Little help in explanations.

I sat down with my Wife today and asked her very candidly about how she felt about my dressing, was it just tolerance, acceptance, or something else. I get myself worked up that she isn't being totally honest because she loves me, rosy glasses and all. She has told me just recently while looking at wigs she not only accepts it but has enjoyed this side of me "blossoming". She did say that she wishes she could gain a better understanding of why I dress, but tried to reassure me it is more out of scientific curiosity than anything else. I want to be able to try to give her something to hold onto, but like most of you, I really don't have an answer to the science of why. I am a man, I want to be a man, I am straight, and I don't want to dress full time. Once a week has been a pretty good average for me, I would emphasize average. I just don't normally have more opportunities unless I am traveling, then it's usually every other night.

So while I meditate on my reasons, what have my fellow CD's learned about yourselves and some reasons you believe you dress? Has anything you learned been a help to your Wives in understanding the mental/emotional/physical/scientific reasons you feel play a role in your desire to don the clothing of a woman?

It's all genetic. Why would anyone want to cross dress!? It makes no sense and is no more a choice than being straight or gay. It is. BTW, my wife has only the same scientific curiosity as yours. If science can't answer it, move on.

I can understand the genetics of sexuality, homo/hetero, but I struggle with the idea of genetics influencing the desire to dress. Why would my genes influence whether I want to wear briefs or panties, shorts or a skirt? You may be right though, maybe the genes create a preference in material, or a look.

There are a lot of hypotheses, but little evidence for any of them.

All I know is that I have this strong interest, and from the existence of this forum it seems that it is not all that unusual.

As far as your wife's attitude about dressing, sometimes you have to trust in what she says. Questioning too much calls into question your faith in her. You don't want to do that!

I know it appears mundane and irrelevant but I often wonder why my wife likes chocolate and I like vanilla. I get that that is what we both like, but scientifically, why do we like it? Are there real scientific reasons behind liking what we like?

To me, the only thing that makes sense is a combination of genetic predispositions combined with a variety of environmental influences.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :)

I think it's a mixture of reasons both genetic and choice, now why anyone chooses to CD is beyond me but I suspect something from childhood influences us. We know so little about our genes that part is more complex but it would seem there has to be something there.
Someday I hope to know

Statistically, we tend to develop 6 sub-personalities to cope with different surrounding in our modern world.

Football players might allow an aggressive personality to sit closely with his main personality
CDer probably might allow a caring, fem personality sit closely with his main.

This is why a footballer is more likely to put his fist through the wall at home, while a CDer will be more constructive to issues at home.

I tend to lean more towards nature, rather than nurture. As a child, I wasn't raised to crossdress.
Male and female brains are different in many specific areas, science has proven this.
Now if we could just get them to study about a thousand or so of our brains to see how we compare.
Any volunteers? The line starts over here!
Much Love,
Kristyn

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Originally Posted by Hell on Heels

Any volunteers? The line starts over here!

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If they supply the wardrobe I'll be right behind you!

I don't understand any of it. I don't think anyone would chose to be a cd or a TS it just is. Yes my mom dressed me as a girl often as a young boy, I really enjoyed it, I only stopped from peer pressure. So it has always been there. So has the feeling that I'm not male, but, that's another story. Lots of theory but no proof. I do empathize with those that have to deal with us it can't be easy on that side either.

The explanation that makes the most sense is the lack of effective hormonal change during the growth of the male brain in the womb. The amount and focus of this lack generates the spectrum of transgenderism that we exhibit, to the limit where the brain is almost completely left alone and we must transition. For me, I feel I have large blocks that were hormone unaffected and as a result am bigendered: two very different personalities.

This could be all wrong but there is, at least, some PET scan work that seems to corroborate this explanation.

tina

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Originally Posted by Hell on Heels

I tend to lean more towards nature, rather than nurture. As a child, I wasn't raised to crossdress.
Male and female brains are different in many specific areas, science has proven this.
Now if we could just get them to study about a thousand or so of our brains to see how we compare.
Any volunteers? The line starts over here!
Much Love,
Kristyn

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I agree that nature rather than nurture is the reason. And sure... I will volunteer to have my brain studied... :eek: ... emm... after I'm done with it... Please... :doh:

Now... Seriously... If it was how I was raised I believe could have over come the desire over time. And for over fifty years I tried very hard to deny these feelings. I tried to be as male as possible, purged clothes I had several times. And yet the feelings remained and I was unhappy. (FYI: I've had these feeling since I was a young child in the 1950's.)

