Printable View
Hi there im new here but i have been a cd for quite a few years i am 31 years old and i dont have a wife. I am wanting to know your opinions on should i go to a cd support group the thought of it scares me a bit but on the other hand it excites me. I am quite unhappy at the moment in my present situation being closseted any advice would be greatly apreciated thanks.
Hi Megan,
A CD support group can be a wonderful thing especially if you are looking to connect with others who share our passion. The additional benefit is that you can meet new friends and if you are inclined go out in public. Most groups I know of don't require you to go dressed (optional) if you are not comfortable with that. I would check out he group and find out what they offer. If they require you to dress for meetings and you are not comfortable with doing so, you can always take a pass. I am just slowing integrating Isha into a local support group and it has so far been a wonderful experience.
Hugs
Isha
Hello Megan,
If you feel like you would like to meet others while being dressed then yes I would say that it would be a good idea as you will be with people who are in the same position as you which is a lot less harrowing for you than stepping out into the big wide world straight away .
I know the feeling of being scared and excited as we expose certain sides of ourselves, but I do encourage you to check out the support group. It is a good thing to have the support we need and being around like minded people. These groups allow us to know we are not alone and to feel better about our desire to CD even if it is in private.
Megan, I am the organizer of a crossdressing Meetup group here in the Denver area, and I can tell you that I and the other group members do our best to help ladies like you feel welcome. Most groups will be happy to see you whether you're in drab or en femme, and we provide an open environment where people like you can share experiences and get your questions answered. And of course, confidentiality is our #1 watchword! Before becoming the organizer of the group, I enjoyed coming to the meetings just as a participant, as it helped me feel more "grounded" as my femmeself. Of course, now, I'm pleased to be able to help my sisters feel the same way as I do!
You might consult Meetup for crossdressing support groups in your area. I do recommend it!
- Amy
Wow Megan. I can't get over your reluctance.
You're a single girl. What's holding you back?
Go and enjoy!
which part of the world are you in?
Going to a meeting can't hurt. There is no commitment, and you can always not go back if you find it doesn't suit you. But, I'll bet you find there are lots of girls there just like you. Good luck, Steph.
You have to give in order to get!
Go there, sit like a wallflower if you have to, go in drab, someone is bound to ask you why you are sitting there like a deer in the headlights or a wallflower.
You will be made to feel welcome like you have here. :)
My advice is to get involved with other CDs. There is not only safety in numbers, but way too much fun with girls like us. Hanging out with CD girlfriends may just change your life!
Why ask us? It's your choice. You might ask yourself what you might expect to gain from joining a group. Do you have questions of any nature that you would like to discuss with others? Do you want to experience life out of the closet?
Hi Megan, I was in the same situation in 2005 , had been a closet Queen for many years. My then wife was O K with my dressing but she did not want to see me dressed. We are divorced , she was O K my going to a support group but that was her way of getting ammo to divorce me. It back fired. The first time I went out dressed was on Halloween 2005 I was sacred as all get out. The support group was great met about 20 girls an learned that there are a lot of us. As the meet ended one girl said lets got to the Polo bar, another to one in Hartford Conn. I about came in my pantied, out dressed OH MY GOD. So about 10 of us headed out, the first bar was having leather night, so we were advised not to go in . The second was great, I did have to walk 2 blocks in heels and my first ever dress. After I got in I headed for the bar I need a good drink. I was standing next to this very good looking women who I admired, A friend of hers came up to her an asked her a ?. Well to my surprise she answered in this deep man voice yes she would like that. God was that a wake up call for me. I now live with my wife in Florida who loves me more as a women then man, and we go everywhere as sisters. I live about 80 % of the time as a women and it great so go for it Girl, the world is out there for you at your age. By the way I am 72. JO
It's not a big step. Go to the meeting. If you like it, stay and go back to the next meeting. If you don't like it, don't go back.
yes you should go, don't let fear run your life. Getting out and living your life as a crossdresser would have to be better than living it in the closet right? No one will be judging you there for the clothes you wear. Have fun!
