Looking for some guidance, a nudge

Hello all,

After 40+ years I have an SO that accepts me completely. I have no intention to transition. I have a packed closet, we shop together, we communicate about what we like and want. I'm hetero and love being in both worlds. I dress very normal, I've seemed to grow out of the miniskirt phase :)

So many of you wish and hope you could have my situation. But guess what? I spend most of my time kicking my own butt trying to figure out why and wondering why "it" won't go away. And at the same time loving it. ARRRGGGH! I get it, just get over it and enjoy it! I could dress every moment that I want, but don't. She's never led me to believe it bothers her at all, says she loves it. But I still worry about her. And having said all this, feel stupid about it and I should just embrace it and enjoy my life. ARRRGGGHH. So, umm, help!

Kelsie

Hi Happy,

I'm a pragmatist. Things are. Cross dressing will not go away we are born with it. I am like you in that I have an understanding wife, but I dress only occasionally. SHE is part of our relationship too. To that end, I don;t inflict "Jennifer" upon her. Dress when you WANT not when you CAN.

Its not about getting over it or growing out of it, this is who you are embrace it. Stop fighting it, it will be much funner.

Could have written your post. Annaliese is correct that it will be much funner to embrace and enjoy.

It's self acceptance that you're talking about. I know that we all won't achieve it but those of us who did probably paid a heavy price in guilt, anguish, torment etc. I think only time, communication, self reflection and maybe counseling will help you get there.

Kelsie I know what you mean as do many, why the heck do I enjoy this so much it drives me crazy, when I was doing my pictures the other day I was like I enjoy this so much and feel so good, Why? Argh
So I feel ya hon, so great the wife likes it but yeah just enjoy that but don't abuse it.

yes enjoy it...and enjoy your time....we only get one go around..make it count .

same, same and same, but I still love my mini skirts :)
I often wonder why my wife got a silver car (or a husband with dual personalities).
I hate silver cars, but instead of fighting it, I find other things to like about her silver car.

I am 48 and not out of my mini skirt phase, actually it is flourishing.

If you are worried about your wife, have a discussion with her. Talk about some of your issues if you believe it will help. Just remember, (at least this work on me this way) the more you try to grow out of it, and once you think you kicked the habit, it comes back with a vengeance. It will always be a part of your life weather you want it to or not. My abnormal psychology book put it into better terms, the only cure to cross dressing is to cross dress.

I'm pretty much the same. Except I'm Pret-ty pleased I'm the way
I am....I wouldn't want it to go away and never have.

From what I understand...if the wife doesn't like it...one will know.
I do talk with mine often, but often, she just doesn't care one
way or the other if I dress up or I don't. (As long as the cat box
is taken care of!)

:happy:

Coming up to 49 soon, in my mini skirts, but agree with Erica, you ever lock it away, and it will come back a bite you twice as hard.

Hi Kelsie,
Interesting comments about the "battle within". It looks like we all deal with some of that. So how many times have we "purged our closet" and bought it all back?
Oh, I wish I still had that red dress, the 6" platform sling-backs, a few mini skirts....
Candy

I stopped trying to understand it and just went with it. My wife is fully supportive and a I dress when I want but that is not all the time . . . I still have my "boy" life and I love them equally. All that to say . . . just sit back and enjoy the ride, it will be a lot less stressful.

Hugs

Isha

I've done four complete purges. I know it never goes away, I accept that. I literally have stood in the closet, clothes in hand, dropped them on the floor and started crying. It's a torment. She is so very understanding. Sucks that the battle is internal. And she's given me examples of things that she's gone through every day of her life. And still I fight myself. Bah!

Kelsie,
It is nice that you consider your wife's feelings.
Keep doing it but temper your thoughts and stop wondering why.
Try and enjoy things a little more whilst still showing that consideration.

You don't need no help. Sounds like you got best of both worlds. And by your 2nd guessing about your wife? Are probly a really nice guy...er...I mean girl. So relax. Enjoy.

You know, it's so much easier for others to love you when you love yourself. Granted, it may take a while for you to get there but keep at it.

It might help if you look for the way(s) CDing strengthens you. For me, my creativity level in and out of dress is so much higher. Likewise, my perspective of issues and opportunities is very broad -- more so than when I used to snuff this part of me out. I could go on, but I do hope that helps.

The only one who can "help" you feel better about yourself is you! There is absolutely no reason to keep beating yourself up because you like to wear clothes usually associated with women. You are, indeed, fortunate to have such a loving and understanding spouse. Repay her by being a nice pleasant person enjoying who you are.

Wow,,,did I write this thread?,I `m amazed how it mirrors my life/situations to a T. Like others here though have learned to accept its part of our personnas and its never ever totally going away. Enjoy each day.

In much the same situation as you.
Just sit back, relax and enjoy the fact that you have someone who loves you, understands and accepts you in all your glory.
This is not something that will just melt away someday. It's part of you and who you are. Accept yourself and love your SO for loving you so much.


Don't worry, Be Happy....

Kelsie - enjoy it - don't try to puzzle around it - too many of us here already doing that for you! :)

And I'm with you on mini-skirts... oh boy, and am I intent on making up for lost, youthful decades now... :cheer:

Katey x

Wow, all I can maybe add, is that the longer you fight that losing battle, the longer the affects of that stress will color the rest of you, your thoughts, your everyday life, and your relationships with others, and usually in a negative way. Acceptance is the key, and the only way forward to serenity and peace...and love, of yourself and everyone you care about.
Good luck, honey!
Hugs

Thank you all for the kind comments. I didn't think I was alone feeling the way I do. Feels good to know there are others going through much the same and thriving :) I'll keep at it. Hate to see all my clothes go to waste :)

I hope to get to the level of acceptance that many of you have and good luck to those that haven't gotten there yet. Thanks to everybody for sharing.

The fact that your SO is accepting should give you comfort. My wife doesn't like it,saw me go through a purge to please her. I think she knows it didn't last,and now we have a DADT relationship with it. As a result I sometimes still feel some guilt,but I do accept this is all a part of me,and I'm going to embrace it.

Hello Kelsie sounds like you have an ideal situation, congrats on that. If the only issue you have is trying to find that elusive answer to the "Why" question, I don't think you ever will. Maybe it will help to compare that question to another. Why do we like chocolate?, Why do we like fancy cars? Etc. CD'ing simply makes us feel good and happy, and it's an exciting break from the norm. Now go put that dress on and have some fun!
Much Love,
Kristyn

Be thankful for what you have and enjoy yourself. Focus on the "wow", not the "why"! :)