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You brave and open girls that have totally come out about your cross-dressing and female sides to everyone (not just your SO's), what was the reaction of your best male buddies and friends? I think I would fear that part the most, since like many I still dress in secret, but someday . . .
and I must say I am in awe of y'all that have done so.
THX!
-Annie
Hi Annie,
I have come out to several female friends with no issues and to several male friends with mixed responses. For the males, I have only chosen very close friends whom I can trust to not spread rumours/garbage should they not agree. My male "buddies" for the most part while a bit "shocked . . . never saw that coming dude" never really batted an eye. We still get together and hang out "en boy". Will they ever go out with me when I am "en femme" not likely although they have all seen pictures of me dressed (they were curious as to what I look like as a girl . . . most said would not have recognized you if I walked by you.
The only experience that was shocking and saddening was my very best friend. We shared a lot together as we joined the military at the same time, gravitated to the same units and were together on several combat missions in Afghanistan. He saved my bacon on more than one occasion and I pulled him out of a firefight after he had been wounded, taking a through and through to my left side in the process. We recuperated in the same hospital, and I am/was the godfather of his daughter. When I told him, he freaked and cut off all contact with me and demanded that I never talk to his family. I was sad but it is what it is and I have to respect his feelings and hope someday he will come around.
Hugs
Isha
I wont let my male friends know....EVER...just my thing I guess no need to.......they probably already know though...cause most my female friends know already.
Something similar to isha...my very very bestie friend for 30 years cut me off! Broke my heart.........but I still love him....
Ms. G
I honestly don't ever plan on telling my male friends. at least not the ones that live
close to home. I do have friends that I met thru here that do know, but that is different.
the other male friends that I have don't need to know for any reason that I can think of. :thinking:
When i told my best friend, he and i were in the same unit in the army, he cut off all communication. After a year, we reconnected. He and his wife are coming to my wedding in June.
When I told my best friend he was totally cool with it. My wife and I told him and his wife at the same time. His wife thought I was joking at first. She just could not picture it she said. So I busted out a pic on my phone. I found that all the people that really matter to me are the ones that have been cool with it. The only people that have been put off by my dressing are ones that do not mean that much to me. So it has worked out well for me thank goodness.
Thanks for sharing those stories! Some are quite touching and some sad. You are all so sweet to be so honest. My reaction thinking about all of your individual ways of coping with this, is, if I were ever able to "come-out" (although I hate that term), and dress openly frequently in public. I couldn't just come out to some and not others. I would have to throw myself completely out there and open up my feminine nature to everyone, SO, friends, family, co-workers alike. My gosh, that would be a big deal, and would probably hurt some people in the process. So for now I remain closeted (not another of my favorite words), since I don't have the courage to do that latter. I have only been on this forum a short time, but y'all have so helped me mentally and emotionally. So it least I can "come-out" virtually here. It is wonderfully to be able to discuss my feelings openly with other CD's, and GG's too. I couldn't imagine having these kinds of discussions about our deep feelings with men out there in the "real world". Men's conversation's and discussions are mostly terrible (myself included when I'm involved with one), that's why I much prefer talking with women where I usually reveal a lot more of myself. It is refreshing to do this with you guys(girls) here! Thank you so much!!
My very best friend of >50 years has embraced religion to light his path. We talk on the phone and solve the world's problems 4-5 times a week. It's just so amusing to hear the rants about 'those damn homosexuals' that are ruining mankind. I'm sure if I disclosed my CDing to him he'd be alright about still having me as a friend. (BTW, I'm just not gay, really!) But, I don't push it. He's one of those people that gets to stay home all day while the wife goes to work. I suggested once that he try on her clothes adding, "I know I would!" We both had a laugh. I might let him know about Carla someday but, not right yet. Damn! Home all day while wifey is at work. I would so be the live in maid!
