Home after a great night out in San Francisco

Last night, AllieSF, Rachaelsloan and I went out. Started at a wine bar, then dinner, then another wine bar. As happens every time they go out, nothing happened. It was all perfect normal. Our waitress at dinner didn't miss a beat when taking our order. "Would you like to start with a drink ladies?" Dinner was good and no one in the restaurant did a double take nor pointed, threw rocks, nothing. We closed the night at great little wine bar that was packed. Allie asks a young couple (turned out to be husband and wife) sitting at a table for 4 if we could join them. "Sure," was the answer. What ensued was conversations with two great people who didn't care we were cross dressers, but they had questions and we happily answered. This is almost a word for word recap of my first conversation:
David (the husband): Do you mind if I ask you a question?
Me: "No"
David: "Are you gay?"
Me: "No, I'm straight, married with three kids."
David: "Do you live full time as a woman?"
Me: "Nope, I'm strictly a part timer."
David: "Does your wife know?"
Me: "Yes, she goes out with me on occasion."
David: "So you just like to dress as a woman?"
Me: "Yep. Weird isn't it?"
David: "Not THAT weird. Good for you."

Funny how "normal" it all was.

I was the overdressed as compared to the women out but only a bit. Just can't help it.
Here's what I wore, you can't see the 3 1/2in black pumps. Excuse the background as it was the only mirror in the hotel room. If you are thinking about going out, go main stream!

Well, I wouldn't say you were overdressed Jennifer - very appropriate and charming really.. :)

Sounds like you had a great evening for all its uneventfulness - but isn't reality like that a lot of the time? Good fun - and nobody threw a hissy fit over anything... Great! :cheer:

And I'm envious that you have such a great city like SF (and others, lest people feel left out..:eek:) where folk are obviously so accommodating - but I'm pleased that you share that experience with us; it's inspiring to read about it and see it. Thank you! :hugs:

Katey x

Katey, there is no question that S.F. is the holy grail of acceptance cities. But I did not see any other cross dressers there! Fundamentally, people are ok with diversity. And we were just three normal cross dressers. Nothing to get your panties in a bunch about;-)

Jenn, it was really good seeing you last night and next time your wife has to join us. I'm going to add to what Jenn has posted. Allie and I do go to these places (mainstream) so most of the staffs' knows us and treat us like royalty (life is great), but what is really interesting as Jenn mentioned, is that our interaction with those sitting near us was NORMAL conversation and this happens EVERYTIME we go out. At the end of the evening, Allie and I look at each other and shake our heads.

Hi Jenn,

It sounds like you had a great time . . . hopefully not too much wine :) What a great couple you got to sit with. The more I go out the more I am convinced that for the most part what we do is really a big non-event. You just proved that point yet again.

BTW I really like your dress. I note you are wearing a sweater, just curious if you suffer the same issue as me . . . guy shoulders? Our spring/summer will soon be upon us and I am wondering how you find sweaters in warmer weather?

Hugs

Isha

Ahh, you look great Jen! And so pleased the three of you had a great night.

Christen x

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Originally Posted by Isha

I note you are wearing a sweater, just curious if you suffer the same issue as me . . . guy shoulders? Our spring/summer will soon be upon us and I am wondering how you find sweaters in warmer weather?

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You hit the nail on the head Isha. I look like an East German swimmer! All my sweaters are really thin so not warmth there. I'll also go with cotton long sleeves dresses or skirts with long sleeve tops. It's usually ok as long as I am not in the heat of The day

Well, to start with, SF has a group of men who sit outside naked at one public corner of the Castro, so I don't even know if we are on the sensationalist's radar; if so, we must be pretty far down the list. Across the bay, there is more chance of negative encounters; although the governments are ultra-liberal or at least talk that way, there are a lot of baptists and catholics who are not accepting and the odds of unpleasant encounters are dramatically increased. One city is far above average for crimes and generally makes the national top 10 list for felonies, so just walking around can be dangerous.

Hi Jenn

So glad you had a great time out, and come across people ( which I think most people are ) who are truly nice.
I don't think you look overdressed, rather you look very classy and feminine

this is great news!!!!! i am dying to make it out to SF for a few nights....i heard good things i have been there before but never dressed

Good for you Jenny wish I was in a warmer calamite. It feels so good when things go smooth.

