Q for the MisFits

Those that for one reason or another... only "dress" partially and leave home and go about their business that way. [giving CDers of all varieties a "bad name or image" according to some of the herd that water here]

It's fairly easy to guess, that many here do so, but are more than happy to usually just read threads.

Since many here are always asking WHY would any man do such a thing, here are a few possible answers that are kicked about from time to time that might speak to you or feel free to throw more in.

1] I could never "pass" in a million years, so I am not going to bother. [with wigs, makeup etc.]

2] I just like the clothes and/or I have NO need/desire to pass as a woman.

3] I am trying to start a new fashion trend.

4] I don't care what people think or worry if they will approve or not.

5] I realize there IS NO WAY TO TELL whether one passed or not, so why bother spending hours trying.

6] ???

I think for six.

"I have tossed in the towel and now I make the most of a bad deal."

It's not for me I was luckier, but I feel for those that lost the draw.

Since I don't consider myself a "misfit", I guess I won't answer this one.:)

Yes, I feel exactly that way at times, thus 30 posts in a number of years. I read all the time, and perhaps feel that I don't try to be one or another gender. I feel I am gender fluid in my way of thinking. I never think "I am a man in a dress," or "I am pretending to be a woman." I realize the world at large does not think this way, and thus I do often feel like a MISfit!
My number 6 would be; I would like to be complimented that I look good in a skirt, not because I am a woman or a man in particular, just simply because I worked hard to actually look good in a skirt!

I'm not a misfit and usually I do dress all out. Yes there are times when I do dress partially, a) Because I want to wear what I am wearing, b) I don't care what others think.
As far as passing when I do dress fully, whether I pass or not is irrelevant, but at least I have people comment that I look good and at least put in the effort.

I think if someone has that level of comfort with themselves, where they can just go out and go about their business without any concern about what others may think, I think that should be applauded, not condemned. Who the hell does anyone think they are to tell someone how they should or should not present themselves if it isn't affecting anyone else in even the least way?

I go out partially dressed all the time and when I do go out fully dressed I still go out without a wig, I'm going for the sexy bald chick look. There is no right way or wrong way to cross dress, wear what you feel like wearing. I do usually check with the wife first before going out, she is under strict instructions not to let me go out looking foolish.

I go out fully dressed under and over, If anyone whom i meet cant 'deal' with their social indoctrinated hangups ..then that's their issue not mine

1] I could never "pass" in a million years, so I am not going to bother. [with wigs, makeup etc.]This was how I used to think about it. As of now, it's what stops me experimenting with full dressing. That, and I feel much less curiosity about it now.

2] I just like the clothes and/or I have NO need/desire to pass as a woman.This. I like skirts, I like stockings and thigh highs, I get annoyed at the fact that I feel uninhibited about wearing them in public. I like colours. I like showing off. I am not trying to copy a female figure, and am trying to refine a sense of style that works for me as a man.

3] I am trying to start a new fashion trend. See above, though I have a slight allergy to the word "Fashion"

4] I don't care what people think or worry if they will approve or not. Working on this.

5] I realize there IS NO WAY TO TELL whether one passed or not, so why bother spending hours trying. Understand this, but doesn't really apply.

I'll willingly identify as one of these misfits, but I'll refer to it as being a "MissFit". I'm not inclined to partake in the battle to pass and perfect my feminine illusion to that extreme. I do shave and pluck more as a matter of a neat appearance than a need to be feminine. I underdress, wear skirts and dresses, women's blouses, tights, pantyhose, heels, etc. I feel comfortable in them, adore feminine fashion, the colors and textures. I also feel better about myself when dressed like this. I don't feel like a woman, I've never felt like I was born in the wrong gendered body. I know I don't much like my body; I've been fighting a propensity for being overweight, now successfully, but I'll always be 6'4", broad-shouldered, big-footed, heavy framed, and somewhat troll-like.

I know my crossdressing is related to my body image issues, and I've learned to be happy with what I've got and choose to embellish it in pretty things when I have the opportunity. One of the things holding me back from opening up to my family, friends and community (and even the cd/ts/g/l/b... community) is the non-typical nature of my gender non-compliance. We've got many gay and lesbian people in our lives who are all loved, respected and valued, and to an extent, understood, thanks to the increasing social awareness and education on the cut-and-dry end of the gender world. My situation seems like it needs so much explaining and hand waving. Within my family and community, It seems like it would be easier for me to say I'm gay and be welcome rather than try to explain my dazzling gray area. That even within the Tg/Ts/Cd community there are also people likely to be put off by my odd flavor doesn't help.

