What if the shoe was on the other foot?

As one of many (I think) who wishes for a more open relationship with my wife, I sometimes find myself frustrated by our long-standing DADT agreement (although she does allow me to wear panties and sometimes (especially if she's had a few glasses of wine) stockings in bed for love-making. Last night I was thinking about getting much more aggressive in asking her to participate with me, when I stumbled on the following notion:

What if I had never discovered the Pink Fog and had absolutely no inclination to don female attire? And one day my wife came to me and said the following:

"Honey, there's something I want to share with you, and I know you'll find it weird, but I think it could actually make our relationship stronger if I didn't withhold it from you. You see, I enjoy wearing male clothing. I don't know why, and I certainly don't want to be a man or have sex with women, but I just find that when I wear male clothes, it's both relaxing and stimulating for me."

"So here's what I'm asking you to do: Help me get fully dressed as a man. I'll wash off all my makeup, except for maybe some blackening to simulate a 5 o'clock shadow. I'll paste a big handlebar mustache under my nose, because I think that symbolizes masculinity better than anything else. I want you to bind my breasts tightly with elastic bandages. Then help me get into some boxer shorts, a T shirt, a nice business suit, and a starched white shirt with big cufflinks and a tie. Then you dress the same way and make passionate love to me. Afterward, take me out shopping while I'm still dressed in drab to a nice men's store, and buy me some sexy men's pajamas. Will you do it?"

After thinking about it I decided maybe DADT isn't so bad after all. How would you have reacted?

I'd like to think I'd have accepted her as readily as she HAS accepted me. I do find the idea quite interesting though.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as I accept folks for who they are but just bear in mind that that scenario is kind of a fantasy in itself. The reason I say that is because in this society a woman wearing men's clothes is considered stylish and cool to most while a man wearing women's clothes is considered abnormal and not so cool to the majority. That is just the way things are. Whatever we do around that is our own personal form of expression.:)

A reasonable question. One each of us should probably examine in light of what we want in the way of support. It could go beyond that. Maybe she wants to quit shaving her legs and arm pits. Probably would wear her hair really short. Not being in that position it's hard to say. I sure hope I would respond with all the love and support she has shown me.

Hug
Rita

I would like to think I could support her with as much love and compassion as she has treated me, I like to think of myself as gender fluid enough to play that game.
But then I am a cross dresser, if I weren't I can't say that I would be so understanding, how can you know for sure. But I know if I'm have the person my wife is, I could adjust, and play along.

This is an interesting thread. I mean, how would we like to see a hairy woman with something in the boxershorts she is wearing simulating a bulge.

Kate, I've seen some women dressed entirely in male clothing and appear extremely feminine and dropped dead gorgeous. I remembering a recent sighting of a young (mid 20's) blond sans makeup wearing steel toed work boots, jeans, flannel shirt and construction helmet who was disembarking from a cement mixer's cab. Wow! There was no obvious intent to appear as a male. No false facial hair. No binding of the breasts. In my past professional life I encountered many attorneys and CPA's who work pants. There was no attempt to be masculine.

Mystery woman is throwing in the proviso the woman wants to appear and act as a man. That is totally different than wearing the clothing of a man. It appears most of the CD-ers on this sight wish to appear as a woman and cast of any appearances of being masculine. Yes, there are some who just wear the clothing of a woman, but, they seem to be few and far between.

If my wife were to come to me and make this request, I'd probably entertain it. However, if she were to request that she appear 100% of the time in that mode I'd probably say no. That's the reason why I'm in a DADT marriage. I will not push, force or otherwise pressure my wife to accept something that makes her uncomfortable. Yes, in the early years of our marriage I did on occasion wear a nightie and stockings in bed. That was before we realized what cross dressing was about. It's not just the act of wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. It's the mind games that are involved that make the equation come out differently.

Let's tone that down and break it into its components:
She wants to change her hair style to something quite short. Okay, it's her hair, and shorter is easier to manage.
She wants help selecting non-traditional clothing with which you have experience. Okay, we enjoy helping our mates (don't we?)
She wants to change her makeup style. Okay, providing it's not that Goth stuff.

In bed? Well, maybe not okay. The suit will get wrinkled.

I am of the belief that it is quite selfish and wrong for a CD to expect his mate to go beyond her comfort zone to participate in, or even accept his behavior. Request, maybe; expect, no.