When I was out I really was out and as long as I was not playing up to my male friends they thought it intriguing that I had such an entourage af girls tailing me, especially when dressed. My populatity lay in the fact I could find a girlfriend for them.
I was the mix and match expert. :)
When I transitioned the one person I thought would deny my existence became my biggest defender. The one person whom I thought would have absolutely no problem (since his is gay) never spoke to me again...
go figure
When I told my best friend, he looked at me with this really weird-mad look on his face. He accused me of snooping through his stuff and making fun of him! Turned out.... He was also a CD!! We had a huge laugh and it made living together a lot more relaxing since we could both dress whenever!
That's a really cool story jaye_cd! So nice how it turned out. I am willing to bet that a whole lot more males have done some form of cross-dressing, trying on one piece of girly clothing, or it least wondering what is like to be female than they let on- I'm sure a lot more then the percentages the surveys indicate. Can you imagine having that conversation with a bunch of your guy friends during half-time of a football game discussing how natural it might be female or admit that is at least a slight part of you? - Funny!
I've told a few mates and they've been fine so far. I was talking to a couple of guys yesterday about buying a new dress for a wedding I've been invited to! They were okay with it.
All of my close friends (male and female) know and/or have seen me and hung out with me while I was Rebecca (my girl name). Basically, everyone in my study program knows. Even a few family members know. I've been to a few house parties dressed up and had a blast. The only thing I'm struggling with if whether or not to tell the very few guys who like me as a guy.
Somebody in my life who can't or won't accept me the way that I am....I wouldn't have it.
A very select few of my male friends know about my predilection and they are all OK with it. In fact, one guy I've known for years has actually encouraged me through some pretty tough times lately. It has helped me discover who my true friends are. I did have a similar reaction from a very close friend to what Isha described--and it saddens me that someone you trusted with your life can't accept you the way you are. Lots of people we all know are never going to be able to understand us, much less accept us. In those cases we just have to shake off the dust and move on.
I told one good male friend when I was about 16 or 17. I don't know if he was my best friend. Back then, we were all pretty much best friends. There were about 5 of us. After high school, we pretty much all went our separate ways. I'm pretty sure the friend I confided in told everyone else. Funny thing is that I haven't had any contact with any of the friends I had in high school. They all still live in the area, too. The friend I told ended up getting married and having a couple kids. I haven't heard from him in nearly 30 years. I wonder if my telling him I was a CD had anything to do with it. You know how people think that we're all perverts, etc. I wonder if he just didn't want to take a chance and have me around his kids. He's the only one I ever told point blank, except for an ex-girlfriend, also back in high school, who broke up with me right away. So, no, I haven't had any good responses from telling anyone.
For me, I plan on transitioning here in the next month or so depending on how long it takes to get "approved" so to speak. Because of that, I am open to everyone and if they don't like it, they don't have to be friends with me.
The responses I've gotten from my male friends range from: Dude, I couldnt care less what you look like guy or girl. You'll always be my friend unless you like steal my gf or something like that...in which case, that's grounds for friendship termination. To: Hey that's awesome! My uncle is just finishing up the final stages of her transition. We now call her Auntuncle Jenny. It's totally awesome and I'm really happy for you...I really mean that dude.
So basically, all of my friends guy or girl have been 100% accepting and supportive. Now if only my ex and parents had the same acceptance level. My ex brother in law who is also amazingly accepting and supportive told me one time... "if we could choose our family, they would be called friends." Really thinking about that, it makes total sense. True friends will accept you no matter what and will always be there for you. Family are people who, whether accepting or not, are those you are stuck with and are not always considered friends. I have a great circle of supportive friends who I wouldn't trade for the world. I love them all to death and think they are all 100% amazing!
