a label and having one won't make your life any easier in any way will it?

You seem to be concerned that only recently did you escalate to wearing wigs and makeup. [Probably after coming to this site?] You then go on to say "I would even go out (if society allowed) without wig and makeup just with the female clothes". Well THERE you have it, in a nutshell. You don't really want or need all the "aggravation" of trying to "pass" as a female which IS OK, contrary to the opinions of many Forum Dinos. It is not against any laws that I am aware of and nobody has any right to decide just what is right to wear in public or just what constitutes good taste.

While you CAN blame your wife for not being able to go out "dressed" in any manor you like, DON'T blame Society. Society has no problem with it at all. Surely you don't think ALL the "bad" CDers at this site have any reason to lie about CDing out in the RW do you? What purpose would it serve?

Just because many here claim "the pink fog" is inevitable and or at some point you will likely ponder transition, and that if your wife loves you, she must accept, and that we shouldn't go out in public unless...

Little wonder you might be confused.

You need to find your own path and come to some kind of agreement with your wife. If you are worried it's going to take over your life or ruin your Relationship with your wife, you might want to take a short vacation from this Forum and see if your thought processes change any.

NO one here can give you the proper "definition" for yourself or tell you how or when your journey is going to end up or where it might lead.

Elie, I can only tell you how I feel about why i dress. I like what Reine has to say and as a gg she has a unique vantage point and very good insight on us. As for me I am both male and female, and in years past these two have warred with each other. I've never completely identified as a male but for some time fought to do so. This would make me miserable and confused and finally I would dress en femme and feel normal. Generally the next day I would be disgusted and would wonder what was wrong with me. All of this guilt was associated with social norms of which I didn't fit in, so I was different and therefore there must be something wrong with me. Acceptance has been the key for my peace of mind. Once I was able to accept myself then I was able to embrace Kandy and set her free. She is me, I am her, and we all coexist in a male body. Duel personality, no for I am both him and her and I accept that. Once I "found myself" so to speak I've found I prefer to identify with my feminine self and today that's just fine, I'm comfortable as Kandy and john q public s opinion of me doesn't make me any less than the warm hearted and kind person that I am.

As I have aged I have found that I need to be known as a woman more and more, I have been a female virtually 24/7 for almost ten years. Now mind you I have never transitioned or (really) considered it, but the need to express my female side and declare to the world who I am has became a great crusade. ELLIE, my thoughts are with you darlin as you progress on your journey-BEST WISHES !

You are what you are. But you are also in the process of becoming what you will be. No one totally fits into one classification or another, so I find them meaningless except as vague signposts. I used to like to tell myself I enjoyed cross dressing, and there was something of an erotic component, but it's more complicated than that now. I feel like my feminine self is growing fast and may soon be the biggest, best part of me. So where do I fit in now and where am I going? Then my wife, the number two stakeholder in my life, needs to have her feelings considered as well. I need to be girly and she still needs me to be the man she married. A tough balance when I own more dresses than her! So life bumps and lurches along between the pigeonholes.

Gosh, I hope you do take Wildaboutheels advice and take a little time away from the forum. I'm a GG and about to do the same as while everyone here is very helpful, thoughts on this topic get tangled about and you may decide you're something you're not. I was doing this with my husband and I would feel very sad for you and your family if you shifted along a path you didn't plan on taking because you felt online encouragement or pressure or whatever. Sometimes group mentality is bad for individual growth - it's like being back at high school!

Explore who you are, for sure, but do it with your family and not strangers on a website. Just my two cents from a wife who'd be very sad to find her husband writing the things you have written here x

For me, I am sure that I will never become Stephanie full time, so no, she will never take over. But she does and will always need to be let out occasionally.

You never have to be someone you don't want to be or try to fulfill some nebulous paradigm. Being yourself is sufficient, whoever that "self" happens to be but it sometimes takes courage to be able to do that.:)

Crossdresssing is what someone does. Transgender refers to what someone IS. Yes you do crossdress, but only you can determine if it is a transgender thing. I never dressed from head to toe with wig and makeup until about a year ago and it kind of exploded after that. However I have had the desire to BE a girl since my earliest childhood memories.

Don't fight it. Explore and find out who you are. No need to feel frightened of you.

Hi Ellie, For me Crossdressing is just a part time job, I save the labels for soup cans

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by eloise5104

I seem to be progressing towards something I dont really understand (or totally want) and its happening very fast. Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.
Am I unusual in this or is it 'normal'.
I think I would like to know where its going to end. Given the chance will Ellie take over or do I live a multiple personality life which is difficult. >>>Thanks Ellies male half.

