Supportive Wives -- so lucky

the purpose of posting this message today is to speak to the many others on this forum who were in my situation (a closet CDer who is happily married) --- so that it might provide some 'hope' for you.

i've posted on here before, but dont come on much. i'm 42 years old and have been CD'ing since i was maybe 10 years old, all while keeping it a very tight secret.

last August, i ended up telling my wife of 14 years. while the initial shock was quite concerning, she has become more and more supportive and we have maybe the closest relationship we have ever had. why?

- constant, open communication (lots of talks on this subject)
- therapy. we have a therapist who we speak openly to on this subject and has been helpful --- especially for my wife to hear from her that CDing happens more than people know and its not as abnormal as everyone thinks
- some ground rules we are still defining (e.g. i tell her whenever i dress, we talk about it after (which i actually enjoy), i dont wear her clothes (which i must confess that i used to and she knows this)
- the support here. i did post on here back in August when this happened and the friends here have been so helpful and supportive. thanks all!!!!!!

its been wonderful and i feel very lucky.

two things that happened recently that i wanted to share:

1. her and my son went on wknd trip recently. i was left alone with my other son who was on a sleepover. so she knew i would be alone one night and i had told her i would prob use this opportunity to dress. she texted me when they arrived at their location and told me she left me a little bag of goodies. i thought it was maybe a card and some new workout gear (which we've been into recently). it wasnt. it was a make-up bag filled with all this eye shadow, mascara, lip stick, etc. i was floored. what a happy feeling

2. the other day we were discussing how bad i am at applying make up. and how i go about taking it off. her and our therapist (a woman) were telling me all about these Neutrogena make up wipe removers. so i walk into our bathroom the other day and there they are. a brand new box of these wipe things. i have yet to try them. has to be better than what i was doing. i need so much practice

just wanted to share that -- especially for the people on here who were in my situation. maybe you should think more about telling her. you never know.

thanks for listening

sincerely,
kelly

Your very lucky :) keep a tight hold of that woman!

So very lucky, it would be great.

Hi Kelly, You are so lucky to have such a great wife.

Good for you, Kelly! I love your approach.

You seem well grounded about this, and not full of silly ideas about how you think your wife is feeling or thinking.

It's an awesome feeling to be able to be honest about this our wives isn't ?

Hi Kelly,
Something must hit us in our forties so many including me have come out when we hit that age ! I had a couple of therapy sessions but my wife refused to attend, he refused to continue unless she cooperated so I stopped going. I worry about open dialogue because I would be the one to want to talk and I don't want to feel I'm treating her like a punch bag. I hope the kind gestures continue they were a nice surprise, I made a comment about something special at Xmas, she didn't say no, so I might be getting there.

My wife is very supportive too. She has bought me nail polish and we go shopping together. though not as often as I would like. She has asked me why I don't dress more at home in front of her. I guess I'm still embarrassed. But, she's wonderful.

Gwendolyn

Kelly,
My wife knows and I get tacit support.
Others are not so fortunate of course and for some it would end their marriage.
All we can do is help others with advice and consolation.

thanks for all the kinds words and support. it is so nice to read.

Gwinnie - i'm with you there. i dont dress at all in front of her and, at least right now, cannot imagine that. would be very embarassing and would worry about how that might affect relationship / intimacy. thats a ways off if we ever get there

teresa - good luck there. both with therapy if you eventually go back (with your Wife). personally, it has def. helped us. but it cant be just that. my wife and i talk about my CDing outside of therapy. i hope that continues. i dont forget that this is all pretty new -- 6 months in

Reine -- thank you!!!!! (smiles)

sincerely,
kelly

Today my wife was out shopping with our daughter and bough me a beatiful pair of hoop earrings. I haven't been dressing much lately thinking I didn't want to cause her any stress since she has gone through much pain with her family. It was just so wonderful that she thought of me as Terri Lynn. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful wife.

My wife is very supportive and you are right about it creating a bond that strengthens the relationship. That, of course, is if the boundaries are mutually agreed upon and upheld. Fortunately for us, we want the same boundaries so there's never and argument.

Glad you are finding peace and fulfillment.

Kelly, just being able to share and talk with your spouse and be totally open.