I have had a few great nights in San Francisco, never met anyone else to share with, maybe in November.
Unless there is early snow.

Castro is interesting at night. :)

Jenniferathome,

When i was in the Army, i was stationed at Monterey for a while (what an incredible assignment that was), anyway, i'd do a weekend getaway up to SF about twice a month. It was positively liberating to be up there. Dressed or not, people were just amazingly nice. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the food, the bars and the well, the food. Glad you had a good time.

Hugs
Bree

Hi Jenn - delighted to hear of your wonderful, comfortable adventure (and oh so jealous!). I really don't see you as being like the East German swimmers, although I share your appreciation of the utility of sweaters. You look great in the photo (as always) - no East German swimmer could ever pull off horizontal stripes! Hugs - Diane

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

. . . . people are ok with diversity. And we were just three normal cross dressers. Nothing to get your panties in a bunch about;-)

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Three normal crossdressers?? I nearly peed laughing at that. How great that we can actually view ourselves that way -- normal crossdressers! I'm definitely adding that phrase to my lexicon.

Glad you all had a safe time of it out and about in SF.

Rhonda

Jen, Sounds lovely. SF is on the bucket list.
Love normal KristyE

Sounds like a great time and a familiar conversation. It's really not that wierd!

Jennifer, I so glad you had a great time with Allie and Rachel. I hope you went to the Wine Jar on Fillmore. That is a great place; small, cozy, nice people and atmosphere.

The biggest problem in going out with Allie is that she has absolutely no shame in asking people around her to be her friends, at least for the evening.
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Donnalee

Those guys on the corner are not even attractive and mostly get in the way of a nice afternoon/evening.

I was in the Castro a couple of Friday nights ago. First time in a long time and that neighborhood is heading downhill fast. I would recommend passing on spending much time there - just a quick sightseeing walk-through. There are much better places in San Francisco to be a normal crossdresser (Jennifer, Allie & Rachel) or transgender (me). Most of the more affluent gays have moved to better neighborhoods or across the Bay to Oakland (yes, Oakland).

Sounds like you had a blast hon. Happy for you.
Also sounds like,( to me at least), this young couple was getting some ideas from you all, or gaining strength for their own outing maybe?

Anyway glad you had such a good time.

Glad you had a great time and had friends to go on the beach with.

The great thing about San Francisco, and I used to live there, is that no one cares about who you are or what you wear. It truly is a magnificent, diverse and wonderful place to live and I miss it. Glad you had fun in my old stomping ground. ;)

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Originally Posted by Rhonda Darling

Three normal crossdressers?? I nearly peed laughing at that. How great that we can actually view ourselves that way -- normal crossdressers! I'm definitely adding that phrase to my lexicon.

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But this is how it should be Rhonda. San Francisco or anywhere else. If you treat your activities like they are "normal", then they are. And that is how it should be. It is one of the toughest things when going out in the beginning as our nerves and apprehensions take some of the normal out of it. But once you settle down those thoughts, it is another day in the life.

I entirely agree with Sue. We are normal if we accept ourselves .

It sounds like you had a perfectly wonderful evening.
On the behalf of those that live the life vicariously "Thank you for telling me all about it."

Best wishes
MsVal

MsVal, the reason I share my experiences is for those who think they can't. If you want, you can. That's the real message.

Me and my wife just got back from SF and spent a few hours hanging with them. Great people!

We love SF so much. We went for the first time 2 years ago and have been back 5 times since then - can't get enough ;)

Although it's very accepting and never any problems...I did venture into the tourist shopping area along market street in the daytime and ran into 2 people who were not very kind. I knew what I was getting into in that area, but it does not bother me anymore. My wife on the other hand almost got into physical confrontations with about a dozen people who were evidently staring at me. lol! I had to force her into a bar to drink a glass of wine. She can be a little overprotective of her KK. :)

Alright, I'm jealous.... Hopefully one day, I'll get to experience just such a time in SF... Great thread!!!

Sounds like a great outing Jennifer and BTW you looked fabulous in that outfit! Wish you had a pic with the black pumps included.