---

One personality, different expressions of the same.
At least that's how I see it.
And, somewhere in there is the balance.
As I see/understand it, crossdressing is part of the broad spectrum that is being transgendered.
Really a word - let me put it another way, from where I am.
I am a genetic male, who is a husband & father, son and grandson.
This is (part of) who I am.
I need to express myself in the feminine in some way all of the time,
(ie no body hair, painted nails, sculpted brows)
and (recently discovered) need to express myself completely in the feminine some of the time.
How often? not sure yet.
I am sure it will be less than I'd like to, for various reasons, but finding the balance is the fun bit.
My perspective, anyhow. :)

It doesn't have to lead anywhere you don't allow it to.
Finding a balance is the key to coexisting with both sides of your personality.
I find it fruitless to try and find the box you fit in or label that fits you.Just because you do A does not mean B and C will happen in the future.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReineD

This is impossible to answer, because everyone has a different definition for "crossdresser" and "transgender". I think that both are catch-all terms that describe a wide spectrum of motives and behaviors.

If you're asking whether or not you have a degree of feminine gender ID when you dress, this is possible. But, this does not mean that you are a transsexual (someone who believes she is a woman born in a male body and who needs to transition).

The spectrum is wide indeed. I'd say that most people who post here on a regular basis have some form of gender fluidity, which means they do not identify purely male like men who have no interest in dressing (or who rather are disgusted with the idea), or transsexuals who identify purely as women.

... and then there are the fetishists who dress purely for sexual reasons and who are not interested in dressing outside of the sexual experience. These CDs generally have strictly a male gender ID, but if they are strict fetishists they likely would not be interested in participating here.

---

That sums up my feelings too, well said.

In addition, I think you're going through what many of us with gender identity issues have gone through or will go through. You've suppressed this part of yourself, either consciously or subconsciously, for many years, and once you crack open the door, it all starts flooding out and it can be a surprise even to us.

That's why I feel VERY strongly that anyone dealing with dressing or gender issues should start working things out as soon as is possible in life and it's important to not get involved in a close relationship with anyone, as a spouse/SO will almost always be resistant to us making major changes to who we are. That makes things much more complicated and difficult, and others end up getting hurt more often than not when we can't change who we are and/or where we're going.

Carol

I don't think you have changed, just upped the stakes a little.

The women who know Nikki seem to be more comfortable with me than other guys, even women who don't know about my dressing seem more open to me. I had one friend ask another friend if I was a CD, my friend thought I had told her and confirmed it. I asked that friend what made her ask in the first place, she told me I had a feminine aura, not gay, but feminine. I go out as Nikki and as me also (Nikki has the nicer clothes) and am comfortable either way in the muggles world. I know (for now) that I like both sides of me and I think I'm heading for more of a blending rather that a change, one way or another. I'm not comfortable semi dressing, either I want to present one way or another. However there are certain non obvious favorites that I mix in with my drab clothes.
So what I'm saying is, does that make me a CD or TG, who cares as long as I'm content. Just get to a level where you're satisfied.

I'm with Nikki. I leave and Labeling to the lawyers and demographics experts.:)

Think of all the men you have encountered in your life as a "tribe" .

Do you feel like you belong to this "tribe" ?

Do you have to force yourself to act the "role" of a man?

Do you hide your lack of "maleness" from others?

Do you live with a secret person inside you that only you know about that you hope no one discovers ?

Does this "secret person" that lives inside you occasionally do things that you fear will expose the truth that you are trying to hide from others ?

If so you may be transsexual and have formed a female identity when you were a child that you have suppressed and the crossdressing is bringing this buried identity to the surface of your consciousness.

Identity is simply who you belief yourself to be but the most powerful identity is the one that is subconscious because it is formed early in life and is a continuous process that happens below your awareness.

Identity is formed between you and your environment where you use the environment like a sounding board to reflect back to you your "truth" but when what is reflected back to you is contradictory between the words (you are a boy) and the feelings ( I see myself in other women) your identity splits in two between what you believe and what you are told to believe.

To survive you push this identity down (how you know yourself to be regardless of what others tell you) but it keeps wanting to come out because it is you.

We must express ourselves as we know ourselves to be or suffer the consequences.

When you crossdress you may "trigger" this suppressed identity by making yourself consciously aware of what you have been consciously trying not to be aware of.

You will feel like you are being split in two inside your own mind because you are trying to live with a fractured gender identity by holding two opposites in one vessel who both what to be heard.