So do I remain UN-happy or do something about it? Is it a bad choice to do what makes me happy, especially if I'm not hurting anyone? If I had continued to deny the feelings suicide would have been a real possibility. That choice would have hurt more people and left a scar on my soul.

But I remember the words from the American Declaration of Independence... America, The United States, is my country.

"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

So... I'm in Pursuit of MY Happiness. And... if wearing female clothes and not denying my feelings makes me feel better... then Why Not? What's the big deal? Be glad I'm not a drug user or an alcoholic. :)

As as a behaviorist, I could say that any behavior, such as CDing, serves 4 functions (either one or a combination of the 4): attention, access, gratification, and/or sensory. So for example, when you CD; do you do it because the attention your wife or any other person gives you? Because of how things feel against your body: certain fabrics, tightness of clothes and materials, long hair against your face, neck and shoulders, makeup on your face, wearing a bra with breast forms? Because CDing gives you an instant gratification, such as sexual pleasure? And/or lastly you do it because you simply have access to women's clothes?

With that said, there could be millions of other explanations to try and make sense of why someone engages in CDing. But, I've come to understand these 2 things:

1. An article of clothing in reality is just an extension or a way to express your inner self. And clothes are determined by culture and fashion trends.

2. In our universe everything posses both the masculine and feminine. So while society says you are either male or female based on genitila, there's no one way or another to be when it comes to who we are. As a species, we are gender fluid and sometimes someone way feel masculine one day and feminine the next. It's important to note that our surrounding or other factors can play an important role).

So with those two things in mind, for someone like me, even though I'm a guy, I feel more feminine and identify as a women. And while it doesn't matter what type of gender specific clothes I do wear. Wearing women's clothes not only feels natural and more comfortable, it allows me to match my outside appearance to who I truly am on the inside.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

It's all genetic. Why would anyone want to cross dress!? It makes no sense and is no more a choice than being straight or gay. It is. BTW, my wife has only the same scientific curiosity as yours. If science can't answer it, move on.

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This pretty well sums it up. The specific mechanisms are not yet clear, but we are literally born this way.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

It's all genetic. .

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Au contrare; I was conditioned into it. I had no affinity for female attire or behavior until I was told that's what I was supposed to do, because god wanted me to. And something about what happens at certain stages of development, some of it can become permanent (think language accents, for example).
That said, there are all kinds of reasons why we crossdress. The biggest divide is those who get some type of sexual excitement from it and those of us who don't.
Susan, to find out more, look through the old threads for anything about 'why we crossdress'. You'll find plenty of reading about the reasons some of us have come up with.

Hi Susan,

There are a lot of working hypothesis out there on why we CD. Some say genetic, others behavioral while others point to physiological differences in the brain (hard wiring). In solitude none of these can truly explain why we do what we do. Genetics, possibly but that would imply there is a "CD gene" or a "gay gene" or even a "straight gene". Does that mean we can cure someone of being CD by gene therapy or turn on the "straight gene". Genetics are tricky and not that straightforward. If it was that simple "turn one gene off or on" then we would be able to cure society's woes and miseries.

Behavior again possible. However, that would imply I can explain all my CDing on what . . . because my sister and my female cousins dressed me up as girl so now I feel an affinity for dressing that way . . . wish it were that easy to explain. Physiological brain differences due to hormonal wash during embryonic development may have validity and makes sense but more so for our TS sisters who feel truly trapped in the wrong gender. Also, brain chemistry is not going to make you want to wear panties over boxers or dresses vice pants.

It is far too complex to have such an easy answer and each of us is different in how we got to where we are. Perhaps it is more a case of mix physical with behavioral, add a pinch of environment, stir in some personality and life experiences, simmer for a lifetime et voila . . . a CDer :)

I stopped trying to figure it out as you could go mad doing so. I prefer to just move to acceptance . . . it is who I am and it is not going away. When someone asks me "Why do you dress that way?" I respond back with "Why do you dress the way you do?" I normally get a response along the lines of "Because this is the normal way to dress" To which I reply "Same thing for me" If they look confused and indicate it doesn't make sense I ask them again "Why do they dress the way they do?" If they can't provide a response beyond "it is normal" then IMHO I do not owe a more detailed reasoning for why I dress as I do. That is not being rude, just pragmatic as I can no more explain it then they can explain why they dress as they do. :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

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Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit

I often wonder why my wife likes chocolate and I like vanilla

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I believe Nadine came pretty close there, and I will attempt to bring it closer.

Neither chocolate or vanilla are gender identified in the same way as other typically male and female roles. Although typically so, the roles are not exclusively male and female. Which begs the question, why do men or women enjoy the roles they fill, regardless of role identification? Why, for example are there women that enjoy carpentry and men that enjoy raising children? I speculate that there is no single or profound explanation.