The good part is that I've found a comfortable level of private expression that keeps me sane. I'd love to be open about it, love to not need to keep secrets. More so, I'd love to not have this self-imposed block against intimacy. I don't feel like I can allow people to get close enough to me to require telling them about this. But I've adapted and learned to let good enough be good enough.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

Those that for one reason or another... only "dress" partially and leave home and go about their business that way....

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1] I could never "pass" in a million years, so I am not going to bother. [with wigs, makeup etc.]

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That's one reason. I'd rather do a good job of presenting as myself than a bad job of presenting as "a woman."

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2] I just like the clothes and/or I have NO need/desire to pass as a woman.

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I don't just like the clothes: the clothes are an expression in some way of who I am. I want to be who I am, not pass for somebody else. And who I am is evidently neither an ANSI standard man nor an ANSI standard woman.

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4] I don't care what people think or worry if they will approve or not.

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I actually care a lot. I'm chronically afraid I'm going to be rejected. It's just that at some point, being myself (and figuring out who "myself" is) became more important. I don't want to realize on my deathbed that I've never actually lived my own life. Every time I go into a new situation, it's a huge conflict: do I dress as "me", or do I go in male drag? Or somewhere in between?

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6] ???

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How about: it's as close as I can come to expressing who I am by how I dress. Who I am doesn't have make-up on, or a wig, or fake boobs. (Or a luxurious head of hair :( )

Like the line "if I could say it, I wouldn't have to dance it," if I could express it in some other way, I might not need to dress.

I have mixed feelings on this as I have stated in the past. As a person that does outreach work for the UU church,I respect and meet people from all parts of the LGBTQ community at functions.I respect your right to present as "gender queer" as you wish as that should always be your right as a human being. However,I was at a local HRO[Human Rights Ordinance] hearing this past Monday night and was interviewed by a television crew.The three of us Transwomen present,were all presenting our best,and were interviewed individually. I am glad that there were no GQ's or GF'ers for the camera to find. Your right to be,but that's not me.

I honestly don't perceive myself as a misfit, and I make a diligent effort to present fully and convincingly as a woman. Now, what other people see may be a misfit...can't say and don't let it bother me.

I could fall under all those options I suppose being a fetish dresser.. But I dress for different reasons and because of those reasons I do not dare "GO OUT" .. Plain feminine clothing is not for me at all even mixed with male clothing.. As much as I try to pass( the mirror lies for me ) I will never take dressing outside of my home..My choice of feminine clothing is way too appealing ,my shoulders are too broad,my chin is too defined,at 6'2" ( I hate heels ) I stand out a bit and my hands and hairy arms are a dead give away( I refuse to shave them)..

But I have to ask Do you think your style falls under the T.G. spectrum or even the umbrella?

Lucy, Q,GQ,GF are all part of the spectrum..."Metrosexual" is sometimes used to describe certain looks by the young people..

I went out and passed in my 20s. While I enjoyed the excitement of being enfem and even playing dating as a girl (my date knew, long story). I soon discovered that I liked being a guy and girls. I also discovered that I liked the clothes and could enjoy them as a guy. Overtime I developed a style that suited me and with age my features changed and I was no longer the pretty girl people had talked about. But as society had changed and wearing fem clothes became acceptable to more in society. For most days people never notice what I have on. Those that do accept I'm weird or what ever. Most women friends accept that I wear what I like and I'm not dressed outrageous to call attention.

I don't see any difference in being partially dressed or being in full fem and not passing. Very few males can truly pass as a female. Society has become very tolerant.

