Dressing in front of wife

Hey everyone

Just wanting to get your thoughts on the following. My wife does not know of my crossdressing, however she bought these winter pajama bottoms that felt so soft and I told her that and she said did I want some. I said " yes they feel like they would be so comfy rather than what I have. So she bought me some and I wear them. They are white with purple flowers on them and tie up with a purple ribbon. Do you think this is a sign that she would be fine with my crossdressing if I told her.

Hi Brooke. While a promising development I think you might be overly optimistic that this is the green light to full bore CD. If I were you, I would ask her if she finds it disturbing or alarming to see you wearing women's PJs. Emphasize "women's". See what she says. Then maybe mention that in addition to finding them very comfortable, that you also think it's a bit kinky and exciting to be wearing women's clothes, and that you like the way they look. Emphasis on "clothes", and "look". You'll be testing the waters and by her reaction you can gauge if she's open to anything more. Or she'll shut you down, and then you have to decide if you want risk revealing your desires anyway.

This is just an idea, my opinion on how I would approach it. I'm sure you'll get lots of other feedback.

Welcome to the forum and good luck,

Shibumi

No you're reading into it but it may be an opening to a long term ongoing dialogueon the subject

Thanks for your quick replies. I'm not thinking about just coming out fully to her, I realize it doesn't mean anything exactly. She did say to me one night when I had them on, " look at my crossdressing husband" and she had a smile on her face. I have come close to telling her about my crossdressing but I figure I will probably end up always keeping it to myself .

It could go the other way too. My wife (then girlfriend) thought my Halloween crossdressing was edgy and cool until I told her I really was a crossdresser. Then her view of it totally changed and not for the better. We did get through it though.

There was a long thread yesterday voicing both sides of this subject --- Do I tell? Do I hide? Is it a lie or is it a sin of omission? It boiled down to
"circumstances" that vary widely. Rather than go into the details that you'll find for yourself on this Forum, consider: How long have you been married?; Are there children? If you were to test the waters for acceptance that may take years to accomplish --- are there work place factore or close family -her's and your's - to consider? Early acceptance by an SO, be it partially, with reservations or compromises of boundaries - all come into play. Consider too that CDing is not a new inclination for you but will be a sudden revelation to the spouse that may take time to wrap her mind around this new persona of a person that was not the one she had married.
The fact that she used the word "crossdressing" may or may not mean that she knows anything about the varities and degrees practiced --- the buzz word you will hear on this Forum is "slowly" --- take it very slowly as you test the waters. More than 55 years ago my then new wife bought two pairs of PJs for the cold winter nights in Albany, NY, when I first went to work for Montgomery Wards. Within a week I outed myself to her. Likely she thought it was a passing phase as CDing was a little known topic in the 1950s. Nevertheless, though I underdressed most of the time for the following 50 plus years there was no further discussion --- it was DADT for all that time. My fault for not communicating better? Of course!
\Julie

maybe suggest something alone the lines of wearing panties or something like that and see how she reacts? What do you all think would that work?

Every situation is different. How your wife will react is only known when it happens. Most women (my wife being one) would prefer not. But many will accept and some will enjoy it. One of the bad things about wives finding out is that they then wonder what else you may be hiding.

I'm still in the closet with my wife. She has not responded favorable to my hints or attempts to bring up related topics. That said, I think things look promising for you, but as said above, there is no guarantee, and you must proceed slowly. I wish you the best of luck, and look forward to hearing how it goes.

For me, honestly is best policy, yet i recommend slow developments, maybe ask if there is a matching top, or ask for her opinion if you could try on some warm panty hose in the winter

She has let me wear her tights before, I was working in a cold area and my thermals were in the wash so she took out her tights and told me to wear them.

No. It's not a sign. A sign would be her asking if you cross dress. Women don't think about cross dressing.

And let me add that you can not hint your way in to disclosure. If you want to tell her, and I recommend you do, do it once, do it prepared, and do it sincerely with nothing held back.

No it is not a sign. You have made some inroads there but wear the whole ensemble in the winter and let her get used to your appearance of pink bunny rabbits running all over you.
I started to wear satin pajamas many years ago, it only took two more years to make further inroads.