Thanks for sharing the conversation at the wine bar and the story of the “three normal crossdressers” having a night out.

SF is such a fun city to visit and I suspect they are on the cutting edge of acceptance of CD’ers just like they were for accepting the gay community before most other places.

Hugs,
Stephanie

The city is really a wonderful place to visit. I've been there many times, but never as myself. I hope to fix that sometime - so many things there that I really enjoy. At least it's a great place to visit if you have money... My biggest regret is not ever managing to see the Squirrel Nut Zippers play at Café du Nord.

Kristina,
It was a pleasure meeting your wife and you and FYI, we were at the same wine bar that Jenn had her conversation.
Rach

Such a wonderful evening you had! I have to tell you about Allie's very first outing in San Francisco: we became friends through this forum, and after some encouragement from me, she accompanied me to San Francisco on her first ever outing as a woman. Before that night, I was always very reserved whenever I went out, trying to minimize human interaction to maximize my success at passing. This changed forever after that night, when Allie totally blossomed, vivaciously charming total strangers as she dragged me along in her wake. I learned then and there that passing is an illusion - meeting people as who you are is the reality. If who you are happens to be a man dressing as a woman, embrace it and enjoy every moment! That may not work for everyone, and it surely doesn't work in some places, but if you're ever in San Francisco and you have an opportunity to spread your wings with Allie, you'll never regret it.

Nothing to add but the admiration & joy of friendships . It is great to see & read about friends getting together to enjoy life . Thanks to all for sharing

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Originally Posted by Sue

...If you treat your activities like they are "normal", then they are. And that is how it should be. It is one of the toughest things when going out in the beginning as our nerves and apprehensions take some of the normal out of it. But once you settle down those thoughts, it is another day in the life.

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Absolutely! When I first started going out I stressed over every detail. My makeup had to be perfect, nails were redone if they had the slightest ding, etc. I worried that I'd forget my femme voice or use a male mannerism.

Fast forward a few years. Mimi and I go out a couple of times per week sometimes more. Sometimes we have amazing adventures, sometimes we have dinner at Souplantation or IHOP with friends or by ourselves. Most of the time I don't put color on my nails, relying on the clear polish I always wear and slightly-longer-than-male length to look femme. I throw on a pretty top and some blingy jeans, do a bit of makeup, toss on a wig, and we're out the door. I think that it's a more authentic experience and I feel more comfortable in my own skin for it.

Don't get me wrong, I love to dress to the nines for special occasions, but I really cherish the ability to be the "casual woman" that GGs are most of the time.

We go to some places often enough that the people recognize us (one advantage of being a 6'2" woman!) and they have always treated me as expected for my presented gender.

San Francisco is wonderful. Acceptance and tolerance was not the reason I moved here (natural beauty was) but it sure is great to be here. You don't have to go out to "tg-friendly" venues, you can just go anyplace. Hooray, San Francisco!

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

.... there is no question that S.F. is the holy grail of acceptance cities.

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I can't disagree with that! I know exactly what you mean. I've been out and about numerous times, both day and night in SF (restaurants, bars, museums, galleries, shopping etc) all the while mixing in the mainstream and I swear, everyone I met either ignored me or treated completely normal. It's amazing. I love SF!

On another note, Allie and Rachael are two of the nicest people you could ever wish to meet. I know them both socially and I can tell you, I look up to and admire them both when it comes to "mainstreaming".

That sounds like a wonderful experience.. and thanks for a) sharing and b) leaving such a good impression. I think, in the end, that is what our community needs if we want public crossdressing to be more accepted. :)

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Katey, there is no question that S.F. is the holy grail of acceptance cities.

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I was just about to chirp in and say...
I'm from the UK and even I know that if youre gonna hit the streets dressed, then that's the place to do it.

LOL

Nice one :)

Jennifer, you look really cute, even with those "German Swimmer" shoulders :) I think you have an innocence about you when you dress. Of course, I've not seen you in guy mode so maybe you're always like that? You look very approachable, either way. Wish I lived nearby and could set up a dinner night including your wife - I'd pick her brains on how to feel better about everything.

Anyway, you look good. I have a similar dress that I'm now going to pair with a red bracelet! :)