If you do not have a suppressed identity than crossdressing may "bend" your male gender identity so it is less rigid in its expression and this will happen as a result of you attempting to fit into a conformist gender binary that is to restrictive for your own personal expression

The other possibility is that crossdressing threatens to invert your sexuality and turn it inward toward yourself so you sexually desire yourself as a woman and project this desire onto others as "being loved" as the female form you attempt to create in yourself.

You seek love from others as adoration which is the expression of the sexual adoration you have for women so you want people to feel toward you what you feel toward women as "sex"

You will know this because your crossdressing will always be sexualized and if it was not for sex you would have no interest in it. Sex in some fashion must always be the foundation and driver of the behavior.

You crossdress to turn yourself into a sexual object either for yourself or others.

If female identity and invert sexual desire come together you are playing with a dangerous mixture and I would urge caution.

I guess one question to ask yourself is: "Would I be able to play the game "spin the bottle" without reservations?" If the answer is "Yes" then it would indicate that you really know yourself and have confidence in yourself regardless of which role you play. :)

A very interesting discussion. Most posters seem to experience a conflict of personalities depending on the way they are dressed. They think and act differently when in male or female attire. Some said that even from the early years they felt they are females.

My own position, as I expressed in several posts in other threads, is that I was brought up and always considered myself a male. Never wanted or wished to be a girl. When I started crossdressing on a regular basis it was fetishism and narcissism that drove me to it. I wanted to wear the clothes and especially lingerie that I found so alluring and exciting. I may have looked like a woman but I never thought of myself to be female always a male.

In time I became so accustomed to wearing skirts, nylons and lingerie that I began to hate to wear trousers and would removed them as soon as I got home from work and dress the way I felt more comfortable. Now, that I am semi-retired I can spend more time at home in skirts and stockings. I'm so male oriented that even in a skirt I wear as a top my old shirts that are no longer suitable for outside wear. Nobody can see me in them as I never present myself to the public. I feel much more comfortable dressed that way.

Even though I'm strictly "a guy in a skirt" I feel empathy and support those of you who want "to pass" as women. You put lots of effort and determination to achieve the look you desire. Even those who are transitioning get my empathy and I wish them well.

I would like to be able to go across the street to buy some items I need, without having to put trousers back on, but our society is not ready to accept an obvious male wearing a skirt. It's becoming more accepting of various vagaries of different segments of the population, but I don't think it is ready yet to accept crossdressers wandering the streets.

But fashions change and what was unacceptable and even weird 100 years ago is the norm now. Think of men wearing those ugly knee-length swim trunks and shirts to go swimming, never mind the women's attire. Definitely not "itsy-bitsy".

Perhaps the next generation or the one after will find crossdressing more acceptable, so some of the youngsters here may actually live to experience it.
But it will be too late for me.

Have a nice autumn in a week's time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ineke Vashon

As to "split personality", perhaps another look at some native Americans description of "Twin Spirits" might give some insight. Or peace.

Ineke

---

I can relate to this. A lot!

I sometimes feel like there really are two spirits in this body, his & mine. Luckily, they play well with each other. :D

The best thing you can do is take the advice of Wildabout and Salerba. You are who you are, and you should not let the opinions of anyone on this forum affect how you think or what you do. The labels do not matter, but your marriage does. It is what is most important in your life in the long run. To me, this forum is a place to discuss, debate and consider crossdressing in a general academic sort of context rather than the specifics of my own situation.

Veronica

It has become apparant to me after years of looking at information on the old www that there is no firm agreement on what determines if someone is merely a CD or is TG or whatever. To me it seems to be what is in that individuals mind, which mind set is it that they find themselves in. What is you want to be, a man who likes to wear womens clothes and perhaps at times get into the really female mindset (or at least as deeply as one can without true knowledge of what it is to actuallly be a woman), or do you really want to be a woman, stay woman and live that life. To me there is nothing wrong which ever alternative you select. It's you and what you are comfortable with that counts. I read here all the time just be who you are and I think that is the best advice one can get.

As for the muliple personality concept I think, at least for me that I have more than one personality. When I get dressed and I am in Sarah mode, I am different in so may ways from that male part of me. Although there are overlaps some things are just different.

I have learned so much since joining this forum not so long ago. Learned things about myself, about others who share this interest with me, and about life in general. One of the big things I have learned here is that this group is really as diverse as the general population in attitudes and oppinions. Does it make things a bit confusing? Of course it does. We are all different and need and want different things whle sharing commone needs and wants. You have to seperate the wheat from the chaff as they say and decide which bit of advice will work for you. It's not done without reflection and soul searching.