Hi Megan
I just noticed that this is your first posting here so I’d say you are very new here. You might want to also post on the introductory forum, just a little bit about yourself – just add some more to the “I have been a cd for quite a few years I am 31 years old and I don’t have a wife”. You know, things like hobbies or how you spend your free time – well we sort of know how you spend some of your free time.
I don’t know where you live, not even which country you live in. Now I live in Southern California and Southern California is the conservative end of the State – even so things around here are a lot more liberal than they are in the vast majority of the rest of the country. Even so I suspect the majority of cross dressers are strictly closeted and I also suspect that most will remain that way. For many it is imperative that their little secret remains secret, which brings up, how would being “outed” affect your life, your job, your family and your relationship with your family? There is that chance anytime you open the door and step out, we can take precautions but there a no guarantees.
A local support group can be a great way to meet other cross dressers and get some insight in how cross dressing has affected their lives. Maybe get some ideas on how to improve your cross dressing, and maybe even make some friends – friends who also cross dress and aren’t going to judge you because of your cross dressing.
When I joined a local support group I was told that it was customary to come to the first meeting in drab, maybe more than just the first meeting – until I felt comfortable coming en femme. That wasn’t a rule carved in stone just a recommendation and one I took advantage of. I felt like I wanted to go out, but I wasn’t really comfortable enough with the idea to actually do it. Took a couple meetings before I found the courage to actually do it. My heart was beating a mile-a-minute when I walked out the front door but that was nothing compared to how it was beating walking through a crowded restaurant to get to the meeting room. I was a bit surprised but I actually lived through the evening and made it home in one piece and I discovered that I actually had some fun and enjoyed the company – so much so that I didn’t miss a meeting during a full year.
One more thing, you wrote “I am quite unhappy at the moment in my present situation being closeted”. Joining a support group might alleviate some of the unhappiness you feel with being closeted. However many (most?) of us experience other feelings and underlying emotions related to cross dressing that contribute to our unhappiness. A support group is not the same as professional counseling or therapy and if you find yourself still unhappy after joining I would recommend seeking some professional help – isn’t something that should make your life miserable.
Hi Megan,
Speaking as someone still closeted, I think you should take the chance if you feel you can do so safely within bounds that you feel comfortable with.
Life is about experiences - we really can't fulfil our dreams if we're not prepared to risk a little and experience new things. Sadly, this lesson only really hits home after decades for some of us, and reminds me of a great logoed Aussie T I used to have before my wife made me give it to charity - it just said: Life is a journey, not a guided tour. :cool:
Wish you luck!
kateyx
Your single, get out of the house, and go to the meeting.
All depends on if you think you need support or not.... Personally I have never felt the need..... (except for a good pushup bra) I can and have been able to figure things out in my head and handle every situation I've been in so far.... but if you don't feel comfortable then by all means.... go... see if its for you at least.... and if your not happy with your situation... do something about it.... change your situation or change yourself... or both...... not being happy isn't an option.. imho...
Hi again
Just to add a bit to Karren’s comment, I don’t feel that I have gotten a whole lot of support from the support group I joined. However joining eased me into going out, something that I might not have done on my own. I continued to go to meetings because I enjoyed the company and it was a good way to go and have dinner with the “girls”.
A local support group affords an easy way to meet others in a safe environment. I would go in drab for the first meeting just to see how things operate and get some of your questions answered. Some groups have a place where you can change, mine did not and mine required that you walk into a restaurant on a Saturday evening when the restaurant was usually busy, something that can be quite scary for someone who is basically still in the closet. If the meeting is held in a public venue see if a member will meet you outside and walk in with you – nothing like a guiding hand to ease quiet your nerves.
I discovered the first time I went en femme that if I needed to use the rest room, which I did, I was expected to use the Woman’s Room and that meant walking through the restaurant’s dining room again and gathering up the courage to enter very alien territory. Am I glad I joined? Yes. Did I make some friends? Yes, although of the two I felt the closest to one lives out of town and doesn’t get to San Diego all that often and one transitioned and moved out of town. I did attend the Christmas Dinner this month and had an enjoyable time; the closet tends to get lonely and a local support group affords a nice alternative to being cooped up and alone.
