When is enough REALLY enough?

I was thinking -
Is there a time when we go too far with dressing?
How do you define the limits if, in fact you have any.
All of us were born at a very early age and soon after most of us had a desire to look in our mothers panty draw and touch certain items. You may then have seen that first pair of 4" heels in the wardrobe and put your feet in them and from then on you were hooked. I remeber touching a pair of silk stockings - but I digress.
So how did you go from that to where you are now?
Human nature dictates we are never happy with what we have and as selfish humans we always want more. Is this you?
I remember my sister put her nighty on me at age 9 (43 years ago) and I still remeber it as if it was yesterday. Now I wear what I want when I want, but It doesnt create the same fond memories as wearing that cotton nightie. Its like eating your favorite chocolate everyday - it looses its appeal.
So if we class dressing as climbing a stairway to heaven how far up it ar you. Do you take a few tentative steps up the staircase, only to step back down a couple then climb up again or are you racing to the top without a care in the world?
I see myself on a landing as I am really happy where I am at, and dont feel the need to progress any further in either direction.
So is enough, enough for me - I think so but human nature will tell me eventually I need to do more and I may decide I need to venture outside (again), but at present I dont think so as I didnt enjoy it.
My wife set some boundaries and rules and going out is against them and I respect my wifes wishes as she has given me so much.
So, Im sitting on the landing with my wife, were happy here and I dont want to go down and as yet I have no desire to climb any higher.
What about you?...Ellie

I'm (only) 29 so I do not really know how far it will go for me. It obviously may get worse, but I'm not counting on it. Right now, there are some very clear boundaries: I do not 'mix' any of my other activities with cross-dressing. I dress up, might snap some pictures, may do some chores if they really need to be done and I might chill out a little, but that's it. I don't 'dress up and watch a movie', or 'dress up and get some work done'. I don't let any cross-dressing elements filter into my 'normal' life, so I do not underdress and I do not wear women's clothing as 'normal' clothing.

I think I went too far if my happiness and well-being and my ability to function really depended on the amount of female clothing I wear at any time. I mean, I'm not against alcohol and there are times I get really shitfaced and have a good time, but I know I might have a problem if I start downing a beer first thing in the morning to get through the day.

I don't see this as being a "selfish" issue but more a well being. Emotionally I am drawn to wearing women's clothing and have progressed all the way to presenting in public with my wife's support and love. So you might say I am half way up the staircase. However, I can easily go down the stairs as well. When I dress I feel complete the same way I now feel complete when not dressed, it is one in the same. The exterior is just trappings dictated by society on how one gender should dress/look/ over the other. I am the same person on the inside.

Can you go too far . . . I don't think so because it will be driven by a sense of well being. Some can argue if you put your relationship in peril you have gone to far. I will counter with if you put your emotional well being in jeopardy then you relationship will suffer regardless as you will be miserable with who you are and that will transfer to your relationship. Going too far would be more related to spending all your family's money on CDing (clothes, make-up, hair, laser etc.) and not being able to provide the necessities . . . then yes you have gone too far.

If you are just CD underdressing may be your thing and that is all you need or you may need to go complete en femme closeted or out and about. Well being will drive this. So as the OP stated, wherever you are on the staircase, if you are happy stay there. If you feel the need to climb hire or descend do so . . . the main point is you need to ensure your emotional well being is taken care of as much as the rest of your life. No good can come of sitting on the bottom step feeling miserable and doing nothing about it.

My two cents

Hugs

Isha

It's a good question Ellie - and I think it deserves a better answer than "It depends..." - but as I think you've correctly already identified, a lot of factors influence how we all approach this.

Six months ago it had been decades since I had tinkered with makeup (and I mean tinkered!) but I started again.
Three months ago I was getting ready for an end of year purge :eek:
Today I purchased a large Stanley tool box (camouflage... :heehee:) to contain what makeup and jewellery I have.

Earlier this week I read a very interesting article on the 'Alice in Genderland' website (Dr Alice Novic - I'm sure many folk here have seen it, but if not, I'd recommend it..:)) and I'm now moving towards the belief that the descriptive 'Transgendered', while still sounding a mite pejorative to me, is actually a good description for all of us across the TG 'Mosaic' - from straight CD through to TS. While not wanting to make this thread about labels again (Sorry Isha :D), I mention it because Ellie's metaphor of a staircase suits - I just think it's a multidimensional staircase - and actually those factors she touched on, both personal and environmental, are the ones that determine how far we go.