Hi Ellie,

I had always been a fetish based dresser but would have loved to have stayed dressed after, but the constant worry of being caught was always in my mind. 18 months ago I got caught by my wife and I am now free to express that desire (within boundaries) with the full knowledge of my wife. Strangely, or maybe not, the fetish side has mainly disappeared, but not totally :devil:.

I agree wholeheartedly with Wildaboutheels. You may need to discuss with your wife about your getting out in the real world, I love doing it, but it doesn't necessarily move to wanting to transition. Me and my parts are staying as one but only you know for yourself. I am me, a CD, a T-Girl by my own description, but these labels change nothing about me. I am unique, a one and only.......thank god says my wife! The world can't take 2.

If you need a good discussion (read argument) about labels and think you are confused now, post a view on what it is to be CD/TG/TS. You can then sit back and relax, have a ciggie, a cup of tea and wait for the bullets to fly :heehee:.

Rebecca

Hi Ellie,

I can only echo what some have said, you need to take time to discover who you are. While there is a lot of advice on the forum, it is only that . . . advice. Each of us have found our way (or are finding our way) and what works for some may not work for others. Don't feel pressured to come out, dress up or do things which you don't feel comfortable with.

As to the CD/TG/TS debate, I don't think we (the collective) will ever agree on a definition. Personally, I don't like labels as they hinder more than help. It is like we have a need to fall into a group and once you are there, you can't go back. Although I do like Reine's term "gender fluidity" as it leaves it open and not so restrictive.

As far as multiple personalities go, I would not be worried about that. There are very few actual documented cases of multiple personalities and unless you are waking up with chunks of time missing from your memory, you are fine. You are just wrestling with two halves of your personality (feminine and masculine).

If you have a good open dialogue with your wife on this subject, talk to her. She is closest to you and will be able to help you better than all the advice on this site can ever hope to do.

Hugs

Isha

The way it was described to me by a gender therapist (and which I accept as the definition personally) is that Transgender is a basic term for any expression or feeling that represents the opposite gender in which you are born. Cross dressing is the most common form of expression. Of course there are perhaps times where a person may cross dress due to purely entertainment reasons, or on a dare, losing a bet etc etc. And they get no personal satisfaction from it. Other than that, anyone who expresses themselves in a way opposite of what would be the "normal" gender expression and or thought or feeling would fit the category of TG.

I definitely feel that I fit the category of a transgender person. What I do to express my inner femininity is cross dressing, shaving my legs, underarms, hands and slightly grow my nails longer than "average" for males. Anyone though who does not consider themselves TG, I personally do not care. It works for me.

All I can say about this is, stop trying to define yourself as one thing, ignore that the world wants to put you into a box and put a label on you. One day you might feel mostly guy, the next, mostly girl. Don't try to define yourself as one thing. Be all of them, whenever you want to. It's something I could never get my ex wife to accept, that I was her normal male husband nearly all of the time, and only occasionally drifted into the female side. Remember, however, that nearly all women want their man to be male, and only male, 100% of the time. They reserve the gender fluidity for themselves.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ellie52

I would like some clarification if you could help me out. I have for the past 40yrs considered myself a crossdresser. By this I mean I wear women s clothes in preference to male. Only recently I have escalated this to wearing a wig and makeup. Am I still a crossdresser or transgendered.

---

I don’t see how putting on a wig and makeup suddenly “makes” you transgender(ed). Haven’t you simply put on a wig and makeup? I mean, when I first did that I had no such TG thoughts…

Quote:

---

Recently - since joining this forum, I have become very confused about things that used to be clear to me. I seem to be progressing towards something I dont really understand (or totally want) and its happening very fast. Eloise seems to be fighting to get out, and I dont know how to stop it. I love being Ellie, and I like being me but I am fighting a constant battle with myself.

---

Maybe you just have an alter ego – have you ever tried to “see” it that way? This forum seems to be in the business of confusing people, or maybe it highlights, or magnifies, any confusion that the crossdresser may feel. IMHO, you don’t have to be one thing or another, instead you can just crossdress to your heart’s content, and contemplate what it might mean, or not. It’s up to you. You’re in a confusing space anyway as a crossdresser, meaning there are no clear answers; indeed looking for answers will just paint your “self” into a corner. You’re not alone in your confusion, believe me…

Since joining this forum I’ve become LESS confused about a lot of things. Go figure. Any "battle" with myself was a mercifully brief (and uneventful) skirmish...
:idontknow:

edit:

Freaking necro'd post. Deleted.