A "support" group meeting should not be viewed as a place to dress. If all you want is to dress publicly, then do so. Go out, have fun.
go for it....we got your back !
For me at least it did provide a place to go dressed where you could be reasonably confident of blending in.
Having said that I would say go dressed, you will actually find it easier to not not stand out.
The only caution is if you are having trouble with life this will not help unless the lack of a chance to cd is the main problem.
Otherwise cding just magnifies what ever else is going on.
Either way just go, if you post more about where you are then others can help identify how and where to start.
Meet up groups are an alternative to formal support groups.
Best wishes.
Patricia
Hi there thanks for all your replies i feel very welcome here i will post and introduction as well thanks again megan
This thread helped me immensely as well.....Thank you all and Merry Xmas!
Janelle
I emphatically disagree, a support group may be the ideal place to dress. One of the problems with going out for the first time is that often means going out alone, going someplace that may not only not be a friendly environment but may actually be a hostile environment. On the other hand going to a local support group meeting the first timer is pretty well secure in their belief that the place will not only be friendly but safe and they will be welcomed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
I had wanted to go out for some time, but the only cross dressers I knew were those here on the forum. There is no way that I’d ever go out dressed en femme and walk into a restaurant or go shopping, not alone anyway. When I applied to join the group I was asked if I was out and about and when I said no I was advised to come to my first meeting in drab; I was not the only one there in drab. The President of group sat next to me and after a round of introductions the meeting sort of settled on me, and my Daughter who accompanied me. Neither of us felt like we were being interrogated, it was just a friendly conversation that covered our likes, dislikes, fears, goals, etc. I went to the second meeting in drab as well, this time accompanied by my Wife – that was a near disaster and she has never gone again.
A couple of the members suggested that if I was ready to come en femme that I come early, they would come early and we would meet in the parking lot and walk in together. That didn’t happen as my Daughter accompanied me again and the two of us walked in together. The four of us had the better part of an hour together before the other members began to arrive and that time allowed me to get more comfortable sitting there en femme.
If it wasn’t for the support group being a place to go dressed I’d probably still be entrenched in the closet. As it turned out after a few meetings dressed I actually was able to dress and go see my Therapist. I was scared to death walking into the medical center but I kept telling myself that if I could walk into a restaurant en femme, then I could do this.
Gaining the confidence to step out the door for the first time is very difficult for many of us. Many of us have never met another cross dresser and have no idea how to go about meeting other cross dressers. A local support group affords the means to meet other cross dressers and going to meetings dressed builds confidence.
What a wonderful thought! There are no tour guides, no one has been here before, nobody knows what's around the bend. Thanks for sharing!Quote:
"Life is a journey, not a guided tour."
I would like to join a support group, but I have yet to find one in my area. I say go for it.
Ciara
I am going to disagree as well. Speaking as someone who weathered her first outings alone it is not easy and if you are even somewhat hesitant, you may never get out of the car as it is easy to talk yourself out of it. If you have a support group behind you, it is easier as you will have kind, caring people to guide you through the process. You need to get there before you can have fun doing it . . . so if you need moral support a group is the best place to dress and get comfortable with yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
Hugs
Isha
I did a Google search on "transgender support groups near springfield missouri" and got more then 300k hits. I followed a couple of the results and ended up here. Many cities now have LGBT centers and these centers often have links to transgender support groups. The group I joined is not strictly a support group for cross dressers but a support group for the transgendered and the current President is TS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ciara Brianne
I am quite unhappy at the moment in my present situation being closseted any advice would be greatly apreciated thanks.
That line says it all, if your unhappy, try something different. support group, gay bar, something!
But just sitting and thinking about it doesn't help, you have to get up and do something about it, so go join, have fun, if it doesn't work out, you can quit and go back to being unhappy at that moment.