My male friends have to be figuring it out. They get a great laugh at my shoes and ny toenails. DUH!!! My wife says "When are you going to come downstrairs with your boobs on? " and she is right . just turned 56, want to be who I am. Soon!
no need to tell those guys. But I think some of them already know. I certainly dont mind if strangers see me dressed,
since I do go out every saturday night, but not any of my male buddies. That would probably be asking too much,
both of myself and of them..
ps: never wear red or pink color stay lipstick on saturday if you plan on watching the football game with the guys
on sunday, lol...dana
One of my old band mates knows because his wife told him.Lets say he is still a homophobe and not very close of a friend anymore.His wife is a friend on my female FB page and we chat a few days a month.She is very supportive and has no problems with thinking of me as a GF.
I see no sense in telling any guys I know at this time altho I think they know I'm a bit different.
You know how guys talk about boobs and asses all the time but around me they never bring up the usual male sex banter.
Do the band members I work for think I'm gay and just not talk sex stuff in front of me? Yeah maybe they do I don't know.
one of my friends said that it didnt surprise them. they accept me and even have bought me heels.
I came out as TG to one of my best friends who is gay (figured correctly that he would be accepting.), and he in turn "outed" me to my other best friend who is the typical "man's man"... I was absolutely terrified to say anything to him, since he was the one I did almost everything with since second grade or so, so obviously I went into full on "oh sh**, defcon 4 mode" when I found out he had been told. ...seeing him that first time after knowing that he knew was awkward at first... then he said he didn't care a bit, but it would be weird if I ever "grew tits, because he couldn't not look at boobs." ...we shared a laugh, a couple of drinks, and a totally candid conversation about everything. He is so awesome.
Very mixed, I have very little contact with guys I used to know, save for one or two.
The reception from my female friends has been amazing though, we're closer than ever and share so much more not.
A x
very mixed feelings... from getting beat, to wanting to double. it's a relief now that they know.
One friend found out by accident and has been amazing about it even offering to go out with me.
I'm in the process of building up the courage/waiting for the right time to tell my very best friend. I'm 90% sure nothing will change except a few jokes about me. He's caught me with eye makeup remover in the bathroom when we lived together and found a "world of wigs" box on our front porch. Since then, we've only gotten closer. I don't drink beer, so the other night we were out and he orders a beer and a red wine for me. He tells the bartender "I'll have a beer, and a wine for the lady" and points at me. I thought it was hilarious and made me fell like he would still love me if he knew. He's a very liberal thinker, has gay friends and has even been spotted on Facebook at a drag show. I think he just means so much to me that I've been scared it would change our relationship. But I'm going to make it a priority to tell him in 2014.
I'm a macho kind of guy when I dress that way. Biker, blacksmith, construction, builder.... I have many interests and things that I like to do and crossdressing is only a smallish part of my life but an important part. Perhaps all these manly pursuits are part of the denial phase of this whole crossdressing thing that I love. Who would I tell? How would I tell them? Why would I tell them has not even come up yet. So far my wife and I are happy with our life and I don't see me coming out any time soon. Town is too small and small minded I think. But everyone knows I'm not into sports or anything like that. I do speak up for gay rights, crossdressers, minorities and other people who are different than "normal" guys so perhaps the guys I hang with are more broad minded than I give them credit for. I do worry about Isha's sort of total cut off from people who have been important in my life for years. Thank goodness for this forum where these issues can be brought up and discussed.
I never told my male best friend who and what I am. He once made the comment to me "...if only you were a girl.", as he was complaining about having difficulty finding a girlfriend. I was afraid if he ever saw me dressed he would be all over me. I had instances like that in the past where male friends have seen me partially dressed and have tried to be with me. Plus he was a guy friend, so it is not like I wanted to go shopping with him, speak about fashion or go to the local CD clubs with.
He did at times express a desire to wear women's shoes at times. We are no longer friends, so it is a moot point to me. It had nothing to do with my crossdressing, we just grew apart. It is rather ironic, his girlfriend, who is now his wife did not like me, it is one of the reasons we are no longer friends, loves cd's and drag queens.
They probably won't care, but then again, I probably won't tell them.