As CDers we tend to come across as devious and boundary pushers, so one option would be to move slowly and if you see her in something nice - reply by asking her if you could borrow it (leggings, t-shirt tops, mascara, eventually blouse or skirt) and work up to fully dressed without a wig. She will probably ask you at some stage if your interested in cross dressing so a YES, followed with "are you gay?"

Or option 2, just say how lovely she looks and you wish you had the opportunity to be dressed to look so beautiful.
Or option 3, just tell her you like to dress in womens clothes (and duck, because she will feel the years of your hidden secret)

Or option 4, "accidently" discover a web page like mine or the many others, and ask her opinion on the subject

Thanks again for all your suggestions and tips so far. I agree with taking it slowly and as I said before I'm not sure if I will ever find the courage to tell her. It would be great if she knew but I can also just continue hiding it, like I have since I started 15 years ago at the age of 11.

This sounds quite familiar. A few months ago, we bought my wife new underwear. When we got in, I asked her to model it for me. She told me to go first. I made it known when I put them on how nice they felt. She bought me my own the next day! (I didn't like to tell her I already had more than she did)

I first dressed in front of my fiancee the same night I told her...but I did ask her first. Her first comment was, "I'm jealous, you look more feminine than I do!" :)

She has no problems seeing me as Amy; in fact, she likes to see how Amy is dressed once my transformation is complete, especially if I'm going out. Just today, I received a shipment of two dresses I'd ordered, one for her, one for me. I showed her the one I got her, and she went, "Yay!" Then I came out to the living room modeling the one I got for me, and she said, "Oh, that's really nice!"

- Amy

Hello,
My wife asked me to dress. She was afraid to ask at first so she tested the waters with asking me to wear her panties and making little comments. It has progressed to completely dressing (dresses, heels, stockings, wig, etc.). I asked her why she likes me to dress. She said it really turns her on. She likes the look of a masculine, muscular man in women's clothes.

Well at least you know that she is not afraid of the word " Cross dressing " but at the moment it is anyone's guess as to how far she would be willing to let you go with it , maybe you could just ask " What do you think about a matching top to go with the bottoms" and see what she has to say about it , maybe emphasize the fact that you like them so much because she bought them for you .

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Originally Posted by Tgsara

maybe suggest something alone the lines of wearing panties or something like that and see how she reacts? What do you all think would that work?

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I liked Sara's idea. One day, pick up a pair of her panties, tell her how you think they would feel much better that yours, and ask her if you can try them on. It might be a great start.

its not a sign in and of itself of anything other than what it is. A wife who is happy to provide you with comfy jammie bottoms. Don't attempt to read more into it.

Before we get off on another endless debate about whether or not to tell your wife, my question is "Do you want to tell your wife that you are a cross dresser?" Think about that question very seriously. After you've weighed out the pros and cons of telling her, and if you decide its something you want to do, then you need to think about how to tell her. There are a number of good resources here for that very thing.

Hi Brooke, I suspect that your wife is probably as young as you are,
She may not have as many negative thoughts about crossdressing
But be prepared for what may happen.

Tell her you like her 4" heels and see if she buys some for you

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Originally Posted by Rachelakld

followed with "are you gay?"

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That is the the first thing my wife asked me. :)

Thanks again for all the responses, it's nice to have someone to talk to about all of this. I always hope that something will come up about guys crossdressing just so I can ask her what she would think if I did it. I am to scared to open up this side of my life to her.

She may be fine with you wearing the female pyjamas she bought for you, but the whole "I'm a crossdresser" discussion is a completely different kettle of fish. She is obviously OK with you wearing femme clothing around the home, but how will she react to hearing that you have been hiding a secret from her may be very different.

Crossdressing may not be a problem for many wives, but deceit is always a problem for all wives.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

its not a sign in and of itself of anything other than what it is. A wife who is happy to provide you with comfy jammie bottoms. Don't attempt to read more into it.