And that, I think for me, addresses the OP. What is right and what is a limit will be unique for everyone - but there will be a lot of commonality in what stair on the staircase we end up, because a lot of the environmental factors (SO, marriage, families, jobs, societal taboo, etc.) will be similar for many of us, at least in western society. And the personal factors are likely to be the ones that drive us to a limit - for some to be comfortable with CD; others will need to go right through to transition.

Great post Ellie - another headache making one though... :thinking:

Katey x

and.....it all may change at any time!

Who knows where it comes from...or why. But next week
it may all seem completely different. Or not.

Neverland? It may belong to Us!

♥

I believe I am at the lower end of the staircase, my goal has always been to make it to the landing like Ellie. I do agree with everyone's comments to this point. It is a thinker!!

I feel like a fast stair climber, my SO is afraid of heights . I guess or hope for one step at a time together. Hugs:battingeyelashes:

Ellie,
We all reach a comfortable plateau with our dressing, from just wearing a dress to full makeup and formal wear.
At some stage in between we will choose what is right for everyday wear.
For me when home, dressed, sometimes without a wig.
When going out, I only need minimal makeup, wig and sensible clothing to blend in.
Going out to parties, dress appropriately and look sharp if you wish to impress.

For you...
Stay on the landing and enjoy what you have.
Your wife my get used to it and want to ramp it up further.

Then you can move on. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Aretha

I feel like a fast stair climber, my SO is afraid of heights . I guess or hope for one step at a time together. Hugs:battingeyelashes:

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(With respect to your Avatar) - Confucius says "If you run upstairs, make sure you leave high heels at home"..Ellie

I too was born at an early age ;).

To the question, the lengths any one of us chooses 'to go' is a choice each of us gets to make for themselves...sure with input from others, but ultimately An individual choice. I don't see this as an affliction. I don't have to worry about going too far, going overboard or to excess. I'm simply being myself.

"All of us were born at a very early age ", yeah I guess so. LOL" Now I wear what I want when I want "." My wife set some boundaries". Yup, you're pretty much stuck where you are, and for you, that's all there is. Now if you were allowed to add "where I want" to "Now I wear what I want when I want" then your CD world would be able to expand exponentially. But you have limitations.

Yes, survival in our world demands limitations. Otherwise you end up dead on your bathroom floor of a heroin overdose with a needle still stuck in your arm! So very sad.

Personally I think it's difficult to define 'too far' in a world that is as broadly spectrum-ed as this one.
Some folks here are hairy panty wearers and may consider a wig to be 'too far'.
There are the feel good illusion chasers like me, for me 'too far' would be any permanent change to my outward physical appearance that heavily favours my crossdressing.
Then you have transexuals, and for these folk sometimes even hormones are not enough and they choose to undergo appearance changing surgery.

It's really, much like everything else here - Different strokes (no, not Gary Coleman LOL)

-x-

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ellie52

(With respect to your Avatar) - Confucius says "If you run upstairs, make sure you leave high heels at home"..Ellie

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Up-stairs, I'm OK...I can haul some butt. Down-stairs, though....scary sometimes.

(Confucius may have only been an admirer?)

;)

it depends,
their are many factors, we are not a one size fits all group,
6 mths ago i would of said i was on the landing,
today after joining the group i have many new firsts,
first forum, first photo, first internet posting/and with facial photo.
slightly more proficient makeup skills, and the big one,
first reveals to SAs and more importantly my mrs.
so i ve just added a floor or so, on the new landing now,
what will tomorrow bring, how will my life evolve from here,
none of us know, so it depends, i thought it was enough but it changed....

I would say.. whenever it starts having a negative effect on your life and/or your loved ones. And yes.. this is different for everyone, which makes these kind of discussions interesting.. but ultimately it still is a personal consideration.

If you're married, and your wife doesn't want the rest of the world to know... then venturing outside to the mall or movies probably isn't a good idea. Staying inside should be enough.. whether it actually *is* enough.. that remains to be seen.

There was a time when a close shave and lots of foundation was enough. Now, I'm in my 10th treatment of IPL.. and it won't be enough until every last hair of my beard and mustache is gone!

I used to think that 2-3 inch heels were high enough.. now, for most shoes I won't settle for less than 4!

So.. this "REALLY" really is quite difficult to define!:doh:

Oh, dear. I don't know. I'm so conflicted.

I have a fear of heights, but feel compelled to climb.
Life is good on the ground, but strangely more comfortable on the first step.
I hear that the air is fresher at the top but very thin. I may faint and tumble all the way down.
My wife does not care to climb, and it would devastate me to leave her behind.

And, who says the stairway goes UP anyhow?