That is not limited to CD, but any activity that makes the mate uncomfortable.

Best wishes
MsVal

This is an often asked question here. I'll answer as I always do: I would not have been as readily understanding as my wife. I WOULD HAVE accepted her. I think women have a greater capacity for empathy, sympathy, relationships in general.

Now, that aside, I would never and have never asked my wife to take my cross dressing into the bedroom. I would never take a CD wife into the bedroom. That's totally different territory. I highly recommend you leave cross dressing out of the bedroom unless SHE initiates the request.

It sounds like a fair question to me. Yes, women can wear just about anything they want to without raising eyebrows but some of the respondents seem unwilling to accept your premise of your wife wanting to PRESENT as male. To qualify my response, I'll first say that I'm also in a dadt. I'm strictly hetero, wishing I could present completely a few times a month and although I'd like it to be a part of our bedroom life, I know that's never going to happen. I'd like to believe that outside of the bedroom I would be open to most of her wishes to present as male and would even go so far as to help her achieve that goal. But there would be absolutely zero acceptance in the bedroom.

Oh come on, I love, love butch women. Some of my dearest friends are proudly bull dyke women. Why would I have any problems with my wife, who is really more masculine than me anyway wanting to cross dress? And if a wife or girlfriend wanted to carry that into the bedroom that sounds hot to me! Gender play is fun for everyone!

The problem is, you're preaching to the choir. Every one of us knows that the behavior isn't really a big deal, that dressing up for fun is not what defines us overall. If you want real reactions, you're going to have to do a survey among the general male population, and I'm sure you know what kind of response you'll get, say, if you go door to door during football season and interview the guys in front of the tv watching the game how they'd feel if their wife all of a sudden wanted to dress as what they would see as a butch lesbian.

Fascinating. To me, your fantasy is incredibly hot, but I wonder how I'd react if she wanted to take her masculinization as far as I take my feminization: growing out her leg hair, for example, would be a definite turnoff. Call me a hypocrite, but I know what makes me tick. In fact, one of the things that turn me on about being with a woman is the same thing that turns me on as a crossdresser: seeing her in sexy feminine clothes. So although it would be fun to swap roles with her as the guy and me as the girl on a date, I'd be much more turned on if she underdressed with sexy lingerie. Am I screwed up or what?

If my wife had told me she wanted to transition to a male role, I'd have supported her in it, and stayed in the relationship. I loved her - not her plumbing.

regardless of how I felt I would still be there supporting her.

MysteryWoman I can certainly see why you might not be happy about your scenario as I would not be either but love conquers all.

LOL, good answer Windycissy. To be honest I wear male clothes especially shirts and I'm always nicking my eldest sons sweat shirts and hoodies. I'm not so sure I'd be thrilled if my legs started to get really hairy and I'd never dream of purposely making myself look masculine. I think women can still look really fem in men's stuff but then if you are feminine anyhow it would take more than clothes to make you look masculine don't you think.

I would support her 100% along as she is happy!
Thats the gift my wife gave me


Kiwi

OMG! We of any peoples should be able to accept and embrace anything short of abuse that a loved one could come up with. IMHO .
Love KristyE

This is the type of question that makes me glad I've got all my CD paraphernalia and baggage stuffed firmly and resolutely into a iron-clad closet!

My first thought on reading this - to be bluntly honest - is: "Why darling, that's a ridiculous notion.." And so it is...

What we're missing (I think..) is the apparent inequality in our gender bias that drives a significantly larger number of men to dress like women, than women to dress like men (disregarding that they can do that and still look feminine... since after all, it is possible, for any one of us to just dress like a woman and still look masculine if we chose to.. :thinking:)

Perhaps we just need to give more credit to the SOs that are willing to accept just a DADT relationship, since that is still asking a huge amount of most folk who are brought up with all the stereotypes and expectations of normality?

And as always - it's best not to think too deeply about what we do, just do it...! (But my goodness, isn't that the trademark of the unreasonable alpha male: " It's easier to seek forgiveness than ask permission...")

Thought provoking... And getting more girly in my attitude by the day... Katey x

I would stick by my wife if she wanted to transition...guys are cute...:)

Am i the only one who finds the premise of this thread a bit of a turn on? I have no desire to be with a guy but having my wife dress in a suit, white shirt and tie and of course underneath in set of tidy whiteys along with Y front crotch sounds appealing. and of course i would be dressed appropriately as well!