Before we get off on another endless debate about whether or not to tell your wife, my question is "Do you want to tell your wife that you are a cross dresser?" Think about that question very seriously. After you've weighed out the pros and cons of telling her, and if you decide its something you want to do, then you need to think about how to tell her. There are a number of good resources here for that very thing.

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Agree totally on this point . . . Do you want to tell her? If you think this is an opening and go about with slight hints to test the water you may inadvertently paint yourself in a corner and have to "out" yourself. At this juncture you have to be prepared for the fallout (good and bad). I would recommend you read a few of the posts and resources available about coming out and all that goes with it before you make that decision. But in the end, only you can make that decision because it is monumental and cannot be undone.

However, sometimes pyjamas are just that pyjamas and not an invitation to "hey are you a cross dresser?" :)

Hugs

Isha

It's not a sign that she would be fine with your crossdressing but it's a start in the right direction. See if she will buy you some more "female" things. Try to find a way to try on her panties or bra in front of her, then comment on how nice they feel.

That's pretty much the way I did it..

I like Shibumi's suggestions in post #2. That's pretty much how I came out to my wife, by testing the water and easing forward (after she mentioned CDing in an article she was reading), ready to shut it down if the reaction was negative, But it was all positive. I think you need to be cautious. There's a big difference between a wife's acceptance of CDing and having no problem with wearing girly things to bed for comfort.

Thanks for the support, this seems like the place to be for myself to feel more positive about myself. I have always waited for the opportunity to ask her about me crossdressing if it comes up in conversation about someone else but it just never has.

I dont know, Brooke. I'm supportive of my SO 110%, but this is because I was told the truth from the beginning. I'm putting myself in your wife's shoes. I would not be pleased if my SO used ruses to wear female clothes, and then I found out that s/he was a CDer. I'd feel kinda used.

If you don't plan on telling her ever (if you don't think it will escalate in your middle age as it does with many CDers), then I'd stay away from telling her that you like to wear female PJs and tights, under false pretexts. If you do think it will escalate, it's your call on when to tell her. There are stories of disastrous results when wives find out on their own.

We've had a lot of threads about telling vs. not telling lately and I just want to say that my opinion is not a reprimand over not telling. It is a warning though, should your wife find out without you telling her.

As to whether your wife would be OK with the CDing, I can say that a great many wives do not run for the hills. There are varying levels of support though. And there are wives who threaten divorce, but IMO this happens when:

a) they think that their husbands want to be women, or
b) when the husbands are not considerate of their wives' feelings given the news is brand new to them, and they don't give time for their wives to adjust.

I agree with most. Please do not take that as a sign to go all the way. Take your time. I think most of us have been through that struggle period, where you were dying inside to show and tell. No matter how anxious you get, please remember to take your time. It's an adjustment for the both of you. trust. I think I read on here that starting off with discussing the possibility of wearing panties is a start. I wish you the best.

My breasts arent big enough yet, but i want them to get big enough that my wife will ask me if i want to wear a bra. That will give me the opening i need to talk about crossdressing. Esther

I started with shaving my legs and under arms after a month or two I purchased panties 3 of them for me and put them in my drawer started to wear them did not hid this. She asked what was up I told here I was not gay did not want to be with another person I was here lover and I was a crossdresser it was very hard to tell her that I like it for me. I have not fully dressed in front of her one thing at a time slow steps but moving the line forward
I have not shone my wig shoes dresses and makeup to her yet so she has time to adjust and know you still love her.
I worried over what my SO would do and it is still work in progress but I am not going back, do not shock you wife all dressed and made up to much to explain Make a plan Don't make a surprise and love her with all your heart

I have a different POV as I am the wife of a crossdresser. While my husband has been open and honest with me since day one, I am also very accepting which I get that not all women are. It does seem to me that your wife is at least comfortable talking about the generalities of crossdressing, which is a good sign. I would see how she would react to the idea of panties or heels or something, making clear that you are not just goofing around but that you find the items comfortable and enjoyable. If she seems comfortable with that then I would tell her.

I am a fan of being as honest as possible with your partner. If you are planning on ever telling her the sooner you tell her the better.