Best wishes
MsVal

I think the question goes more to why we cross dress. Some do it for the sexual turn-on; some because the clothing feels "more comfortable"; some do it because they truly feel as though they are a woman trapped in the wrong body. It seems to me the question of how far is "too far" is highly dependent on the reasons for dressing as we do. If it's for sexual reasons, there is probably a dopamine release. Dopamine is the same reason people become "hooked" on drugs, so perhaps there is such a thing as being addicted to sex and cross dressing is a part of that. I suspect for most of us here, there is no single reason we feel the need to wear women's garments. I know that for me, although sexuality plays a part, it isn't the major driving force. When I am wearing even just silky underwear, I feel as though there is a woman with me. She helps me keep my perspective on the day to day things that transpire, and to be more forgiving of what I perceive as transgressions by others. I know this sounds hackneyed and trite, but wearing at least some article of women's clothing makes me approach the world with a kinder, more gentle attitude. I'm rambling a bit here, but I think this is something to which we have all given some thought, and will continue to, for as long as we are considered societal "outliers". Rambling is my own approach to thinking through a subject; some people are linear thinkers; they proceed in logical order from point A to B, to C, and so on. I am what I consider to be a "circular thinker"; I ramble all around a subject, gathering bits and pieces from all sides, to form a cohesive opinion. I guess that's part of why Meyers-Briggs classifies me as an INTP. :)

hmmm

limitations of any kind related to what I am supposed to do or be, lead me to want to break them, pass them, negate them....

I believe that dialog, is key... I would become resentful of limitations because they are literally a dog collar for you to be walked if you are to obey your partner. Yuk.

That said, this thing, may be able to go away for some... or be cured.. I don't know. Whatever you feel comfortable with as a couple great. This would not work for me as I believe it would lead to resentment.

Good luck to you... but as others have stated, this thing grows, changes.... i personally don't see Vanessa except as whom she wants to be......whenever that is except if it would impact family.... Outside of this, well, I need room to figure it all out...as me.. who knows, maybe I will come back home and stay indoors after my journey's into the real world. If so great, if not, which I suspect would/will be the case then I would need to reach further so I can understand me and love me more (right next to my SO).

Vanny

For me cross dressing is a very private affair. I do not know why I am what I am, but, I know being en femme brings me peace and tranquility. I no longer seek the answer to "Why?" It is "enough" for me to be en femme and do chores around the house. Right now I am doing the laundry (whites to be followed by towels) totally en femme. I would be doing the laundry en homme if I did not have the time to be en femme. I can be posting of this forum either way.

In my DADT there are probably implied limitations. Decades ago when we had the "talk" she told me it was OK if I wanted to join a support group. That was thirty years ago. I could not find one. I'm sure my wife would not appreciate me going public. I have a realistic idea of what I look like when I look into a mirror. To venture forth would negate the peace and tranquility I get from being en femme.

So, it is enough for me to be an in-home cross dresser.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ellie52

Is there a time when we go too far with dressing?
How do you define the limits if, in fact you have any.

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Whether YOU have limits or not, you can be sure when you go too far your wife or SO will let you know.

Ellie you probably know my answer. I keep climbing the step wondering where the top is. I would luv to take the elevator and shoot right to the top but it seems as if I am having a hard time getting the door open so I just keep going one step at a time.

So, where is the top? Seems the higher I climb, there are more stairs ahead of me,lol! SRS the pinnacle? I'm nearing where I want to be--and that's presenting as a woman,full time, everywhere. I can see that landing from where I'm at right now, but, when I get there----will I want to keep going?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Erica Marie

Ellie you probably know my answer. I keep climbing the step wondering where the top is. I would luv to take the elevator and shoot right to the top but it seems as if I am having a hard time getting the door open so I just keep going one step at a time.

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Erica - you look very comfy sitting halfway up the stairs. Maybe you should be pushing the CD button instead of the GD button, otherwise youll never get off the ground floor....Ellie

after 30+ years of transvestic fetishism i think i've reached a plateau in the sense that my dressing is about as advanced and developed as its ever going to get. i know what i like (what turns me on) and i stick to that with only minor variations a basic theme. the main issue for me now is controlling my behavior. i wont go into details because some people don't like fetish girls talking about their activities but lets just say i've tried pretty much everything its possible to do on your own. now i have a real hunger to do things with other people, but you already know about that ellie after you read and responded to my thread a while back. thanks for being understanding with me. i realise we have very different motivations for our dressing.

Enough will be enough for me once I have SRS in August.

Everyone is different with differing needs. Someone else's "enough" (my wifes, my parents, societies) could have killed me. Sometimes we need to let the past become the past and move on to the next chapter in our lives. It's niether good nor bad it just is.

Lets just say I am getting there.