Well Annie Mac, I just lost my best friend from child hood , interesting he seemed too not care but I know he is gone. JO
The reaction of my male friends has been great, none of them have said a word.....and that's because none of them know......and I intend to do everything in my power to keep it that way!!!
Not all us TLadies need to do the whole "Out Loud and Proud and/or To Thy Own Self Be True" thing to let family and friends know who we are. I do not require the need to feel anyone else's acceptance (except for those Sarah/I wish to associate with) to empower/legitimize who I already am. I am perfectly happy with myself, I know who I am, and I am very comfortable with my preferred desire to be feminine as much as I can be within reason. And those are the key words...."within reason." I still have a job, friends, family, and a professional reputation (which contributes significantly to the financial resources that allow me to be and enjoy Sarah) to be concerned about.
I will continue to only let those know about Sarah whom I feel comfortable enough around to let know.
Telling close friends about this part of you can be very difficult. This was something I thought I would always keep as a secret, but because of other personal issues I was facing a few years back, I did tell a number of my male friends.
I knew the possibility of losing them as friends, but I also have been an honest person. Not one of them was upset or felt disappointed or ashamed of me. Many asked good questions as many did not understand what crossdressing was or why people do this. We had good talks, and I don't feel they look at me any different than before. I even had and still have some good laughs about this (and in a good way) with my friends. I am very fortunate as I have some very good friends who are really friends.
I'm sure none of them want to see me dressed up, and that is ok. It is still a relief to not have to hide this little 'hobby' from those you care about. I also think because my friends really know me, this part of me was not a total shock. My friends know I'm a bit different than most, but also know I'm happy with who I am.
Hopefully in the future when the world can accept us, issues like this will not be an issue.
Wow. Such a sad and moving story... I hope he comes around some day...Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
I haven't come out to any male friends. I've made many CD friends over the past 2 years of my coming 1/2 way out of the closet so that's a bit different.
In my case there is no benefit in telling any of them.
i would have no plans to tell my male friends anything as i have no plans or desires to dress around them
I have told a few male friends and family members over the years and none of them have thought any less of me for it. I have no desire to dress around them but its just nice to have the fear of discovery taken out of the equation.
I hang on to the hope and old cliché that if you tell someone, anyone, that if they are truly your friend, then it wont bother them but if it does bother them, then they weren't your friends to begin with
There are a few friends/family that don't know, that I must still tell, but that is not on the top of my priority list ATM.
It would be much easier to be me when they visit or pop around. At the moment I am very don't care what I wear around the house, even if ppl stop by. ( im usually wearing a skirt with painted nails and some light makup)
So, think it would be easier if the important people around me knows my story and what I am. Im not really hiding, but also don't go telling everyone I walk past either.
I'm one of those girls who doesn't feel the need to be accepted by friends. I am totally out to my SO, who is very supportive - and as with most things in life, she's the important one.
That is a very sad story, i was very touched.Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
I haven't told any of my male friends, don't intend to, also. I never felt the need to. But yes i was caught once by a good friend of mine. He laughed, pulled my leg a bit and seriously asked me if was gay, cause that made him uncomfortable. I did actually come out to another friend (more on that later), we were drunk. :eek: I said it, can vaguely remember, wonder if he does.:battingeyelashes:
A couple have known for years that I like to dress. I don't go into details (because they're irrelevant and no ones' business but my SO, or friends here who might benefit by my experience.)
But, last year I "outed" myself on FB, all fam & friends could read that. I was just in a kind of funk at the time, and threw it up as my status. I suppose there may have been people who unfriended me on there, but I wouldn't know because I don't keep track. What's truly noteworthy is how many of my close friends who hadn't been "in the know" replied supporting me, just sharing their love. Some family, too. And again noteworthy among both family (like male cousins) and long time great friends, some of the guys most supportive were ones I was unsure about. I suppose I was pre-judging others' judgmentalism?
I'm not looking to transition or anything, but now I don't have to hide my wardrobe :)