Brooke, only you will know if and when it is right to tell your wife. There are no hard and fast rules to follow that will tell you. Just stay open with her in all conversations, and do not shy away from discussing news items that deal with the LGBT.

Just know that being intellectually supportive of the LGBT, and even TG specifically is no guarantee she will be able to handle the emotional support. Two totally radically different things. When i first realized who I was, I told my wife within three months. We had been married 41 years at that time, and two years later, after total support, tons of tears, DADT, she has just now felt comfortable enough to sit and talk with me while I was dressed to go out to a TG support meeting.

It took two years. I still do not dress around the house, although we agree i can wear a blouse, jeans, and flats. We have boundaries, and you must realize you realize that once you come out, you are tacitly agreeing that her boundaries are now yours.

Keep the communications open during this time, and do not hesitate to discuss everything. Only by doing this will you be able to feel when the time to come out is appropriate.

Barbara

I tpold my wife of my deire to dress and she was extremely upset but later that day she "made" me dress really getting into the whole experience,then later when I got my own clothes,make-up,shoes and hair she wanted nothing to do with it and always found something else to do when I dressed acting very hurt and upset so I stopped dressing around her.When we would discuss it she would say it wasn't a problem but I knew better by her behaviour.
Lisa

I think you are being overly optimistic. I'd ask her what she thinks of you wearing women's flowered pajama bottoms, and then see how she responds. This will give you an idea as to whether or not to go further with the conversation. Eventually you should tell her though....Good luck.
DoDo

You have mentioned only the pajama bottoms that you and your wife both wear. What feminine top does she wear along with her PJ bottoms? Quite possibly there is a soft, comfortable & feminine pajama top that matches or coordinates with the bottoms. If your wife wears such a top, pose an innocent sounding question of her as to whether or not the top is as comfortable to sleep in as the bottoms are? Perhaps she might again surprise you the following day with a feminine PJ top of your own! This to me is the most logical next step to explore.

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Originally Posted by Shibumi

Hi Brooke. While a promising development I think you might be overly optimistic that this is the green light to full bore CD. If I were you, I would ask her if she finds it disturbing or alarming to see you wearing women's PJs. Emphasize "women's". See what she says. Then maybe mention that in addition to finding them very comfortable, that you also think it's a bit kinky and exciting to be wearing women's clothes, and that you like the way they look. Emphasis on "clothes", and "look". You'll be testing the waters and by her reaction you can gauge if she's open to anything more. Or she'll shut you down, and then you have to decide if you want risk revealing your desires anyway.

This is just an idea, my opinion on how I would approach it. I'm sure you'll get lots of other feedback.

Welcome to the forum and good luck,

Shibumi

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I think the above is really good advice.

There is no way for any of us to give you the correct answer about telling your wife, but as said earlier - honesty is the best policy. If you have been dressing for any length of time while married to her, the odds are that she suspects or may even know because it is something that is very hard to hide from a spouse. I wish you luck.

There may be too much wishful thinking on your part. From her comments she may indeed be aware of your cross dressing, but, you do not know for sure. Her buying you a feminine PJ does not infer approval. It may just mean she realizes the material is a lot more comfortable than store bought male PJ's. My wife has made the entire family soft cuddly PJ pants in cami pattern. That does not make everyone a hunter or a Navy seal.

Years ago, well really decades ago, my wife and I engaged in lingerie bedroom play. That included buying peignoirs and long nylon gowns and stockings with a garter belt for me to wear in bed. Of course, it was a turn on. Of course, she wanted activity that did not include what would have been considered at the time no more than a fetish.

When we BOTH realized there was more to my desire for the soft and slinky feel of nylon on my body, i.e., wearing slips, panties and bras, that she turned off. She was not and has not over thirty plus years accepted cross dressing. Cross dressing in her mind is a lot further along the spectrum than "bedroom play."

Your wife probably knows tights offer more warmth than having nothing to guard against the cold.
Your wife probably knows soft warm cuddly polar fleece feels better than male PJ's.

You'll never know until you raise the subject directly or expand on one of her "suggestive" comments.

Its looks like a green light. But I would still proceed with caution. Daviolin