Oh, I'm certainly a misfit! I don't fit in with society's idea of gender norms and I don't really fit in with the majority of the posters here, either. But that's OK, the rules of the forum don't require that I follow the majority of even the exquisite minority of the population that people who term themselves cross dressers or transgender actually are. And this is really the reason that I don't actually fit with any of the first 5 categories that wildaboutheels suggests. I don't appear, at least to myself, to be label able (that should be one word but the spell checker doesn't like it). I think labels are fine for you. Use them as much as you like. I hope they help you sleep at night! Label me, if you like, but you should know that the label won't actually describe me any more than any noun really actually describes anything. We are all much more than words. We are not only unique individuals, we are uniquely gendered. I am neither fish nor fowl, but something in between, and that something is a moving target. I can't tell you what that is because I can't freeze the process of becoming into became. If you can, and that brings you peace, happiness and a feeling of self worth, why more power to you. For me labels feel like a suffocating trap that bring me nothing but anguish. The great revelation I've had is that I am so much happier without them. But I do understand how important they are for most people and how they can generate feelings of belonging and community. They just don't for me.

I guess my take is I may be somewhat a misfit I mean there are times I very much enjoy mixing clothes and not presenting as female with my face and all and for me it's ok. I'm a guy after all and don't have that need to be and act as a women. I just love women's clothes and enjoy wearing them in either mode. We all have different taste in this area and I think it's what makes us all unique. I just don't have the time to work on my presentation like many here do. I would love to have that kind of time but just don't so I do my best with what I have

Misfit is kinda a harsh word....no ? If you go out or not...just enjoy yourself....I understand those living in rural areas may have a lower acceptance rate, and limited opportunities...where as those living in more accepting urban areas live SF,NY,Miami.....so I can see why some girls here are so worried. Just have fun with it either way..accept yourself...and enjoy it

Hey Wildaboutheels, thanks for your contribution, BUT, I'm sorry that you feel the need to "label" some of us.
I, myself do try to pass each time I dress.
I completely agree with Adriana. If someone is happy, having a good time, not hurting anyone, let them be and enjoy them for who they are.

I'm with Kate.

6] I enjoy shocking and disgusting strangers. I am an "in your face" kind of guy. I have a need to call attention to myself and have found that going out as a "dude in a dress" is a good way to do this.

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys.
Misfit and proud of it, I was a misfit long before I was a cross dresser.
I also consider myself a "square peg". I was one of the "stoners" in HS.

I guess I really AM a misfit? Because I don't go out "partially dressed". Nor do I relate to any of your listed statements, Wild.

I especially disagree with #5. As someone who HAS passed. But, only on Halloween. If u don't know whether or not you've passed? You passed! People treat u differently if they perceive u as female. As opposed to a man in a dress. Or as a, "what's that"?

Here we go again trying to put people in a box so no comment.

I hope it is becoming obvious, thanks to some of the MisFits who have weighed in.

SOME folks want, need and desire a label of some sort. Having and using some set of letters arranged in some certain sequence [that even the EXPERTS don't agree on] allows people to fit in. And/OR for the drug companies to market some sort of magical pill to "cure" or combat the "illness". [This happens all the time in today's world. Most magazines now - with very few exceptions - are filled with drug ads] Other folks neither need or want a label of any kind. Or care what other people call them. There is no right or wrong when it comes to labels. Any man who has ever spent any time at all on a Dating Forum will realize that there are TONS of ladies who think it "cool" to be referred to as a "$lut". Doesn't mean they ARE one or want to be one. Other ladies actually LIKE the C word.

One thing we can ALL agree on. ALL CDers are Humans and we all have the right to dress as we want and or present as we want should we choose to leave our houses unconventionally attired. As long as we are not breaking any laws.

It's NOT possible to know what others are THINKING. It's NOT possible to know if one passed. Translated this means to wear what you want and present as you want and simply treat folks right. Nothing magical about it.

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Originally Posted by linda allen

6] I enjoy shocking and disgusting strangers. I am an "in your face" kind of guy. I have a need to call attention to myself and have found that going out as a "dude in a dress" is a good way to do this.

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At first I found this to be a bit pithy and arrogant, but actually it is quite perfect. You are teaching by example. While some of us feel like MISfits because we feel misunderstood or ostracized, even on this supposedly open minded support forum, it is hard to explain our position clearly. Here, you have done that for us. You have validated this thread.
By the way, your post "presents" very manly indeed!

When a woman wears men's clothing she is not trying to be accepted as a man. So why do men think that when they wear women's clothes that they have to pass as a woman?

I think men should be free from the tyranny of trousers.