Best wishes
MsVal

Another point to consider. What it's Not is as equally important as what it is.

They are 'womens' clothes. They are Not 'mens' clothes. May sound like
the same thing, but both can lead to different perspectives and reasoning for
getting to those points.

Since I truly came out to both myself and my wife a few months back, I have spent a huge amount of time on this question. Why? And why now? I tried to analyze my upbringing and anything else that May have brought me to this place. I haven't come with any answers and that's ok.

Rather, I now know that I have a very big feminine part of me and I absolutely love who I have become.

Also, my wife supports me 100% and loves me just the same.

"Male" and "Pretty" are frequently different things.

Love yourself, hon. No need to be sorry for being desirable.

- MM

I have often wondered about this and have my own conclusions. I taught some genetics as a teacher and can't dismiss the fact the we don't know fully everything about what our genes might influence.
My thinking is more a physical theory. We tend to emulate from our early years what we enjoy. Hence most guys love breasts and it has been proven breast fed male babies always love breasts the rest of their lives... Lol thus why I spent my share of time in titty bars. We also tend to try and copy deep down what we see and our brain enjoys looking at, thus explaining my extra large forms...I love looking at beautiful women. It's pleasing to me thus I tend to lean in the direction of looking better in even my male mode. Some of us take it farther and try to dress and look like the beautiful women. I love sex with my wife but I've always wondered what she felt on being the receptor of my attentions. Thus I wanted to experience that also... By the way still wondering what possessed my wanting to try that. I have always been influenced by a ****ty look. Explained again from my looking at the naughty magazines in my teen years, which we teen guys had passed around in the community behind our parents backs. Usually kept them hidden in my stash out in the barn. Well guess what, even today I kinda lean in some of my dressing attire, towards looking very ****ty. I enjoy the heavy makeup. I relate that back to my youth when I would watch my mom and her friends always fixing their lipstick and powdering their noses. I love heels and hose. I remember back when I would be next to my mom and she would find me rubbing my hand on her hose she was wearing. My wife is a teacher and when she used to wear hose to school. She remembers one kid that would always get as close to her as he could as she sat in a rocker and had story time. The young male kid always tried rubbing her calves and the hose. She didn't want to embarrass him so she would reach down and move his hand. These were preschool kids and even his first grade teacher made a comment in the teachers lounge he was doing that to her. To summarize all this I really don't know why I dress but something deep rooted in me dictates that I enjoy wearing makeup, high heels, hose and ****ty attire. I especially enjoy playing my guitar when dressed. Now all the shrinks can explain why I enjoy doing that ( other than my breast form fits in the curve very nicely of the instrument) Lol who knows why we do anything.

More than 30 years of thinking.. reading.. discussing.. and it still boils down to that I love and need to dress,... and for me personally, that means making myself as femininely pretty as possible.

I could again make a determined effort not to dress for whatever reason (I did that from age 4 till 18).. and I'd truly and continuously be a 100% miserable.

So yes, if they ever find a scientific reason.. then I'm all ears.. but I'm just gonna go with Lady Gaga.. we were born this way! :)

Susan,
I think this question will always remain a "why?".

I have never invested much time in the Why. It never struck me as a place I wanted to dwell and I doubt if knowing would change my behavior. Therefore, I choose to use that energy elsewhere.

I think it has less to do with scientific curiosity and more to do with how you identify yourself. I know there were times in my past where I though of dressing as an experiment. Einstein never crossdressed (as far as we know) so someone has to break the barrier. :heehee: Truthfully there was no scientific explanation to it. This was an expression of who I was and who I am now. When I look back on the entirety of my little life all things add up and I know this is part of who I am. As unfortunate as I find myself (still struggling with elf acceptance) deep down I knew who I really was and I have always been petrified of showing the world my true self.
As far a explanations go, I think you owe it to yourself to take the time to get to know why you Xdress for yourself. Maybe you should stop caring about what the wife thinks for a minute and try to figure out what you think. I know how hard it is to try to retain the male image for the girl so she doesn't think less of you or whatever. Turns out that it's all bs. Find out why you identify with dressing pretty and then once you know for yourself you can share with your wife.

I haven't found anything that helps a woman understand.

I heard recently in NPR (I think) that they have discovered that there is an identical gene variation for those that dislike broccoli, so it's not just a choice. I'm sure that in the years to come that they will discover just such a variation for those of us who love to cross-dress, or those of us that are transgendered. Possibly then we'll get the acceptance that lesbians and gays have begun to get.

Hi Susan, It's hard to explain something when we don't really ourself.