I wouldn't want this all the time, probably the same as my wife not wanting me to dress all the time either.

End of rant/// this thread is hot!

The facial hair part isn't very interesting to me. The rest of it - I would love to someday go out with my wife and the two of us both cross-dressed!

Deedee

It would not be any problem for me within the limits you described. Matter of fact it would be a blast. My previous wives and I have done just this and it was a blast. My current wife is to small to indulge this but I wouldn't have any problem with it, she wears the same stuff I do anyway. Jeans, oxfords, tees, sweats and on and on. I would have fun with it and support her.

Oh and what Darla-G said too!!!

I think you are correct, not many here would be brave enough to admit it and others would go for it for sure. :)

total hypocrite here, im down with the DADT thing,
i dont shave-but the hairy wife not gonna happen,
she doesnt wear makeup
GGs are sexy in male clothes, i like shopping,
like i said hypocrite x2...

I would hope I'd be as gracious, understanding, and accepting as he was.

Hi M W, Aside from the mustache that pretty much describes some females that I have seen on some construction jobs.

It would be weird, for certain, but not problematic. After a brief period of time to process the thought, I like to think I really would not mind.

Now, if she wanted to surgically and permanently remove her boobs and trade girl parts for guys parts that would not work for me. i would not hate her or cause trouble for her, but a physical transition would not meet my needs in a relationship.

don't care I"d make her happy if I could c:

My girlfriend enjoys somewhat masculine styles anywho : o

I'd have to draw the line at sex with her dressed as a man. But I do not expect her to Make Love to me when I'm dressed as a woman either. So that seems fair to me.

I would not have a problem with it because what you wear or look like doesnt make the person its who you are on the inside

I would love and accept her irregardless of what she wanted to do. I am in a DADT relationship and would be the opposite of my wife. I would support her because as some have said it is what's on the inside that counts. Hairy legs and all!

Interesting, I think the whole idea would be rather exciting and educational at the same time. It would be great to share a moment like this, and then in the end discuss what each other felt and experienced. Who knows what we may find out about each other. I know what's underneath the clothes, we are who we are, regardless of how we appear when we're dressed....

While my wife is not the girliest girl there is.... I love her femininity. I love her style, her feminine general way of being. There are things which I am and do which are more feminine than her, but not many. I do enjoy those differences we do have, and in an odd way, appreciate the similarities. ( she likely doesn't) lol

If she came out and said that she had gender issues, even as I am now, I would find it difficult. That is just me being honest. I would not leave her for those, but would struggle just as she does.

What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and vice versa. I would support her completely as she has supported me. To me, that is what being married means.

Interesting question and I was good with it up to the "passionate love" point. That is a boundary I would not cross and it is the same boundary my wife will not cross with me (we set that straight from the beginning). As my wife wants "boy me" in the bedroom, I want "girl her" there as well. Regarding the clothing question, if I was not MtF CD and my wife wanted to dress "en boy" from time to time, go out, go shopping, wear a handlebar moustache, simulate 5 o'clock shadow . . . support her . . . you bet. Clothes, make-up, fake moustaches do not make the person . . . she would still be the woman I fell in love with regardless.

Hugs

Isha

Doesn't seem like a plausible "thought experiment" for reasons already mentioned by several astute gals. Cate Blanchett wearing a Tuxedo is HOT HOT HOT. Whereas, Brad Pitt in a mini-skirt is only "hot", for us few niche people.

One would have to be a GG viewing a MtF CD to have an authentic perspective.

I wouldn't accept it. Sorry, personal preference.

I'd love it. And I'd help her in every way I could. But the, my wife dresses like a lumberjack much of the time, so a nice suit would be a refreshing change.

I don't think I could deal with it, but then I wouldn't tell a wife and I don't see myself doing it much when in a relationship anyway.

On an intellectual level I would have no problem with it, but in the context of my relationship with my girlfriend, well... I'm attracted to very delicate, feminine girls, (it just so happens I want to be a delicate, feminine girl myself as well, hehe) so it might be an issue if it's something she wanted to do all the time. (although, again, I would jump at the chance to be a girl 100% of the time, everywhere if it were possible, so that's hypocritical of me)

I can't really help what I'm attracted to, though. Tomboys are a turnoff for me, so it probably wouldn't work...