Kelly, thank you for posting this. So often we hear the horror stories about failing relationships. I think that it is important for everyone to understand that relationships don't have to fail and can even be enriched if a little tolerance is shown by both partners toward each other.

I'm also lucky to have a supportive wife and a similar story to yours, minus the therapy. My spouse and I lead a life different than it was before I came to terms with myself and we had "the talk." In many ways, it is better than it was.

Really happy for you both, Kelly.

Kelly, I think it is important to add that "support" does not mean a wife buying you things. Support is simply the ability for a wife to recognize that cross dressing is part of you and accepting you despite that oddity. Anything more is simply icing.

Hi Kelly . . . great story and thanks for sharing. You have a great lady there.

Hugs

Isha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Eryn

So often we hear the horror stories about failing relationships.

---

I think a lot of the time, the relationship was failing to begin with, but we are too stubborn to admit it or they were. Throw the CDing into the mix and one of the two parties will latch onto this as "The Reason" one of them left the relationship. most of the time it becomes the main reason when it truly wasn't.

Very good to hear. It sounds as if the therapist helped a great deal. We sometimes hear disparaging remarks about the value and effectiveness of therapy, but I think they can be tremendously helpful if they are well informed and supportive of transgendered people. They can share objective information and help guide communications...two things often lacking in relationships.

In a marriage, a good one anyhow, there is an acceptance that at any time one will need support from the other. We often hear of instances where one member is caring for one who is ill, supporting one that is pursuing a degree, starting a business, etc. When asked why, the answer is essentially "It's just what you do when someone you love needs support."

Your wife has a good grasp of that Kelly. I'm sure you already know that and now, we do too.

Congratulations, and thanks for posting that uplifting story.

Best wishes
MsVal

You are so very lucky. Enjoy

I have been using the Neutrogena wipes for quite a while now. They are amazing. Congrats on having such an amazing wife!

Great story and thanks for sharing in such detail. S x.

You are lucky. My wife has gone warm to frigid back to tepid. So there is progress. Therapy for both helped and that led to more communication she had refused to do. Trust is very important as well as her needs

Kelly, that sounds great. Your wife seems very supportive and accepting; I can only imagine how great that is. Her even getting you the little makeup presents is so sweet! Hang onto that one girl!

I haven't told my own SO yet but plan to in the next week to week and a half. I'm going to tell her straight up how it is -- that Amanda is a side of me I just recently rediscovered by accident after years of half-subconsciously not making that rediscovery. I'll write up more later when I have a good idea of how I'm going to say it.

Congrats again girl for taking that big step! I'm happy for you that it worked out so well :)

xoxo

~Amanda

Hi kelly,
The aspects of a positive relationship can never be underestimated. I speak from the experience of having past relationships that were nothing short of disasters, and that is in sharp contrast of my life today with a wonderful supporting partner. I believe crossdressing in the home on a regular basis has brought my wife and I closer together as a couple.

I too just discovered the Neutrogena wipes, and like them.

Makeup; for me it is a daunting task that deserves much study. I hope I can master it, because I need all the help I can get. I just went in for a professional makeup session with a wonderful mentor and was amazed what a professional could do with my face! I learned a lot, and the cost was reasonable.

Having a partner who loves you and is willing to help you with your needs is priceless. Good luck on this path.
Nikki

I consider myself extremely lucky too. My wife knew after our 2nd or 3rd date about me. I threw all cautiion to the wind to be totally honest with her. That was back around 1987. She has been nothing but supportive since then. Often she comes home with some shopping surprises for me. She thinks nothing of it. We're still good friends with a couple where "John" made a full transition. What really blew my mind was a conversation with my sister-in-law. She told me the whole family knew about me from the early days. They never said anything and were always awesome in the way they treated me. I'd love to know how they found out but no one will say. Probably my nasty ex-wife. It's a small town. But for me, in gratitude for my wifes acceptance and support, I bend over backwards to make her life the best it can be. That involves trust, financial stability, the freedom to be who she is and enjoy doing what she does. She deserves all of that.

I feel very bad for any girls here who have difficult circumstances. My first marriage was hell for me.

I am also lucky to have a supportive wife, not only will go out with me (couple times a year) but does buy me some surprises from time to time or ask if I need anything when we are out shopping. (I do get my own stuff too, but fun to shop together!)